US Open 2010: Final Weekend Preview

In Caroline Wozniacki, Kim Clijsters, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sports Blog, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Vera Zvonareva on September 10, 2010 at 8:16 am

Dear fanz….

I have been delinquent, derelict and disgusting as I have left you to wilds of ESPN, Wall Street Journal, Daily News, New York Post, New York Times and hearsay in order to get your tennis newz. I have been overwhelmed with the pressure to produce and also I cannot seem to forgo sleep anymore to publish the work. I cannot run the risk of working on the newzletter undercover (aka working on it at work) anymore because there are many foreign elements buzzing around my usual hideout spot. Please note that I am taking a chance even getting you up to speed today. I am not going to make you a promise about getting you a full newzletter next week. However, I promise that I would make it up to you. I have been thinking about doing something a little more in-depth on my tennis coverage but we would see how that goes. I do sincerely apologize. I do enjoy writing this “blog” newzletter but at times, it can be overwhelming. Keeping up with matches, work, chores and gym (You know I cannot talk about how out of shape people are if I too am not in shape. And just so you know, I do not need to tan…mine is built in), it makes getting to this newzletter not so not primary importance. I do assure you that I would be correcting all these issues in the future and come Australian Open 2011, we would be as current as CNN. Anyway, to the tennis.

Mommie Dearest hungry for another title….

I have to admit that one of the reasons for there not being a newzletter so regularly is that I was afraid that I would have betrayed my personal problems. I am sure many of you have guessed it by now. I feared my dear readers that you would have realized that I am addicted to V….we speak about none other than the One That We Cannot Speak About. I have slipped up so many many times and actually referred to her by name. I have a sickness, an illness, a madness….I have to be seriously deranged to get on this bandwagon again. However, I cannot help myself…..the hunger for her success drives me to want more and more V. My thirst it seems cannot be satisfied by mere droplets….It seems that I need to drain the source. You know in the beginning, I picked She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to win this and by gosh, she has not disappointed me in the least. She is set to play Mommie Dearest in the semi-finals this evening in what was a re-match of last year’s Round of 16, which was so up and down 6-0 0-6 6-4 in favor of the Belgian. Now they have played each other 12 times and they are tied 6-6, with the Belgian Waffle winning the last 4 matches, most recently in Miami where she put a thumping on the American 6-2 6-1. Though in She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’s defense, she was greatly hampered by knee pain, which impacted her movement on court. The Belgian Waffle is the reigning US Open champ and previous winner in 2005. By mere technicality, she has an unbeaten streak of 19 matches at the Open as she did not play from 2006-2009. Therefore, winning 7 more matches in 2009 and 5 more thus far this year, she is like a rolling stone gathering momentum. Interesting fact that in both her US Open wins, she had to beat Ve…ah hem I mean She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named in order to win the title. This year, I am hoping for a change. Mommie Dearest who married an American and lives in Jersey (I wonder if she would replace Bethany on next season’s Real Housewives of New Jersey) is given far more love in the US than the actual American. However, all that does not matter because everything is on the line. The Crackhead (okay I would not be so mean) She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named has not lost a single semi-final match this year and is 3-2 in finals. She has beaten Mommie Dearest this year when she took the Billie Jean Cup and 1 million dollars in prize in March. However, as that was an exhibition match, it does not count on the tour but for me, a win is a win. Anyway, this would be a No Hold Bar Match but unfortunately, I cannot watch it live. I might die and you would not get to write the final newzletter on Monday. I can only stomach this match in the re-run if and only if She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named wins. I am going to be working out at the gym this evening in order to deal. All biasness aside, the match is She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to win or lose. She has to get into a great serving rhythm and keep the unforced errors down. The Belgian Waffle has been serving horribly this tournament especially against D’Stove in the quarterfinals.

I am coming for you this time…mommie….

This match up is only one of two semi-finals for the ladies. The Danish Butter Cookie, Caroline Wozniacki is up against Vera Zvonavera. Now Zvonavera aka Vera ZvonaZero has shown herself to be a stuff cookie. As recent as last year’s US Open, the Russian had a Chernobyl meltdown on court. It was a disaster area on court as she lost a match that was already in the bag. She has re-built on that catastrophe getting to the finals of Wimbledon. She has shown herself to be the true Russian It Girl despite shrieking imitation. What is interesting about this match-up is that the Dane and the Russian have met 4 times and are tied 2-2. The ladies semi-finals are going to be on fire. The Butter Cookie wants to prove that she is a contender for majors and the Russian wants everyone to know that Wimbledon was on a fluke. My money is on the Russian though because Wozniacki is playing junior tennis and does not possess a weapon. The Russian of course will lose if she implodes on the court, which she is often times likely to do. However, it does not matter which one of them wins because the winner is coming from the other side though Kimmie has to watch out because Zvonavera beat her at Wimbledon.

Danish Butter Cookie….FIERCE

Zvonavera.. Pumped and Ready

To the men… I know tons of people think I do not like Rafael Nadal and to be honest, they are to a certain extent correct. However, the actual truth it is not that I dislike Nadal as a tennis player because truth be told, Nadal is a tennis anomaly. He is a manufactured tennis genius, which makes him all the more special. However, as there are currently two geniuses in tennis right now, Mr. Federer, the regular kind and Divadal, I can only be a fan of one. Since, Mr. Federer and I share a psychic bond and many many other connections including being “family members” he is the obvious choice. Divadal is family too. Anyway, even the good book says that a donkey cannot serve two masters and though I am not one for always throwing out scriptures, I am no @$$. Anyway, I speak of Divadal because he has become a juggernaut at this US Open. Through 5 rounds of tennis, he has only been broken ONCE… that is he has won 76/77 service games and YET to drop a set. His serve is no longer a liability but money in the bank. There is no doubt that he can win this title to complete the career grand slam but I am still liking Mr. Federer for the entire thing. But before Divadal can get to the finals, he has to overcome Russian Mikhail Youzhny who beat him in 2007 quarterfinals if I am not mistaken. However, Youzhny has to play with the dexterity and virtuosity of Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky combined to beat Divadal tomorrow and to be honest, I am not even sure that might be enough because Divadal is playing like Mozart, the greatest of them all.

Gimmie a D for diva, an I for intense, a V for volatile an A for aggressive, a D for determined, an A-all in black and a L for left-handed…what do you got DIVADAL….

I couldn’t find a picture of Youzhny so I figure I use a picture of Safina because he looks like her with short hair….

See what I mean…this is Mikhail Youzhny who would take on Divadal… I wonder if they are sure it is Marat Safin who is Dinara's brother and not Mischa here?

In the other menz semi-finals, Mr. Federer would take on Serbian harlot D’Joker Harlequeen. They have meet in the last 3 US Open and Mr. Federer has dealt with him handily. It would be an interesting match up. Mr. Federer has looked stellar as well. His serve, forehand, backhand, net play… all on like a boil corn. I guess I need not tell you that Lochness Monster lost in the 3rd round to Stanislas Wawrinka. SHOCKER OF THE TOURNAMENT. He better call up the waiter and have him wrap up his 2010 Grand Slam major because he is done. It would have been interesting to see him play Divadal but alas, you have to win to play and he most certainly lost. I tell you, it is going to be an interesting US Open 2010 finale. Do not be surprise if you hear that I have been taken to a local hospital for convalescence because I am gonna be all worked up come this weekend. See you on Monday…..thus far…my predictions have held true.

D’Joker Harlequeen

Master Class…Mr. Federer…

  1. Guess u didn’t realize that the one who has no name has lost yet again…destroying ur hopes of victory for yet another grandslam tournament…at least she is consistent in something!

    • Apparently you didn’t realize that it is a Preview of the semifinals and therefore, she didn’t lose as yet. I know she lost. Another sad day in tennis…

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