Realz

French Open 2012: The Miracle First Day

In Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Fernando Verdasco, French Open, Gael Monfils, Irina Falconi, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kim Clijsters, Nicolas Mahut, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Sam Stosur, Tennis, Venus Williams on May 28, 2012 at 4:23 am

It is so hard to get to these updates done. I keep thinking that I have a system down but it seems that I underestimate or should I say overestimate my ability to stay awake and/or focus. I wonder if it is too late for me to get some sort of medication to deal with my attention deficit disorder. It is a wonder I finished school and did fairly well if I do say so myself as I can hardly stick to a task for more than 5 minutes….unless it the task is sticking it….Wait a minute, this is not that kind of establishment. We do not speak of such things here. Order and decorum are highly valued here. I beg your pardon. And here once again that I have already written more than seven sentences and not one of them highlight the subject at hand; tennis. It is a good thing that I am senior editor of this fair publication otherwise I would have been on the unemployment line. No wait a minute…I do this for free but I digress.

I found him while collecting pictures and needless to say I got distracted. Now my life’s goal is to be a pool attendant at wherever pool he is working out in. Stay focus!…yeah we are here for tennis

Well the organizers of the French Open displaying a level of ingenuity unmatched by their counterparts at the other majors decided several years ago (I believe about three years ago) to begin play on a Sunday of the first week instead of the Monday. This has kept them relatively on schedule since, which is very important as matches tend to be prolonged as of late and there is no final set tiebreaker at three of the four majors. This sorta system would be very helpful at the other majors in particular at Wimbledon where it rains nearly every day and the US Open which has become stigmatized as of late with compacted scheduling and the men’s final being played on a 3rd Monday. Very very messy! Anywho, the French starts on a Sunday and sorta bring out the lower ranked players. None of the big names and heavy favourites are made to get up on a Sunday to play God forbid, tennis. Hence why I call it First Miracle Sunday at the French Open: it would be a miracle if any who played today won this title. Not that the French do not know how to put on a show, on the ladies side, there were two former champions and two runner ups. So it was cute affair. So let’s get to the results. Wait, I guess I should mention two noticeable absentees from this year’s Open in the form of Mommie Dearest (2 time finalist) and Beetlejuice.

What?? Play tennis so early in the week? We thinks not! We’ll have a lie in thank you very much. Send out the amateurs.

On the Ladies:
D’ Stove, 2010 Runner-Up easily dispatched Britain’s Elena Baltacha 6-4 6-0. She looked to be in form and interestingly enough, clay is her favoured surface. I guess it gives her time to run around her backhand. Anyway, Baltacha is another British lady who is doing nothing. I mean this is country that produced Virginia Wade and not one of these British gal can even make it to the top 50. Baltacha is ranked 68th in the world. She is lucky that the host country gets wild cards into Olympics events because she would have had to be a ball girl if she wanted to get on Wimbledon court for that event. Anywho, two former champions, Ivanovic the Terrible and Kuzi-Rex came through quite comfortable in particular Ivanovic who just dropped two games. Very impressive form as of late for the Serb but then again, she is the 13th seed and so she got a very low ranked player; not that that had stopped her before in the past from losing those matches. Anyway, she won and the Serbs should be happy.

Look at the way she is about to serve. You can see the double fault coming from a mile away

The other former runner up was Ebony Starr who came out in her match against Paula Ormaechea looking lackluster and plain ole “old” She was down a double break before you even knew what was going on. Ebony Starr managed to get one of the breaks back but Ormaechea was not to be denied the fruits of her efforts and the Argentine took the 1set set 6-4. However, Ebony Starr became a different being for the rest of the match and it was though she got a shot of Red Bull because she was on the ball and all over the court. Ormaechea was missing the shots that she made earlier and the American was rushing towards the net; a very effective strategy considering her reach. Anyway, Ebony took the match 6-7 6-1 6-3 and will ultimately face the 3rd seed in Bratzwanska if the Pole wins her match….(as if that’s not going to happen).

Paula take a massive swing at at Ebony Starr’s balls and fortune was favouring the brave for a while.

Anyway, other winners include Angelique Kerber of Germany aka Carebear, Lucie Safarova aka Lady Gollum aka former girlfriend of Tom “Lurch” Berdych, Shahar Peer of Israel, Sara Errani of Italy who has been playing some relatively good tennis all season long. Three other American ladies will be joining Ebony Starr in the 2nd round: Irina Falconi, Melanie Oudin (finally she won a match at a major having been given a wildcard to get in) and Alexa Glatch a qualifier. Seems as though the Americans are finding form here in Paris and this could make things interesting for the 3rd and 4th Olympic singles spot. And speaking of young, Caroline Garcia, young French girl who in 2011 almost took Shriekapova to task in the 2nd round has yet to find that kind of electricity in her game. She got a wild card into the tournament and bounced out in 3 sets by a German. Poor Caroline, the pressure the French are known to put on their athletes. Hopefully she can find her way back again to being in some sort of contention.

Bring on the menz

On the men’s side, you know none of the top 4 is playing but they did bring out Baby Ali Tsonga, the 5th seed and you know I was saying a silent prayer of thanks. However, Tsonga was playing the devil as he inexplicably lost the 1set set 1-6 to Andrey Kuznetsov. For the year, he has not looked well at all though he is at his career high of 5in the world. Anyway, he turned on the charm and sent this Russian packing in 4 sets. Beast Boy Del Potro (9th seed) was also showing signs of fragility when he just tearing Albert Montanes a new one and then inexplicably dropped the 2nd set. However, he recovered and dropped three more games as he roared into the 2nd round

Ferrero 2003 French Open champion and former Diva Supreme from Spain

Juan Carlos Ferrero, former Spanish Diva before Divadal sashayed (who knew this was a real word) onto the scene, won in three set. He was the last Spanish winner of this title in 2003 before Divadal has put a lock on it. And speaking of Spaniards, Tabasco Verdasco (14th seed) who handed Divadal a loss in Madrid came through to get to the 2nd round. Other notable winners were Marin Cilic (21st seed) of Croatia and Stanislav Fatanka (18th seed) of Swizterland. Notable losses were Jurgen Meltdown (30th seed) lost in 5 sets after being up 2 sets to love. Also Mr. Brooklyn Decker lost in 4 sets to Nicolas Mahut.

No marathon match here against an American…Mahut moves on to the 2nd round on his home turf

I am so sick and tired of seeing these American men showing up in Paris with little to no preparation for the clay. Why even bother? I mean seriously, just being in the main draw is just 5 points. You can do without it. Brooklyn Decker did not play a single real clay court match if I am not mistaken and showed up here expecting to do something. When are the Americans going to take clay court seriously and invest in learning how to play on the stuff. There are just too many clay court tournaments to pretend like they are not worth the effort and the grass season is a mere 4 weeks. Come on USTA now. Stop wasting time trying to do God knows what because really I am not sure what it is that you are doing. Youth tennis in the US sorta sucks. The Williams Sisters who are pushing 30 are the only draw in American tennis right now. What is more interesting is that the USTA would be so happy when they retire. Anyway, I really do not want to be dealing with the recurring issue that I have spoken about on numerous occasions. So on to other matters: THE BIG PICTURE SHOW!

Notties:

Definitely not cute and and YOU know it!

No no no no…definitely not cute… He looks like a gerbil.

Hotties

Ana looking cute as always though her head sorta makes her look like Mr. Planters’ sister…

Heidi El Tabakh from Canada is definitely werqing it!

It’s very clear to see Fognini when he comes on court. HOTNESS

MIX BAG

I’m so happy Uniqlo does not allow D’Joker get all loud with this stupid designs on his clothes. Simple and stately is the way to go

Thank God I don’t have to see this again

Of course the infamous “hidden” dragon!

Or this monstrosity….I just vomited a lil in my mouth

I pray this never ever happens again

Yes 2 thumbs up!!! WAY WAY WAY UP

Meanwhile here is Divadal trying to get in on action where D’Joker Harlequeen left off

And speaking about fashion….there is just something about the French Open that brings out the feminine charms of D’Stove. So girlish in this white and pink. Ahhh

Angelique Carebear Kerber

Carebear countdown 5 4 3 2 1. I’m the kind and cuddly one. The one above, she’ll rip you apart

Get away mofo! Stop being a dick. She’s not my wife and I am suppose to be at the office!!!

Well Enjoy. Don’t forget to comment. give suggestions or just general opinions about how to improve etc etc. If there be any errors I do apologize. Email rtfanznewzletter@gmail.com and they would be changed as soon as possible.

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