Realz

French Open 2012: Round of 16 Update Days 8 and 9

In Andreas Seppi, Angelique Kerber, Arantxa Rus, David Ferrer, David Goffin, Dominika Cibulkova, French Open, Janko Tipsarevic, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kaia Kanepi, Klara Zakopolova, Li Na, Marcel Granollers, Maria Sharapova, Na Li, Nicolas Almagro, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roger Federer, Sara Errani, Serena Williams, Slaone Stephens, Sports Blog, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Varvara Lepchenko, Victoria Azarenka, Yaroslava Shevedova on June 5, 2012 at 7:39 am

In an effort to get our lives together and up to date, there will not be a full edition posting for the Round of 16 results. Very unfortunate I know.

You got peaches and creamed out here!

World no.1 Vickie Azarenka decided to hire Amelie Mauresmo to prepare for the French Open. I do not know who told her that this was a bright idea. I do not know if she wanted a tour guide or a translator or something because it was not the ideal of partnership. Anyway, Vickie lost in the Round of 16 and would inevitably lose her number 1 ranking. Dominika Cilbulkova was just on fire from the beginning of the match and rightfully took the match 6-2 7-6. Cilbukova has twice been in the winning position against Vickie and both matches as recent as Miami this year. However, she held her own and got her life right on the big stage here at Roland Garros. In an interview, she all but said that she was not afraid of the Vickie serve. Vickie, I told you that that shite would not get it done out here. And the competition at Wimbledon is only going to get tougher!

Finally I did it when it really counted!

American Slaone Stephens did not fair well against D’Stove. She served for the 1st set but failed to close it out only to have the Aussie come back roaring. The Aussie found herself unable to close out the match on her own serve but broke the American to move into another quarterfinals at Roland Garros. She is a dangerous floater. 7-5 6-4!

Easy workout! Now I can relax and watch some L word on tv as well as check out what’s on sale at Home Depot!

Sara Errani with her massive cranium is playing smart tennis!

Kuzi_Rex was a complete let down. Absolutely abysmal in her play but then again she is Russian. She lost to Italian Sara Errani 6-0 7-5! Words cannot describe how I felt about this result at all. Anyway, congrats to the Italian for moving into another quarterfinals in a major. She will play Angelique Kerber who took out Croat Petra Matic 6-3 7-5!

I became extinct out on court!

Carebear Kerber! Does this colour make me look like a girl?

She flopped like a chicken wing!

LiNaLi should be punished severely. I am all for corporal punishment…at the very least, someone should go all Bruce Lee on her @$$. She just has these complete meltdown on court and throws away matches. I do not know why you could not have suffered such fates at the 2008 Olympics and the 2009 Australian Open when you played Ebony Starr. Just digusting. She was up against Shevedova 6-3 and then only won 2 more games for the rest of the match. 3-6 6-2 6-0. Congrats to Shevedova but LiNaLi I will never root for you again.

The Chinese wall crumbles and I take over

World No. 4 GHW silently overcame her opponent Varvara Lepchenko 6-2 6-1 ending the American dream run at the French. Incidentally, Lepchenko sealed an Olympic spot as she just moved ahead of Stephens.

Winning can be an ugly and unfashionable business!

Kaia Kanepi representing Sesame Street

Kaia Kanepi followed up her upset of the Danish Biscuit by moving passed Arantxa Rus 6-1 4-6 6-0 and is definitely showing excellent form in that latter stages of this tournament. Let’s see if she hold on to this form because I believe she can beat Shriekapova who got by a tougher showing than expected from Klara Zakapalova 6-4 6-7 6-2! However, Kanepi will face shots with more pace though she will be able to tee off some very easy serves and free points from the Russian’s double faults.

Itch you point that finger out one more time for my shots, I am going to get all Serenanantor on you in a minute! Don’t fcuk with me out here!

On the men’s side. The top half made a mess of their draw but the usual suspect came through in the end.

Can’t stop me now!

D’Joker struggled past Seppi though I will admit that he never for a moment looked panicky on court. He looked as fresh as a daisy as he walked on by 4-6 6-7 6-3 7-5 6-3! There goes my theory about his fitness level being in question. Maybe, he really is saving himself for this tournament because he wants this one badly and so does Divadal, Mr. Federer and Lochness Monster.

Thanks for the workout and the free feel you nice Italian beefcake. You gonna let me have a sip of your Seppi later on?

Yeah go jog! You need the exercise more than I do.

It took Baby Ali two days to get past Fatanka and for a while I did not think he was going to get the job done. He was up two sets 6-4 7-6 but allowed the Swiss to get back into the match and take the next two 3-6 3-6. Leading 4-2 before the called the end of play for the day, Baby Ali was broken early resumption of play. However, I do not know whether Fatanka got too cute for school but the frigger was feeling himself a lil bit too much. Perhaps he thought he was Mr. Federer but he became playing silly shots and lost the match 4-6 in the 5th set. Now, word to the French, you all should not put so much pressure on the athletes. It can be a bit too much playing in front of your home country, family, friends and the president of the Federation. I mean relax a bit. Baby Ali only has to play D’Juggernaut for a place in the semis. That is pressure enough.

See back at the locker room!

Big boys do cry!

Meanwhile, Mr. Federer was just all over the place against the Hobbit who I swear gives me the willies. He looks a lil stalkerish. Talking about how he got Mr. Federer’s poster up on his wall in his bedroom. Ewwww Ewww. We do not share such things in public. He was even wearing Mr. Federer’s shoes and for a while, it looked like he was Mr. Federer as the real one was off shopping in his mind or something. He has dropped a set in his last three matches. However, he did enough to get the job done 5-7 7-5 6-2 6-4

Watch your back Mr. Federer! Single white male up in here! I like his hair… looks so fresh and clean.

Beast Boy vs Lurch promised to be a really exciting match up and in the beginning it was. They were very even stevens though Lurch had many break points opportunities, which he failed to convert. In the end, Beast Boy took the 1st set 7-6. Then he began complaining about his knee though he was whacking away at it in frustration with his racquet. No bueno senor! Anyway, Lurch took the 2nd set 6-1 and he began playing birdshite out there. I mean it is remarkable just how talented the Czech is but yet fails to be more success on tour. The match was suspended after Beast Boy won the 3rd set 6-3 and next day, the Argentine was still roaring with a 4-2 lead. However, though birdshite got things back on serve again, he got the willies and lost the match 5-7 in the 4th set.

The Big Bird is through to another French Open quarterfinals!

Fiery Ferrer was just blazing with his hot self

Three Spanish men are left in the draw Divadal, Nicolas Almagro and Fiery Ferrer and they remain the only players left in the draw who has not dropped a set. Fiery Ferrer just burnt up his countryman Crunch Granola 6-3 6-2 6-0 where as Almagro, though wearing yellow was not afraid of the black clad Sexsarevic 6-4 6-4 6-4. However, Almagro will face Divadal yet again in the quarters of the French. Divadal just @$$ fcuked Baby Jesus on court without any lube 6-2 6-0 6-0. It was utterly embarrassing if you ask me. The press would be all over this if this were women’s tennis. Anyway, Divadal could not have asked for a better present than having his boytoy for his Round of 16 opponent. Juan Monaco, if you continue to play these types of matches against top player, I would have to reconsider seriously any prospects of there being a future for you and I. I do not mingle with punks or OPP (other people’s property) Taking Divadal’s sloppy seconds is one thing I can deal with but us dating and you are still his itch! No, I will not have the Spanish diva holding that one over my head. I do not care if you lose but just do so with effort. If you ask me, it was a definite tank out there and you should be fined for lack of effort.

Haappy Birthday to me! And I send out 2 Love and Love to my Juanny M

It was like Easter all over again. He got crucified only this time, he did not rise again!

And this red sea for parted!

Gasquet vs Lochness Monster promised to be an epic match but I know the French and I do not trust the French in sports to say the least. Several years ago, Gasquet had a 2 set and a break lead over the Scot at Wimbledon, only to relinquish it. So when he won the 1st set 6-1 and looked like he was the better player, I knew not to get my hopes up. He was 4-4 in the 2nd set when the Frenchman saw it fit to lose the next 7 games in a row. He only won three more games for the match. Lochness Monster comes through 1-6 6-4 6-1 6-2! It is times like this that I really appreciate Baby Ali because though he might not be the most talented Frenchman out there, he will continue to be the most successful because of his mental fortitude and knowing that you always bring your A game to the big matches and NEVER EVER be afraid of the Big 4!

Gotcha! Think you were going to walk all over me! I’m a motherfcuking monster!!!

So on Day 10 the match ups are on the ladies: Cilbuttkova vs D’Stove and Sara Errani (aka Alien vs Predator head) taking on Carebear Kerber. I see Kerber moving on but a tough match up between Cibuttkova and D’Stove. If Dominika plays her game, she wins but D’Stove is a very dangerous opponent and she is now becoming a regular feature in the latter parts of majors. She was suppose to win in 2010 so perhaps she is coming to claim what was suppose to be hers ages ago.

On the men’s side. D’Joker Harlequeen vs Baby Ali: D’Joker without a doubt and its Mr. Federer vs Beast Boy. Mr. Federer has beaten the Argentine like 4-5 times this year already. However, Mr. Federer is looking as sloppy as Andy Roddick so I would not be surprise if there is an upset here! This will clearly be the match up of the day!

Beast Boy vs Mr. Federer in a major part trois. (I might be wrong about this)

So we are on schedule back again! Look out later on for a special posting from a guest contributor about the extracurricular of the one and only Serenanator!

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  1. Word on the street is that Danish Biscuit is going to be entering the world of fashion with her own underwear line. I hope her tennis body is up for the photo shoots but she need not worry since Photoshop is everybody’s friend.

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