2012 French Open: Day 3

In Andy Murray, Angelique Kerber, Caroline Wozniacki, Christina McHale, David Ferrer, Donald Young, Francesca Schiavone, French Open, Janko Tipsarevic, Maria Sharapova, Mikhail Youzhny, Milos Raonic, Nicolas Mahut, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Serena Williams, Tennis, Virginie Razzano on May 30, 2012 at 7:55 am

And the Serenanator’s batteries are draining!

What a day! What a day! O What a day! Who would have thought or even predicted this outcome. The Serenanator was knocked out of the 1st round of a major by the likes of Virginie Razzano? Really? 6-4 6-7 3-6! The Serenanator was 2 points from victory and let it slip away. I knew the demons might resurface despite her coming into the French with excellent preparation. But I did not think they would appear so early. Unfortunately, this frantic-form Serenanator is becoming all too common place in majors. 2012 Australian Open, 2011 US Open, 2011 Wimbledon and 2009 US Open. It is almost like an alien force takes over and the Serenanator is making errors left, right and center. At times, it looks like some cruel puppetmaster took over discombobulating the 13-time major champion.

Like I know what the fcuk went on out there! You saw the match, you tell me? And wouldn’t you know who was there?

Frigging Eva Asderaki. I’m about to get a restraining order because this is getting ridiculous now. Eva: Let’s see who is ugly on the inside now?

This is definitely not the Serenanator that the world has come to respect. Nevertheless, the Serenanator should not feel any shame in this loss. All of the greats have suffered surprising first round defeats (Steffi, Navratilova, Hewitt, Federer, Hingis even her sister Ebony Starr). However, Serenanator, I do offer you this bit of advice, you need to talk to a sports psychologist about this issue. What I am seeing on court is totally a psychological issue and not a physical one. I am not sure if anger is making you lose focus or perhaps you are choking on the big stage (as improbable as that may seem) or your layoff from that injury created bigger self-doubt that we could imagine. Whatever the issue, you are a brilliant tennis player and there are majors left within you. So please, get this bit sorted out quickly. I know how disheartening this is for you because you wanted this so badly. Nothing in life is guaranteed though. Simply play tennis and find the joy for still being in the game.

An ecstatic Virginie Razzano. Congratulations on your win!

Anyway in other results, Francisco Schiabone (14) is back at her favourite tournament, the French Open. The 2010 champ faced off against another “old foot” Kimiko Date-Krumm aka Granny Goodness. In some respects, I was hoping that this match would be interesting but it really was not. The Italian came through 6-3 6-1. Schiabone is coming off a recent tournament win in Strasbourg and is certainly playing herself into form.

Can she make it to her 3rd consecutive French Open final?

Another major winner, reigning Wimbledon champ Kvitova aka GHW (Grand High Witch) looked to have found herself as she dismissed her opponent 6-1 6-2. GHW seemed to have been under a spell as of late, losing inexplicably in tournaments and despite being Number 4 in the world, she has not been in a single final for the year. Also looking impressive was Shriekapova whose odds of winning this thing increased ten folds with the Serenanator gone. She just ripped her opponent 6-0 6-0. Danish Biscuit looked solid as well as she moved through to the 2ndround just dropping a game. Krazilenko (16) won as did Kaia Kanepi aka Telly Monster’s sister, Heather Watson of Great Britain (I really hope she can build her game up to be a contender in the future), the German Julia Goerges (25) and Anastasia Fattychunkova (22) of Russia.

Au revoir Serenanator!

Now while I have a few moments here, I just want to single out a loser here at the French, that being Anna Keothavong of Great Britain. Now, for diehard tennis fanz, the name Keothavong may sound familiar to you because you are thinking of James Keothavong who incidentally is Anna’s big brother. Now Anna has been a regular feature on TV. Mind you, we are spared full coverage of her matches but interestingly enough, she is always mentioned in highlight reels. I think it has more to do with her looks than say her tennis.

Chair Umpire James Keothavong

Anna Keothavong

Anna has played in 20 major main draws and won a total of 6 singles matches. Unfortunately, this was not 6 matches in a row and she has only won two matches in a row ONCE! She gets a wild card into Wimbledon for over a decade if I am mistake and I has won something like 3 matches there. In doubles, she has played 15 doubles tournament at majors and won two matches but I am not even going to judge her on that because she had help being sucky at tennis. The reason why I am talking about Anna is because I want her to stop playing tennis. Really! Rarely do I tell people to give up your passion. I want to make an exception here and beg Ms. Keothavong to consider a career change. See, the thing is that it is not like she does well on the tour and perhaps just choke at majors. Nope! The truth is, she has been most successful at majors because she makes more money there. It is just that Anna Keothavong sucks at tennis. Well actually no, I suck at tennis. Anna Keothavong sucks at professional tennis. Wimbledon some years ago decided that they were not going to give her a wildcard into the tournament. They cited her lack of success at the tournament and felt that they had extended more than enough consideration to Ms. Keothavong in hopes that she can win some matches at the tournament. However, since she was not winning anything, they wanted to give it to someone else. Of course, Ms. Keothavong got mad and I believe in the end, she got it. She lost 1st round if I am not mistaken. If I am wrong though, she did not win more than a match that year. My real point is that Anna Keothavong just need to get her life together and either decide if she is going to be committed to the sport and make a last charge for self-respect, or just get the hell off the tour to allow a new crop of players to come throu. It is just ridiculous. Granny Goodness Krumm is doing a lot better than Ms. Keothavong. And what gets to me the most is that every major after she is just dispatched, she gives this sick puppy smile as if to say, “I tried my best.” NO you did not. You are wasting people’s time here. Maybe you should follow in your brother’s footsteps. Anyway enough about this loser.

Just pack your shite and go! Looking like a bloody canary!

On the men’s side, Divadal came out blazing! The three clay court tournaments he won this season really kicked up his energy level as he is firing on all cylinders in Paris. He took out his Italian opponent 6-2 6-2 6-1 and the truth is that he has looked the most impressive of the top 4! None of them look as in form as the Spaniard and if the finals were to be played today, Divadal will beat the other top players back to back to back.

Divadal is just slaying opponents on court

Anyway, speaking of top players, Lochness Monster took out his opponent quite easily 6-1 7-5 6-0. Other winners include Richard Gasquet (17), Baby Jesus Juan Monaco (13), Sexsarevic (8) aka Janko Tipsaveric, Fiery Ferrer (6) and Mikhail Youzhny (27) who took out James Blake in straight sets (I was not aware that Loser Blake was still playing tennis. I assumed that he had quietly retired from the sport).

I didn’t even know he was still around!

Some interesting results. Grigor Delicious Dimitrov took on Delicio Young. This was a tough one for me to route for as I think they are both delectable. Anyway, Delicious Dimitrov took out Young in straight sets 7-6 6-1 6-1. Young really needs to get his game up to the next level and real fast too. He can be delightful to watch. Anywho BWLLAGWLLAB (16) lost to his countryman Sergiy Stakhovsky in 5 sets. Meanwhile, Ivo Karlovic who statistically has the best serve in the history of tennis, lost to Eduardo Schwank of Argentina. Now it is not the fact that he lost but the fact that there was no tie break her in any of the sets and got bagelled. 4-6 0-6 3-6! Anyway, this concludes Day 3 action. I mean my head is still reeling after the fact that the Serenanator is gone! WTF? This might prove an ominous sign for this French Open for sure.



Don’t need a translator to say that this is just hotness! Sexsarevic!

Yummy Young!

Delicious Dimitrov

Krazilenko might not be all there but she is krazy hot

Oh Bolelli you have bowled me over


And someone just unleashed with the ugly stick on this one…Look away look away

It’s a good thing you cannot see her face completely. It is not a sight for sore eyes

What a handsome girl

You think you are hot but you are not. Stop saying what I say. You’re ugly! Stop it! You’re son/boyfriend a douche! Bitch!

Mixed Bag

I am about to beat a itch down out here! (Serenanantor, I don’t want to upset you anymore than you already are but the I’m not feeling the outfit. You look like a Girl’s Scout chocolate mint cookie. Just one of the many things that wasn’t working for you out there.)

You all can just kiss my @$$

Siblings?? Razzano

And Marcos Fatdatis

Get your balls out of my face

Tweety bird!

Skeet! Skeet! I make it rain

All Divadal fans be talking about this ass more so than his tennis leads me to believe that we can conclude that this is indicative of his personality, No?



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