2012 French Open: The Fifth Day

In Agnes Radwanska, Andy Murray, Arantxa Rus, Bernard Tomic, David Ferrer, David Goffin, Francesca Schiavone, Grigor Dimitrov, Janko Tipsarevic, Jelena Jankovic, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, John Isner, Klara Zakopolova, Li Na, Maria Sharapova, Na Li, Paul-Henri Mathieu, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Virginie Razzano on June 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

So we are barely in the 2nd round and there are no Williams sisters: Hmmm. This might be the beginning of the end for the sisters. However, I am not going to count them out. They are still more than capable of playing the type of tennis that can win majors and get their fan base excited again. Are other American ladies going to step up to the plate now? Nonetheless, there were 128 ladies who started this tournament so there are a lot of other girls to talk about.

I have been brewing up some spells for this one and I intend to cast them at this tournament

Petra Kvitova aka GHW is showing good form thus far and might be able to do something here if she gets her act together. She is capable doing great walkabouts in matches. She would be a point from victory and then inexplicable start making errors as if that were the original game plan. The WTA really needs to rethink their policy about no juniors on tour because like I have said, these young guns are mostly shooting blanks. Anyway, she took on Urszula Radwanska the younger and I daresay better looking sister of Bratzwanska. Unfortunately, Urszula plays like a sea urchin. She has nowhere near the talent or court skills of her sister. She should hang with big sister more often though. Anyway, GHW was all Bellatrix on court as she just blasted the Pole 6-1 6-3.

The Radwanska sisters

Schiabone also came through though in 3 sets. For almost a set and a half, Pironkova (Ebony Starr’s kryptonite) looked like she was going to put a stop to Schiabone’s French Open success but you know the Italian loves the heroics. She won comfortable in the end 2-6 6-3 6-1. Her backhand is most deadly on clay and she is a great mover with great court sense. As much as I am not a fan of the Italian bambino, she is definitely confident about her game.

Schiabone might be on her way to a third successive French Open final

Other winners include, defending champion LiNaLi who just dispatched French opponent 6-0 6-2, showing the world how is it that she won a major and might quite possibly win again. Arantxa Rus (pronounced Rue if I am not mistaken) from the Netherlands created some stir her last year when she just blasted the Belgian Mommie Dearest from the court. Kim was serving for the match I think up 5-2 when all of a sudden she had a brain diarrhea and allowed the Dutch to get back into the match and take the match. I know one of Kimmie’s biggest fanz was not pleased with this result. He refers to her as that “Rus creature” I have to agree to a certain extent because last year she looked like somewhat anorexic. Anyway, it seems that she was filled out this year and found her stride again at the French Open. She took on Virginie Razzano who took out the Serenanator couple of days ago. Rus having been given a draw without a Serenanator, took full advantage and dismissed Razzano like the low ranked player she is. She did not mess around. She stayed focus and played her game, which looked rather impressive at times 6-3 7-6. However, consistency is the name of the game on the WTA and few players are that these days. Julia Goerges (25) beat British Heather Watson and joins her countrywoman Carebear Kerber (10) in the 3rd round.

2011 French Open Champion

American Christina McHale beat fellow American Lauren Davis and is through to the 3rd round of the French for the 1st time. Also through were Kaia Kanepi (23) and Anastasia Pavlyunchenkova aka Fattychunkova (22). By way of upsets, Maria Krazilenko (16) is out as is the 19th seed Fivehead Jungle Witch. I cannot tell the last time this girl won two matches in a row. She might want to find new coaching or something. She most definitely is out of it as of late. She lost to the American Varvara Lepchenko who just played well within herself and kept cool on pressure. Very impressive win by my standard. Anyway, enough of the ladies to the menz:

Fiveheads and not one of them can help me win 2 matches back to back

Now I am not going to lie, I am not an Andy Murray aka Lochness Monster fan. I do not like his vibe. I think he is cocky piece of work who really and truly has a weiner. Anyway, as much as I admire his tennis talents, (amazing backhand especially down the line, his fitness and his deft hands at net) I cannot stand his on court attitude. He is always spluttering around like a child, cursing and irritable as hell. In short, I really think he is just immature and cannot hang with the top 3. Hence, why he is miles away from them in the rankings. Anyway, in his 2nd round match, he played Jarkko Nieminen of Finland and Jarkko came out blazing, hitting the corners and playing aggressively on the big points and it was all playing dividend. The Finn went up 4-0. Now, Lochness Monster called for the trainer for his back before the changeover. I do not understand how the umpire allowed this to happen. Of course, this is because it is one of the big boys on tour. Anyway, this broke, Nieminen’s concentration and he was broken 4-1. Now comes the changeover and another massage on court for the Scot. This is some bullshite. Anyway, the Finn won the set 6-1 but you know this good fortune was about to run out. Lochness Monster came roaring back to win the match 1-6 6-4 6-1 6-2. Now mind you that Nieminen had his chances especially in the 2nd set, I really cannot get over how Nessie just pulled that sorta bullshite in the 1st set. He always go for these types of histrionics at majors to speak of his physical prowess but when it comes to the big matches, he is as weak as water. The wanker! Anyway, Nieminen is not that good of a player to beat the Scot on a good day but still he did not deserve that sort of underhand play. Furthermore, Lochness Monster was roaring all the time and no one called a hindrance against him. Can I get a sexist? Can I get an Amen?

We take care of the menz out here! He needs a back rub, he needs a back rub.

Anyway, Baby Ali came through in 4 sets to remain France’s strongest hope of winning a major, as did Richard Gasquet as he defeated hottie Delicious Dimitrov. Dimitrov won the 1st set but could not sustain the high level of play needed to defeat a skilled player as Gasquet. Divadal was impressive as ever as he took out Denis Istomin 6-2 6-2 6-0. Divadal is looking as confident as ever on his forte surface. He is playing like the D’Juggernaut out here. Seemingly unstoppable. I really cannot imagine anyone winning three sets off him at this tournament yet I do not think his 7th French Open title is a foregone conclusion. However, my feelings around things are just feelings and not foregone conclusions themselves. So we shall see at the end of next weekend. Other winners included Fiery Ferrer (6), Tipsarevic (5)aka Sexsarevic, Almagro (12), Youzhny (27), the young up and coming Milos Raonic from Canada (19) and Baby Jesus Juan Monaco (13). There were no real upsets on the men’s per se other than Viktor Troicki (28) lost to Fabio Fognini but I am not upset by this because Fognini is a hottie and Troicki ain’t all that. I rather watch the Italian than the Serb…..though I confess that this is not always the case. Anywho that concludes all of day 5 action…

Apparently you picking up where D’Joker left off with these stupid tacky designs? Good thing you are Sexsarevic

Wait a minute. I cannot believe that I almost concluded this edition and not mention the biggest match of the tournament if not the longest match. John Isner aka BFG (Big Friendly Giant) found himself in yet another marathon match with a Frenchman, Paul-Henri Mathieu. BFG has played his way up to number 10 in the world and shows himself to be apt to big boy status. He is working tremendously hard on his game and I admire him for that. However, he is not supposed to be in these long protracted matches. He is taking a play out of Mr. Brooklyn Decker’s book; ie, worry only about your serve and do not worry so much about the return. The law of average states that one cannot hit monster serves every single time. There are bound to be misses. That is what happens when one builds his game only on serves. They do not know how to return and get to break points. Mathieu on the other hand kept plugging away and sure enough if you keep at it, you will hit. BFG took the 1st in a tiebreak but lost sets 2 and 3 to the Frenchman 4-6 4-6. BFG showed some stuff in set 4 and won 6-3.

BFG in full monster swing!

Listen mofos, I am not sitting my fat @$$ on that chair for days to watch you all play shite tennis for days. There will be no Wimbledon here. So you better take your pregnant looking yellow and blue ass and finish this match today.

Now it is in set 5 that things got really interesting. Mathieu served first, which gave him the advantage if he always hold serve because once at 5-4, Isner will be under pressure to serve to stay in the match. He did so nearly 14 times if my calculations are correct, saving several match points along the way. However, he started to look tired and near cramping. He also never really put in much effort to breaking the Mathieu. I am not sure what it was that he expected to happen if he was not trying to make something happen. In the end however, the Frenchman proved to be stronger both mentally and physically. He got the set 18-16. BFG would do well to work on both his fitness and return game because to do so would see his ranking rise.

Holla back babe. One for the French

You didn’t look so tall from the other end!



Arantxa Rus. I think Ken got Barbie high in Holland and she left the love child over there.

If you are in fact a creature… you are without a doubt a very lovely creature

Klara Zakopalova is clearly beautiful

How many licks to get to the center of my tootsie pop?

Though a bit of a butter face, we never hate on the skinny itches especially those with washboard stomach (You might want to stay out in the sun more often without a shirt)


Look like a man and think like a lady! I’m telling you, it is the secret to my success.

Just in time for theatrical release this Belgian tennis star is..

Bringing classic literature to the big screen…David Goffin is

Mixed Bag

There have been a lot of questionable outfits on tour but I think one might have to be called an enigma..

I am all for equal rights to the disable and everything but I mean if you are blind can you really play tennis?

Girl I could have sworn I put that tampon in here. Well you better hurry up because clay isn’t going to be the only thing red around here!

This is Laura Flessel. She is an Olympic Fencer and will be the flag bearer for France at the London Games and decided to catch a lil tennis. So Laura gurl, the shoes is a bit much but what is even more egregious is that you wearing sandals and you didn’t lotion those paws! Come on gurl..we know better. No Bueno!

I wonder if he would give me his number after the match!




Stretching the back? Or so it seems. Now you see the hands

Now you don’t see one of the hands…skills!

Finish it off here!


Yes M’am! My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!

Shake that thing! Ms. Annabella shake that thing!



  1. Laura Flessel really should invest in some Nivea. Or better yet, have them invest in her as a sponsor. It’s a win-win if you ask me. Nivea gets to support an Olympian, she can get lotion for free thereby having no excuse to walk out in public with ashy feet and we (the public) no longer have to be subjected to seeing her ashy feet/skin. And those shoes are abysmal. I thought the French had taste?

    • It’s just unsightly and too obvious to ignore especially when she’s venturing out in the world of tennis. At the very least don’t draw attention to yourself with those ridiculous shoes!

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