Realz

The Witch obliterates the Banshee

In Caroline Wozniacki, Maria Sharapova, Petra Kvitova, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on July 2, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Well in this magical finals the Witch was up against the ever screaming Banshee and did the witch ever overcome that obstacle. I know people thought I was being crazy but I knew that Petra Kvitova (was told that it is suppose to be  pronounced kuh-VIT-uh-vuh) would be winning her first major this year over Maria Shriekapova at Wimbledon. And The Grand High Witch did so in fine style. Petra took out Maria 6-3 6-4 with her fat jelly belly roll and all. Kvitova now stands in the land of giants with other great Czech players Martina Navratilova and Jana Navotna who won 9 and 1 Wimbledon titles respectively.

Wimbledon 2011 Ladies Champion Petra Kvitova (Grand High Witch) of Czech Republic

The match started out and Shriekapova not known for her serve elected to let the Czech serve first. It was a wise move as Kvitova was broken. It seemed that Maria was on her way to a steamroller. However, in the next game, Maria’s major weakness was apparent for all the world to see as Petra broke back. I have to say that I watched the warmup before the match and Petra was moving her feet around, staying loose. However, Maria was a stiff as a board. She was not moving lithely at all and I knew then that she was move than beatable; she was “dismantable” Kvitova held serve her next service game and would later break in the 6th game to go up 4-2. This almost had the same feel of Shriekapova vs the Serenanator in 2004 with the Russian being the young upstart. However, back then Serenanator was not in the best of shape as she had just come off injury. Anyway, Shriekapova was on the defense for the rest of the set and lost it 3-6 as Kvitova took a 1-set to love lead.

Have to catch her breath...Shriekapova looked all out of sorts

The first set in the bag, half way to banishing this banshee. Maria was not ready for this jelly at all

The second set was more of the same as Maria could not hold serve as she double faulted on break point. It is her achilles tendon and she has yet to work on this problem. I was happy hear that her fans have stopped using the shoulder surgery as excuse because the real issue is that Shriekapova’s toss is way too high, upsetting her timing, she has poor technique and it mostly seem like a hope and a prayer in the night to get it in. The Witch was merely picking her spots as to where she wanted to cast her spells.

Sasha Vujacic trying to cheer his ladyfriend on...That's what every girl needs and some type of guys too, a HOT man in their corner

Banshee will not go quietly into the night

However, this is Shriekapova we are talking about and she will not go down without a fight. She will scream and screech her way to a win and for a moment it seemed that she was on her way to doing this. Shriekapova had not dropped a set throughout the tournament unlike her opponent and everyone felt that with her experience and her tenacity, she was going to put up a fight and in the end, she would be the victress. The witch had other ideas though. Shriekapova broke back and was level at 3-3 all in the 2nd set but GHW broke back immediately to go up 4-3. She held serve and was up 5-3. She was just a game away from her first Wimbledon title, from her first major win and for the first time in over 3 years, a young gal under 26 winning Wimbledon. Kvitova allowed the Banshee to show herself but not winning a point off her serve. Shriekapova held serve at love but was still down 4-5. Interestingly enough she got quiet around this time.

Sorry, that was not me screaming out a while ago...I would never do such a thing...hair flip

With two massive lefty forehand, a serve into the body and an ACE in her FACE, Kvitova had won Wimbledon 6-3 6-4 making her only the 3rd person since 2000 whose last name was not Williams to have taken the grass court title.

Holding up the Venus Dishwater Trophy

Itch you need to step back, you trying to steal my shine...I banish you. I am not joking. Does it look like I am joking?

Thank you very much you noisy nuisance

Hopefully Kvitova can start contending for majors. Who would have thought that Kvitova would be winning her first major over the likes of Fivehead (Jankovic), Danish Biscuit (Wozniacki) and CVera Zvonareva. Good luck for the rest of the year Kvitova, just don’t get any ideas in your head about stopping the Williams Sisters from shining because they need to be back in winner’s row. However, I congratulate you on doing an absolutely tremendous job. I knew you had it in you. Wonderful that you held your nerves and played a really great match. You beat my girl AzaRANKa but you stepped up to the plate and took your chances. Congratulations again from RTFN.

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  1. Yay that the GHW won!! I must say that it looks like it was a well played match on her part. Too bad I can’t say the same for Shriekapova. She’s like the hot tamale train that got derailed. Mary Murphy must have choked on a chicken bone in mid scream during this match.

    And I was going to say that the Editor shouldn’t talk smack about a bit of a belly on the Witch but then I saw her smile and realized that nobody seems to have noticed the fine bit of dentistry that is in there. For shame!!! I’m sure that the Czech Republic has excellent dentists and if not then homegirl has been around the world for matches. She sure as heck could have had some cosmetic dentistry done on the cheap at one of the stops along he way. She needs to get on that ASAP!!! She’s not gonna win any endorsements with that “grill” in her mouth. *shudder*

    • I have long mentioned this fact. I mean I call her Grand High Witch for crying out loud. I even went as far as to say that Wes Craven and Spielberg might be checking her out for their next flick. I did not want to focus on the teeth too much because I thought it was funny that a skinny itch like Maria got mopped up by some belly jelly :-). And I was trying to keep the hateration a bit on the low levels after all she won and I wanted her to win. Had she beat one of my peeps, you know I would have been on them teeth like a dentist. To be honest, you don’t want to see her brother. I am sure the $1million will come in handy to fix the teeth.

      And while we are talking about belly jelly, I have noticed that a fair amount of girls on the tour seem to be “chubby” and I am sure this is something I have touched on in the past. I wonder if this is some new “thing” where these “thick-sauced” girls (as Whitney Williams calls them) are keeping the “thickness” to add to their power game. Hmmmmmm I will have to keep and eye on this…well two eyes because one eye isn’t enough to see the whole of these girls.

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