French Open 2012: Le deuxieme jour!

In Agnes Radwanska, Andy Roddick, French Open, Li Na, Marian Bartoli, Nadia Petrova, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Sabine Lisicki, Sorana Cirstea, Tomas Berdych, Victoria Azarenka on May 29, 2012 at 5:30 am

Well I will dispense of all pleasantries and get to the heart of the matter. However, I will remind you to tell your friends and family about the blog because I would really like to get this out and about. Remember to like us on Facebook and comment on the blog. RealzTenisFanz!! Anyway we will start with the ladies today.

First full day at the French and the place is packed

And the supreme No 1 Vickie will start us off. However, her French Open campaign almost ended as soon as it begun as she was playing some no named Italian Alberta Brianti who looked more like a Albert Brian (but you did not hear that from me) Vickie found herself down 6-7 1-4. I was like gurl get your life together. You know I was cussing at the tv…wait my computer. I was like who the hell hires Amelie Mauresmo to help them prepare for the French Open. I mean Wimbledon yes but the French?

Amelie, you’re giving advice about success at the French?? Next thing you know, you’ll be giving advice about men. Gurl!!

Anyway, Vickie righted her life and got her shite together winning 11 of the next 13 games. Gurl, I have down for the finals if my sentimental favourite one (Ebony Starr) cannot get the job done. So please don’t be playing around like that. You almost embarrassed me. Can you imagine the chastising I would have got had you lost in the 1st round? Thank you for that win. Vickie through 6-7 6-4 6-2.

You have to win in order to keep that number one ranking so get your shite together on court!

Also through was LiNaLi (7th seed) who shook off that disgusting Roma finals against Shriekapova and showed magnificent form against Sorana Cirstea aka Draculetta 6-2 6-1. Showing similarly impressive form was Bratzwanska (3) who took out Serbian Bjona Jovanovski 6-1 6-0. Now many of you may not know Jovanovski but I really hope this girl finds her way because she is a really good player but apparently is going through that Serbian disease that has so afflicted Fivehead Jungle Witch and Ivanovic the Terrible. And speaking of Fivehead Jungle Witch (19), she won her match in a tight 3rd set. Good for her. The tennis gods were merciful it seems.

Fivehead Jungle Witch. Can’t even see where the hairline begins

Other winners include Fatoli in straight sets as were Jie Zheng of China and Cibuttkova. Today was the day for the American ladies as 6 of them took the court and all 6 of them won if I am not mistaken. Lauren Davis took out Moaning Mona Barthel (30th seed) 6-1 6-1, Bethanie Mattek-Sands took out the 13th seed Sabine Losicki of Germany, Christina McHale, Sailor Moon Vania King, Sloane Stephens took out Makarova (the same one who took the Serenanator out of Aussie Open) 6-4 7-6 and Lepchenko who almost made a shite show out of her match as she was up 6-2 5-2 and just managed to win the match 6-2 6-7 6-4. Good for the American ladies.

Sailor Moon Vania King! Not a cute look sweetie. You’re just a couple shades of makeup off from being in the Nottie section!

Oh I should mention that Nadia Petrova (27) aka Fatrova and Flavia Penne Pasta (18) also won their matches and by way of upsets 32nd seed Monica Niculescu of Romania got sent packing. Vera Zvonareva pulled out after the start of the tournament for injury related reasons. Sesil Karatantcheva who lost in qualifying got the spot and boy did she take full advantage, beating her opponent 6-1 6-0. She most definitely is a lucky loser. For those of you who don’t know Ms. Kartantcheva, she took out Ebony Starr I believe in 2003 or 2004 in the 2nd round and much was predicted for her. Turns out she tested positive for performance enhancing drugs at those same championships if I am not mistaken. She has never been the same since. Anyway enough about the ladies…onto the mens.

Hey…how you doing?

Mr. Federer and D’Joker Harlequeen are on the same half of the draw and they both are hungry for this title. However, if they continue to show the type of form that I saw today, they would not be winning a damn thing and Divadal can write his name in the history book as the 1st 7-time champion of this tournament. Now they both won in straight sets but it was lackluster play throughout. As a matter of fact, Mr. Federer squandered 5 match points before he finally converted. I do not know what he was trying to prove other than give his fanz near heart failure. D’Joker well was all over the place in the beginning but finally honed it in and took firm control of the match. D’Joker: 7-6 6-3 6-1; Mr. Federer 6-2 7-5 6-3. Mr. Federer in particular has his work cut out for him as he has Beast Boy Del Potro and Lurch in his quarter. Mr. Federer better be thanking his lucky stars as David Nalbandian who was set to play him in the 2nd round lost his 1st round match. Nalbandian has given the Swiss a lot of trouble so he’ll be have to thank that lucky star.

D’Joker Harlequeen

D’Joker’s countryman Viktor Troicki (28) looked for a minute like he was going home but he pulled it through defeating resident hottie here at Realz, Thomaz Bellucci. He will join Berdych (7th seed) who knocked out Israeli Dudi Sela, Andrea Seppi (22nd seed), Milos Raonic aka Dennis the Menace, John Isner (10th seed) and another American Brian Baker into the 2nd round. Seppi knocked out Nikolay Davydenko 2-time semifinalist here and Baker took out X-tra X-large Xavier Malisse. Just a matter of interest here, Lytton Hewitt, former number 1 lost today to an Argentine qualifier. Mr. Hewitt should just retire or go manage rude @$$ Tomic (25th seed) who won his match today incidentally. Anyway, that is about it in terms of important matches. Day 3 tomorrow should see the completion of the remaining first round matches.

Hey Hewitt, you shouldn’t be wiping your face with the towel, you should be throwing it in

You’re looking at daddy fat! Whenever men have children, the battle of the bulge begin moving upwards

Yeah, just back your shite up and get out of here

Excuse me m’am are you an athlete?

Alberta Brianti ….I think they made a mistake, Albert Brian. I mean seriously, what’s going on in Italy with the ladies…I mean Schiabone and now Albert Brian.

This is Lurch!

This is Lurch’s girlfriend: Here is a girl who models and doesn’t eat

Not Lurch’s girlfriend: Here is a girl who eats and cannot model at all! WTF are you wearing Bethanie? Did you just mug some homeless person?

Antiperspirant sweetie or change during the change over! Ehhh Moaning Mona Barthel

Hmm I am not cute but I am a very sweet girl!



  1. Pure delight! Your witticisms and moniker portmonteaus are a scream.

    • Why thank you Ms. Leathuh! You know how much I value the comments of my realz fanz! However, I know you are venturing in these parts because of a certain incentive. No shade! Do what you got to do to stay a head in the game. All puns intended.

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