Realz

2015 Australian Open Day 5: You don’t come for Granny Vee!

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2015 at 7:09 pm

So Day 5 happened and boy am I still in shock! The only reason why I am still alive right now is because Day 6 happened but let us not get too ahead of ourselves.

This may or may not be an accurate depiction of me after Day 5 of this Aussie Open

This may or may not be an accurate depiction of me after Day 5 of this Aussie Open

So before the action of Day 5 even got under way, the Twitter world was fire when it was tweeted that Camila Giorgi who was set to play Granny Vee Venus Ebony Starr Williams in the 3rd round had ALLEGEDLY said when asked about Venus Williams, “I don’t know her!” Come again? Thot what? To add insult to injury, Camila allegedly added, “I only watched Sampras and Agassi back then!” Twitter lost its gaddam mind over this shite. I found it hilarious and added my 2 cents … actually I added way more than that to the pool. It was about a dollar and some change. However, before I get to how I spent my money I wanted to address the specifics of Giorgi’s shade because if this is all true and she did say this, though I have yet to uncover any validity to the “Twitter Testimony”, we have to address it. It cannot go unchecked at all!

First off, Giorgi is about 22 years old if I am not mistaken. Keep that in mind. In her alleged comments about not knowing Venus Williams and only being familiar with (Pete) Sampras and (Andre) Agassi, she did two things there. (I have to admit that this was quality shade! You gotta give credit where credit is due! She came to field with some good shite. She got A grade stuff) Anywho, so what Giorgi did was 1) Diss Venus on her age and 2) Diss her on her relevance. Speaking from a pre-match hype perspective, she is really doing well to set the stage for drama. For a weaker player, this would have been near mental nuclear bomb. However, this is Granny Vee we are talking about; she ain’t bothered! WTA Wenches do not bother her in the least.

grb5h

So Giorgi went after Venus’s age. When Granny Vee was 22, she was not only winning major matches CONSISTENTLY, she was number 1 in the world if I am not mistaken. She had 4 major titles and 2 Olympic gold medals. When Venus showed up at the US Open for the first time at age 17, she made it to the final on debut. She was no one-hit wonder either because she was making it consistently to the 2nd week of majors. She was winning other important titles too. She won her first two majors at 20. So Camila gurl what have you done in your 22 years of feeble existence? Silence* Crickets chirping* Just like I suspected, Nothing! And the crickets know it too. Now, don’t cry because that is just going to cheapen the whole thing and make me look like a bully when you were the one who started this. I am just going to be the one to finish it. You came out swinging in the Shady Pines Tournament. This is what it is really like in the big leagues of ShadyVille! The library is open boo and you are about to get read!

the library is open - read

And no I am not done! So back in 2002 when Pete Sampras played his LAST PROFESSIONAL match when you were about 9 or 10, he played it at the US Open beating Agassi in the final. But do you know who was in the women’s finals that year? Yeah you guessed it, the defending champion Venus Williams v Serena Williams, her younger sister. Back in 2000-2003, Venus and her sister put women’s tennis back on the map and have been the ones doing so till now. See the brand of tennis coverage that people get when it is not about the Williams Sisters is not about tennis at all. It is all about superficial stuff like glitz and glamour etc. I think that is the strategy your mama is taking by dressing you in Sailor Moon shorts. (Your mama is fair game since your papa put his mouth into the fray saying, you’re better than Venus! Papa please! Have a seat … have several in fact!)

The Sisters were doing it for themselves and for you too!!

The Sisters weren’t just doing it for themselves BUT for you too!!

But again I digress. Before there was Divadal, Mr. Federer, Djoker, Lochness Murray, Shriekapova and Azarenka, there was Venus and then Serena! They are the reason you get equal prize money at most tournaments, particularly Venus. So when you say, you don’t know Venus, you not just being shady, you are being downright disrespectful and you have to be checked. And I am the one to check you! But then again, if we are talking money and checks, those are issues for you no? Apparently you got none and the only checks you can issued are from the Banks of PlayDoh and Mattel. So you are able to buy Park Place on the Monopoly board and all of a sudden you feel you got strength to talk. Why don’t you scrape up the few pennies you have and get yourself some humble pie and pay hom-mage to the greatness that is Venus Williams? Venus is not only making bank on the tour, she owns an Interior Design Company, Fashion Design as well as partnership in other major corporations including the Miami Dolphins. You on the other hand cannot pay your creditors in trident layers gum even if they were willing to accept it.

gq4de

You might not know this but it is because of Venus why we are even noting your presence at the Australian Open this year. You might think that beating Flavia Pennetta (12) was some great achievement for you because maybe you’ll get picked for the Fed Cup team this year ahead of Karin Knapp but for Venus that’s just a routine day at the office. And gurl, let’s be on the real right now, Francesca Schiavone got more relevance than you. See the real question is not whether you know Venus but it is whether Venus knows you?

gfs_49450_2_16

I could FINISH you right now but I am gonna let Professor Serena have the final words on this matter when she told reporters this of her sister. I am gonna need you to pay attention for this bit … Wait can you even afford to pay attention?

CAPTION CORRECTION The Championships - Wimbledon 2013: Previews

“Yeah, she came in as a new face, a black woman that was shaking up the world. She had all the pressure on her shoulders. I kind of came in behind her. You know, just snuck in there. There was no pressure on me at all. She dealt with it so amazing. She had a lot of confidence and she had so much class and still does throughout everything. You can see that her personality is pretty much the same. She’s definitely grown but she’s always been very mature and very regal.”

Q. Was there a public moment in public when you were most proud of your sister?

“So many things. I mean, her sticking up for equal rights in Dubai when they wouldn’t let certain players play, her sticking up for equal prize money for the WTA in Wimbledon. So many different things that she’s done for the tour that’s made it a better place not just for me but for all the female players.”

Now you can cry! And may I never hear another word of this matter alleged or otherwise because next time, I am not gonna be so nice!

Jujubee-library-reading-to-filth

Back to our regular scheduled program:

So let us get to the real matter at hand, the tennis,

Mr. Federer had a bad day at the office

Mr. Federer had a bad day at the office

I guess we should start with the menz because the biggest story of the day and perhaps the entire championships, has come from the men’s draw. 4-time Champion here, Mr. Roger Federer has been dismissed by the most unlikely of opponent, Andreas Seppi, a player he has beaten in all 10 previous meetings. Seppi came out swinging and Mr. Federer was well off. Nothing was working for him and his lack of accuracy was paying off for Seppi. Even Mr. Federer’s usual deft on-court instincts were completely off. Twice Mr. Federer let makeable shots float by thinking that they would go long, both on set points no less. Both balls dropped well in resulting in him losing those sets, the last one being the match.

Andreas Seppi

Andreas Seppi

Seppi was clearly the better player. He was the one making the right decisions on court and getting his serve to work as well as getting the right length on his shots. All the breaks were going his way and whenever he was in trouble, Mr. Federer was just not able to capitalize and left his game long enough in order to maintain any advantage. Jim Courier, a former winner here noted something along the lines of “Federer just has to be Federer for 5 minutes in order to turn this match around.” However, it came to be that Federer was only Federer for short bursts of no more than 3 minutes interval and that was enough to get him a break in the 3rd set (A LUCKY NET CORD) but it was not enough to get him to win the match. Seppi took it 6-4 7-6 4-6 7-6. 

What had happened was ...

What had happened was …

This is the first time since 2003 that Mr. Federer has not made it to the semifinals or better at the Australian Open. It was 11 straight years of great performances here in Melbourne!

Mr. Federer had this to say of the match: “For some reason I struggled. Like I explained, it had things to do with Andreas’ game and with my game as well. You put those things together, all of a sudden you’re playing a match you don’t want to play. The rallies are going in a way you don’t like it. Then when I maybe needed my serve the most, it wasn’t quite there, because my baseline game wasn’t there either. It went in phases. But at least I was able to iron out things a bit and able to play much more solid at the back end of the match. But it just broke me to lose that second set. And actually the fourth, I should win it, too. Just a brutal couple of sets to lose there.

How many times have I played night session, day session, night session, day session or day session, night session? Who cares. I think he did well. I struggled today and he took advantage of it really. I wish I believed maybe if we played at night I would have been more comfortable, but at this point who cares, right? I mean, like I’m on the plane and he’s not, so…”

This is why Mr. Federer will forever be my homie slice FOR LIFE!!!

Divadal taking out Dudi Sela

Divadal taking out Dudi Sela

So anyway, Divadal was also set to play. He won his match quite comfortably because he was playing Dudi Sela. Yeah who is he? Sela did not put up much of a fight but Divadal was generous by letting it go to 12 games in the 3rd set: 6-1 6-0 7-5. Meanwhile, Divadal also had a bit of drama sounding his name on the day though I am sure his fans will not see it this way. Craig Tiley, the director of the Australian Open had this to say in regards to Divadal before this match and after this “epic match” v Tim Smyczek: “We saw that Rafa had lost a lot of fluids and Nadal’s team asked us to have the maximum possible time for recovery. We are in permanent contact with players’ teams and this decision was good for both parts, we are all happy and nobody should be upset about this. Rafa is one of the greatest players in this tournaments and a great asset of world tennis. We have to protect him”

I think this is ridiculous! I mean this is so unfair to players. Divadal played a 5-set match and not a 3-day affair a la John Isner and Nicolas Mahut. It is not that serious but as always, tennis has changed its standards for Divadal! As per Divadal, we have changed the court, the ball, the racquet and now we are fixing the schedule to give him the advantage. They might as well just put him in the final without playing the 6 previous rounds.

But anyway, the other menz! Lochness Murray (6) has been quietly making his way thought the draw. He has not dropped random sets and played solid thus far. He got rid of Joao Sousa of Portugal 6-1 6-1 7-5. He will play Dimitrov(10) who was having Marcos Baghdatis give him the run around as they had to go to a 5th set to decide the match. Dimitrov won it 4-6 6-3 3-6 6-3 6-3.

Berdych is still alive and strong in this tournament

Berdych is still alive and strong in this tournament

Other winners include Tomas Berdych (7) aka Berdshite who beat Viktor Triocki 6-4 6-3 6-4. Kevin Anderson (14) took out Richard Gasquet (24) in straight sets which oddly enough seems like an upset to me despite the ranking. Anderson was very decisive in his win 6-4 7-6 7-6 and I expected Gasquet to have done much more than this. However, I guess he had other ideas than living up to my expectations. Tampomic took out Sexy Sam Groth in straight sets 6-4 7-6 6-3 and fellow Aussie Nick Kripsy Kringle Kyrgios won in straight sets 6-3 7-6 6-1.

Goerges is through to the 4th Round of a major

Goerges is through to the 4th Round of a major

On the ladies side, we did not have much of a dramatic turn of events. A lot of the “Upset Queens” were sent packing as several faced each other. Julia Goerges took out Lucie Hradecka in straight sets 7-5 7-6. Hradecka had chances to take at least a set and even push for the match win. However, she lost focus and Goerges found hers at the right moment just when it was waning. Another Upset Queens matchup was Irina-Carmila Begu v Carina Witthoeft. Begu won in straight sets 6-4 6-4. On the other hand, Yanina Wickmayer continued on her upset winning ways when she took out Sara Errani (14) 4-6 6-4 6-3 and through to the 4th round. What is interesting about this victory is the fact that Errani was leading in all 3 sets. However, Wickmayer was on that money train and was not going to let 4th round money pass her by!

I am still here itches! Don't think that lil hiccup will faze

I am still here itches! Don’t think that lil hiccup will faze

All the other top seeded players kept their wits about them and secured straight sets victories. Martha (2) won 6-1 6-1 over Zarina Diyas (31) and Bouchard (7) took out Caroline Garcia 7-5 6-0. Garcia started the match very well but clearly was not about finishing well at all. She let early breaks go by. Simona Halep (3) went through 6-4 7-5 over Bethanie Mattek-Sands, Ekaterina Makarova (10) won over Karolina Pliskova (22) 6-4 6-4 and Shuai Peng (21) took care of Yaroslava Shvedova 7-6 6-3.

Halep is still here too!!

Halep is still here too!!

So there we have it. Day 5’s action! I hope you enjoyed it even if you might be reading it late or at all! 

#TEAMHOTTIES

He's often overlooked but Djoker is goodlooking

He’s often overlooked but Djoker is goodlooking

According to rumours, ... well they're just rumours and won't be repeated here

According to rumours, … well they’re just rumours and won’t be repeated here

Sexy Sam

Sexy Sam

Gorgeous Groth

Gorgeous Groth

And YES I wanna slam Sam

And YES I wanna slam Sam

Pablo Carreno-Busta is HOTNESS, Guillermo Garcia-Lopez ain't too bad himself. THREESOME

Pablo Carreno-Busta is HOTNESS, Guillermo Garcia-Lopez ain’t too bad himself. THREESOME

Karolina Pliskova is cute

Karolina Pliskova is cute

This girl is cute but what I don't get is why is she wearing panty briefs out in public

This girl is cute but what I don’t get is why is she wearing panty briefs out in public

#TEAMWENOTSUREYET

Grigor is losing looks these days. He just ain't doing it for me as of late

Grigor is losing looks these days. He just ain’t doing it for me as of late

Does Akgul Amanmuradova look like ...

Does Akgul Amanmuradova look like …

Nick Kyrgios? STFU Realz!

Nick Kyrgios? STFU Realz!

Mr. Federer’s match in pictures

So Mr. Federer came out as normal, pocketbook and racquet bag

So Mr. Federer came out as normal, pocketbook and racquet bag

Things got sticky going down 0-2 sets

Things got sticky going down 0-2 sets

My play STINKS but I think I can get it together and still win this thing

My play STINKS but I think I can get it together and still win this thing

Nooooooo I can't get it

Nooooooo I can’t get it

FUCK NOOOO I ain't winning this today

FUCK NOOOO I ain’t winning this today

Yeah congratulations and all but don't touch my butt ...

Yeah congratulations and all but don’t touch my butt …

Time to go home and make babies :-)

Time to go home and make babies 🙂

Mirka gurl, I am coming... get ready for me

Mirka gurl, I am coming… get ready for me

They aren’t ready yet! 

Mr. Federer trying to give you the Abs Show but failed

Mr. Federer trying to give you the Abs Show but failed

Marcos trying to give it to you but he's holding it in ... I hope he doesn't stifle himself

Marcos trying to give it to you but he’s holding it in … I hope he doesn’t stifle himself

Marcos Baghdatis during a match

You have two eyes Marcos

You have two eyes Marcos

To see ONE ball

To see ONE ball

Yet you still miss arghhhhh IDIOT

Yet you still miss arghhhhh IDIOT

Time for a medical time out to recuperate

Time for a medical time out to recuperate

Need a Fashion makeover NOW

NOOO Makarova. You can do better than this

NOOO Makarova. You can do better than this

Shuai Peng, we need to fix them edges. They are tore up gurl

Shuai Peng, we need to fix them edges. They are tore up gurl

Kei I am not sure what's going on with the hair accessory ... might be a bit too much

Kei I am not sure what’s going on with the hair accessory … might be a bit too much

Mixed Bag Photos

Can I get your number?

Can I get your number?

WTF is going on there? Who that heifer talking to my man?

WTF is going on there? Who that heifer talking to my man?

A bitch gonna protect her investment and stop these side bitches from taking over

A bitch gonna protect her investment and stop these side bitches from taking over

Andy! Andy! Andy! We LOOOOOVEEE YOUUU

Andy! Andy! Andy! We LOOOOOVEEE YOUUU

I gotta be aware of threats from these twinks too? WTMFF?

I gotta be aware of threats from these twinks too? WTMFF?

Hradecka trying the slipt

Hradecka trying the slipt

Dimitrov showing her how it is DONE!!

Dimitrov showing her how it is DONE!!

And he got his pocketbook too

And he got his pocketbook too

See most of these "fans" be coming out for their people in tank tops etc. However, Richard Gasquet's boys are the only ones shirtless. I wonder why?? Hmmmm

See most of these “fans” be coming out for their people in tank tops etc. However, Richard Gasquet’s boys are the only ones shirtless. I wonder why?? Hmmmm

Why the guy in the Yankee top boobs look bigger than those girls to the side

Why the guy in the Yankee top boobs look bigger than those girls to the side

Look at those hot men sans the one with the hat. He can hold the camera while we get it on in a foursome

Look at those hot men sans the one with the hat. Ain’t nobody here checking for bears! 

Why is his armpits shaved and hers not?

Why is his armpits shaved and hers look it is not?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: