Realz

We’re finally here at Wimbledon 2010: Day 1

In Andy Murray, Grand Slam, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Lleyton Hewitt, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Sports Blog, Tennis, Venus Williams, Wimbledon on June 22, 2010 at 9:08 pm

The Defending Champions. Is it just me or is Mr. Federer looking a lil extra spicy in his pose?

Well folks, Wimbledon is upon once again and by the time most of you read this, match play would have already begun. Now usually, these championships are heralded with much fanfare. Although, somehow this year for me, the entire tournament just feels a bit bland. I feel no particular excitement or sense of anticipation despite the fact that Wimbledon brings out the best in the top players. There was no real drama or build up to this event. Perhaps it’s because most of the top players thus far this year have been playing horrendous tennis and looking very lackadaisical out on court. In recent weeks, top players, especially on the men’s side, have all lost to virtual “nobodies.” Mr. Federer, Divadal, Lochness Monster, Mr. Brooklyn Decker, D’Joker Harlequeen have all lost on grass. They all come into this tournament on very shaky grounds. As for the women, well, you know how they usually roll, considering that Francesco Schiabone is the 2010 French Open winner. I need not say more. Unlike previous majors, I did not issue a preview issue. I had it all written and ready to go and decided against it since most people find the lack of pictures and the abundance of actual tennis discussion quite preposterous for a tennis blog. So, in a magnanimous gesture, I would start off this RTFN’s Wimbledon 2010 series with actual tennis play. I hope you enjoy and don’t forget to keep checking out this blog and also to COMMENT. I do apologize for the late edition but you get a twofer today. That should make up and put you all back in my good graces.

To the women: Just as it is for the men when we speak of clay, we speak of who is it Rafael “Divadal” Nadal is going to beat in the final, so it is on the women’s side when we discuss grass, we have to speak of the Williams’ sisters. The Serenanator and the Crackhead are by far the greatest female grass court players of their generation…to be more precise of the 21st century. Going back to 2000, the last 10 championships that have been held, they have won a combined 8 of them and one or two of them in the finals 9 out of 10. They won the last three years with Serenanator the defending champion. The Crackhead has been the more stellar of the two with 5 championships. When she gets on the grass, you swear it is an entirely different player you see as oppose to the one who usually turn up everywhere else. Though I cannot forget to mention that in 2004 and 2006, she lost inexplicably to Karolina Sprem and Jelena “Fivehead” Jankovic (Therein lies one of the many reasons why I cannot stand that big-headed….not going to finish that one). Anyways, the real truth of the matter is that when it comes to Wimbledon, the question is really, which of the Williams sisters is going to win it or lose it because the answer really lies with them. There is ABSOLUTELY NO WOMAN currently on tour who can beat them on grass if they are playing their usually brand of tennis. Anyways, to the women results…

The sisters: The ones to beat.

The bottom half of the women’s draw played on Monday. The Belgians Kim “Mommie Dearest” Clijsters and Justine “No Justice Justine” Henin are on the same side of the draw as the Crackhead. This could be a problem for the Crackhead. However, the two Belgians have to play each other before they could potentially face the American, so the Crackhead just have to deal with one of them and in the past, she has dealt with them handily on the grass of Wimbledon. Anyways, Mommie Dearest came out on court in her usual major first round fashion. She was kicking @$$ with a 6-0 6-3 victory. No Justice Justine had a tougher time but also came through in straight sets. The cheating Belgian has made it no secret that she came back to win Wimbledon. She has made it to two finals losing to the Crackhead and Amelie Mauresmo and also made it to the semis I think on 3 occasions again losing to the Williams sisters and Marian “Gloria the Hippo” Bartoli. Other winners include Jelena “Fivehead” Jankovic, Maria Kirilenko, Yanina Wickmayer, Vera Zveronareva, the Hippo and Cookie Monster’s lil sister aka Alexandra Wozniack. Americans also made it big with wins from Melanie Oudin and Shenay Perry. The Crackhead also won 6-3 6-2. However, she got broken in both sets after being up 5-1 in the first and 5-0 in the second. This sort of lapse in focus is totally unacceptable at this stage of play. “A shocker:” Francesco Schiabone, 2010 French Open champion lost in the first round to Vera Dushevina (yeah you are pronouncing it correctly. I am not so sure about Russian names because I do know of one girl whose name sounds like…you know what, I am not going to say it…like the clinical term for “lady bits.” Are we surprise that Schiabone is out early? NO we aren’t. Ana Ivanovic lost again early at a major. No real surprise or upset. She lost in straight sets to Shehar Peer, the “Jewish Hammer” Ivanovic needs to take some time off or something. This is getting to be uncomfortable seeing her struggling in this manner. Go home and pick up needlepoint for a bit, clear your head, smoke some weed, do something except show up on court. You’re taking up space.

The Crackhead in her new outfit. She claims it was Tina Turner inspired. Although she got the legs for the part, I am gonna say that she is channeling Tina during the cocaine years

It looks like Christmas tree tassels on the bottom and we all know white Christmas trees are TACKY. This dress is a HOT WHITE MESS.

I can see the reason for the Tina parallel, Legs (check), weave (check), longevity (check), Crackheadish (check) Ike??? …..Hmm does Serena beating her all the time count??

Elena “the Demented One” Dementieva, Maria Martinez-Sanchez and Dinara Safina are all out due to injury. Dinada and the Demented One both made the semifinals last year, so they are going to be dropping in the rankings after this tournament.

The Menz:
Three weeks ago, I would have said that Mr. Federer and Divadal will meet in the Wimbledon finals again but today, I would not be surprise if Dudi Sela of Israel or American Mardy Fish holds up the trophy at the end of the day. In the 3 or so grass court tournaments that have been played in as many weeks, NONE of the top men won a title and they all lost to “nobodies and has beens.” I do not know what the hell is going on but these men need to get it together. And if you think perhaps it was the French Open blues that had these men out of sorts…they came into Wimbledon looking all rusty. Mr. Federer, D’Joker Harlequeen and The White Russian (Nikolay Davydenko back from injury) all were taken to 5 sets. They all won, most notably, Mr. Federer’s 5-7 4-6 6-4 7-6 6-0 victory. Mr. Federer was on the brink of defeat to a player who he has beaten quite easily in the past. Mr. Federer lost the first two sets and a mere 6 points from going home early. He himself stated that he got lucky. I am really glad he knows that he got lucky. However, after watching the match, I have to say that Mr. Federer was not playing bad at all. He was playing stellar but he was being outplayed. I also noticed that Mr. Federer was using some very “new” tactic. He was putting a lot of spin on the ball a la Rafa Nadal. It was really interesting as there were so many times he spun the ball so low, the crowd audibly gasped thinking it was going to hit the net but it went over. Mr. Federer is trying to mix things up. We will see what happens. I hope all the top men realize that there are no more free points or easy matches because everyone is gunning for the top guys.

Yeah Mr. Federer...you were ONE game away from losing in Round ONE

Alejandro Falla of Columbia….as per his namesake, no surprise that he failed to a win over Mr. Federer.

In other wins, Mr. Brooklyn Decker , Mardy the Whale (coming off a Queen’s Club final appearance…also they claim he lost 25 pounds since last year LOL…like Kim Kardashian losing 10 pounds every week according to the tabloids) Beetlejuice, Llyeton Hewitt (Dog the Bounty Hunter’s son) Taylor Dent, Jurgen Melzer and Hottie Daniel Brands all won.

D’Joker Harlequeen being dramatic every chance she gets…

Before I go on, I have to address this issue of Divadal being seeded number 2 despite being the number 1 player in the world. Now many feel that this is unfair. However, I really think people are giving this issue too much weight for nothing. First off, Mr. Federer is CLEARLY the better grass court player, he has made it to 7 consecutive finals losing ONCE to Divadal, who lost TWICE to Mr. Federer. Mr. Federer is the defending champion. It really does not matter whether it was Divadal 1 or Mr. Federer 2 but I think Wimbledon was just showing some respect to Mr. Federer. Divadal should not be worried about this at all. However, I am surprise that there is much talk about this when Wimbledon has shown NO RESPECT to the Williams sisters who have never enjoyed any sort of preferential seeding from the committee but of course, the pundits ignore this. Really there is no issue here. Let it go people.

Notable absentee on the men’s side include Ernest Gulbis who was set to meet Divadal, Ivo Karlovic and Fernando Gonzalez.

In today’s action, Serenanator, Shriekapova, Divadal, Hood, James Blake came back, Lochness Monster and others are all up to play. Complete coverage of Day 2 should also be in your inbox..

RTFN BIG PICTURE SHOW:
HOTTIES: DRINK TO THE HOTNESS

First some German Lager….Daniel Brands (6’5” need I say more)

Then some Red Stripe for that tropical flavor…. Dennis Brown of Jamaica. (He’s half German as well)

And finally some French Roast café au lait to deal with the hangover…

Ahhhhhh finalemente…I finally found the perfect name for Cheating Justine… “Mask”

See the resemblance?? How many of you remembered this classic 80’s flick with Cher, Sam Elliot and Eric Stoltz playing Rocky Dennis??

Rajeev Ram sorta got a beat down with the ugly stick

MIXED BAG PHOTO…
To our SSSC (Siblings of Sesame Street Characters)

Melanie Oudin

And her sister Abby Cadabby

I think Big Bird came up check up on his sister

Ain’t she just look special??

Hmmmmmmm…I think she got a boob job with the French Open prize money…

I’m just gonna have a lil snack while she’s on the phone talking to her manz…

Put more lube...put more lube

My head hurts...my feet hurts....and everything in between

So I’m thinking since Brazil is in South Africa, she wasn’t able to get one done but at the rate that Amazon is growing, she going to be needing not just a Brazilian but a whole South American

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