RG 2015 Day 4: What the hell Halep??

In French Open, Grand Slam, Roland Garros on May 28, 2015 at 9:54 pm

Why are you going the other way? My bandwagon is this way!!

Simona! Simona! SIMONA! Gurl, I do not know what to do with you. It is a good thing, I never really got on your bandwagon. There have been times, when I walked alongside it and cheered with your fellow Romanians as well as your stans/fans. However, I never got on. I have been watching you long enough to know that you are not comfortable with the limelight. When the pressure mounts, you melt. I saw it at the US Open, in Melbourne and recently in Rome. Your performance here in Paris, has definitely sealed the deal for me. I am not getting on your bandwagon. No m’am. I am going to save my ticket for someone else who look like they really want to go to a winning destination.



I guess by now y’all heard that Simona Halep (3) was dismissed YET AGAIN by the likes of Mirjana Lucic-Baroni in straight sets no less. Now, Lucic-Baroni beat Halep last year at the US Open but no one really thought that such a thing was likely occur if they were to meet again. However, it seemed as though Simona choked or lost her way to Sesame Street because this was an easy ABC winnable match for her and yet she could not even get close to win it. Lucic-Baroni is the type of player who make so many errors per match you are left wondering if the point of tennis is not to push the ball wide, long and/or into the net. Last week, I saw Lucic-Baroni play Madison Keys and it was one of the most horrendous matches I have ever seen in all my tennis watching years. I assure you, this is not a hyperbolic statement in the least. Lucic-Baroni up 5-0 in the 2nd, served for the match 4 times and failed spectacularly each time. In the 2nd set tiebreaker, I do not recall her winning a point. Keys was not playing any better but she won merely because she was less sloppy than Lucic-Baroni.

Struggling to stay mentally consistent is Halep.

Struggling to stay mentally consistent is Halep.

Nonetheless, Halep came out here a hot mess. She showed no fight and basically was out there relying on Lucic-Baroni to make the error. Well that would have been a good strategy had Lucic-Baroni not able to keep on breaking Halep. Lucic-Baroni predictably got broken serving for the set at 5-4. You would think that at 5-5 Halep would get her life together and push through! NOPE she decided to get broken yet again and ask Lucic-Baroni whether she would love to serve it out again. Of course, Lucic-Baroni took this gift and the serve it out 7-5. In the 2nd set, Simona had ZERO FUCKS to give. She went down 0-5 like it was the thing to do out here. She saved face to get on scoreboard and take the breadstick as Lucic-Baroni served it out 7-5 6-1. So this is the 2nd time in three majors that Halep is bringing Lucic-Baroni back into relevance because, ain’t no one be checking for her.

Martha is wearing a "clean" outfit but it looks like a nurse's uniform. Very safe colours. Or very much something the old ladies at the country clubs would be wearing.

Martha is wearing a “clean” outfit but it looks like a nurse’s uniform. Very safe colours. Or very much something the old ladies at the country clubs would be wearing.

Better yet, every time I see her I keep waiting for her to break out in dance:

In other news, Maria Sharapova (2) made very light work out of countrywoman Vitalia Diatchenko 6-3 6-1. Sharapova will face Sam Stosur (26) who was absolutely ruthless in her win over a French qualifier 6-0 6-1. It should be an interesting match come Friday. Stosur was up a set and a break on Maria last year but then decided winning was not in the cards for her. She got bageled in the 3rd set. Carla Suarez-Navarro (8) another darkhorse pick here got a relatively easy passage into the 3rd round as Virgine Razzano retired from the match down a set a set. Another retirement which was indeed unfortunate was that of Daria Gavrilova who had to give up against Sabine Lisicki (20).

Sam Stosur. Can she beat Maria this year?

Sam Stosur. Can she beat Maria this year?

There were no more real upsets on the day though there were several struggle fests as Ana Ivanovic (7) continues to complete her life struggling against Misaki Doi but pulled through in 3 sets as did Ekaterina Makara (9) and Elena Svitolina (19) who had to really dig deep get by Yulia Putinseva 9-7 in the 3rd set. Alize Cornet (29) trying to do something for the home crowd got through in straight sets but almost had to go to a third if only Aleksandra Dulgheru had figured out how to close out a set and not get broken.

I ain't bothered!!

I ain’t bothered!!

Other winners include Angelique Kerber (11), Flavia Pennetta (28), Garbine Muguruza (21), Lucie Safarova (13) and Annika Beck who backed up her upset win over Aga Radwanska (14) in the 1st round. Donna Vekic who knocked out Caroline Garcia (31) in the 1st round, also won and she will play Ivanovic in the 3rd round. All of these women won their matches in straight sets.

Mr. Federer through to the 3rd round

Mr. Federer through to the 3rd round

On the menz side of the draw, there were no real upsets to speak of though some very interesting developments on court. In difference to the fact that Mr. Federer (2) moved through in straight sets over Marcel Granollers in straight sets 6-2 7-6(1) 6-3, it must be first noted that the Frenchmen are having a SUPER (pronounced su-pear, the French way) tournament. So many of their players will be collecting a 3rd round cheque this event. Tsonga (14) totally destroyed Dudi Sela 6-4 6-1 6-1. Gael Monfils (13) did what he does best, struggle in a 5-setter in the early rounds of a major. This time around he was playing Diego Schwartzman. Monfils is lucky that Diego was not stronger because he really had no business winning this in 5 sets. Anyhow, he moves through 4-6 6-4 4-6 6-2 6-3. He will join Benoit Paire who upset, and I use this word lightly, Fabio Fognini (28) 6-1 6-3 7-5. Nicolas Mahut also had an upset win over Ernests Gulbis (24) 3-6 6-3 7-5 6-3 and again I use the word “upset” very very lightly. As a result of this loss, Gulbis’s ranking will now be in the 80s. That is what happens when you barely win a match all season long and we are in May/June.

I wonder what unfinished business Tsonga thinks he has here in Paris. He means the business of him winning a major would be unfinished

I wonder what unfinished business Tsonga thinks he has here in Paris. He means the business of him winning a major would be unfinished

Kei Nishikori (5) had his hands full against Brazilian Thomaz Bellucci. Though the Japanese won the match in straight sets, it was far from routine. Bellucci really gave his all and there was not a hint of “Scrubbishness” on court. He hung tough but ultimately, Nishikori was the superior athlete both physically and mentally and thus won the match 7-5 6-4 6-4. Tomas Berdych (4) also had a difficult 2nd round matchup as he faced his fellow countryman Radek Stepanek. Berdych has had a very dodgy tournament so far and hopefully he is playing himself into this tournament and saving his major suckiness for a possible quarterfinals matchup against Mr. Federer IF both progress to that point. Berdych dropped the 2nd set but got his act together to take it in 4 sets 6-3 6-7 6-3 6-3.

Kei Nishikori

Kei Nishikori

A couple of seeded players went by the way and frankly they would not be missed … at least I won’t be. Roberto Bautista-Agut (19) and Fernando Verdasco (32) were both sent packing to Spain. Lukas Rosol surprising did not lose a set if I am not mistaken as he took out Roberto but Verdasco, he takes the prize of “Scrub of the Day”. He was leading Benjamin Becker 5-3 in the 4th set and served for it but apparently he did not know how to close out a match. Becker broke and took the 4th set 7-5 to force it to a decisive 5th set where he again proved to be the more focused and dogged of the two. Becker won the match 6-4 0-6 1-6 7-5 10-8. Meanwhile, Divadal on/off again boo, Juan Monaco has been sent home losing in straight sets to Teymurez Gabashvili. Gilles Muller was able to finish off Paolo Lorenzi in the 5th set and Damir Dzumhir took out Marcos Baghdatis in 4 sets to set up a meeting with Mr. Federer in the 3rd round.


Verdasco … not sure what’s going on with the hair and your tennis but they both suck


American Steve Johnson took out Sergiy Stakhovsky in 4 sets though Stakhovsky had many chances in the world to take hold of his match but excellent job from Johnson to get himself in the 3rd round of a major. He will play Stanley Wawrinka for a place in the Round of 16. Wawrinka struggled past Dusan Lajovic in 4 sets. Dominic Thiem gave it his all but Pablo Cuevas was just too much for him. Uruguayan took the match in 4 sets. So that is it for results I think. I believe I mentioned everyone. Oh I guess I should say that Kei Nishikori is already through to the Round of 16 as Benjamin Becker defaulted from the tournament. He broke his stomach I think.

American Steve Johnson. Frankly my dear, as an athlete, no one really cares how big your biceps are; easiest muscle to work. They are mostly interested in how big your dick is. #justsaying

American Steve Johnson. Frankly my dear, as an athlete, no one really cares how big your biceps are; easiest muscle to work. They are mostly interested in how big your dick is. #justsaying



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