Archive for June, 2012|Monthly archive page

Wimbledon 2012: The epic 4th Day

In Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Angelique Kerber, Christina McHale, David Ferrer, David Goffin, Fernando Verdasco, Francesca Schiavone, Grigor Dimitrov, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kei Nishikori, Kim Clijsters, Klara Zakopolova, Lukas Rosol, Marcos Baghdatis, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Milos Raonic, Nadia Petrova, Nicolas Almagro, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Sara Errani, Serena Williams, Tennis, Tsvetana Pironkova, Varvara Lepchenko, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 29, 2012 at 8:50 am

Gurl, Centre Court was on fire! I was having volcano flashes up in there

Had they told me before the match begun, I would have called them a liar, a fool and a down right tennis dunce. However, like we always say here at RealzTenisFanz, the game is won and lost on the field and not on paper. That Lukas Rosol had even a sliver of a chance to beat Lord Clay Divadal (I think I rather call him Lord Clay Divadal instead of Lord Dirt Divadal) was improbable if not impossible. Nonetheless, anyone who bet on Rosol yesterday, though initially seen as a mad man, he left the evening a very rich man. This was the 2nd round of Wimbledon and Divadal is not going to be in the 3rd round as Lukas Rosol simply dismantled him on the court 6-7 6-4 6-4 2-6 6-4. Yes it was 5 sets but nothing about that match was a contest for Divadal. Rosol had a game plan and he executed it to perfection. This is monumental, this was an epic match and instantly will become a classic for the ages. Hard to imagine that one of the top 4 and even more surprising, the top 2 will not be in the 2nd week of a major. Rosol, ranked 100th, came onto Centre Court to face a tennis god but showed that he was a titan. His nerves were steely, his forehand rock solid and that serve, it was simply a precious gem. Divadal had never been treated with such disrespect in his life. At no point in the match did it occur to Rosol to lay down and die as so many men on tour are apt to do when facing one of the Fourhorse Men of Apocalypse. To be fair though, the top 4 are really that good.

This is not happening right now! When I count to 3, I am going to disappear!

In the 1st set, Divadal broke early to go up 3-2 but Rosol broke back immediately and perhaps then, we knew the Czech meant business. They held serve to go into a tiebreaker, which in and of itself was epic but Divadal was able to close it out 11-9 and bag the 1st set. One felt like this was going to turn into another Thomaz Bellucci match where the player has a good start but cannot sustain the momentum and then gets whitewashed.

In your face mofo!!

However, Rosol broke Divadal at love in the very first game back as Divadal double faulted on break point. Rosol would hold serve for the rest of the set NEVER facing break point taking it 6-4. What is remarkable is the fact that he did a similar thing in the 3rd set; break early and hold serve  to close out the set 6-4. Divadal never had a break point…I doubt he even got any games to deuce. Fans at home watching or following on twitter or even following on RealzTenisFanz facebook page were at a standstill. I mean the Lochness Monster vs Ivo the Giant provided a lot of tension and drama already added to that that there were several other men’s matches that were proving to be watch worthy because NO ONE imagined that Rosol could really pull this off. Beat Lord Clay Divadal, 2 time Wimbledon champ in the 2nd round? NEVER. Divadal was mad, she was angry, she damn near had a BF (bitch fit) on court. Who the fcuk do you think you are Rosol? She rolled on the ground, she complained to the chair umpire that Rosol was being noisy and making distracting movements.

She was a hot mess out there. Divadal you flexible! Gurl, we do not carry on like this on Centre Court. Look at that face….you know them legs be up like antennas when Mrs. Monadal comes around!

There is a pain, in my brain…why won’t it rain because I am going down the drain

She gritted and grunted…she even bumped into Rosol a la Irina Spirlea at the 97 US Open versus our own Russ Troll Venus Williams and we all know how that ended. Ebony Starr crushed that skank and moved on to her 1st US Open final. Divadal was losing dirty. No bueno for a Lady of your standing Divadal. No muy bueno. Nevertheless, in the end, Divadal was down 2-1 sets and she had to get it to a 5 setters in order to move on. I think what was even more disastrous in her mind was the fact that she almost lost in straight sets. But Divadal is a Dragon and is not easily slayed.

I’m sorry…Bitch!
Spanish Skank!

In the 4th set, Divadal was on fire. Snapped popped and crackled her way to break Rosol 2 times, something he had not done since the 1st set. She had the 4th 6-2 and they play in the 5th. And then, the organizers decided to close the roof and put the Diva in a box. Oh no…no no no no no….. the diva got mad but she dared not get bad because men are walking a very thin line right about now because of silly Nalbandian’s crazy behaviour couple of weeks ago. She had to simmer and stew out there as there was a near half an hour delay to close the roof and get the AC on…you know how Europeans are kinda anti anti-perspirant. I jest! I jest! Anyway, it would have been hotter than a mofo up in there so they had to get the air on. Divadal was not liking that. Anyway, they got things on the way again. I sat with bated breath because I thought for sure, the Divadal Dragon was going to take the nuclear option and just blaze his way through to the end.

Divadal the Dragon rose up

However, it was not to be. Rosol went back to the original scripts of the 2nd and 3rd set; break Divadal early and hold serve. And that he did. In the very 1st game, Divadal was broke and she was fuming. She had committed no errors in the 4th and now things were back where they were early in the match; Rosol was dictating play. Divadal got things to 4-5 and one though…NO WAY that Rosol can close this one out… the Choker express will soon be boarding and Rosol will be chief engineer but at 5-4! Rosol got things underway with a BOMB of an Ace in Divadal’s face. 15-0. He missed his 1st serve but found his 2nd serve and went with a ferocious forehand to go 30-0. The crowd was out of control and commentators were at a lost to find words to describe this moment. It was near pandemonium when Rosol aced Divadal again and was at 40-0; triple match point! Then Rosol ACED Divadal for the 22nd time and take the match. All hell broke loose! This was good… this was very very good.

This is not happening!

i am FABULOUS bitches!!!

Take your handbag and get outta here! A Diva Dejected

Now understand I am not excited because Divadal lost and I am not his greatest fan. I am happy because it broke up the monotony of the same players coming into the semifinals. It may be that one of the other three might win this thing but at least, the chances of the other players winning a major has increased. Adios Divadal. Now you can go back home and watch Spain take on Italy in Euro final. Also you have a 2nd chance as the Olympics are coming to Wimbledon in three weeks’ time. You will be all right. Humble pie can be delicious with a nice cup of calming tea and you would be all right.

Lochness Monster clawed his way into the 3rd

Anyway, this is not even the only match that was played. Things are very hot and heated right now between Ivo the Giant aka Ivo Karlovic of Croatia and Wimbledon. He played their favoured son Lochness Monster and got called for 11 double faults. Now, Ivo is a serving monster. This mofo can serve for his motherfcuking life. He pays his rent with the number of aces he get per match/per tournament. Now, Ivo claims that whenever he held the advantage, they would call a foot fault and many, the calls were very suspect. Ivo lost 5-7 7-6 2-6 6-7 and Lochness Monster moves on and is heavily favoured to make it to the finals since Divadal got bounced out of the tournament. Now, I want to say this and I have been saying this since US Open 2009. The tennis organizers need to have cameras on court so that players can challenge foot faults. It is ridiculous to think that you can have the balls being questioned and not whether your foot crossed the line. The umpire is hardly looking at their feet and once that foot fault call has been made, the players are screwed. It cannot be challenged and you are at a disadvantage.

WTF?? WTMFF?? Do I need to bring my club to these matches

When the Serenanator when into her court rage at the linesjudge, she was right. She did not foot fault and what is even worse, the linesjudge did not lose their job. In FIFA (football or soccer head body) if the officials are fcuking up, they are sent home. No questions asked. It is high time tennis gets it act together. The same chair umpires are circulating and they have been many many many egregious officiating and nothing is done about the matter. People ignore them and claim that the bad calls even out throughout the match…BULLSHIT in the highest degree. The game should be played fairly and squarely. You win what you earned. The winner is decided by a point…the match point and tennis is a high mental sport. Bad calls change the players’ attitude on court. They feel slightest and stop relying on muscle memory to focus on every aspect of their game which often times, severely throw them off their original game play. ITF/WTA/ATP, cameras for freaking cheap. Stop this shite show. Get the challenge system on every court that is being used for the tournament and also get challenge system for foot fault. STOP with this guidelines bullshit and get actual rules including for time violations.

Prince Ali, fabulous he…

All for you babe

Anyway, other winners include Jo-Willi Tsonga aka Baby Ali who had to get it done in 4 sets as did Del Potro who apparently took a mental stroll in the 3rd set but closed it out against Go Soeda of Japan. Fiery Ferrer also won his match as did Kei Nishikori, American Brian Baker who is showing himself to be a reliable American male player, Frodo Goffin, Mardy former Whale Fish who dropped the ball big time in the 4th set but was able to pull it out in the 5th against British hopeful James Ward 6-3. Malisse did the world a favour by knocking out Gilles Simon in straight sets 6-4 6-4 7-6. Simon has made himself a target with his recent comments about men should be paid higher than women. I have an interesting take on this subject but right now, I cannot discuss as I am way behind again. Tabasco Verdasco is finding success here on grass unlike his recent clay court season. He moves onto the 3rd round as is Marin Cilic, Philipp Kohlschreiber who will play Rosol in the 3rd round and Alejandro Fall who again played another 5th set to move to the 3rd round. American Andy Roddick aka Mr. Brooklyn Decker 3 time Wimbledon finalist (2004-2005, 2009) also won in straight sets. He is a very dangerous floater. This might be his last Wimbledon in case you did not know and he would love to go out with a Wimbledon trophy. Unfortunately, my boo Delicitrov pulled out yet again of a tournament giving former Wimbledon semifinalist in 2006 if I am not mistaken, Fatdatis a chance to equal that performance.

You poor sweet thing… I will give you a rub down and you’ll be happy in the end

Undoubtedly, the ladies could not provide anywhere near this sort of excitement that the men produced. Shriekapova who had to finish up her 2nd round match, dropped the 2nd set 6-7 and you thought that Pironkova was going to make things interesting in the 3rd. However, the only thing that was interesting was what she was going to have on her bagel. Shriekapova moved on 7-6 6-7 6-0. I do not know why she even bothered to waste the Russian’s time by taking the 2nd set. Anyway, Kvitova won her match knocking out Elena Baltacha of England 6-0 6-4.

GWH is lurking in the dark ready to cast a spell on anyone in her path

Heather Watson remains the only British gal in the draw by making the 3rd round and she is not going to the Olympics. The Serenanator sunk Melanie Czink as did Lucic who took out Fatoli in straight sets. Carebear Kerber and fellow German Julia Goerges also won. Vickie who has been relatively quiet this tournament also won her match. Shvedova, Wickmayer, Zakopalova, Ivanovic the Terrible, Sara Alien v Predator Head, Schiabone, Fatrova and Paszek also moved on. Former Wimbledon semifinalist Zheng Jie also moves on as did Roberta Vinci and Christina McHale and fellow American Varvara Lepchenko.

Gurl your make up is fabulous! Who put it on, Bozo the clown?

Some very interesting matches coming up…The conclusion of the Raonic vs Querry match…ACES GALORE! Mommie Dearest vs Vera Zvonareva, Bratzwanska vs Heather Watson, Almagro vs Gasquet (battle of the one handed backhand) Carebear vs McHale, Stephens vs Lisicki and Troicki vs Mrs. Monadal.  DON’T FORGET TO SPREAD THE WORLD ABOUT REALZ!!!


Hey gurl meet my boy toy! Rrrrrrr

Next time I have to bring my clutch…I can’t handle these handles on this murse!

This went from this…

To this… hmmmm how you doing?

To this… and we all know what’s going to happen next… gaynesia


Wimbledon 2012: Day 3

In Ana Ivanovic, Andy Roddick, Arantxa Rus, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, Dominika Cibulkova, Janko Tipsarevic, Kim Clijsters, Klara Zakopolova, Li Na, Maria Sharapova, Milos Raonic, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Sorana Cirstea, Wimbledon on June 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

By the end of the 3rd day today, Wimbledon is severely behind schedule. They barely completed all of the 1st round matches day and there is still 2nd round matches to be completed when a fair amount of the athletes are already in the 3rd round. They spent all that money and only put roof on one court bearing in mind that of all the playing surfaces at majors, this is the only one where play cannot even continue for a point when the first drops of rain fall. However, it is not for me to question the rationale of Wimbledon. I am merely fanz; what do I know? Anyway let’s get to the results…

We might need some refreshments soon!

Mr. Federer came out in most splendid form against the Italian Fognini and I almost want to believe that Mr. Federer can take this crown. It has been three years since he has won Wimbledon and over year since he been to a major final or over 2 years since he won one. This might be ripe for the picking. The Swiss dispatched Fognini 6-1 6-3 6-2 in about an hour and 12 minutes. The world’s number one, playing the last match of the day because of the rain, seemingly struggled against American Ryan Harrison 6-4 6-4 6-4. I do not know about anyone else but the Serb is looking less and less invincible these days. He is making his effort look like work whereas in Lord Dirt Divadal and Mr. Federer’s days of glory, they were crushing lesser men like ants beneath their feet. He, on the other hand is all over the place. His year has not been stellar and though he is winning match, he is definitely going about it the long way and might lose his top ranking should Mr. Federer win the title. However, we are far off from the finals. There are a lot of matches to be played.

He even falls gracefully!

Janko Tipsarevic who I commonly refer to as Sexarevic might be getting a name change. I have been informed by a fanz no less, that he is not a fan of the gays. Oh No Janko! No bueno indeed. I sorta think this is rather rich of Mr. Tipsarevic especially since he is always hanging off D’Joker d!*% but you did not hear that from me. Anyway, he won his match in 4 sets. He is really trying to be a permanent feature of the top ten but I fear that that is far as he will go. This Serb does not have what it takes to get to the top 6 much more really be a contender for majors  Also winning in 4 sets were Juan Monaco and Nicolas Almagro.Richard Gasquet won his match and will join his countryman Julien Benneteau in the 3rd round.

Ruben Bemelsman from Belgium lost to Gasquet… let’s take a moment to ponder on this phyne specimen and look upon his name because I sure would be his man any day of the week

In uncompleted 1st round matches, David Ferrer took out Dustin Brown of German in straight sets 7-6 6-4 6-4. Now I do not have anything against Mr. Brown…as a matter of fact, I follow him on Twitter and this is the source of my grievance. Now, after his lost, he took to Twitter as if he were spreading the gospel. I got to know everything he was about to do. He felt good that he lost in straight sets he said and then began retweeting all the nonsensical tweets from others. I figured he had won a set or something….really Dustin. You can do better than that. You lost in the first round of the tournament. I guess he is happy that this was an actual tour level tournament and not some challenger or satellite event. He is moving on to doubles where I am sure he will also lose in the 1st round. Anywho, I digress. Milos Raonic aka Dennis the Menace also won as did Jurgen Meltdown Melzer who took out Swiss’s Stanislav Wawrinka in 5 sets 8-6 in the 5th. Ivo Karlovic moved on to the 2nd round as Victor Troicki found himself in yet another 5set match and was again able to win it to move on to the 3rd round. Ernests Gulbis who upset the 7th seed Tomas Berdych lost in the 2nd round 7-9 in the 5th set to Jerzy Janowicz of Poland. There goes that potential unfulfilled like I figured.

boo, you didn’t win. So stop tweeting about losing!

On the women’s side, the biggest “shocker” of the day was Danish Biscuit crumbling yet again early in a major when Tamira Paszek won 5-7 7-6 6-4. Coming into the grass court season which in essence started two weeks ago, Paszek had won two matches for the year. Yep 2 as in the number after 1 and before 3. Now, she picked up the Eastbourne title beating Fatoli in the final and in the 2nd round of Wimbledon after knocking out the 7th seed. Danish Biscuit said in her press conference that Paszek got “lucky” and of course the press let that go. Had it been one of the Williams sisters to have used that word in the press conference, the story would have been different.

Gosh darn it. She got lucky to save two match points. Lady Luck you sure not playing nice tonight

But anyway, it is laughable that the Dane is speaking of luck in such low regard because the fact of the matter is that she is the one who was lucky. Her style of play though paltry, allowed her to rise to number one in the world. She has not one single weapon of worth in her arsenal and this year has been struggling mightily. She said her disgustingly public relationship with Rory Mcilory is not to be blamed for this “slump.” Meanwhile he has failed to make the final cut in 4 of his last 5 tournaments. Yes, you are right Danish Biscuit, it is not to be blamed in the least. Do not forget that he already has a major and you do not. I am so over the Danish Biscuit and her camp nonsense. They continue to be blind to her weaknesses but they shall soon learn that the tour has no use for weaklings and very soon Danish Biscuit will be struggling to stay in the top 20 and float around with the likes of Fivehead Jungle Witch Jankovic.

Lucky you lost. You can go meet Rory to wish him luck at his next tournament

Clijsters aka Mommie Dearest is looking to be in form or at least her “health” is holding up thus far. She moves through to the 3rd round with a straight sets victory. Joining her would be Krazilenko, Sara Errani (through to the 2nd round) and Vera Zvonavera. Other winners included Heather Watson of Britain (who will not play Olympic singles but doubles…really England?) as she took out American Jaime Lee Hampton, Bratzwanska over Vesnina and Julia Georges over Shahar Peer. They all won in straight sets. Camila Giorgi who took out Flavia Penne Pasta in the 1st round, made great opportunity of her win and moved through to the 3rd round, also in straight sets. Sloane Stephens also through to the 3rd round as is Sabine Lisicki. Ivanovic The Terrible won her 1st round match though she made sloppy work of it playing Maria Jose Martinez-Sanchez or as a fanz is so quick to refer to her as, “Dirty Sanchez” My word…these fanz can be quite vicious when given half a chance.

Yeah Ivanovic the Terrible won a match!

Someone called the repairman because this stove is broken

There were several upsets though in truth one might see them quite differently. Sam Stosur aka D’Stove made another early exit from a major. The 5th seed lost to Aranxta Rus 2-6 6-0 4-6 as she felt the disdain that the Dutch has for current US Open winner a la 2010 when Rus just dismantled Mommie Dearest in the 2nd round of the French. Rus is really finding her stride as of late.

Pretty perfect today!

LiNaLi, the 11th seed lost again early, this time to Soriana Cirstea aka Draculetta 6-3 6-4. The Chinese has really lost the plot since her 2011 French Open title. Very disappointing if I do say so myself. 2012 French Open quarterfinalist, Dominika Cibuttkova, the 13th seed, lost to perhaps another rising star Klara Zakopalova (the only person to take a set off Shriekapova at the French) 6-4 6-1. For loyal fanz, Granny Goodness Date-Krumm lost her 1st round match as well.

I left my game back in China.

Draculetta sunk into LiNaLi and drained her on court

Your highness and bitchress this way please! M’am mind you don’t trip over your sagging sacks. Might I suggest a different brasserie? One that actually lifts and separates?

Are you a Negress? I have never been this close to a person of colour. How absolutely fascinating.

And you say you look like this because you work out at the gym? Oh Charley poo…Boo, you gonna get you some of those P90X videos or mamma might be leaving for a buff man.

Yeah, we have been getting complaints. We want you to shut your bloody pie hole you screaming banshie!!

Realz you can talk smack all you want….my manz be blinging me out…what do you have? Just like I thought…nothing… Don’t hate the playa because this fat gurl can werq it.

I am rarely ever impressed with most tennis players shirtless pic… Exhibit A

Exhibit B. You better put that shirt back on

Now these are BODIES… Aussie swim team…at least some of them but that’s more than enough for me. They’re giving me Olympic fever!!!!

Yes m’am you werq the shore! Werq! Werq! Show us those water pumps!

Wimbledon 2012: Day 2

In Andy Murray, Bernard Tomic, David Goffin, Francesca Schiavone, Grigor Dimitrov, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kei Nishikori, Lleyton Hewitt, Marcos Baghdatis, Mardy Fish, Nicolas Almagro, Rafael Nadal, Robin Haase, Sam Stosur, Serena Williams, Tennis, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 27, 2012 at 6:00 am

Realz coming at your from the grass courts of Wimbledon

There was a contest on Centre Court yesterday between GHW (Grand High Witch) aka Petra Kvitova, reigning Wimbledon ladies champ and Argul Amanmuradova. It was not a beauty contest by any stretch of the imagination but we are not here in England to settle superficial disputes; we are here to play sports. GHW started off badly enough down 1-4. However, she got her life together and won the match 6-4 6-4! Title defense in full effect…and we are back on the broom. Kvitova has not played well on regular tour level events but she has made it to the semis of the last two majors. So she will not be one to slight over at these championships.

Grand High Witch Kvitova

Amanmuradova looking like a dementor with her huge self or perhaps Madame Maxime

Mere happenstance that this famous author is on hand to watch GHW match?…Hmmm

Vera Zvonareva who had to complete her 1st round match today and took out Moaning Mona Barthel 6-4 in the 3rd set. The 2010 Wimbledon finalist is struggling to regain the sort of form that saw her as a regular fixture in the 2nd week at majors. The Serenanator and Vickie also had their 1st round matches today and they both made it look like work. They won the 1st comfortably but in the 2nd they were struggling though they both won it 6-4. I for one think Vickie should go back to her shorts and the Serenanator, hopefully she saw a shrink or some exorcist to help deal with the demons that run amok in her life as of late.

The Serenanator trying to find her way back to major winning form

Other winners include, Schiabone who found herself in a tough battle against British youngster, Laura Robson. And speaking of British ladies, Anne Keaothavong won another match 6-3 6-3. Finally! Apparently, my lil rant during the French Open help or perhaps, it is the Olympics coming to town that has these British gals trying to give the home crowd something to cheer about as Elena Baltacha also won. Both Baltacha and Keaothavong got wild card entrants into the Olympics games. Personally, I would have given one of those wild cards to Heather Watson and the other perhaps to Robson. I think Watson is the only one of the British gals who appear as though their main interest is tennis.

Yeah I finally won a match at a major this year

Aleksandra Wozniak aka Cookie Monster’s lil sister won as did Fattychunkova, Fatoli who is definitely losing weight, American Christina McHale who is never trustworthy with a lead but found a way to win today. She will join fellow American Lepchenko and Wickmayer who beat Kuzi-Rex. Now, you know I am not a huge fan of Kuzi-Rex but I do not hate her. However, she really gets me mad. I do not understand why it is that she is playing so poorly as of late. There is no effort on her part these days and it is really disgusting to see a two time major winner who is not suffering from any known aliments, act as though she just got on the tour. Really disappointing.

Hmmm I change my mind… he looks more like an ostrich and they got small brains but he might do in a pinch. It looks like something milky is leaking out of your mouth…hmmm

On the men’s side, well things started to get interesting when Thomaz Bellucci raced off to a 4-0 lead over Lord Dirt Divadal. The Brazilian is a brilliant young talent but you know how these young guns often times shoot blanks. No sooner did Beaulucci (I saw recent pictures of him and I am not so sure I am feeling him much anymore. I will pass!) anyway… no sooner did Bellucci get the double break than he gifted them right back to Divadal. He was able to push to a tiebreaker where the shite show continued. Bellucci did not win a single point in the tiebreaker and only won 5 more games for the rest of the match. Divadal 7-6 6-2 6-3. Now it might seem that Divadal has fashioned himself Bjorg hier apparent and takes Wimbledon very seriously. He has made it to the finals 5 times, winning the title twice. He is not here foro shits and giggles and he intends to lay waste to all who comes in his way. D’Joker Harlequeen is no longer the threat that he was last year. In their last 4 meetings, Divadal won 3 of them albeit they were all on clay. Nonetheless, he is looking for his 12th major title and perhaps closing in on Mr. Federer’s record 16.

Lord Dirt Divadal with his face all contorted as though he has muscular dystrophy.

Lochness Monster had his 1st round match against the one time top player Nikolay Davydenko. Not so long ago, Davydenko was a feared individual capable of silencing any and all of the top men. Now, he is a mere white shadow of himself, struggling to win tour level matches much more those at majors. Lochness Monster chewed him up 6-1 6-1 6-4. Baby Ali aka Tsonga faced the 2002 Wimbledon champion in Hewitt. However, on the 10th year anniversary of his victory, Baby Ali gave the Australian a gift of time but sending him off in the 1st round for celebrations 6-3 6-4 6-4. And speaking up 2002, Hewitt is currently ranked 202 and I believe, with lost, he might be playing challengers next week. Perhaps he might consider retiring and helping Beth with the kids. In any case, most fanz would not miss him…I know I won’t. He could also mentor that hog of a child in Bernard Tomic. Someone needs to reign in that douchebag before he spills all over the place.

Lochness Monster thinks this might be the year for him!

And speaking of the idiot, he played David Goffin, the very same one who gave Mr. Federer all sorts of trouble at the French. Tomic won the 1st set 6-3 but from then all, the Hobbit worked his magic and claimed the next three 6-3 6-4 6-4. With these Aussie losses, it means no Australian man is in the 2nd round of a major. I believe that may not have ever happened… LOL actually, it has not happened in a long long time. However, before I got on a rampage on Australian tennis, consider that the US hardly has any strong male contenders these days and Switzerland only in essence have Mr. Federer and Fatanka. I think Australia is struggling with its own history and they should consider addressing this problem more proactively instead of hoping for the next Laver or Rafter to rise up out of the rashes of their once former tennis empire.

B gurl, might I suggest a cup because you surely need to tuck. I can offer you a thimble because from the looks of things, we all know you are not nimble. At first I thought it was a tick then I realise, boy it’s your dick. It won’t take long because gurl…you sure ain’t hung..looks more like you got stung! So put your dong in a thong because we don’t want to see it around.

Beast Boy Del Potro won his match as did Delicious Dmitriov. Marin Cilic, Fatdatis, Dolgopolov aka BWLLAGWLLAB, Nieminen who took out the hotness in FeFe Lopez, Mardy Fish, Kei Nishikori, Nicolas Almagro and Philipp Kohlschreiber who took out Tommy Haas, 2012 Halle winner over Mr. Federer, in 5 sets. So all in all, this day did not really see any major upsets like the 1st day did. The usual suspects are through to the 2nd round and still the 3rd day is set to start and all the 1st round matches have not been completed.

Oh delish Dimi

My word… I need to learn Spanish… FeFe Lopez is definitely incentive enough… Muy muy bueno y caliente

You just want one night with me? For realz, I would turn your world upside down!

When will Wimbledon learn about scheduling in light of the fact that matches are getting longer and the slightest bit of rain halt matches completely? These majors are overdoing a good joke but we do not have time for this right about now. Do not forget to comment and spread the word about us.

Is this Mirka with another man? Scandal! Scandal! While Mr. Federer is off on the practice courts, you shacking up with some man who reeks of poverty. Skank!

What do you mean I can’t change my bra on court? I am motherfcuking Lord Dirt Divadal. I can do whatever I want.

Look at that beautiful uncomfortable smile. D’Stove as always looking like she’s about to take a shite…

I’m sorry I can’t hear you. Some man is cursing me out…

Yes I am talking to you, you stinking motherfcuker with the purse. Turn off your fcuking phone when I am playing. I’ll whip my dcik out and bitch slap you with it.

Wimbledon 2012: Day 1

In Agnes Radwanska, Angelique Kerber, Arantxa Rus, Carla Suarez Narravo, Fernando Verdasco, Flavia Pennetta, Janko Tipsarevic, Jelena Jankovic, John Isner, Juan Monaco, Kim Clijsters, Melanie Oudin, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Richard Gasquet, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Slaone Stephens, Tomas Berdych, Tsvetana Pironkova, Venus Williams, Wimbledon on June 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Well the 1st day of Wimbledon 2012 has been completed and in an effort to not get behind, we will get right to the action. I am not sure if there is anything that needs to be mention other than. Check out RealzTenisFanz on Twitter, Facebook as well as COMMENT on the blog! Yes spread the word. I am also looking for a logo/design or some insignia. The only sort of art I can create usually end up looking like fart. Nonetheless, I really think we could do with a cool design. So if you know anyone, I welcome submissions. Of course, I cannot pay you but you will be featured forever on the website.

Yeah gurl for realz! They need a logo so if you know someone who knows someone who knows someone, let them know and send submissions. Might make a contest out of it!

So to the tennis:
Let’s start off with the men’s

Don’t hate me cause I got the walk that everyone talks about!

Defending Champion D’Joker Harlequeen got things off against Juan Carlos Ferrero, 2003 French Open Champion and 2003 US Open runner-up. When last we saw the Serb, he was reeling from that French Open loss to Lord Dirt Divadal. Now, in that final, his serve failed him miserably. It was almost appalling to think that he had got that far with such little effort. However, at the start of these championships, he looked rather stellar in the serving department. Now, JC Ferrero aka Ferrero Rocher, as aptly named by one of the fanz, is a mere shadow of his former self and grass was never his favourite surface. I secretly think that Ferrero Rocher’s problem is that he felt that he was the original Spanish Diva until that usurper in Lord Dirt Divadal came along. His career took a dive because of his inner struggles with envious demons but that is just me. Do not go spreading this around. Ferrero Rocher was a major talent back in the days and he was one of the first Spanish guys who were willing to learn to play on other surfaces other than clay. Anyhow, we are digressing and we are already behind. Anyway, D’Joker did not waste much time in dispatching him 6-3 6-3 6-1.

6 feet of Spanish chocolate with nut all over it 🙂 Mmm Mmm good! Ferrero Rocher

Mr. Federer was looking like every bit the 6 time Wimbledon champion that he is with a 6-1 6-1 6-1 victory over Spanish lefty Albert Ramos. If only Mr. Federer dismissed all Spanish lefty in this manner. These championships, I think will be very monumental in Mr. Federer’s legacy. I am afraid this might be the only legitimate chance he has of winning another major crown. He is a strong number 3 in the world; a very formidable opponent. However, he is getting old and his match skills are not as pristine as they were in the past. He commits far too many unforced errors. Nonetheless, if Mr. Federer were to win these championships, he gets back his number one ranking and surpasses Pete Sampras for most weeks at number one. There is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Federer is going for it all this year. He might talk of playing on till 2016 but I doubt that. He should be home with his daughters and so that Mirka can have time to get back to the gym and work out. Perhaps she might consider coming back on the WTA.

Swinging through his match

Anyway, other winners include Richard Gasquet, Xavier Malisse aka X-tra Large, Mikhail Youzhny over American Donald Young, Tabasco Verdasco and Janko Sexarevic who took out David Nalbandian in straight sets. He will join his countryman Troicki who won 8-6 in the 5th set in his first round encounter. Shark Boy Stepanek also won as did Baby Jesus Juan Manaco or should I say, Mrs. Nadalaco. Frenchman Gilles Simon moved on to the 2nd round when his fellow Frenchman Paul-Henri Mathieu pulled out after being down 3-6 4-5. Now, Simon in his press conference had nothing to talk about it seems, so instead of showing off his chicken legs, he showed off his bird brains. He spoke of the fact that he did not think that men and women should be paid the same amount during slams as men are required to play best of 5 sets as oppose to women playing 3.

Oooo brain fart!

Now, I would have given his stance more credence if he himself had completed at least 2 sets to move into the 2nd round. Am I to ask for my money back or halve his prize money because he did not win 3 sets? We are not even going to deal with that right now. What I do not understand is why people are still talking about this. Why at this stage in tennis era is the likes of Simon who is not even a major factor on tour, will chose this sorta forum to talk about this matter. Now, mind you, the ATP has issues that he is ignoring and could be talking about in press conference but instead, he shows himself to be a sexist half-witted tennis player. What is even worse is that even if they were to offer a trillion dollars to the men, Simon is not seeing any of that money. He is as likely to win a major as I am to sprout a vagina. Really I went there.

Pardon me as I say something stupid

If Simon did not have anything intelligent to say, why not just shut his mouth and moved on? Talk about the Olympics etc? I wish the journalist would have shut him up right then and there. However, this is “news” in their mind and they will run with it for the next two weeks. I assure you Simon, news of Shriekapova winning her 4th slam several weeks ago made more headlines than Divadal picking up his 7th French Open title. So, perhaps you should shut your rass and actually learn to play on grass. See this is why people say shite about the French but he is lucky I am not one of those because I know a few choice mots en français for the Frenchman.

Lurch Berdshyte crashes out of a major again in spectacular fashion

Anyway, in an effort to not digress, I will finish giving you the newz. So several big losers were shown on the 1st day including two giants; Tomas Berdych aka Lurch Berdshyte and John Isner aka BFG (Big Friendly Giant). They were both sent packing having come into these championships with some buzz behind them. Lurch lost in straight sets, 3 tiebreakers no less, to Ernests Gulbis, whereas BFG lost to Alejandro Falla who almost knocked Mr. Federer out in the 1st round of Wimbledon in 2010. Falla won 6-4 6-7 3-6 7-6 7-5. Again I am going to say it; BFG needs to learn how to break serve. I am tired of seeing him losing matches in this effort. He has a wonderful serve that much is true. However, his inability to be more aggressive on his return game is really hampering him. I guess the fact that Isner lost, it does not make the fact that James Blake lost as well look so bad. I think this might be the final year for the American. His struggles have been long and arduous. He should bring this one to a close. It is a shame the US are not giving him a spot on the Olympic team when he came so close to winning a medal in Beijing if that cheating skank Fernando Gonzalez had owned up to his folly.

As with those locks, so you should cut off your professional tennis career. Bid it adieu. They were only cute for a minute.

On the ladies side, I guess the biggest news was really that Venus aka Russ Troll lost against Elena Vesnina 1-6 3-6. Now, I am not going to make any excuses for the American who herself said that she is satisfied with her performance though she admitted that she came back too soon. She congratulated the Russian on her victory and got in reporters face when they claimed she was struggling. Russ Troll was not having any of that negativity in her press conference. Anyway, she gets a second chance at life as the US just announced the Olympic team and she and her sister will be entered in both the singles and doubles event.

At least I get free towels.

Shriekapova, fresh off her French Open victory, got through her opponent 6-2 6-3 as did British hopeful Heather Watson. Other winners include Sam Stosur, D’Stove who just dismantled Spaniard Carla Suarez-Navarro. While we are on the subject of Carla, cannot anyone really do something about this child? I have long suggested that they make her grow her hair out as well as add some bows, ribbons and girlish clips to it. However, no one is taking heed. It is really sad to look upon this child. Spain should be ashamed of itself having the men looking far better cared for than its women.

Lady Hobbit

One of the more interesting match ups of the tournament was Mommie Dearest aka Princess Fiona aka Kim Clijsters vs Five Head Jungle Witch Jankovic. Fivehead is struggling to get at least one head in the game as her tennis woos continue. The 18th seed is out and Mommie Dearest goes on to the 2nd round in her quest for her 1st Wimbledon title. She is set to retire once more. This will be her “last” Wimbledon she claims. However, she is still plagued with “injuries”

Mommie Dearest and Fivehead Jungle Witch

Anyway, other winners were Losicki, Krazilenko, Carebear Kerber, Fatrova, Creature Rus, Sloane Stephens, LiNaLi, Pironkova and Draculetta Cirstea. Americans Vania King and Melanie Oudin were knocked out as was 16th seed Flavia Pennetta. Jaime Lee Hampton of the US knocked out Daniella Hepburnova 6-4 7-6. There might be some depth to the American ladies in the next coming years. I almost forgot, Bratzwanska won her match and would have face Russ Troll had she won.

It is a shame you won’t be around Russ Troll because I rather liked this outfit!


Wimbledon 2012 is here!!

In Agnes Radwanska, Ana Ivanovic, Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Angelique Kerber, Caroline Wozniacki, David Nalbandian, Grand Slam, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kim Clijsters, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Tommy Haas, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 25, 2012 at 7:23 am

Ahhh the smell of grass….where is my allergy medication?

Wimbledon is here? It starts today? Really? It caught me unawares. Perhaps because I have other major events going on in my life i.e. I am looking for a new job. Just saying….Anyway, I digress. So the 2012 Wimbledon is set to begin come the morrow and in many respects I am not even excited about these championships as ordinarily I would be. I guess because I have seen so much nonsense on the tennis courts as of late, there is nothing to be inspired by. Nonetheless, tennis is here and I must fulfill my obligation as bloggist of this publication. In the three weeks since the French Open, nothing particularly interesting took place other than Nalbandian assaulting a linesman (more on this topic in another posting). Mr. Federer, Lord Dirt Divadal and Lochness Monster all played one warm up tournament and they all lost, Mr. Federer most spectacularly losing in straight sets to the likes of Head and Shoulders Tommy Haas. I cannot even begin to describe my disappointment. Let’s just say that if I were the people of Halle, I would have gone back to the original name of the Roger Federer’s street. He does not deserve anything. None of the top ladies played other than Bratzwanska I think and she too lost early. You know things are a mess when her sister Urszula making it to a final and Bratzwanska is losing in the 2nd round. Even Fatoli Bartoli lost. All in all, it seems that people are saving their best tennis though I am not sure for where or for whom.  

Last year’s champions will be in the 2nd week for sure

To be quite honest, I am not sure there is much need for analysis because I am sure the usual suspects will be lurking in the 2nd week. However, I guess on the men’s side what would be interesting is whether Mr. Federer could win here in England, picking up his 17th major title, his 7th Wimbledon title and to crown it all off be back at number 1. Now that would be epic. However, Mr. Federer has not been in a major final since 2011 French Open final and prior to that was 2010 Australian when he won his last major title. He has struggled much but this is rather hyperbolic as Mr. Federer has been to the quarters or better since God knows when at majors. Nonetheless, Mr. Federer has not shown himself capable of beating the top two at majors and I daresay at times he looks old. His movement is hampered and oft times, he late on his shots and seemingly confused as to what he has to do out there. There is no need to say that I will always back Mr. Federer at tournaments and I would really love for him to win Wimbledon and the Olympics. This is what I want but not necessarily what I think will happen. Mr. Federer has failed to get past the quarterfinals of Wimbledon 2 years running. Last year, he failed most spectacularly as he lost a 2-0 lead over Jo-Wilfried Tsonga aka Baby Ali. I really hope he can go on to win this year.  

Mr. Federer. Hopefully, his brain is warmed up as well

There is no denying it that D’Joker Harlequeen and Lord Dirt Divadal will provide stiff competition. D’Joker won this title last year on his maiden voyage to the final and LD Divadal, a 2-time champion has been to the final 5 times. Winning the French several weeks ago over D’Joker has given LD Divadal loads of confidence. He avenged all of his clay court losses to the Serbian and Spain is in the semis of the Euro Cup, so LD Divadal is really feeling himself. He is on top of the world and the Wimbledon title would make him king.

His crowning glory

D’Joker did not play a warm up tournament and I suspect he was licking his wounds for losing that French title. He played around on court all of the two weeks and his serve was ghastly. I hope he spent the rest of his time working on his serve because he will not be defending his title if he brings that manner of service to the table. D’Joker and Mr. Federer are on the same side of the draw whereas LD Divadal and Lochness Monster are on the other half. I am not saying anything about Lochness Monster other than to say that he is not getting into the quarterfinals. He has barely produced much this year though he has been to the quarters or better in majors this year.

MI: Mentally Inconsistent and Mission Impossible!

In terms of darkhorses; this is in essence an obscure concept in the world of men’s tennis at majors but nonetheless one should mention the other bit players. I would like to say Berdych aka Lurch but to be honest, I do not really see him repeating as a Wimbledon finalist. There is also Baby Ali, Beast Boy Del Potro and yes…Mr. Brooklyn Decker, Andy Roddick. Now, these are all excellent players… YES even Roddick on grass. However, none of these players can maintain the focus and tennis excellence it requires to be at the top of the game. The top 4…well more so the top 3 has the ability to maintain a very high level of play throughout a match. They do not have to think to play their best tennis. It is there in spades. They merely think when they want to come up with great tennis. The others are struggling to produce their best and what makes their task even harder is that at majors, one has to win 3 out of 5 sets. Herein lays the problem and the reason when Mr. Federer, Divadal and D’Joker have all just bargain shopped at major events for the past 6 or 7 years. It is a tough task to get into the top 3 and wrestle a major title from these men’s hands. One might be more successful wrestling with lions. At least then, no one would mad if you cheat and poke them in the eyes. However, in men’s tennis, the racquet swords do battle and the thus far, the Serb, the Spaniard and the Swiss have shown themselves supreme.

The top dogs

Well when it comes to the ladies….Shriekapova won the French title much to my chagrin and I am not mad because she won; she richly deserved the title. I am mad because the ensuing media circuit will make this victory into the second coming of Christ. And all of a sudden, Shriekapova is winning Wimbledon. LOL! Not happening. She might get to the quarters but she is not getting into the final and hence not winning this thing. Shriekapova has failed to maintain form after winning a major. I am not sure if her is still reeling with champagne and partying for all the publicity work.

Shriekapova is just werqing this night gown for a festive slumber party. You go gurl!

Nonetheless, she will not be hoisting the Venus Dishwater trophy in 2012.  I might be wrong as she is a tough girl to beat at majors and the draw is cookie cutter easy for her. Bratzwanska is on her side of the draw. However, there are a few dangerous floaters lurking about: Kim Clijsters aka Mommie Dearest, the Crackhead…well I cannot call her that… Russ Troll though she came here to Wimbledon giving me some Vivica A Fox Set it Off jump off (Gurl, you got money… you got loads of money…employ some good hairdresser in your entourage and stop coming on court looking like a HOT @$$ MESS!)

The dresses are fine but the hair is a MESS

And speaking of Mommie Dearest, she is set to play Fivehead Jungle Witch in the 1st round. Now this will be a very interesting matchup especially for a particular fanz who I know just absolutely adores this Belgian-Serbian duo. His secret wish is to be Clijsters. There is also Carebear Kerber, a hard hitting lefty from Germany. However, what all these women lack that Shriekapova has, is that the Russian rarely loses early in a major. There are few blemishes to her records and winning the French has given her tons of confidence.

Kim this is just wrong… You are someone’s mother for crying out loud… You look like your 5 year old daughter, Jada is your hairstylist

On the other half, you have Vickie who has been silent since losing in the Round of 16 at the French. Hopefully, she did not dismiss Mauresmo for Wimbledon because here is a place that the French ladyboy can definitely be excellent use. (I am still reeling over who thought it was a bright idea to hire Amelie for the French. Perhaps it was for crowd control….yeah definitely crowd control. You have Amelie in your corner and the French are less likely to get on Vickie’s case because of her noise factor.) Anyway, Vickie should make it to semis easily but lurking on this side is the Serenanator and GHW who despite an abysmal record on regular tour, she has made it to the semis of both majors this year. Vickie has not beaten GHW ever, the only lefty she cannot beat nor has she beaten the American in a major. The only stroke of luck for Vickie is that they are not in her quarters and will only have to deal with one as the Serenanator and GHW are in the same quarters. Meanwhile, Vickie just has to contend with the likes of Fatoli, Danish Biscuit and Ivanovic the Terrible. Darkhorses for the ladies…hmmm I really do not know. I think the Serenanator in so far as to say that if her demons do not crop up again, she will be the one to beat but I would have to go with Fatoli but that is me just reaching here. Carebear Kerber might be a surprise winner here.

We can replace Danish Biscuit with a photo of Carebear Kerber

So all in all I guess, this might be an interesting Wimbledon though I am not going to make any predictions. I would love for Mr. Federer to win the title and either Vickie, the Serenanator or Russ Troll to win as well. Hope you all have fun during these Championships and in case you do not like it, you get a repeat at the Olympics in 5 weeks’ time.



Serena, wrap this up!

In Serena Williams, Serena's rap album on June 17, 2012 at 11:33 pm

This posting was contributed by a Realz Fanz who wishes to remain anonymous! Realz edited the piece.

The Serenanator! I got mad skillz on the court

Readers of this esteemed e-zine know that the Serenanator is a force to be reckoned with on the tennis court. The Serenanator is constantly searching it seems to conquer other arenas than tennis. We are all even more aware of her many off court forays including fashion design, “acting”, professional team owner and more recently cosmetology (though one might have to call this cosmotology as some of her style choices are out of this world…but we aren’t here for that). Now, it appears the Serenanator has entered the rap game! She has put down her tennis racquet of sorts to pick up the microphone. Yes, XL S Jameka Beat Diamond (a possible  rap name according to based on The Serenanator’s full name, which is Serena Jameka Williams) is in the house! I mean, she has appeared in rap videos as a video vixen and last year released a most outlandish clip of her getting down and dirty in her hotel room at the US Open!

However, this is no lark! Serena is really trying to create a presence in the rap game and has released or leaked…I daresay, served up a small snippet of her spitting some rhymes. Unfortunately, I have to say that this is no ace. Serenanator, you are over reaching and missed the overhead terribly here. I suspect that her one time boo, Common, had something to do with this unforced error as I fear that he showed no love for his ex-boo if he was coaching her on this latest endeavor. Common, a well-known, well regarded and acclaimed socially conscious rapper, dated the Serenanator for two years and must have been weak with love or mesmerized by the booty (men have been known to fall for far less) when she asked him what the thought of her rapping skillz.

It might be that he misunderstood her and perhaps thought she meant wrapping skills (i.e. sandwiches and/or gifts) and seeing that he is Common, he did not fathom that she was asking about the rap industry. I mean, he would not dare ask her about his serve.Nonetheless, Common heaped praises and winners upon the Serenanator for her “flow” and look at the flood that is upon us. I do not know if he thought he was being nice to his girl in her telling her that she had talent in this court but she just up and ran with it and now, we have a rap.

In all fairness, the Serenanator, wait I beg your pardon, XL S Jameka Beat Diamond, raps about what she knows, tennis (“I ball hard, no tennis racquet”) and making money but there is something to be said about recognizing your limits (as well as the “lies” that people in committed relationships tell each other).  XL S Jameka Beat Diamond, you are beyond the baseline here. She may hit all the corners one must in a rap song:
1. Money & Fame – “I can see the haters through my Gucci glasses”
2. The Game (sport and life) – I make hits like batting practice… Schooling these rappers they should pay tuition…”
3. Family – “Swag so big, you should call me Venus…”

Sisters who weave together, stay together!!

But, as in tennis, one must do more than simply hit the ball over the net like checking things off on a “to-do” list; you must go for winners! It is not like you’re popping over to the grocery store (speaking of which, she does “cook the track up like a frozen pizza”). Not gonna lie though: the beat is sick. However, the attempt at making words rhyme is quite obvious but the irony is too much when she says, “I ain’t never been a loser.  I am always on top; roofer.” Huh? Let? No! Fault! Double Fault in fact! This is definitely a Code Violation with a point penalty. Judging by her early exit from the French Open, XL S Jameka Beat Diamond should see this as a sign and simply drop the rap, wrap it up, and focus on tennis. Wimbledon is coming up and it is best that you lay this one out to pasture. Pursuing two passions means you simply won’t excel in either. Serena, you are Exhibit A-Z. You cannot rap for your supper but according to Common you sure can wrap for it. We are not hating on you; just keeping it realz!

Yeah that fcuking RealzTenisFanz is hating on me. I am going to shove a fcuking tennis ball down their throats!

2012 French Open: Men’s Final Parte B: What a let down

In French Open, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal on June 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Divadal with his 7th French Open title!

And traditions were kept alive and well. Who is it seemingly can defeat the king of clay on this red stuff? I surmise that at this point, it might be virtually impossible to stop Divadal on the dirt. You would think that a Spanish Diva would be reluctant to get down and dirty. However, this is where she is most at home. Divadal accomplished history today as if he needed more accolades to prove his strength is dirt. He was surely given a test today and he rose above it all showing that he is not only the best today, he is the best EVER!

Yes nice try itch! It won’t be 4 majors in a row! I have a slam right here for you boo! I slam the door right in your face on my French Open!

When play resumed, one thought that D’Joker would have picked up where he left off. However, he came out flatfooted and lackadaisical. Leading in the 4th set before the end of yesterday’s play, D”Joker came out and was broken with really little effort from Divadal. The Serb’s serving issues continued into the new day. It has become a major issue of concern in my book from what I have seen from him this year. Anyway, we were back on serve. 2-2. Divadal was surely not letting the end of yesterday’s performance cloud his judgment as he fixed his own serving woos and even had an ace….a rarity for him these days; at least on clay. Anyway, he got to 5-4 and D’Joker held serve again to make it 5-5. The tension was definitely building. There were some questionable calls…at least one and the rain came again. However, the men played on.

If you ever see me walking down the hall, look the other way, because you’re out of control…You’re totally out of control. You’re a hater, unattractive inside. Wow, what a loser. Really, don’t even look at me, don’t look my way.

Divadal held serve but D’Joker did not and Divadal collected his 7th French Open title. D’Joker looked mightily disappointed but he did not nothing to protect his serve. He double faulted on match point. He missed and he missed badly. His attitude on the court was one that he believed that destiny was going to be on his side. He acted that he could flirt in the face of danger as he did with Tsonga and to a certain extent Mr. Federer and still get out of trouble. He forgot he was playing Divadal who is relentless as he is vicious about things that he believes is rightfully his.

Yeah itches…I won my 7th and who is to say I cannot win 10 and surpass Martina who has 9 at Wimbledon?

All in all, this French Open is exactly how I called it from the beginning: The women will establish order and Divadal will still be Queen of the clay. It was a really interesting tournament. Unfortunately, none of my favourites were even in the hunt to win any of the titles. A lot of wishful thinking but I’m Realz so I had to be realistic about their chances but then again when the Serenanator got bounced in the 1st round, you knew things were going to get problematic from here on end.

I can’t believe like a girl I double faulted on match point!!!

When it was a really great championships and CONGRATULATIONS to Shriekapova and Divadal for winning the 2012 French Open titles!

Not to rain on your parade….Fierce shoes but the dress… well it’s ain’t cute! Looks like you’re expecting

Good heavens are we in the Red Light District? You’re very pretty here though. I am not going to lie!

French Open 2012: Men’s Final Part One!

In French Open, Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Sports Blog, Tennis on June 11, 2012 at 6:43 am

And the battle begins

Well we expected things to get interesting but what we did not expect was a men’s final that would stretch over the path of two days. Well that is if the rain do not continue to hamper things. You know just when you think you have seen it all with tennis, something happens and completely blows your mind. I was eagerly awaiting this final and as much as I wanted a Mr. Federer victory, I am slowly coming to the realization that the latter might not be in the stars anymore. However, I think Mr. Federer will be winning Wimbledon. I am not sure about the Olympics, the top three all have olympic medals but they would all love the gold, well in Divadal’s case, he would love to repeat as champion. But we are digressing and Wimbledon is weeks away. We have not even concluded the French Open men’s final. Yes, unless you have been living under a rock, the men’s championship has not yet been decided. I mean I knew this was going to be a long match but even I did not forsee this sorta event. I do not know why the French are being so pigheaded about not starting earlier especially with there being the forecast of rain. However, I imagined that this had something to do with money and broadcasting. Now, how are they going to deal with a 7 a.m. start time tomorrow in the US? Is NBC going to not broadcast the Early  I did not even get my gym on today. 😦 No Bueno! I might need to go run.

Divadal was in the driver’s seat from the beginning

Anyway, we are digressing again. To the tennis. To say that Divadal started off brilliantly would be an understatement. He reeled off 3 straight games, breaking his Serbian opponent twice. Not even against Mr. Federer is Divadal this sharp. However, I think he knows the danger of D’Joker so he knows he needs to stay on top of him and stay on top early. However, it was a false sense of security for the Spaniard as D’Juggernaut made a momentary appearance and leveled the score 3-3! Divadal was broken once in this tournament coming into the final and here he found himself broken twice. It felt like the US Open all over again when Divadal was up 2-0 then lost 6 straight games. However, Divadal was not about to let history repeat itself. D’Joker got broken again and Divadal went on to hold serve to lead 5-3. D’Joker held serve again to be down 4-5. However, the Spanish diva served for the set and drew first blood 6-4. D’Joker’s serve was abysmal at best as he barely got a 1st serve in. He is not know as a particularly great server but neither is Divadal but considering the circumstances one would think he would be trying to get more 1st serve in.

2 sets in the Armani purse. Come on motherfcuker! This is my house!

The 2nd set seem to begin the same way the 1st did with D’Joker giving away his service game on a double fault. Divadal was simply swinging and was not missing. These two players are like the greatest defensive players in the world. I am sure the greats of this sports were looking at the match and thinking WTF? WTMFF? There were some absolutely spectacular shots. Shots that no one would have dare dreamed of before but these two were making it look so routine. The sheer strength of these players to so quickly move from a defensive position to an offensive position with the mere flick of their racquet. It was magical. I cannot speak enough of how crazy some of their shots were. At times, it seemed out of control because they defied logic. Nevertheless, for all the magic that was happening on court, Divadal had the right combination. Whenever, D’Joker raised the level of his play, Divadal matched him and more. D’Joker broke back to overcome the 0-2 deficit he had at the beginning of the set to go up 3-2 but he again lost his way. His 1st serve was proving to be too much a liability and then the rain came and he was down 2-5.

Then D’Juggernaut came stomping on the court!

Now on clay, play can continue for a while as seen in Rome where the ladies played through the rain. However, these two divas will play in nothing but optimal conditions. When they came back out, Divadal sealed the deal and was up 6-4 6-3. It seemed all but a matter of time before he lifts up his trophy again for the 7th time and finally avenge 3 straight losses in a major to the same man. The rain did not seemingly wash away D’Joker’s bad play as he was broken again in the 3rd set to go down 0-2. Was he going to get whitewashed on court? Was this epic final going to be blowout? Then D’Juggernaut showed up on court. I do not know where he came from but all off a sudden, the errors that the Serb made were all gone. Divadal looked to be having a brain cramp or perhaps a WTF moment as he lost 6 straight games. Yes 6 consecutive games on real red clay. I mean the only person to have ever done that to him on clay was Mr. Federer and that was in Hamburg. Before, you knew it the set was over 6-2 D’Joker.

He even have time to be cute up at net!

Things were not looking so routine anymore for the reigning French champion. The crowd sensed it, the audience at home sensed it and Divadal sensed it, the trophy was no longer firmly in his grip. As a matter of fact, the trophy was back on the table waiting for a winner to be decided. He no longer looked the favourite to win the entire thing. The 4th set begun and D’Juggernaut won more games. That’s right, Divadal lost 8 straight games on clay. I mean the man barely loses that much games in an entire match but to lose them all in a row….Panic. Now the rain came again and after finally holding serve, Divadal quickly sprinted off court, claiming he could not play under these conditions. the Diva had spoken and the Diva is law. Apparently, as they were entering the locker room area, Uncle Toni said “puta” as he walked by the tournament director. The Divadal camp is most certainly not happened with conditions. So play was suspended for the rest of the day and they would resume tomorrow 1 p.m. Paris time.

No no no no! We are not having this today! I just got my hair did and you want to tell me rain!

Score: Divadal leading 6-4 6-3 2-6 1-2! Oh yes, Divadal has never looked so scared in his life on clay!

This is still my pick to win!

French Open 2012: Men’s Final – Diva vs D’Queen

In French Open, Maria Sharapova, Rafael Nadal, Serena Williams, Tennis on June 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

The gurls meet again! Divadal holding a 18-14 edge!

It is becoming common place now for Rafael Nadal aka Divadal to play Novak Djokovic aka D’Joker Harlequeen aka D’Juggernaut! for major championships. This will be their 4 consecutive major finals and if I am not mistaken, their 5th overall. So far D’Joker leads 3 (Wimbledon 2011, US Open 2011 and Australian Open 2012) – 1 (US Open 2010). Most people will be cheering Divadal as he comes off like the son of the people; the ordinary common man. Also, it helps that he has this @$$ that goes on for days and is always drawing attention to it. Therefore, he gets the gay vote nearly all the time and that simply increases his likeability (If politicians only knew how important this vote is, they would swift to passing gay rights laws) D’Joker will mostly have Serbian supporters and truth be told, he will have my support. I know far too many Divadal supporters and their pompous attitudes that makes it next to impossible for me to ever support Divadal….Well I guess if he plays Lochness Monster, I will support him because I sorta like to see the Scottish beast flailing and writhing around on court as he loses. Anyway, it does not matter who I support, the game is won and lost on the field not on my paper (much to my chagrin). Mr. Federer is not around so I really have no stake in any of these claims. I am already bummed out that Shriekapova won the French Open (Serenanantor, you are the cause of all this misery, you and bloody Virginie Razzano) But I digresss…

Yeah I know I fcuked up!

This clash promises to be epic as this is D’Joker’s first French Open final. He spoke a lot this year of how important this is for him and he has achieved the goal of making the finals of all the majors; the only thing is that he is playing the Greatest Of All Times on clay for the championships. The winner of this championships will create tennis history. If the Spanish Diva were to win this, he will have his 7th French Open title unmatched by anyone else and I daresay never to be matched in this lifetime. If the Serbian princess were to take it, he would hold all 4 major championships in hand at the same time, something that was never done since Rod Laver back in the late 60’s and early 70’s if I am not mistaken. So there is a lot of build up for this match. If you are in the US, NBC will be gloating and sponsors will be happy because we are in for a long protracted match. Though US viewers should take note that there might be some technical difficulties from NBC because Mary Carillo aka Mario Carillo flooded the studios after Shriekapova won the French Open. She could not contain herself.

Hey Mary, you want some of my cherry?

McEnroe would be besides himself in the booth

We are digressing again. Anyway, this match is going to be HUGE. This is first time they are playing on Divadal home turf. All the other surfaces allegedly does not suit Divadal’s game though courts have been slowed down considerably hence they rise of Divadal and D’Joker and the decline of Mr. Federer (I pray for surfaces to go back to unique features). So, the question is, how is this match going to play out? Well coming into this final, Divadal looked invincible and D’Joker Harlequeen looked like a D’Juggernaut.

This queen ain’t playing, I am taking your French title!

If you think I am going to let some skanky itch come up in my house and take my crown,…gurl…you fixing to have me take out my knife

Gurl, I got the shoes to match! Who do you think you are?

Divadal has yet to drop a set or even facing anywhere near a set point. Nicolas Almagro came closest as he won 4 points in Divadal’s only tie breaker this championships. Needless to say, Divadal was leading throughout and Almagro had not a chance in this lifetime or the next in winning the set. What is even more impressive is that Divadal was BROKEN ONCE through 6 matches. ONCE. Simone Bolleli of Italy broke him in the 2nd set in Round 1. Bolleli lost that set 2-6! Needless to say, Divadal has not dropped a set either. He has not looked this way since 2008 French Open. Incidentally, Shriekapova has not looked this great since 2008 Australian Open. Hmmmm

You cannot pass me!

D’Joker on the other hand has looked sloppy throughout. If D’Joker had made it to the final last year, there would have been no doubt in anyone’s mind that he would have won it and in essence had a true grand slam in 2011. However, Mr. Federer put a stop to that show and went to the final and put on his best and worst effort against Divadal at the championships. Anyway, this time around, D’Joker has met Divadal 3 times for the year and has lost twice and both times on clay. At the French Open, D’Joker twice looked on the brink of defeat in particular in his quarterfinals match as he fended off 4 match points. However, the Serb never for a moment looked bothered in the least. That is what surprised me the most. D’Joker believes that he cannot lose this championships. He believes that he is destined to win this thing. In his semifinals match against Mr. Federer, he was several breaks down in the first two sets but broke back to take the set in convincing fashion and in the 3rd simply flung Mr. Federer aside as if he were some below top 20 guy. D’Joker is very serious about winning this title. He is not fcuking around. Divadal  comes into this match with a world of confidence; he has been here 7 times and won 6 of the championships losing once in 2009. He has beaten Mr. Federer in 5 of those tournaments to win the title.  Divadal wants this because to him finally beating D’Joker in a major final will defeat some of the demons he has in particular the nightmare of the 2012 Australian Open final.

I expired! I died on court! I was not at my best! I got bested by another queen!

However, I think this is D’Joker’s tournament to win. Divadal and he played twice this season on clay and D’Joker did win a set. However, I do think he wanted to win the tournaments. See, Divadal had to bring his absolute A game in order to beat D’Joker yet D’Joker was only half trying. D’Joker is playing the long game; he is playing possum. He is thinking of the war not the battle. The French Open final is the war. Last year he peaked early on clay and lost to Mr. Federer. This time, he dealt with Mr. Federer is very convincing fashion. There was no messing around. His intentions are clear and his target in sight. He has come to Paris to go to Serbia with the French Open crown. He wants a grand slam and he will get it. For a long time, D’Joker looked like the annoying kid brother wanting to hang with hit big boys of Divadal and Mr. Federer. It looked like he would never win a major if those two continued the way they did. D’Joker got his life together and began working and working extremely hard. I questioned his fitness this season and from what I saw in the last 3 rounds, there is absolutely no doubt that D’Joker is the fittest man on tour. His on court skills are absolutely astounding when you think that he falls somewhere in the middle between the greatest and superiority of Mr. Federer and the sheer physicality of Divadal’s game. Yet, despite playing in an era where two of the greatest are still active and D’Joker comes out on top, I really think that people are not giving him enough credit.

I am heiress apparent! I have divine right to be here!

Anyway, I think I have bored you for far too long now. Interestingly enough, this will be there 15th meeting in a major and it is all tied 7-7! If Divadal does not win today, he drops to number 3 in the world! So I am going to have to pick D’Joker not just because I want Divadal to be humbled on this surface and I am sick and tired of Divadal’s fanz (nearly all of my friends are his fanz!) I really think that D’Joker surprising as it might be, is the only one with a real chance of winning a grand slam. Mr. Federer had too many chances to do this but refused to heed the good advice he was given to at least make a real run at winning the French in those early years when he was just demolishing the tour. Nevertheless, it will be a long final and there will be girlish tactics to prolong the effort; fakinjuries and also noise from the peanut gallery. Yet the papers would all go on about how great it was etc etc…. But for the people who know the Realz deal, we will know it would be a lot of bullshite on court. I really want it to be over and done quickly because I want to go to the gym. Since I possess no great tennis ability, can neither sing nor dance in any superior manner, I confess that I have to catch a mate, the old fashion way, look pretty and smile because only Goldilocks has interest in bears.

2012 French Open: Ladies Final

In Career slam, French Open, Grand Slam, Maria Sharapova, Sara Errani on June 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm

2012 French Open Champion Maria Sharapova!

Do not adjust for sets or glasses or monitor screen! What you are seeing is absolutely correct! Shriekapova is the 2012 French Open Champion. I guess in a way, one should not be surprised as this is continuing the pattern of improbable winners. Shriekapova dispatched Errani 6-3 6-2. Errani gave a good fight but she was outmatched by the power and intensity of the Russian. They weight of shots, the accuracy and the fact that Shriekapova knew that there was nothing about Errani’s game that could legitimately hurt her.  I called it from the beginning. I knew that the top girls were not going to allow another newcomer to waltz in and take what they felt was legitimately theirs. Shriekapova got very lucky as the Serenanator lost int he 1st round and with that lost came Shriekapova’s victory. The clay is arguably not Vickie’s strongest surface and it showed as she struggled throughout the clay court season in particular, this tournament. Hence she got bounced in the Round of 16. Shriekapova came through the draw on a bullet train dropping only one set. She knew she had no other year to win this thing but this one. She had done the work, dealt with the nerves and given a player who is miles below her, she is ready to attack.

Errani was erroneous early in the match

Shriekapova wasted no time in racing out to a 4 love lead and just when things looked like they could get dismal for the Italian as she broke to get one of the breaks back and held serve, the Russian got back on top of things with a 5-2 lead. Errani tried and I mean she really did try her hardest but it was not her day and she was being out hit. For every good run she made, Shriekapova just smacked one of her shots away as if it were a mere nuisance in her face. The first set was over 6-3

Is this all you got? I eat these corn puff serves for breakfast!

Again Shriekapova broke early in the 2nd set and Errani could not create any real offensive against her opponent, which is the only way to beat her. Defense is not going to help against the Russian. You need to be quick, stealth and deadly. You cannot allow her to linger on court. Shriekapova came up with some clutch serving when she needed to and against a smaller opponent, she could go for broke and come up rich. 6-2 and the Championships. I have to congratulate Shriekapova and as much as I would have preferred Errani to have won, Maria worked really hard for this and I cannot begrudge her the title. She did the work and she did not choke. She held herself together unlike the Serenanator and Vickie. It is a richly deserved title and her tenacity against all obstacles is admirable.

Who me? I have won? WOW!

Errani I hope to see more of you. I hope this translate into doing more work to improve your weaknesses. You are fun to watch.

Do not be dismayed by this result. You are a champion!

Aren’t we glad Monica discovered the joys of a hot comb in her retirement. WOW Shriekapova is a giantess and the President of the French Tennis Federation is a hobbit!