Realz

Aussie Open 2011: Preview and Predictions

In Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Australian Open, Caroline Wozniacki, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Kim Clijsters, Li Na, Lleyton Hewitt, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Tennis, Venus Williams, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka on January 16, 2011 at 3:16 pm

The 2011 Australian Open is about to get on its way and yes RTFN would be there to give you hit by hit, shot for shot and round by round coverage over the next two weeks. That means I would be all booked up for the next two weeks. Anyway, this might be a short entry because it’s only to deal with the preview and prediction for this year’s tournament.

We start with the women: Serenanator has not played a single match since her victory at the 2010 Wimbledon in July. So she has been out for over five months and has announced that she will not defend her Australian Open title. She has claimed that she is still recovering from her foot injury sustained while at a bar in Germany during  last year’s World Cup celebration when she allegedly cut her foot. She has had two surgeries to deal with complications from the injury. There has been much speculation as to the validity of her injury and the time off. Now see the thing with the WTA and friends who be running their mouths about Serena, is that they do not have a consistent message. She is playing tennis and they are on her case going on about her being this way or that way. We even had Mario Carillo claiming that she should have been banned from majors because of her US Open 2009 semi-finals blow up on court. So now that she off the tour, you making noise about her not being there. Make up your bloody minds you people. I think the real truth of the matter is that they like having Serena around because she is the spark that gives WTA life and she is good for the ratings. It makes for good television when they are hating on Serena. However, the real truth of the matter and what people should be trying to figure out is WHY THE HELL WAS HOME GURL IN SOME BAR IN GERMANY, BAREFOOT?? Or was it that she was wearing paper maché shoes? I mean SERIOUSLY?? I don’t even have the strength to deal with this one. I put it for you fanz to comment and deal with that one.

I really have to pay $20 to get in?? How about we keep our @$$ home? But I can't hate for too long because only the Serenanator can work a booty.

Anyway back to the tennis. So with the Serenanator out of the tournament, that leaves a host of other players with a real good chance to win their first Aussie Open title or in the case of Justine “Cheating” Henin, win a second. The Serenanator has 5 Aussie Open titles (2003, 2005, 2007, 2009 and 2010) no doubt Melbourne is a second home for her though the Melbourne crowd was rooting for Cheating Henin last year. I digress again.. Anyway that leaves players like Mommie Dearest, Cheating Henin, Danish Biscuit, Venus Williams (I said we not calling her Crackhead anymore so I am trying to work up on a name…Hmmmmmm I think I got one but later for that) Sam “D’Stove” Stosur and Vera Zvonareva with a chance to win. You know, I am going to keep it realz with you people, I really think that the three real contenders are Mommie Dearest and Cheating Henin. They are the ones with the all court game and also the mental fortitude to win this thing.

2010 Finalist Cheating Justine can make it to the finals and be the 2011 Champion

I am not going to be foolish and speak much of Venus Williams but she too is capable of winning this tournament in straight sets, demolishing anyone who is placed as in front of her as an opponent. BUT she is also capable of losing in straight sets to some player who we have never heard of but inexplicably able to beat Venus Williams at a major.. The rebound ace surface is tailor-made for her game. However, I do not trust her and that fcuking serve. It’s a killer. If she wins, she wins and one just has to take her one round at a time. First round she has feisty Sara Errani of Italy. Venus has not played since the US Open semifinals loss to Mommie Dearest so she is really rusty. She played two singles matches in an exhibition tournament and lost them both. She said she wasn’t worried. What can I say, it’s Venus Williams. So in truth, I am not factoring in Venus Williams nor am I factoring her out of the mix. Let’s just put her in a special box and mark it, “Though we have Great Expectations, we know it’s only A Midsummer’s Night Dream

See...this is how Venus and I be fighting...WTF with this hair? Is she really serious with this crap?

She is the only black woman I know capable of making weave look nappy and that ain't right. Plain ole WRONG!

The reason why one has to favor the Belgians, Mommie Dearest and Cheating Henin, is because they have both won majors in the past and Kim being the heavier favorite is a very good hard court player. She is in excellent shape, looking far fitter than she did before she popped a baby out. She has won the last major and definitely showed tougher grit than she has in the past. However, she lost inexplicable to Li Na/Na Li last week in straight sets after being up 5-0 in the first set. And last year, Nadia Fatrova just mopped the court with her 6-0 6-1 I think during the second round. So my comment about her being mentally tough might just work out for naught. Cheating Henin who again mysteriously disappears/appears on the tour is back and she is always a deadly player. She has a wicked backhand and an even more deadly forehand. Coupled this with the fact that she has inexplicable power for big shots, she can definitely beat anyone on tour. She has serving issues though so that might be her one liability and the same can be said of Kimmie too. However, Cheator is very aggressive and having made it to the finals last year, she will be wanting to claim the crown now that the Serenanator is not around. The Belgians however have tricky first round matches so they have to be on their guard very early Kim vs former number one player Dinara Safina aka Dinada Safina aka Marat Safin aka a total headcase who has lost her way in the wilderness that can be professional tennis and Cheating Justine vs. Sania Mirza of India.

Kim trying to get it together to win her first Australian Open title but I hope she isn't trying to do it in this hot mess Pepto Bismal pink.

As for the other ladies, I really do not think they stand much of a chance. But as we want to take up space, we will give them some mention of the sorts. No1 ranked Danish Biscuit like we said, she might be number one but she doesn’t have a number one game. She got no real weapons and she comes off like a real high schooler on court, as if she does not deserve to be here. She might have her hands full with the Argentine Gisela Dulko who can cause all sorts of trouble for people.

It takes a certain amount of balls to be Number One on the women's tour and the Danish biscuit thinks she has it.

No2 ranked Vera Zvonareva might sneak in there seeing as she now has confidence of some sorts but in her last two major finals; she got pummeled so I cannot really count her in. What’s even funnier is that No1 and No2 have yet to come close to winning a major. No3 is Kim and we already talked about her. No4 is Venus, we already talked about her too. No5 is Sam Stosur. I think she got really lucky by getting to the French Open finals where she could have won her first major tournament. She choked and she is not going to get that opportunity again. She got the home crowd on her side but she is going out by the 4th round. No6 Francesa Schiavone, she is out by the 3rd round. No7 Fivehead Jankovic…well she can be a dangerous floater but the star that she was in the past has already faded. She too is going to fall by the way side. No8 and No9 can be the most problematic Li Na/Na Li and Victoria Azarenka. They are my two dark horses of the women draw. Li Na/Na Li got the semis last year pushing the Serenanator to the two tiebreakers and Victoria has had the misfortune of playing the best tennis down under until but meets Serenanator. This time around for both ladies, there is no Serena so they might just do some real damage this time around. No10 is Shahar Peer of Israel but I assure you that the Red Sea would be parted again before Peer wins this Australian Open. Interestingly No11 Cheating Henin is really the clear favorite for many people and that’s saying something about the WTA and the real state of women’s tennis.

Li Na/Na Li looking ready and able to do some chop suey at the Aussie Open. Don't sleep on this for sure.

Watch out for the Azarenka, she loves the Land Down Under but she is looking a bit out of shape.

There are some other names like Nadia Petrova, Maria Shriekapova, Marian Bartoli, Svetlana Boynetsova, Ana Ivanovic who can cause some sort of trouble but at the end of the day, they not going to do anything to upset the natural order. Maria has won in Australia in 2008 but she is looking like a mere shadow of herself. I daresay if this year continues to be as dismal as the last couple of years, she is going to an Ana Kournikova and leave the tour. She is already engaged to some Russian NJ Nets basketball player. The WTA really needs to get these women to play better tennis because these days the tour just leaving me dull unless it’s a favorite playing. When it comes to men tennis, the quality is so much better. In the last 7 out of 8 major finals for women have all been beat downs of sorts for the losing opponents and it’s the veterans that are winning.  But anyway, I am not really looking for much excitement from the women. It’s the menz that’s going to have everyone and everything buzzing.

They can even walk on water

Even though the men would bring more excitement than the women, even their draw is a two-man race: Divadal and Mr. Federer. Divadal if he were to win this major would have all four majors in his hand at the same time giving him a Divadal Slam and not a Grand Slam, which has to be done in the same calendar year. Nevertheless, Rod Laver hateration or not, it would an amazing accomplishment. I know a lot of Divadal fanz would love to see this but I am with Lochness Monster on this one, I hope he does not achieve it at all. However, Divadal has won here before in 2009 and knows how to beat players especially Mr. Federer. However, Mr. Federer, who is in the bottom half of the draw, is the defending champion and he can be very tough to beat especially at the Aussie Open where he has been in the semi-finals or better since 2004 and has four titles. The invincibility shield that he once wore is no longer there but Mr. Federer is putting in the work and showing the effort out on court and is a very very dangerous contender. D’Joker who is in Mr. Federer’s side of the draw has to bring his A game if he wants to hang with Mr. Federer when or if they get to the semifinals. D’Joker has lost their two subsequent matches after the US Open semifinals failing to even win a set off Mr. Federer. I should mention that Beetlejuice, Mr. Decker and Stanislav Wawrinka are all in Mr. Federer’s quarter but look for Mr. Federer to be in the semifinals come what may. There are some dangerous floaters in D’Joker’s side of the draw such as the White Russian Nikolay Davydenko who took out Divadal in straight sets and also Tomas Berdych and Fernando “Tabasco” Verdasco who I think pushed Divadal to the limit in 2009 semi-finals after beating D’Joker. D’Joker has had little rest this off season but said he is ready for the Open. The match-ups on the men’s side are going to be thrilling.

The D'Joker is going to be all business this time around at the Aussie Open

On Divadal’s side of the draw, he has Lochness Monster looming as a potential semifinal opponent but he has to get through Robin Hood who is actually No4 in the world. Le Monster has dropped to No5 in the world. Divadal will have his hands full with dangerous floaters like his former boo Feliciano Lopez, Marin “Praying Mantis” Cilic and John Isner. The top half of the draw does have much drama in it but there is a sweet first round encounter between David Nalbandian and Lleyton “Dingo Dog” Hewitt. Now there is history between the two as far back as 2002 when they met in the Wimbledon finals and Lleyton won his last major title. Either player are at the place where they use to be a la 2002 and though the crowd would be behind their local favorite, Nalbandian is a tough tough opponent and he can beat anyone including the big 4 and/or 5. I guess we have to add Soderling to the mix seeing as he is legitimately No4 in the world. Anyway, I think Divadal should get to the semifinals but he has been complaining as usual. He lost to Davydenko a couple of weeks ago and claimed he had a fever all week long. Dividal is always complaining when he lose and his fanz..namely one particular fan who we shall not name, one Mr. Brown…Mr. K. Brown who is always coming up with an excuse whenever Divadal loses. For the love of sport, it’s a game and someone has to win and another loses. Sometimes even the best loses as well. Remember the GAME IS WON AND LOST ON THE FIELD. Ask the Patriots. Their 14-2 record does not mean shit at this point.

Lochness Monster be looking to lock up the title this time around for his first major title

Robin Hood might just all gangsta at the Aussie Open this year

I should mention that Beast Boy is back lurking in the draw…so watch out, the 2009 US Open Champion might

All in all, my final prediction is Kim/Justine for the women and Divadal/Mr. Federer though I am leaning for Mr. Federer but that could be personal bias working here. Anyway watch out for Day 1 coverage coming up in a few.

Kimmie and Divadal might be the last two standing 2 weeks from now. Has Kimmie become an ER nurse...what's with the scrubs??

OTHER PHOTOS: Preparing for the Open..

I got all the ballz in my court ladies... wanna join me

Venus I know people may not have an issue with camel toe but gurl I can see lips and that might be a bit too much

Divadal showing us his stuff. BTW why is his pants up so high?

Divadal chit-chatting with his former boo Feliciano Lopez

Baby Ali is back and healthy thus far

He deserves a second shot 😉

VIEWERS’ DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Wurk It GURLS!!

Gimme a hug gurl...haven't seen you in ages..

Let's do some light rubbing and touching before the match starts

You know what, I don't know what Dingo Dog and D'Joker doing here but WOW for D'Joker. WOW!

Like daughter, like mother... WTF Oracene?? Looking like you just pop out of the Wiz

Oracene's brother Cowardly, the Lion from the Wiz

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  1. That comment about oracine was unwarranted..mama williams look good…venus all the way…

    • You need glasses…Oracene Price is a bit much now…that wig is out of control. She stole that from some movie set for the Wizard of Oz or something.

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