Realz

Aus Open 2016: Fashion Run Afoul Down Under

In Andreas Seppi, Australian Open on January 17, 2016 at 11:36 pm

Hey all you Realz Fanz, I am sure you are excited about the beginning of the 2016 major season which gets under way with the Australian Open in Melbourne. I am kinda excited though I am not keyed up as I would have been in recent years. I have long accepted the fact that Roger Federer and Venus Williams, my TOP FAVES are not going to win slams … well unlikely to win. However,  I am looking forward to seeing some brilliant and inspiring tennis on court during the next two weeks. 

As always myself and the lovely ladies in Andreen (@A_Gallivant) and Janina (@JLR78) break down both the men and women’s draws. You can take a listen below either on YouTube or on Podbean. 

On Podbean as well

However, the reason for this post is not to discuss tennis per se but to really get into the fashion of the tennis players. Now seriously, I have been following professional tennis for a LONG LONG LONG time and for the life of me, I do not understand how rich young people with amazing bodies commit so many acts of fashion suicide. These young rich folks appear to be have been styled by the Fashion Institute for the Blind or their worst enemy. In my mind, I think at times, it has to be that they are deliberately looking ridiculous so as to piss me off.

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Anyway, the players, a select group I imagine, went to the IMG players’ party and it was a virtual shit show in this fashion. As always, I am right there to hand out grades and constructive criticism. I truly pray that these folks would consult me before going out ever again. 

When it comes to the menz, I really cannot give them a grade. It is so easy for them to be honest. I only give out grades if they are absolutely horrendous. 

I'm done talking about Kei and his teeth. He needs to take a million of that $60+ million from Uniqlo and get them chompers in order. This is UNACCEPTABLE

I’m done talking about Kei and his teeth, or lack there of. He needs to take a million of that $60+ million from Uniqlo and get them chompers in order. This is UNACCEPTABLE

Meanwhile, it seems that Kei is heading to a college frat party

Meanwhile, it seems that Kei is heading to a college frat party

And so is FeFe Lopez

And so is FeFe Lopez

This is a really bad angled photo but it is them jeans that I am having issues with. What the hell is going on with that zipper ... #creepy

This is a really bad angled photo but it is them jeans that I am having issues with. What the hell is going on with that zipper … #creepy

Did they all shop at the same place. I cannot even look at Harrison and them grandfather shoes. No need to ask, we all know Ryan is heading to the same frat party

Did they all shop at the same place. I cannot even look at Harrison and them grandfather shoes. No need to ask, we all know Ryan is heading to the same frat party. By the way Ryan, one bit of advice, “Fitted Jeans”!! 

Apparently, Heather is just one of the guys. I don't understand what's happening here. This has to be the "before picture" and we have to wait for the "after picture" when she is ready.

Apparently, Heather is just one of the guys. I don’t understand what’s happening here. This has to be the “before picture” and we have to wait for the “after picture” when she is ready.

Divadal, your personality is supposed to be whimsical and not your hair. Surely, it is time to talk to your doctors about Rogaine or whatever else is new in the men's hair loss treatment department.

Divadal, your personality is supposed to be whimsical, not your hair. Surely, it is time to talk to your doctors about Rogaine or whatever else is new in the men’s hair loss treatment department.

As per the norm, Divadal looks uncomfortable as fuck! BUT the outfit looks really nice on him. I love the shades of blue

As per the norm, Divadal looks uncomfortable as fuck! BUT the outfit looks really nice on him. I love the shades of blue

I was ready to rip into Kyle here but then I realized that I never see him at these events. Astronauts (players on the satellite and challenger circuits) don't get invited to these premiere events.  So he gets a pass as this was clearly his first time and he surely is the guest of a guest. Kyle, I won't be so kind next time.

I was ready to rip into Kyle here but then I realized that I never see him at these events. Astronauts (players on the satellite and challenger circuits) don’t get invited to these premiere events. So he gets a pass as this was clearly his first time and he surely is the guest of a guest. Kyle, I won’t be so kind next time.

David Ferrer looks all right! He doesn't look bad but it is a very safe choice. I cannot hate on him too much here at all.

David Ferrer looks all right! He doesn’t look bad but it is a very safe choice. I cannot hate on him too much here at all.

Clearly someone did not explain to Seppi that this players' event was not being held in the locker room. And they say Italians have great fashion sense!

Clearly someone did not explain to Seppi that this players’ event was not being held in the locker room. And they say Italians have great fashion sense!

Look at the French showing you how it is done! #HubertforHusband He just exudes absolute charm and quiet sex appeal.

Look at the French showing you how it is done! #HubertforHusband He just exudes absolute charm and quiet sex appeal.

Of course it goes without saying that my main man Samuel Groth knows how to impress at outings. I never let my man go out looking like a mess. Meanwhile that lil hussy Josh Gibson was trying to angle in on my property but I had to let him know that Sam Space is already occupied #backoffbitch

Of course it goes without saying that my main man Samuel Groth knows how to impress at outings. I never let my man go out looking like a mess. Meanwhile that lil hussy Josh Gibson was trying to angle in on my property but I had to let him know that Sam Space is already occupied #backoffbitch

I perhaps never say it often ... in fact, I don't think I have never said it before, Maria is beautiful. Just looking ravishing and radiant in this photo

I perhaps never say it often … in fact, I don’t think I have never said it before, Maria is beautiful. Just looking ravishing and radiant in this photo

For once she isn't accentuating her "manish" shoulders. This outfit I think works very well. The colours, the length, her hair and makeup are #flawless. Maria you get an A+

For once she isn’t accentuating her “manish” shoulders. This outfit I think works very well. The colours, the length, her hair and makeup are #flawless. Maria you get an A+

Meanwhile, is this a silent protest from the Russian again her motherland's draconian homophobic laws. I see her dress and all I am thinking about is marriage equality.

Meanwhile, is this a silent protest from the Russian again her motherland’s draconian homophobic laws. I see her dress and all I am thinking about is marriage equality.

Hmmm I kinda indifferent to Pliskova's look right now. Karo, you get an M for Meh

Hmmm I kinda indifferent to Pliskova’s look right now. Karo, you get an M for Meh

Apparently, in her post career life, LiNaLi is the WTA secretary? Why gurl? WHY?? That red lipstick is too RED, you're looking clownish and you need some powder for your face as it is too shiny or sweaty but I am gonna say "shiny". That skirt length needs to be CHOPPED. Show those legs. Unbutton one of those buttons on the blouse and let that hair down. Those shoes aren't right but I am going to give you a C+ because you are somebody's mother now.

Apparently, in her post career life, LiNaLi is the WTA secretary? Why gurl? WHY?? That red lipstick is too RED, you’re looking clownish and you need some powder for your face as it is too shiny or sweaty but I am gonna say “shiny”. That skirt length needs to be CHOPPED. Show those legs. Unbutton one of those buttons on the blouse and let that hair down. Those shoes aren’t right but I am going to give you a C+ because you are somebody’s mother now.

Genie, why is your hair looking a mess right now? What were you doing before this shot??

Genie, why is your hair looking a mess right now? What were you doing before this shot??

This outfit clearly deserves an A if only we were talking about tennis kit. But as it is an evening wear, I'm gonna have to give this a D-. It fits but it certainly doesn't flatter

This outfit clearly deserves an A if only we were talking about tennis kit. But as it is an evening wear, I’m gonna have to give this a D-. It fits but it certainly doesn’t flatter

Victoria "Vika" Azarenka. What in the name of fashion is this fucking mess? You look RIDICULOUS. I cannot even give you an F. That's too high a grade for this shit.

Victoria “Vika” Azarenka. What in the name of fashion is this fucking mess? You look RIDICULOUS. I cannot even give you an F. That’s too high a grade for this shit.

WTF? WTMFF is this garbage. She looks like she cut up some eccentric nurses' scrubs and added the belt and the shoes thinking the ensemble would look cute. Azarenka, honey, YOU LOOK BAD. You get an H for Horrendous

WTF? WTMFF is this garbage. She looks like she cut up some eccentric nurses’ scrubs and added the belt and the shoes thinking the ensemble would look cute. Azarenka, honey, YOU LOOK BAD. You get an H for Horrendous

I almost think that she looked better her than at this party.

I almost think that she looked better her than at this party.

A funny thing happened to Serena on her way to the players' party. She misheard and thought it was a "dance party". She looks ready to drop it like it's hot. Serena you know I am going to have to get on your for that weave/wig and them eyebushes gurl. We need to do better boo!!

A funny thing happened to Serena on her way to the players’ party. She misheard and thought it was a “dance party”. She looks ready to drop it like it’s hot. Serena you know I am going to have to get on your for that weave/wig and them eyebushes gurl. We need to do better boo!!

Madison apparently is apparently locked up in fashion hell and don't have a clue or keys to get out. This looks so bad, I think Vika looks better. Them shoes are WRONG, murdering her toes and sweety what is going on with the dress? The colour, the form, the fit, your breasts are hanging out. Why? WHY?

Madison apparently is locked up in fashion hell and don’t have a clue or keys to get out. This looks so bad, I think Vika looks better. Them shoes are WRONG, murdering her toes and sweety what is going on with the dress? The colour, the form, the fit, your breasts are hanging out. Why? WHY?

Someone couldn't give you some make up to fix this. How you checked yourself in a mirror and thought it was all okay to go out like this? I have no choice for to give this an F for a fucking fail

Someone couldn’t give you some make up to fix this. How you checked yourself in a mirror and thought it was all okay to go out like this? I have no choice for to give this an F for a fucking fail

So BMS didn't have time to change as practice and just showed up like this after getting off the courts.

So BMS didn’t have time to change as practice and just showed up like this after getting off the courts.

Again another newbie. I wanna say so much but I am hoping that we learns from this experience and do better for Wimbledon.

Again another newbie. I wanna say so much but I am hoping that we learns from this experience and do better for Wimbledon.

Everything is nice but somehow it just does not work for me overall. Her hair is right, dress form its colour and everything are great. However, she just looks off in it altogether like it does not belong to her.

Everything is nice but somehow it just does not work for me overall. Her hair is right, dress form its colour and everything are great. However, she just looks off in it altogether like it does not belong to her. However, I have to give her a solid B+

Pavs looks great here but the pose is all wrong. I mean she looks good for her usual self.

Pavs looks great here but the pose is all wrong. I mean she looks good for her usual self. Body make up boo for those tan lines

This used to be Pavy's usual getup at these events. So we have to give credit where credit is due. She gets a solid C for this.

This used to be Pavy’s usual getup at these events. So we have to give credit where credit is due. She gets a solid C for this.

I am not sure about it. Cute top but those pants do not work. This needed a skirt or a different top. Either way, doesn't really work for me and Svitolina, you get a C-

I am not sure about it. Cute top but those pants do not work. This needed a skirt or a different top. Either way, doesn’t really work for me and Svitolina, you get a C-

I really need someone to explain to me why is it that the Spanish men ALWAYS look right but the ladies ALWAYS look a right mess. Why is Garbine wearing this shit in public? I don't even know where to begin

I really need someone to explain to me why is it that the Spanish men ALWAYS look right but the ladies ALWAYS look a right mess. Why is Garbine wearing this shit in public? I don’t even know where to begin .. First the hair looks like it was just washed with supermarket shampoo; that makeup isn’t flattering; that blouse is for a child not a grown woman: those pants … I think you would find that her grandmother’s couch is missing fabric as it is now her pants: her sandals … #icant

She was doing everything right until she decided to follow her hubby and match him with the white shoes. Why? Why? And I am going to pretend like I am not seeing that purse at all.

She was doing everything right until she decided to follow her hubby and match him with the white shoes. Why? Why? And I am going to pretend like I am not seeing that purse at all.

Thank God for small miracles. Katya baby looks like her and not the daddy# #keepingitrealz

Thank God for small miracles. Katya baby looks like her and not the daddy# #keepingitrealz

They get my vote for the best overall dressed. At least they make no bones about it being all costumes.

They get my vote for the best overall dressed. At least they make no bones about it being all costumes.

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  1. Wtf is your problem your nobody to be judging these players!!!! So fuck off

    • And who are you? … Then I guess that makes you even less qualified to judge me. You have a great day and thanks for checking out the blog. If you don’t like it, then stay the “fuck off” if I may quote you. Thanks again.

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