Realz

French Open 2010: Le premier jour

In French Open, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Sports Blog, Tennis, Venus Williams on May 24, 2010 at 8:27 pm

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The French Open began yesterday and is already on its way as we speak…well we read. As have become the habit in Paris for the past three years, they start play on a Sunday instead of the traditional Monday. Their reason being, clay court matches are longer and it is nearly impossible to fit 128 singles matches in two days. However, the Sunday play is usually very light compare to the regular days. Nonetheless, there were several very interesting match ups that brought the crowds to Paris and more importantly, prevented me from going to the gym or even a run.

Straight to the results, Boynetsova beat Soriana Cirstea who made a nice run last year at the Open getting to the 4th round. Many have questioned Boynetsova’s ability to defend her title, myself included but one cannot forget that Boynetsova has some thunder thighs and those are the tools one require in order to play well on clay. 6-3 6-1. Ms. Gold Lamé also went through 6-1 6-1, definitely giving the French hope, as did Fatrova, Penne Pasta, Cibulkova and Kirilenko. Big upset of the day was Gisela Dulko of Argentina taking out Victoria Azarenka of Belarus. Azarenka looked like a deflating balloon on court and of course the tears were flowing. Since we are speaking of tears, we have to mention Anna Chakvetadze who was on her way to win a first round match at a major something she often times struggles to do but of course suffered a mental break down. Also surprising lost of the Rome Champion Maria Sanchez (Spanish people got too many names so I am just shortening it)

Anyway I know by now the talk of the town is definitely the Crackhead aka Venus Williams and her “racy” dress but I would deal with that in a minute. What I want to talk about first and foremost is the tennis I saw displayed against Patty Schndyer. The Crackhead won 6-3 6-3 and I swear it was some of the best clay court tennis I have ever seen from her. She was all over that court. I believe the Swiss only held serve 4 times during the match. Everyone spoke of this match being very tricky for the Crackhead but she came out there erasing any doubt people may have had. She owns Patty Schndyer as it is 10-love lifetime against her. Anyway Venus made it 11-0. To the dress: or as the Crackhead calls it “Illusion” though one wonders if she isn’t quite Delusional…

Yes that is lace you are seeing and No that’s not her butt.

Now a lot have been said about the dress and considering that RTFN calls Ms. Williams a “Crackhead” it almost seems as if she is expanding the moniker to “Crack Ho.” However, that’s going to be too much drama and in some ways I have to defend her stylish choice. People calm down, Crackhead is not playing tennis in lace. Now, we here at RTFN have noticed many many many fashion “statements” which have only led to questions displayed on court from both the men and women. Whereas the men usually have problems with print, colors, size and coordination, the women seem to usually have problems of construction/execution. Yes on paper most of the designs are outstanding. However, considering the fact that you have to run up and down on court, sweating, the practicality of the outfit has to out way the ideal. Nonetheless, we have seen countless women such as Shriekapova, The Demented One, Fatrova come on court with utter madness..

Case in point, Shriekapova... MARIA…OH MARIA WTF GURL??…

The Crackhead is no exception. It is no secret that I hate her “Goddess” dress that big yellow getup, which favors Wilma Flintstone’s all-in-one piece she so exhaustingly wore throughout that horrible cartoon. I do not know if many of you remember the Crackhead’s pant bit in 2008 if I am not mistaken. If one can actually call them pants. Those things were so short, it had her religion exposed showing us all what God gave her. Now with this Illusion Dress, I have to say though appropriateness may be questioned, the execution and practicality were flawless.

oooooooo Nasty....

Oooooooo I'm a nasty girl

She unveiled a similar style dress earlier in the year but I guess, when she came to Paris, she needed to amp things up a bit. Now, she is not playing in lace as many of you females and men know, negligee is not suppose to be sweat in. If you’re sweating in it, something is wrong. Anyway, I think if I am not mistaken is that the lace is placed over a more durable and sweat friendly material like that bit she wears as a pants. That material observes the sweat and also makes a more comfortable fit. Otherwise, if she were running up and down in lace, there will be more than wardrobe malfuction, more like a warbrobe deconstruction. Anyway, the Crackhead is going to be 30 years old next month. That’s right, 30 and if at 30 a woman cannot wear negligee when the hell can she do so. The Crackhead is not some 17 year old upstart. She is fully mature, grand dame and I say to hell with rules of propriety. Divadal showed up at the Aussie Open last year with bedazzled pants. The pundits did not say shit….so let them lay off the Crackhead even though she is playing in her nightie. She has earned that right.

And to be fair… things could be worse…with this getup here… LOOK AT THAT HOT HAIR MESS…UNBEWEAVEABLE…

Anyway, men also played tennis and there were no wardrobe surprises for us at all but a huge upset of sorts. Ernest Gulbis of Latvia was poise to make some trouble here in Paris. In Rome, he gave Divadal some serious trouble in the semifinal and almost gave the Spaniard an almost improbable loss on clay. Gulbis had already taken out Mr. Federer on his way there. Mr. Federer paid him back in Madrid but there was no denying that Gulbis was on fire coming into Roland Garros. However, that fire was quickly extinguished by the Frenchman Julien Benneteau who pushed Gulbis to his breaking point. Gulbis had to retire from the match. Other notable wins yesterday included Juan Ignacio Chela of Argentina, Hood and Mikhail Youzhny of Russia. The interesting match up yesterday was between Baby Ali and Daniel Brands of Germany. Now Baby Ali had asked the French Federation to give him a Monday start instead of a Sunday start. They however, said no. It seems the French Federation are not in favor of granting requests to their players as they also denied a similar request to Richard Gasquet of France who won a tournament in Nice on Saturday and set to play his first round match today Monday against none other than Lochness Monster. I know for a fact that the French Federation President was in attendance at that match and saw Richard Gasquet won that long grueling match against Fernando “Tabasco Verdasco” Verdasco. Nonetheless they denied them both. But anyways, it seemed that Baby Ali was still smarting over the denial and came out playing like a spoilt child. Brands for a good player…truth be told, Brands was a hot player…but Baby Ali was just dumping shots everywhere expect in the court. He eventually pulled out the match in 4 sets but he was a heartbeat away from going to a 5th and quite possibly back home.

By the time you get this, Day 2 would have already started. Some wins that are already confirmed are that of Americans Taylor Dent and John Isner. Mr. Federer, D’Joker Harlequeen and the Serenanator are all through. Melanie Oudin aka Abby Cadabby lost her first round match as did Divadal’s ex boo Feliciano Lopez. Tomorrow would be a complete coverage of today’s action including the highly anticipated match between Lochness and Gasquet.

DE REALZ PICTURE SHOW….

Hotties of the DAY!

Though you lost Soriana Cirstea, we still have to give you MAD props for looking damn hot and cute in the process..YOU DEFINITELY GOT IT GOING ON in that ORANGE…HOTNESS

Sometimes the face doesn’t matter at all…

There is a place called Alscae-Lorraine sandwiched between France and Germany, which have been the source of much controversy in global history (World War I) Well, I just want to say that I wish I were Alscae-Lorraine right now so that I could be between this Frenchman and this German…

(Jo-Wilfred Tsonga) Baby Ali is tired as he has been running though my mind

(Daniel Brands of Germany) Nothing like a nice German Lager

REWIND…………….DOUBLE TAKE:

Hallo Hallo HALLO

OOOO la la

If you are willing to accept the good, then you have to take the bad… NOTTIES OF THE DAY.

I can't believe that it's Butter....It's BUTTERFACE

Chela is CheNO.....That's a scary look

And finally… HOT MESS HAIR OF THE DAY

Don’t know whether she is curly or straight…but I do know it is without a doubt..A HOT MESS.

See you tomorrow with more coverage… Remember to watch tennis

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