Late edition Aussie Open 2011: Day 7

In Andy Roddick, Australian Open, Caroline Wozniacki, Fernando Verdasco, Francesca Schiavone, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Stanislav Wawrinka, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tomas Berdych on January 24, 2011 at 6:44 am

So the Round of 16 got on its way “today” and with it signified the beginning of the 2nd week of the major. There were some really key matchups today so we would not really waste any time discussing other matters but get straight to the matches.

On the women’s side.

Thus far the cookie is wiping out her competition

Danish Biscuit is proving to be a really tough cookie so far this championship as she is on point to win her first major championships. She took out Anastasija Sevastova of Latvia a surprise 4th rounder in straight sets 6-3 6-4. I think I have long suggested my feelings about the Dane but I have to say that she is showing great toughness when it comes to majors definitely winning the earlier rounds and putting herself in contention. Na Li/Li Na was up against Victoria Azarenka who for the past two years was playing hot tennis only to meet up on a red hot fire Serenanator who overcame early deficits in their matches. As a matter of fact both players were halted by Serenanator last year on her way to the crown. However, there is no Serenanator this year. Thus, I was expecting a real nice match between these two players who are dark horse picks to win the championships. However, as is the theme of her career, inconsistency plagued the Belarussian throughout the match and the Chinese was only too quick to pounce on her taking the match 6-3 6-3. I am definitely disappointed with Azarenka. I did not care if she lost the match but I expected more of a fight out there. However, kudos to Li Na/Na Li because she is playing like a champion and she is ready to become the first player from China to win a major singles title.

Azarenka self destructing again at the Aussie Open

Maria Shriekapova was set to face Andrea Petkovic who benefited from Russ Troll’s retirement in the 3rd round. This match was built up by the press with much intrigue because Shriekapova needed to win and get herself back in major contention. However, I did not think this match was going to be much of a contest because Shriekapova has been playing rather sloppy tennis. Her ground strokes were all over the place, her timing was off and her serve was atrocious, throwing in double faults as if that were the object of the game. Petkovic got a very lucky break when RT pulled out and she was not going to squander the opportunity. She schooled Maria. It was almost like watching the 2007 Australian Open finalz when Serenanator blitzed her on the court. Petkovic was tearing her apart on the court. Maria had no answer and never before had she been so dismantled by a virtual unknown. You know Maria is number 16 in the world because her game says she is number 16 in the world not because of the 2008 shoulder surgery. She had nothing to resort to because Petkovic was not paying attention to the grunts and the screams and the hollering. She was simply playing her game. She took the match 6-2 6-3 and it was only the grace of a higher power why Shriekapova did not go down 6-2 6-1. Petkovic choked while serving for the match the first time allowing Maria to break and hold her next service game. However, the German was not going to be denied the match when she served for it again. She will face Li Na/Na Li in the quarters. After her match, the German did this sorta victory dance that I thought was somewhat tasteless…perhaps it is youthful exuberance etc but I was not really feeling it but as it was against Shriekapova I did not mind so much but it still irked me. She needs to stop that. Save that for the ridiculous German techno clubs. A even more interesting matchup however awaits her in the quarters against the Chinese. I am leaning towards Li Na/Na Li.

What the hell is this shite?? Looking like Gumby in Saturday Night Fever

"I suck big time!" Just don't swallow

The other women’s round of 16, Boynetsova vs. Schiabone, The battle of the last two French Open winners did not hold much interest for me to be quite honest. I mean it was basically a matchup for the ATP masquerading as WTA tour. I kid…I kid. The real issue is that I am not a big fan of either plus I figured Kuzie would have pulled this one out of the bag in straight sets. She came into the tournament in better shape and look ready to get her rankings back up in the top 10 furthermore, she beat her nemesis Cheating Justine in straight sets. What more of a confidence boaster the Russian needed? Oh yeah, she needed a change of citizenship. Kuzie came out flat against the Italian who took the first set 6-4. Now, you know I had said in the preview that I did not think that Schiabone had any business past the 3rd round but lookie here, she was in the 4th round and presumably winning at this point. Now, Kuzie came back out blazing in the 2nd set taking it 6-1 and started off the 3rd with a break. She was up 4-2 in the 3rd set. I was sure Kuzie had this in her man bag but you know she is Russian and she had to be dramatic about it. Next thing you know Kuzie got broken and we back on serve. I was like WTF Kuzie, you really like looking for more drama after the Justine debacle. Now the thing with Kuzie is that in these instances when she has the lead, it when she plays her worst tennis. I am sure I have mentioned this in the past that at all the majors with the exception of the US Open, there is no final set tiebreak. You have to continue play until you have a two game advantage past 6. So anyway, Kuzie was up 8-7 I think with Schiabone serving. Kuzie had triple match points. That’s right TRIPLE MATCH POINTS had Schiabone down LOVE-40 and the Russian T-Rex came up with plays from the Jurassic era when she wasted them all. She would go on to have three more match points to again squander them away. Schiabone did break the Raptor a couple times throughout the 3rd set but like I said, Kuzie was playing better when she was behind. Eventually though, Kuzie became extinct on the court as the Italian took her out 6-4 1-6 16-14 becoming the longest ever women’s grand slam match 4h 44mins. Kuzie should have won this match but all kudos got to the Italian for pulling through. Schiabone will play the Danish Biscuit. I am leaning towards the Italian but she might be tired after this exhausting match. So the Dane might have a slight edge.

The longest women's match in major history

In the men’s matches

Steady hands Mr. Federer!

Mr. Federer was playing Tommy Robredo of Spain. Spain I have to say has an almost virtual lock up on these championships. The menz are all over the place in the Round of 16 fielding 5 of the 16 men. Anyway, Mr. Federer is playing Tommy Robredo who Mr. Federer owns. Now tell me why is it that Mr. Federer being up 6-3 in the first set, lost the second 3-6? Mr. Federer seemed to be bored on court or something or losing his mind because he was making some mindless plays. I do know he is trying to make that backhand a formidable weapon in his arsenal but he is going for too much too often. Nothing was wrong with the slice backhand just that it was the only thing he offered up on that wing, which was problematic against the top players. However, Mr. Federer seems to be going for broke on all his backhands which are not producing the stellar results he expect. I have to admit my frustration with Mr. Federer but he pulled sets 3 and 4 out of the bag 6-3 6-2 and was on his way awaiting his quarterfinals opponent. Let me say again that I am not a fan of the Paul Anacone pick for coach but I would be willing to admit being wrong if I see real results, which thus far have not been entirely bad.

Tommy was getting fever from Mr. Federer

Two of the three remaining men’s quarterfinals were complete whitewash…well actually the 3rd was as well but I am saving the third for last. Anyway, Lurch completely dismantled Tabasco Verdasco who was looking more like mayonnaise on the court. Lurch was a virtual juggernaut on the court as he did no wrong and produced winner after winner throughout the match. Verdasco had no reply and did all that he could to simply save face and not go out without winning a game 6-4 6-2 6-3. I mean Verdasco has no business in the 4th round as he was suppose to be home after the 2nd round but Tanko Tipseravic certainly allowed the Spaniard to live for another day but I assure you, Lurch made Verdasco look amateur on court. It was a crucial beatdown.

Guess who is watching D'Joker's match instead of ex-boo? Tabasco Verdasco's game. Hmmm I guess death threats do work after all.

However, he was not the only Spaniard being spanked on court as D’Joker was giving lessons in cruelty. He was merciless against Nicolas Almagro 6-3 6-4 6-0. D’Joker really looked stellar and it should be a good match between D’Joker and Lurch who last faced each other at Wimbledon when Lurch took it to move to his first major finals. However, D’Joker has a 5-1 record against the Czech and I think the match against Tabasco Verdasco was the absolute best that Lurch can give. So I am expecting a tough match with D’Joker pulling through. And while we are on the subject of D’Joker, you not going to believe this harlequeen. So during his match, one he was winning convincingly, the umpire gave him a warning for illegal coaching violation. In the men’s game, you are not allowed any sort of coaching during the match. Now D’Joker and his coach were so much in conversation, they might as well had call for a timeout and pulled out the old clipboard with x’s and o’s. Anywho, so he got the warning. Now a warning is just that, a warning which carries no point penalty. So here is where it gets really cute from the D’Joker. During an interview, he is asked about the matter. He admits to the violation and said that it occurred on several occasions. However, “I do not agree that the umpire should have given me a warning. I should have been given a warning before the warning.” WTF? WTMFF? You want a warning for a warning? Queen please! Get the fcuk outta here. Anyway, he will face Lurch in the quarterfinals.

You just got schooled royally by a Harlequeen

In the final men’s Round of 16 match in the bottom half, Mr. Brooklyn Decker was facing Swiss Stanislav Wawrinka who took out Beetlejuice in the 3rd round. Now, Stan is a good player. He is a top ten player. However, Stan is a fat tennis player. He has a wicked backhand and looking at him on court, so is his backside. I say this not to be insulting but to be honest. Stanislav used to be a fit trim player. However, since marriage and child, he has added the daddy poundage. Anyway, he was on a definite confident high and though ranked 19 in the world he was a slight favorite to the pundits against Mr. Decker ranked 8 in the world. However, in my book, Stan was the overwhelming favorite because Mr. Decker in the previous three rounds did nothing impressive and Stan Wawrinka showed all the faults in the American blowing him off the court 6-3 6-4 6-4. Meanwhile, Wawrinka would face his countryman Mr. Federer.

I give up!

Now, we here at RTFN have long discussed the Roddick dilemma and made suggestions etc to the man’s game. However, Roddick aka Mr. Decker continues to be boneheaded. I mean that 4th round match was not sad because of the score line but because Mr. Decker got beat by an out of shape player and he did not put up a fight. Had Mr. Decker faced the other Swiss, he would have been served a high carb diet of triple bagel without cause or concern to his daily caloric intake. See, I would tell you the story of Andy Roddick. Now, Roddick is from good ole Nebraska and someone I am sure saw him and figured he would make a great athlete. I am also sure that he had neither the mind nor temperament for team sports because anyone who have seen that boy play know he is one selfish self-centered fool and loves the lime light. So someone suggested tennis not because he is naturally apt for the sport but because he is capable of playing the game and had the body type. With that came the problems because no one taught him the true fundamentals of the game. Yes he got the big serve and forehand. However, Decker being a jock is unable to learn the rudimentary of the game. He always looks unkempt, lackluster and without polish on court. He barely knows how to construct points and being 28, he is unable to learn how to learn new aspects of the game to improve his technique. In other words, you cannot teach this old dog any new tricks. Now he lives in Texas where education is so revered. Against Wawrinka, Mr. Decker looked like a spectator in his own match as he continued to make the same mistake over and over again and did nothing to both the Swiss. See the problem is not only Andy to share because commentators constantly propped up Andy as if he was the 2nd coming of tennis. They failed to point to his errors and bad ways.

Spectator at his own match

Now in all of Andy’s major losses as of late, the issue remains Mr. Decker’s return of serve game. For instance against Wawrinka, he never broke the Swiss’s serve but Wawrinka on the other hand just broke him once each set. Mr. Decker was 0 of 3 in break points for the match. What sort of top level player is not going to create more chances for himself? The real truth of the matter is that Mr. Decker hardly knows what he is doing on the court. Larry Stefanki would have better success teaching lab rats to volley because Mr. Decker does not want to learn nor is he willing to learn. If you look at Mr. Decker’s matches in particular when he is losing, you would see that he is exerting no real effort. He has given on the match and has become like a spectator in his own match giving me that look of “Alien Valley Gurl.” As much as I hate on Mr. Decker, I do not have genuine hateration for him. However, I do think that his small window of opportunity is gone. He can compete and 2009 shows us that he can be relevant at the majors. However, there are a lot of players ahead of him and seemingly below him who are capable of beating him and beating him badly. I think what Andy is doing now is just working to remain in the top ten. He does not see himself being able to consistently beat the top level players so is just trying to maintain and be content with being the top American man. Shame because the US does not have anyone in the wings to take over for this has been.

Giving me the Alien Valley Gurl look



Adios Amigo, we are gonna miss you. However, now that you are single...we are free to mingle


You know all is not well when Schiabone is giving us more gurl than Kuzierex



This is Stan! Hi Stan! (Not even going to talk about them teeth. We not here for that. We on another hatereffic mission)

This use to be Stan back in 09

Stan got a new coach. Peter Lungren.

This is Stan today!

Let’s take that one again

Stan before new coach

Stan after with new fat coach.

FYI Wiki said that he has left his family as per his wife and their young daughter, so that he can devote himself to competitive tennis. He said he got like 5 years left in him. Hmmmmm from the looks of things, I think Stan is training for competitive eating and not competitive tennis. But we digress.

Suck my di....I mean my Richard itch!!!

Eat my kunst! (And before you all start having a tit-tie attack kunst is a real word.)

Out of control now! The Aussie Open is normally called the "Happy Slam" but I am going to dub it the "Gay Slam"

There is a word to describe what is going on here. "Docking" Not going to say anything else

WTF?? So it is free OB/GYN exam and Lemaz class on court now?

So does it still work? Can I see what it looks like? What happens if I touch it? Ooooooo Moral of the Day: Don't ever let a disability stop your sexuality! You go gurl




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