French Open 2010: The Ultimate Issue

In French Open, Grand Slam, Rafael Nadal, Serena Williams, Sports Blog, Tennis on June 9, 2010 at 8:34 am

So the final issue for the French Open 2010 is finally here and no surprise that it is late. I do sincerely apologize for the delay but for the past two weeks I have been running on at times mere 3-4 hours of sleep. However, all that is behind us now and you are reading the ultimate issue, so all is fine in the world once again. Anyway, by now you all know the results of the championships. One winner we predict and the other, well, we did not even consider her a possibility until we saw her with the trophy in her hand. Nevertheless, as we always say here, the game is won and lost on the field and not on paper. I am not going to lie but I found both finals to be quite boring and dull. It was only my undying love for the sport why I could finish both matches because they were so lop-sided in terms of passion.

Don’t worry grandpa…even I was bored too with the finalz…

Before, we get to the actual tennis, there is a little bit information I think pertinent to share with you my fanz. Now you know that I am trying to get increased traffic on here  but I hear the constant complaints of having limited internet access at work etcetera etcetera. Anyways, I decided to take matters into my own hands and try to find other fanz. Now, you are aware that one of the reasons for starting RTFN was to combat what I consider, poor sports journalism/bad tennis coverage that pollute the major news outlets. Anywho, so I decided to go to Yahoo Sports tennis page. Now, they give a pretty comprehensive report, though they have recently taken to hire a certain blogger, which in my opinion, questions their commitment to disseminating news and information. “Busted Racquet” shows the blogger to know as much about tennis as Sarah Palin knows about foreign policy. I swear, one is likely to hear him say that Wimbledon and Roland Garros are similar as one can see France from England. He also picked Dinada Safina aka “got beaten by a grandma” to get to the semi-finals of this year’s French Open. I rest my case about his knowledge of the game. Nevertheless, he does attract a lot of readers especially since he has no shame in his game about hating on the Williams Sisters. This in turn leads to hundreds of racist and quite divisive comments. Though I have to also admit that as of late, tons of people also write in to say how inapt he is at his job and also how in nearly every post, his focus is both irrelevant and non-existent as well as many of his “facts” are actually fiction.

What justice is there in a world where a man such as he makes his daily living from the same job where I gain nothing? Surely, the gods would smile on my favor soon especially in light of my soon to be third deathiversairy at my current place of employment. THE HORROR! THE HORROR! Now you know I never hate on a hater as I, myself, am an unequivocal hater. The difference, however, is that I hate judiciously whereas  this blogger is just a plain ole hater filled with envy and jealousy and no one has gots love for those kind of haters. Back to taking matters into my own hands: The link to our infamous blog was posted several times on Busted Racquet (inexplicably of course. Must have been a realz realz fanz trying to do their part after hearing about my struggles. Thank you). This resulted in it being removed some time after but not before a number of persons logged on to the site (about 16-39) on several days. Now the coup de grâce of this story is that I think the RTFN has been plagiarized. I am not going to make any affirmative statements but imagine my surprise when I checked out  Busted Racquet recently and saw these:

It is said that imitation is the greatest form of flattery…..

But there ain’t nothing like the REALZ thing..

This man seemingly took out biggest draw “RTFN Big Picture Show” I could not believe it. I was stumped, flabbergasted, shocked, in almost cardiac arrest, disbelief. The audacity of this wannabe to allegedly steal our idea. What’s even worse is that he is no good at it. Absolute hog wash. He is trying really hard though but an absolute shame. I again reiterate, this man is being paid for what he does whereas I work for free. Anyway, when we get to the Realz Big Picture Show, we’d show him how to handle such pictures.

Anywayz, to the tennis…

The two Fembots in the finalz (D’Stove and Schiabone) I am going to ignore the fashion sense of the tennis ladies and focus on something else.

Though this is usually not my style but I am going to have to scream racism here. Here are these two fembots posing off and no one is asking for gender test (not that they should)..but a 19 year old South African girl Caster Semenya, has her name, face and life lambasted in international press. Almost a year and they have not yet come to some decision about her running future. And the difference in their physique is???

So a funny thing happened to Samantha “D’Stove” Stosur of Australia on her way to the final of the women’s championships. She beat, arguably the best clay court player of her generation and former number one Justine “No Justice Justine/Cheating Justine” Henin (formerly Henin-Hardenne), Serena “Serenanator” Williams, the current number one and Jelena “Fivehead/Big Bird’s sister” Jankovic, a former number one. And when she got to the finalz, she beat herself. Samantha “D’Stove” Stosur survived the “Serena Sleeper”, which is arguably the “baddest” and most difficult thing to do in all of women’s tennis (I can’t think of a single player who has survived this at this point. I know I could very well be wrong but when I say Serena Sleeper, I mean, that move the Serenanator pulls when she is seemingly down and out in a match and recharges and wins. I am not implying that she never loses.) What is funny about the entire thing is that D’Stove who we were surely smelling what she was cooking, went to the finalz and lost in straight sets to Francesa “Franceso Schiabone” Schiavone 6-4 7-6 and for the second straight year, a lesbionic lady won the French Open. Now, the last time the French Open had a three set finals was in 2001 Jennifer Capriati (I don’t even want to say what my mama calls her…ah…as per our tell the truth and shame the devil policy…she calls her, “That thieving girl” This Jenny just wasn’t on the block, she was also robbing the block) vs. Kim “Mommy Dearest” Clijsters 1-6 6-4 12-10 (a classic match). The others have been basically blowouts for the winners.

J-Cap’s mugshot…At least the police were kind…She stole is a ring worth $35 and got busted for pot. They sure it wasn’t crack because one has to be on a serious high to steal a $35 ring. I mean seriously?? Nevertheless it would make her J-High as oppose to J-Lo

Anyway, D’Stove showed up in the finals looking as if she were the turkey in the oven and not rightly so that she was the oven in which to bake the turkey as she should have been smoking Schiabone. I have to give credit to Schiabone she came out with a game plan and it was well-executed. However, Schiabone does not possess a single weapon that should have hurt D’Stove. D’Stove should not have lost that match or at the very least, appeared to be competitive and won a set. What I saw out there on Saturday was absolute nonsense. The most effort I saw out of D’Stove was her effort in not crying on court. She brought nothing to the final. It was as if she thought Schiabone was going to give her the match. Schiabone played very well and acted as if this were a once in a lifetime opportunity and it sure was because I doubt it very much that either of these women is going to get this far in a draw ever again. What got to me even more is that fact that D’Stove denied the Serenanator a chance at the Grand Slam. There was no way Serenanator would have gone into the final and played so poorly unless injured. Even then, Serenanator would have pulled out at least a set. Something every interesting though, with the last three major clay court tournaments played this year, Rome, Madrid and Paris, the overwhelming favorite lost in straight sets to the underdog. Martinez beat Fivehead in Rome, Ms. Gold Lamé beat the Crackhead in Paris and Schiabone took out D’Stove in Paris.  So, at the end of the day, Schiabone would join Anastasia Myskina and Iva Majoli as improbable winners of the French Open. As of this week, she and countrywoman Flavia “Penne Pasta” Pennetta are in the top 10. Vive Italia. Thankfully such madness would only occur on the women’s side of the draw.

Call the repairman because this stove is broken.

Disbelief: She is in disbelief that she won and we are in disbelief that no one has not noticed that she is packing…

Trophy Presentation: The lady with the linebacker shoulders trying to hide them is Mary Pierce 2000 French Open winner…remember I spoke of the French-American-Canadienne player…That’s her…Poor Stove looking all dejected..



This was the match up everyone wanted but was not so sure that it would happen. Divadal vs. Robin Hood Smoldering. Most people figured that Mr. Federer would have made it to the finalz yet again in order to defend his title. However, he lost to Hood in the quarters and with that his hopes of tying Pete Sampras’s record of the most week at number 1. Mr. Federer was one week away. Mr. Federer needed to reach the semi-finals or better in order to maintain his lead over Divadal even if Divadal won the tournament. Nonetheless, Mr. Federer who has been showing signs of lackluster since winning the Australian Open this year, is now Number two in the world. Anyway, he is not the focus of our study at this time. Nevertheless, without Mr. Federer present, I expected a good match considering that since 2005 Australian Open, anyone who man to beat Mr. Federer in a major went on to win the tournament. I did not necessarily expect that Hood would have taken out Divadal like he did last year but I very well expected a match. What I got instead was a warm up match exhibition between the two. Hood came out with absolutely no game plan. Considering that the man got to the finals for the second consecutive year having beaten Divadal the last two times they played and beat the man (Mr. Federer) who beat him last year, that he would have put on a better performance. NOPE, the fcuker lost 4-6 2-6 4-6. I do not even know why he even bothered beating Mr. Federer. It was of little consequence seeing as he played absolute shite during the match. He refused to come to net and when he did, he acted as if he did not know that DIVIDAL is like a golden retriever/wall when playing on clay…..EVERY BALL YOU HIT AT HIM, WILL COME BACK. Therefore, BE PREPARED. I was disappointed more so because I had a nice little title had Hood pulled off the improbable again, “Robin Hood took down the Sheriff of Roland Garros-ham again” or “Robin Hood takes Maid Divadal as his lawfully wedded itch” The possibilities were endless. (Oh by the way, this question was asked of me by a fanz…as to who is Roland Garros. Well he is or was a famous French aviator) However, all I am left with is “Order is restore in Paris.

Five-time the champion and once, twice the loser…..

Divadal all bright in Neon green

With the matching clutch purse…

Now I am not going to hate on Dividal though I swear that guy is one of the most manic sports personalities I have ever seen. However, without getting overexcited as persons tend to with Divadal, one can acknowledge the amazing feat of Divadal. Dividal did not lose a single match at all on clay this year, I believe 22 matches but I might be wrong about this stat. He took all four major clay court tournament dropping only two sets altogether. During this tournament, not only did Divadal not lose a set but he never faced set point, that is to say, not one of the seven opponents he faced, ever came close to winning a set. He played three tie-breakers in two of the matches and won them convincingly. Divadal now has 5 French Open titles for his 6th effort. Also considering the alleged pain and problems he had in the last year, this victory is a true testament of his strength and perseverance. Everyone is ready to gush all over Divadal but not taking anything away from him, he placed a wild card in the 1st round, then an unseeded players (ranked 42), then the 28th seed, then 24th, 19th, the 22nd seed in the semifinals and finally the 5th seed. It was a very easy draw for him. One also has to consider that many competent clay court players fell by the wayside and also one would be far press to find a current player capable of beating Divadal on clay including Mr. Federer. With all that said, people still need to get a hold of themselves. Divadal is not the greatest thing since slice bread. That honor still belongs to Mr. Federer. Divadal has 7 majors and taking away the 5 French where he reigns Queen Royale, he has two others, Aussie 2009 and Wimbledon 2008. Mr. Federer has 16 majors and despite he is allegedly ancien at 28 going on 29 come August, Divadal’s body will not allow him to reach anywhere near that number. People can get on my case as much as they like about it. I doubt it also if Divadal will reign quietly at Number 1. He will enjoy a nice summer because between now and the US Open, he would only be increasing his lead between him and Mr. Federer, as Mr. Federer has tons of points to defend. There are just too many other good players out there on tour that can take Divadal down if the surface is not clay. Despite what people would like to believe, Divadal has not shown himself to be the stuff of true legend just yet and I am afraid that because he believes that mind will always beat body, he might not get that chance. And I am going to say this here and I am willing to take the heat for it. I do not see Divadal winning the French next year. This year would be his best year ever on clay. Now, this is not to say that Mr. Federer is going to rule the roost as he once did. However, I do think that Mr. Federer needs to reach into that big black bag of his yet again pull out some new tricks if he wants to get to 20+ majors. He has now lost all his aura of invincibility though interestingly enough, there is no “hot” player right now on tour. It’s going to be an interesting summer fanz and very very hot as well.

Anyway to the Realz Big Picture SHOW…. Let’s show the plagarist how it’s done…

Andrea Collarini. He is American/Argentine too….He’s a “junior” but one can wait. After all, patience is a virtue. He’s 18-year-old so he is legal….

Not per our usual hottie standard but if 5-time Champion can’t make the hottie list, I don’t know who can…. So we showing the Diva some luv…though I hope that little lump isn’t a gut forming…

You may have won the crown but you certainly lost the pageant… Schiabone..

Divadal was not to outdone by Schiabone in the victory celebration.

Oh my gosh…I just won…I just won…

What what in the butt…

Like a “lady” cross your leg…

All I am going to say about this picture is that Divadal and Sea biscuit have something in common.

I’m cool and classy like a lady…

Hey….wanna go to the back and find some balls for the racquets…

Wink Wink… Don’t be shy now…

Jay Z, Mrs. Z, Béyonce and Mary Pierce. Two fake divas incase you did not know. One is a fake singer and the other always-faking injury on court. (I can hear the stones zipping by as the fanz hate on me for hating on Béyonce. However, I have no respect for someone who selling me shampoo and showing me her weave as the glowing results.)

Royalty in the house… Queen Divadal along with the Queen of Spain. (Is it just me or is the Queen of Spain wearing the royal jewelry in her mouth or she got flesh color teeth?)

Someone really need to put a muzzle on Paes… seems he can’t keep his hands off the menz..

This is Paes last year

Can’t you see I’m holding up two fingers??

Cialis and Viagra have not only given grandpa more ballz but also..

and more importantly… more flexibility… Grandma I hope you have done your stretches..

They let you pose with this one

But you take this home

Yeah you know I love it when you play with my nipple…

In the not so distance future this group where the boyz are few and the girlz many will become....

The group where the boyz are many and the girlz are few...

R for Ridiculous, A for Awful…F for Fabulous as in Hey gurl you’re fabulous and A for ATROCIOUS.. and AGAINST THE LAW…

I swear that hair is moving on its own..Is that a tail?


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