Day 4 a la French Open 2011

In Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, Dinara Safina, Francesca Schiavone, French Open, Grand Slam, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Stanislav Wawrinka, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tomas Berdych, Vera Zvonareva on May 25, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Day 4 at the French Open passed without any real major incident or upset. The usual suspects made it through to the 3rd round though some were made to have clawed their way there. Yet pour moi, there is this unshakeable feeling that this was merely the calm before the storm for tomorrow, Day 5. But we shall not get ahead of ourselves.  Before we go on, there are a few housekeeping matters I wish to clear up. Now for those who are accessing the blog, which in essence means EVERYONE, I will really like to hear from you regarding the layout of the page. I have been twiddling with the “theme” and trying to make it more reader friendly. I welcome any and all suggestions or technical support. I am also considering setting up a facebook account. I am not sure how helpful it would be but again I am all ears for feedback. I also beg that you do leave comments on the blog; whether words of admiration or hateration, just as long it is visible participation.

No lazying around in these parts. GET TO WORK

Anyway, for more the most part, I do not have any real subject matter to rant about. So, I thought I might as well give you some gossip. Now, the rumour in and of itself is a bit old but I recently saw something that drew my attention back to it. Now remember, you did not hear anything from me and do know that it is only gossip if YOU spread it. Now you might remember yesterday, I told you I had something to tell you about Frenchman Richard Gasquet; well here it is. Now Monsieur Gasquet is no stranger to the limelight as you would remember several years ago, he tested positive for cocaine at the Maimi Key Biscayne event. Now his explanation for the dope was bizarre not so much so because of the high improbability of it (transference occurred when a woman kissed him) but for the fact that he was kissing a woman.

Monsieur Gasquet

Now if the Court of Arbitration of Sports had asked me, which of course they did not, I would have promptly called for the ban of Gasquet when he came up with that lil fairy tale despite his burgeoning tennis skills. You see, Gasquet, in my humble and unquestionable gaydar opinion, had to have been high in order to approach or allow an approach of anyone of the opposite sex under the pretext of sexual/intimate contact, ergo, he knowingly though quite possibly capriciously used the drug before said alleged kiss took place, ergo, homeboi was already “partying” a bit. I mean seriously, where is this alleged “crackwhore.” I mean if he remembered the specific time, place and person who made this illicit transfer, would not it be easy to identify and question said “crackwhore.” Furthermore, if Gasquet knew it to be this specific woman as the source of his “drug use” he had to have seen her using the cocaine at some point prior to “the kiss” yet he allowed her to get up close and personal with him and make the “drop.” Who does he think he is talking to? But anyway, we not here for that, we got a bigger French to fry here.

Could this be the mystery lady?? Gasquet, it is the other way around! Stop bumping pocketbooks! Check out how Tsonga is doing it in the back.

So I was fishing around the internet during my search for photographs of Sam “D’Stove” Stosur when I came upon this interesting blog posting The blogger made a very valid point of saying that despite no player on the ATP has ever confirm that he is gay and/or bisexual (which in my opinion does not really exist in men but that is an entirely different subject matter and not one to be discussed here but let’s just say bisexual in my opinion is one who buys sex), the statistical probability is that 10% of them are in fact regularly playing with another pair of balls besides their own and the ones on court. So that means that at least one of the Top 10 is very likely to be gay but we do not need to talk about this matter because this matter is a long standing theme here  at RTFN and we not going to beat a dead horse. So anyway, in the blog the blogger alluded to a rumour that has been circling since 2007 about Richard Gasquet then barely 21, being involved with French telecommunication mogul and married Arnaud Lagadere, then 46; so he likes them “young fresh and green with no hair in…” Let me stop.

I mean he doesn't look 46....well granted he is now like 51 but I mean despite the leathery face, he could pass for 45..

I am going to forget the fact that the man is married (Sham Wow) and just say, “You go Richard! Good of you to recycle and play with old balls as you are always playing with new ones on court.” I mean if you going to get yourself a sugar daddy, you get one with some real sugar. Never ever sleep with the help. But anyway, both have denied the rumors with Gasquet saying on the matter, “This question has come back hundreds of times, and every time someone turns up saying, ‘I have evidence’ – it is just bulls**t. Neither him nor me are homosexuals, it’s absolutely obvious.” Hmmm is it? Here is an awkward exchange that took place back in 2007 during a press conference at the 2007 Tennis Masters Championship.

Q. Now your matches are finished. Do you still have any plan to go around
the city maybe with your uncle or your girlfriend?

RG: My uncle? No. My girlfriend, no. I have no girlfriend, so I will
try to find one, one Chinese girl. Why not? Why not? I lost 6-1, 6-1. It will be
very hard for me tonight. I’m ready to lose, you know.

Q. Who is the girl watching your match with your uncle?

RG: Not my girl. I don’t know. Not my girl, for sure. No, no, no, I
have just friends. Men friends, but I’m not gay.

You know the uncle they are talking about right? Oui Monsieur Lagadere and the “girlfriend” ain’t his wife. And why is “uncle” in Shanghai, China watching Gasquet play. Ain’t he got something to telecommunicate in France? Well anyway who should show up today in 2011 at the French Open to watch his “nephew” play but the one and only Papa Lagadere and a new “girlfriend.” You know I have the pictures to prove it right.

"Uncle" and "girlfriend"

LOL. Yeah right! SHAM WOW! This is no real French Kiss. Here is "uncle" making out with "girlfriend." However, I want to point you to the "girlfriend" in particular her head. Ain't that a hot mess? Now you hanging around this Daddy Warbucks and you come to this public event making out in the stands looking like this. That hair piece says one thing to me "Hooker Hair"

But anyway enough with the chatter, time for some real tennis action. (pictures)

So while we are already on the subject of being gay on tour, we might as well stick with the theme. Things got on the way with Mr. Federer and newly crowned hottie of RTFN, Maxime Teixeira. Now as much as we love the eye candy, it is always “bros before whores” so you know I was backing Mr. Federer. Mr. Federer was absolutely brilliant on court today; freely swinging on his shots and serving excellently like Alfred, Batman’s man servant. He was broken once in the 1st set after getting a tittie attack over a line call but he then reeled off 13 straight games before Teixeira was able to win another. Mr. Federer won in straight sets 6-3 6-0 6-2. Now before I go on, I just want to say that as of late Mr. Federer has been carrying on with some rather uncharacteristic court antics. Vintage Mr. Federer was always cool as a polar bear in the Arctic but as late, he is as testy as testicles getting all riled up over the slightest disturbance on court. Then he goes into the press conference all bitching and moaning. ENOUGH Roger! Get your sh*t together and focus on your game.

Stop acting up and get your act together!

On we go. As if things are not already going D’Joker’s way; his 2nd round opponent pulled out in the 3rd set of the match. Not that it mattered for D’Joker was in full control of the match. Beetlejuice showed once again why he has yet to come close to winning a major. After comfortably winning the first set, his brains took a walkabout and he lost the second but he was able to win it in 4 sets. I guess I should not be complaining because usually at this stage in a major, he would have already played two 5-setters.

Now that you are the heir apparent, I hope you be getting your style ranking up because that shirt just scream 80's horror.

In other action, Tsonga (17), quickly took charge of his match and was through to the 3rd round in straight sets. In similar fashion were Fiery Ferrer (6), Mikhail Youzhny (12), Thomaz Bellucci (25), Beast Boy (26) and Janko Tipsarevic (32) who will next face Mr. Federer in the 3rd round (tricky match for Mr. Federer). Richard Gasquet (16) and Stanislav Wawrinka (14) also went through but they needed 4 sets to get it done.

Tipsarevic will be a handful or should I say an armful for Mr. Federer next round

Well enough about the menz to the ladies: World number one Danish Biscuit (Caroline Wozniacki) took on Canadian Bacon (Alexandra Wozniak). This was plated as a possible tough 2nd round match as CB has shown in the past that she can hang with the big gurls being that she herself is…well use to be a big girl.

Canadian Bacon aka Cookie Monster's lil my my, someone has been in the cookie jars

Nevertheless, in the battle of international foods, the caloric scale made the difference. Lean thin biscuit showed her filling and easily took the first set. CB tried to lay it on thick in the 2nd set but the grease slowed her down and so in the end, Danish biscuit is through to the 3rd round 6-3 7-6. Now the Dane is hungry for her first major win and wishes to avoid the same fate that has been for former number ones Fivehead and Dinada Safina, both who reached the top of the ranking but rolled down and almost out into obscurity. So watch out for the Biscuit, this could be the major where she does not crumble to pieces.

I have to say that last year, D’Stove and Francesco Schiabone made it to the French Open finals and everyone was surprise including present company. This year, thus far at the French Open, both ladies have shown prodigious clay court prowess crushing their opponents. As a matter of fact, they both look the best so far and with neither Cheating Justine Henin nor the Serenanator playing, they are free to be their boyish selves. Speaking of menly women, Boynetsova, 2009 Champion, is also looking very impressive with a 6-1 6-1 victory. Julia Goerges almost saw her lights out in Paris when Lady Gollum (Lucie Safarova aka Mrs. Tomas Berdych) was up 6-2 5-2. However, Lady Gollum like her man, Lurch, choked big time on court and lost the 11 of 13 games. American Bethanie Mattek-Sands, playing some consistently good matches as of late, is also through when she took out her countrywoman Varvara Lepchenko. Fivehead, Daniela Hantuchova and Gisela Dulko are also in the 3rd round.

WTA (Waterworks Tennis Association)

What would it be if the WTA did not have some Waterworks? Vera Zvonavera  almost went Au revoir when she was staring at a possiblev4-6 2-6 lost to German Sabine Lisicki. To make matters even more interesting, the Russian faulted on her first serve. Well anyway, she saved match point and reeled off 5 straight games to win the second set 7-5. However, the German was still fighting but in the end, the wasted opportunities for Lisicki made her sick. She began to “cramp” and eventually lost the match 6-4 5-7 5-7. Lisicki was inconsolable on the court, bawling and howling to the point that she had to be removed by stretcher.

Thanks for choking

I'm goin' down... I'm goin' down.. Cause my tennis game ain't around..My whole world's coming down

And she is down for the count

Hmmm, ladies get it together. There should be no crying in professional tennis. That’s all I am saying. Save that sh*t for the juniors and seniors’ tour.


Thomaz Bellucci, all I am gonna say on this matter "tall and Brazilian" nuff said

Fabio Fognini of Italy is fogging up the glass for sure

Julia Goerges...don't believe she is shy

Hmmm hmmm


You know I had to pour out the Beetlejuice At least he got his hair right

Starring in the upcoming movie "Mandusa" This horror film has not yet been rated but we anticipate that the rating would be NAFVA9PMAHM (Not Advisable For Viewing After 9pm Heavy meals) Disclaimer: View at your own risk. Not liable for any visual impairment resulting from prolong viewing. (I think I might have crossed an invisible line here)


Shark Boy Stepanek. Throw it back in the sea! Throw it back

WTF is up with his mouth? He brushes his with dirt with clay? Is Gollum his dentist?

Gollum DDS will see you now monsieur


Thought I'd start out with something or someone cute since people think I have no heart

WTF! Who switched out the Grey Goose for water? I am about to get lethal up in here!

Seriously man...put that chop stick away. You are embarrassing yourself

Now here are biceps worth talking about

Is that a headband or a bandage? I am not sure.

Just cold... pure and simply cold

Is that visible breasts I see on the Schiabone....someone has been taking their estrogen pills.

My my my, what big feet you have

Gurl, WTF? Its like a Red Lobster and Long John Silver up in here

My breasts are bigger than yours!


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