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Ohimè! Morir mi sento! (The brown man has taken out the Federer Express)

In Bernard Tomic, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Wimbledon on June 29, 2011 at 12:09 pm

As if business has imitated sports or the sport of tennis has imitated business, UPS took over Federal Express and the Federer Express was stop short by the man in brown or the brown man, Jo Wilfred Tsonga.

He came on late but he came on strong

Mr. Federer….Mr. Federer… you have slayed me this day. You had a two-set lead and blew it to Baby Ali. 6-3 7-6 4-6 4-6 4-6. How could you? How could you do this to me in my very fragile state. For the first time in your career you threw away a two set lead. I knew Baby Ali was going to fight but you only broke him ONCE through out the entire match.

Frustrated Federer!

However, all credit to Baby Ali. You know we absolutely adore you. We absolutely adore you and your brother too (who I spied on this morning on television and thought WOW, lightening does strike twice in the same spot). It is said that the race is not for the swift but for the ever enduring and today that was proven to be the case. Mr. Federer, though he started out this tournament in a blaze of glory, he crashes out in a pile of ashes. He will be hard press to explain his lost but I know I am blaming Paul Annacone as part of the problem. FIRE the FCUKER already Mr. Federer.

Yeah you have nothing to say to Mr. Federer do you. You are the world's worst coach

Meanwhile, D’Joker Harlequeen did not have that easy match as I predicted but he won nonetheless in 4 tough sets. 6-2 3-6 6-3 7-5. He was almost pushed to 5 sets but alas Tomic did not have much left to give. He had an early break in the 3rd set but D’Joker made easy work of it taking 5 straight games to win the set and eventually wore him down to take the match.Congrats to Tomic and D’Joker moves on to another Wimbledon semis

D'Joker and Tomic

 

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Wimbledon 2011: Update

In Andy Murray, Bernard Tomic, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Mardy Fish, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sabine Lisicki, Serena Williams, Tsvetana Pironkova, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on June 29, 2011 at 8:13 am

Oh I have left you all out in the wilderness to be getting your tennis updates from unsavory sources. I am sincerely sorry. I have been exhausted for the past few days. Whenever I come home from work and I look at my computer, it is not what I want to deal with at the moment. For those of you who do not check the website, I did post something for the Round of 16 action and it was a hot day on Monday…a very very very hot day

It was a scorcher out there

My predictions and you know I was almost right on all accounts. I had noted for the Men’s action:

Mr. Federer, we hope you go all the way

  • Lochness Monster plays Richard Gasquet (This might be a tough match for Nessie) Nessie won of course in straight sets
  • Mr. Divadal against Beast Boy (HUGE MATCH either one can win) Mr. Divadal called out the trainer when things were not going his way to slow down Beasty momentum. Mr. Divadal won in 4 sets. 
  • D’Joker plays Michael Llodra (D’Joker) D’Joker was merely warming up on court against the Frenchman. Harlequeen won in straights. 
  • Mr. Federer plays Mikhail Youzhny (Mr. Federer of course) Mr. Federer lost the first set in a tiebreaker but cleaned up his game and took it in 4 sets. 
  • Mardy Fish former Whale takes on Lurch (I think Fish can make the upset) Fish did make the upset and in straight sets too. Lurch is going to tumble out of the rankings because he lost first round at the French having made the semis last year and he did not get to the finals of the Wimbeldon. 
  • Lukasz Kubot against FeFe (Interesting match up but I think FeFe might pull it off) Kubot was up 2 sets to love before he allowed FeFe to get his way back into the match. FeFe won in 5 sets.

Aussie Tomic...might as well get a glimpse of him now as you might not see him again

  • Bernard Tomic vs. XXX Man (Tomic is playing really good tennis plus XXX is too large) Tomic of course won. He will face D’Joker but he will be too tired. He has played 7 straight matches already but great for Aussie tennis and men’s tennis that this lil upstart is making some noise on the tour. 
  • Fiery Ferrer vs. Baby Ali (A toss up but I think Baby Ali might pull it off) Baby Ali did pull it off and in straight sets too. 

FeFe made it through

Nessie can you handle all of FeFe??

For the ladies, these were my pick,
  • The Serenanator takes on Gloria the Hippo (Serenanator of course) I was wrong about this because you know there is no shame in my game that I favour the Williams sisters. The Serenanator looked like an old model on court as the Hippo kept bouncing her around. Hippo went through to the quarters. 
  • Ebony Starr will play Pironkova (Oh Pironkova has her number but I think ES can put her in her place this time around) As if caught in a Groundhog Day nightmare, Ebony Starr was as dull as dishwater on court. She got smacked around again by this lil Bulgarian B(shut your mouth). Anyway, shame is that neither Pironkova or Fatrolli will make it to the semis, I think the other girls are far more talented.  
  • Danish Biscuit plays Cibulkova (Cibulkova because I think she wants it more) I got this one right as well Cibulkova stormed back and took it in 3 sets. 
  • Shriekapova vs Shuai Peng (Shriekapova will get this one more than likely. Peng has no power) Like a bat outta hell she dismissed Shuai Peng. Watch out for this Russian. 
  • Azarenka takes on Fatrova (Azarenka without a doubt) You know I got this right too. 
  • Sabine Lisicki plays Petra Cetkovska (Lisicki is just on a roll) This was a no contest. Lisicki took the match with ease. 
  • Yanina Wickmayer vs High Head Witch (Hmm I think Kvitova aka High Head Witch will get the win) High Head Witch was not even playing on court as opposed to casting her prodigious tennis spells around. 
  • Tamira Paszek plays Ksenia Pervak (Paszek I think) Paszek won too. 

Someone get her an asthma pump because grandma needs some air

So all in all I got like 14.5 out of 16. I say that is not bad at all.

Azarenka is my girl now

Anyway yesterday, the ladies played their quarterfinals match and true to form, neither Piranhakova and Fatrolli made it through to the semifinals. As a matter of fact, in their very first game, they were broken, something neither Williams’s sisters were able to do. As a matter of fact, I think their serves were broken almost at the wills of Head High Witch and Lisicki. Piranhakova and Fatrolli did manage to win the second sets in a tie breaker but they were dismantled in the third. It was an absolute waste of an upset they had. Anyway, I am backing Azarenka all the way. She took out her opponent late in the night as rain disrupted play once again. Shriekapova looked as though she is ready to claim another Wimbledon title. To be honest, she has been playing increasingly better as the year has gone on. She is most consistent and you know she is a fighter. She crushed Cibulkova on court allowing only two games for the Slovakian. It was most disheartening.

Jubliant Lisicki

So we are left with Shriekapova vs. Lisicki in one semis and Azarenka vs Kvitova. Unfortunately, I will not be back ing Shriekapova to go anywhere. I really want some young blood to win this title. Sorta tired of the old hens taking the title and the WTA really need some french new faces of champions. Also unfortunate is that Kvitova really looks like a witch…but she can do magic on court so I am not really hating. However, I really really like me some Azarenka and I will love for her to face Lisicki because I think she is also playing some really good tennis this fortnight.
Anyways as for the menz…Today they play their quarterfinals

I'm a take me a timeout...my footsie wootsie is hurting so "badly" God do not like ugly Mr. Divadal, he most certainly is against it and you my friend are HIDEOUS. You will soon get your comeuppance

  1. Well Mr. Federer will be facing Baby Ali (I give this one to Mr. Federer. Just too much variety and plus we at a major, Wimbledon to be exact. However, Baby Ali is not going out without a fight)
  2. Lochness Monster takes on FeFe (Well this is going to be very very interesting. I do not know how much longer FeFe can keep up his grass court game because he played 5 sets recently and Nessie is as fit as a fiddle. However, I think FeFe might just be dismissed. Although I have to say that Nessie has been under the radar and I think he is lacking real confidence. He has had a really bad year thus far.
  3. Mr. Divadal “after being cleared to play from his foot MRI” (just a load of utter fcukery) will play Mardy the Fish former whale. I will be foolish to bet against Mr. Divadal but I will love for Fish to make a big splash here. It’s just a wish. So Mr. Divadal will go through.
  4. D’Joker Harlequeen takes on Tomic and I swear it will be a massacre on court as the Serbian will complete obliterate the Australian. (An almost straight set rout for the D’Joker)

Will be an easy day at the office for this one today. He most certainly will have time to do his nails and a facial later on.

So I think you are all caught up to speed right now. Don’t forget to tune into tennis this weekend 9:00 a.m. Eastern time on both Saturday and Sunday on NBC.

Too bad we won't be seeing much of you around after today Baby Ali

Magnificent/Monster Monday at Wimbledon 2011

In Andy Murray, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Mardy Fish, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Tomas Berdych, Tsvetana Pironkova, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 27, 2011 at 7:52 am

Although Wimbledon does not play tennis on the first Sunday (Middle Sunday) like all other majors, this results in a very unique feature. One the second Monday, all remaining singles players have to play their Round of 16 matches. It is a jam packed schedule and RTF will be there (albeit in spirit) to give you complete and controversial coverage.

Can Mr. Federer reclaim his Wimbledon crown?

On the Men’s side..
Lochness Monster plays Richard Gasquet (This might be a tough match for Nessie)
Mr. Divadal against Beast Boy (HUGE MATCH either one can win)
D’Joker plays Michael Llodra (D’Joker)
Mr. Federer plays Mikhail Youzhny (Mr. Federer of course)
Mardy Fish former Whale takes on Lurch (I think Fish can make the upset)
Lukasz Kubot against FeFe (Interesting match up but I think FeFe might pull it off)
Bernard Tomic vs. XXX Man (Tomic is playing really good tennis plus XXX is too large)
Fiery Ferrer vs. Baby Ali (A toss up but I think Baby Ali might pull it off)

Can she make it a three-peat

On the Women’s side
The Serenanator takes on Gloria the Hippo (Serenanator of course)
Ebony Starr will play Pironkova (Oh Pironkova has her number but I think ES can put her in her place this time around)
Danish Biscuit plays Cibulkova (Cibulkova because I think she wants it more)
Shriekapova vs Shuai Peng (Shriekapova will get this one more than likely. Peng has no power)
Azarenka takes on Fatrova (Azarenka without a doubt)
Sabine Lisicki plays Petra Cetkovska (Lisicki is just on a roll)
Yanina Wickmayer vs High Head Witch (Hmm I think Kvitova aka High Head Witch will get the win)
Tamira Paszek plays Ksenia Pervak (Paszek I think)

Wimbledon 2011: Catching up on Saturday Day 6

In Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, Francesca Schiavone, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Lleyton Hewitt, Mardy Fish, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Wimbledon on June 26, 2011 at 6:37 am

Danish Biscuit took out the newly divorced Jarmila Gajdosova in straight sets 6-3 6-2. She is looking to be on form for her first major. However, I still think she is not ready yet for a major. She does not have that special something to make a difference over a two week tournament and there are other women on the tour with more experience and talent to contend with than she can handle. Nevertheless, she is still in the tournament so that means she has a shot at winning it. The Serenanator too, dispatched her opponent as Maria Kirilenko never had a chance during the entire match. I think she only had one break point opportunity which she could not even convert 6-3 6-2. The Serenanator is really playing herself into the championships. Maria Shriekapova also had an easy time against Czech Zakopolova 6-2 6-3.

The Serenanator is back

There were two ladies matches on the day that had some interesting antics on the court. Dominika Cibulkova was playing Julia Goerges of Germany. The ex-girlfriend of Beetlejuice (she claimed she was dycnotized) won the match in three sets. However, Goerges rounded out the umpire for mispronouncing her name calling her “Gorgeous” instead of “Gor-geez” She was trying to get all up in his grill but unfortunately it was she who was bbq as she lost 3-6 in the third. The other bit of court drama came from Gloria the Hippo who was playing Flavia Penne Pasta Pennetta. When Penne Pasta took the first set 7-5, Fatoli got really really upset and shouted for her father/coach who always sits in the players’ box by himself, to get out. That’s right, she tell the man to get out of the stadium and you know what he did? I would not have believed it if I did not see it for myself, he packed up his shite and left. WOW, had that been my parents, I would have been forwarding you this newzletter via facsimile from heaven LOL. Who am I kidding, you know I would be in hell where there’s internet. LOL. Anywho, it seemed to have worked because La petite grosse pulled off the win and is through to the round of 16.

Papa, you need to get up on outta here! Pack your shite and move the fcuk on NOW! (She what I mean. She always looks untidy)

Day 6 was not a good day for the Italians as Schiabone’s luck ran out. She has as of late been playing herself into a corner so to speak and thinking she got the stamina to play herself out of it. However, she came up the Austrian Tamira Paszek who was not having any of that and willing to play toe to toe with the bambino. Schiabone who served for the match was caught up in another marathon and her race was ran as she could not hold on. She lost the match 3-6 6-4 11-9. Perhaps next time around, she would look to deliver the death blow a lot earlier and stop toying with players as she’ll only end up getting played.

Francesco Schiabone, not the cutest ladyboy around. I swear her rib is sticking out more than her "pecs"

In other wins, Sabine Lisicki of Germany followed up her upset win with another win and moved into the Round of 16 as did Shuai Peng of China who now carries the flag for the Chinese. She took out Melinda Czink who had taken out Sam D’Stove Stosur in the first round. Ana Ivanovic lost early again against a relative no name in Petra Cetkovska. Since winning the French in 2008 and making it to the Aussie Open final earlier in the year, Ana has plained all 13 majors since and never progressed passed the 4th round and if I am not mistaken, she only got to the 4th round like three of those 10 majors. She is looking a lil skinny if you ask me and no doubt dealing with some mental issues with her seemingly inexplicable bad form. I think it is time we dubbed her Ivanovic the Terrible. Anyway, while on the subject of terrible play, it has just made it to my ears that Dinara Safina has taken an indefinite leave of absence from the tour. I am sorry to hear that. She is a really good player. No doubt injury and self doubt as well as rubbish talk from commenthaters all led to this decision. I wish her the best.

Ivana the Terrible

She is definitely looking a bit malnourished

She use to be a lot fuller like here

Regarding the menz, well Diviadal…I mean Mr. Divadal had to finish up his match against Gilles Muller and again it seemed as though he could not get pass the Luxembourger’s serve and they were locked in another tiebreak. Mr. Divadal pulled it out and quickly solved that problem as he did not drop another game and quickly raced to the 4th round 7-6 7-6 7-0. Mr. Divadal is really looking to start a streak here at Wimbledon, he is 17-0 here at Wimbledon, having last lost in the 2007 finals against Mr. Federer, bearing in mind that he did not play in 2009 as he was to embarrassed when he lost the French Open to Robin Hood Soderling. Do not believe that bullshit about him having knee issues. Whenever, Mr. Divadal is losing he calls injury. Of course he used that tactic against Muller calling the trainer on court. He did the same thing against Mr. Federer in the French Open final. Called out the trainer when Mr. Federer was up 5-2. I do not like that sort of play from Mr. Divadal, he is too old and experienced to be pulling those cheap stunts. It speaks rather ill of him.

I know you really telling me to kiss your @$$ but I have to say, your waist is not at your navel or near your throat okay. Pull that girdle down gurl.

Mr. Divadal was not the only player to have to finish up his match as Beast Boy finished off the Frenchman Gilles Simon and Lurch dusted off the American Alex Bogomolov Jr. Beetlejuice who was locked in a tight battle with the Pole Kubot lost in 4 sets. 3-6 6-3 6-3 6-3. Yet another underwhelming performance at a tournament for the French beast. I think Monfils should take up another sport because he is not really making much headways in tennis. And for heaven’s sake, get those bloody teeth fixed.

Beetlejuice went away...ahhhhh

Mr. Federer played a very tactical match against an old nemesis, David Nalbandian of Argentina. Nalbandian at one point owned Mr. Federer but has struggled as of late to get past the Swiss Master. Mr. Federer is looking impeccable so far and his serve is really holding up. He dealt with the Argentine in straight sets. D’Joker Harlequeen was having a tough time with Marcos Fatdatis and almost ended up in a 5 setter but he dealt with the chubby cubster in 4 sets. Fadatis is a really good player and he has made it to the semifinals of Wimbledon in the past but that was the past when he could see past his waistline. Nevertheless, though the pundits want to make this Wimbledon a Mr. Divadal/Mr. Federer affair, I would not sleep on Harlequeen. He is being very stingy went it comes to losing points and he is determined to win matches at any cost. I give him a chance to win the title but you know I will never back him over Mr. Federer.

D'Joker Harlequeen is willing to work you over on court for the win

And does he ever work it out on court. Look at the accessories

Meanwhile his so called girlfriend up in the stands looking like some air hostess. Sweety, you just a beard and you trying way too hard. Why don't you go do something useless like get us some peanuts and a stiff drink because that scarf is simply giving me a headache.

Anyway Hood got the Aussie beatdown that Dingo Dog Hewitt was unable to do in the previous round. Apparently hampered by the long arduous match against Hewitt, Hood Soderling came out very very flat against Australia’s Bernard Tomic. Tomic, a qualifier had to play three rounds of qualifying before he got into the main draw so he has played a lot of tennis. He dispatched the Swede as though he were the one ranked 5 in the world and not 158. Hood in his defense was not 100% and had the trainer out to assist but in the end he could not get it up to get over the Aussie.

Well pardon me Sir... hmmm

OOOKAY...Who gives a shit if you lose but look at those abs...Not gonna hate! I am jealous.

In other wins, Fiery Ferrer is still bringing as he took out Karl Beck in straight sets. Jurgen Melzer, the 11th seed is out when he lost to Xavier Malisse aka XXX-Man.

Jurgen Melzer is always having a meltdown on court.

Mardy Fish former whale is the lone American man as he made to the Round of 16 when Robin Hasse retired. Michael Llodra of France took out Yen-Hsun Lu in straight sets and Mikhail Youzhny defeated Spain’s Nicolas Almagro. So you are all caught up in the affairs and set for this MAGNIFICENT/MONSTER MONDAY at Wimbledon when all the remaining players are on court for the Round of 16.

Mardy Fish former Whale is definitely not floundering on the grass this year

Mama Williams...well it's Mama Price... We stealing from movie sets now? You need to give back the Wiz their wig and Harry Potter needs his glasses. He can't see without them....get it together m'am.

I mean come on now. You really insisting on coming outside looking like this here? It's not okay. Definitely not okay.

Beast Boy....he needs to be sheered

That's right you can do it... don't forget to point your toes

Up up up

It's a flying Beetlejuice

Oh Maria! I know we are always hating on you

That's right you have to give it some air. Don't want a thunder cyat on our hands do we.

But we are not going to hate... your man is goodlooking

Gurl...maybe it is time you start doing it from a different position. Cause dropping to your knees all the time is no good for your health anymore

Wetter Wimbledon 2011: Day 5

In Andrea Petkovic, Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, David Ferrer, Francesca Schiavone, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Tsvetana Pironkova, Venus Williams, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 25, 2011 at 6:19 am

Day 5 again brought the rain and play was again halted and eventually suspended. Nonetheless there was action on the courts and much of it was magnificent indeed. For the ladies, Victoria Azarenka was sloppy in her win over Daniela Hantuchova who had seemed poised to do well here as she had good results in the very short grass court season prior to the start of Wimbledon. However, we all know she is a big ole flop and never worth betting on. Maria Shriekapova had another local favourite challenger in the form of Laura Robson of Great Britain who seemed on her way to an upset as she raced to a 4-1 lead in the first set but again she faltered and was sent packing as the Russian Banshee won in straight sets.

That's not a relax look on Shriekapova's face. She's clueless as she is about to play up at net. She's not even watching the ball.

Ebony Starr Williams was twinkling in her match against Spain’s Maria Jose Martinez-Sanchez. Ebony Starr came out blistering as she surrendered only 2 games 6-0 6-2. However, she next faces Tsetvana Pironkova who has twice knocked her out of a major including last year’s Wimbledon. Pironkova ranked in the top 30’s is a mostly C level player but ever so often she can come up with some brilliant and bothersome tennis. She is left handed so she can give you a lot of junk ball. She already dismantled the #2 seed in Vera Zvonereva in straight sets 6-2 6-3. Vera is going to lose all those points she won last year having made it to the finals.

Ebony, how about we put this outfit in a fitted plastic bag and never let it out again?

I am sorry this thing is just atrocious. It's an old lady's pant suit. You know it is made of lace right. I mean it looks like someone cut up a bloody tablecloth and sewn together by animals a la Cinderella.

Meanwhile Danish Biscuit, raced to the 3rd round as her match was delayed due to rain and Marion Bartoli aka Gloria the Hippo aka La Petite Grosse and I am also liking Fatoli or even Fatrolli or BarTROLLi (I am really sorry I am not really trying to be very mean but every time I look at Bartoli she just never give me the sense she washes up)…I think that is too much even for the Hippo to carry. Anyway, the point of me mentioning her is that she won her 2nd round match. She took out Dominguez of Spain in 3 sets. Gloria is a big gurl and she is a hard worker. So she might be making some noise in London. Let’s not forget that she made it to the finals in 2007 knocking out…demolishing the then in great form Justine Cheating Henin. However, she met Ebony Starr Williams in the finals and well ES won her 4th Wimbledon crown.

Well slap me silly and call me Suzie, here is Gloria looking all cleaned up! Well I am going to say it, you look very nice indeed. You could have chosen a different dress to bring out the girls a bit more but I understand your effort to be modest.

Yanina Wickmayer of Belgium is trying to carry the flag for her country as Mommie Dearest was forced to pull out of Wimbledon with ankle injury. So Yanina who I swears looks more like a Yannick took out another androgynous being in the like of Svetlana Kuznetsova aka Boynetsova aka Kuzi-Rex…I rather like Kuzi-Rex.

Tell me she doesn't look like a dinosaur? Kuzi-Rex

Andrea Petkovic another ladyboy, lost which can be seen as somewhat of an upset. She is one of those young guns who everyone predicts can win a major soon or at least contend. I, on the other hand, just find her bloody annoying especially with that stupid dance she does when she wins a match. I am always happy when someone takes her out so as I do not have to see her moving around on court like some goobling turkey. She lost in straight sets to another up and coming Russian Ksenia Pervak or something like that. Never heard of her before but I guess I have now. Anyhow, quietly moving through the draw is another Russian, Nadia Fatrova. She can be problematic when she wants to but mostly she loses when the stakes are high. I think that is about it for the ladies….Oh yeah… Schiabone was locked in a battle against Austrian Tamira Paszek. It seems that it is not a major unless Schiabone finds herself in some long arduous match. Apparently she forgets that she is old. She does have this ability to pull out a win in these matches, which fuels her for the rest of the tournament and she is slowly making herself a name to contend with at majors. However, I think this luck will soon run out because I really hate to hear her make those ridiculous grunting sounds on court as if she is suffering from TB; this weird wheezing rattling sound. Nonetheless, if it gets here through the point, let her do it.

By the way, there has been much talk about the “grunting” in tennis and I have a lot to say about it but not going to go into all that right now. However, I will say that I do not give a flying fcuk about what they are doing on court. They can grunt as long and hard as they want to. It really is not that serious. This whole new talk of talking about the “grunting in tennis” is rather sexist and ridiculous. The argument is largely skewed to one side; the women.

Men grunt all the time. Mr. Divadal, Harlequeen, Gustavo Kuerten etc. They are always grunting but whenever the talk of grunting comes up, they are always citing female players. It is rather ridiculous. Wimbledon is talking about banning grunting altogether. Let them try. I swear I will organize a boycott.

See, I did not want to go on about it just now but it really infuriates me every time I hear the topic come up for discussion. It is stupid. Humans always make noise/sounds whenever exerting great effort. I think part of the issue has to do with sex, not in terms of gender but in terms of intercourse. Notice whenever the topic of grunting comes up it is mostly men who are talking of banning it and they point to women especially ladies like Victoria Azarenka and Maria Shriekapova. The thing is that they are imagining sexual intercourse because it is during that activity that women make “these ridiculous” sounds (So I have heard and seen on television) The idea of women’s sexual liberation frightens most men. They hate to think that a woman is getting off without them. Hence why they really hate lesbians especially the Rosie O’Donnell kind and constantly say stupid shite like “Portia di Rossi just needs a stiff c….wait a minute, this blog has a mostly PG13 rating. Don’t want to step it up just now.) Notice that “straight” porn always has a lesbian scene and the sex is orchestrated by men for the enjoyment of men. The implication is always given that the “lesbians” are not munching on carpets or as my mama says “licking swallow plate” because they want to, it is because they are “made” to. There are never any gay male scenes in “straight porn” despite the fact that a lot allegedly straight men engage in some type of homosexual behavior (THEY DO) AND a lot of “gay porn stars” are in fact “straight” with wives and everything; gay for pay they call it….I always thought that you were a hooker when you are being paid for sex hmmm…(Meanwhile stupid fools like me, doing it for free) The ladies who are “grunting” are sounding very sexual indeed and they are being aggressive, take charge and getting it on. They are also very very stylish, in fashion and revered as sexual idols but they always in full control of their own “orgasms.” This is driving men and by that I mean “heterosexual men” crazy it seems. No one dares tell Lebron James to “shut the fcuk up” when he is on court. I heard one critic cite Roger Federer as being the example for players who do not “grunt.” First off Mr. Federer does make sounds on court and secondly, there is a lot of things Mr. Federer “does do” that others do not, par example, he does not sweat and his hair is never ever EVER out of place. It is almost as if he can command the winds. Anyway, I think I have said enough about the subject for now. All I want to say is let the women be. If it is wasting energy, it is their energy. If you find it annoying, either just deal or go home and watch the match on a muted television. I mean seriously, I swear some people really need to add more fiber or perhaps add laxative to their diet because they are back up and shit just flowing upwards to their mouths instead of out their @$$; verbal diarrhea. But then again, I really think there are people whose @$$holes are below their noses.

Fancy Free FeFe Lopez.

Anyway to the menz’s action on Day 5. Feliciano Lopez ex boyfriend of Mr. Divadal took out Mr. Brooklyn Decker in straight sets 7-6 7-6 7-4. It was a rather clean match between the two with a combination of 23 errors, Lopez only making 7 throughout the entire match. However, I think that is mostly because both players are big servers and win a lot of points on serve. Anyway, I have to say that I am thoroughly disappointed with Mr. Brooklyn Decker because I am sick and tired of seeing him bouncing out early at majors. Since his runner up at Wimbledon in 2009 (An absolutely epic match), he has played 7 majors and only made it past the 4th round once and that was only to the quarterfinals where he lost. Besides the French Open, Mr. Brooklyn Decker’s game is well suited for all the other surfaces and has made it to at least the semis to each of them on several occasions. His service is rock solid and yet he finds himself in tie breaks and losing the set. (He only won 4 points during the tie breaks in his lost to Lopez).

Another dejected Mr. Brooklyn Decker. There is something odd about this picture... Can someone tell me why?

I swear Andy is a jock of the worst kind. This is the same nonsense that happened to him last year at Wimbledon when he went out to Lu of Taiwan. When will he learn that he needs to be more aggressive on his return game. He can afford to take chances then especially since he is virtually guaranteed to hold his own serve. Andy when I say take chances, I do not mean to rush to net because we know how disastrous those efforts have been for you in the past. If you keep chipping away at your opponents’ game, eventually you will get that break, which is exactly what Lopez did to you. There were only 3 breaks of serves in the match, two of which were neutralized as they came in the 1st, there was none in the 2nd set and Lopez had the lone crucial break in the 3rd. I know I am always hating on Mr. Decker but you know I only hate judiciously and I really do think that he is far from being the model of mediocrity that he has lately taken up with being.

Rumour has it that Judy Murray, Mama Lochness Monster calls the Spaniard Deliciano Lopez; that ole cougar! But gurl, we ain't mad at you at all. You got taste but we are going to call him FeFe here okay. Deliciano sounds like a stripper name and well we are classy here in these parts and don't consort with strippers. Nevertheless, they say the proof is tasting and I am not going to lie, I would take me a bite of this any day.

There's the Cougar...Cougy Judy

Anyway, Lochness Monster had some issues with Ivan Ljubicic a dangerous floater from Croatia but pulled through in 4 sets. He was very much on the brink of going into a 5th set but pulled it out. In other wins, Bernard Tomic of Australia took out Igor Andreev, boyfriend of Maria Kirilenko in 5 sets. Tomic was down 2 sets to love and pulled it out. It should be noted that Tomic is a qualifier. Jurgen Melzer of Austria took out Dmitry Tursanov, the Russian American in 4 sets in a carried over match. I really do think Wimbledon have to figure out a way to deal with the rain delays because it is really hard especially on the men to have to play one match over several days and then come back the next day to play the next round. They have to play best of 5 sets. That’s really difficult on bodies and minds. Richard Gasquet took out Italian Simone Bolleli who saw his luck ran out.

Lochness Monster lurking out in the deep

Anyway, these were for the most part, the only matches completed as rain came pouring down. Lurch who was in full control of the match against American Alex Bogomolove Jr, saw his match delayed as did Mr. Divadal who had just won the first set in a tie break against Gilles Muller, the last person whose name is not Mr. Federer to beat him here. In 2005, lefty Muller handled Divadal in the 2nd round. Since then, however, Muller was been forgotten and Divadal has made it to the finals or better at Wimbledon. Beetlejuice is also locked in a battle with Lukas Kubot of Poland I think (too lazy to check…it’s either Poland or Czech Republic…I have to check…yeah, he is from Poland) Anyway, they are all tied at a set a piece, 3 games all deuce!. LOL I say they both have an equal chance of winning on Day 6. Anyway, that’s it for Day 5. I wanted to make a combination of Days 5 and 6 but it seems I really went on a tangent so I have to split them up I think.

Mrs. Lochness Monster, though slimmer than Mrs. Federer, I say Mirka got the fashion thing down better than this one. Where did she get this frock from and is that curtain drapes lace trimming? And seriously, you need to stuff that frock into that bag and stuff that into a garbage. You get a big E for Egregious!

Is that Ronald Weasley?? He looks really dirty. Tergeo! Should do the trick

She not serious right? I mean I understand wanting to hide that ridiculously ugly top looking like someone attacked her with a bouquet of flowers but she does she have a winter coat on in June?

Anyone care for a meal? A side of ham?

How about some sushi?

How about some dessert? A banana split with a cherry on top

I am almost choking myself as I clutch my "pearls" at how beyond common this is; just simply base level. I think the Indians call them "Untouchables" I am so happy they at least have the decency to hide their faces

AND JUST IN TIME FOR GAY PRIDE

Wurk it!

My My, I think we have a tranny on tour

Ladyboy

WOW you have a lot of cheek and nerves to be exposing your ballz like that

Ah young love.

My endless love

Ah sorry... there's no sex on the Center Court room okay.....Mr. Divadal fix your face. You're in mixed company

Wet Wimbledon 2011: Days 3 and 4

In Agnes Radwanska, Andrea Petkovic, Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, David Ferrer, David Nalbandian, Fernando Verdasco, Francesca Schiavone, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, John Isner, Li Na, Lleyton Hewitt, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Stanislav Wawrinka, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Tsvetana Pironkova, Venus Williams, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 24, 2011 at 8:22 am

Rain again disrupted play and all eyes was focused on Center Court as 5-time champion Venus Williams take on Kimiko Date-Krumm. They are two of the veterans on tour with the American just turned 31last Friday and Date-Krumm looking towards her 41st birthday.

The Senior ladies Tour??

The match was the only one being played as Center Court is the only court with a retractable roof. Now you have to understand that when there is a retractable roof, the game changes as you are no longer outdoor with the conditions of the weather to aid and/or annoy you but playing indoor in a stilled air, cavernous chamber. Venus came out very lackluster and soon found herself down 1-5. Date-Krumm was on fire. It seemed that she was ready for the upset.

Being stretched to the limit

Venus has never lost to anyone on Center Court but the Serenanator and it looked like Date-Krumm was going to change that. However, they don’t call her Ebony Starr for nothing as she reeled off 5 straight games to go up 6-5. She had set point on Date-Krumm’s serve but the Japanese was not having that and took it to a tie-break. Again it was the same story, DK was out 6-2 when the American came back and leveled it 6-6 but she will go on to lose the next two points and the first set. The crowd was buzzing as it seemed that the Grass Court Queen was going to go out to a granny.

Itch this is my house!!! You have Alzheimer's? Do you know who I am?

Venus kept her composure and soon the 2nd set and an early break in the 3rd set were in her hand. But we are talking about Venus here and no one loves to play tight rope tennis like the American, so you know she gave back the break. The match stayed on serve and soon it was 7-6 to the American. Being the true champion that she is, Venus decided enough was enough and broke DK for the victory 6-7 6-3 8-6. This was easily the best match of the tournament so far. I have to say that the quality of the match was really good and very entertaining all around.

Ebony Starr in she granny pants suit

So finally the rain let up and play began on the outer courts. Petra Kvitova aka “Grand High Witch” beat ever British hopeful Anne Keothavong in straight sets. Keothavong’s brother is also an ATP/WTA chair umpire. If you ever see an Asian looking guy with a British accent, that’s Anne’s big brother. Anyway, Zvonareva beat her sometimes doubles partner, Elena Vesnina in straight sets. However, she is not looking sharp at all for someone who has made it to last year’s final. Other winners include Andrea Petkovic, Agnes Radwanska, Sabine Lisicki, Julia Georges, Dominika Cibulkova (former gf of Beetlejuice…EHhhhhh I know), Victoria Azarenka, Daniela Huntochova and Tsetvana Pironkova who took out Venus last year in the quarters and could face her again in the Round of 16 if she can beat Zvaonareva and Venus gets past her Spanish opponent. American Bethanie Mattek-Sands, (seeded 32 or 30…I more so think she is seeded 30) who created all that nonsense publicity with “Gaga Tennis outfit” lost in the first round. Are we surprised? I don’t think so.

Mattek-Sands in her tennis outfit. If there is any justice on court, they would allow me to go on court and just beat she with this jacket until I am weary. Can you believe this shite?

Day 4 for the ladies was catch-up time as some players had to play two days straight. The talk of the town was whether the Serenanator was ready for Wimbledon as she has been off for nearly a year. She had an emotional win in the first round against French woman Avarane Rezai and now face another upstart Romanian Simona Halep. Halep came out on first and she was pushing the Serenanator around on court like a rag doll. However, the Serenanator who came out with a ponytail put her hair in a bun because she was ready for a fight. She lost the first set 3-6 and said, “Ok! You showed me what you can do. Now let me show you what I can do!” Halep won only three more games, losing the match 3-6 6-2 6-1. Now so face watching the championships in regards to the arrival of Venus and Serena back on tour, I have to say that I noticed a calmer demeanor from them both. They are not making a big fuss when things go wrong and also they are correcting their errors. However, they are very tentative at times and are not playing the aggressive style we are use to but it is still early and a lot more tennis to come.

The Serenanator showing backbone?!!

A “major” upset took place yesterday as NaLiNa 3rd seed lost to Sabine Lisicki of Germany (Ms. Lisicki is a 1st generation Polish). After recent success on the red stuff, NaLiNa (I have to say that I am getting tired with the name bit. I really want to call her Chun Li but that might be offensive…Don’t you think? I think I am going to call her Chun Li until someone says otherwise.) Anyway Chun Li had recent success on the red stuff and now had to make the adjustment on grass. Chun Li is a competent player and looking at the match yesterday, she had that match in the bag. Though she lost the first set, she was all over that ball in the 2nd set, which she won and in the 3rd, at least in the earlier part of the set. She had two match points and served for the match but seemed to have lost her way. Earlier this month, Lisicki was so overcome with nerves when she had Vera Zvonareva on the ropes at the French Open, that she had to be removed by stretcher off the court. She was a howling hot mess! It was Chun Li who was all jubilant at the French but here at Wimbledon, things reverse. It was Chun Li who the hot mess as she became upset over a bad call in the last few games on the match, had to replay a point she had won before the call, and now, is probably on some stretcher in a psyche ward wondering how she lost a match that was in her hand.

Lisicki with tears of joy at this major

Two other seeded players lost as well Radwanska (13) and Lucie Safarova (31).  Other winners include Melinda Czink who took out Sam “D’Stove” Stosur is still alive and so is Ana Ivanovic who is usually out of majors at this time. She is through to the 3rd round as is Schiabone, Fatrova, Wickmayer, Kuzi-Rex, Maria Kirilenko who will face the Serenanator.

Anyway, we are running out of time so I will get to the menz..

Day 3’s limited action saw Mr. Divadal, Mr. Brooklyn Decker, D’Joker Harlequeen, Tomas Berdych aka Lurch and Lochness Monster handling their business. They all won in straight sets and look rather comfortable though I have to put an asterisk next to Lochness Monster. Something tells me he is going to be bounced before the quarters. There is something off about him this year. I have to give the American men a shout out because they have been showing some good stuff as of late. Mardy Fish former Whale also won in straight set as did Alex Bogomolov Jr (a semi veteran and journeyman…usually playing challengers..think minor league of tennis) Bogo took out the 25th seed Juan Ignacio Chin-Chela.

Ginger Snap! Here is a picture of Bogo. Unlikely you might see him again in these parts of a major

Milos Raonic, a favourite here in these parts, crashed and burned as he injured himself in the first set of his match and had to retire. Fernando “Tabasco Verdasco” Verdasco (21), resident hottie here, was looking more like ketchup as he lost in 4 sets. I do not know what the hell is up with him but this year has been rather dismal. His level of play is so poor it is almost as if he wants to lose each match.

Tabasco Verdasco is turning into more of a sour condiment these days. Nonetheless, he still a hottie and superficiality never ever goes amiss here at RTF.

Meanwhile his countryman Feliciano Lopez and Frenchmen Richard Gasquet and Beetlejuice won their matches to move through to the 3rd round. Another upset was Stanislav Wawrinka who will not heed my advice and get his fat @$$ to a gym. He lost to lucky loser (you lost in final round of qualifying but got placed in the main draw because a main draw entrant pulled out) Simone Bolleli. Bolleli it seems is making a business of this LL bit as he was a LL at the French and made headways in the draw. Now he is in the 3rd round of Wimbledon when he did not even qualify to be here. It’s like a gate crasher upstaging the birthday boy!” Funny business indeed. Unfortunate newz for a special fanz who likes to keep up with the Israeli tennis happenings, Shahar Peer who lost early here will have company as Dudi Sela lost in straight sets to Frenchman Gilles Simon 7-6 6-4 7-5.

Ehummm. Another day!

On Day 4, which again saw limited action. However, there was an epic match on Center Court as Robin Hood took on Dingo Dog Llyton Hewitt. Hewitt, champion here in 2002 and the last non-Federer/non-Nadal winner of these championships was up 2 sets and a break. It seemed for all the world that the Swede was about to be bounced out of the hood. However, real hood don’t go out like a punk and Hood held his own and took the 3rd set 7-5.

Things were about to fade to black for this gangsta

The rest of the match was very high quality not that it wasn’t before and the Aussie was done in again by his lack of serving ability. He lost the 4th and 5th sets 4-6 4-6. I know a lot has been spoken about Hewitt recent fall from grace and much is said about his “slowness” on court now that he is older. However, I think the real problem for Hewitt is his serve. He never had a good serve and his first service percentage is abysmal. Against the big hitters who dominate the top 10 and as well as throughout the entire field, they simply snack away on his 2nd serve as though rice cakes. Anyway, I give him 2 more years on tour if not one because I think Becky Cathwraight or whatever his wife’s name is, she is going to be putting a stamp on all the traveling and demand that he stay home. Look for Hewitt in 2-3 years to be fat, balding with a ton of kids at his ankles and his wife up and went off with some other guy. She is biding her time.

Adios mate...

Anyway, D’Joker Harlequeen and Mr. Federer were absolutely stellar in their matches though Mr. Federer had to play well into the English night as the Soderling/Hewitt match and Chun Li/Lisicki match all went the distance. Why Wimbledon start play at 1 p.m. is beyond me?

Flying through his matches

It's more like a warm up session than an actual match you know

Beast Boy aka Juan Martin Del Potro who lost the first set on Day 3 but match was suspended till Day 4 came out like a beast against the diminutive Oliver Rochus. Rochus took the first set on Day 7-6 but on Day 4, Beast Boy gnawed him up like a piece of beef bone only surrendering 5 games 6-7 6-1 6-0 6-4.

Seriously?? Seriously?? He doesn't even get to his shoulder. I guess in the rematch David got his @$$ handed to him by Goliath.

Meanwhile Fiery Ferrer is locked in a battle with American Ryan Harrison. The Spaniard has to win in 5 set as he is down 1-2 sets. However, he has a break in the 4th. Can the American upset the 7th seed. Marcos Fatdatis former semifinalist is through to the 3rd round as is another former semifinalist here XXX-Man aka Xavier Malisse. Fernando Gonzalez of Chile is back on tour after being out for a significant portion of last year into this year. He is also through to the 3rd round as is David Nalbandian a former finalist (he lost to Hewitt in 2002). Nalbandian will face Mr. Federer in the 3rd round. Unfortunately John Isner aka BFG lost to Nicolas Almagro. I was really hoping that BFG made something of these championships but alas, I hope in vain.

A refreshing moment...ahhhhhhh

(Can't talk right now!)

A lot of matches were suspended because of delays caused by the rain. Nevertheless, you are all caught up now. Day 5 will see Mr. Divadal, Lochness Monster, Venus (I don’t have the heart to call her Russ Troll as she got the hair together and I don’t want to call her Crackhead anymore. So it is Venus for now. Wait I am going to call her Ebony Starr…those are her middle names)

BIG PICTURE SHOW

I always knew he could dip it low. Ah..I would like to point that I think Harlequeen is sorta missing the point here.

Sometimes you just can't find the right hole.

Oh that's why they call it a Vee

Ebony Starr gurl... I think you are being extra with this now.

You do the hokey pokey and shake it all about

Is she homeless or something? Why is she wearing so much clothing? Or is the extra coat for Mr. Federer?

Seems like Brooklyn reads our lil publication because she has cleaned up very nicely indeed

What is he doing on court with Baby Ali? Do I have to go cut a motherfcuker now?

Security fail!

Frustration fail

Skanks fail!

Speaking of skanks..Camilla Parker Boyles now The Duchess of Cornwall and Patron Living Saint and Inspiration for all the "Mistress/Other Woman" there are in the world

And this is just fail... I mean WTF is he doing? Why am I seeing his pubes?

See you tomorrow. Hopefully there is no rain!


 

 

 

 

WIMBLEDON 2011 IS HERE!

In Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, David Nalbandian, Fernando Verdasco, Francesca Schiavone, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, John Isner, Li Na, Mardy Fish, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Melanie Oudin, Na Li, Nicolas Mahut, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Stanislav Wawrinka, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Venus Williams, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 22, 2011 at 8:15 am

It is Day 3 of Wimbledon 2011 and I have yet to really produce a full posting. I really don’t know why but I guess this major, I am less willing to forgo sleep as I have in the past. Also the weather is not helping things. Last major, I was ill for the first week so it helped that I was home and could work on the newzletter as I dealt with the seasonal allergies. Anyway, I have to give you an update today because I got sidetracked and extremely tired yesterday in the heat and humidity. I am not going to make any promises as I cannot seem to keep them but I will do my best to rectify these problems as soon as I can.

The smell of grass and the hint of rain....Yes we're in jolly ole England for Wimbledon

So here is a quik update. So it is Day 3 and all the 1st round matches have yet to be completed. It rained on the first day which has seriously delayed things. It also does not help that Wimbledon start match play at 1:00 p.m. instead of the usually 11:00 p.m. They also do not play on the middle Sunday so look for things to get seriously complicated at this year’s championships, which incidentally is the 125th event. So congratulations Wimbledon. Right now as we speak, it is raining. I wonder if English people would ever learn. Why not copy the French and start on a Sunday and/or start earlier. But anyway, let us not digress in this early start of posting.

S2: Overcomed with emotions the Serenanator is back after nearly a year lay off and is in her winning ways

She is also back to getting in your face. You betta chek yourself before you wreck yourself

Anyway, there has been no real major upset of sorts thus far. Russ Troll and the Serenanator are back on tour and they both won their singles matches. I will not comment on their play but let’s just say that we are EXTREMELY HAPPY they are back on tour and winning. The 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse; Mr. Divadal, D’Joker Harlequeen, Mr. Federer and Lochness Monster all came through unscathed though Nessie dropped his opening set but took the last 15 games of the match.

Mr. Federer is poetry in motion.

Monfils aka Beetlejuice finally through some good stuff and won in straight sets. His fellow countrymen Gasquet and Baby Ali are also through to the 2nd round. Last year’s finalist Tomas Berdych aka Lurch also was impressive in his first round win as was Wawrinka of Switzerland, Milos Raonic of Canada and Dudi Sela of Israel. Americans through to the 2nd round are Mr. Brooklyn Decker, Mardy Fish, Ryan Sweeting who came back from 2 sets down to take out Spain’s Pablo Andujar. However, Mr. Sweeting will face another Spaniard in Mr. Divadal in his 2nd round.

Is that Mr. Divadal or his doopleganger?

John Isner aka BFG (Big Friendly Giant) in some of the craziest coincidences ever played Nicolas Mahut again in the 1st round of Wimbledon. However, BFG is a much better player and was not going to dragging his feet again as he won in straight sets. Other winners include resident hotties Fiery Ferrer and Tabasco Verdasco who it seems loves to drop the first two sets and then start playing for the last three. Robin Hood Soderling also won as did Beast Boy Juan Martin Del Potro and fellow Argentine David Nalbandian.

WTF Vee? WTMFF? I can't! I really can't right now. I can't extend my full haterific wing on this lil number here right now. So I am going to halt the hater express and come back to this one tomorrow. Satan I rebuke you right now. I will not say it!

Ladies winners include recent French Open champion LiNaLi, Daniela Hantuchova, Maria Shriekapova, Danish Biscuit, Azarenka (still don’t have a moniker for her) and Francesco Schiabone. Ana Ivanovic former Mrs. Tabasco Verdasco, brutalized American Melanie Oudin aka Dot 6-0 6-1. This is the second major in a row that the American has been flung out of and she only won 2 games between them. Rising stars Andrea Petkovic of Germany and Petro Kvitova also won their matches. Of course other people won but they are not getting featured. Oh yeah I almost forgot about Gloria the Hippo aka Marian Bartoli aka La petite grosse, Vera Zvonareva who also lost a set and Kuzi-Rex aka Boynetsova aka Svetlana Kuznetsova, they also won.

Ana Ivanovic (R) Melanie Oudin aka Dot (L) As for what I really want to say, I am trying to not let Satan control my words but I think Wimbledon should make a special exemption for Oudin and allow her to play in black next time because this white is not flattering at all.

As for losers, well Fivehead aka Jelana Jankovic lost as did Sam “D’Stove” Stosur. Now ordinarily I do not care about Stosur per se. However, it is amazing that she plays so poorly on grass when her game is tailor made for the stuff. She got a huge serve, good ground strokes and she knows how to play at the net. Mind boggling if you ask me. Anyway, James Loser Blake lost early in another event. Maybe it is time for him to pack it up. Anyway Davydenko lost early again (I swear since they accused this guy of cheating, his tennis has gone off the wall) Marin Cilcic who has serious potential lost to his countryman Ivan Ljubicic.

Fabulous hair Mirka but just flabs everywhere else. Get it together and get yourself to a gym. Or is that you are pregnant again?

I think that’s about it and you are all up to date. Sometimes I wonder if I do not make this whole blog/newzletter posting a lot bigger than it is. Once I am finish, it seems so easy but working on it takes a lot of time especially the big picture show. I think I can only do a few pictures today.

I think this Brooklyn Bridge is in a state of disrepair....

Fcuk this Where's Waldo shite, what I want to know is Where the fcuk is the prisoner guards because these two itches just escaped from fashion jail.

Way too easy....too easy

baby baby baby baby Aliiii

WOW! Holiday with the Hags! Even this one scared me

So bye for now as I lurk in the bushes. See you tomorrow hopefully if there is any tennis because of the rain

Mr. Divadal is the undisputed Queen of all Clay

In French Open, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Tennis on June 5, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Mr. Divadal with his 6th French Open title

Before the start of this tournament and just after Mr. Divadal’s first match, I made a promise to myself; if Divadal wins this French Open, he would earn my undying admiration though not my adoration. And today, I will keep my promise. Divadal beat Mr. Federer once again to win his record-tying 6th Roland Garros title 7-5 7-6 5-7 6-1. Therefore, I will refer to Divadal as Mr. Divadal because he has proven himself a great great champion. This match up was filled with anticipation and huge expectation but it turned out to be as always Mr. Divadal holding court as the Queen of Clay. Like great monarchs of the past, Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Victoria, Catherine the Great and of course the flair of Marie Antoinette, Mr. Divadal never waived from his ability and confidence. He stared possible defeat in the face and fought back. Despite the rare losses on clay to the mighty D’Joker D’Juggernaut, he persevered and kept at it. He left nothing on the court today, left nothing to chance, he took the opportunities that were presented to him and now he has won his 10th major. I congratulate you Mr. Divadal and just in case you did not think we here at RTF do not respect you, we boldly proclaim you ONE OF THE VERY BEST.

You deserve this moment and to be as divalicious as you want

As for Mr. Federer….well, it would be so easy for me to get on his case and pour on the haterade. However, today I am going implore sympathy and empathy. It was a tough loss and as a fellow Leo, I understand how much regret is killing you right now. You played one of the best…the absolute best on clay. I doubt the outcome would have been different….perhaps the scoreline. You had a chance; you had chances but you did not take them. Though often quite prodigious on court Mr. Federer, today, you were quite the prodigal player. I congratulate you for re-cementing yourself at the top of the game. However, do note that you are still lagging behind. There is work to be done. Do not become a footnote in history. You deserve much more. Wimbledon is coming up and you will need to bring your best to lift that trophy again. Because NO ONE REMEMBERS SECOND PLACE!

Another 2nd place plate. No one drinks champagne out of a plate. You need to hold that cup again.

Divadal vs Mr. Federer part 25

In French Open, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer on June 5, 2011 at 9:59 am

Divadal vs Mr. Federer

They have a combined 25 majors. Mr. Federer has 16 and Divadal has 9. They have met 24 times with Divadal holding a 16-8 record of which he has beaten his Swiss opponent 11-13 times on clay. Divadal has 5 French Open titles to Mr. Federer’s one. They have played at Roland Garros 4 previous times and Divadal has won them all losing only 3 of 15 sets they have played. Truth be told, the last time they played at Roland Garros, Mr. Federer only won 4 games 1-6 3-6 0-6. As a matter of fact, according to a EuroSport commentator, Mr. Federer has had 31 break point chances and only won 5. To say that Divadal is in command of this rivalry is really an understatement. Divadal has made Mr. Federer look mortal if not amateur at times, Yet today when they face each other for a chance of further cementing their place in the record books, all those numbers, the history and they rivalry go out the window. The most important number will who will be the first to win 3 sets. Nothing will be taken for granted and nothing but the absolutely best tennis will be required to win. Nonetheless, what is absolutely certain is that today will be a GREAT DAY OF TENNIS especially for REALZ FANZ.

Li Na/Na Li Wins her First Major at the French

In Francesca Schiavone, French Open, Li Na, Na Li on June 4, 2011 at 11:45 am

LiNaLi won her first major en Français

With a steady heart, mind and game, LiNaLi won her first ever major over defending major Francesco Schiabone 6-4 7-6 (0). Having never won a clay court ever in her career, the 29-year-old Chinese player went from zero to hero winning the biggest clay court title, the 2011 Roland Garros women’s singles title. LiNaLi took an early lead in the first set and was as steady as a rock, hitting winners especially with that massive forehand. Schiabone did not have an answer and soon found herself a break down and losing the set 4-6.

The Italian was looking more like baked ziti out on court than defending champion

Things did not start well for Schiabone in the second set as she was broken and soon found herself down a set and a break with Li 2 games away from the match 4-2. However, the Italian is aggressive and never goes out quietly in the night. Na Li had several opportunities to go up a double break but the Italian steadied the ship and soon it was 4-4 in the second. One sensed that Schiabone was going to make a comeback like in two previous matches. Next it was 5-4 Schiabone and Li had to serve to stay in the set.

The Italian was making a comeback

However, LiNaLi was not going to let this match slip away from her. She was up in the Australian Open against Mommie Dearest and she lost that one but this was not going to happen. Li won to tied it at five games all and now. Schiabone won her game and was up 6-5 with Li serving again to stay in the set. However, the Italian allowed a call, which she thought was out to sidetrack her from her mission and from then on, never won a single point. She lost the last 9 points of the match. That’s right, she did not win a single point in the tie-break 0-7. With that Li won her first major.

The necessary fall to the floor diva moment....I WON! I WON! I can't believe it

I am so so so happy. You know I have been backing her or Azarenka. Since Li took out Azarenka, I was all for her. Hopefully tomorrow I can double up with a great French Open with a Mr. Federer win. Mr. Federer we here at RTFN are STRONGLY behind you.