Realz

French Open 2012: Men’s Final – Diva vs D’Queen

In French Open, Maria Sharapova, Rafael Nadal, Serena Williams, Tennis on June 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

The gurls meet again! Divadal holding a 18-14 edge!

It is becoming common place now for Rafael Nadal aka Divadal to play Novak Djokovic aka D’Joker Harlequeen aka D’Juggernaut! for major championships. This will be their 4 consecutive major finals and if I am not mistaken, their 5th overall. So far D’Joker leads 3 (Wimbledon 2011, US Open 2011 and Australian Open 2012) – 1 (US Open 2010). Most people will be cheering Divadal as he comes off like the son of the people; the ordinary common man. Also, it helps that he has this @$$ that goes on for days and is always drawing attention to it. Therefore, he gets the gay vote nearly all the time and that simply increases his likeability (If politicians only knew how important this vote is, they would swift to passing gay rights laws) D’Joker will mostly have Serbian supporters and truth be told, he will have my support. I know far too many Divadal supporters and their pompous attitudes that makes it next to impossible for me to ever support Divadal….Well I guess if he plays Lochness Monster, I will support him because I sorta like to see the Scottish beast flailing and writhing around on court as he loses. Anyway, it does not matter who I support, the game is won and lost on the field not on my paper (much to my chagrin). Mr. Federer is not around so I really have no stake in any of these claims. I am already bummed out that Shriekapova won the French Open (Serenanantor, you are the cause of all this misery, you and bloody Virginie Razzano) But I digresss…

Yeah I know I fcuked up!

This clash promises to be epic as this is D’Joker’s first French Open final. He spoke a lot this year of how important this is for him and he has achieved the goal of making the finals of all the majors; the only thing is that he is playing the Greatest Of All Times on clay for the championships. The winner of this championships will create tennis history. If the Spanish Diva were to win this, he will have his 7th French Open title unmatched by anyone else and I daresay never to be matched in this lifetime. If the Serbian princess were to take it, he would hold all 4 major championships in hand at the same time, something that was never done since Rod Laver back in the late 60’s and early 70’s if I am not mistaken. So there is a lot of build up for this match. If you are in the US, NBC will be gloating and sponsors will be happy because we are in for a long protracted match. Though US viewers should take note that there might be some technical difficulties from NBC because Mary Carillo aka Mario Carillo flooded the studios after Shriekapova won the French Open. She could not contain herself.

Hey Mary, you want some of my cherry?

McEnroe would be besides himself in the booth

We are digressing again. Anyway, this match is going to be HUGE. This is first time they are playing on Divadal home turf. All the other surfaces allegedly does not suit Divadal’s game though courts have been slowed down considerably hence they rise of Divadal and D’Joker and the decline of Mr. Federer (I pray for surfaces to go back to unique features). So, the question is, how is this match going to play out? Well coming into this final, Divadal looked invincible and D’Joker Harlequeen looked like a D’Juggernaut.

This queen ain’t playing, I am taking your French title!

If you think I am going to let some skanky itch come up in my house and take my crown,…gurl…you fixing to have me take out my knife

Gurl, I got the shoes to match! Who do you think you are?

Divadal has yet to drop a set or even facing anywhere near a set point. Nicolas Almagro came closest as he won 4 points in Divadal’s only tie breaker this championships. Needless to say, Divadal was leading throughout and Almagro had not a chance in this lifetime or the next in winning the set. What is even more impressive is that Divadal was BROKEN ONCE through 6 matches. ONCE. Simone Bolleli of Italy broke him in the 2nd set in Round 1. Bolleli lost that set 2-6! Needless to say, Divadal has not dropped a set either. He has not looked this way since 2008 French Open. Incidentally, Shriekapova has not looked this great since 2008 Australian Open. Hmmmm

You cannot pass me!

D’Joker on the other hand has looked sloppy throughout. If D’Joker had made it to the final last year, there would have been no doubt in anyone’s mind that he would have won it and in essence had a true grand slam in 2011. However, Mr. Federer put a stop to that show and went to the final and put on his best and worst effort against Divadal at the championships. Anyway, this time around, D’Joker has met Divadal 3 times for the year and has lost twice and both times on clay. At the French Open, D’Joker twice looked on the brink of defeat in particular in his quarterfinals match as he fended off 4 match points. However, the Serb never for a moment looked bothered in the least. That is what surprised me the most. D’Joker believes that he cannot lose this championships. He believes that he is destined to win this thing. In his semifinals match against Mr. Federer, he was several breaks down in the first two sets but broke back to take the set in convincing fashion and in the 3rd simply flung Mr. Federer aside as if he were some below top 20 guy. D’Joker is very serious about winning this title. He is not fcuking around. Divadal  comes into this match with a world of confidence; he has been here 7 times and won 6 of the championships losing once in 2009. He has beaten Mr. Federer in 5 of those tournaments to win the title.  Divadal wants this because to him finally beating D’Joker in a major final will defeat some of the demons he has in particular the nightmare of the 2012 Australian Open final.

I expired! I died on court! I was not at my best! I got bested by another queen!

However, I think this is D’Joker’s tournament to win. Divadal and he played twice this season on clay and D’Joker did win a set. However, I do think he wanted to win the tournaments. See, Divadal had to bring his absolute A game in order to beat D’Joker yet D’Joker was only half trying. D’Joker is playing the long game; he is playing possum. He is thinking of the war not the battle. The French Open final is the war. Last year he peaked early on clay and lost to Mr. Federer. This time, he dealt with Mr. Federer is very convincing fashion. There was no messing around. His intentions are clear and his target in sight. He has come to Paris to go to Serbia with the French Open crown. He wants a grand slam and he will get it. For a long time, D’Joker looked like the annoying kid brother wanting to hang with hit big boys of Divadal and Mr. Federer. It looked like he would never win a major if those two continued the way they did. D’Joker got his life together and began working and working extremely hard. I questioned his fitness this season and from what I saw in the last 3 rounds, there is absolutely no doubt that D’Joker is the fittest man on tour. His on court skills are absolutely astounding when you think that he falls somewhere in the middle between the greatest and superiority of Mr. Federer and the sheer physicality of Divadal’s game. Yet, despite playing in an era where two of the greatest are still active and D’Joker comes out on top, I really think that people are not giving him enough credit.

I am heiress apparent! I have divine right to be here!

Anyway, I think I have bored you for far too long now. Interestingly enough, this will be there 15th meeting in a major and it is all tied 7-7! If Divadal does not win today, he drops to number 3 in the world! So I am going to have to pick D’Joker not just because I want Divadal to be humbled on this surface and I am sick and tired of Divadal’s fanz (nearly all of my friends are his fanz!) I really think that D’Joker surprising as it might be, is the only one with a real chance of winning a grand slam. Mr. Federer had too many chances to do this but refused to heed the good advice he was given to at least make a real run at winning the French in those early years when he was just demolishing the tour. Nevertheless, it will be a long final and there will be girlish tactics to prolong the effort; fakinjuries and also noise from the peanut gallery. Yet the papers would all go on about how great it was etc etc…. But for the people who know the Realz deal, we will know it would be a lot of bullshite on court. I really want it to be over and done quickly because I want to go to the gym. Since I possess no great tennis ability, can neither sing nor dance in any superior manner, I confess that I have to catch a mate, the old fashion way, look pretty and smile because only Goldilocks has interest in bears.

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  1. LOL interest in bears. LOLOLOL

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