French Open 2013: Le Prévu

In Agnes Radwanska, Ana Ivanovic, Andy Murray, Angelique Kerber, Carla Suarez Narravo, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, David Goffin, Lukas Rosol, Marcos Baghdatis, Maria Sharapova, Mikhail Youzhny, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Tomas Berdych, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Virginie Razzano on May 26, 2013 at 12:23 am

France Tennis French Open

The French Open is set to begin tomorrow or today depending on when I post this entry. The French is the only major tournament that sees the wisdom of starting the major on a Sunday instead of the Monday considering the frequency of “epicness” of the men’s. Anyway, another major is upon us and all the usual suspects are involved with the lone exception of Lochness Monster aka Andy Murray. I know for my part, he will not really be missed and truth be told, he was not a factor here.

French Open Preview Tennis

You know, every major I get very excited thinking about the event and how it will be so epic but as I sit to write the preview posts, I always feel less enthusiastic about the matter. It is like being in the club and seeing that hot specimen across the dance floor and then the bright light hits and you realize that you have been sweating after a troll. No bueno! Look I am not saying that the majors are a buzz kill but we know that on the men’s side, it would be same people in the final with an almost guaranteed Divadal victory much to my chagrin and on the ladies well… I am not sure what to say about the ladies but it is usually a chokefest. To be honest, I was not feeling last year’s final and not because I am not a Shriekapova fan. It was really and truly very dull and not to mention that the red hot Serenanator went up in flames in the 1st round. Anyway let us not forecast bad weather for this one because nothing is guaranteed especially in the world of sports.

France Tennis French Open

Anyway the draw came out on Friday and the most noticeable thing is that the French Federation stuck to the current ATP/WTA rankings instead of fiddling around with it to place players above their current status. On the ladies side this does not matter much but on the men’s side, the real issue is that Divadal was ranked 3rd not that it matters to any real significant degree. I mean he is a clay god and gods prove themselves through action not words nor rankings. There is absolutely no use denying it. The man simply resonates power on the stuff. There is a sense of pending destruction when he comes on the clay court because really and truly, he can destroy the entire field. He determines the score line and there is very little his opponents can do other than work hard to avoid the bagel or breadstick. His only challenge is Djoker Harlequeen and unfortunately for some, they are on the same side of the draw, projected to meet in the semi-finals. In other words it will be no repeat of last year’s final. Good because even that too was anticlimatic. So we are promised a good final.

Men’s Draw

Novak Djokovic

          In Djoker’s quarter, he could face his countryman Douchserivic in the quarterfinals if seeds hold true to form but I doubt Douchy is getting that far. Interestingly enough, Djoker starts off his campaign for his career slam and possibly true grand slam as he is the 2013 Aussie Open champ, against David Goffin that Frodo looking Belgian who gave Mr. Federer so much trouble in the 4th round I think in last year’s French. Djoker could face Delicious Dimitrov, allegedly Maria’s boyfriend in the 3rd round. Dimitrov knocked Djoker out of Madrid this season. Also lurking in this quarter are BFG Isner, Tabasco Verdasco and Mikhail Youzhny. However, none of these players are in anywhere near fit to take on the Djuggernaut that is Djoker Harlequeen. He is hungry for this title and is very tight lipped and focused about his game. He refuses to talk about the draw and is taking a Serenanator approach to the major; you look only at your current match and forget who is still in the draw. Djoker is ready like Freddy for this and he is going all out.

French Open Preview Tennis

          In Divadal’s quarter, he starts off his campaign against my hubby Daniel Brands. I mean seriously,  the tennis gods can be so unkind. Brands would be slaughtered like a kitten caged with a tigress but I will be there for the récupération avec mon amour. Divadal could face Gasquet in the quarters if both play to form and quite possibly, Divadal will have to take on the last man to beat him at a major, Lukas Rosol in the 3rd round. I think the ATP better put the mercy rule in effect for this match because I know Divadal will be brutality mood if this match up comes to fruition. He will be going for a golden set (not dropping a single point in the set, 24 consecutive points).

          This is Ferrer’s quarter and not much going on in here other than it is basically the land of the Giants. Monfils aka Beetlejuice, Ernest Gulbis who almost took out Divadal in Rome, Berdshite and Raonic all running around in this section. They are all tremendous athletic specimen but none of them has actually done the improbable and truly find their game when it really counts. Ferrer knows the clay courts better than all of them combined and though he cannot overpower them, he can out maneuver them, which on clay is the name of the game.  

Roger Federer

I gotta stretch more in my old age

          Mr. Federer is in the bottom half of the draw and could be facing a lot of Frenchmen who have all been problematic for him in the past and recent times. Simon, Benneteau and Tsonga. Divadal’s ex Juan Monaco is also around but truth be told none of these players including Mr. Federer himself has shown much of much this season. Juan Monaco is still recovering from the fact that Divadal decided to grow back his beard. Almost destroyed the man since things looked so good during the off season. Anyway I digress. Nonetheless, we cannot discount Mr. Federer as he is a major player and he should be good enough to get to the quarters/semis at the very least if all goes well.      

Gurlfriend it's fine. You can come here anytime you want. I own this place.

Gurlfriend it’s fine. You can come here anytime you want. I own this place.


   Interesting 1st round match ups

o   Benoit vs Bagdatis

o   Beetlejuice vs Berdshite

o   Blake vs Troicki (where the winner will still be a loser)

o   Simon vs Hewitt

Could you stop looking at my bald spot? I am working on it and so is Rogaine. Now mind your business.

Could you stop looking at my bald spot? I am working on it and so is Rogaine. Now mind your business.

          My pick for the winner: Smart money will always be Divadal. He is 6 for 7 at these championships and has made all 7 finals of the 7 tournaments he has played losing 2 titles since his return this year. If there is an upset brewing, it will be Djoker. Mr. Federer 2013 French Open champ? Unlikely but you know I will be all for this. I will always be on the Mr. Federer’s bandwagon. But the real truth of the matter is that he has to hope for a Divadal defeat to stand a chance. I watched that Roma final couple of weeks ago and I am telling you, Rome hasn’t seen that kinda massacre since the assassination of Julius Ceasar. It was brutal. Roger barely escaped with his life. I’m keeping it real here, he does not stand a chance especially since he doesn’t employ my strategy see previous post. But I will support him to the end.

Mr. Federer, what happened in the Roma final? Well what had happen was....I forgot

Mr. Federer, what happened in the Roma final? Well what had happen was….I have no recollection of this incident you speak of.


France Tennis French Open

And that’s why I am the only itch!!

–  Well this clay court season, it has been all about the Serenanator as it was last year. Ho, this year, the American went even further. She has not lost a match since January in Aussie Open quarter-finals. Wait, she lost the Doha final to Vickie in 3 sets. But she picked up Miami, Charleston, Madrid and Rome to find herself the overwhelming favourite for this major clay court title. Whether it be green, red or use to be blue clay, the American is a hurricane on the court, blowing away all opponents in convincing fashion. She was in similar form last year only to be bounced out of Paris by the unlikely Virginie Razzano. She didn’t even win her mixed doubles match. However, something tells me that history is not likely to repeat itself this year. Carebear Kerber is in this section of the draw but really and truly, I think the Kerber star is fading. She is a good player but that serve is huge liability especially on clay. The Germany will face her compatriot Moaning Mona Barthel in the 1st round and that might be her undoing if Mona plays to potential. Kuzi-Rex is floating around here and can be a dangerous opponent but she is just so inconsistent and injured these days. Vinci is also around and she might just prove to be the Italiana to find herself in a 4th consecutive French Open ladies final. Danish Biscuit is also mucking about the place but this cookie has not won a single match on clay this season I think. She is 0-5.

If tennis does not work out for me, I'll be Rory's bag lady. Plus I get to keep an eye on my man...Ain't none of those leftover Tiger itches be getting at my man.

If tennis does not work out for me, I’ll be Rory’s bag lady. Plus I get to keep an eye on my man…Ain’t none of those leftover Tiger itches be getting at my man.

–          Bratzwanska is in bottom quarter of the top half section and starts off against Shahar Peer who has most certainly lost her way in tennis. Venus Williams is also in this section but with an ailing back plus her syndrome and horrid serve, I think she might get bounced in the 2nd round. I say she takes out Urszula Radwanska in the 1st round. Errani will face Bratzwanska if seeds hold true to form but neither of these players has looked in top form as of late.  Ivanovic the Terrible, Losicki, Lady Hobbit Navarro and Julia Georges are also in this section.


–          Vickie is in the bottom half and may have to face LiNaLi in the quarters if they play well. Vickie is not the best clay court player but she is not the worst and should make it through to the quarters. However, Fatoli and Krazilenko might have something to say to this. Young British hopeful Heather Watson is in this part of the draw and could win a couple of rounds if she is smart about it.

–          Kvitova aka Grand High Witch aka GHW is in the bottom quarter along with Shriekapova. Kvitova faces Rezai in the 1st round and knowing how crazy the Czech can be, she might very well lose to the Frenchwoman in spectacular fashion. Fivehead Jankovic will take on Daniella Hantuchova in the 1st round and I am sure it will be a mess of a match. That should be interesting though. Nonetheless, I see Shriekapova screaming her way to the quarters at the very least. She intends to defend her improbable 2012 French Open title and truly she has been the 2nd best clay court player of this season. Chances are if she gets to the final and meet the Serenanator, she will be destroyed but the Russian is not one to waste a golden opportunity. Last year, all her greatest threats were out before the semis and she easily snagged herself the French crown. So the other ladies with designs on this crowd in mind best beware that Shriekapova came here to fight and she will cut a itch.

Let me put my hair in a ponytail. Where's my Vaseline? I'm ready for these itches not names Serenanator

Let me put my hair in a ponytail. Where’s my Vaseline? I’m ready for these itches not named Serenanator

–          My pick is definitely the Serenanator who if she can battle her demons and put the madness of her being some kinda dropshot specialist out of her mind, she will have her 2nd French title; 11 years since her 1st one in 2002. Of course in my dreams, I see Ebony Starr winning this title. I can deal with a semi-finals appearance but losing to the Serenanator. The Serenanator worked very hard this year for this title and truly deserves it. However, majors are not charities. You want one, you have to win one and there is nothing the Serenanator loves doing but winning.



Germany Tennis

I think he is finally over Divadal

So this concludes our first edition for the 2013 French Open coverage. Play begins on Sunday and not Monday and the French Tennis Federation has packed the day with the William sisters, Simon, Hewitt, Mr. Federer, Ivanovic the Terrible and Ferrer are all slated to play on the 1st Sunday.


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