Realz

From the Archives: Mr. Federer gets “married”

In Archives, Roger Federer on April 13, 2009 at 3:09 am

Please note that this is a posting that was originally written in March/April 2009. Though the information is dated, I hope it is nonetheless enjoyable. I have decided to repost as many of old issues online as possible. Please read and enjoy. DISCLAIMER: All photos in this posting, are taken from the internet.

After years of forestalling, Roger Federer has decided to make an honest woman out of Merka…(I really should get her name right) All right her name is actually Mirka Vavrinec.  Yes people they got married on Saturday in a private ceremony (no witnesses) in Switzerland (can’t get any neutral than that).

NO. This is not a recent picture of the mother-to-be. This is early 2008. I guess black used to be slimming.

There is so much to say about this little charade. When I first heard about it I thought of the old adage “If you got nothing nice to say, do not say anything at all.” But my mama always say, “Speak the truth and shame the devil!” So I am going to shame the devil and keep the 5th Commandment. Now, we here at RealzTennisFanz Newsletter have long discussed Federer being a part of the “family” (I have to be straight lace here because of potential lawsuit but do note that all puns are intended) I would like to think that we are well aware of the real deal when it comes to this matter. However, as Mr. Federer (one has to be formal in these proceeding) has decided to take his little farce one step further in attempt to discredit the editor, publisher, creative director, copier-internet-photos photographer and reputation of this worthy periodical, I thought it best that we, and rightly so, openly deal with this matter. Fans do not be dismayed, we here at RTF Newsletter are not in the closet and will be coming straight at you.

Now, quite recently, Mr. Federer announced to the world that Ms. Vavrinec, now Mrs. Federer was pregnant. Mr. Federer and Ms. Vavrinec met at the 2000 Sydney Olympics and have been an “item” since then. Ms. Vavrinec originally from Slovakia was a tennis player. Yes, fans, she used to run up and down a tennis court. Yeah, I know hard to believe that she once was able to run anywhere besides the lunch counter (Rrrrrrr) However, we have exclusive picture of her in those glory days.

Mrs. Federer in her hay day

Well anyway, Mr. and Mrs. Federer have been inseparable since then. Mrs. Federer gave up her career for him. Truth be told, Mrs. Federer did not have much for a career. Her best effort was number 76 in 2001. If you ever checked the WTA rankings, outside of the top 32, it is anyone’s game. All you have to do is win a couple of rounds in any tournament to be in the top 100. Anyway, Mrs. Federer was introduced to the game at age nine by no less than Martina Navratilova. Yes, the one and only lady-man to be on the WTA. No disrespect to Martina, she is a legend but here at RTF we likes to keptz it realz. So Ms. Vavrinec then, became Mr. Federer’s manager. Seriously? Seriously? I may not know much about this subject “intimately” but how many men outside “the family” would allow their girlfriends to run their financials? Anyho…she became his manager and they were all over the place, including fashion shows of the world.

Yeah! There is the “happy” couple at Oscar de la Renta.

You would think that after all these fashion shows, someone would help Mrs. Federer look a bit more “put together.” But I guess its hard work living with the “DIVA” that is Mr. Federer. How many men outside of the “family” are into handbags and bags? In 2007, when Mr. Federer was finally able to beat Rafael Nadal (aka the one who broke Feliciano Lopez’s heart) on clay in Hamburg, Germany, 6-0 in the final set no less, do you know how Mr. Federer decided to show his enthusiasm to his then supposed girlfriend Ms. Vavrinec? He kissed her on the cheek a la Parisian style. Yes, he did! I am sorry, I am not one for PDA, but I would NEVER kiss my boo on the cheek after such a monumental victory over a rival. One does get emotional at times like these and forget their “parts and lines” and act out of character.

Mr. Federer had announced earlier that he would forgo playing at the first Master’s clay court event this year, Monte Carlo. I mean seriously, he has made it to the finals I believe three years in a row only to be whipped by Rafa in the finals. Who could blame him? I mean it is not like it was going to help his chances at the French. I guess he was trying to change things up a little. Every time he made it to the finals there, he made it to the finals in Paris only to lose to Rafa. So don’t play the event, maybe I would win. Anyho…he made the decision to be out. He was going to the next stop Rome, Italy where he, like the spaghetti is straight until you cook them. However, come Thursday, he asked for a wild card to the Monte Carlo Masters, got it, got married on Saturday in Switzerland and now on his way Monday to Monte Carlo to play tennis. What about the honeymoon? You work on your honeymoon? That is not how I would treat my boo that I just wed. But then again, he already allegedly knocked her up, what more is there for him to do? Hmmmmm.

As for Ms. Vavrinec, her side of the story is even more intriguing. She gave up her career for him and stood by him for 8 years without marriage giving away her milk her free whilst gaining weight like a cow. Doing everything for Mr. Federer and never complained. I mean some women have patience but at the rate she was going, it should have been St. Mirka at this point, if not for her patience but for her undying devotion as a beard and a hag. She went so far as to allow him to work on their honeymoon. Honey please!! We know the dealio here at RTF Newsletter okay. I do hope that Mrs. Federer is handsomely rewarded for all your effort. I can bet that the ring is going to be “simple and understated” as if Mr. Federer does anything simple and understated when it comes to material garbs.

Look at the “happy” couple!!

In closing, I would like to say, I know I am often labeled a hater, but I sincerely wish this couple all the best. Mr. and Mrs. Federer are free to do what they must do. I am not going to stand in their way. However, I would like to say that when I look at this couple, I do see other great celebrity couples, so there might be something to it. Of course not like Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, Ruby Dee and Ozzie Davis, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith. More like, Michael Jackson and Lisa-Marie Presley, David Gest and Liza Minelli, Star Jones and Reynolds and McMillan and Wife. So, I wish the happy couple all the best because they would need it. I am not bitter about the marriage, I just know better. I would admit I have no problem being a step-father but I do draw the line at taking care of someone’s else baby when the child is neither mine nor my boo unless of course I am adopting.

Mr. Federer definitely knows that diamonds are a girl's best friends

PS. Mr. Federer, as you are no longer listening to my advice, I would offer this final piece to you in hopes that you might follow. Marriage and baby has never helped the career of any tennis player. None of the top players have ever married at this point in their career. They get hot babes or boys to sit in the box and be pretty. Nothing more and nothing less! Ask Hewitt if you do not believe me. Ask Pete Sampras? Ask Agassi? I hope you prove me wrong but I am only predicting one more major for you my former boo. However, but truth be told, I cannot say that there has been much if any precedence for players who marry their hag and the effect on their ensuing career. I hope your little experiment work more so in your favor than in mine because we here at RTF Newsletter would love to report on some good news about Roger Federer on the actual tennis court.

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