Archive for November, 2015|Monthly archive page

The USTA Responds to Genie Bouchard’s Lawsuit!!!

In Eugenie Bouchard on November 16, 2015 at 11:53 am

So thanks to the LOVELY Bridgepea (@bridgepea on Twitter) Karen, we were able to get the USTA’s response to Genie’s lawsuit …. You know how we strive to give you complete and controversial REALZ NEWZ!!!


You can check out the document in full in the link below or check out the images of the document below that. This document had me gagging! I mean who knew lawsuits and tennis can combined to give you hilarity. The folks in tennis NEVER leave us with a single dull moment. I have given you my non-legal expertise take on the document in BLUE!



PAGE 1: This is not our fault! All we are going to admit to is the fact that she was there at the 2015 US Open in singles, doubles and mixed doubles and subsequently pulled out of the event. We have nothing to do with her entering a 4th event, “Fucking around in a physio room and allegedly getting hurt!” 


PAGE 2: Even if we are at fault, she is definitely not getting more than $75k! Any notion of damages being in the millions is RIDICULOUS

We are totally feeling ourselves with this lawsuit

We are totally feeling ourselves with this lawsuit



PAGE 3: Before we go any further, let me just clarify that Ms. Bouchard was not RANKED 25 in the world, she was SEEDED 25 at the US Open. Just a point of order okay! She said that she could have won the US Open and done well at the US Open had she not been injured, well that is all very “speculative” and we are gonna need a receipt for such claims. Her subsequent results at the Japan and China Open were no different from her previous results before the US Open ie. she wasn’t winning shit. Furthermore, she did not finish her doubles match with Nicholas K at 10 pm. Someone needs to buy this girl a watch because we do not have time for her bullshit

She was going to win the US Open? Gurl bye ...

She was going to win the US Open? Gurl bye …


PAGE 4: We don’t know what “tiled floor” she is talking about and furthermore, she had no business in this room to begin with as she did no business in there at the time



PAGE 5: We are only going to admit insomuch as to say that Ms. Bouchard withdrew on September 5, 2015, as to why, we don’t know. Also when she is saying that her ranking points have dropped as a result of this “alleged incident” at the US Open, we are again going to need receipt for that because we are not responsible for her poor 2015


PAGE 6: Blah! Blah! Blah! Legal speak


PAGE 7: Even if what she is saying is even remotely true, Ms. Bouchard is an experienced professional player and she knows better. We should not be held responsibility for her own stupi… I mean her own negligence! Do we have to quote Sergei Stakhovsky here to get our point across?? 

I am just saying ...

I’m just saying … What was she really doing at this time? That’s what we really want to know


PAGE 8: Whatever she is saying in paragraphs 34-41 are all a bunch of lies! Paragraph 42 is just her telling the same lie as in paragraph 41


PAGE 9: Blah! Blah! Blah! Legal speak. This is us clarifying the ownership of the USTA spaces etc etc


PAGE 10: Again, Ms. Bouchard has been to the US Open before and we are confused, conflicted and concerned as to how and why she doesn’t know how things work around here. And also, everything she says in paragraphs 52-56 are LIES


PAGE 11: She is still telling lies from paragraphs 57-60! And we would like Ms. Bouchard to know that we are ready, willing and able to go to court on this matter. We are not settling this nonsense of a claim. It is our contention that she should have known better and whatever happened to her is her fault and her fault alone.

We are ready for a court date because we are snatching wigs out here

We are ready for a court date because we are snatching wigs out here


PAGE 12: She did not follow the rules and so she got hurt. Again this is not our fault. She knew better


PAGE 13: If we are at all culpable for any damages it certainly is not in the millions and we do not know what this mystery substance on the floor is/was because we don’t think it ever existed. Also that room is NEVER dark. So she can’t walk and can’t see? Ms. Bouchard therefore needs to familiarize herself with the Disability Procedure at the tournament and notify us of such fact. We contend that she did not do so at all as we have no record of such matter. 


PAGE 14: More importantly is the fact that Ms. Bouchard when she was so called injured, she refused medical assistant at the site and went home. She claimed to be injured but when you looked at her social media, (we have screenshots etc), it is completely different. So we don’t know how she could have “on-going and permanent physical injuries” because her Twitter says she is okay! Must we go on with this nonsense? That is not how folks with concussion act after the fact

giphy (4)


PAGE 15: She wants punitive damages but her documents do not say how and why she should get any. We are not paying this girl any kind of millions of dollars. We have a brand new roof and stadiums to build gaddamit.




PAGE 16: Thank you very much. I think we have just won this case. PS One more thing! We will not be paying her any millions of dollars. In fact she owes us millions of dollars because she did not take care of Roberta Vinci who got a bye into the quarters and thus was able to take out in the semifinal Serena Williams who was our real money maker. This caused a massive loss of revenue because ain’t nobody had time for that all-Italian final. It was all about the #SerenaCalendarSlam.Therefore, we will be submitting documents soon seeking damages from Ms. Bouchard regarding that matter.

That's all for now

That’s all for now


We CANNOT WAIT for the trial! It will be EN FIRE!!!


Podcast #34: CzechMate and London

In ATP World Tour Finals, Fed Cup on November 16, 2015 at 8:31 am


Here is the latest podcast from the team

Also check us out on Podbean if Youtube is too much for your bandwidth: RTF Podcast #34