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US Open 2010: Ultimate edition

In Andy Roddick, Caroline Wozniacki, Kim Clijsters, Mardy Fish, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Sports Blog, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Vera Zvonareva on September 17, 2010 at 12:20 am

So I finally got to sit down and write the ultimate US Open 2010 edition. It has been an arduous task to get to this point as well as very emotional. There is just so much to say and perhaps not enough time. I know I have worn most of your patience thin with the gaps between issues but I have to say that at times, life happens and it becomes difficult to publish. Hopefully, some day I can quit the day job and devote myself solely to tennis in the near future but I am sure that this is merely the impossible dream. I think at this US Open, I have experienced every single emotion available on the scale. I have been mad, sad, glad, crazy, hazy, even lazy and I wanted to cry and once I wanted to die….Oh how the world of tennis have been so injurious to my soul. I do not even know where to begin…..

Dark Times for me at the Open….

Before I go on, I would like to give some rather somber news. Our faithful sponsor, has suffered a major loss by way of a sister. M.G had her life cut short by lung cancer last Saturday. She was only 34 years old and a non-smoker. I was not close to M.G. but a very good friend of her brother who gave his support for RTFN through out the years. I know how much this lost would affect him. Our sympathies are with the Gribble family at this time and for those who pray, keep them in your prayers.

I think this image is quite apropos so there is nothing more for me to say.

It seems almost inappropriate to begin my tirade after having to give such devastating news but I would journey on.

Amneris in despair

American Shirley Verrett as Amneris (Pure Vocal Gold)

In Act 4, Scene 1 of the opera Aida by Giuseppe Verdi, Amneris, the Egyptian princess, is at world’s end. She has just lost her best friend Aida whose whereabouts are unknown and the man that she loves, Radames, former head of the Egyptian guards, awaits death for committing treason. Radames adamantly rejects Amneris’s offer for clemency as he refuses to renounce his love for Aida and marry Amneris. As Radames walks away in the clutches of priests to his pending execution, Amneris realized that all is lost and sinks to the ground…..She laments “Ohimè! Morir mi sento” (Oh how I feel like dying)  By Saturday evening, I almost sank to the floor of my apartment and felt very much the same way as Amneris. My pain was so great; my thoughts reverted to Italian opera verse. Roger Federer and Venus Williams, my picks to win the single titles, did not make it out of the semifinals. They both went the distance but came up short.

Anguish in its purest form

Venus Ebony Starr Williams has done me in once more. Yes, I have referred to her by her given name. I know not what else to do. After winning the first set 6-4, Venus was down in the second set 3-5. Mommie Dearest served for the set but was broken by the ever-resilient Venus. For those who are familiar with the Williams sisters, they know that they are made of Teflon and are the type of fighters you want on your side during a battle. They seemingly never gave up. There was joy in my heart. Venus leveled the set at 5-5 and held serve again whilst Mommie Dearest did so as well. They moved to a tiebreaker. My heart caught a fire for I know Venus is often fabulous in tiebreakers. She would never left this opportunity to close out the match in straight sets be wasted. I almost fell off the treadmill, as Venus did not win a single point on her serve. How could this be? The woman with the fastest serves on tour, double faults as if it were the object of the game. She lost the second set. I figured that she would make it back. There was no way she would give up this opportunity easily but alas, I was wrong, as I have been all year long about Venus Williams. She lost the third set 4-6 after getting broken early in the set, breaking back to even things at 4-4 games and getting broken again. It was not so much so that she lost the match that nearly killed me but it is the fact that Venus failed to show any of the tools she had employed in her winning the previous 11 sets of tennis she played. Her serve was on, the forehand was on, she was coming to net, her second serve was not vulnerable and her deadly backhand was as solid as ever. Her killer instinct was on full displayed as she was not being rattled by the crowd or an inexplicable loose service game. Yet in the last two sets against Kim on Friday, she simply went away.  Where is the resilience and strength of the Venus of old who saved 11 match points against Jennifer Capriati? Where is she? It was heart breaking to see Mommie Dearest be on her way for a third US Open title at the expense of Venus. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE HAS WON THIS TITLE, VENUS HAS HAD KIM ON THE ROPES ONLY TO RELINQUISH HER HOLD. It is simply devastating to continue to watch. I tried to be brave in the end and watch the match but I almost had my chest cracked open as the 110 barbell nearly slipped out of my hand as I was bench pressing. I do not know what else to say about Venus.

Another Venus heart breaker

This lost caused sheer panic and hysteria for Venus Williams Fans. One fan, Mr. Brown, a faithful subscriber to this publication went onto Venus Williams’ facebook page and lambasted her. He stated that she should retire, go play doubles and get a sports psychiatrist to deal with her mental crackish ways. However, I have had much time and trauma to think about the enigma that is Venus Williams and I have to say that I am now at peace with the situation. The problem is that fans of Venus Williams live vicariously through her more so than they do other tennis players. See, backing Venus Williams is not some trivial gesture or some effort to always be on the winning side but it is a wholehearted commitment. Venus Williams represents the awkwardness and triumphs of all her fans. Here you have a 6’1” skinny black girl from the “projects” making it big. Now, this Cinderella story is hardly one that I decry but understand that the attraction to Venus Williams is not a mere love for rags to riches. See Venus is that awkward stage all of us experienced throughout school…always being teased for standing out because of physical attributes…always being told you do not measure up to the accepted standard….never fitting in…never being allowed to fit in or be included. Yet, she rose above all of that to become top tennis player, triple Olympic gold medalist, 7 time major champion, entrepreneur, fashionista, activist, and philanthropist. Venus Williams makes the case for dancing to a different beat even though others think you look stupid. And where are the boys and girls who were hating on her in the past…who knows and who cares, unless they are the one serving at the local DMV. Fans adore the manner in which Venus carries herself across the court….there is a certain strut, poise, elegance, command of attention as if to say, “I am here now…deal with it.” For her fanz, Venus Williams is not the ultimate rags to riches story but the ultimate ugly duckling turning to the beautiful swan. (Now don’t get all technical on me saying that an ugly duckling cannot grow up to be a swan as they are two different species. I bet many of you never thought of that) This comparison can easily be applicable to Serena but somehow, one can never see Serena as ever being shy. No it is Venus who appears more vulnerable, requiring more care and thus elicits more sympathy and admiration from her fanz. In the story of the Ugly Duckling, the narrator never tells us what happens after this wonderful transfiguration (a duckling to swan is no mere transformation, it has to be a transfiguration and Professor McGonagal is in on it [Harry Potter reference])but we are left to assume that everything is happily ever after. However, we know too well that in real life that no such thing exists. The fans of Venus Williams are experiencing the life after the transfiguration. They have come to expect sheer brilliance from the Swan each and every time she takes to the “pond.” They would accept nothing short of this for her triumphs are their triumphs and conversely, her failures are their failures. What is more devastating for her fans is the fact that Venus is apparently very complacent with her “poor performances” For the fans this is the ultimate slap in the face for they feel almost personally insulted. People lose matches everyday and it not possible for her to win every time she plays, but her fans expect nothing but victory. Never has Venus lost a match and her fans accept it as a mere lost. For them her losses are epic, disastrous and should not have happened in the first place.

Leontyne Price….Divadal and Harlequeen got nothing on this Opera DIVA…

Leontyne Price, the great and glorious American opera singer, once commented about her fans. She said (I am paraphrasing here) that the voice is such a unique thing, individualized to us all. It is such a wonderful thing as well that it causes certain emotions and reactions unique to each person and as such, people may claim “ownership” of sorts to another voice. So strong is this sense of ownership that people are personally affronted if “the voice” that they hold in high regard does anything which is not to their liking. It is this same sense of proprietorship that Venus Williams fanz has and it is what has driven us to sheer madness and emotional lows. However, in retrospect, there is much to be proud about with Venus. She has been on the tour since 1994/1995 and still at the top of her game. She made it to the US Open semifinals and was very much in the thick of things without any match play since early July at Wimbledon. She has kept  her nose clean…there are no scandalous photos or tapes of Ms. Williams around…she has not been involved in any sort of drugs and despite all the injuries she has suffered, she is soldiers on for the sport of tennis. Yet we are disappointed when she does not win. She made it to the Round of 16 or better in every tournament she played this year….as a matter of fact, other than the French Open where she lost in the Round of 16, she has made the quarterfinals or better and she did it all being an old gal at 29/30. Serena, Kim, Maria, Justine, Carolina cannot make this boast. So perhaps we should not be so harsh on Venus anymore. Perhaps we need to make her life not our perspiration but our inspiration. We should not act as if it is us who is out on court working each point (I assure you watching her matches, I feel every single stroke, points won and/or lost) but use it to fuel us towards our own pursuit of excellence. I know people talk about the fact that she has not won a major outside of Wimbledon since 2001…but Nadal has 9 majors, five of which are from the French….NO ONE GETS IN HIS FACE about that. As for Kim, all the potential she has, she has only won at the US Open and she has choked at so many majors, they are too numerous to count. Therefore, we here at RTFN would like to resurrect Venus Williams…bring her back from the dead…reinstate her true name and wish her continued success on the tour as long as she wishes to play. (I know it is mighty big of me but I tell you, I have ran out of hateration for her so I might as well show some love.)

The beautiful Swan.....FIERCENESS...Venus Williams...I'm a gonna be me

Now I know it is a lot of talk about Venus Williams….I mean it would not be RTFN if we did not harp on the performance of Venus Williams at another major she did not win. However since I did not hate on her, you know I have to hate on someone/something…..and today, my disdain is for the crowd at the US OPEN. Now, everyone gets into Richard Williams face and say he is crazy, delusional, racist whenever he talks about the fact that Americans shows distaste for his daughters. However, the man has a point, not only does he have a point, he has EVIDENCE to support his point. Last Friday, the crowd at the US Open faced with its last remaining American in the singles draw for both men and women (mind you Venus Williams was the only American to make it to at least the quarterfinals and other than Mardy Fish in the Round of 16, all other Americans were out by the third round) yet the crowd was cheering for the Belgian Waffle. Can you believe this bullshite? Do you know the last time an American won a major not named Williams…. 2003…Andy Roddick. Yes 7 years ago! Since 2005, the Williams Sisters have a combined 10 major titles between them and Olympic gold. The Williams Sisters have given American tennis some credibility in the world. Minus Serena (1), and Venus (3) the next top American female is ranked 71 Bethanie Mattek-Sands, 73rd is Melanie “Dot” Oudin, then 76th Vania “Saw” King and finally 96 in the world Varvara Lepchenko (Not even I know who she is and that is saying a lot). The American men may fair a lot better in the top 50 but France, Spain and Argentina dominate the men’s draw. Yet, they can’t get support from their own home crowd. Australia LOVES Serena….they appreciate her tennis and would be all over her whenever she plays. They supported Serena at her best and worst as a matter of fact, it was the Australian Open crowd that helped Serena win her 2007 Australian Open title. However, whenever Jelena Dokic is playing (and truth be told, she is originally from the former Yugoslavia and now a naturalized Australian citizen) the crowd is all for her even though they know she is going to lose in the end.  No other country would treat their own the way the Williams Sisters are treated here in the United States. The crowd was cheering whenever Venus double faulted or committed any sort of unforced error. And people don’t give me this BS about Kim being a mother and married an American and living in Jersey…BS…MFBS…This bloody crowd would have cheered on Jennifer Capriati and Martina Hingis even though both are drug fiends and the former a convicted shoplifter. This was not even a partisan crowd….it was UNANIMOUS that everyone was cheering for the Belgian Waffle. I assure you that if Venus were to play in Belgium vs. Kim…NO WAY in hell would the crowd be cheering for the American even if half of Belgium dislike Kim because she is from the Dutch side and not the French. To make matter worse, the semifinals was played on September 10, 2010, a day before September 11, and for all the patriotism Americans shout about on that day, they sure as hell were acting like some traitors the day before. Anyway we have spent enough time on this matter…. To other matters.

We never cheer for those Americans in America…what are you talking about? That is the American way…See they aren’t real Americans. They are African Americans.

Well I did get one thing right regarding the latter stages of tennis and that is that Wozniacki, the Danish biscuit would not be getting to the finals. Vera Zvonereva beat her 6-4 6-3 I think in the first semifinals. Vera looked on her way to win her first major title. She would be facing Kim and having dismantled Kim at Wimbledon last July and being no longer a major final debutant, one expected Vera to make a match out of it. However, one overlooked the fact that Vera is Russian and where there is a Russian in sport, there is bound to be some Cold War attrition and nuclear meltdown. Vera went to the finals and gave Kim a warm up exercise. Of  course, it would not have been Vera if she did not CRY on court. I mean it was a waste of time. I did not bother investing much time into the match because there was nothing to see or be bothered with. 6-2 6-1. I mean, if anything it only compounded the fact that Venus should have been in the final. Not because Vera would have been an opponent easily dispatched….NO NO NO… See Venus Williams would have won the first set in brilliant fashion…scarcely would one have seen such brilliant tennis on the tour. Venus would have then lost the second set inexplicably playing horrible tennis….as if the object of the game was to hit the ball outside the lines. Then in the third set, the crowd would have seen sloppy tennis from both players and be drawn in a battle of who can play the least sloppy tennis to hold serve and break their opponent to close out the match. Finally one of them would have won. Had Vera won, she had her first major and Mother Russia be all aglow. It would have been a brilliant sport story for the ages…Last year she exited in tear and near hysteria and this year with tears of joy holding the trophy and a 1.7 million dollar cheque. Had Venus won, she would have won her 3rd US Open title since 2001, won her 8th major even though she is 30 and separate herself from Justine Henin on the most major titles list. That too would have been a brilliant sports story. So overall the crowd would have had a more enjoyable experience, more bang for their buck as they match would have at least been 1:30 minutes. Seeing Kim bad beat Vera in about 50 minutes and holding her toddler up is so last year and truly boring. Thank God I was concentrating on old episodes of Bones… I mean Booth (David Borenaz…my Angel) and Bones did not even catch the killer yet and the match was over. They should have just given Kim the title on Friday and then played the men’s finals instead on Saturday evening.

It wouldn’t be a major if Vera Zvonareva did not cry…Let the waterworks begin… Gurl you okay?? How about you get the fcuk up out of my face before I change you from a Belgian waffle to a Belgian pancake.

Begrudgingly I congratulate you on your 3rd US Open title. Yeah I know I am a hater

Enough about the ladies….to the Menz. Last time we spoke, I spoke of how unstoppable Nadal looked in his last 5 matches and doubted very much in Youzhny could have won a game against Nadal much more a set and I proved correct. The first of two semi-finals, Nadal wasted little time in handling the Russian who put up a valiant effort. Nadal was very excited about being in his first US Open finals. For the past two years he was stopped in the semifinals and the year before that, Youzhny himself took out Nadal in the quarterfinals. However, Nadal was a beast on court and when he finally won, he was jumping for joy like a school boy. It was really nice to watch. But the match du jour was Djokovic vs. Federer aka D’Joker Harlequeen vs. Mr. Federer. Now I have to admit that I expected Mr. Federer to run through this match with ease. He was playing stellar tennis. His serve was on and his backhand was really clicking. He looked aggressive especially against Robin Soderling, the previous round. However, Mr. Federer never looked truly comfortable on court. His first serve was abysmal and showed up and down play. One minute, he looked on the verge of closing the match and then, totally behind. However, one has to credit Harlequeen, he hung tough and he showed great resolve in the match. Mr. Federer is capable of playing D-Level tennis and still win but Harlequeen made Mr. Federer pay for his mistakes. Everything was off for Mr. Federer including his brilliant forehand, which can hit winners from any where on the court but last Saturday, Mr. Federer was spraying balls everywhere. In the final set, some of the most brilliant tennis ever played was on display between Mr. Federer and Harlequeen. However, you know I was not concerned about the brilliance of the tennis but was on edge hoping that Mr. Federer could somehow come through with the victory. There was no doubt that despite the winner of the match, Nadal was going to fillet them in the finals. However, the game is won and lost on the field and I much preferred Mr. Federer to be the one losing to Nadal and not D’Joker. In the end, Mr. Federer blinked and D’Joker won the match 6-4 in the fifth set. I had an instant fever. My temperature rose and I was whoozy all over the place but I soon found solace. D’Joker as much as he gets hateration here at RTFN, he is a good player and very consistent. He has been fighting really hard just trying to be number 2 in the world and when he finally gets there and Nadal has the strong hold on the Number one spot. It is really hard out there for a Queen…..

Seems like someone was more interested in what was going on at fashion court instead of what was going on at the tennis court. And BTW, shouldn't he be home with his "wife and children"

I finally got Mr. Federer at the Open... All hail the Harlequeen in Queens

In the finals, D’Joker had more of a chance that I expected because of the rains. Rain stopped play on Sunday causing the US Open men’s finals to be played on the 3rd Monday for the third consecutive year. Nadal was as tough as ever. He was not going to be denied a chance to win his first US Open. He took the set 6-4. Rain came again and halted play 4-4 all, 30-30. Divadal was broken to go down 2-4 but he broke back and leveled the set. However, the rain gave Harlequeen new rigor and he accomplished something no one had all tournament long: get a set point on Divadal and actually convert. The match was level one set apiece. 6-4 5-7. The euphoria of a possible upset was quickly dissipated as Divadal came out smite and striking all corners of the court. He was relentless in his pursuit for the title and D’Joker looked tired, listless and bewildered. There was not much he could do out on court. The second game for Monday Night Football was pending and Divadal was determined to allow his Americans fanz a chance to see the game, so he quickly delivered the death blow to D’Joker 6-2 in the final set. Divadal was ecstatic to say the least. He seemingly broke down on court and was ever so exuberant with his trophy. He has completed the career grandslam and won the last three majors, first man to do so since Rod Laver in 1969.

DIVADAL……………His 9th major and first US Open…career grandslam.

Now I know many people think I hate Divadal. This is simply not true. Divadal may not have my adoration but he has my admiration. I respect him. He has cleared the challenges people said he had to overcome. He has proven himself to be the man to beat on tour. He has excelled in his tennis prowess in magnificent form. I would admit that he benefits greatly for technological advances in tennis racquets and tennis strings, making it much more difficult to defend against him. Nonetheless, what he did at the US Open this year is sheer brilliance and that cannot be denied. I know some feel that he is the greatest but even Divadal said that it is too early to make such an assessment. I for one dislike these “greatest player” discussions because they are rather futile and mainly they are rather Neanderthal in terms of intellectual reasoning. One cannot compare players from different eras when situations were different. Take for example when Rod Laver won his grand slam (four majors in one calendar year) three of them were being played on grass. No other man has done that since. Mr. Federer and Divadal came the closest yet no cigar but consider that each of the major has a different surface now. If either one of them were to actual accomplish this feat can we say that their achievement is greater than Laver’s. Pete Sampras with 14 majors never won the French Open….as a matter of fact, he never even made the finals. Mr. Federer has 16 majors including one French. Had he not won the French and say he had 14 majors like Pete, would his achievement be different than Pete’s as he made 4 straight French Open finals losing three to Divadal? See there is no real merit. I think the best thing is to just count up majors, consider each players accomplishments in their respective eras. Mr. Federer is about 4-5 years older than Divadal….which in tennis is near a century, so their being equals is not really fair. Whatever the matter, it is really good for the world of tennis to have such brilliant talent at the top and not just in Mr. Federer and Divadal but in Lochness Monster, D’Joker, Robin Hood, Verdasco, Berdych etc etc etc…..GOD HOW I LOVE TENNIS…..The Australian Open is coming next year where Mr. Federer is the defending champion. D’Joker would be hungry for another major win, Lochness Monster is lurking in the dark and Juan Martin Del Potro aka Beast Boy will be back. Now that Divadal has solidify himself at the top, everyone would be gunning for him with no remorse. Soderling, Berdych and Mr. Brooklyn Decker who I think have a rather favorable record on hardcourt against the Spaniard. IT WILL BE A MONSTER OF A MAJOR in 2011. I can’t hardly wait.

Anyway before I go, I have to give a shout out to the other major winners…

Bob Bryan with Liezel Huber as they won the Mixed doubles title.

Then he joined his brother, Mike to capture their 9th major double title. They are the most “winningest” doubles-duo with 64 titles if I am not mistaken.

Vania King aka "Saw Clown" and Yaroslava Shvedova after winning the women's doubles



I may hate on his attitude but I cannot deny him his looks…. And he got it going on….I got something to serve you up on that plate 

oooooooo Fernando Tabasco Verdasco… is not a major if we don’t pay homage to this hot tamale. I think he got something stuck in his throat. It would require tongue piercing precision to get it out.

GORGEOUS and I tell you, baby got back….. loads and loads of it… (Dominika Cibulkova)

I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung Wanna pull up tough Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

Yeah I would hide my face too if I were that ugly….

Well he is not my cup of coffee or Beetlejuice for that that matter but I know a lot of subscribers who are mad about his guns and are salivating as we speak just watching this mug….

Other Pics

As time goes by, more and more is Billie Jean looking more like the King….

Seriously? Won't someone put an end to this joke and transfer Schiabone to the ATP please. I mean here she is flexing her pecs for the crowd….Alas I see she hasn’t abandoned the frills in her losing effort to appear more feminine.

Seriously Kim? You serious with this shite? WTF are you wearing? Are those paper fasteners?? Didn’t I talk to you about this last year…telling you that you are someone’s mother and you cannot walk around looking like this?

You are killing me here Kim….the shoes?? WTMFFF!! Clearly you have adapted to Jersey life more than we here at RTFN care for.

See here is the Danish biscuit serving up some European fashion sense (we would over look the white feet and the ginormous forehead)

Beetlejuice in flight…Running from shampoo

Harlequeen ascending to her throne…

I love the US Open because every year I get to see Gene Wilder looking wilder and wilder. This lovely couple makes marriage look all the more appealing.

See there is a reason I don’t like restaurants…because here is this big time chef buying the same crap he be telling me not to buy so that I can come to his eatery.

Come here baby… NO….come on now…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Why not?? Because I wanted Venus to win and you beat her. I don’t like you anymore.. (Someone should take this child away from Kim. She is turning her into a Jersey bit…check out the Juicy Couture tee. )

See I do have a heart!!

Where are their parents?? Are they running around outside barefoot? Disgusting!!

From here on end…It’s going to be slightly in appropriate

Anyone who is calling me Harlequeen….they can just kiss my @$


Chrissie and Christie…. Don’t worry Evert…Uptown Girl and I shared a moment…

Hmmmmmmmmmm A-Rod better watch out Diaz is looking all dazed…

No pretense…no shame…let’s just get it on right here on court….

I love you……..I love you too … So so sweet… 

Nadal llikes it from behind....

Likes to ride it...

And on his side...

The Kardashians on the prowl again…HIDE YOUR MENZ…these ladies don’t play.

Woman, ballz, head, mouth open…the jokes….TOO Easy way way way too easy..

It’s always nice when hags get to travel with their fa....I mean their bunch of sticks

See there are a couple of mysteries I would like solved pretty soon…

Now Serena was out injured and now came back looking part Asian???

HUH????? Serena Williams is now Serena Wang??

Picture on the left use to be Venus's butt in the past but today, picture on the right....I have to wonder what the hell is in this trunk because it seems to have a whole of junk inside….

I don't eat sushi but I am sure people don't eat it with mustard….Hmmmmmm

WOW……….WOW…HOLD UP…HOLD UP….WHAT IS THAT???? I think that is more likely the whole camel and not just it’s toe…


US Open 2010: Final Weekend Preview

In Caroline Wozniacki, Kim Clijsters, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sports Blog, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Vera Zvonareva on September 10, 2010 at 8:16 am

Dear fanz….

I have been delinquent, derelict and disgusting as I have left you to wilds of ESPN, Wall Street Journal, Daily News, New York Post, New York Times and hearsay in order to get your tennis newz. I have been overwhelmed with the pressure to produce and also I cannot seem to forgo sleep anymore to publish the work. I cannot run the risk of working on the newzletter undercover (aka working on it at work) anymore because there are many foreign elements buzzing around my usual hideout spot. Please note that I am taking a chance even getting you up to speed today. I am not going to make you a promise about getting you a full newzletter next week. However, I promise that I would make it up to you. I have been thinking about doing something a little more in-depth on my tennis coverage but we would see how that goes. I do sincerely apologize. I do enjoy writing this “blog” newzletter but at times, it can be overwhelming. Keeping up with matches, work, chores and gym (You know I cannot talk about how out of shape people are if I too am not in shape. And just so you know, I do not need to tan…mine is built in), it makes getting to this newzletter not so not primary importance. I do assure you that I would be correcting all these issues in the future and come Australian Open 2011, we would be as current as CNN. Anyway, to the tennis.

Mommie Dearest hungry for another title….

I have to admit that one of the reasons for there not being a newzletter so regularly is that I was afraid that I would have betrayed my personal problems. I am sure many of you have guessed it by now. I feared my dear readers that you would have realized that I am addicted to V….we speak about none other than the One That We Cannot Speak About. I have slipped up so many many times and actually referred to her by name. I have a sickness, an illness, a madness….I have to be seriously deranged to get on this bandwagon again. However, I cannot help myself…..the hunger for her success drives me to want more and more V. My thirst it seems cannot be satisfied by mere droplets….It seems that I need to drain the source. You know in the beginning, I picked She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to win this and by gosh, she has not disappointed me in the least. She is set to play Mommie Dearest in the semi-finals this evening in what was a re-match of last year’s Round of 16, which was so up and down 6-0 0-6 6-4 in favor of the Belgian. Now they have played each other 12 times and they are tied 6-6, with the Belgian Waffle winning the last 4 matches, most recently in Miami where she put a thumping on the American 6-2 6-1. Though in She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’s defense, she was greatly hampered by knee pain, which impacted her movement on court. The Belgian Waffle is the reigning US Open champ and previous winner in 2005. By mere technicality, she has an unbeaten streak of 19 matches at the Open as she did not play from 2006-2009. Therefore, winning 7 more matches in 2009 and 5 more thus far this year, she is like a rolling stone gathering momentum. Interesting fact that in both her US Open wins, she had to beat Ve…ah hem I mean She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named in order to win the title. This year, I am hoping for a change. Mommie Dearest who married an American and lives in Jersey (I wonder if she would replace Bethany on next season’s Real Housewives of New Jersey) is given far more love in the US than the actual American. However, all that does not matter because everything is on the line. The Crackhead (okay I would not be so mean) She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named has not lost a single semi-final match this year and is 3-2 in finals. She has beaten Mommie Dearest this year when she took the Billie Jean Cup and 1 million dollars in prize in March. However, as that was an exhibition match, it does not count on the tour but for me, a win is a win. Anyway, this would be a No Hold Bar Match but unfortunately, I cannot watch it live. I might die and you would not get to write the final newzletter on Monday. I can only stomach this match in the re-run if and only if She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named wins. I am going to be working out at the gym this evening in order to deal. All biasness aside, the match is She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to win or lose. She has to get into a great serving rhythm and keep the unforced errors down. The Belgian Waffle has been serving horribly this tournament especially against D’Stove in the quarterfinals.

I am coming for you this time…mommie….

This match up is only one of two semi-finals for the ladies. The Danish Butter Cookie, Caroline Wozniacki is up against Vera Zvonavera. Now Zvonavera aka Vera ZvonaZero has shown herself to be a stuff cookie. As recent as last year’s US Open, the Russian had a Chernobyl meltdown on court. It was a disaster area on court as she lost a match that was already in the bag. She has re-built on that catastrophe getting to the finals of Wimbledon. She has shown herself to be the true Russian It Girl despite shrieking imitation. What is interesting about this match-up is that the Dane and the Russian have met 4 times and are tied 2-2. The ladies semi-finals are going to be on fire. The Butter Cookie wants to prove that she is a contender for majors and the Russian wants everyone to know that Wimbledon was on a fluke. My money is on the Russian though because Wozniacki is playing junior tennis and does not possess a weapon. The Russian of course will lose if she implodes on the court, which she is often times likely to do. However, it does not matter which one of them wins because the winner is coming from the other side though Kimmie has to watch out because Zvonavera beat her at Wimbledon.

Danish Butter Cookie….FIERCE

Zvonavera.. Pumped and Ready

To the men… I know tons of people think I do not like Rafael Nadal and to be honest, they are to a certain extent correct. However, the actual truth it is not that I dislike Nadal as a tennis player because truth be told, Nadal is a tennis anomaly. He is a manufactured tennis genius, which makes him all the more special. However, as there are currently two geniuses in tennis right now, Mr. Federer, the regular kind and Divadal, I can only be a fan of one. Since, Mr. Federer and I share a psychic bond and many many other connections including being “family members” he is the obvious choice. Divadal is family too. Anyway, even the good book says that a donkey cannot serve two masters and though I am not one for always throwing out scriptures, I am no @$$. Anyway, I speak of Divadal because he has become a juggernaut at this US Open. Through 5 rounds of tennis, he has only been broken ONCE… that is he has won 76/77 service games and YET to drop a set. His serve is no longer a liability but money in the bank. There is no doubt that he can win this title to complete the career grand slam but I am still liking Mr. Federer for the entire thing. But before Divadal can get to the finals, he has to overcome Russian Mikhail Youzhny who beat him in 2007 quarterfinals if I am not mistaken. However, Youzhny has to play with the dexterity and virtuosity of Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky combined to beat Divadal tomorrow and to be honest, I am not even sure that might be enough because Divadal is playing like Mozart, the greatest of them all.

Gimmie a D for diva, an I for intense, a V for volatile an A for aggressive, a D for determined, an A-all in black and a L for left-handed…what do you got DIVADAL….

I couldn’t find a picture of Youzhny so I figure I use a picture of Safina because he looks like her with short hair….

See what I mean…this is Mikhail Youzhny who would take on Divadal… I wonder if they are sure it is Marat Safin who is Dinara's brother and not Mischa here?

In the other menz semi-finals, Mr. Federer would take on Serbian harlot D’Joker Harlequeen. They have meet in the last 3 US Open and Mr. Federer has dealt with him handily. It would be an interesting match up. Mr. Federer has looked stellar as well. His serve, forehand, backhand, net play… all on like a boil corn. I guess I need not tell you that Lochness Monster lost in the 3rd round to Stanislas Wawrinka. SHOCKER OF THE TOURNAMENT. He better call up the waiter and have him wrap up his 2010 Grand Slam major because he is done. It would have been interesting to see him play Divadal but alas, you have to win to play and he most certainly lost. I tell you, it is going to be an interesting US Open 2010 finale. Do not be surprise if you hear that I have been taken to a local hospital for convalescence because I am gonna be all worked up come this weekend. See you on Monday…..thus far…my predictions have held true.

D’Joker Harlequeen

Master Class…Mr. Federer…

US Open 2010: Day 3 abbreviated..

In Andy Roddick, Maria Sharapova, Melanie Oudin, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sports Blog, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on September 2, 2010 at 12:43 am
Hello fanz,
I am sorry to inform you that today would only be an update. I have a previous engagement that would be preventing me from publishing a full issue. However, I would try to make it up to you tomorrow. It is very unfortunate because yesterday at the Open was filled with as much drama to almost…and I do stress the word almost, any episode of Jersey Shore. Though I would admit that I am no longer insult my senses by tuning into that filth and all my previous Jersey Shore references in past newzletters were quickly attacked for being “inaccurate.” Nevertheless I would giving you an update to keep you up to speed. Also note that the online blog is up to date with the past two issues posted. Remember to log onto and post comments. I welcome both hateration and adoration. Just make sure you comment.

Gurl it's just like at the beach....only with fountains..

To the ladies….
Well as if I am part psychic, I predicted an early exit for Victoria Azarenka. I would have really like to have been wrong on the matter but at the times, the gift of seer can be a burden at times. It was reported that she collapsed on court because of a mild concussion she suffered earlier in the day after falling off the treadmill. Now, this is just plain ole silly. If this is true (which I do not believe) one has to really wonder who is in charge of Azarenka because they are no good for the girl. This is the second time they are sending a seriously ill athlete out on court to play tennis despite unbearable conditions. In 2009, Azarenka was basically hobbling around court against Serenanator. It was a painful experience to witness, yet she kept on playing until she was basically forced off the court. Now yesterday she suffered a mild concussion…a concussion mind you not a simply fall. So that leaves open the door that she might have a possible brain aneurysm leading to a stroke and yet she is out playing tennis in 90 degree temperature again in that ugly and ill-fitting black dress. Who is in charge here of her well-being? Britney Spears? So she collapsed because of that they say, yet they do not refer to the second fall as another concussion, which it should have been. People please, I watch House, seen nearly all episodes of ER and Chicago Hope okay, which means that I graduated top honors from TV Land Medical School. So you can take that bullshite diagnosis and stick it in your @$ because that would not fly this side of the Atlantic. Anyway, she is out and Gisela Dulko of Argentina is in the 3rd round of the US Open.

Call 911....Azarenka down and out for the count

It's going to be okay in about 9'll be just fine

She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named looked a bit rusty (well you know the usual crackish ways) on court but pulled off a 7-6 6-3 victory over some no name Canadian. Mommie Dearest looked like she got her stuff together and routed her opponent 6-2 6-1. They would join Francesa Schiabone, the Demented One, D’Stove, Penne Pasta Pennetta, Ana Ivanovic, Shahar Peer (Jewess Hammer) and Alona Bondarenka who took out Melanie “Dot” Oudin in the 3rd round. Didn’t I tell you all that Oudin would not get to the 3rd round. She was near tears last evening. She did not deserve the hype nor the pressure the media placed on her at all. Anyway, she outside of the top 70 now. It’s a shame, there is talent there but there needs to be effort and more work put in to get far. Perhaps now, more deserving people would get the hype they need to propel in the sport.

In the Day time attire...

Dot...but I am suppose to win here...I'm an American at the US Open. The Media said I am good...

As for the men well by now I know you have heard that Mr. Brooklyn Decker is out of the tournament. Having lost to Jarrko Tipsaervic again at a major 3-6 7-5 6-3 7-6. He has had a decent year but it is the mental fortitude that I have been doubting. That match against Mr. Federer last year Wimbledon really has sent him on a downward spiral. It is really really unfortunate but the Open shall go on.

It was my pinky that was stopping me from playing my A game

Do you hear the clock ticking for American Tennis?

Despite the top American going out, three others made up the slack. Green Giant John Isner, The Grinch in Sam Querry and new man on tour Ryan Harrison who beat veteran Ivan Ljubicic all made it to the 2nd round. Now Harrison would be given all the same hype as Oudin got last year if he wins his 2nd round match, which inevitable means that the American media would killed yet another promising young talent in tennis. Lochness Monster who has not garnered much attention this major quietly took out his opponent 6-3 6-2 6-2. There was another upset yesterday as 7th seeded Tomas Berdych, Wimbledon finalist went out passively against Michel Llodra of France. I told you he would be done for. It is a shame because it is time these alleged young guns step up to the plate. Other winners include Nicolas Almagro, Stanislas Wawrinka, Mikhail Youzhny, Beetlejuice, Juan Ignacio Chela and Gilles Simon who took out Donald Young of the US. Dustin Brown of Jamaica though he was born and raised in Germany but we would “Big Up the West Indian posse” also won but unfortunately I am sure he will not get pass the 2nd round as he is up to face the Lochness Monster. At least he would get some TV time.

Dustin Brown of Jamaica Buffalo Soldier....Dreadlock Rasta

Anyway that’s it for now… please enjoy… Tomorrow I promise a full issue…

US Open 2010 Day 2

In Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Li Na, Lleyton Hewitt, Mardy Fish, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sports Blog, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on September 1, 2010 at 12:46 am

I hope that the resurrection of the RTFNewzletter has brought joy to your souls yesterday and today. I know many were disappointed that I did not finish Wimbledon but let me say that there was not much to say. Serenanator routed Vera Zvonereva and Divadal took out Tomas Berdych but that’s old newz and we need to focus on this current major. However, some housekeeping issues. As always we are sponsored by The website has remained our sole corporate supporter and it is important that we show them our gratitude by logging on and let your political voice be heard. Nevertheless, I doubt many of you would since very few of you take the time to log onto realznewz blog and comment. However, I would excuse you for the next couple of days because I have not posted the latest editions to the website but by Friday the latest, we should be all caught up and you all better be up there posting comments. A very very very faithful subscriber, BW (not to be confused with Barbara Walters) approached me yesterday and expressed his concern for my mental health. He wondered if my prediction of She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named being crowned 2010 Women’s champion is a sign of relapsing into that vertiginous vortex of being a Venus Williams fan.  Now I still hold by my prediction but I assure you that there is no chance for a lapse. I am very judicious in my hateration and I do believe that my tennis expertise counts for something in these parts. I do not think it is fair to deny She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named accolades if she deserves them. Therefore, my choice was not an emotional one but I think logical. Nevertheless, knowing She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, my choice might turn out to be purely mental. Anyway, I cannot think of anything else that I do need to mention at this time so I would press on with the tennis.

Did someone say there tennis today??? (I am slightly confused. So it’s a very humid and hot day and one decides to go to the US Open but instead of packing an umbrella, one packs a sweater and use that to block the sun?)

By the end of yesterday’s play, all the women’s first round matches were completed with a few on the men’s yet to start. Women’s play yesterday provided many interesting results. Fivehead aka Jelena Jankovic had to battle her way through to the second round as Simona Halep put up a fight but went down 4-6 6-4 5-7. Maria Shriekapova also struggled but found her game in the latter half of the match against Australian transplant Jarmila Groth 4-6 6-3 6-1. Many excuses in defense would be offered up by the “pundits” for Maria Shriekapova’s dismal play. However, those in the know and willing to speak about it, realize that despite Maria’s young age 23, she has already reached the peak of her game and is now on the down slope. Her game is not improving. Take last couple of weeks, she played Mommie Dearest in Cincinnati and I swear to you, she was kicking @$$. Mommie Dearest looked like she was aiming to go home to turn off the stove that she left on because she was being hurriedly dismissed. Then the rain came and suddenly, Shriekapova melted like the Wicked Witch of the West. Shriekapova then pulled out of Montreal citing injury and yesterday on Arthur Ashe stadium, she was not looking good at all. However, a win is a win and she is through to the 2nd round. Carolina Wozniacki, Danish biscuit played late last night and she sure was trying to get off the court in a hurry as she took out her opponent 6-1 6-1. Vera Zvonereva also made light work of her opponent 6-2 6-1. She can be a dangerous floater especially at majors. Boynetsova won though she needed three sets to take out Date-Krumm who is pushing 40 years old. Other winners included Maria Kirilenko, Arazane Rezai aka Ms. Gold Lamé, Yanicka Witmayer of Belgium and American Bethanie Mattek-Sands who incidentally is married though not from Jersey (she married an insurance executive so you know she can play up the real housewife bit if she wants to). Several seeded players lost yesterday as well. Na Li/Li Na the 8th seeded player and the 2010 Australian Open semi-finalist lost yesterday to Katheryna Bonderenko 6-2 4-6 2-6. This is an upset because I figured this was a good chance for the Chinese to show up her Australian result as being no mere fluke. Nadia Petrova aka Fatrova, the 17th seed also lost yesterday as did Lucie Safarova the 26th seed. With all that being said, thus far, only She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, Danish Biscuit and Vera Zvonereva have played excellent tennis in the first round as all the others are looking very shaky. Danish Biscuit has played tons of tennis this summer and have signed up for doubles and we all know that by the end of the week she would be cooked like a Thanksgiving Day turkey.

Keeping the Fiveheads cool requires a lot of ice…

Onto the menz…

The menz ever attention-seeking, determined not to be outdone by the ladies, they decided to provide their own high stakes drama. D’Joker Harlequeen came close to defeat at the hands of his compatriot Viktor Troicki 6-3 3-6 2-6 7-5 6-3. It is incredible that a player of Harlequeen’s caliber struggling in this manner. However, I suspect that the D’Joker Harlequeen “catch-a-glad” being in NYC but boo, you missed the pride parade as it was back in June. So relax. Mardy “the former Whale” Fish also played an up and down match 6-0 3-6 4-6 6-0 6-1. David Nalbadian aka Mr. Federer’s former boyfriend, almost lost his match as he too was involved in a 5-setter but he was able to scrape through to the 2nd round. Marcos Fatdatis who has had a great summer run this year is out of the US Open losing to Arnaud Clement, former runner-up at the Aussie Open in 2001, 3-6 6-2 6-1 4-6 5-7. This is another upset for Fatdatis has been really trying to keep his weight down but he is also losing that battle. James Flake Blake won his first round match, which I am sure might surprise many people. It is a shame as Flake Blake is a talented player though not great. However, he deserves a lot more than the bashings he has been receiving in press as of late. It should be noted that Flake Blake has tour record of disposing an opponent in 35 minutes several weeks ago. So lay off the man, he can play. Tommy Robredo would join his fellow Spaniards Feliciano Lopez and David Ferrer in the 2nd round. Ernest Gulbis a very young talent lost to Jeremy Chardy of France yesterday as did Resident Ugly, Radek Stepanek (the man who led Martina Hingis to cocaine and Nicole Vaidasova to early retirement) who lost to Julian Benneteau of France.

Dude I think you are lactating.

That’s just gross. Get a BROssiere or a sports bra or something. How about some Slim Tees??

Featured matches includes Lochness Monster (Andy Murray) who would be playing his 1st round match. Ana Ivanovic who is already into the third round as she quickly disposed Jie Zheng. It appears as though Ms. Fernando Verdasco as decided to mind the balls of tennis than those of Tabasco/Verdasco. Well she should know that there are plenty of person willing to keep them warm in the interim. In tonight’s featured matches, Mr. Brooklyn Decker and Mommie Dearest are scheduled to appear so tune into ESPN 2 for coverage.


Hotties of the Day.

Looking all shady…you know we all have a things for the shady ones… (Felicano Lopez)

Ana Ivanovic of Serbia. Not a hottie but a cutie and plus she is getting some props for making a charge back up the rankings.

Shark Boy aka Radek Stepanek…I think tennis might not be the only sport he is into...watersports??

I am going to go to hell for this one but it was too good to pass…

Boynetsova meet your brother Mangalore….(I defy anyone to tell me there is no resemblance. It is cruel for me to point this out…very cruel but you know how the policy at RTFN… Tell the truth and shame the devil.)


911: Hello this is 911. What is your emergency?
Caller: Get me the Fashion Police. There are serious crimes at Flushing Meadows. As a matter of fact call the Fashion Bureau of Investigations…this one is serious…

The Demented One looking like a big stick of Big Red chewing gum..

Nurse Jackie plays tennis too???

Contrary to popular, it is clear that she doesn't have any gay friends. No one should be without a homosexual friend in his/her life. Because when you don’t, you leave your house looking like a Home Depot paint sampler strip.

Why and how is Stella McCartney designing clothes?

Isn’t’ it immoral at this point?

It's a heat wave...burning inside

Goodness gracious...great ballz of fire

Seems like Mardy the former Whale Fish has himself some piranha twinks in his box.

Where the fcuk you think you going grandpa?? Give me that fcuking ball. Don’t make me hurt you…

Yesterday was Military Day at the Open and members of services/veterans got into the open here is one lovely couple…

Lady: I miss my baby so much… I am gonna eat him all up… Man: Can someone ship my @$ back to Iraq because she is serious…She is going to eat me.. (I think he is trying to blink SOS)

How to hit your balls between the legs….Thank you Mr. Federer for the masterclass..


He is going out with

Her...Francesca Perell...What a pretty beard

Don’t get jealous fellas…check out below.

She has to lick these feet


It has just been reported that Victoria Azarenka has retired from her match against Argentine Gisela Dulko after Azarenka collapsed on court. She was taken off court in a wheelchair. Despite hot and humid conditions, Ms. Azarenka decided that it was best to wear a black dress. Thus far all things seem fine and I am sure that in 9 months time, things should be back to normal. Part of the story from AP. See folks I know what I am talking about when it comes to tennis

NEW YORK – Victoria Azarenka collapsed and fell to the ground while chasing down a ball on the baseline and had to be taken off the court in a wheelchair Wednesday, 31 minutes into her match on another steamy day at the U.S. Open.

The 10th-seeded Belarusian was trailing Gisela Dulko 5-1 in the first set on the Grandstand court. The temperature had reached 90 degrees with 42 percent humidity by 11:30 a.m. On-court temperatures topped 100 degrees.

Tournament officials gave no immediate update on the 21-year-old’s condition. About an hour after the match was called, her agent said Azarenka had been taken to the hospital. Dulko said Azarenka was conscious and responding when Dulko walked over to make sure everything was OK.

Wearing an all-black tennis dress, Azarenka had been moving slowly throughout the match. Before she served the first point in the seventh game, she hesitated and winced in pain. After the point, she kneeled down.

Two points later, while trying to run on the baseline, she stopped and crumbled to the ground, not appearing to twist or sprain anything. Medical personnel rushed out and yelled to the sideline to bring water. After a few minutes on the ground, being sheltered by an umbrella and with an ice pack on her neck, Azarenka was helped into the wheelchair and moved off the court. A trainer placed his hand on her neck to check her pulse.

“I was scared,” said Dulko, who advanced to the third round. “She went to the floor. I was worried for her. I went to see her, brought some ice, did whatever I could do to help.”

Dulko said the conditions were, indeed, brutal. For the second straight day, tournament officials put in place their extreme-weather policy, meaning women could ask for a 10-minute break if they split sets.

“It’s tough to play out there,” Dulko said. “It’s really hot, really humid. You sweat so much, sometimes it’s impossible to hold the racket.”…..

Though the Aussie Open – played in midsummer in the Southern hemisphere – may be the most consistently hot Grand Slam tournament, they have roofs available on some of their courts. That makes the U.S. Open, where all matches are played outdoors, the toughest grind of the four major tournaments in many minds.

The year 2010 is going down as the hottest summer in recorded history in New York, which certainly is doing nothing to change that reputation.

Seven men’s matches went five sets and 14 women’s matches went three sets in the stifling heat on Tuesday, though Azarenka was the first to fall with what appears to be a case of heat exhaustion.

The news traveled quickly through the tennis world.

“Did anyone watch Vikas match?? I really hope she is ok!” top-seeded Caroline Wozniacki said on her Twitter account, a few minutes after Azarenka fell. The previous night, Wozniacki defeated Chelsey Gullickson 6-1, 6-1 in a match that ended around 1 a.m.

Azarenka has won four career titles, most recently at Stanford last month, when she beat Maria Sharapova in the final. She reached the quarterfinals at the Australian Open this year, losing to Williams, the eventual champion.

Edmonton Oilers goalie Nikolai Khabibulin, (BABY DADDY) a native of Russia, is a family friend and a mentor, taking her in with his family in Scottsdale, Ariz.