Aussie Open 2012: Day 2

In Agnes Radwanska, Alexander Dolgopolov, Andy Murray, Australian Open, Bernard Tomic, Caroline Wozniacki, Christina McHale, David Ferrer, David Nalbandian, Donald Young, Francesca Schiavone, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, John Isner, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kaia Kanepi, Li Na, Lleyton Hewitt, Mardy Fish, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Sabine Lisicki, Sam Stosur, Vera Zvonareva on January 18, 2012 at 6:06 am

Kvitova aka (Grand High Witch GHW) was first up against Russian Dushevina who broke the number 2 seed and 2011 Wimbledon Champ in the opening service game. Dushevina quickly raced to a 2-0 lead. Things looked for a minute like they were going to be very interesting out here on the Rod Laver Arena. However, things did not look good for the Russian after that as she was bludgeoned on the court. GHW worked her magic and reeled off 12 straight games taking the match 6-2 6-0. Dushevina did not even know what hit her.  Now, this is why Kvitova is one of my picks to win this tournament.

I put a spell on you and you're mine my lil pretty

My only fear with GHW is that she can get into these mental lapses where she acts as though she barely knows how to play the game. Anyway, she is safely through to the 2nd round where she will not be joined by Sam “D’Stove” Stosur (6th seed). Now Stosur can perhaps be described as an enigma but we will talk about that in a minute. Stosur was the last match up on the Rod Laver Arena for the Day Session and you know, all of Australia was crazy excited for this match. The 2011 US Open champ was taking the court. Prior to this title, the last time Australians had had a major champion was back in 2002 when Dingo Dog Hewitt won Wimbledon.  Australians are extremely proud of their native daughter because much of Australia’s tennis team are in fact naturalized Australians; imported talents of sorts. Australia have a rich history in tennis but apparently they seem to have to outsource for the job. Sam Stosur on the other hand was born and breed Down Under and so they all jumping like kangaroos for her and the match.

We are here for our gurl Sam!!

And what does Sam do for the crowd, well she loses. She loses to Sorana Cirstea of Romania in the first round. Now Cirstea is not a bad player, bony like hell but not a bad player at all but Sam has not lost a single set to her in their prior 2-3 meetings. Sam broke the Romanian in her opening service game and looked to be on her way to romping through this match to the delight of the crowd. However, Cirstea kept forcing the issue and later broke back. She would not allow the Aussie to get a decent lead in the set or assert herself. Now if you have seen D’Stove play tennis, you would realize that she has one main weakness, she virtually has the inability to hit a backhand. It is such a glaring deficiency. However, she is able to get away with it on most days but Cirstea was making her pay dearly for this.

Sorana Cristea (Kris-te-ah not Chris-tea oka) from Romania

Sam has never done well in her native country (think of Mauresmo in France. Oh in 2003 French Open quarterfinals, the Serenanator made Amelie look like she was ranked 1000th in the world. The French crowd was virtually silent through the match as they watched the Serenanator simply tear Mauresmo limb by limb. It was not cute. No wonder the French crowd booed the American against Cheating Justine in that infamous semi-final match.) Anyway, we digress. Sam coming in this year’s Aussie Open lost in the 2nd round and 1st round of her two warm up tournament. So with little to no confidence as well as the weight of a nation on her, Cirstea took the match 7-6 6-3.

The gas line is not connect to D'Stove.

Now what I want to say about D’Stove is that I think she is quite a lovely girl and she is the epitome of the motto, hard work brings success but the real truth of the matter is that Sam is no real singles player. She is a doubles specialist hence why her game is so halved (no backhand). She does not have the killer instinct of a top lady contender and perhaps the public should stop expecting great things from her. She won the US Open and by right she deserved it after that excellent 2010 clay court season only to lose the French Open to Schiabone. However, to be a contender at majors or week in and week out on the tour; that is not D’Stove Stosur. The girl is so lacking in confidence on court. There is no way, a Kim, a Serenanator , a Ebony Starr (on most days), a Shriekapova would have come out on court in such a lackluster manner. It was telling from the beginning that she was not going to impose herself on the match in any way. No wonder, Cirstea had a way easier time in the 2nd set than in the first. Anyway, the hope of nation was simply dashed.

Hello??? Anyone home??

And as if Sam was not bad enough, another of their imported daughter Jarmila Gajdosova (Guydasova) formerly Jarmila Groth, was knocked out by Maria Kirilenko (27th seed). Kirilenko will join countrywoman Maria Shriekapova who just simply ripped Gisela Dulko of Argentina a new one with a 6-0 6-1 victory. Dulko had knocked Shriekapova out of the French Open some years ago and Shriekapova seemed to have been exacting revenge.  I often wonder how does one deal with themselves the next day after such a dismal performance. All I know is that it must suck to be them. Suck big time and not in a good way at all.


Anyway, it was not all tears for the Australians as Jelena Dokic knocked out Anna Chakvetadze which was basically a battle of super great talent but no great results. I think it is time Chakvetadze consider being a professional teacher than a professional player. I do not think her nerves can deal with being on the tour and these poor poor results.  And while we are talking about Russians, we should mention that Boynetsova aka Svetlana Kuznetsova (18th seed Happy to see her ranking going up there), Maria Kirilenko (27th seed) Vera Zvonareva (7th seed) came through to the 2nd round, both in 3 sets as did Nadia Fatrova (29th seed) and Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (15th seed).  Zvonareva is my super dark horse pick behind LiNaLi. Other winners include Ivanovic the Terrible (21st seed) Sabine Lisicki (14th seed), Marion Fatoli aka La Petite Grosse (9th seed), Dominika Cibuttkova (17th seed) Kaia Kanepi (25th seed) Shahar Peer and Jie Zheng 2010 semifinalist here.  The US should be proud of themselves  as several young ladies made it through to the 2nd round on the 2nd day: Sloane Stephens, Jamie Hampton and Vania King aka Saw Clown. Seems I almost for this. Well the Queen Supreme of American tennis is of course, the Serenanator (12th seed) and she did not disappoint as the final match of the day. She dealt with the Austrian Tamira Paszek 6-3 6-2, preserving her record of having never lost in the first round of a major (45-0).

The Serenanator seeks out to destroy

On the men’s side, D’Joker begins his defense of his Aussie Open title and did he look spectacular as he simply demolished his Italian opponent Paolo Lorenzi 6-2 6-0 6-0. It was a beat down. D’Juggernaut is not skylarking about this at all. He is out to defend his title and he appear to be under the impression that he will defend.

That was a warm up match!

His countrymen Janko Tipsarevic (9th seed) and Viktor Troicki (17th seed) also won. Troicki came from two match points down if I am not mistaken to win the match in 5 sets. Meanwhile Lochness Monster (4th seed) was not looking so hot at all. Young Ryan Harrison was showing him up on court and trying him as he if were the lower ranked player. However, Nessie is not number 4 in the world for nothing and he simply showed the American who was the boss on the court. Harrison should take heart from this game and I myself was particularly impressed with what I saw throughout the match. Hopefully this potential pans out.

Ryan Harrison

And speaking of Americans, Andy “Mr. Brooklyn Decker” Roddick (15th seed) easily dispatched of Robin Haase of the Netherland who almost beat Lochness Monster last year at the US Open as did Ryan Sweeting and Alex Bogomolov Jr. Mr. Bogomolov has recently been the center of controversy when he was cleared to play for Russia his native country. He is a naturalized citizen of the US. Do not worry Sasha, do not mind the haters because we here are Realz loves you for realz.

Sometimes @$$holes can't help drawing attention to themselves

Australia’s bad start got better as Lleyton Hewitt seemingly down and out in the 4th set trailing 1-5 came back to win 6 straight games against Cedrik-Marcel Steber Germany. I swear, never have I seen a player choked this badly. Wait, Mr. Federer did against Mr. Divadal in the 1st set at the French Open last year. (Don’t remind me please!) Dingo Dog showed that he is a fight but unfortunately he faces Mr. Brooklyn Decker in the next round and though this is a battle of two washed up has beens, I think the American can pull this one out though I hardly care about this result. No secret that I cannot stand the Aussie and his smug, rude nasty attitude. Two other Aussie men made it into the 2nd rounds but I would not bother to tell you their names because I am certain they would not be doing anything special this year Aussie Open.

Fiery Ferrer is about to lick that ball........Olé senor

Anyhow, other winners include David Ferrer aka Fiery Ferrer (5th seed), Gael Monfils aka Beetlejuice (14th seed) who…surprise..surprise won in straight sets instead of some long protracted 5 set epic battle in the 1st round. He will join his countrymen Baby Ali Tsonga (6th seed), Gilles Simon (12th seed), Richard G@$$quet (17th seed), Michael Llodra, Julian Bennateau and Nicholas Mahut. I swear France has become the new hot spot for men’s tennis. So many good athletes. The US needs to study their junior programs and have them duplicated over here. Other players who made it to the 2nd round were Juan Ignacio Chin-Chela (27th seed) Milos Raonic (23rd seed) and Kei Nishikori (24th seed) one of the few men to beat D’Juggernaut last year.

Definitely a cutie pie...all you girls can swoon and proclaim "I wanna have a baby!'

Definitely a hottie is Cristea!

Adidas (All Day I Dream About Sex) Definitely in the hottie sex. Apparently he is Danny Valverdu, on Lochness Monster's coaching staff. I would definitely like to hit some balls with him.

Don't know who he is but definitely would love to especially in the biblical sense.

Hmmm and who is this and what's under that shirt? Hey you with the mike, how about you get some pit pads or switch to anti-perspirant?

Ooo that's what was under there. I think I have a touch of the vapours. Can someone get me the smelling salts??

It always hurt a lil when it first goes in....just breathe!!

A lil tongue action never hurts a soul

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, oral comes standard with every model though one has to have a clean tongue

Azarenka, I could sorta see where they were trying to go with this one, but sweetie, this is just straight up, softcore porn.

Who knew dinosaur wore clothes? Yeah we are in the nottie section now

And speaking of dinosaurs, here we have a caveman

Maybe because it is the wee hours in the morning but Beetlejuice sorta looks cute here.

Oh okay, the world is right again. Definitely a nottie

Hmmmm what's going on here ladies? Rather cozy no??

Hmmmm lady, something tells me you are thinking "Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink."

I see gaynesia is about to claim some new victims. And I am just saying, if you are going to draw attention to yourself shirtless, can't you at least make sure you do some crunches and not eat Crunches. I mean "C" too much Calories in your diet. Come on now indeed. O, Oh really with that scrawny chest. M, I think you have been skipping too Many Meals and E, can we get some Exercise from you.

Well that’s Day 2’s coverage for you.

  1. HAHA! Love the 2 pics of Monfils. TROLOLOLOL. “the world is right again”

    “bony like hell” 😛

    can’t wait about how you’re going to write about GHW’s near meltdown against Lady Hobbit ! scared me half to death fortunately she managed to close it out with three service winners.

    Stosur… oh dear, you’ve said exactly what I’ve been thinking… all this while she worked so hard on developing a slice backhand that she forgot about improving her two hander. A lot of people think she’s just a one slam wonder / Serena ‘gave her’ the match etc? what do u think?

    • I have much to say about that match. Lady Hobbit is looking to be a spoiler at Australian Opens for favoured players. Anyway, Stosur I think is very hot and cold when it comes to match temperament. Cirstea is a good player but she should have at least won a set. I think she is using the “weight of a nation” excuse to cover up the fact that she might not be really interested in tennis per se. Look at her face at the US Open trophy ceremony. It is as if someone caught her using the bathroom and stuck a trophy in her hand. That slice backhand is hardly a slice because it has nothing on it. It give players the ability to tee off the shot. Perhaps if she put some spin on it a la Mr. Federer. Sam played well and she kept her focus about her. I do not know what happened to the Serenanator in the finals. Serenanator did not even go after the backhand. She was all sorts of hot mess. They might as well had sent Ebony Starr to play the finals. It is as if she self destructed. I hope she saw someone about those mental issues because she cannot afford those mental lapses with Azarenka, Kvitova, Kim and other lurking around to win a major.

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