French Open 2013: Jour 3

In Alexander Dolgopolov, Bernard Tomic, Daniel Brands, David Goffin, Dominika Cibulkova, Fernando Verdasco, French Open, Grigor Dimitrov, Jelena Jankovic, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Sam Stosur, Tennis, Yaroslava Shevedova on May 28, 2013 at 6:55 pm
The rains were most definitely not in Spain today!

The rains were most definitely not in Spain today!

Day 3 of the 2013 French Open was seriously hampered by the rains. The heavens poured out its tears and delayed the start of play by nearly 3 hours and then later lead to another suspension of play for a time being. This led to a serious hampering of play for the day. Of the 40 slated singles matches, only 26 were completed. Three additional matches were suspended after poor lighting. Officials out right cancelled several matches so that players avoid hanging around the courts in vain. Maria Krazilenko asked via Twitter, whether she was Wimbledon after her match was cancelled. See it definitely makes sense to play on the 1st Sunday. Nonetheless, it means that on Day 4, there will 42 singles matches to be played of which 14 will be 1st round encounters to be completed plus doubles actions. Hopefully most of these are all completed by the end of the day.


It’s like at every major, there is a contest to see who can be the most ridiculous at drying the courts!

Of the matches that were completed, there were dramatics that could only be produced at majors.

On the ladies’ side

Marion Bartoli (13) found herself up against Belarussian (I think) Olga Govortsova and for much of the match, Bartoli’s play was being outmatched by her opponent. In fact, in all three sets that were played, Olga served for each set. However, experience at this level at the sport counts for much. Thus Bartoli came through in the end 7-6 4-6 7-5. Bartoli as always did not look pretty doing it and at the end, she was up against the rope to close out the match but she held strong to give her country yet another dramatic match to cheer about. I have to say though that there was more choking in this match than some bad snuff porn film. It was as though neither player wanted to win and serving for a true advantage led to the server forgetting how to play.


Look at this, and black is suppose to be slimming

While we are on the subject of Bartoli aka Fatoli aka La petite grosse, I am going to say it, she looks fat ie fatter than usual or perhaps whatever weight she had lost recently, she gained back with a vengeance. There was a rumour that she is not working with her father anymore but I am sure he is still the master of this design. A fanz recently posted a video of Bartoli training at the US Open last year. Words fail to accurately describe what is going on in the video. It is like you are watching some spoof for training only that you know it is real….it is very real. I do not understand what the game plan is for Dr. Bartoli and Marion but I am going to say that it is not working. There is a reason why Marion has not really made it big on tour and fails to be consistent and that is her physical fitness.

I do not know whether her status as the top French woman is due to her “talent” or the lack of true talent amongst the other French ladies. Do not mistake me, Marion can play tennis and from her results, she can play at the top level. However, I have said this before, looking at Marion play tennis, is like watching Bizarro in action against Superman. Added to that, there always seem to be some crazy internal struggle going on in her head and not just the normal tennis demons. Marion never looks comfortable on court. As a matter of fact, she just never looks comfortable at all in any arena I have seen her. Truth be told she reminds me so much of Tina Belcher of Bob’s Burger; that awkward adolescent girl still trying to come to terms with her body, mind and the world. Anyway, I have spent too much time on this subject. However, I welcome feedback on the intriguing subject that is Marion Bartoli.

Tina Belcher aka Marion Bartoli

Tina Belcher aka Marion Bartoli

D'Stove is going hard today! Look at those biceps!!

D’Stove is going hard today! Look at those biceps!!

Speaking of French ladies, Alize Cornet (31) won a match and did so convincingly too at that; 7-5 6-2. I very much expected her to fold like a cheap tent but she held strong. Congrats Alize! Sam D’Stove Stosur came out strong and hard against Granny Goodness Date-Krumm, beating her 6-0 6-2. It almost looked at one point that the Aussie was going to knock her Japanese opponent out of the tournament love and love but Granny had to pee and returned to court light enough to win those two games. Good of her to save face like that. There is much to admire about Krumm out here on tour doing it at 40+, which makes it impossible for me to understand, what hell is going on with many of these younger players who are just struggling for dear life.

Fivehead Jungle Witch Jankovic

Fivehead Jungle Witch Jankovic

The Fivehead Jungle Witch match up against Daniela Hantuchova was pitiful. I wish I knew what was going on in Daniela’s life because she can be constant source of disappointment. She dropped the 1st set 4-6 but homegurl was up 5-0 in the 2nd and then blew that lead like a $5 hooker at the point. It was ridiculous. I mean granted that Fivehead is no slouch but I mean seriously, Daniela gurl WTF? You served for it like twice and got broken and in the tiebreaker, you failed to understand the urgency of the matter. It would have been so much better if you lost the match in 3 sets and do not dare blame the rain for your suckiness. You really need to get your life together. Fivehead JW 6-4 7-6

Such a pretty face but at times I wonder if it is not just space in all your grace

Such a pretty face but at times I wonder if it is not just space in all your grace

16th seed Dominika Cibuttkova won her match quite comfortably 6-1 6-4 but the two Americans ladies who got to play, Coco Vendeweghe and Laura/Lauren Davis both lost respectively to Yaroslava Shvedova and Kristina Mladenovic of France.

Jelena watching her man play.

Jelena watching her man play.

On the men’s side: Djoker Harlequeen (1) had a not so easy time against David Goffin of Belgium 7-6 6-4 7-5. Djoker seem to be in conserving energy kinda more. He is the type of player who extends only the amount of energy necessary to get the job done. He does not have to blitz a guy to prove a point and his apparent weakness or aliment is usually not a true indicator of how well he can play at that moment. I mean after all, he comes from the Serbian School of On Court Trickery and HighJinx. (No disrespect to Serbia/Serbians but you all know that your players can fake an injury in 2 seconds flat. I am sure Serbian players hold the record for calling trainers on court.) Anyway, he is through as is 12th seed Tommy Haas who ended Guillaume Rufin’s hopes of some magical run at home. It is Haas who is actually having a magical run this year. The German is 34/35 and still very competitive on tour. 9th seed Stan Wawrinka is also through to the 2nd round as are Nikolay Davydenko, Tabasco Verdasco, 26th seed Mr. Shriekapova Dimitrov (26), 29th seed Mikhail Youhzny, 16th seed Philip Kohlschreiber and Jack Sock (the lone American to win today).

You're not going to have me out here wasting my time like you did Mr. Federer last year. Ain't nobody got time for that!

You’re not going to have me out here wasting my time like you did Mr. Federer last year. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

By way of upset, Bernard Tomic lost to Victor Hanescu by virtue of his retirement but truth be told, he was losing. I do not think I have mentioned this before but Tampomic’s father has been banned from the tour (can’t even be a spectator) after he was charged with assaulting Bernardo’s hitting partner. Like seriously Daddy Douche, WTF? 22nd seed Alexandr Dolgopolov aka Boywholookslikeagirlwholookslikeaboy (BWLLAGWLLAB) lost to Dmitri Tursunov. This match surprised me in the fact that Dolgopolov folded so easily. Make no mistake, I knew he was going to lose this match but I figured he would have delayed the inevitable by doing so in 5 sets but I guess Tursunov had better things to do with myself. Good of him. I think we can safely say now that Dolgopolov is not going to turn into that massive force on tour despite the huge well of potential that he has. He is just going to be a body in the corps de ballet waving that bush around in the background. Meanwhile, our attention is focused on the display of brilliance from other more mentally fortified players. He really needs to get his shite together. The 28th seed, Florian Mayer got bounced by Denis Istomin in straight sets.

Yes Mr. Goffin aka Frodo Baggins, even I too am confused as to why you are only capable to showing your tennis prowess at the French Open but suck all year long

Yes Mr. Goffin aka Frodo Baggins, even I too am perplexed as to why you are only capable of showing your tennis prowess at the French Open but suck all year long

Well folks, Day 4 promises to be action packed as nearly everyone and their grandmother will be playing for a spot in the next round. See y’all tomorrow. Don’t forget to spread word around about RealzTenisFanz. I would really appreciate more followers on Twitter, likes on Facebooks and readership and comments on the Blog. THANKS. You know all of this is for you my fanz.


The Hotties


Maxime Teixeira of France… HOTNESS


Tabasco Verdasco though a douche, is always worth a taste


Beautiful Benoit Paire… I mean he is even part of the food group. Nothing better than starting off your morning with some paire.

What a lovely juicy Paire!!

What a lovely juicy Paire!!


Delicious Dimitrov, although he is allegedly taken… we can still admire


Well well well.. Marcos Baghdatis ain’t Fatdatis anymore… showing off that nice flat stomach with a treasure trail to gold

France Tennis French Open

Oh Mon Cher Brands is always worth a second look….

The Notties

France Tennis French Open

I am not sure which is uglier, the outfit or him?


Bartoli, you need to get your life together as well as get in shape


Seriously, he’s pregnant!



Sweetie, we don’t that in mixed company


Umpire let!! Some fcuker just farted! Folks lay off the cheese

There is a disturbing fashion trend amongst the ladies these days: Long tights under mini skirts! I have seen Vickie in this get up and even tennis fashion icon, Venus Williams sports this attire from time to time. Ladies STOP IT!! It’s not cute. Either you wear the skirt and a short tight or just the tights. I mean just look at these messes below.


Someone get Nadia a GPS to find her game. Every time you think she's found her way, she gets lost again

Bernard Tomic

Okay listen Tampomic, we about to remove your brain and your mouth from your @$$. Hopefully, this procedure stops you from becoming an even bigger douche in life

France Tennis French Open

Miss, I do not know who you are but you have achieved the near impossible of looking like a girl creep

I don't care what you say about it being some logo for high-end brand, that's a frigging crocodile and birds don't fcuk with crocodiles.

I don’t care what you say about it being some logo for high-end brand, that’s a frigging crocodile and birds don’t fcuk with crocodiles.

France Tennis French Open

I am just going to take a picture with my iphone and tweet how the ump is just crazy with these line calls. Retweet if you see that it’s in


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