Realz

Wimbledon Weekend 2011

In Andy Murray, Bernard Tomic, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sabine Lisicki, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on July 1, 2011 at 8:20 am

What a weekend this promises to be. I am so happy that there is a holiday this Monday because I might not be fit for duty after this weekend. Wimbledon is whining down and to say that there have been surprises would woefully understating matters. This is more a real quick update because I have not filled you in on matters. It was not out of shame and embarrassment because you knowz I keeps it realz with you all. Anyhow let us get to the Realz Newz. I have this feeling that I have forgotten to tell you all something. Hmmmm…I guess it might come to be later.

Are we at Wimbledon?? It's the Weekend and no Williams sister and/or Mr. Federer? This is a dream right?

The ladies: Well the finalz for the ladies have been set and it will be Maria Shriekapova vs Petra Kvitova (Kay-vit-o-va) aka The Grand High Witch… look I am not trying to be mean to the gurl bbut you know I keeps it realz and I dare anyone to tell me that Petra is not channeling Anjelica Houston from The Witches. I am sure she is a nice gurl.

Shriekapova showing she is more than a banshee

The Grand High Witch

Anyway both these ladies dismantled their opponents though GHW had a lil hiccup against Azarenka who again gave another underwhelming performance at a major. I think I am going to call her Victoria AzaRANKa as in a rank smell because she is plain ole stink. I really thought she could have really contend for a major this time around but alas…not the best of monikers but it will do for now. Shriekapova on the other hand, was masterclass on court as the German Lisicki did not stand a chance.

Victoria AzaRanka...yeah you are smelling your own shitty play on court

As for who I favor in the finalz, well a banshee vs a witch, I think I will go with the witch. It is not that I do not like Shriekapova, there is no denying that. However, the thing is that the WTA really need to have young people winning majors. These old itches have been winning the thing since 2008 Wimbledon. Since then, it has been the veteran players who been contending for majors and it is high time some new young blood get in there. Also I really do think that GHW can beat Maria. She has a lefty serve, big groundstrokes and though she is not fit, she does not have to worry because Shriekapova is not the best mover at all. It will be sweet justice to see a young upstart upset Maria as she upset the Serenanator in 2004. Yes I know Kvitova is not glamourous material and will not be selling make up or fancy dresses. However, if Madison Avenue does not want her perhaps Spielberg, Wes Craven or John Carpenter can feature her in their up coming films or she can even get a walk in role on TruBlood. See I believe there is something for everyone.

Mr. Shriekapova...this is Maria fiance. He plays for the Lakers I think and his name escapes me. He's also Russian too. I am not going to lie, he is not bad looking and they are both tall. They'll have huge goodlooking babies for sure

Anyway to the menz….it is lil secret now that Mr. Federer was sent packing in one of his own boxes and that resident hottie on our blog Baby Ali is through to his first Wimbledon semi finals. I believe I let you know that D’Joker took out Tomic is what proved to be a much tougher match than either he or I expected. However, I neglected to tell you that Mr. Divadal took out Mardy Fish former Whale in 4 sets. Mr. Divadal came out swinging and the F Whale was hardly able to breath….oh I am going to call Mardy Fish former Whale, Mardy Flipper because he has brought himself down to a slender sleek size. Anyways, it was only Lochness Monster of the Top 4 aka the Four horsemen of Apocalypse who had a very easy time. He took out FeFe in straight sets.

So today, which is the men’s semis will see Baby Ali vs. D’Joker Harlequeen and Lochness Monster vs Mr. Divadal. See this is really a toss up.

Baby Ali....this one is for you Kimmie

Harlequeen, you know that bag is going into the nook of his arm right...you can just see it already

OMG! OMG! Did you just see that? It's the Lochness Monster....They said it was not real! Oh my god! Take a picture so that I can upload it to facebook!

Mr. Divadal practicing for this next fake "injury" Oh my...I got a toothache...can the trainer come out and bring a bottle of Momentum Killer for my opponent over there cause he is not going to beat me today.

So as for my take on the menz…well I will really love it for Tsonga to win it all. I mean he is a complete outsider and it will be really great for the game to have someone way out of left field win it. Beast Boy was not so much a surprise because before his wrist injury he had been awfully close to that level and his match against Mr. Divadal showed that he is almost there on that level again. Anyway, in order for Baby Ali to get to the top, he has to beat 3 of the top 4 players in the world and that is a TALL GRANDE, GINORMOUS task. He has beaten all those players and as a matter of fact he has a 5-2 record against D’Joker so it might not be so over for him as many would like to think. France need a major winner as they last had one in in 1983 I think. In regards to Lochness Monster vs Mr. Divadal. Nessie has played progressively well throughout this tournament and Mr. Divadal has been the one to drop sets here and there. So I will give the slight edge to Nessie especially since the crowd will be favoring him. However, this is Mr. Divadal we are talking about and not some low level player. Divadal has not lost a match here since 2007 winning the titles in 2008 and 2010. He is not going anywhere quietly. It will not be fair for me to predict because they are all equally matched. I will only say who I want to win and again that is Baby Ali. So don’t forget to tune into NBC and watch tennis “Breakfast at Wimbledon” though the matches are actually played at around 2:00 p.m. British time, at 9:00 a.m. our time on both Saturday and Sunday for the matches.

Anyway, for the longest, we have not had a hottie section…well it will allegedly be a scorcher this weekend and I am going to heat things up with our hottie of the day. Someone accused me of making scathing comments about Baby Ali…(How dare they?) and I know there is one special gal out there loving them some Baby Ali so here it is, our Resident Hottie

If the body is the temple of the Lord, I want to be worshipping here come Sunday...RTF is fully behind you Baby Ali and I mean fully behind you.

Hmmm oh la la la la

Baby Ali's baby brother Enzo Tsonga (he is legal. I checked 21 and he plays with balls too. On the French junior basketball team) However, what I really want to know is if it is still considered incest if they are not touching each other but only touching me and I'm touching them? It isn't right?

Oh yes... I will be sitting on the first pew front row, so that I can catch the entire sermon and of course for bible study when one gets to study the word up close and in depth

Well I can hardly be bias and not show some other bodies

Bernard Tomic ....you know we never ever hate on the skinny itches but it just does not compare to Baby Ali

D'Joker is no oversized queen at all

Tyler Hamilton (L) Formula 1 racer... and don't know who the other guy is but I am sure no one objects to a second helping of chocolate ice scream

Definitely deserves two scoops

How does one really become an ATP trainer??

Okay is not really a hottie moment and I am not seething over the Mr. Federer loss. However, I want to draw your eyes a lil wayz down... is Mr. Federer being lude? I mean I am not going to lie he is carrying a big package in this delivery but come on brother, a proper jock strap? I can literally see where it begins and ends.

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