We are up and running Down Under! Aussie Open 2012 Day 1

In Agnes Radwanska, Alexander Dolgopolov, Andy Murray, Australian Open, Bernard Tomic, Caroline Wozniacki, David Nalbandian, Fernando Verdasco, Flavia Pennetta, Francesca Schiavone, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kim Clijsters, Li Na, Mardy Fish, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Robin Haase, Sam Stosur, Serena Williams, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Tommy Haas, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on January 18, 2012 at 5:41 am

It has been months since I have updated this blog. It is quite shameful. Perhaps I should do video blogs or something, make my life easier. However, I cannot do the photos bit and then my entire anonymity is shot to piece. It’s 2012, and I promise to get my “life” together and serve you more. I am not going to make promises. Or perhaps maybe I should. Anyway, let us not waste time dealing with trivial matter. WELCOME TO THE 2012 REALZ AUSSIE OPEN COVERAGE. It will not get any better than this. I want to also thank my Facebook Fanz. They have been tremendous and have kept RealzTenisFanz current. Will give special shoutouts in later blog postings.

So we are in Melbourne for 2 weeks!!

Anyway when we last spoke, we were at Day 6 of the 2011 US Open and you do not need me to tell you what happened. The Serenanator made it to the final and self destruct on court handing Sam “D’Stove” Stosur the title in convincing fashion. I am not a huge fan of Stosur but she is quite pleasant and was extremely happy for her. After the disappointment of the 2010 French Open, she was determined to win a major and she did so. Kudos for Stosur, though the rest of her year was dismal.

You would think that she wasn't happy about the win!

As for the menz, well Mr. Federer totally let me down, having two match points on his own serve and gave D’Joker Harlequeen the victory again in another semifinal. I pointed out on Facebook that in 2009, Mr. Federer played Harlequeen in the US Open semifinal and he won. However, he was hotdogging (showing off) all over the place including on match point. He went on to the final but lost to Juan Martin Del Potro aka Beast Boy. Since then, Mr. Federer has never won another US Open title nor beaten D’Joker at the Open. Hubris, look it up and I think you might see Mr. Federer’s face there. Now, you all know I love me some Mr. Federer; he is my psychic twin. However, Mr. Federer got a lil lesson in humility. Anyway, I am not bashing my “boo” but it would not be love if I could not see the faults as well. Anywho, we not really here for that. So Harlequeen made it to the finals where he faced Mr. Divadal who had demolished Lochness Monster in another semifinal. Now, I picked Harlequeen to win though all other fanz imagined that Mr. Divadal would have pulled through. Of course I was right. Fanz, it was a demolition of psyche and physicality as D’Juggernaut just batted Mr. Divadal around the place as if he were a mere child coming to play a man’s game. I know loads of Mr. Divadal’s fanz will disagree with my assessment but I assure you, D’Juggernaut was the won dictating play on court and Mr. Divadal had absolutely no answer despite having lost to him in 5 previous finals.

His first US Open title

So in the end, 4 different women won majors; Mommie Dearest (Aussie) LiNaLi (French) Kvitova aka Grand High Witch [GHW] (Wimbledon) and Sam D’Stove Stosur (US Open) and two men won the majors; Harlequeen (Aussie, Wimbledon and the Open) and Mr. Divadal (French). All of the women basically fell off the map after their win though Kvitova came back strong at the very end of the year, winning a regular tour title and the Year ending championships. For men, Harlequeen was up and down though he had nothing to prove as she had clearly established himself as THE NUMBER ONE. Lochness Monster was a stealth ninja as he cleaned up the Asian tour including serving up a 6-0 set against Mr. Divadal in Japan if I am not mistaken (I am rushing this edition so if there be any mistakes on stats not viewpoints, comment and I will rectify) Lochness crashed out in Paris but Mr. Federer showed his usual end of year flair by winning Paris as well as taking the end of year championships for the 6th time. He also got to reclaim number 3 in the world. All in all 2011 was a very good year for tennis in particular on the men’s side. I of course am happy that Kvitova being a “young gun” won a major which I hope will signal a changing of the tide for the ladies. Of course they can scramble for majors as long as Serenanator and Ebony Starr are not around. I will allow for an Azarenka to win a major because I so heart her.

Anyway let’s get to the results of Day 1 for the ladies.

Vickie Azarenka got things under way against Heather Watson of Britain. Watson who I swear is the doppelganger for Santana on Glee was just manhandled or should I say womanhandled.

Heather Watson or should I say, Wantana??

Naya Rivera secret sister of Heather Watson?? Someone better talk to their parents about this matter. Too similar in my book.

Watson won her first game and I believe had break point in Vickie’s first service game. However, that did not matter because Vickie just went on a tear winning 12 straight games. Watson was competitive throughout but she simply did not have the weight of shot to contend with the number 3 player in the world. I like Watson because I find her temperament as well as her attitude on court is much more enjoyable than the other British girls (Robson, Baltacha, Keothavong) and she is the youngest if I am not mistaken with a determination to get better. I really like that. Anyway, Vickie was through 6-1 6-0.

Vickie just might be ready to take her spot at number one this year

Other winners include Na Li who might just go all the way this year after making a semi in 2010, final in 2011 and with major win experience, might just claim it all in 2012. However, there are other players who might want to stop that including defending champ Mommie Dearest, Jelena “Fivehead Jungle Witch” Jankovic, Francesca Schiabone, Julia Goerges, Shuai Peng, Daniela Hantuchova and the top ranked player, Danish Biscuit. And while we are on the subject of Danish Biscuit, let me just say that though I never hearted this Cookie, I never loathed her either. I respected her ability to be consistent and never once spoke disparagingly about her rise to number 1 though I spoke about my feelings that she may never win a major. Anyway, this lil biscuit has really been grating me as of late. Besides the fact that I have to hear her going on about her lil golf boo every chance she gets (honey Rory Mcllroy got a major. You don’t. You are not a major winner because you sleep with one. Nope, doesn’t work like that. And while we are in the brackets, I should mention that lil heart pendant with the Danish flag that he gave you for a Christmas present, boo, it’s a bloody souvenir. You got a tourist trinket for Christmas. I would not be publicizing that. We might be interested when he start giving you real diamonds, tennis bracelets etc, otherwise just STFU about it already)

I suspect 3 Euros at Copenhagen International Airport??

Now, she puts out that she got this wrist injury before her 1st round match and may not be able to finish her etc etc. Now you are thinking, the number one player will be out early with injury (not that she was in anyway contending for the title) Then she comes 6-2 6-1 over her opponent. Really DB?? We are resorting to these silly tactics now?? You need to grow up with this sorta nonsense. You do not need to create news for yourself. You need headlines, win a bloody major already.

Looking like a Bic highlighter on court and it's high day time.

Anywho, Agie Radwanska fought off a tough challenge by American Bethanie Mattek-Sands who I felt had a chance to win the match but of course seemed to be all over the place except on the tennis court. I know some people think that she has a unique style of playing and she is charismatic and all that jazz but really and truly at the end of the day, her tennis sorta sucks. A bit harsh but she runs around the court as if she is sucking on acid pops, though considering her outfit choices, one may feel that that is indeed the case. However, she has great potential or perhaps had it. She had Radwanska by the jugular and simply released her hold on her. If Mattek-Sands is what the US is offering as possible future of their women’s game, they might as well forget about another major champion for a long time.

What?? Is it meatballs calling me??

By way of upsets, Flavia Penne Pasta Pennetta (19th seed) lost to Nina Bratchukova (Yeah, even I don’t know who she is) in three sets. Penne Pasta looked well over cooked early throughout the match and was dished out of the tournament. Yanina Wickmayer (28th seed) was also knocked out by Galina Voskoboeva of Kazakhstan. Christina McHale another hopeful champion or the US took out 24th seed Lucie Safarova aka Lady Gollum aka Former Mrs. Tomas Berdych. Since Lurch “upgraded” to his new model, Safarova has not been looking well at all. She lost in straight sets 6-2 6-4. I guess it is a good time as any to mention that Ebony Starr aka Venus Williams will not be at the Aussie Open. She pulled out against citing her energy sapping condition. She “promises” to be back on tour this February. Also out is Andrea Petkovic who incidentally, Ebony Starr pulled out against in the 2nd round last year at the these Aussie Open. She will be out for several months if I am not mistaken. And while we are on older ladies, Date Krumm, Granny Goodness lost in the first round.

So who are my picks for this Aussie Open. Hmmm, I will say it is a tossup between four players. On the top half, I am with Mommie Dearest (though I hope not) or Vickie Azarenka. On the bottom half, I am favouring Grand High Witch (GHW) aka Petra Kvitova or the Serenanator. Kimmie looked rather rusty in her first set though winning 7-5 as she is not the type to be losing that many games in a first round so I put an asterisk to her name. Vickie seems to be getting progressively better each year and she has the luxury of not facing the Serenanator until possibly the finals. My dark horse pick will be LiNaLi who has steadily progressed each year. 2010 semis, 2011, finals, 2012 champion??? Hmmm we shall see.

LiNaLi might just be your 2012 Aussie Open champ

On the men’s side,

Easy, breezy Mr. Federer!

Mr. Federer and Mr. Divadal won comfortably as can be expected. There was no fuss about their wins and they are through to the 2nd round. Del-Potro aka Beast Boy started off rather shaky and seemed to be packing it up for Buenos Aires but he brought out his mammoth size forehand and was back in the game, winning in 4 sets. Berdych aka Lurch, he too, looked shaky but also came through in 4 sets.Other winners include Wawrinka, Mardy Fish (8th seed), Nicolas Almagro (10th seed), Fefe Lopez, Sam Querry aka the Grinch, Tommy Haas, Ivo Karlovic, a dangerous floater who took out Jurgen Melzer (31st seed I think)  and Olivier Rochus (another dangerous floater). Alexandr Dolgopolov (boy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy) won in 5 sets after being down 2 sets to love. I really like Dolgo but I fear his concentration in matches is lacking. He is very Zen-like it seems on court but I suspect that calm state might be that there is no one at home at times. He has checked out for a bit. When he is on, he is capable of playing outstanding tennis and he is one of the young players I feel can really make some noise on the tour in years to come. Fatdatis also won as did Nalbandian. Young American Donald Young won in 5 sets though I feel he will not progress past the 2nd round. However, good win.

Tabasco Verdasco is looking like a spicy buffalo wing with mustard and hot sauce on top

The more interesting match I guess of the 1st day was Fernando Tabasco Verdasco taking on Aussie Bernard Tomic. Now Verdasco was red hot taking the first two sets. Then Tomic called out the trainer for cramps. However, one commentator on EuroSport later stated that Tomic was “faking it” Whatever the case, who really had the cramp out there was Verdasco who lost the match in 5 sets 6-4 7-6 4-6 2-6 5-7. Verdasco is a really good player and can really contend with the best of them. He is capable of being a top 6 player in the world. However, I guess fame got to his game and he has been slipping as of late especially in his fashion game. That orange soda outfit he had on was disgusting. I took comfort in the fact that he is out and I do not have to see it again. Verdasco needs to get his head back in the game.

Tomic of that a muffin top I see there or am I hating?? You know we never hate on the skinny itches around here.

So who are my picks for the men….well actually, it is not much picks as oppose to my picK which would have to be D’Joker Harlequeen. Confidence does not describe the high this guy is one and truth be told, he is playing the best tennis out there. The others are definitely scrambling to catch up. Many have asked, can D’Joker keep it up? Well he is a virtual D’Juggernaut and why not? Mr. Federer and Mr. Divadal were dominating for a time so why not D’Joker. So really, I think he can make some more noise again this year especially at the majors. So who is 2nd, I will say Mr. Federer. Mr. Divadal is not confident. There is something a bit off about him to me but I know his fanz will have my head for this. However, if he and Mr. Federer were to meet in the semis as they are on the same side of the draw, Mr. Federer will be the victor. And what about the Lochness Monster? Well, he needs a psychologist more so than a new coach in the form of Ivan Lendl. Will be interesting to see what he does this year for I do fear that if Murray does not win a major this year, it will be a “No chance in hell” he can win one in the future. Anyway, I think that’s about it for this edition THOUGH I am very late as usual. Dark horse picks and these are Black Beauty dark, Baby Ali Tsonga and Juan Martin Beast Boy Del Potro. I need an assistant!!

HOTTIE Benoit Paire of France. OUI OUI OUI

Daniela is giving us CoverGurl! Wurk!!!

Hmmm sir, you are aware that you're wearing a skirt right??

Arabasque Mr. Divadal. I always knew you had fancy feet!

You are a girl right??

Excuse! Gurl, I don't do that!....Anymore...well not on Mondays

And M is for Munching all the time...

We have all seen this before. We know the likely outcome. Gaynesia is about to take hold. Who knew there were daywalkers among us?? I mean D and Y have you all ever seen the sun before?


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