Realz

Wimbledon 2010: Day 5

In Andy Murray, Grand Slam, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, John Isner, Lleyton Hewitt, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Queen, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Sports Blog, Tennis, Venus Williams on June 26, 2010 at 12:28 am

Again I do apologize for my tardiness. It really cannot be helped with this hot humid weather. I am really trying to produce these as fast as possible but it seems I have ADD or something of the sort. I would be trying diligently to get you all up to speed with Wimbledon. There was not much going on in terms of extra stuff at Wimbledon. Everyone was still buzzing around the marathon Isner-Mahut match and they of course the American commenthaters spared no chance to talk about the match. They asked all the players about the match and every match highlight was punctuated by some reference to the match. WE GOT IT. Anyway, it should be no surprise that Isner lost the next match in straight sets. Now I really have to say that the Wimbledon Committee is some really grimy folks. They had Isner play one of the first matches on Friday. Isner may have won the battle against Mahut but he lost the war of Wimbledon. He went out as meek as a lamb to the Dutch Thiemo DeBakker. He did not get a single ace and he was pushed around like a small kid on the playground. I did not expect much from him. I really hope he didn’t do irreversible damage to his body. However, the fame from this match will help popularize tennis for Americans especially get some new men on tour.

A listless John Isner

Anyway to the ladies…
Now you know how I feel about the Russians. They never ever fail to disappoint and implode on court. I swear, they can hardly produce stellar results despite being a country filled with tennis gold. There are so many talented Russians but they ALWAYS CHOKE on court. We have long discussed the Russians here on RTFN and no need to digress and discuss them some more. Nevertheless, Nadia Fatrova came on court to play Justine Cheating Mask Henin and got blown away. She just wasted people’s time showing up for the match. It was almost a massacre and only for the fact that God doesn’t like ugly why Fatrova even won 5 games for the match going down 6-1 6-4. So Cheating Mask was in the Round of 16 to face her countrywoman and rival Mommie Dearest. They have met 24 times throughout their careers and they are even 12-12. Interesting though, Kim can hardly get the better of Justine at majors where she too has been picked a apart on court. Kim took out Maria Kirilenko who has shown herself to a dangerous floater in the ladies draw.

Klondyke Bar..Kleybanova…..but she is really looking more like Gloria the Hippo..Let’s see…

So the DNA test results are in…are you ready

You are all sisters.. triplets in fact. And you ladies after Wimbledon would be flying off to Madagascar to meet your sister Gloria the Hippo…Gloria is one Happy Hog today…

The Crackhead showed some steely resolve on court when she faced Alicia Kleybanova. You remember Kleybanova, the girl who hangs out at Klondyke Bar. Anyway, Klondyke Bar was firing out of the blocks. She may be extra thick but she got muscles under all that blubber and she was going toe to toe with the Crackhead. However, you the Crackhead on grass, she doesn’t play around. Klondyke Bar broke the Crackhead but the Crackhead bust her upside her head right away and took the set 6-4. In the second set, Klondyke did everything she could to throw the Crackhead off her game. However, the Crackhead was on and popping and took the set 6-2. Let’s not be mistaken, Klondyke Bar played very well but she was up against someone with prodigious grass court prowess so she was cancelled even before she got activated. In other wins, Fivehead looked to be on form and moved into the Round of 16 as did Vera Zvonereva, Jarmila Groth formerly of Eastern Europe (She married an Aussie and since they don’t have many top female players ….long gone the days of Margaret Court and Evonne Goolagong, Australia made her its own and she has been playing for them). Gloria the Hippo made it through as did Tsetvana Pironkova. Some very interesting people are in the Round of 16 but women’s tennis is becoming very competitive as of late. Should be a really exciting Monday as all the remaining singles players are set to play in the Round of 16.

Don’t mess with the Crackhead…she fights dirty…

Someone hold my earrings…someone hold my motherfcuking earrings and bring my vaseline..I’m about to school a itch up in here…(The outfit looks a lot better with this jacket on..)

On the men side, Hewitt had an easy time with Gael Monfils aka Beetlejuice. One figured that Monfils would stop showing this hot and cold attitude and make himself into a legitimate contender at majors a la Jo-Willie Tsonga aka Baby Ali. However, Beetlejuice seems contend to play mediocre tennis and struggle throughout matches. He did not even worry the Aussie as he lost in straight sets. Mr. Federer looking to erase all shadows of doubt that he is vulnerable at Wimbledon made mincemeat of Arnaud Clement of France. Clement made it to the finals of Australian Open in the early part of this decade and I am sure had a nice run elsewhere at a major though I cannot remember where but I digress. As Mr. Federer’s return game has been coming under much scrutiny thus far in the tournament, he quelled all arguments on the matter as he broke the Frenchman at the beginning of every set and kept his nose in front throughout the match. It’s a shame that the Frenchman had to be the whipping boy for Mr. Federer but Mr. Federer needed to get him shite together and he seems ready now in my humble opinion to defend his title.

Back in Business is Mr. Federer

Making light work of the Frenchman…

D’Joker Harlequeen wore his tracksuit appropriately today and took out Spain’s Alberto Montanes.  Might I say that Spanish players aka that is players who are actually born or represent Spain not Puerto Ricans/Dominicans/Hispanics/Latinos as they are commonly referred to as here in the US,…are really finding their game on other surfaces other than clay. They are getting to be serious contenders everywhere and it is almost a sure bet that you have to beat one of them if you wish to win any sort of title these days. Anyways, Montanes not winning Wimbledon as Harlequeen clubbed him over the head with his wannabe sceptre. Mr. Brooklyn Decker avenged his lost against Phillip Kohlschreiber of Germany. He is popular here in England and really should have a Wimbledon title as he is by far a great grass court player. Thomas Berdych also won as did Hottie Daniel Brands, Julian Bennateau, Paul-Henri Mathieu and Yen-Hsun Lu from Chinese Taipei are all through to the Round of 16. France is having a better go around in London than it did in Paris as their men are playing stellar tennis on the grass than they did on the clay.  Anyway by the end of tomorrow’s play, the Round of 16 would be set and things would be cooking at Wimbledon as we would be separating the sheep from the goats…or the wheat from the shafts….for only the Strong survives at Wimbledon. I almost forgot to mention Daniel Brands won his match in the 5th set when Victor Hanescu aka Iron Man retired claiming injury to his leg. He spat at some hecklers and walked off the court. Many have said that he was under the pressure from the German who was relentless in his pursuit but some hecklers were arrested after the match. Hanescu was fined $15k. Though the hecklers or hooligans were out of control, Hanescu retired because he know hottie Brands was going to kick his @$ poor showmanship but a nice showing at the tournament for the German.

RTFN BIG PICTURE SHOW…

Brooklyn Decker is considered to be a HOTTIE by many so I would appeal to popular demand. However, she is not looking like no SI swimsuit model in her grandma’s old sweater if you ask me.

Kim, you cannot go around looking like a NOTTIE when you have a child. You are someone’s mother and likely to embarrass the poor child with your head looking like a bird’s nest. Get some hot oil treatment gurl..As a matter of fact call Serena. She got a beautician license…she can hook you up.

On second thought Kim…go to a professional…some things you just have to pay full price for…

You know what? Ask Roger to set up an appointment for you. He would know the girl to set you straight.

Abs or Flabs???

Taking a Nap wherever you can…

I told you not to have that 5th drink...

Gonna just lay down right here…

Bring that umbrella just a little bit more over this way…

Taking flight…

Up Up Up and AWAY...

Gender Benders…

I think it is a boy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy??

Hmmm..I am not sure what this is….let me see…

Is it Mr. Hyde from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen….

Birds of a feather…

Flock together…

and here we have some Dodo birds

Are those fcuking itches really wearing that around here… Really?? Can someone please take these birds off the endangered species list so that we can put them back into extinction?

Kiss…Kiss…Kiss… Kiss… Kiss… on the LIPS…. YEAHHHHH

Now everyone wants to come on court with a handbag even if it is empty… I swear the ATP is filled with queens but I am not going to lie…it’s a hot bag…and I would be wanting one in blue…white gets too messy.

RTFN doing what it can to reunite families…

The test results are in and Dog the Bounty Hunter, you are the father of Lleyton “Dingo Dog”

You say what?? WTF I have never even been to Australia….my passport has been be confiscated…

You may see a trophy but I see fcuking awesome bong…Now who got the Mary Jane??

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