Realz

Aussie Open: Day 4

In Andy Murray, Australian Open, David Nalbandian, Dinara Safina, Grand Slam, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Kim Clijsters, Vera Zvonareva on January 21, 2011 at 7:45 am

So by the time you read this, Day 4 at the Aussie Open would have been completed and Day 5 would be on its way. I have to say that there has been little exciting tennis and/or major drama to report other than what has already been reported in previous postings. They…tennis commentators, are really trying to generate as much drama as possible for this Aussie Open but there is not much going on. Things are mainly progressing as they should. Mind you, there are/were some hiccups but all in all, I say things are pretty much where they should be.

Where is everybody??

But anyway, before we get to the tennis issues, I need to deal with a few housekeeping issues. I know many people think that this newzletter is a lark and I agree that it was never meant to be serious. I set out to change the coverage of tennis and not that I think that I am some instrument of change but like Dr. King once said, “Be the change that you want.” or something to that effect.

Hey can I speak with you bit?? I'm serious here okay

Now I produce this newzletter, errors and all, at a great sacrifice to myself. I forsake sleep and social outings so as to make this happen. Now I know that I am not doing anyone a favor. No one asked for the newzletter to come to them or do they need it. However, the newzletter came out of a need to provide some sort of office or just life distraction, humor and things of that manner. I do not operate like a dictator who is unscathed by dissenting opinions or am I troubled by differing opinions. This publication has always been open to suggestions and comments. I say all this to say that I am not forcing myself onto you. I believe, that most people who have asked that it be forwarded to them, do have a genuine interest in tennis or at the very least, a favorable inkling for it. I know most people enjoy the picture show. It’s funny and that’s as much fun for me as talking about tennis. Anyway, the point is that I have not seen any real response of people going onto the blog and commenting etc etc. I find that a bit disappointing. It would take you no more than 5 minutes in between your facebooking while you at home. As a matter of fact, why not link it on your page as your status update. I do feel this newzletter is just as worthy of mention on your facebook page as what you are about to do, did do, done did or you do do. I have checked the blog http://www.realztenisfanz.wordpress.com and very little activity from the public. People complain that it is too long but no one is asking you for a critical response but just some sort of response would be nice. And I assure you that if you were to read the entire thing, you would be wishing that it never ends. I am not asking for praise; I assure you that I have my own personal fanz club to do that for me. However, I would really appreciate some feedback that’s all. I am done writing/speaking about this matter. Next step, action.

Congratulations to Andre Agassi for being inducted into the Tennis Hall of Fame this year. I can't stand the man but I do admire his legacy

So anyways, Day 4 at the Aussie Open was pretty much mild. On the ladies side, Mommie Dearest(3) faced Lady Hobbit aka Carla Narravo-Suarez of Spain. You might remember her as the mythical character that beat RT at the Aussie Open in 2009 2nd round. However, there would be no repeat of that inexplicable victory as Mommie Dearest kept her in check 6-1 6-3. BTW RT beat down Lady Hobbit at Wimbledon later that year I think as if she had stolen her favorite Gucci purse.

Just look at this!!! Is this worthy of international amnesty?? She looks like she just ran away from St. Jude's Hospital or something. (I am going to be in deeper hell for that one)

And while we are on the subject of Kimmie, I just have to say how much I felt Kimmie was being a lil itchy after her match. Now Australian Todd Woodridge/Woodsomething was interviewing her and Kimmie put the man on blast. He is a Hall of Fame doubles champion. So apparently he sent a text to fellow Aussie Renae Stubbs asking whether Kimmie was pregnant again. He added in the text message that his reason for thinking so was because her boobs looked bigger and that her face was more grumpy. First off, Kimmie is at her slimmest ever so I do not know why he thought she could be pregnant although he is right about her boobs. However, that’s what happen to women’s boobs when you can a man and a child going at them very regular. Kimmie can do all sort of splits and dips on the court. Don’t believe for a second that her giant of a basketball husband not taking advantage of her flexibility…but we are digressing. Anyhow, so the man sent a private text message to Stubbs who I am going to say ain’t no Ride or Die Chick…true be told, she really looks more like a cock but we not here for that. Stubbs is a snitch. And snitches get stitches. So in front of everyone, Kimmie asked the man about the matter during her on court interview where children are in attendance. Kimmie has a right be upset. However, it is not like the man published his assumption in a periodical or something. He asked a friend for some gossip. Now that is hardly worth public embarrassment. It does show that Mommie Dearest is really cut off the Ole Joan Crawford because this is how the ole school Diva would have played it. Shame on you Kimmie, you earning no points and favor at this publication. FYI she did apologize for the massacre of Dinada Safina. She said she was embarrassed. Whatever you Belgian Waffle. You have just given the girl a game. Let her win a service game or something or even let her break you. It would not have done you a thing.

See she does look meaner and look at them boobs, they sweating. Forgive the man if he not familiar with the ladies parts.

Vera Zvonareva(2) like I predicted had a tough time again Bojana Jovanovski as the young Serb came out of the blocks firing winning it 6-2. But there is a favourite saying of ours here at RTFN, “those with an injured leg would take an early lead” and Jovanovski did not disappoint. She just totally self-destructed on the court and the Russian just blew her off the court. Other winners include Sam Stosur(5) of Australia, Shahar Peer(10) of Israel aka Spearer (She is very efficient on court plus I was not a fan of the suggestion to refer to her as the Jewess Hammer) Italian Flavia Penne Pasta Pennette(22), Polish Agnes Radwanska(12) and Russian Nadia Fatrova(13) and Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova(16). There were three upsets by way of seeded players losing to lower ranked players as Spain’s Maria Martinez-Sanchez(26) lost to Alize Cornet of France (So happy to see her doing well again. A very talented French player) Russia’s Alisa “Klondyke Bar” Kleybanova(24) lost to Simona Halep of Romania as did her compatriot Maria Kirilenko(18). The “surprise upset” was Fivehead Jankovic(7) losing to Shuai Peng of China. Now Fivehead was up in the first set but just became unhinged on the court losing in straight sets 6-7 3-6. She was all over the place and I swear Peng was playing club tennis. Her shots were more suited for table-tennis than they were for the hard-court. It was ridiculous. Fivehead meanwhile has lost 7 of her last 8 matches.

I have fiveheads but I could not get one mind together out there on court

Shahar Peer...aka the Spearer

On the men’s side, things were about the same. ESPN commentators tried to make much out of Ryan Sweeting, (American by way of the Bahamas) and his match up with Divadal but you know how that one went right. Dividal was showing mercy with his 6-2 6-1 6-1 beat down. Robin Hood also closed things out in straight sets as did Jo-Willie Tsonga, Lochness Monster, Marin Cilic, David Ferrer and Jurgen Melzer. American John Isner also made it through to the 3rd round. Congratulations. It was a very regular day at the office for most players. However, there were some losers. Bernard Tomic the lone Aussie Men’s hope took care of Feliciano Lopez(31). Lopez was just totally listless out on court and allowed Tomic to get ahead in the match until he lost in straight sets. Lopez who is a far better player than his 31st ranking, played yesterday as if he were ranked 93. His behavior certainly did not seem that of a seasoned professional tour compared to Tomic who is merely 19 years old.

Aussie Bernard Tomic, the youngest man left in the draw at 19

Nalbandian who pulled off that major victory against Dingo Dog Hewitt in the 1st round was out of gas in his 2nd round match as he lost 1-6 0-6 0-2 as he retired from the match. I guess he spent too much energy against Hewitt. That’s really sad because he is a really good player.

Sweeting was a sitting rubber ducky for Divadal

I don't think you are ready for this jelly because my body too bootylicious for yah!!

Marcos Fatdatis...at least he isn't hairy making him an all unattractive bear

All that being said, I think the most interesting matchup of the bad was Cypriot Marcos Fatdatis vs. Beast Boy Juan Martin Del Potro of Argentina. Now I am not a huge fan of Delpo as he is called by many. I think he lacks a certain polish/finish and does not work to acquire this. He can beat the top players as shown in 2009 US Open. However, he continues to camp out way behind the baseline and whack away at the ball, which resulted in his wrist injury a la last year. To play at the top level you need to stay healthy and play smart tennis. I know others might disagree, power will win you matches and you might get a major, here or there. But history has proven me right on this end, it is finesse that makes you a legend and keeps you winning more and more. Pete Sampras had a huge serve but he won his majors at net (I know that would be classic example people might throw out to counteract me) So Delpo and Fatdatis were up to play and not surprising that Delpo lost. He is not ready for this level and Fatdatis is no easy customer and he pressed the issue and took advantage of the Delpo’s vacationing in “Melbourne” as Serenanator calls way behind the baseline. Delpo did win a set but Fatdatis took it in four. With this lost Delpo will fall in the rankings to about 400. Yes that far into the abyss. He is a much better player than this ranking but he needs to develop a better game plan.

Adios amigo

BIG PICTURE SHOW

 

The Danish biscuit taking up some cricket. Gotta give her some props for that

Resident nottie...Radek Stepanek aka Shark Boy

Oh my god, it is touching me...STOP IT....STOP IT..Im I am turning into stone...HELP!!!!

I, myself, am confused as to what it is

I dont know what it is that I am wearing. Can someone help me??

Sprinting off the mark

I guess he is from these crazy fanz

Hmmm...so he has no issue with a ball being in his mouth....and what do you know...I have a pair...

I know....I too am very excited by the prospect of our possibility

I have to say give Lacoste extra credit this time around for making D'Stove look more gentile/lady like in white

How about a hand job??

Fanz what you are looking is the beginning of a condition called "Gayamnesia" You may not find it in a text book but I assure you it is realz. But I would explain. You are drinking with friends of the same sex as seen above and things and people become hot and bothered and clothes start going with alcohol still flowing. Sudden urges to "whisper" soft nothings to your friends and tell them how much you love them. Then the next day...well..next day you "forget" but have a pain in the rear or a dribble that is thicker than spittle and an extra pep in your step. And if after the evidence you still don't know what happen as you are sandwiched between your naked friends, looking to quietly and shamefully exit the room/car/camping ground/motel/lawn area/beach/bar/bathroom, then you have "gayamnesia"

So if you don’t want to have an episode of gayamnesia…you might want to stay far away from

these people if you are a guy

 

or these fembots if you are a lady....Actually you might want to run far away because the one doing the push up is giving a lil Kathy Bates a la Misery vibe

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  1. Another excellent edition of the newzletter. Here is to an Aussie win by the spearer

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