Wimbledon 2012 is here!!

In Agnes Radwanska, Ana Ivanovic, Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Angelique Kerber, Caroline Wozniacki, David Nalbandian, Grand Slam, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kim Clijsters, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Tommy Haas, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 25, 2012 at 7:23 am

Ahhh the smell of grass….where is my allergy medication?

Wimbledon is here? It starts today? Really? It caught me unawares. Perhaps because I have other major events going on in my life i.e. I am looking for a new job. Just saying….Anyway, I digress. So the 2012 Wimbledon is set to begin come the morrow and in many respects I am not even excited about these championships as ordinarily I would be. I guess because I have seen so much nonsense on the tennis courts as of late, there is nothing to be inspired by. Nonetheless, tennis is here and I must fulfill my obligation as bloggist of this publication. In the three weeks since the French Open, nothing particularly interesting took place other than Nalbandian assaulting a linesman (more on this topic in another posting). Mr. Federer, Lord Dirt Divadal and Lochness Monster all played one warm up tournament and they all lost, Mr. Federer most spectacularly losing in straight sets to the likes of Head and Shoulders Tommy Haas. I cannot even begin to describe my disappointment. Let’s just say that if I were the people of Halle, I would have gone back to the original name of the Roger Federer’s street. He does not deserve anything. None of the top ladies played other than Bratzwanska I think and she too lost early. You know things are a mess when her sister Urszula making it to a final and Bratzwanska is losing in the 2nd round. Even Fatoli Bartoli lost. All in all, it seems that people are saving their best tennis though I am not sure for where or for whom.  

Last year’s champions will be in the 2nd week for sure

To be quite honest, I am not sure there is much need for analysis because I am sure the usual suspects will be lurking in the 2nd week. However, I guess on the men’s side what would be interesting is whether Mr. Federer could win here in England, picking up his 17th major title, his 7th Wimbledon title and to crown it all off be back at number 1. Now that would be epic. However, Mr. Federer has not been in a major final since 2011 French Open final and prior to that was 2010 Australian when he won his last major title. He has struggled much but this is rather hyperbolic as Mr. Federer has been to the quarters or better since God knows when at majors. Nonetheless, Mr. Federer has not shown himself capable of beating the top two at majors and I daresay at times he looks old. His movement is hampered and oft times, he late on his shots and seemingly confused as to what he has to do out there. There is no need to say that I will always back Mr. Federer at tournaments and I would really love for him to win Wimbledon and the Olympics. This is what I want but not necessarily what I think will happen. Mr. Federer has failed to get past the quarterfinals of Wimbledon 2 years running. Last year, he failed most spectacularly as he lost a 2-0 lead over Jo-Wilfried Tsonga aka Baby Ali. I really hope he can go on to win this year.  

Mr. Federer. Hopefully, his brain is warmed up as well

There is no denying it that D’Joker Harlequeen and Lord Dirt Divadal will provide stiff competition. D’Joker won this title last year on his maiden voyage to the final and LD Divadal, a 2-time champion has been to the final 5 times. Winning the French several weeks ago over D’Joker has given LD Divadal loads of confidence. He avenged all of his clay court losses to the Serbian and Spain is in the semis of the Euro Cup, so LD Divadal is really feeling himself. He is on top of the world and the Wimbledon title would make him king.

His crowning glory

D’Joker did not play a warm up tournament and I suspect he was licking his wounds for losing that French title. He played around on court all of the two weeks and his serve was ghastly. I hope he spent the rest of his time working on his serve because he will not be defending his title if he brings that manner of service to the table. D’Joker and Mr. Federer are on the same side of the draw whereas LD Divadal and Lochness Monster are on the other half. I am not saying anything about Lochness Monster other than to say that he is not getting into the quarterfinals. He has barely produced much this year though he has been to the quarters or better in majors this year.

MI: Mentally Inconsistent and Mission Impossible!

In terms of darkhorses; this is in essence an obscure concept in the world of men’s tennis at majors but nonetheless one should mention the other bit players. I would like to say Berdych aka Lurch but to be honest, I do not really see him repeating as a Wimbledon finalist. There is also Baby Ali, Beast Boy Del Potro and yes…Mr. Brooklyn Decker, Andy Roddick. Now, these are all excellent players… YES even Roddick on grass. However, none of these players can maintain the focus and tennis excellence it requires to be at the top of the game. The top 4…well more so the top 3 has the ability to maintain a very high level of play throughout a match. They do not have to think to play their best tennis. It is there in spades. They merely think when they want to come up with great tennis. The others are struggling to produce their best and what makes their task even harder is that at majors, one has to win 3 out of 5 sets. Herein lays the problem and the reason when Mr. Federer, Divadal and D’Joker have all just bargain shopped at major events for the past 6 or 7 years. It is a tough task to get into the top 3 and wrestle a major title from these men’s hands. One might be more successful wrestling with lions. At least then, no one would mad if you cheat and poke them in the eyes. However, in men’s tennis, the racquet swords do battle and the thus far, the Serb, the Spaniard and the Swiss have shown themselves supreme.

The top dogs

Well when it comes to the ladies….Shriekapova won the French title much to my chagrin and I am not mad because she won; she richly deserved the title. I am mad because the ensuing media circuit will make this victory into the second coming of Christ. And all of a sudden, Shriekapova is winning Wimbledon. LOL! Not happening. She might get to the quarters but she is not getting into the final and hence not winning this thing. Shriekapova has failed to maintain form after winning a major. I am not sure if her is still reeling with champagne and partying for all the publicity work.

Shriekapova is just werqing this night gown for a festive slumber party. You go gurl!

Nonetheless, she will not be hoisting the Venus Dishwater trophy in 2012.  I might be wrong as she is a tough girl to beat at majors and the draw is cookie cutter easy for her. Bratzwanska is on her side of the draw. However, there are a few dangerous floaters lurking about: Kim Clijsters aka Mommie Dearest, the Crackhead…well I cannot call her that… Russ Troll though she came here to Wimbledon giving me some Vivica A Fox Set it Off jump off (Gurl, you got money… you got loads of money…employ some good hairdresser in your entourage and stop coming on court looking like a HOT @$$ MESS!)

The dresses are fine but the hair is a MESS

And speaking of Mommie Dearest, she is set to play Fivehead Jungle Witch in the 1st round. Now this will be a very interesting matchup especially for a particular fanz who I know just absolutely adores this Belgian-Serbian duo. His secret wish is to be Clijsters. There is also Carebear Kerber, a hard hitting lefty from Germany. However, what all these women lack that Shriekapova has, is that the Russian rarely loses early in a major. There are few blemishes to her records and winning the French has given her tons of confidence.

Kim this is just wrong… You are someone’s mother for crying out loud… You look like your 5 year old daughter, Jada is your hairstylist

On the other half, you have Vickie who has been silent since losing in the Round of 16 at the French. Hopefully, she did not dismiss Mauresmo for Wimbledon because here is a place that the French ladyboy can definitely be excellent use. (I am still reeling over who thought it was a bright idea to hire Amelie for the French. Perhaps it was for crowd control….yeah definitely crowd control. You have Amelie in your corner and the French are less likely to get on Vickie’s case because of her noise factor.) Anyway, Vickie should make it to semis easily but lurking on this side is the Serenanator and GHW who despite an abysmal record on regular tour, she has made it to the semis of both majors this year. Vickie has not beaten GHW ever, the only lefty she cannot beat nor has she beaten the American in a major. The only stroke of luck for Vickie is that they are not in her quarters and will only have to deal with one as the Serenanator and GHW are in the same quarters. Meanwhile, Vickie just has to contend with the likes of Fatoli, Danish Biscuit and Ivanovic the Terrible. Darkhorses for the ladies…hmmm I really do not know. I think the Serenanator in so far as to say that if her demons do not crop up again, she will be the one to beat but I would have to go with Fatoli but that is me just reaching here. Carebear Kerber might be a surprise winner here.

We can replace Danish Biscuit with a photo of Carebear Kerber

So all in all I guess, this might be an interesting Wimbledon though I am not going to make any predictions. I would love for Mr. Federer to win the title and either Vickie, the Serenanator or Russ Troll to win as well. Hope you all have fun during these Championships and in case you do not like it, you get a repeat at the Olympics in 5 weeks’ time.



  1. LOL I knew you would be commenting on the WWW wild williams weave LOL. And yes, who in their right mind thinks that wozniacki is even a contender for the title? And the last pic is gold. Hahahaha

    • They shop at the Wild Wild West of Weaves! I didn’t do that picture. I found it online… though I have to say that the gay one is the cutest out there… But in his defense, someone has to look where they are going… I think it was photoshopped though.

  2. My response to you two blog posts ago was late. But for what it’s worth, I prefer Sir Red Divadal. Or perhaps we could go with “Divadal and Conquer”?

    • Well I am happy you are responding nonetheless but as you can see, Lord Dirt Divadal LDD or perhaps Lord Clay Divadal LCD though I prefer LDD. It will not be Divadal and Conqueror….No no no!! Don’t be shy about responding and giving your feedback. RealzTenisFanz can only get better with fanz input. I am happy that fanz like the monikers.

      • But Divadal and Conquerer is such a clever name 😦 Sir Red Divadal?

  3. When he wins 6-7 majors on each surface we can call him Divadal and Conqueror though I am sure Juan Monaco already calls him that. I am not one to copy cat 🙂

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