Realz

French Open 2013: Jour 2

In Agnes Radwanska, Angelique Kerber, Bernard Tomic, Carla Suarez Narravo, Caroline Wozniacki, Daniel Brands, David Goffin, Fernando Verdasco, Francesca Schiavone, French Open, Gael Monfils, Grigor Dimitrov, Jerzy Janowicz, Li Na, Lukas Rosol, Melanie Oudin, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Paul-Henri Mathieu, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Robin Haase, Stanislav Wawrinka, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tomas Berdych, Varvara Lepchenko, Victoria Azarenka on May 27, 2013 at 1:13 am

On Day 2 of action at the French Open, no real huge upset took place amongst the ladies in contention.
6th seed LiNaLi took out Spanish Anabel Medina-Garrigues in straight sets 6-3 6-4. The Spaniard could have been a tough customer as she took a bagel set off the Serenanator several weeks ago in Madrid. However, clearly that was due to a drop in form from the American more so than the Spaniard being that good.

Trying to find her 2011 French Open form again is LiNaLi

Trying to find her 2011 French Open form again is LiNaLi

4th seed Bratzwanska will join her sister in the 2nd round as she quite quickly destroyed Shahar Peer of Israel with 2 breadsticks 6-1 6-1. Peer has most definitely lost her way in this sport of tennis and it would do well for her to find her form again and find it real soon. Meanwhile, Bratzwanska, no stranger to fashion faux-pas decided that blondes have more fun and coloured her hair. I do not know what inspired this change but I wish she will soon be inspired to change it back. It is not a cute look. Accept that you are not the prettier sister and just work on your game.

It was definitely a dumb move to be blond Bratzwanska

It was definitely a dumb move to be blond Bratzwanska

10th seed Wozniacki aka Danish Biscuit aka Mrs. Mcilroy came into the French Open riding high on a 6 match losing streak. She has not won a single match all clay court season. By right, she can take the retirement from Andreas Petkovic in Charleston as a win though no actual point was played. Petkovic pulled out before the start of the match. Nonetheless she has not been her usual self as of late and to add more fuel to the fire, she has finally decided yet again to part ways with daddy Piotr as coach. Let us see how long this will last. However, in the immediacy, she finally won a match. So there might be hope for her after all. Anyway, Woz was playing a very dangerous player in the form of Laura Robson of Great Britain. However, Danish Biscuit had something to prove and she simply crushed Robson 6-3 6-2. No place like the present at a major to find your form and win matches.

Considering a lot of the nonsense Danish Biscuit has worn throughout the ages, it is really tough for me to say that this outfit is the ugliest. Why is Stella still designing??

Considering a lot of the nonsense Danish Biscuit has worn throughout the ages, it is really tough for me to say that this outfit is the ugliest. Why is Stella still designing??

Gosh to be sucking more than Danish Biscuit must really sucks!

Gosh to be sucking more than Danish Biscuit must really sucks!

2nd seed Shriekapova was her usual early-in-a-major-dominant-self, surrendering only 3 games to her opponent. We are never worried about Shriekapova getting to the 2nd week of a major. The issue is always her ability to come up with an effective game plan against a quality opponent whilst in the latter rounds. Nonetheless, for now, she will move on comfortably. Other notable players through to the 2nd round are 15th seed Roberta Vinci, 8th seed Carebear Kerber who dispatched her compatriot Moaning Mona Barthel, 2010 French Open winner Francesco Schiabone, 20th seed Carlo Suarez-Navarro, Serbian Bojana Jovanovski (I heart her) and Kuzi-Rex knocked out the 22nd seed and fellow Russian Makarova. This does not really count as an upset since Kuzi is the far more talented of the two and 2009 French Open champ.

Thanks for coming gurl. The exit is left and you can pick up the loser cheque on your way out!

Thanks for coming gurl. The exit is left and you can pick up the loser cheque on your way out!

17th seed Sloane Stephens is also through to the 2nd round and will be joined fellow Americans 29th seed Varvarne Lepchenko, Vania King (Saw Clown) Melanie Oudin (yes that Melanie), Bethanie Mattek-Sands and Madison Keys. Christina McHale lost to some girl I do not even know. She was the only American playing that did not go through today. Pretty impressive from the American girls. The lone upset on the ladies side had to come from Julia Georges, the 24th seed. She got bounced in straight sets 6-7 0-6 by a qualifier, Zuzana Kucova. I do not know what to say about Georges. Others will say it is physical injuries hampering her game but I would say, it is more likely brain damage. She is just another case of those young guns on tour just shooting blanks.

Sloane is being more tight lipped these days after her verbal diarrhea attack against the Serenanator

Sloane is being more tight lipped these days after her verbal diarrhea attack against the Serenanator

Divadal almost got pegged in the 1st round

Divadal almost got pegged in the 1st round

Things were far more interesting on the men’s side today than on the ladies. I have to say that so far after 2 days of play at the French, I have enjoyed quite a number of matches far more so than usual. Anyway, I digress. Divadal found himself facing a possible 2 set to love deficit at the hands of my baby Daniel Brands of Germany. Brands is not a particularly super talented player. However, he can be quite spectacular if he plays his game and did he ever today. That forehand of his was absolutely SEXY and he was beating Divadal for pace and down the line with that shot. Brands took the 1st set 6-4 and was up 3-1 in the 2nd set tiebreaker. However, he got a bit ahead of himself and Divadal finally decided to hit the panic/escape button in this nightmare of a match he was having. He wrested control of the match, snatching the tiebreaker then breaking Brands at the beginning of both 3rd and 4th sets to claim victory and begin his walk home to his 8th French Open crown. Lord Clay Divadal 4-6 7-6 6-4 6-3.

You're so beautiful Daniel! I know but I am not into you!

You’re so beautiful Daniel! I know but we’re not a match

Wildcard entrant Gael Monfils upset Tomas Berdych 5th seed in 5 sets. I mean seriously this is not really an upset of sorts but Monfils is coming off a long layoff from the game. However, he was really magnificent against the Czech. Monfils aka Beetlejuice in these parts has been known to be a regular wild card on the court. He was an impressive junior (almost won the grand slam of junior titles but injury finished him off at the US Open). Beetlejuice has been one of the few junior players as of late to transition from boys to men quite seamlessly. The issue with him though is that he always seemed to be about theatrics and actual tactic on the court. However, some time ago at the Australian Open if I am not mistaken when he was injured and played against Mikhail Kukushkin, Beetle showed a level of maturity I thought I would never see from him. He fought so bravely in that match and despite losing it, he gave it his all. He impressed me on that day and today, he went even further. It was a quality match between the two with some spectacular shots and wonderful plays.

Beetlejuice showing heart. However, we have no idea WTF he's wearing. I don't know if it is an ugly sweater or a hideous shirt. BTW, you got dropped by NewBalance? Really? Things were that bad out there in the wilderness of injury?

Beetlejuice showing heart. However, we have no idea WTF he’s wearing. I don’t know if it is an ugly sweater or a hideous shirt. But for once we can say, his hair is looking really nice!! BTW, you got dropped by NewBalance? Really? Things were that bad out there in the wilderness of injury?

Nonetheless, Berdych acted as though Monfils owed him the match and refused to seize the money. He got ahead of himself and got broken in the 5th set to have Monfils serve out the match. Monfils served extremely well, being broken once. I know the French are all ecstatic with win because no one energizes them like Monfils. But the French need to be checked because Monfils is not winning this thing. It was a good/excellent win but let us not get crazy now. He just beat Berdych okay and to be quite frank, knowing Berdshite like I do, he can lose to anyone like that; not to take anything away from the Frenchman. Monfils 7-6 6-4 6-7 6-7 7-5

2013+French+Open+Day+2+jPMajVMdk_Al

H&M is your endorsement deal? WTF is going on in the world today? Is this a sign of the harsh economic times. You are working with European K-Mart. The ATP should have some kinda quality control about these kinda things.

6th seed Tsonga won his match quite easily as did his countryman Richard Gasquet (7). They went through to the 2nd round as did Julian Benneteau (30) who looked to have lost the plot at one point after being up 2 sets to love and 5-1 I think in the 3rd but he got it together late in the 4th set, taking it in the breaker. Jarko Nieminen of Finland halted the French wave by knocking out Paul-Henri Mathieu in 5 sets. 11th seed Nicolas Almagro won his match in 4 sets (This Spaniard might need an intervention soon because I think he is hanging out with Tabasco Verdasco too much as of late). Ernest Gulbis also won and will face Monfils in the 2nd round. Up and coming Jerszy Janowicz (21) also won as did Lukas Rosol (last man to beat Divadal at a major). Other winners include 32nd seed Tommy Robredo (on the comeback tour) and 27th seed Fabio Fognini (that hot Italian sausage). Marin Chin Cilic (10) and Kei Nishikori (13) will be in the 2nd round as will John Isner aka BFG and fellow American Ryan Harrison.

Is Tsonga also working as a ball boy at these championships?

Is Tsonga also working as a ball boy at these championships?

By way of upsets we have Juan Monaco, the 17th seed who cannot seem to get his tennis life together much these days. Mr. Divadal Ex was up 2 sets to love but then decided that winning the match might not be what he wanted to do right that instance. I guess as his opponent was Spaniard, Daniel Gimeno-Traver, he was having some kinda of Divadal flashback because he clearly checked out. Spanish boys seem to be his kryptonite. Juanito boo, get your shite together! It is over between you and Divadal. You knew that he was not going to commit to you and shave his beard. It hurts but let that go and move on. Let me tell you, the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. And my name is Someone Else okay! I can deal with leftovers if you are what is being microwaved. I’m just saying okay.

Daniel Gimeno-Traver got Monaco's head all wrapped up. I mean he is not an ugly guy, albeit better looking than Divadal but there are certainly hotter Spanish men out there.

Daniel Gimeno-Traver got Monaco’s head all wrapped up. I mean he is not an ugly guy, albeit better looking than Divadal but there are certainly hotter Spanish men out there.

In other news, an Aussie youngster Nick Kyrgios took out Shark Boy Radek Stepanek in straight sets all in tiebreaker. Now that is remarkable from the 18-year-old especially against a veteran solid player like Stepanek. American Rhyne Williams lost in the 3rd and final stage of qualifying to get into the main draw of the French Open. However, due to a late withdrawal, he was entered as a “Lucky Loser” into the draw. Funny thing was that he was not so lucky as he would be facing the same guy who beat in the qualies and he would lose to him again. I am sorry Rhyne but the upside is that you still get a decent cheque for losing in the 1st round of main draw but get jack shite for losing in the qualies at any stage.

Djoker vs Goffin

Djoker vs Goffin

Anyway, that is about it for major happenings on Day 2 at the French Open. Day 3 will see the conclusion of all the 1st round matches. Djoker Harlequeen (1) will begin his assault for claiming his 1st French Open title as does Vickie. Both may have tough customers on their hands by way of David Goffin of Belgium (almost stretched Mr. Federer to the limit last year at the French) and the Russian Elena Vesnina (knocked Venus out of 1st round of Wimbledon). However, I am not worried about either player. Petra Kvitova aka GHW (Grand High Witch) that enigma of anomalies will also play. No one is entirely sure which Petra will show up on court tomorrow, not even Petra. So watch out for that match against Rezai, there might be an upset there. The only comfort Petra can have is that Rezai is capable of playing worse even when her opponent is clearly struggling. Sam D’Stove Stosur (9), 2010 French Open finalist will also open her campaign tomorrow as do Delicious Dimitrov, Stan Wawrinka (9) who is battling injury, Tabasco Verdasco, Fatoli Bartoli (13) and Tommy Haas (12). I do not see much of an upset happening tomorrow though I do think that Nicolas Mahut will beat Douchsarevic in 4-5 sets. Also one has to wonder about the rains in Paris as we have had two lovely days of play so far.

REALZ MIXED BAG PHOTOS

The Hotties

Jerzy Hotness in full effect

Jerzy Hotness in full effect

Ah mon Cher Brandy. Poetry in Motion

Ah mon Cher Brandy. Poetry in Motion

Petzschner is definitely trending in my mind right

Petzschner is definitely trending in my mind right

Oh Robin Haase...the hot flying Dutchman. I'll set sail with you any day...

Oh Robin Haase…the hot flying Dutchman. I’ll set sail with you any day…

Fognini got me seeing all cloudy right now and I am close to precipitating all over the place. Way too much condensation for one man!

Fognini got me seeing all cloudy right now and I am close to precipitating all over the place. Way too much condensation for one man!

The Notties

Beetlejuice was playing so beautiful yesterday that I forgot how unpretty he is. But then I saw this and it's All coming back to me now!

Beetlejuice was playing so beautiful yesterday that I forgot how unpretty he is. But then I saw this and it’s All coming back to me now!

Melanie Oudin what's going on gurl? You are dressed like a butternut squash while looking like a cabbage patch doll!

Melanie Oudin what’s going on gurl? You are dressed like a butternut squash while looking like a cabbage patch doll!

The Feminine Mystique? Someone get this girl some ribbons or something quick. I mean seriously, why does Carlo look like this? Though I have to say that the colour looks really nice on her.

The Feminine Mystique? Someone get this girl some ribbons or something quick. I mean seriously, why does Carlo look like this? Though I have to say that the colour looks really nice on her.

Kuzi-Rex WTF is this shite? I would have said it was impossible before but you are wearing a nursery rhyme.

Kuzi-Rex WTF is this shite? I would have said it was impossible before but you are wearing a nursery rhyme.

I saw this picture of Kuzi-Rex at Elena Dementieva's wedding. I do not even know where to begin but Kuzi is really giving Big Gurl Butch/Fem Queen Realness all in one!

I saw this picture of Kuzi-Rex at Elena Dementieva’s wedding and I had to share it. I do not even know where to begin but Kuzi is really giving Big Gurl Butch/Fem Queen Realness all in one! The SHOES! The DRESS! The HAIR! SMH

Other Realz Shots

I think hers is bigger than yours Divadal

I think hers is bigger than yours Divadal

Carebear Kerber is so pumped up and so is her ----!!!

Carebear Kerber is so pumped up and so is her —-!!!

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  1. Whoreniacki didn’t crush Laura. Laura hit a boatload of UEs lol

    • Well the scoreline says differently and it is even worst if Robson is choking against Wozniacki when she is in such poor form

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