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French Open 2015 Day 6: The French are everywhere at the French Open!!!

In French Open, Roland Garros on May 30, 2015 at 12:26 pm
YASSSSSSSSSSSSS I'm still here!!

YASSSSSSSSSSSSS I’m still here!!

There were no real surprises on Day 6 unless you count the fact that Ana Ivanovic (7) played an absolutely stellar match. I mean from start to finish Ana was in fine form against Donna Vekic, the alleged “Other Woman” to the soon to be dissolved Wawrinkas. This kinda form from the Serbian was what netted her the title here in Paris back in 2008 after making her 1st major final earlier in the year in Melbourne. Ivanovic dismantled Vekis 6-0 6-3. One is hardly sure what to make of this level of play as she was struggling in her first 2 rounds. Anyway, very few picked her to get out of the 1st round but here she is in the Round of 16. This is the first time she has been to the 2nd week of Roland Garros since 2008 when she won the title. 

You don't feel like kiss right now do you?

You don’t feel like kiss right now do you?

She will take on Ekaterina Makarova (9) who knocked out her fellow countrywoman and also longtime doubles partner, Elena Vesnina 6-2 6-4. Makarova has been showing herself to be a “major contender” as she in the 2nd week of a major for the 4th consecutive major. She has made the quarterfinal or semifinal of the last 3 majors. Yet she has never been to a final and in the semifinal she was far from competitive. Anyway, she will take the ranking points as well the prize money.

Martha is the Russian Supreme

Martha is the Russian Supreme

Speaking of Russian, the Queen M herself was in action. Maria Sharapova (2) faced Sam Stosur (26) and many thought that this was going to an interesting match but it was only interesting for health reasons and not the actual tennis. Sharapova dispatched Stosur with relative ease 6-3 6-4. Sam was hardly ever competitive and mostly seemed timid to take charge of the match. However, Sharapova is battling a cold/cough/infection. She does not sound the same and looks rather ill. Nevertheless, she is quite determined to take this trophy for a 3rd time.

She needs all the fluids she can get

She needs all the fluids she can get

Looking like warmed over death

Looking like warmed over death

Sharapova will take on Lucie Safarova (13) who knocked out Sabine Lisicki (20) 6-3 7-6. Surprise! Surprise! Lisicki was up 5-3 in the 2nd set before doing her usual going bonkers in a match and simply gifting the match to Lucie. As we are on the subject of gifting matches, one cannot forget that Mirjana Lucic-Baroni was playing. She took on Alize Cornet (29) for a place in the Round of 16. Despite having the momentum, Lucic-Baroni felt it prudent to piss away the match. This is why I do not understand how it is that Halep did not win a set at least. Anyway, it comes as no surprise that Cornet could not serve out the match initially but Lucic-Baroni just allowed herself to be broken and Cornet was able to take it 4-6 6-3 7-5. Cornet will face Elina Svitolina (19) in the 4th round. Svitolina took out Annika Beck 6-3 2-6 6-4.

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Elina Svitolina has a chance of making it to the latter stages of this tournament

 

There were two “upsets” on the ladies side today, Flavia Pennetta (28) knocked out Carla Suarez-Navarro (8) in straight sets 6-3 6-4. Many felt that Carla was going to make some noise here in Paris as she has played so well all year long. However, as have been pointed out so many times by “The Spin/BridgePea” for all the talk about Carla for years now, she has only won 1 title. That is to say, when the tough get going, Carla gets gone. She does not handle pressure well and it is bad enough she hardly has a kill shot in her repertoire. Anyway, Carla’s real problem of the day was that she could not hold serve to save her life. For the match, she served 9 times and on each occasion but for 2. She was a hot mess. Flavia was no better really but she was the one show more proactive stance and who appeared to be most keen on taking the match. Flavia took it 6-3 6-4. The other upset was Garbine Muguruza (21) taking out Angelique Kerber (11) 4-6 6-2 6-2. Kerber just could not live with the power from Muguruza especially on the serve.  So it will be Pennetta v Muguruza for a place in the quarterfinals.  

Poor Carla has tumbled out of this tournament

Poor Carla has tumbled out of this tournament

So it will be the following in the Round of 16s for the Bottom Half

Ana (6) v Makarova (9)
Svitolina (19) v Cornet (29)
Flavia (28) v Muguruza (21)
Maria (2) v Lucie (13)

Mr. Federer seems to be a solid form

Mr. Federer seems to be a solid form

On the men’s side of things, it seems as though we will have a repeat of the Davis Cup Finals as two Frenchmen will take on two Swiss. Mr. Federer (2) will take on Beetlejuice aka Gael Monfils (13) in the Round of 16, a highly anticipated encounter that many predicted would be an absolutely thrilling encounter ever since the draw came out as Federer has lost his last 2 encounters with Monfils. Mr. Federer earned the right to play Monfils when he took out Damir Dzumhur in straight sets 6-4 6-3 6-2. It was a very solid performance from the former champion as Dzumhur played some fairly decent tennis. He displayed a fearless attitude throughout and it would interesting to see where he is in a couple of years. His game is attractive and he has potential to be top 50 at the very least and with some ambition and luck, top 20.

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice

Monfils was his usual messy self against Pablo Cuevas (21) who I have to say is a bonafide scrub! Cuevas has a really nice game and very capable of being a permanent feature of the top 20. He showed as much against Monfils as he got to a 2-1 sets lead. However, in the 4th set, up 4-1 with the double break and serving for a 5-1 lead, Cuevas decided it was time to choke. When I say Pablo choke, I mean Pablo choked so badly I was near calling doctors to perform the Heimlich maneuver to help save him. The crowd did not need any incentive to get behind Monfils who won 5 straight games to take the 4th set 6-4. In the 5th, Cuevas opened up with a break but got broken immediately barely winning points on serve. In the end, he made the scoreline look cute as he lost the set 3-5. Monfils 4-6 7-6 3-6 6-4 6-3.

Don't worry Pablo I always throw away matches. You'll get over it

Don’t worry Pablo I always throw away matches. You’ll get over it

Stanley (8) will take on Simon (12) as they both won on the day. Stanley had a very easy day at the office as American Steve Johnson was just not ready for the high level of play from the top tier guys. Johnson has an excellent game but it is will need work if he wishes to get to the upper echelon of the sport. There were moments when he displayed brilliant tennis but it was hardly constant as Stanley was dogged about winning here. Stanley through 6-4 6-3 6-2. Simon on the other hand had a tough battle against his countryman Nicolas Mahut. Mahut looked like he was going to make a quick exit from the match after losing the 1st set 2-6 but he fought hard in the 2nd and 3rd sets to win the breakers. However, Simon was not about to be denied this opportunity, he stepped up his game and won the 4th and 5th sets comfortably; Simon 6-2 6-7 6-7 6-3 6-1.

Gilles Simon

Gilles Simon giving you that Old Hollywood Glam

In the other matches, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (14) added to the celebration of the French as he knocked out Pablo Andujar in straight sets 7-6  6-4 6-3. Tsonga will play Tomas Berdych who took out another Frenchman Benoit Paire in the 3rd round. Now Tomas is seeded 4th here and he seems rather uncomfortable with this distinction because all three of his matches thus far this tournament have been very sloppy. None of them he showed any signs of being the supreme player. He was very messy more so than magnificent v Paire who had he been more than a scrub, surely Berdych would have been sent home. Berdych won nonetheless 6-1 6-7 6-3 6-4.

Baby Ali

Baby Ali definitely loves Oral

afsad

I am not sure if Tsonga’s tongue action is stimulating his girlfriend (sitting next to Mrs. Tsonga) or his “boyfriend” behind her

Mrs. Berdych to be checking on her investment

Mrs. Berdych to be checking on her investment

Berdych hasn't look very comfortable this tournament at all. Be interesting to see him in Week 2

Berdych hasn’t look very comfortable this tournament at all. Be interesting to see him in Week 2

Richard Gasquet (20) was able to finish off Carlos Berlocq in the 5th set after their match was suspended due to poor light the day before; Gasquet 3-6 6-3 6-1 4-6 6-1. As noted before, Kei Nishikori (5) is already through to the Round of 16 as Benjamin Becker defaulted from the tournament. Kei will play Teymuraz Gabashvili who knocked out Lukas Rosol 6-4 6-4 6-4. Seems like Rosol has no higher ambition than to collect the 3rd round pay cheque at a major. This was certainly a winnable match for him.  

Dzumhur looks Delicious

Dzumhur looks Delicious

So in the Bottom Half of the men’s draw, this is how the Round of 16s shape up

Kei (5) v Gabashvili
Tsonga (14) v Berdych (4)
Stanley (8) v Simon (12)
Mr. Federer (2) v Monfils (13)

OMG I WON!!! MON DIEU J'AI GAGNE

OMG I WON!!! MON DIEU J’AI GAGNE

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YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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Un moment … I just won my 3rd round match. There’s no trophy. I still have to win 4 more matches for that ….. FUCK ..

 

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French Open 2015 Day 5: A Day of Crises Averted

In French Open, Grand Slam on May 29, 2015 at 5:13 pm
I am so over Day 5 at all

I am so over Day 5 at all. I wanna go home now

Day 5 was a messy day as there were no easy matches for the top players. Even when they were the overwhelming favourites, they somehow complicated their lives on the court. On the ladies end, it was a “Strugglefest” all over the place. First up, Caro Wozniacki (5) was sent packing by Julia Goerges. Now it is rare for Goerges to be finding form at any time of the year. However, this year at majors, the German has really stepped up her game making the 4th round of the Aussie Open and now into the 3rd round of Roland Garros with a 6-4 7-6 victory over the Dane. She gave Wozniacki a lot to think about as she refused to back down from the challenge. Wozniacki who showed such promise at the start of this clay court season working with Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario for about a 2 weeks, quickly slid down the hill after the partnership ended. So yet another top player heading cross the Atlantic to England to prep for grass. On the brighter side of things, Caro did better here this year than she did last year when she lost in the 1st round. 

Fuck this dirt ...

Fuck this dirt …

Not to be outdone in this strugglefest party, Petra Kvitova (4), Serena Williams (1), Svetlana Kuznetsova (18) and Andrea Petkovic (10) all threw in their hands for a chance to show their stuff. Kvitova was fighting it out with some Spaniard, I think Lino Dominguez … No I have that completely wrong, it is was Silvia Soler-Espinosa. Kvitova again having to take 3 sets to get out of the early rounds 6-7 6-4 6-2. Serena is was the same thing. She was a HOT MESS against this Anna-Lena Friedsam whose hair was thirsty as hell. I do not know what was going on with Serena but she continue in this manner, she can bid adieu to her French Open chances. That first set was HORRENDOUS but she came through 5-7 6-3 6-3. However, looking at the stats, you would see that it was far from routine. She had 52 errors compared to 39 winners, won only 47% of her 2nd serves and faced 15 break points though she saved 11 of them.

Why am I sucking so badly today??

Why am I sucking so badly today??

Anna-Lena Friedsam was really giving Serena fever

Anna-Lena Friedsam was really giving Serena fever

Gurl thanks for the workout and get some mousse for that hair. It's drier than my weave

Gurl thanks for the workout and get some mousse for that hair. It’s drier than my weave

These numbers do not bode well for an easy match in her next round, which will be against Victoria Azarenka (27) who took out Lucie Hradecka in straight sets 6-2 6-3; a far more comfortable scoreline that most people imagine. Meanwhile, Sascha Bajin already served up notice on Twitter that TeamVika will be ready for Serena come Paris. Will be an interesting time come Saturday. Anyway the real match of the day was Kuzi v Franny aka Francesca Schiavone and let me tell you folks THIS IS WHAT AN EPIC MATCH IS ALL ABOUT! They battled hard. If this were an actual swordfight, there would have been blood and flesh all over the place. It was brutal. Both players pulled out every trick in the book to get this win. There was no cheating or funny stuff. It was just two women who knew each other’s game very well and knew nothing but absolute skill and guile was going to get you across the finish line. It was a set apiece 7-6 (Kuzi) 5-7 (Franny) and it was all or nothing in the 3rd set.

Franny bringing the heat when she needs to

Franny bringing the heat when she needs to

In the 3rd set, Kuzi served for the match 4 times, having just broken Franny but time up 5-4, 6-5, 7-6 and 8-7, she failed to consolidate the break and take the match. Franny was relentless and so many shots were just ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR!! You have to see the match highlights. Anyway, Franny was finally about to take the match 10-8 in the 3rd. Kuzi was not feeling it at all. She had already lost an epic match against Schiavone in Melbourne back in 2011 if I am not mistaken and coming out on the losing side of this one again was definitely NO FUN.

I just wanna tell you Franny that I fucking HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT HOW

I just wanna tell you Franny that I fucking HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT HOW

A couple seeded players decided that they wished no longer to be in the 3rd round of this tournament, Zarina Diyas (32) was sent packing by Alison Van Uytvanck 6-0 1-6 4-6 and Karolina Pliskova (12) also blew a set lead 6-2 6-7 4-6 to Andreea Mitu of Romania. Meanwhile, the other seeded players made it through relatively unscathed, Sara Errani (17) in three sets as did Petkovic. Madison Keys (16) and Timea Bacsinszky won in straight sets. Other winners include Americans Sloane Stephens and Irina Falconi, France’s Kristina Mladenovic and Bulgarian Tsvetana Pironkova.

Sloane is back in the mix at a major getting to the 3rd round

Sloane is back in the mix at a major getting to the 3rd round

Hey Serena ... Sascha and I are coming for you

Hey Serena … Sascha and I are coming for you

On the men’s side, Divadal “struggled” against Nicolas Almagro but still came through in straight sets. That is to say, he did not bagel Almagro. Almagro tried his hardest but against Divadal that simply will not do. Divadal took it 6-4 6-3 6-1. I hope Almagro gets his ranking up to par because he can be a marvelous to watch. Anyway, he has an amazing asset!! Lochness Murray also did his thing though he complicated his life by dropping the 2nd set. However, he made light work of Joao Sousa of Portugal 6-2 4-6 6-4 6-1.

Andy don't you dare let this Portuguese Flash Fuck destroy your unbeaten clay record this year

Andy don’t you dare let this Portuguese Flash Fuck destroy your unbeaten clay record this year

Djoker came out strong against Gilles Muller but had to stop play in order to deal with his back which started to act up midway through the 2nd set. However, Djoker got his life together and took the match in straight sets 6-1 6-4 6-4. Now I am not going to say much regarding this situation other than quote the Serbian himself: Well, thankfully it’s nothing major. So it’s not concern for the next match, which is the most important thing, obviously. Wasn’t pleasant with the conditions that were changing today, and I think a little bit of heavier conditions made the court a little bit more wet and it was pretty slippery. So I think that’s when it happened, I made a couple of slides that were quite, I’d say, unusual, you know, with change of directions. And it happened in those dynamic movements, jammed the hip a little bit. Thankfully it’s nothing serious, really. It’s going to be fine.

First you stretch like this

First you stretch like this

Have a lil tummy ache..

Have a lil tummy ache..

Where does it hurt?

Where does it hurt?

I ….. wait I said I was not going to say anything on this matter. Anyway, moving on. So I have to say that the Next Generation Next is really making a name for themselves here in Paris. 20-year-old Nicholas Kyrgios (29) is already through to the 3rd round to face Murray as Kyle Edmund withdrew from the tournament. Kyrgios BFF on tour 19-year-old Thanasi Kokkinakis took on fellow Aussie Bernard Tomic (27) and Kokky showed some real heart as he came back from being down 0-2 and win the match. Tomic won the first 2 sets 6-3 6-3 and for sure, one thought that Kokkinakis was going to be sent home again from a major by Tomic. However, Kokky got his life together and began playing inspired tennis. He won the next 2 sets and broke Tomic as he served for the match 5-3 in the 5th set. Kokky broke back and just hung in there, playing his game to take the match 3-6 3-6 6-3 6-4 8-6. Borna Coric, 18 had his own epic battle against Spaniard Tommy Robredo (18) in 5 sets 7-5 3-6 6-2 4-6 6-4. Coric will face American Jock Sock battled hard against Pablo Carreno-Busta of Spain. Sock who is 22 years old, won the match 6-7 7-6 6-1 7-6.

Coric

Coric

Kokkinakis

Kokkinakis

Kyrgios

Kyrgios

France’s Jeremy Chardy knocked out John Isner (16) in 4 sets as did Leonardo Mayer (32) over Jerzy Janowicz. Kevin Anderson (15) also won in 4 sets but Viktor Troicki (31) was upset by Simone Bolelli in straight sets. Marin Cilic (9) beat some unknown/unheard of guy in straight sets. I am not sure who Cilic knows on the Draw Committee because he has got a sweet draw. He will play Mayer in the next round. Also through is David Goffin (17) who will play Chardy. So some very interesting players left in the draw in particularly in the top half! I feel a messy situation coming here for sure. Should be noted that Pablo Andujar finished off Philipp Kohlschreiber in the 5th set coming back from a 2-4 deficit at the end of play on Day 4 and on Day 5, Kohlschreiber did not win a single game and thus did not win the match. 

Isner really thought he had a shot LOL

Isner really thought he had a shot LOL

Yeah Kohlschreiber, I am looking at you ... you're a SCRUB

Yeah Kohlschreiber, I am looking at you … you’re a SCRUB

 

RG 2015 Day 4: What the hell Halep??

In French Open, Grand Slam, Roland Garros on May 28, 2015 at 9:54 pm
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Why are you going the other way? My bandwagon is this way!!

Simona! Simona! SIMONA! Gurl, I do not know what to do with you. It is a good thing, I never really got on your bandwagon. There have been times, when I walked alongside it and cheered with your fellow Romanians as well as your stans/fans. However, I never got on. I have been watching you long enough to know that you are not comfortable with the limelight. When the pressure mounts, you melt. I saw it at the US Open, in Melbourne and recently in Rome. Your performance here in Paris, has definitely sealed the deal for me. I am not getting on your bandwagon. No m’am. I am going to save my ticket for someone else who look like they really want to go to a winning destination.

Lucic-Baroni

Lucic-Baroni

I guess by now y’all heard that Simona Halep (3) was dismissed YET AGAIN by the likes of Mirjana Lucic-Baroni in straight sets no less. Now, Lucic-Baroni beat Halep last year at the US Open but no one really thought that such a thing was likely occur if they were to meet again. However, it seemed as though Simona choked or lost her way to Sesame Street because this was an easy ABC winnable match for her and yet she could not even get close to win it. Lucic-Baroni is the type of player who make so many errors per match you are left wondering if the point of tennis is not to push the ball wide, long and/or into the net. Last week, I saw Lucic-Baroni play Madison Keys and it was one of the most horrendous matches I have ever seen in all my tennis watching years. I assure you, this is not a hyperbolic statement in the least. Lucic-Baroni up 5-0 in the 2nd, served for the match 4 times and failed spectacularly each time. In the 2nd set tiebreaker, I do not recall her winning a point. Keys was not playing any better but she won merely because she was less sloppy than Lucic-Baroni.

Struggling to stay mentally consistent is Halep.

Struggling to stay mentally consistent is Halep.

Nonetheless, Halep came out here a hot mess. She showed no fight and basically was out there relying on Lucic-Baroni to make the error. Well that would have been a good strategy had Lucic-Baroni not able to keep on breaking Halep. Lucic-Baroni predictably got broken serving for the set at 5-4. You would think that at 5-5 Halep would get her life together and push through! NOPE she decided to get broken yet again and ask Lucic-Baroni whether she would love to serve it out again. Of course, Lucic-Baroni took this gift and the serve it out 7-5. In the 2nd set, Simona had ZERO FUCKS to give. She went down 0-5 like it was the thing to do out here. She saved face to get on scoreboard and take the breadstick as Lucic-Baroni served it out 7-5 6-1. So this is the 2nd time in three majors that Halep is bringing Lucic-Baroni back into relevance because, ain’t no one be checking for her.

Martha is wearing a "clean" outfit but it looks like a nurse's uniform. Very safe colours. Or very much something the old ladies at the country clubs would be wearing.

Martha is wearing a “clean” outfit but it looks like a nurse’s uniform. Very safe colours. Or very much something the old ladies at the country clubs would be wearing.

Better yet, every time I see her I keep waiting for her to break out in dance:

In other news, Maria Sharapova (2) made very light work out of countrywoman Vitalia Diatchenko 6-3 6-1. Sharapova will face Sam Stosur (26) who was absolutely ruthless in her win over a French qualifier 6-0 6-1. It should be an interesting match come Friday. Stosur was up a set and a break on Maria last year but then decided winning was not in the cards for her. She got bageled in the 3rd set. Carla Suarez-Navarro (8) another darkhorse pick here got a relatively easy passage into the 3rd round as Virgine Razzano retired from the match down a set a set. Another retirement which was indeed unfortunate was that of Daria Gavrilova who had to give up against Sabine Lisicki (20).

Sam Stosur. Can she beat Maria this year?

Sam Stosur. Can she beat Maria this year?

There were no more real upsets on the day though there were several struggle fests as Ana Ivanovic (7) continues to complete her life struggling against Misaki Doi but pulled through in 3 sets as did Ekaterina Makara (9) and Elena Svitolina (19) who had to really dig deep get by Yulia Putinseva 9-7 in the 3rd set. Alize Cornet (29) trying to do something for the home crowd got through in straight sets but almost had to go to a third if only Aleksandra Dulgheru had figured out how to close out a set and not get broken.

I ain't bothered!!

I ain’t bothered!!

Other winners include Angelique Kerber (11), Flavia Pennetta (28), Garbine Muguruza (21), Lucie Safarova (13) and Annika Beck who backed up her upset win over Aga Radwanska (14) in the 1st round. Donna Vekic who knocked out Caroline Garcia (31) in the 1st round, also won and she will play Ivanovic in the 3rd round. All of these women won their matches in straight sets.

Mr. Federer through to the 3rd round

Mr. Federer through to the 3rd round

On the menz side of the draw, there were no real upsets to speak of though some very interesting developments on court. In difference to the fact that Mr. Federer (2) moved through in straight sets over Marcel Granollers in straight sets 6-2 7-6(1) 6-3, it must be first noted that the Frenchmen are having a SUPER (pronounced su-pear, the French way) tournament. So many of their players will be collecting a 3rd round cheque this event. Tsonga (14) totally destroyed Dudi Sela 6-4 6-1 6-1. Gael Monfils (13) did what he does best, struggle in a 5-setter in the early rounds of a major. This time around he was playing Diego Schwartzman. Monfils is lucky that Diego was not stronger because he really had no business winning this in 5 sets. Anyhow, he moves through 4-6 6-4 4-6 6-2 6-3. He will join Benoit Paire who upset, and I use this word lightly, Fabio Fognini (28) 6-1 6-3 7-5. Nicolas Mahut also had an upset win over Ernests Gulbis (24) 3-6 6-3 7-5 6-3 and again I use the word “upset” very very lightly. As a result of this loss, Gulbis’s ranking will now be in the 80s. That is what happens when you barely win a match all season long and we are in May/June.

I wonder what unfinished business Tsonga thinks he has here in Paris. He means the business of him winning a major would be unfinished

I wonder what unfinished business Tsonga thinks he has here in Paris. He means the business of him winning a major would be unfinished

Kei Nishikori (5) had his hands full against Brazilian Thomaz Bellucci. Though the Japanese won the match in straight sets, it was far from routine. Bellucci really gave his all and there was not a hint of “Scrubbishness” on court. He hung tough but ultimately, Nishikori was the superior athlete both physically and mentally and thus won the match 7-5 6-4 6-4. Tomas Berdych (4) also had a difficult 2nd round matchup as he faced his fellow countryman Radek Stepanek. Berdych has had a very dodgy tournament so far and hopefully he is playing himself into this tournament and saving his major suckiness for a possible quarterfinals matchup against Mr. Federer IF both progress to that point. Berdych dropped the 2nd set but got his act together to take it in 4 sets 6-3 6-7 6-3 6-3.

Kei Nishikori

Kei Nishikori

A couple of seeded players went by the way and frankly they would not be missed … at least I won’t be. Roberto Bautista-Agut (19) and Fernando Verdasco (32) were both sent packing to Spain. Lukas Rosol surprising did not lose a set if I am not mistaken as he took out Roberto but Verdasco, he takes the prize of “Scrub of the Day”. He was leading Benjamin Becker 5-3 in the 4th set and served for it but apparently he did not know how to close out a match. Becker broke and took the 4th set 7-5 to force it to a decisive 5th set where he again proved to be the more focused and dogged of the two. Becker won the match 6-4 0-6 1-6 7-5 10-8. Meanwhile, Divadal on/off again boo, Juan Monaco has been sent home losing in straight sets to Teymurez Gabashvili. Gilles Muller was able to finish off Paolo Lorenzi in the 5th set and Damir Dzumhir took out Marcos Baghdatis in 4 sets to set up a meeting with Mr. Federer in the 3rd round.

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Verdasco … not sure what’s going on with the hair and your tennis but they both suck

 

American Steve Johnson took out Sergiy Stakhovsky in 4 sets though Stakhovsky had many chances in the world to take hold of his match but excellent job from Johnson to get himself in the 3rd round of a major. He will play Stanley Wawrinka for a place in the Round of 16. Wawrinka struggled past Dusan Lajovic in 4 sets. Dominic Thiem gave it his all but Pablo Cuevas was just too much for him. Uruguayan took the match in 4 sets. So that is it for results I think. I believe I mentioned everyone. Oh I guess I should say that Kei Nishikori is already through to the Round of 16 as Benjamin Becker defaulted from the tournament. He broke his stomach I think.

American Steve Johnson. Frankly my dear, as an athlete, no one really cares how big your biceps are; easiest muscle to work. They are mostly interested in how big your dick is. #justsaying

American Steve Johnson. Frankly my dear, as an athlete, no one really cares how big your biceps are; easiest muscle to work. They are mostly interested in how big your dick is. #justsaying

 

French Open 2015 Day 3: Bouchard Bounced and Grigor is Gone

In French Open, Grand Slam on May 28, 2015 at 4:15 pm
Y'all know I am all about the struggle on the tennis courts!

Y’all know I am all about the struggle on the tennis courts! My name is Petra and if it ain’t grass, I’m playing the ass 

Well on things were as I predicted for this tournament, a HOT MESS. Absolutely no surprise some of this mess is coming from Petra Kvitova (4). Kvitova found herself up against Marina Erakovic who is capable of being a decent player but you know how these wenches usually are; mucking about in the trenches, not interested in winning but seemed more keen on the players’ parties than the tennis. Anyway, Erakovic was playing some solid tennis. Petra just barely got out of the 1st set 6-4 and in the 2nd set, Erakovic took it 6-3. In the 3rd set, it was a virtual tossup as Petra was sucking and swinging as only she can. One might a stupendous winner and then next a stupid error. She is lucky that Erakovic was not someone a little more experienced because she would have had to bid “Adieu” to this event. She got through 6-4 3-6 6-4.

Serenanator looks poised and ready to get her 3rd French Open title

Serenanator looks poised and ready to get her 3rd French Open title

Serena (1) and her bff Caroline Wozniacki (5) both moved through comfortably to the next round. Serena took out Andrea Hlavackova 6-2 6-3. She looked clean and very efficient on court. There were no careless errors and she was very deliberate about her actions. This was far better than her 1st round effort last year when she committed near 40+ errors and won I think 6-1 6-2. It was a mess. Anyway, Woz had a lil hiccup with Karin Knapp in the beginning of the match but calm that potential storm with a 6-3 6-0 scoreline. It might be that Knapp was exhausted having just won Nuremberg last Saturday because it is as though she fell asleep in that match. But ain’t nobody got time for that here in Paris.

Knapp was such a mess

Knapp was such a mess

Sveta Kuzi (18) a darkhorse pick to take this tournament, which she won back in 2009, found herself in a spot of bother as she was battling it out with the likes of Kiki Bertens. See this is why Kuzi is not being featured in major events. She got past KiKi though in 3 sets 6-1 4-6 6-2. She will face another former French Open champion Francesca Schiavone who had fight hard to get to the 2nd round against Qiang Wang 3-6 6-3 6-4.

Kuzi might be lifting a 2nd Roland Garros trophy

Kuzi might be lifting a 2nd Roland Garros trophy

Other winners include Andrea Petkovic (10), Madison Keys (16), Timea Bacsinszky and Zarina Diyas (32). Julia Goerges also won over American Coco Vandeweghe as did Belinda Bencic over Daniela Hantuchova. Americans were not so lucky as both Christina McHale and Taylor Townsend were bounced from the tournament. I need not tell you that McHale was in a winning position but then decided that it might be prudent to be McFail and throw away the match. You know how Christina can be; almost allergic to winning.

Marina gurl this is just not a cute look at all for you!!

Marina gurl this is just not a cute look at all for you!!

Madison, you should be making this face ever ...

Madison, you should be making this face ever ...

Now I know I might cause a bit of controversy here but Taylor is putting on back the weight that she lost recently. She is coming off an injury and it near looked as though she sat around all day and eat. Really I am not even kidding you. She has decided to go back to her old coach, Donald Young’s father and I really wish that she did not. It is clear that the Youngs are amazing junior coaches and this is where they should stick to. However, they have no not even the slightest propensity to be able to help a player manage and map out a career on the professional level. I daresay that this is a “retarded” move on the part of Taylor. I know she feels that she needs to be comfortable but it is clear that she cannot bear the weight of comfort. She needs near hardcore discipline and quite frankly, she needs to drop that weight.

This is Taylor last year August

This is Taylor last year August

Here she is May 2015

Here she is May 2015

And again

And again

And again

And again

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But moving on. Irina Falconi made it through to the 2nd round which is good because I hardly hear of her as of late. The big news of the day were the dismissal of Genie Bouchard (6) and Jelena Jankovic (25). Now really and truly I hardly see these matches as upsets as no one really expected either of these players were really expected to do much at this tournament. In fact, no one is really expecting them to do anything for the rest of the year. Anyway, Bouchard faced Kristina Mladenovic. Mladenovic had the home crowd behind her and she pressed this advantage as she took the opening set 6-4. In the 2nd set, she raced to a 5-0 lead but being French and all, she allowed Bouchard back into the match. Bouchard broke Mladenovic twice as she served for the match. However, on the 3rd try, Mladenovic was about to close out the match 6-4 6-4. Jankovic too did not win a set against her opponent Sesil Karatantcheva 6-3 6-4. Sesil barely was able to close out the match but she did got the win. 

Au revoir Bouchard

Au revoir Bouchard

So that is it for the ladies, on the menz side, there was hardly any bother to be honest, at least in my estimation. This was the day that both Divadal (2) and Djoker (1) were to play their 1 round matches and they did not disappoint. Divadal took out a HOT FRENCHMAN Quentin Halys (He is definitely on my TO-DO list) 6-3 6-3 6-4. I swear the commentators are out like vicious vultures. They are hoping that Divadal loses this year because that would be the big story in tennis for the entire year. They have something to write about etc. It did not occur to them that maybe a different narrative was cute within the last ten years at the French Open.

Divadal and Quentin Halys

Divadal and Quentin Halys

m09vo (1)

What are you saying? You no like my Smurf Suit?

What are you saying? You no like my Smurf Suit?

Djoker looked the same as always. He played Jarkko Nieminen and for a minute you know that Djoker went away for a spell and then returned. Jarkko served for the 2nd set but apparently that was too much to ask for and Djoker took it 6-2 7-5 6-2. Also looking very impressive is David Ferrer (7) the 2013 finalist here. He beat or more to the point beat up Lukas Lacko 6-1 6-3 6-1. Richard Gasquet (20), Marin Cilic (9), John Isner (16) and Kevin Anderson (15) all won in straight sets. Jeremy Chardy did it for the home crowd and pull through in 4 sets as did Jerzy Janowicz I think and Pablo Carreno-Busta. Nico Almagro overcame a “tough” match again Aleksandr Dolgopolov and will face Divadal in the 2nd round. Now I did not want Divadal to face a Spaniard in this tournament because they ALWAYS bend over sideways and let him fuck them in the butt. But it does not matter either way, Divadal is still the man to beat here at this tournament.

Jarkko you're not upsetting my programme this year at all

Jarkko you’re not upsetting my programme this year at all

The most “shocking” result of the day on the men’s side is that Grigor Dimitrov (10) has once again failed to get out of the 1st round at the French Open. He faced American Jock Sock and it was a near beatdown. Grigor started off well enough if I am not mistaken, earning himself an early break but after losing that break and eventual the set in the breaker. By dropping that set, Dimitrov’s level also dropped. He was being outplayed from every angle of the work and it was very clear to all who were watching that he did not have an ounce of match strategy or wisdom to call upon to help him out of this difficult situation. Sock was near breaking Dimitrov at will. He took the match 7-6 6-2 6-3.

You need to go ....

You need to go ….

Yeah I am going ...

Yeah I am going …

Yeah pack your shit up and get the fuck outta here

Yeah pack your shit up and get the fuck outta here

And while we are on the subject of Grigor Dimitrov, can I just say that it is time that we stop referring him to him as “Baby Federer”! This needs to stop IMMEDIATELY! Not only is this putting unearned status on the young Bulgarian, but it is also putting undue pressure on him. The kid is drowning under this sea of pressure to perform. He clearly is not capable and up that level. And honestly, the only thing he and Federer have in common other than a penis, is the one handed backhand but so does and Nico Almagro and I am not hearing people calling Nico, Baby anything. So let it be known, the only time people can say “Baby Federer” they best be meaning the 4, double twins, Myla-Rose, Charlene, Leo and Lenny that he and Mirka produced.  

These are Federer's babies Leo and Lenny

These are Federer’s babies Leo and Lenny

Myla-Rose and Charlene

Myla-Rose and Charlene

Not this hot mess Grigor

Not this hot mess Grigor

Wozniacki as usual, your fashion sense only adds up to a penny

Wozniacki as usual, your fashion sense only adds up to a penny

Looks like you're wearing a panty over your skirt

Looks like you’re wearing a panty over your skirt

 

 

French Open 2015 Day 2: Vintage Venus has Vanished

In French Open, Grand Slam on May 26, 2015 at 11:59 pm
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The usual look of defeat and despair!!

So on Day 2 of the French Open, things did not go so well for me. Now we all know that Realz has a HUGE SPACE in my tennis heart for the one and only Venus Ebony Starr Williams. However, after Miami when she lost to Carla Suarez-Navarro, I made a pact to avoid her matches as much as possible because they are too heartwrenching. It seems as though Venus is going backward after starting the year in spectacular fashion. The lumbering on court, the erratic spells and the lack of fight really upsets my spirits far too much for me to endure. Do not worry, I am usually scoreboarding the entire match.

If I can't snatch Serena's wig, Venus will have to do

If I can’t snatch Serena’s wig, Venus will have to do. BTW Sloane, this outfit ain’t cute at all!!

When the draw came out on Friday and folks saw that Ebony Starr (16) would be playing Sloane Stephens, everyone knew that Venus’s clay court woes would continue. She won two matches on clay this season coming into this tournament. Stephens on the other hand had an awesome week in Strasbourg last week until she got to the semifinal of the event, losing to the eventual champion, Sam Stosur 0-6 in the 3rd set. Williams opened the match with a break and was up 2-0. However, she would relinquish this lead immediately as Stephens broke and held her own serve. They remained on serve to force a tiebreaker to determine the winner of the set. Any fan of Venus knows that when it comes to tiebreakers, they are considered more like “heartbreakers”. Ebony Starr lost it 5-7 points giving Sloane the opening set 7-6. In the 2nd set, Venus was completely vanquished as Sloane broke her twice to take the match 7-6 6-1. Another disappointing result at the French. Hopefully, Venus gets a better result at Wimbledon. Otherwise, her fans might feel that it is time to retire. Meanwhile, Venus being the Queen she is, she skipped her press conference like a BOSS!! 

Trying to find the silver lining in this dark cloud, Venus edges are coming back!!

Trying to find the silver lining in this dark cloud, Venus edges are coming back!!

Anyway in other results, Maria Sharapova aka Shriekapova (2) got herself a new grunt for the French Open and had it on full blast as she knocked out Kaia Kanepi. Some folks expected Kanepi to give Maria a run for her money but that was hardly the case. Kanepi was a mess, her outfit was a mess and her tennis was a mess. Sharapova easily got through 6-2 6-4. Also going through was Carla Suarez-Navarro (8) who took out Monica Niculescu 6-2 6-2. Angelique Kerber (11) was brutal against Timea Babos 6-0 6-1 as was Victoria Azarenka (27) over Maria-Teresa Torro-Flor 6-2 6-1. Azarenka was broken to start the match down 0-2 but she rallied mightily, dropping only 1 game.

Vickie is still trying to find her game these days

Vickie is still trying to find her game these days

Most of the other seeded players made it through to the 2nd round including Irina Begu (30), Sam Stosur (26) who won in straight sets over Madison Brengle 6-1 6-3, Sara Errani (17) won in 3 sets over Alison Riske and Elena Svitolina (19) who beat Yanina Wickmayer 6-2 6-2. Karolina Pliskova (12) and Sabine Lisicki (20) also won their matches both in straight sets. Other notable winners were Heather Watson, Lucie Hradecka, Daria Gavrilova and Ajla Tomljanovic who beat ‘fellow’ Australian Casey Dellacqua. I use inverted commas because though Tomljanovic can say she is a naturalized Australian, she cannot represent her adopted country at either Fed Cup or the Olympics.

So Aga went to a BBQ and got inspiration

So Aga went to a BBQ and got inspiration

This came into being

This came into being

And this mess came on court

And this mess came on court

There were upsets on Day 2 on the ladies side; one minor and the other not so major. Barbora Strycova (22) lost to Tsetvana Pironkova in straight sets 7-6 6-2. On the other end, the minor major upset was Aga Radwanska (14) who has been having a most dismal year thus far. She faced Annika Beck who came out firing on all cylinder. Radwanska was a mess doing down 0-4 in the opening before winning a game having to save break point first. She rallied to get 2 games in the set but it was too late to save the set. Radwanska recovered in the 2nd set and everyone felt that it was certainly going to be the Pole taking control of the match after she took the 2nd set 6-3. However, in the 3rd set, Beck was certain that this was a winnable match and she was determined to take it. Radwanska never held serve in the 3rd set. Not only was her fashion sense stink on court but so was her tennis. She broke Beck in the 3rd game to recover the early break for 1-2 but she was broken 2 more times to lose the set and the match 2-6 6-3 1-6. Aga had this to say after the match, “I can’t really do what I want on court and it’s not really working. That makes me nervous and angry … Maybe getting older.” In other words, Aga is saying she is a HOT MESS!! Gurl we could have told you that ages ago since Melbourne.

FeFe Lopez has done an adios in the singles draw

FeFe Lopez has done an adios in the singles draw

On the MENZ side, well things were really business as usual as the only upsets were not that earth shattering. Adrian Mannarino (30) lost in straight sets to Jurgen Meltzer (I do not know where he has been resurrected from because I was near sure he had quietly retired) The other seeded player to be sent packing was FeFe Lopez (11) who got dismissed in straight sets as well by Teymuraz Gabashvili (another player I had thought retired). Lopez is not the typical Spaniard who loves clay though he highly competent on the surface. He has been playing rather well this year and I really expected him to win a few rounds here. However, I guess he is getting on that Wimbledon bus with Venus.

Lochness Murray has made himself a

Lochness Murray has made himself a “pick” to win his 3rd major and 1st French Open title

Anyway, let us talk about the winners: The new clay court king, Lochness Murray (3) … well I guess we can call him clay court prince since Djoker is the real king out here winning EVERYTHING he touches on tour. Lochness Murray faced an Argentine qualifier if I am not mistaken, Facundo Arguello and won in straight sets 6-3 6-3 6-1. Tomas Berdych (4) took out his opponent Yoshihito Nishioka 6-0 7-5 6-3 but it was kinda messy after that 1st set. Other straight sets winners include Fabio Fognini (25) over another Japanese Tatsumo Ito 6-3 6-2 6-2, Fernando Verdasco (32) over yet another Japanese Taro Daniel 6-3 6-4 6-2  and Nick Kyrgios (29) 6-3 6-4 6-3 over Denis Istomin who is not from Japan though Asian by way of Uzbekistan.

asdasdas

What the hell do you mean you have no POWERADE!!! Are we at a major or a challenger??

Now I am kinda indifferent to Nicholas Kyrgios in so far as to say that I think he is a brilliant player but he does not move me enough to want to be on his bandwagon. I just cannot be a stan for everyone and he does strike me honestly as being a bit of a psychopath. That is not to say that I do not like his tennis because I think he is AWESOME on the court and he took out Divadal at last year’s Wimbledon so you know he gets brownie points from me for that. Anyway, the reason why I am giving Nicholas a paragraph is because of his antics on court in this match v Istomin. It was HORRENDOUS! He got ticked off about a call early in the match, like 4th/5th game early. He then proceeded to scream, curse and berate the umpire, Marijana something if I am not mistaken. She is from Serbia. I cannot find her name anywhere. It was not Marija Cicak because she does not fuck around on court. Nicholas then got upset because there was no Powerade or Gatorade available for him on court. When told that it was there is only powdered Powerade, then began another tirade. He further asked both the chair umpire and ball boy to make him the drink. Nicholas was just TOO MUCH. It was ridiculous.

You need to stop being a bloody asshole on court

You need to stop being a bloody asshole on court

I am not one to tell him how to behave but the antics were disrespective of both the sport, the chair and his opponent. It was beyond unbearable. Someone in his camp needs to step in and stop this madness. Nicholas is acting like a petulant child and this kinda shit is not cool. As for the chair umpire, well she needed to step it up and take charge of the match and stop acting like a fangirl. Did I mention that Nicholas had a nosebleed and she got down out of her chair to give him a towel despite him insisting that he was OKAY. She also got down out of her chair to give him a drink, Pepsi no less and then when she offered him a can sleeve (to hide the sponsor) Nicholas then handed it back to her as though he could not do it himself. I mean what are umpires on court for, officiating matches or being servers and servants? Nicholas, I cannot get on your bandwagon with this bullshit and the tennis officials need to put a stop to you and this shite.

Apparently Fabio borrowed Flavia's headscarf and made it into a headband

Apparently Fabio borrowed Flavia’s headscarf and made it into a headband

Moving on … So there were other seeded players who won including both Gilles Simon (12) and Monfils aka Beetlejuice (13). Both Simon and Beetlejuice had to battle past their compatriots. Simon beat Lucas Pouille 3-6 6-1 6-2 6-4 and Monfils beat Edouard Roger-Vasselin 6-2 6-7 6-1 7-5. David Goffin (17) also won in 4 sets as did Pablo Cuevas (21) over Sexy Samuel Groth, Bernard Tomic (27), Tommy Robredo (18) and Viktor Troicki (31).

Samuel Groth though a loser, we need no excuse to post hot sexy pictures of this Aussie Bum :-)

Samuel Groth though a loser, we need no excuse to post hot sexy pictures of this Aussie Bum 🙂

David Goffin trying to live up to his seeding of 17

David Goffin trying to live up to his seeding of 17

The other winners on the day included Dominic Thiem who just celebrated his first ATP title victory last Saturday in Nice, Thomaz Bellucci who also won last Saturday, his 4th title at the inaugural Geneva event, Borna Coric who took out American Sam Querrey, Juan Monaco who beat fellow Argentine Frederico Delbonis, Radek Stepanek, Benoit Paire, Simone Bollelli and Thanasi Kokkinakis. Young American sensation and wildcard here at the French Open, Frances Tiafoe lost his opening round match in straight sets to Martin Klizan.

Aljaz Bedene of Britain formerly of some place else ... which is not important

Aljaz Bedene of Britain formerly of some place else … which is not important

Juan

Juan “Pico” Monaco is as always cute

Benoit Paire is a bit time scrub but he is a cute one

Benoit Paire is a bit time scrub but he is a cute one

Thomaz Bellucci is Brazilian and that right there is all that needs to be said on this matter :-)

Thomaz Bellucci is Brazilian and that right there is all that needs to be said on this matter 🙂

Borna Coric ... he is cute and he would be even cuter when that teenage acne clears up ... Boo you need to take some of that 1R money and get some ProActiv

Borna Coric … he is cute and he would be even cuter when that teenage acne clears up … Boo you need to take some of that 1R money and get some ProActiv

Kokkinakis, I think you need to do the same thing as well.

Kokkinakis, I think you need to do the same thing as well.

Dominic Thiem

Dominic Thiem

Nicholas Kyrgios is an asshole but he is a hot asshole

Nicholas Kyrgios is an asshole but he is a hot asshole

Sabine is WERQING IT

Sabine is WERQING IT

When Hipsters come to the tennis courts

When Hipsters come to the tennis courts

Harry Hipster is still around

Harry Hipster is still around

When folks tell Andy he's a feminist

When folks tell Andy he’s a feminist

They're talking about me being a feminist ...

They’re talking about me being a feminist …

Andy checking his pulse thinking he must be dead if he is considered feminist

Andy checking his pulse thinking he must be dead if he is considered feminist

When Carla Suarez-Navarro is wearing the same outfit as you ...

When Carla Suarez-Navarro is wearing the same outfit as you …

And she wore it better ...

And she wore it better …

French Open 2015 Day 1: They Trying to Fuck with Federer

In French Open, Grand Slam, Uncategorized on May 26, 2015 at 8:08 pm
The Defending Champions!!

The Defending Champions!!

So the French Open has begun this year and ordinarily I would do a draw breakdown but I have decided against that because well, my esteemed colleagues and I spent over 2 hours chatting about the draw and honestly, we do not need to talk anymore about this draw.

Plus to be honest, I hardly have the time. So as you should know by now, the French Open starts on a Sunday instead of the traditional Monday like all the other majors. This is wonderful as you know how there are 128 singles matches to be played over the course of three days. It being clay and there are no night sessions here in Paris, it makes it possible for all the matches to be played and we do not have a messy schedule. Anyway let us get to the tennis.

FranceTennisFrenchOpen-0bcff

So Mr. Federer (2) begins his campaign to get another French Open title. I mean he had a difficult enough time getting the first one, you know a second one is virtually impossible. Nonetheless, Mr. Federer will continue to try. Anywho, so he played Alejandro Falla who has in the past given him a run for his money. Who can forget in 2010 when Falla almost sent Mr. Federer packing at Wimbledon. Mr. Federer you would remember, was the then defending champion. It was not looking cute for the Swiss for a hot minute but he pulled through in the end. Anyway, in this match, Mr. Federer was not mucking about. It was a solid performance 6-3 6-3 6-4. He was not broken saving both break points and he was 4/16 on break point conversion; his usual standard. However, the real story of the day was the fact that Mr. Federer is being accosted on court twice in two days.

roger-federer-tennis-selfie-fan_3307383

Who the fuck are you kid? I got 4 but I am sure you are not one of them

 

Is this a Circus?? Can one of you fucking clowns come get this kid?

Is this a Circus?? Can one of you fucking clowns come get this kid?

Mr. Federer had this to say on the matter; “It happened yesterday in the practice, too. I think it’s true for all players that you have to feel safe when we play, feel safe on the courts. It shouldn’t happen too often. It’s happened twice in two days and also in 2009 during the final. I think people should react more quickly … It’s not just being there, standing there on the courts wearing a nice tie and suit. It’s not that funny and I hope there is going to be a reaction from the tournament … They apologized, and I must say that I appreciated this, but I’d like to see what’s going to happen next.”

Let us not also forget that in the 2009 and 2013 finals, folks stormed onto the court. In 2009, the guy literally rubbed on Mr. Federer. In the 2013 final, the protester got on court and lit a flare … it was on fire. Divadal himself has also been accosted back in 2011 if I am not mistaken at the US Open. However, I think that was more of a domestic situation. Not everyone is comfortable with the “hit it and quit it” business. We are not all made for hooking up. However, I digress and we are not here for that.

Back in 2009 French Open Final ... Man got so close to Federer he was able to get very close and personal

Back in 2009 French Open Final … Man got so close to Federer he was able to get very close and personal

federer9-HA-Sport-Paris

This was when security thought it necessary to intervene

federer4-HA-Sport-PARIS

Back in 2013

Back in 2013, flare was lit before he got on the court

French Open final 2013

French Open final 2013

He had fire on court

He had fire on court

2009 US Open quarterfinal ... This is not a protester but this is looking more like a private domestic matter to me

2009 US Open quarterfinal … This is not a protester but this is looking more like a private domestic matter to me

Bitch you need to stop. It was a one time thing

Bitch you need to stop. It was a one time thing

Meanwhile, this is what the tournament director, Gilbert Ysern had to say on the matter, “It’s not the end of the world but it was embarrassing, and we are collectively responsible as organizers … We made a mistake and it won’t happen again … There is no reason for us to change security procedures. It was just a lack of judgment.” You think this man forgot that Monica Seles got stabbed on court during a match right? He is being completely blazé about this incident. He said that “security has been upgraded because of the Charlie Hebdo incident. Yet this kid is able to get on court, grab Mr. Federer and attempt to take a selfie. Not only that this was the second incident involving Mr. Federer in as many days. If a man can get a flare on court and a kid could put his camera phone up to Federer, what is stopping it from being something more dangerous and actually injure another player. This is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE for this kinda event. In fact, this does not happen at the ATP 250s and should not be happening at the majors.

Anyways, let’s move onto other newz on the menz side! Stanley Wawrinka (8) has already made major stride at this year’s event than he did last year. He won his first round match. Something he failed to do last year. Whereas he struggled last time against Guillermo Garcia-Lopez aka GGL, this time around he handled Marcel Ilhan with considerable ease 6-3 7-5 6-1. Stanley, like his compatriot Mr. Federer, also had issues with the tournament as a scathing article about him popped up on the official French Open website. The article was spilling the Tea on how Stanley left his wife for a teenager! The tournament has since taken down the article! Stanley made a stink saying,“Completely stupid article … It’s the official website of a Grand Slam, so I hope the guy who did that article is not a journalist … I also hope the guy who is supposed to check all the article on the website is not working anymore for the tournament.”

American Steve Johnson ... certainly not on the hottie list at all looking like a house plant

American Steve Johnson … certainly not on the hottie list at all looking like a house plant

Interestingly enough, speaking of GGL, he was seeded 26 this year and he was the victim of an upset loss as American Steve Johnson in 5 sets 3-6 3-6 7-5 6-3 3-6. Folks imagined that Stanley and GGL would meet in the 3rd Round but that’s not happening now at all. GGL was 1 of 2 seeded players to get bounced on the 1st day; the other being Ivo Karlovic (25). Karlovic lost to Marcos Baghdatis 7-6 6-4 6-4. Karlovic just could not get any momentum swinging his way and so is out of these championships.

Kei Nishikori is on some folks list as a serious contender for this title

Kei Nishikori is on some folks list as a serious contender for this title

Kei Nishikori (5) was his usual self. You know, needlessly complicating his life against some low level scrub. He took on Paul-Henri Mathieu and did his usual walkabouts in the 2nd set but he too closed out the match in straight sets 6-3 7-5 6-1. Local favourite Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (14) also made easy work of Swedish qualifier Christian Lindell 6-1 6-2 6-2. Philipp Kohlschreiber (22) also put the beatdown on his opponent Go Soeda 6-1 6-0 6-2. Last year’s surprise semifinalist, Ernests Gulbis (24) is having a hard time this year winning matches. In fact I am near certain he has not won more than 4 matches for the year and if he does not win at least 4 at that championships, his ranking will sink like a stone in water. He got off to a decent start winning his 1st round match 6-4 6-4 7-6 over Igor Sijsling.

Lukas Rosol allegedly no one likes him on tour according to Lochness Murray

Lukas Rosol who allegedly no one likes him on tour according to Lochness Murray

Other winners on the day were Roberto Bautista-Agut (19), Nicolas Mahut, Lukas Rosol over Swedish new sensation Elias Ymer, Dudi Sela, Pablo Andujar and Dusan Lajovic. All of them won in straight sets. Damir Dzumhur also went through to the 2nd round but he did so when Mikhail Youzhny retired. Youzhny apparently was whacking himself on the head with his racquet AGAIN!

Simona is looking to win her first major

Simona is looking to win her first major

On the ladies side, things were not so exciting. Simona Halep (3) began her effort to go one step further this year than she did last year when she got to the final. She started get bid for the title facing Russia’s Evgeniya Rodina. a Halep was not a model of consistency but more so a model of inconsistency. She raced out to a 4-1 lead including 2 service breaks and then next thing you know, it’s 5-5. She got her life together and closed of the set 7-5 but the 2nd was near the same missing simple shots. However, like before at the latter end of the set, she turned it up to close out the match 7-5 6-4.  Halep next faces Marijana Lucic-Baroni in the next round, an opportunity to avenge an embarrassing loss to the Croatian at the US Open last year in the 3rd Round.

You haters mad I didn't lose in the 1R, well I was surprised myself but I am in the 2R so don't get mad

You haters mad I didn’t lose in the 1R, well I was surprised myself but I am in the 2R so don’t get mad

There were two real surprises of the day; the fact that Ana Ivanovic (7) is still in the tournament and Caroline Garcia (31) isn’t. Many left that Garcia was the darkhorse pick at these championship and that Ivanovic would be sent packing in the 1st round but it was not till be. Garcia was facing Donna Vekic, the 18-year-old Croat who is allegedly the new flame in Stanley’s life. Anyway Garcia looked poised to live up to the expectation taking the 1st set 6-3 but soon after she completely lost the plot as though overcome by the sheer weight of expectation on her shoulder. She allowed Vekic into the match by making the most horrendous errors and Vekic was not about to not show up the French Tennis Federation on the main show court Philippe Chatrier after they done did dragged her name through the rumour mills. Anyway, Vekic began finding her range on the court and moved into the ascendancy. She took the match 3-6 6-3 6-2 and will collect at least a 2nd round cheque which is undoubtedly more than the 1st round cheque.

Of course being French and all, I would fail when under pressure

Of course being French and all, I would fail when under pressure

French Federation that's what you get for putting me through the rumour mill

French Federation that’s what you get for putting me through the rumour mill

Ana faced Yaroslava Shvedova who can on the rare occasion find superb form and compete with the best on tour. Most felt that this matchup might have brought out one such occasion but it was not to be. Shvedova won the 1st set 6-4 but seemed that that her only goal of the day as she won only two more games for the entire match losing it 6-4 2-6 0-6. Needless to say that Ana is most excited by this turn off events as Garcia was looming in the 3rd Round. Garcia has beaten Ana on 3 occasions, all this year. Also Ana won her 1st major match for the year losing in the 1st round of Melbourne to Lucie Hradecka if I’m not mistaken.

2015+French+Open+Day+One+go_8YOLspwdl

Polona Hercog show off her sleeve

 

Other seeded players who won were Garbine Muguruza (21) over Petra Martic 6-2 7-5, Ekaterina Makarova (9) over Lauren Chirico 6-4 6-2. Makarova is a dangerous floater especially at majors as she made the semifinals of the last two majors hence why she’s ranked so highly.. Lucie Safarova (13) took out Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova 7-6 7-6 and Flavia Pennetta (28) beat M Linette 6-3 5-7 6-1. One other seeded player exited from the tournament, Shuai Peng (24) who retired from her match down 0-6 0-2 with a back injury. Apparently the injury is most severe as Peng later announced that she will not be returning to the tour for the rest of the year.

Shuai Peng being treated for her back

Shuai Peng being treated for her back

Yassssssssssssss that feels so nice. Keep doing it until the end of the season

Yassssssssssssss that feels so nice. Keep doing it until the end of the season

The other ladies who moved through to the next round were Elena Vesnina who beat Kirsten Flippers, Magdalena Rybarikova , Kurumi Nara, Bojana Jovanovski, M Doi and T Pereira.

Soon to be mother Amelie Mauresmo still on the job :-)

Soon to be mother Amelie Mauresmo still on the job 🙂

RealzTenisFanz Podcast #11: French Open Preview – Checking out our Drawers

In Podcast on May 23, 2015 at 12:32 pm

The French Open is here and there is definitely a lot of Tea to spill and Shade to give!!!

Divadal is hoping to hold onto "his trophy" for a 10th time

Divadal is hoping to hold onto “his trophy” for a 10th time

Djoker is looking to get his 1st French title and career slam

Djoker is looking to get his 1st French title and career slam

LOL Gurl he crazy if he thinks he's coming for my crown

LOL Gurl he crazy if he thinks he’s coming for my crown

Lochness Murray might have something different to say being the new "clay court specialist"

Lochness Murray might have something different to say being the new “clay court specialist”

Berdych isn't about to let this chance go to win his 1st major title EVER!!

Berdych isn’t about to let this chance go to win his 1st major title EVER!!

Meanwhile, 2009 champion Mr. Federer is the dark horse pick

Meanwhile, 2009 champion Mr. Federer is the dark horse pick

These itches think they're going to take my French crown!!! Non Non NON

These itches think they’re going to take my French crown!!! Non Non NON

Paris isn't always a happy place for Serena but she's hoping to win her 3rd French title

Paris isn’t always a happy place for Serena but she’s hoping to win her 3rd French title

Simona is looking to take home her 1st major title in Paris

Simona is looking to take home her 1st major title in Paris

Can someone come get this lil nino on court? I don't have time to deal with lil punks

Can someone come get this lil nino on court? I don’t have time to deal with lil punks

Look here ... you no come back to my matches ... you be harassing me.

Look here … you no come back to my matches … you be harassing me.

Divadal you're a punk ass bitch ... and you can go and tell that!!

Divadal you’re a punk ass bitch … and you can go and tell that!!

Gurl I can see you in cup looking all pressed and bothered ... Your bobby pins not in right??

Gurl I can see you in cup looking all pressed and bothered … Your bobby pins not in right??

Fuck you Pete and your full head of hair

Fuck you Pete and your full head of hair

Andre gurl, I will give you some hair when I cut it :-) Give you new weave!!

Andre gurl, I will give you some hair when I cut it 🙂 Give you new weave!!

RealzTenisFanz Podcast #10: Madness, Mayhem and Murray in Madrid

In Podcast on May 11, 2015 at 7:52 pm

So we are on Podcast #10 which is one after 9 and one before 11 and for this epic episode, we were able to secure A REAL LIFE CELEBRITY: Cari Championformerly of the Tennis Channel and now ESPN along with her own podcast “Be Honest“: (http://sports.espn.go.com/espnradio/podcast/archive?id=12790230) And she is here to talk with us about her experience with Tennis Channel and also give us some picks for Hot ATP Menz. 

2:40 – Murray wins Madrid
6:10 – Divadal’s struggle is real
7:03 – Special Guest Cari Champion Showed Up
22:15 – Cari’s Hot Menz of the ATP picks
26:25 – Divadal’s struggles continue
36:45 – Realz Take on Divadal losing the French
41:05 – What else had happened in Madrid?
46:10 – Nick Kyrgios and Next Generation Next
54:50 – WTA Madrid: Kvitova wins
57:15 – Serena, Vickie and Sascha
1:03:00 – Madrid, que pasa?
1:10:30 – Kuzi-Rex coming out of extinction
1:14:50 – Caroline and Ana Coaching Clauses
1:25:15 – Unleash the beast and the WTA Next Generation
1:38:35 – Wrapping up

WTF?? You think I left my palace to watch Messy Divadal on court??

WTF?? You think I left my palace to watch Messy Divadal on court??

Lochness Murray with his 2nd clay court title in as many weeks. 1st Masters on Clay

Lochness Murray with his 2nd clay court title in as many weeks. 1st Masters on Clay

Divadal not sure what to do with this plate ...

Divadal not sure what to do with this plate …

Queen Sophie not having none of that shit giving Lochness Murray the sideeye

Queen Sophie not having none of that shit giving Lochness Murray the sideeye

Cari Champion showed up and chatted with us folks on Realz

Cari Champion showed up and chatted with us folks on Realz

FeFe Lopez is checking you out Cari :-)

FeFe Lopez is checking you out Cari 🙂

Maybe this is why Cari likes John Isner?

Maybe this is why Cari likes John Isner?

Divadal is not only not having a great hair day, he is not having a great clay season

Divadal is not only not having a great hair day, he is not having a great clay season

image (2)

WTF?? WTMFF???

WTF?? WTMFF???

"I won't have it" Realz goes off on what needs to happen if Divadal is to lose the French

“I won’t have it” Realz goes off on what needs to happen if Divadal is to lose the French

Meanwhile, Mr. Federer is having a spa day

Meanwhile, Mr. Federer is having a spa day

Nick Kyrgios is ready to assume the mantle of the "Next Big Thing" in tennis

Nick Kyrgios is ready to assume the mantle of the “Next Big Thing” in tennis

Kvitova getting down in the dirt with her Dildotrophy

Kvitova getting down in the dirt with her Dildotrophy

Are we seeing the resurgence of this Kuzi-Rex??

Are we seeing the resurgence of this Kuzi-Rex??

How did it go from this?

How did it go from this?

To this? What had happened?

To this? What had happened?

Madrid Mutua Open Dildo Trophy

Madrid Mutua Open Dildo Trophy

This is about the only time one can see a picture of Arantxa Sanchez-VIcario and Caro together.

This is about the only time one can see a picture of Arantxa Sanchez-VIcario and Caro together.

Ivanovic be snatching her own wig

Ivanovic be snatching her own wig

Sloane about to release the beast and a bagel :-)

Sloane about to release the beast and a bagel 🙂

RealzTenisFanz Podcast #9: Getting Down and Dirty

In Podcast on May 6, 2015 at 1:10 pm

So we are on Podcast #9 which is just absolutely AWESOME!!! Thanks for all the support AND DONT FORGET TO COMMENT

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So we are near mid-way through to the clay season and we are about to see how most of the ladies stack up on the dirt. We dish on the menz and get in our lil digs and dirt on everyone! As always Lovely Co-Hosts: Janina, Andreen of Soley Tennis Travels (http://soleytennistravels.com/) and back again Karen Bridgepea of The Spin (http://overheadspin.blogspot.com/)

4:00 – WTA Vulture Events
7:25 – ATP Scrubs Events
21:05 – Reminiscing on the Madrid Blue Clay of 2012
32:35 – Is one cursed for beating Divadal on clay? 
33:40 – Serena what are you wearing?
34:20 – Rumour Alert: DIvadal returning to his old stick
35:00 – The return of this Serena/Caro womance
36:10 – Serena Slim and Trimmer?
41:50 – Madrid Mayhem
1:05:50 – When you see your Pigeon perched across the net from you
1:07:15 – A Realz Press Conference
1:22:09 – Is Patrick a Snake-oil salesman?
1:26:00 – It Takes All Kinds to Make the Tour go round
1:39:40 – Cleaning Up the Mess

Karolina Pliskova with her Prague trophy

Karolina Pliskova with her Prague trophy

Elena Svitolina with her Marrakesh trophy and team

Elena Svitolina with her Marrakesh trophy and team

Mr. Federer with his 1st clay court title in years

Mr. Federer with his 1st clay court title in years

RIchard Gasquet took the Estoril title over Nick Kyrgios

RIchard Gasquet took the Estoril title over Nick Kyrgios

Lochness Monster Murray with his 1st clay court title EVER v Philipp Kohlschreiber

Lochness Monster Murray with his 1st clay court title EVER v Philipp Kohlschreiber

What the FCUK is this shit? Are we at the Chuck E. Cheese Tennis Tournament

What the FCUK is this shit? Are we at the Chuck E. Cheese Tennis Tournament

Divadal is not having it today on blue stuff

Divadal is not having it today on blue stuff

He's slipping and sliding all over the place

He’s slipping and sliding all over the place

Mr. Federer and Berdych survived and played an excellent tournament

Mr. Federer and Berdych survived and played an excellent tournament

Serena had this to say of the blue clay “Women are way tougher than men. That’s why we have the babies. You guys could never handle kids ... We ladies don’t complain, we just do our best. On the WTA we are real performers, we are not going out there and being weenies.”

Serena had this to say of the blue clay “Women are way tougher than men. That’s why we have the babies. You guys could never handle kids … We ladies don’t complain, we just do our best. On the WTA we are real performers, we are not going out there and being weenies.”

When will this womance END??

When will this womance END??

The tale of the tape of the  Serenanator v Shriekapova "rivalry"

The tale of the tape of the Serenanator v Shriekapova “rivalry”

Huh? Is it a rivalry?

Huh? Is it a rivalry? Let me think about it for a minute

Gurl that was a tough match ... It was really hard baking up a bagel and a breakstick for you out here.

Gurl that was a tough match … It was really hard baking up a bagel and a breakstick for you out here. You want butter on that bagel??

You know you're my favourite pigeon of all Rog especially on clay

You know you’re my favourite pigeon of all Rog especially on clay

Ooops that wasn't confetti I pulled out of your head ... Gurl you might need a weave.

Ooops that wasn’t confetti I pulled out of your head … Gurl you might need a weave.

Is Patrick really a "Mastermind" or a Snake-oil Salesman?

Is Patrick really a “Mastermind” or a Snake-oil Salesman?

I made Serena!!!

I made Serena!!!

Look into my eyes and tell me what you see??

Look into my eyes and tell me what you see??

Mofo don't be using my name to sell your shite!!

Mofo don’t be using my name to sell your shite!!

ajasdas