Realz

French Open 2011 Days 6 et 7

In Agnes Radwanska, Andrea Petkovic, Andy Murray, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, Fernando Verdasco, Francesca Schiavone, French Open, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Li Na, Mardy Fish, Maria Sharapova, Mikhail Youzhny, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Sports Blog, Stanislav Wawrinka, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tennis, Uncategorized, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka on May 29, 2011 at 3:39 am

It seems like I am way behind but hopefully by the end of today…well tonight, I could be all caught up with the action to put you in full effect front and center with the French Open because it is shaping up to be a very very very interesting championships. I do not have live access on my television anymore so do not be surprise if I show up at your homes to watch the finalz. Anyway, I want to dive right into the action but before I go on, I think it pertinent that I give you some gossip that I owe you. Gossip is such a bad word. I recently heard someone said that it is “the lowest form of discourse” so I am going to have to change the name. From henceforth here on RFTN, gossip will be known as “keeping up with the current newz.” Anyway, remember I told you couple of posts ago that I was going to investigate about why it is that Jarmila Gajdošová (Gidosova) (currently 24) was no longer Jarmila Groth, as in not married to Samuel Groth? She was born in the Czech Republic “the foreign name”.

The once happy couple Jarmila and Sam Groth (She got some real square shoulders. I had to say it. You can buckets of water on them)

Anyway, they got married in February 2009 and were an all right looking couple. They played World Team Tennis together and it was a fun and interesting tidbit to know that there was a husband/wife couple on the tour. I mean it was not like they were some sorta power couple in tennis. They were merely “a couple” in tennis. Anyway, some time ago, there was some on court drama between the two. Like common folks, earlier this year, they had a spat on court in view of the public and cameras. Mrs. Groth was overheard saying to Mr. Groth, “Are you watching this?… Don’t talk to me like a fcuking tourist.” Well in April gone, she dumped the dead weight and had a few things to say of the matter on her Twitter account because apparently people got to gossiping about her. Can you imagine the gall of people? Anyway, and I quote (I interject for clarification when I felt necessary) “To people who say bad things about me (Haters! You motherfcukers will always hate especially when I’m shining): I didn’t need get married to become Aussie citizen-check the facts!! and check the law!!! (People do not get married to become a citizen of a penal colony. They do so to become a citizen of the penile colony) I didn’t need place to stay I lived happily in Sydney with friends and house! and had money to live on my own was making more than enough! (In other words, Sam is as broke as joke. He was not my sugar daddy more like my salt daddy. A woman can never be broke.) My parents didn’t come to my wedding because they are scared of flying and they wouldn’t make it all the way to Australia! (Ehhh couldn’t the wedding go there instead of Australia. I’m just saying. But this is not about me. It’s about you..go ahead) If you have something bad to say, say to me and don’t say things you don’t know about or just making rumours! (I wish one of you motherfcukers would. Cause I would be serving up some whoop@$$. But anyway I am lady and as I heard recently, “gossip is so ignoble especially in the less fortunate.”) I got married because I loved Sam and did it from my heart not because I am from poor country or I need it him for passport! (He has a big dingo and we were doing it like kangaroo jack. I did not want to be seen as a whore because I am a nice Christian girl) Thank you all for your support and birthday wishes!! Its very nice and thoughtful of you and makes me very happy! Its hard time but will be ok (So haters fcuk off!).

Anyway let us get to the results. If I was not at home weaken by the effects of severe allergies and therefore got able to watch Day 6 action, I would have thought the events that unfold were next to impossible. After showering several top women with praise in the past few postings and speaking of their possibly winning an elusive French Open title, they came out on Friday and showed me why the WTA can be a source of heartache and headache. Do not think that I am chauvinistic in the least. It is just that I hope for the WTA to be a competitive brand and to see quality and passionate tennis from the women. I am almost sick of watching matches being determined by who is less bad and wondering who is going to crack first and cry on court. I am looking for the WTA to be more like this: 

Gisela Dulko of Argentine, who is no stranger to upsets, took out Sam “D’Stove” Stosur who had been playing top quality tennis in the first two rounds. I myself said that she was on her way to winning the title that she threw away last year but clearly she was gonna try to make me look bad. However, that D’Stove won 4 games in the first set against Dulko was due purely to Dulko’s errors. Dulko was well on her way to win the set 6-1. I could not believe it that D’Stove with her Kenmore built was allowing herself to be bad beaten on court by a girl who I swear is no bigger than a hot plate. Anyway D’Stove turned up the heat and won the second 6-1 but in the 3rd…oh in the third, utter madness from the Australian. D’Stove was cooking it up but she most certainly could not serve it up at all. D’Stove has one of the best serve in women’s game behind the Williams Sisters; the pop and placement of that thing can give any and everyone trouble. Yet against Dulko in their 3rd round match, she was like a clerk at the DMV, the personification of bad service. D’Stove did not even put up a fight and timidly lost the third and decisive set 3-6.

Yeah, that stove needs some repair

As if that was not bad enough, Daniela Hantuchova was taking on the number 1 seed, Danish Biscuit, the smell of upset was in the air. Now, I had warned at the beginning of these championships that I felt that the Biscuit was overbaking herself by playing so many tournaments and the danger this posed for her as she can never get to the crucial tail end of the majors. Again I am proven prophetic. Now Hantuchova, though ranked 29 in the world is not a real easy-breezy player but she is not the most consistent on tour. Nonetheless, she is much beloved here at RTFN as she simply exudes class, charm and femininity on court; think of blond Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina if she were a major tennis player and not a model. Daniela Hephurnova can hang with the best ladies at time. No one predicted an upset but from onset of the match, Hephurnova was beating the Dane as if she were a Sea Biscuit and not a Danish one. It was textbook perfect tennis. Daniela was absolutely amazing and aggressive from the baseline with every variety. There was never a waver in her spirits and she kept her composure. It was a beautiful thing to watch but soon over as the Slovak took the match 6-1 6-3. I was extremely happy for Daniela because I always wish her the best once it is not at the expense of my favourites. She is on my list of “Those I wish to win a major.”

Why am I wearing this hideous dress

Another pre-tournament favourite who went out was Julia Goerges of Germany and she went out to Marian Bartoli aka La Petite Grosse aka the lil sister of Gloria the Hippo from the film Madagascar. Anyway La Petite Grosse is a dangerous floater, a very dangerous floater. She can beat the best of them and she loves to scalp ie, beating the top seeds and then going out to some nobody. Anyone who has ever seen Bartoli play tennis would immediately think “WTMFF is she doing out on court?” Everything about her is unorthodox to the nth degree. She jumps, runs, swings screams and play tennis even though she is not playing. It is the most bizarre of scenes and I am sure quite distracting for less focused players.

Mlle Grosse fashions herself, she said after Monica Seles.

However,  in my humble opinion, whilst comparing Seles to Bartoli, the only imaginary that conjures up in my mind is Superman vs. Bizarro

ie they both hit really hard but they look and act nothing alike. Anyway La Petite Grosse, do not sleep on her at all. With so many top players going out thus far, she might just sneak in for her maiden major win.

In other wins Boynetsova was impressive as ever against some Frenchwoman who she dismantled 6-0 6-4 and Schiabone too is looking impressive in her victory. Zvonereva, Fivehead as well as Pavlyuchenkova who took out another multi syllabic last name player all went through to the Round of 16.

Boynetsova aka Jurassic Park is still lurking out there

On Day 7, for the ladies, nothing major happened as all the winners played in stellar form and could all potentially win this title seeing that it is a wide wide open draw. Azarenka, one of my personal favourite was looking particularly impressive as did Na Li/Li Na. These two are on a collision course for the quarters, which is a pity as I rather like them both to win here in Paris. Two up and coming players Petra Kvitova and Andrea Petrokovic also were winners as was another youngster Agnes Radwanska who took out Yanina Wickmakyer, 2009 US Open semifinalist. A trio of Russians rounded out the ladies for the Round of 16 as Maria Kirilenko, Shriekapova and Makarova all won their matches in rather comfortable fashion. I have to point out that Kirilenko totally massacred Rus who took out Mommie Dearest; 6-1 6-1. The press is well behind Shriekapova to win her first French and resurge a very dead campaign to market the WTA without the Williams Sisters. However, I doubt Shriekapova’s tennis will the source of that campaign. She had a rather unimpressive opponent in the 3rd round and though she won in straight sets, was committing silly errors. I know when Maria faces a more seasoned and consistent player, she will be saying sadly “Au revoir Paris” and I will be saying with glee, “Bon débarras!” Good riddance.

The last of the Americans were gone today. Vania King aka Saw saw the end of her franchise

I guess I should mention that at this point in the tournament, the Round of 16s, there are no American men or women in the draw and this seems to be some cause for alarm in the press. I mean we are talking about the French Open right? Okay just checking. I am not surprised in the least plus neither Venus nor Serena are playing and either one of them is usually good to carry the US flag at major tournaments.

So for Round of 16 we have
Pavlyuchenkova vs. Zvonareva: I think either can win though Pav is a big gurl and hits really hards
La Petite Grosse vs. Gisela Dulko: La Petite will eat the tiny Dulko like a donut
Schiabone vs. Fivehead: I can’t stand Fivehead so unfortunately I will back Schiabone
Boynetsova vs. Hepburnova: I favor Hephurnova but Boynetsova has been playing great tennis here so far
Shriekapova vs Radwanska: I pray Radwanska if she doesn’t cry on court
Na Li vs. Kvitova: I pick Na Li though Kvitova is a tough customer
Petkovic vs. Kirilenko: Either one could win but I think Petkovic will pull through
Azarenka vs. Makarova: Azarenka all the way for me.

To the MENZ

On Day 6, things got under way with Mr. Federer playing Serbian Janko Tipsarevic. For those who do not remember, several years ago, the Serb had the Swiss squarely in his jaws at the Australian Open but was unable to sink his teeth in the jugular and thus Mr. Federer lived to tell the tale of how he almost got caught by the Serb. Anyway Mr. Federer was not wasting time and dispatched of him in straight sets 6-1 6-4 6-3. I am particularly pleased with Mr. Federer’s serve. He has a really nice serving rhythm this tournament and even when he is broken, he soon breaks back. At this point, he Fiery Ferrer and Lochness Monster are the only men I think who has yet to drop a set.

Mr. Federer back in graceful form

And speaking of the Fiery Ferrer, he was on fire as usual as he dealt with his opponent as if he were in practice with tremendous ease. I really like the Spaniard but I must confess that his temperament is too even keel for my liking plus his diminutive stature make it almost improbable for him to win a major in this current tennis land of the giants. At this current stage in men’s tennis, if one wants to win a major, he MUST be at least 6’ tall (I will go as far as to say at the least 6’1”), muscular build and when I say muscular I mean one must be able to see the muscles not assume that they are there because they lay hidden by fat and he must have a weapon; a go to shot that wins him free and easy points, plus the pre-requisite mental determination and that dogged belief that he belongs in the upper echelon. Fiery Ferrer got the muscles but I am afraid he lack in the other department. It is unfortunate because in an earlier era, Fiery Ferrer would have been a legend.

Fiery Ferrer was on fire

Anyway Albert Montanes of Spain took out Mikhail Youzhny (12) in straight sets. Montanes will face Italian Fabio Fognini. Now ordinarily I would not care about this result but I highlight it because last year, the Russian was the first to take a set off Divadal at the US Open and had beaten the Spaniard in New York couple of years prior. However, what is most infuriating about the Russian is that he has tremendous talent but like nearly all Russians, the suffer Chernobyl disaster on court. He is just another waste on tour. He lost in straight sets to Montanes who hardly ever creates a bleep on the ATP radar. I mean come on now comrade. I swear the Russians on tour are reenacting the Cold War all over again. You keep hearing about them; that they are big, bad and scary but in the end, nothing if anything ever really happened expect the source material for tons of movies and books. (BTW, you should check out Salt with Angelina Jolie, like Mr and Mrs Smith, it is my new guilty pleasure movie)

Bellucci was lost in space and time while on court against Richard Gasquet

Anyway a trio of Frenchmen played and all but my favourite made it into the Round of 16. Beetlejuice finally showed up and won a match in straight sets. I was awfully proud of him because I did not think he had it in him to do so in the early part of a major. Anyway, his countryman Richard Gasquet or should I say, the French twinkie though he favours more of a French croissant if you ask me….well I expected him to have a tough time again Thomaz Bellucci of Brazil but he had a relatively easy time though he lost a set. Bellucci it seemed was a bit overwrought for the match up and could not muster the game to compete with Gasquet and that so so so pretty backhand. And speaking of pretty backside…no wait we were speaking of backhands…well anyway…speaking of pretty, Baby Ali was facing Swiss Sloth Stanislav Wawrinka for a spot in the Round of 16 to face Mr. Federer. Baby Ali came out like a prize fighter breaking the Swiss Sumo Wrestler in the opening game. Baby Ali continued by taking the first two sets 6-4 7-6 and was a break up in the 3rd set; his victory seemed certain. However, Wawrinka was patient and seized the chance when Frenchman faltered and with his big self, Wawrinka was all over it like a bacon cheese hamburger. The Frenchman tried to give it his all in a final push in the 3rd set tiebreaker but again made costly errors, which handed the set to the Swiss and in essence the entire match. Baby Ali Tsonga was never the same. He lost the match in 5 sets. This was a most crushing lost for him as he was finally healthy to play the French at his version of 100% and yet he was unable to advance. Better luck next time.

Hmmmmm How did I let this one slip away?

To round out the Day’s action a heavy-billed match was set between D’Joker and Beast Boy; the battle of the two non-Mr. Federer/Divadal major winners. Interestingly enough, Beast Boy won his by beating the two at the same major whereas D’Joker only had to beat Mr. Federer, someone else took care of Divadal for him. Anyway, the match was a sort of let down because it was suspended because of darkness. Nonetheless, despite it stopping at a set a piece, I was surprised that Beast Boy was showing me nothing spectacular that could really hurt the D’Joker and I really hate to say this but I cannot think of a way to beat the D’Juggernaut. He really seems unbeatable.

Beast Boy vs D'Joker aka the Spoilers

On Day 7, the real Divadal showed up on court for his 3rd round match as he vanquished Antonio Veic 6-1 6-3 6-0. This was the Divadal on clay we are use to but alas I fear that this might be a flash in the pan. However, he got to play his game and showed up why he is the undisputed King of the Clay.

Hold this! Hold this! I say to hold this while I go bad beat a mofo up in here! (Excuse Divadal, what's that white business on your shirt above your @$$ all about? Do you really think you need to draw more attention to that behind?)

Lochness Monster also had an easy time with his match also in straight sets but he rolled his ankle during the 3rd set if I am not mistaken but got through it somehow. In other easy victories, Ivan Ljubicic destroyed out Fernando “Tabasco Verdasco” who is having a terrible clay court season and Gilles Simon took American Mardy Fish who took a page from his countryman Mr. Brooklyn Decker and became incensed on court over some seemingly inconsequential matter. He got a warning for racquet abuse and was arguing with the umpire that he did not break it. Mr. Fish, all of a sudden, you in the skinny bitch club and you trying to act like you a D-I-V-A. Former fat gurl, why don’t you relax yourself before you get hurt? We were not going to beat Simon in that match. Anyway, in a continuation of the unfinished match between D’Joker and Beast Boy, D’Joker wasted no time in sending home the Argentine, winning the match in 4 sets. Also winning in 4 sets was Victor Troicki of Serbia and Juan Ignacio Chela of Argentina. In an interesting bit of the tournament, Alejandro Falla who earned fame last year for almost dispatching Mr. Federer in the 1st round of Wimbledon made his way to the round of 16. Mr. Falla is a qualifier which means that prior to Sunday’s start, he had to play 3 best of 3 sets matches just to get into the main draw, which means he has played like 6 matches at the French Open already. I am not sure he can physically withstand much more at the Open.

Falla on a fairy tale run at the French Open

Round of 16
Mr. Federer vs. Swiss Sloth
: Undoubtedly Mr. Federer
D’Joker vs. Gasquet: He doesn’t have the gas to take on the D’Joker
Fiery Ferrer vs Monfils: If Monfils can hold it together, he will win because he has bigger weapons but I like Ferrer’s chances
Fognini vs Montanes (HUH??) Either one can win it for me. I mean they are unexpected at this stage and they are equally matched in low skill set.
Divadal vs. Ljubicic: Tough match up as the Croat has beaten Divadal in the past but I doubt he can take out the Divadal.
Lochness Monster vs. Troicki: Tough match up again and either one can win it. LM is not known to go far at the French Open, so it might help the Serb depending on LM’s mood of the day.
Robin Hood vs. Gilles Simon: If the real Robin Hood shows up then it is his match without much of a fight.
ChinChela vs Falla: I think ChinChela will win because Falla is too tired to give it a real tough fight.  

BIG PICTURE SHOW
Hotties

Maria Kirilenko is swizzling albeit a bit sweaty too in pink

Daniela Hepburnova

The resemblance is uncanny

Shake your tail feather (Azarenka)

I don't know who he is exactly but I saw him at the French Open and I was "How you doing?"

Notties

Even I can't stand to look at my own feet...I mean hoof

Patty Schynder called a press conference to say she is retiring from tennis

Unfortunately, she did not call the people from Pantene ProV first before going out with her hot mess hair again

Where is Batman to deal with Two Face??

 

 

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  1. Is two face a man or a woman? My first instinct is a man but looking at the eyelashes and hair accessories I suspect a female.

    And look, beetlejuice has some serious hair issues (did he get relaxer in his hair or just hot comb it in the picture where he gas straight hair?) but his body is SICK!!! I will give him a whirl, a twirl, a pirouette, and a jete for some alone time with his heavenly body : )

    Hate on me but I stand by that statement!

    • That is Dolgopolov aka the Boy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy. And that hair accessory, he is spokesperson if you please. As for Beetlejuice, I think he is going au naturel which I am applauding because that hot mess crap he had in his hair ending of last season was ghastly. You can do whatever you want with him and his “SICK” body but I assure you that you will be ill being up close and alone with him.

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