Realz

Australian Open 2012 Day 4

In Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Australian Open, Carla Suarez Narravo, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Kaia Kanepi, Lleyton Hewitt, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Milos Raonic, Nadia Petrova, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Sabine Lisicki, Serena Williams on January 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

So Day 4’s action

The top ladies looked to be in fine form thus far in these championships and Shriekapova came out with a vengeance against her American opponent. She dismantled her 6-0 6-1. The Serenanator was really no different as she raced out to a 6-0 first set victory in 22 minutes. She looked a bit spotty in the 2nd set but still managed to close it out 6-4 to move into the 3rd round. The Serenanator last lost here at the Open was in 2008 though she did not play last year. Therefore, she has sort of a winning streak at these championships. She is a 5 time winner though the Aussie crowd will scream on anyone on the other side of her.

BAM. The Serenanator is showing off the machine...wires and all

Don't hate!! Just appreciate!! She got it going on. Hopefully the mind is going on too for her to win her 6th title here

Marion Bartoli aka Fatoli aka La Petite Grosse of France (the lone superstar of the French ladies…incidentally she does look like Mary Catherine of SNL fame) is also looking in fine form as she dispatched of Aussie hopeful Jelena Dokic 6-3 6-2. Fatoli is a dangerous floater. She has made it far in majors and will most certainly look to disrupt all bookmarkers predisposed favourites. I have to also say that she is looking a bit trimmer this year though very very slight. I guess she ate less tarts over the Christmas holiday. I am also happy to report in particular to my Serbian fanz that Ivanovic the Terrible has done the seemingly rare feat of winning 2 matches in a row in singles at a major. She has had a terrible start of the year but just might be getting something going here. She has made it to the finals in 2008 where she lost to Shriekapova who in all fairness was playing the best tennis ever in her career and also deserved the title after that emphatic beatdown the previous year in the finals by the Serenanator.

Rare achievement for the Serb to be near the end of the 1st week at a major. Ivanovic the Terrible

Well you know how I have Kvitova aka GHW to possibly win this title, well Lady Hobbit aka Carla Suarez Navarro of Spain, almost threw a monkey wrench into this plan. Now Lady Hobbit is no stranger to upsets as many will remember that in 2009 if I am not mistaken, Ebony Starr was looking red hot at these championships until she met up on this beastly gal in the 2nd round. Lady Hobbit has a wicked one handed backhand and you get on the wrong side of that thing, she will burn you. However, for the life of me what I cannot understand is why she looks like that on court. Her deportment skills are atrocious at best.How is it that all the Spanish men come on court looking like they just rolled off the pages of GQ and Men’s Vogue magazines and the senoritas look like they were “Holidaying with the Hags” This is not right at all. Someone fix this pronto.

Look at this Spanish mess. It is like the only make up she knows is tests. She needs to hang with the girls, L'oreal, Revlon, Maybelline and Clairol. And someone please burn that outfit she is wearing.

And look at this now! These hombres got these senoritas beat in the style department

Anyway, GHW is no beauty queen on the court either so I guess the hideousness edge Lady Hobbit usually has over top opponents was neutralized. I will admit that GHW does clean up very very well off court. I have spoken at length about this Spanish Niña in particular her attire. Well anyway, GHW seemed on top of things with a 6-2 first set win. However, hobbits know a thing or two about magic and perhaps Gandalf came back or the elves sent some gifts but Suarez was not going to be disapperated off the court. She got the 2nd set 6-2 and the battle began in the 3rd. It was only good serving from the Czech that was able to push her past Navarro in the end. Ebony Starr I hope you saw that match because what Kvitova did was what YOU were supposed to do when you faced her. So GHW is through to the 3rd round with a 6-2 2-6 6-4 victory.

GHW had to come with some new spells to vanquish the Hobbit

In other matches, 29th seed Nadia Fatrova of Russia lost in straight sets to Errani as did the 25th seed Kaia Kanepi who was playing so well coming into these championships even winning Auckland if I am not mistaken. Vania King aka Saw Clown but I think I am going to change her name to Sailor Moon for obvious reasons took out the 15th seed Pavlyuchenkova in 3 sets which was not really that difficult to do because Pavlyuchenkova looks “heavy.” I swear I do not know what sort of sport tennis could be when there are so many tennichubbies running… I mean trying to run around on court. I know this is a ticklish issue but seriously now, fitness is key in tennis especially in the Australian heat.

What the hell is going on here?? Since when Lamaze has become a sport??

It is not the camera angle.

Anyway, Sabine Lisicki is through also taking out Shahar Peer of Israel quite easily 6-1 6-2 as is her fellow German Angelique Kerber. Kirilenko the 27th seed is through as is her countrywoman/man Kuzi-Rex who had hard fought 2 set victory over American Sloane Stephens. Jie Zheng is also through to the 3rd round is Greta Arn of Germany who took out seeded player Diminika Cibuttkova and Sorana Cirstea who took out Agie Radwanska’s sister Ursala. (I think I spelt her name wrong the last time around. CRIstea but it is CIRstea. Thus the correct pronunciation is Kur-te-a if I am not mistaken this time around). Anyway that’s about it for the ladies.

A light day at the office today

Regarding the menz, well D’Juggernaut is breezing through his matches with lil effort. He took out his opponent 6-3 6-2 6-1; seemingly becoming more and more efficient as the match went on. Baby Ali also looked in fine form though he had a tough match from Brazilian Ricardo Mello. He won in straight sets as did Lochness Monster and Dingo Dog Hewitt. Hewitt benefited from Roddick’s retirement from the match. Apparently during the match, Roddick cracked his crotch; ie, he pulled his groin muscle. He attempted to play on but after 3 sets being down 1-2 sets, he decided to let it go. So Hewitt is in the 3rd round though I am sure he will not be progressing further than the 4th round. The more interesting matches proved to be on the other courts where the men were battling each other for a chance at a 3rd round of this major.

Yeah I think I might not be able to have any children

9th seed Janko Tipsarevic was up against James Duckworth of Australia and was getting as good as he was giving as he finally came through in 4 sets 6-4 if I am not mistaken in the final set. Duckworth’s countryman, Matthew Ebden lost a 5 set match against Kei Nishikori (24th seed) of Japan. Tipsarevic’s fellow Serb Viktor Troicki on the other hand was sent packing when Mikhail Kukushkin took him out in 5 sets. It was a really good match between the two. Dennis the Menace aka Milos Raonic  (23rd seed) fought hard against Phillip Petzschner and took it in 4 sets. Petzschner will feel this match as he played brilliantly but could not stop the barrage of huge hitting serves from the Canadian.

Raonic aka Dennis the Menace is through to the 3rd round

Monfils looked to be a good form as well very focused at these championships. Beetlejuice is showing no sign of his usual crazy antics on court and composed himself against the hottie Thomaz Bellucci after losing the 1st set. The French beast raised his level of play and easily dispatched the Brazilian who has massive potential but prove far too often to be inconsistent. Monfils will join his fellow Frenchies Gasquet, Nicholas Mahut, Michael Llodra aka King Louis of Jungle Book who took out American Alex Bogomolov Jr (32nd seed) and Julian Benneteau who took out the 12th seed fellow Frenchman Gilles Simon. Simon started out so well but faltered in the end.

Well that’s it for the men’s side.

Sabine Lisicki of Germany is pretty pretty though she got some thunder thighs which is not a bad thing at all

Thunder thighs!!

Take a rest boo. Carrying around that much good looks can be tiring.

Hi there. What's your name?

Ryan Sweeting is definitely sweet.

Mommie Dearest are you kidding me?

Oh Jesus dinosaurs are not extinct!!

Honey, unfortunately that kind of ugly does not come off with sweat

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo

I know. He upsets my stomach too

Vania King of the US formerly Saw Clown has now been renamed

Sailor Moon

Ahhh sir, this is not that type of establishment..

WOW though commendable, this is not the type of skill we expect to see on the court, though off court, we will be happy to let you bring that racquet to play with our balls

Is it you that I ask for the toilet paper??

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