Realz

Day 2 US Open 2011

In Andrea Petkovic, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, David Nalbandian, Fernando Verdasco, Francesca Schiavone, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Li Na, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Sabine Lisicki, Serena Williams, Sports Blog, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, US Open, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on August 30, 2011 at 10:30 am

My dearest fanz, I do regret that these postings are coming to you so late. Seems like I cannot keep up as I am always low on energy these days. Of course, I will back date the postings as if I posted them on the day of. Nonetheless, I post when I can. I am trying to maintain the standard we have set and wish not to post low grade material. Anyway, before we get to the tennis, let me just remind you to COMMENT and RATE the postings and also check out us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/RealzTenisFanz/126890294056298 as well on Twitter: RealzTenisFanz . Do not ask me how that really works per se. I just know that I post on Facebook and it appears on Twitter and I post on the blog and it appears on Facebook. WOW. I know…Technology brings us together yet keeps us apart. Anyway,  Day 2 action

The Men

As if D’Joker Harlequeen needed any more luck this season. His opponent Irishman Conor Niland retired. Now Mr. Niland came through 3 rounds of qualifying last week only to have to face the D’Juggernaut himself 1st round and to keep things interesting, he got food poisoning i.e. he had diarrhea and needed to get off the court pronto. Things got to be too much after he failed to win more than a game after 12 games. Kinda of hard to keep your mind in the game when your @$$ is blowing up. He was down 0-6 1-5 before the called an extended potty break. D’Joker did not even break a sweat.

Niland trying to keep it together on court. Now only did he feel like shite, played like shite, he really wanted to shite.

He has diarrhea?? Hmm...he needs to switch to my gluten free super diet

But anyway let us not digress. Divadal won his match in straight sets but his opponent was one of the most imbecilic players I have ever seen on court, Andrey Golubev from Kazakhstan. In each and every set, he would be up a break to two breaks on the Spaniard and then fail to close out the set. He was up in the second set 5-3 40-0 (three set points) and lost his serve and totally collapsed. He broke Divadal to get to 6-6 for a tie breaker but failed to win more than a point.

The biggest choker on the ATP, Andrey Golubev

Then in the third set he was up 5-2, served for the set twice and still lost the match 3-6 6-7 5-7. He has to be on suicide watch at this time. It was almost like he was deliberately choking. Anyway, Divadal cannot be comforted with his play because it was totally off. He had no rhythm on his shots were easy pickings for Golubev despite him being unable to put the sleeper move on the Spaniard. Divadal could have easily been bounced in the 1st round if Borat had any mental wit about him. Divadal should walk away from this match knowing that he did not win this match at all, Golubev simply lost it.

What's going on out here?

In other menz winner, Fiery Ferrer won his match after a slow start as did Davydenko, Wartanka (aka Stanislav Wawrinka from Switzerland, the number 2 Swiss player), Argentine David Nalbandian and Chin Chela aka Juan Ignacio Chela (not to worry SF, Del Potro aka Beast Boy is playing today) Baby Ali Tsonga won as did Jurgen Meltdown, David Nalbandian of Argentina, Ivan Ljubicic and Tabasco Verdasco. Americans James Loser Blake and young upstart Donald Young also won their 1st round matches. Surprising upset, last  year’s menz semifinalist Mikhail Youhzny of Russia who took a set from Divadal lost to Ernest Gulbis from Latvia in straight set… if it is a Russian playing tennis, you can expect another Chernobyl disaster on court.

Will this be Gulbis' time to show his true potential

For the Ladies,

The Danish biscuit

The top lady, Danish Biscuit won her match comfortably as did 4th seed Victoria Azarenka who is on a possibly collision course with the 28th seed who just happens to be the Serenanator who DEMOLISHED the Serb Jovanovski last night 6-1 6-1.

A demoralized Jovanovski looking for a clock to get the hell outta there. Tennis has no countdown clock boo...Get it together but I do think it's time you go to the gym.

It was not just the physical beatdown on court that the Serenanator caused the Serb but it was pure mental torture. That girl will not be right for a couple of months. She might even give up tennis altogether for a while or even leave the tour. The Serenanator was in her face from the jump. The American sent a signal to the rest of the ladies, she is back for her 14th major at these championships.

The Serenanator is hulking on court

Other winners include Francesco Schiabone and fellow Italian Penne Pasta Pennetta, Andrea Petkovic of Germany but of Serbian descent, China’s Jie Zheng, American Sloane Stephens and Coco Vandeweghe, Jelena Dokic, Ivanovic the Terrible, Fivehead Jankovic, Kuzi-Rex and Wickmayer. Sabine Lisicki, 2011 Wimbledon semifinalist won her match and will face Ebony Starr aka Venus Williams who is unseeded today. They are two of the hardest hitting servers on tour. Should be an interesting match.

Sabine Lisicki of Germany

Shahar Peer of Israel won and joins her compatriot Dudi Sela in the 2nd round. Sela won on the first day of the tournament. Argentina’s Gisela Dulko also won. Surprise losses yesterday were that Daniela Hepbrunova and Chun Li-Na Li both lost in straight sets. With Chun Li-Na Li, 2011 French Open champion, lost in the first round as well as 2011 Wimbledon Champ Petra Kvitova’s lost in the first round on the 1st day and Kim Clijster’s absence, the 2011 Australian Open champ, it means that none of the current major titlist on the women’s side will be here for the rest of the tournament. Pretty dismal affair if I do say so myself for the women’s tour.

Next stop, Beijing China. Li Na is out like a candle in the win

BIG PICTURE SHOW 

Hotties lots of them today…

Donald Young...ahhh to be young, hung and full of.....wait a minute..we not that type of establishment here...Look at those lips and tongue..Mmm mmm good.

Eric Northman you can have my neck and all the rest.

I like big butts and I cannot lie...and a nice set of balls too

Ivanovic the Terrible does have a sweet adorable face

Daniela Hantuchova has another sweet face BUT WTF...She's hung like donkey kong....that's a baby hand down there. Gurl get a jock strap for that thing.

NOTTIES

Francesco... we spoke about the pink bit before didn't we? Wearing pink does not reduce the level of testosterone in your appearance.

Gran gran Kimiko Date-Krumm....seems like you have gone senile in your fashion but really the face...get it together. You are a woman of substance and no shame in wearing some makeup or perhaps a plastic bag if you are going to continue to make those faces.

MIXED BAG

Is it just me or does Divadal has an uncanny resemblance to...see below

a prairie dog

Really?? We're wearing this on a tennis court? The collar?? WTF

The ruffles got to go

As pretty as egg yolk

Malisse! XXX Man, it is really time you hit the gym. You look 12 weeks. Are you craving pickles yet?

I think she should get her a sippy cup

Just a lil bit creepy to me...just a tad bit on the creep-o-meter scale

Just hanging around court, feeling the gentle breeze on my face, luxuriating, pondering whether it's the chicken or the egg

Now we have had this talk before. Don't be alarm. It's not crabs. Just a Red Lobsters special

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