Realz

French Open 2010: Le quatrieme jour

In French Open, Grand Slam, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Maria Sharapova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Sports Blog, Tennis, Venus Williams on May 27, 2010 at 9:30 am

Apparently the tennis gods have showed us some favor as today and I can actually produce this newzletter today. An unexpected act of “terrorist/disgruntled low-paid and overlooked for promotion employee/not happy with disposition letter notifying me that you have exonerated and unfounded all my allegations against the NYPD” causing the early release from the dungeon of office work. I am not entirely sure what it was caused an evacuation from the place that pays my rent. Of course, they did not provide details because you know, it was beyond my pay grade to fully comprehend what was going on. Nevertheless, I was able to go home and watch the remainder of tennis, which was severely hampered by rain delay. As we speak…well as I speak/write and you read, today’s play has yet to start because of the rain. So after three glorious days of sunshine, the heavens opened up and had pissed all over the grounds. This has severely dampened the field literally as the courts are no longer allowing for a fast ball as it did during the previous three dry days. A lot of interesting developments took place yesterday. So we shall begin toute suite.

RAIN RAIN GO TO SPAIN AND DON’T COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY.

The Crackhead ranked number two in the world showed ample reasons yesterday as to why she is so highly ranked. Taking on a Spanish opponent (Spanish women no longer do as well as their male compatriots though there was a time that they were very consistent a la Conchita Martinez and Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario), the Crackhead was blazing on all cylinders. She looked shaky in her first service game but she never allowed the Spaniard to ever feel like she had a chance in the match, closing it out 6-2 6-4. What was particularly impressive was the fact that the American did not lose her serve and also that she was willing to come to net. I believe she was up at net 28 times winning 18 points. That’s a very good sign. Alas, there might be reason to resurrect the Crackhead from the dead because we here at RFTN, laid her to rest at the end of the Australian Open. It is almost tempting to pray for Easter in May/June but I am going to hold off on that one. The Crackhead has fooled me many a times, making me believe that she was going to do great things only to let me down hard. So I am going to just relax and take it for what it is. She is now in the third round, a place she has lost for three consecutive years. Perhaps after this match we would consider the possibility of cracking open the tomb. After the match, the Crackhead was asked yet again about the dress and she stated, “It is to give the illusion of lace on bare skin.” Hmmmm. I went back into the archives for a photo of the then Venus Williams at Wimbledon.

NO ILLUSIONS HERE..Venus Williams (at Wimbledon, she is never a crackhead) wearing a sheet of Bounty paper towel fashioned into pants.

Anyway, other wins yesterday included that of Ms. Gold Lamé who had a tough three set match, Fatrova beat Agnes Szvay who had taken out the Crackhead last year. Boynetsova overcame 4 match points including a triple match point game and made it through to the third round. Carolina “Danish Cookie” Wozniacki won as did Maria Kirilenko. Flavia “Penne Pasta” Pennetta who dismantled her countrywoman Roberta Vinci 6-1 6-1. Dominika Cibulkova also won and is next slated to play the Crackhead (very interesting match up) Cilbulkova as few of you would remember, took out Shriekapova last year at the Open, making it to the quarterfinals where she lost to Sam “D’Stove” Stosur. Watch out for a possible upsetter in Alexandra Dulgheru who won in Poland last week and is now in the third round. She seemingly has a hot hand. In notables losses, Gisela Dulko of Argentina who took out Victoria Azarenka, the 10th seed, in the first round went out as did Lucie Safarova aka Lady Gollum who took out the once promising Jelena Dokic.

It never gets better the more I see

In Men’s action,

Cool and calm as always Mr. Federer. Look at that flawless hair. The bangs going just so and the cut......impeccable.

Number one ranked, Mr. Federer was looking all sorts of sloppy yesterday if not lackadaisical. He allowed Alejandro Falla of Columbia to believe for a second that he had a chance of winning set. However, Mr. Federer caught win at the gravity of the situation and closed out the match 7-6 6-2 6-4. He is still on course to meet last year’s finalist Robin “Hood” Soderling in the quarterfinals. Hood wasted no time in the demolition of American Taylor Dent. 6-0 6-1 6-1. Consider that Hood and Dent played 20 games where as the Crackhead and her opponent played 18 and both matches started around the same time but Hood finished his in 1 hour and 11 minutes and the Crackhead 1 hour 35 minutes. Hood was being real gangsta as he basically won a three set match in the less time than it took to win a two set match. Baby Ali also had a quick day at the office as he took out his countryman Josselin Ouanna 6-0 6-1 6-4. Other winners include Marin Cilic, Tomas Berdych, boyfriend of Lady Gollum, Russian Youhzny, Wawrinka, Albert Montanes and Xavier Malisse.

Baby Ali and Josselin Ouanna. Excusez-moi monsuiers, un moment s’il vous plait? Sometimes biting off more than you can chew can be a good thing. Two is always better than one right??

Due to the rain, 4 men’s matches were suspended because of bad light: Lochness Monster leads Chin-Chela of Argentina 6-2 3-3, Fatdatis leads Granolles 4-6 6-1 7-5; Marco Chuidinelli leads American John Isner (aka Green Giant) 7-6 5-5 and the final match Beetlejuice vs Italian Fabio Fognini are all tied 2 sets apiece 5 games all in the fifth set. (Fognini is nothing like his namesake Fabio the Italian model. Fognini looks more like a hobbit or perhaps I should say, if Fabio is a Canoli then Fognini is a noodle) All these matches are set to be completed today if the rains ever stops. Now although I make fun of Beetlejuice all the time (I mean come on now, he has a face only his mama can love and I am nobody’s mother) I generally liked him. I thought he was a decent player and he is definitely charismatic. Plus he is also from the Caribbean, Guadeloupe, a French speaking island (Guad-a-loop) not Guadalupe. Anywho, after watching the close of yesterday’s match, I was forced to take back my liking for the hideous boy and douse him with haterade. Beetlejuice was kicking the Italian’s @$$ on the court. He had a 2sets to 1 lead as well as being up 4-1 in the 4th set. The partisan French crowd was all behind him. The finishline was mere steps away. However, Beetlejuice inexplicably began to throw in “dropshots” This is where you casually/gently hit the ball just over the net so that it bounces twice before your opponent can get to it. Anywayz drop shots are often time effective because it makes the opponent scramble to the net only to miss the shot. However, that plan was not working so well for BJ as Fognini was up at net before you could say Figaro and that is if BJ did not miss the shot altogether. So before you could say Presto, Fognini won the 4th set forcing a 5th set. Now whilst this was going on, the day too was going. Remember that there were several rain delays causing play to be pushed back. Fognini got the early break but was broken and things remained on serve till 4-4. Now the French crowd was rabid at this point, screaming and acting like a bunch of hooligans. It is now after 9:00 p.m., and the tournament referee came out and ASKED whether play should stop. He is asking the players whether to stop play meanwhile there are no floodlights in the stadium a la US Open and Australian Open. Of course BJ said play on but Fognini said he did not want to.

A face only a mama can love.

However, the referee said play on. This was getting totally out of control at this point. Play was held up for another 6 minutes as the Italian Noodle kept trying to plead his case. You know what happened next? Carlos Bernades awarded BJ a point claiming time violation. Now I have never liked Carlos Bernades from Brazil ever since he claimed he did not see Nicolas Kiefer of Germany throw his racquet at Sebastien Grosjean so as to prevent him from hitting a shot. Now, if the chair umpire is to watch play, I do not know how it was possible for him not to have seen this disgusting tactic when it all happened up at net and the umpire sits on the net. He has forever been written into my bad book since that incident and yesterday he got even more write up. The lighting situation has deteriorated to the point where the players were hitting moon ball and afraid to come to net as they could not see. If things continue in this manner, the ATP would have to hand out flashlights along with racquets to play. Anyways, Faboni played through the penalty and won his game. However, he was unable to close out the match despite having 3 match points. So finally when they decided to end play, the set was all tied at 5 games each. I was really disappointed with BJ and the way the French crowd was acting, I thought a riot was imminent.

I was thinking that this was a perfect opportunity for God to pull out that "Let there be light" trick again.

If the rain ever go to Spain, the Serenanator, Fivehead, Divadal, No Justice Justine, Tabasco Ferdasco, D’Joker Harlequeen and Shriekapova are all set to play today. At this point, no one has taken the courts.

Anyway before we get to the RTFN Picture show, a very loyal fan yesterday, sent me an article about Divadal. Now, I know many fanz love Divadal and that my being a Mr. Federer fan places me in yet another minority group. However, I never shy away from controversy. This article was about Divadal wearing a watch during these championships that costs over $500k. No you did not read incorrectly, that’s half a million dollars. Now, if I ever paid that much money for a watch, that time piece better be a time machine and not simply telling me that it is 3:45 p.m. or what’s the time in Timbuktu when I am California. That watch sure as hell better be able to let me go back in time and give me today’s jackpot numbers or stop my mama from marrying the man who I unfortunately bear some resemblance to. If after paying that much for a watch, which in essence is one would be wearing a mortgage on their wrist, this sucker is just telling time, those motherfcukers who manufactured the watch would be wishing the watch was in fact a time machine so they can prevent me from going postal at the manufacturing plant. I found out that the watch the Tourbillor RMO 027 weighs 3.83 grams, which is 0.14 ounce. GREAT, so when some kleptomaniac (like the Crackhead and No Justice Justine cause I know she loves to wear watches) steals the fcuking half a million dollar watch off my hand I wouldn’t even know. I mean seriously why you want a watch during a tennis match? Are you going to hold up play and be like, “Here. I got a date in 10 minutes can be stop play and resume tomorrow?” Granted that Rolex and IBM are the official time keepers and they have clocks all over the place. Anywho, I did some investimigating and found this quota from the Divadal’s website “It is an honour for me than someone like Richard (Mille) has chosen me as one of his ambassadors. Since the moment we met there was a special feeling. I know that he has worked very hard to be able to create this very special watch. I am honoured and I am sure it will be a special and successful partnership.” Not the highlighted text and this is an actual quote from the Spaniard’s mouth. So in essence Divadal sugar daddy gave him a very expensive watch. Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall during their “meetings?”

Divadal with his Sugar Daddy. And you people think I make this stuff up

RTFN Picture Show
Hottie of the Day

Gisela Dulko of Argentina, gone but not forgotten. M’am can we do the tango??

Swiss white chocolate Marco Chuidinelli of Switzerland. Cannot get any better than dark chocolate mixed with white?…. Can I get an Amen??

Notties of the Day

Undisputed king of the nottie list…Beetlejuice

Austria's Yvonne Meusburger...She's just not cute…

Boynetsova used to try to be more gentile like a lady but now she is just being plain ole butch. She’s here and Queer…

MIXED BAG
Some helpful fashion hints/caveats from the ladies of the WTA Tour.

Black isn't always slimming….

Having the name of a so-called celebrity designer (Stella McCartney) printed on your clothing will not help detract from the fact that the outfit is altogether ugly.

Baby blue does not make you appear soft like a baby.

Simply wearing a ribbon in your hair will not indicate to others that you’re a woman. It’s a ribbon with bows that does the trick.

And finally, there are times when pink does not make you look, feel or act like a girl.

Guess the Gender??

Guess who just found out that a certain diva is only into way older guys??

Birthday Hint:I want the bag for my birthday.

Somewhere in the world in a restaurant, someone is still waiting for Wawrinka to bring the glass of water and another spoon that he asked for 1 hour ago.

Flight Time on the ATP…

Take Off

Hovering

Up Up and Away

And in conclusion…

She not only dresses like one, she acts like one too

Want to know what he knows??

Not only that she is wearing underwear but what kind

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