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2015 Australian Open: Womenz Preview

In Agnes Radwanska, Alize Cornet, Ana Ivanovic, Andrea Petkovic, Angelique Kerber, Australian Open, Carla Suarez Narravo, Caroline Wozniacki, Dominika Cibulkova, Ekaterina Makarova, Eugenie Bouchard, Flavia Pennetta, Genie Bouchard, Lindsay Davenport, Maria Sharapova, Na Li, Petra Kvitova, Sabine Lisicki, Sam Stosur, Sara Errani, Serena Williams, Simona Halep, Slaone Stephens, Tennis, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on January 18, 2015 at 3:23 pm
I am so happy to not be out there in the hot sun this year!

I am so happy to not be out there in the hot sun this year!

The Womenz Draw should be very interesting this year. For first time in a good while, Serena Williams is not the name of the favourite to win this tournament. Mind you, that is not to say that people are discounting the American. No, far from it. They simply think there might be others willing and capable of taking this major crown. In fact, Williams despite being the 5-time Australian champion is less favoured over Simona Halep (3) who apparently many feel is the sure bet winner. I am as confused by this as you are. I really cannot offer any real reason behind this logic other than to say since Halep is one of the 128 women signed up in the main draw, she, like each of the other 127 women do stand a chance of winning the title. That is the best I can do with this information.  

Someone tell ReRe that she is gonna need a hair net because I ain't trying to eat none of that hair in my cake

Someone tell ReRe that she is gonna need a hair net because I ain’t trying to eat none of that hair in my cake. (I am gonna pretend like I didn’t see those hair edges looking like a seaside cliff all rough and rocky)

Anyway, this 2015 season is just over 2 weeks old and there have been many oddities. Serena did not play a real tournament coming into the major as she has done in recent years. She was the two-time defending champion in Brisbane but she opted not to play that tournament for Hopman Cup, a mixed exhibition tournament. She made it to the finals with partner John Isner having struggled all the way there. Serenanator was well off her game though many say not to read much into this. Nonetheless, she got bagelled by Penne Pasta Pennetta, Bouchard clocked and snatched her wig winning in straight sets 6-1 6-2 or something like that and then struggled past Safarova. In the finals v Bratzwanska she was messy like a public bathroom. Again, one should not read much into this they say. I for one think that a Serena going into the Aussie Open full of confidence makes for a problematic Serena. Last three years 2012-2014, she was the heavy favourite and each year saw the American leaving Melbourne empty-handed. Hopefully this year brings greater fortune.

Serena didn't come this year and I finally got the Brisbane title

Serena didn’t come this year and I finally got the Brisbane title

In her absence, Martha (2) picked up the Brisbane title seeing as she lost to Serena there the last two years. Anyway, Shriekapova avenged her Cincinnati loss to Ivanovic the Terrible (5) in the final. Martha, the 3-time finalist and 2008 Champion is definitely looking to pick up another Aussie title. Simona Halep like I said is also inexplicably in my book, garnering a lot of attention. Many feel that she can take the crown here. She won a title in Shenzhen and then signed up to play Sydney. She pulled out thankfully citing injury. I do not understand why Mrs. Koolaide Juice Jug thinks she has to play week in and week out. It is just not that serious.

Simona Halep aka Mrs. Koolaide Juice Jug with her Shenzhen trophy

Simona Halep aka Mrs. Koolaide Juice Jug with her Shenzhen trophy

GHW Kvitova with her Sydney trophy

GHW Kvitova with her Sydney trophy

Who eventually won Sydney was GHW Kvitova (4) who lost to some Bascinzsky girl in straight sets in Shenzhen in the first week. I do not understand how that happened myself but I saw the match so I can tell you with much certainty that it did happen for real. So Kvitova is coming into a major having played two weeks of tennis. I am not her coach so again I am clueless as to logic behind this bit of madness. Look I am not trying to shade Petra here or anything like that but I have this slight observation. Petra be playing so much tennis yet she is not the fittest lady on tour. I do not get this but clearly it is not for me to get.

Granny Vee with her Auckland trophy and moist hairdo

Granny Vee with her Auckland trophy and moist hairdo

Anyway, while we are on the subject of fitness, spare me a moment of your time to talk about Ebony Starr aka Granny Vee aka Venus Williams (18). Venus returned to Auckland this year having lost in last year’s final and again made a very decisive run this year to take the title. She faced her sister’s supposed BFF Caroline Woz aka Danish Biscuit (8) for the title. Venus who has never lost to the Dane was en pointe after dropping the opening set. So Granny Vee is also coming into this tournament with a lot of steam behind her name. Meanwhile, Agatha aka Bratzwanska (6) got herself a new coach, the one and only Martina Navratilova. So a lot of buzz is behind Agatha now because the perennial bridesmaid is looking to finally be the bride and win a major. Martina thinks she can do this. I have my doubts about this. Anyhow, so Aga beat Serena at the exhibition and the ESPN cronies were beside themselves; “It’s the Martina influence!” Then Agatha went to a real tournament and lost her opening match. Is this Martina again? I just sipped my tea because if I say something people will say I am a hater. So I am going to keep quiet on this matter.

sips-tea-meme-honey-boo-boo

Anyway, in other really big news on the women’s side is the fact that the number 1 ranking is up for grabs amongst Serenanator, Shriekapova, Koolaide Jug and GHW (Grand High Witch. I am not being mean here at but sometimes Petra be reminding me of Anjelica Huston from The Witches. Check it out and comment below if you agree and/or disagree). Anyway, the top 4 ladies all have a chance to be number 1 depending on how far they each go and how well the others do.

Wait what? We can all be Number 1 at the end of this week? NO only the Top 4 and just in case you're unclear about this Caro, that means, ReRe, Martha, Simona and Petra!

Wait what? We can all be Number 1 at the end of this week? NO only the Top 4 and just in case you’re unclear about this Caro, that means, ReRe, Martha, Simona and Petra! Because some of you look like you can’t count … No shade Genie

Let’s get to the main reason why we are here: the Draw Breakdown. Like the menz, we will be doing the same thing; breaking down the main draw into halves, then quarters and finally eighths.

2015 Australian Open Top Womenz Seeds

Top Half

Bottom Half

1. Serena Williams (Serenanator/ReRe) 2. Maria Sharapova (Martha/Shriekapova)
4. Petra Kvitova (Grand High Witch) 3. Simona Halep (Mrs. Koolaide Juice Jug)
6. Agnieszka Radwanska (Agatha/Bratzwanska) 5. Ana Ivanovic (Ivanovic the Terrible)
8. Caroline Wozniacki (Danish Biscuit) 7. Genie Bouchard (Nothing has stick yet)
11. Dominika Cibulkova (Cibuttkova) 9. Angelique Kerber (Angie/Carebear Kerber)
12. Flavia Pennetta (Penne Pasta Pennetta) 10. Ekaterina Makarova (Not worthy)
13. Andrea Petkovic (Not worthy) 14. Sara Errani (Alien v Predator/ETranni)
15. Jelena Jankovic (Fivehead Jungle Witch) 16.  Lucie Safarova (Lady Gollum)
18. Venus Williams (Granny Vee/Ebony Starr) 17. Carla Suarez-Navarro (Nothing has stick yet)
19. Alizé Cornet (Lordlize Cornemort) 21. Shuai Peng (Not worthy)
20. Sam Stosur (D’Stove) 22. Karolina Pliskova (Not worthy)
24. Garbine Muguruza (Not worthy) 23. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (Fattychunkova)
25. Barbora Zahlavova-Strycova (Not worthy) 27. Svetlana Kuznetsova (Kuzi-Rexi)
26. Elina Svitolina (Not worthy) 28. Sabine Lisicki (Lose-sicki)
29. Casey Dellacqua (Not worthy) 31. Zarina Diyas (Not worthy)
30. Varvara Lepchenko (Not worthy) 32. Belinda Bencic (Not worthy)

 *Please note (Not worthy) means the player has not done much yet to earn a suitable moniker! It does not mean she is not worthy as a person!
** Please note (Nothing has stick yet) means there has been several attempts to give the player a moniker but nothing has really stood through the test of times. 

Serenanator (1) v GHW Kvitova (4) Top Half

Should they reach they both reach the semis, it should be an interesting match

Should they reach they both reach the semis, it should be an interesting match

Serenanator (1) v Danish Biscuit (8) Quarter

You best get your life together because you know everyone is gunning to take you out

You best get your life together because you know everyone is gunning to take you out

Serena’s Section Eighth: At the end of the day, it has to be said that the only real bother that Serenanator has is herself. She is quite capable of decimating the entire field without a pause. She is really that good. However, as has been quite evident in her career, she allows herself to get in the way of herself (if that makes any kinda sense to you). Serena’s B game and/or C game is still capable of beating most of the tour. The thing is that, at majors, many of these women are no longer allowing her to get away with an average performance. Serena herself admitted last Wimbledon that she has to come out blazing because there are girls/women out there who come into a tournament just to play that one match of a lifetime to beat her and then get dismissed the next day. She knows that if she wants to win majors, it will require two weeks of focus, determination and great tennis.

Thank heavens we are seeing no more blonde Remi weave

Thank heavens we are seeing no more blonde Remi weave

With that said, the American should get to the 4th round no problemo! Svitolina (26) an up and coming Ukrainian is her potential 3rd round opponent but I see Serena getting past her without much of a headache. However, we thought that this would have been the case at Wimbledon and the French Open last year and Serena did not get out of the 3rd round of either of those tournaments. And speaking of those tournament, both Lordlize Cornemort (19) [beat her in the 3rd round of Wimbledon] and Garbine Muguruza (24) [beat her in the 2nd round of the French Open] are in this quarter. Serena may face Muguruza in the 4th round if the Spaniard takes out Fivehead Jankovic (15) in the 3rd round. Serena will only face Cornemort if the Frenchwoman can get to the quarterfinals; something she has yet to do in her 35 previous appearances at majors.

Do I look bothered by the fact that Muguruza and Cornemort as in my section of the draw? No really do I look bothered because I am not sure if I am at all.

Do I look bothered by the fact that Muguruza and Cornemort as in my section of the draw? No really do I look bothered because I am not sure if I am at all.

Woz is desperately looking for her 1st major title

Woz is desperately looking for her 1st major title

Danish Biscuit’s Section Eighth: This is a rather interesting section as Woz opens her campaign for her 1st ever major title facing young American Taylor Townsend who might be going places in the world of tennis. Nothing would be better for the American than a solid win over a top ranked player. Nonetheless, I think Woz will win this. The really interesting thing about this section is that the 2nd round opponent for Woz could be 2-time Aussie Open champion, Vickie Azarenka. Vickie is coming off injury and has virtually missed an entire year, so her rankings are not where they could be. Vickie will face Slowe Stephens in the 1st round, a re-match of 2013 semifinals and 2014 4th round here in Melbourne. This is a MUST SEE MATCH I think. So Woz has a lot of dangerous floaters in her part including Barbora Zahlavova-Strycova (25) in the 3rd round and either Cornemort (19) or last year’s finalist Cibuttkova (11) in the Round of 16. After getting past all this, Woz might face Serena for a chance to play the semis. She is basically in a mind field; so many potential places for it to all blow up in her face.

2-time champion here in Melbourne is also desperate to find her winning form coming back from injury

2-time champion here in Melbourne is also desperate to find her winning form coming back from injury

GHW Kvitova (4) v Aga Bratzwanska (6) Quarter

Poor Petra does not do well in the heat

Poor Petra does not do well in the heat

GHW Kvitova’s Section Eighth: I honestly expect Kvitova to get to the 4th round without any problems. Anything less than that, she deserves scorn and mockery. It is time that the 2-time Wimbledon champion stop losing to no-namers all over the place and struggling through “epic 3-set matches”. American Madison Keys has recently added the services of 2000 Aussie Open champion Lindsay Davenport to her camp. Hopefully this helps the young American be more reliable in matches. She will have to get by Kvitova in the 3rd round though and that will be a true measure of things. Someone to watch in this section is Andrea Petkovic (13) who has a real shot of getting to the 4th round here looking at the draw. Someone to not watch is Sam Stosur (20) who I am sure will go out in the 1st round. D’Stove is incapable of winning in her home country. I swear even if you write D’Stove in the final, she would find a way of losing in the semifinals. It is like she is allergic to the home crowd support. So like I said, it is Kvitova’s section to win or lose. She should be in the quarters.

Madison Keys and Lindsay Davenport

Madison Keys and Lindsay Davenport

Sam stretching for nothing in Melbourne

Sam stretching for nothing in Melbourne

Aga and her new coach Martina

Aga and her new coach Martina

Aga Bratzwanska (6) Section Eighth: No doubt about it, Aga should make it to the Round of 16 no trouble other than a potential tricky opponent in Varvara Lepchencko (30) in the 3rd round. However, the real glitz of this section is that Venus Williams (18) is present here. Venus is playing well as per Brisbane and she is moving forward a lot and showing off a much improved volleying technique thanks to Katrina Adams, the new USTA President (congrats gurl). Hopefully, she MUST play smart efficient tennis out there and get through to the 4th Round. She would have to beat Penne Pasta Pennetta (12) though in the 3rd round. Also meeting Aga in the Round of 16 is not good because Venus has been dragged by the Pole as of late. She can barely win a set off Aga. So she will need all her strength to get through that match and face Kvitova in the quarters for another showdown match! Their Wimbledon encounter last year was arguably the best match of the women’s tournament.

Martha Shriekapova (2) v Ms. Koolaide Juice Jug Halep (3) Bottom Half

Simona has been Martha's pigeon as of late, so she will be looking to change that this tournament

Simona has been Martha’s pigeon as of late, so she will be looking to change that this tournament

Halep (3) v Ivanovic the Terrible (5) Quarter

Promise me that Ivanovic the Terrible is not going to show up here in Melbourne.

Promise me that Ivanovic the Terrible is not going to show up here in Melbourne.

Ivanovic the Terrible’s Section Eighth: Ana should get to the Round of 16 which she will potential meet tough lefty Ekaterina Makarova (10) there. Makarova is a dangerous floater at majors. She is always good for one major upset. If she gets past the Russian, there will a Romanian in the form of Halep waiting there for her. Meanwhile of her own accord, Ivanovic the Terrible can show up and mess up Ana’s life and have her losing to a Belinda Bencic (32) for no reason in the 3rd round. So be prepared for anything from this section.

Realz don't watch my eyebrows. I know they need to be done but we're not here for that

Realz don’t watch my eyebrows. I know they need to be done but we’re not here for that

Halep’s Section Eighth: Halep had a glorious 2014, quarterfinalist here, finals in Roland Garros and Wimbledon semifinals. Not to mention that she made it to the WTA YEC final beating Serena in straight sets on her way there only to lose in straight sets to Serena but she played a great tournament. With all that, Koolaide Juice Jug is hoping to improve upon those results this year with a new coach who she said is more in line with her Romanian philosophy. I think Halep will make the quarterfinal without much of a fuss. In the 3rd round, she could meet Sabine Lisicki (28) aka Lose-sicki but even this matchup I am sure Halep will get by without any trouble. Sara ETrrani (14) is a possible 4th round opponent. However, I am not sure what the Italian will do this year on tour. Her ranking is slipping downwards so she would definitely love a boost to be back in the top 10. She is also a dangerous player except when she is playing Martha or Serena. Otherwise, Errani can be hell for most players on her good day. So if Halep wants to win this title or at least get close to winning it, she best watch out for the likes of Errani.

Martha Shriekapova (2) v Bouchard (7) Quarter

Wait what? You're saying if this were the sport that's the only way I am winning a major?

Wait what? You’re saying if this were the sport that’s the only way I am winning a major?

Bouchard’s Section Eighth: The Canadian is another of those young ladies who had a great 2014: semis in Melbourne, Roland Garros and a Wimbledon final. She also got to the WTA finals but she did not win a single match in her debut. Nonetheless, she has a lot of points to defend this year and without a coach in her corner, things might not be so smooth as they were last year. Bouchard could face veteran and 2-time major champion Kuzi-Rex (27) in the 3rd round and then the tricky German lefty, Carebear Kerber (9) or that Spanish Lady Hobbit, Carla Suarez Navarro (17) in the Round of 16. I do not think Bouchard is gonna make it to the quarterfinals but one never knows.

Wait what? Cornemort and Murguruza are in the same quarter as Serena? Sweet LOL

Wait what? Cornemort and Murguruza are in the same quarter as Serena? Sweet LOL

And no I don't practice the dark arts of draw fixing ... at least not all the time :-)

And no I don’t practice the dark arts of draw fixing … at least not all the time 🙂

Martha Shriekapova’s Section Eighth: I think we can just about safely write in quarterfinals and/or semifinals. She has no real threats in path at all. In fact, she has not lost to Halep yet. So even if the seeds stay true to form, Martha might be a sure bet. Her 3rd round opponent is Zarina Diyas (31) who has no fire power to hurt Martha in the least. Only tough draw for the Russian might be Lucie Safarova (16) who will have to play the match of her life to get this upset. Nonetheless, I think we can put Martha in the finals and if anyone shows up other than Kvitova and Serena, it is Martha’s title to win or lose.

So here we are at the end! I hope we have a fun and great Aussie Open this year. Hopefully my favourites get their lives together and win the darn thing!

As much as I want to be loving LiNaLi in this picture giving me that pregnancy glow, that security guard in those shoes are KILLING ME! This is why I can never buy a pair of New Balance to save my life

As much as I want to be loving LiNaLi in this picture giving me life with that beautiful pregnancy glow, that security guard in those shoes is KILLING ME! This is why I can never buy a pair of New Balance to save my life

Vickie is out partying. I hope she has her life together because she has a tough road ahead of her to get back to the top

Vickie is out partying. I hope she has her life together because she has a tough road ahead of her to get back to the top

It is like Venus loves to piss me off. WTF is she wearing a napkin on her head. And I am sorry this dress looks okay but it is giving me Christmas Angel pageant so I cannot approve

It is like Venus loves to piss me off. WTF is she wearing a napkin on her head? And I am sorry this dress looks okay but it is giving me Christmas Angel pageant so I cannot approve. Serena I can see your busted edges from here

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Wimbledon 2014: Day 3

In Alize Cornet, Ana Ivanovic, Andrea Petkovic, Angelique Kerber, Bernard Tomic, David Ferrer, Flavia Pennetta, Gilles Simon, Grigor Dimitrov, Li Na, Maria Kirilenko, Sergiy Stakhovsky, Tomas Berdych, Varvara Lepchenko, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on June 27, 2014 at 2:50 pm
This is how I like to think of myself when it comes to tennis ... I exude absolute coolness

This is how I like to think of myself when it comes to tennis … I exude absolute coolness

I guess because this is late, I cannot think of anything to tell you but the scores. I hope you folks are enjoying the blog. I have to say that I forsake sleep and exercise to get it out to you. So PLEASE COMMENT, LIKE and SHARE. It is an interesting fact that a lot of people read blogs but rarely comment. That is to say that more people read the blogs that actually do comment. So if you get like 20 comments per posting, you probably have well over 2000 readers … I mean I do not know the real science behind but I am sure the different is exponential. Most people do not notice this on the popular blogs that they read mainly because said blog has A LOT of readers. I would love for that to happen to RealzTenisFanz. Make it happen okay. I beg you.

She was a mess against Shark Boy who almost bit his wig off

She was a mess against Shark Boy who almost bit his wig off

So Djoker Harlequeen (1) was a mess against Shark Boy Stepanek. I mean seriously, he barely knew whether he was coming or going. Shark Boy was making him look amateur at some points. Djoker was up 5-2 in that breaker if I am not mistaken and allowed Stepanek back into the match. I have to say though that Stepanek was working his shark tail off. He really wanted a set from Djoker; something he had never done before. Well he got his wish. He won a set but he certainly did not win the match. Djoker moves through to the 3rd round 6-4 6-3 6-7 7-6. Meanwhile, Lochness Monster just gobbled up his competition. He dropped just two games in the match 6-1 6-1 6-0.

Amelie is proud of her work so far with Lochness Monster

Amelie is proud of her work so far with Lochness Monster

Berdshite (6) played another piece of mess Bernard Tampomic for a place in the 3rd round. For a while, it looked as though Tampomic was going to get the upset as Berdshite was simply meandering around the court and barely trying to win the match. Tampomic took the 1st set 6-4 and had looks in the next two sets. However, after the Aussie butt lost the 2nd and 3rd sets in the breakers, he would become dejected on court. Berdshite capitalized on this negativity and ran away with the match 4-6 7-6 7-6 6-1. Sharapova’s clutch, Dimitrov (11) was able to finish off another Australian, Luke Saville, in straight sets, 6-3 6-2 6-4. A lot of people are talking about Dimitrov like he has some chance of winning Wimbledon this year … Yeah I mean he does have a chance if food poisoning attacks the draw and leaves them debilitated. I mean anything can happen no?

YEAHHHHHHH I won the battle of the shits

YEAHHHHHHH I won the battle of the shits

Other winners on the day include Mr. Pignini (16), Kevin Anderson (20), BWLLAGWLLAB Dolgopolov (21), Chin Cilic (26), Roberto Bautista-Agut (27), Leonard Mayer who beat Marcos Fathdatis, Gilles Simon who will play Djoker in the 3rd round as well as fellow countryman Jeremy Chardy who beat Marinko Matosevic in 5 sets.

Fake Fire Ferrer got blown out in the 2nd round AND not in a good way

Fake Fire Ferrer got blown out in the 2nd round AND not in a good way

There were several upsets of notable players. Fake Fire Ferrer (7) ended his run of consecutive Round of 16 or better at a major at 16 as he was dismissed in the 2nd round by Andrey Kuznetsov in 5 sets. Kuznetsov won 6-7 6-0 3-6 6-3 6-2. It is rather shocking as one expected better of Fake Fire Ferrer. I guess that beatdown in Paris from Divadal did not help his spirits. Fake Fire Ferrer stated after that devastating lost that he basically gave up. Seems like that fighting spirit is gone. I mean he lost a set 0-6 to some scrub though Kuznetsov was the boy’s champion here back in 2009 if I am not mistaken. Anyway another bit upset was Ernest Gulbis (12) aka Goony Gulbis who got clipped by that “2nd Round seed killer” Sergiy Stakhovsky. You might remember Stakhovsky who took out Mr. Federer last year in this same round. Now this year, he came for Gulbis, the 2014 French Open semifinalist who incidentally beat Mr. Federer in the 4th round of the French Open this year. Stakhovsky was all over Goony Gulbis’s wig from the start as he broke him at love if I am not mistaken. Stakhovsky would lead all the way to a 6-4 6-3 7-6 victory. Gulbis would later say he in essence did not have his “A-game” for reasons he could not get into. I mean seriously gurl, ain’t nobody was checking for you to do anything special at Wimbledon. We all expected you to flap like some chicken wings and fly to nowhere fast. So whatever gurl, in the worlds of the immortal Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” Meanwhile, the ever enigmatic Mikhail Youzhny (17) lost in 4 sets to some qualifier. Here again, no one was really checking for this one but we sorta figured that these lower scrubs would have the decency to at least get to the 3rd round or the Round of 16 but whatever. They most certainly were not relevant to the plot here at Wimbledon.

What she said!!

What she said!!

On the ladies side, LiNaLi (2) made easy work of Yvonne Meusburger 6-2 6-2 to move quietly through to the 3rd round. Bratzwanska (4) took on Aussie Casey Dellacqua and was up 5-1 in the 1st set before losing the momentum as Dellacqua broke her twice to get back on serve 4-5. However, Dellacqua got all … I don’t even know what to say, I guess she got “leotarded” as she went on to lose 7 successive games in a row. Bratzwanska moves through 6-4 6-0. Dellacqua you really could not try and lift Australia’s hopes since D’Stove went out like a candle in the wind in the 1st round. Whatever gurl! Whatever! Anyway Grand High Witch, GHW Kvitova (6) took out Mona Barthel as though she stole something from her coven. Kvitova down 1-2 in the 1st set, reeled 11 straight games to take the match 6-2 6-0.

Bratzwanska is quietly moving through the draw possibly heading to another Wimbledon final

Bratzwanska is quietly moving through the draw possibly heading to another Wimbledon final

GHW will take on Ebony Starr Williams (30) aka Venus in the 3rd round. Granny Vee won 7-64 6-1 over her opponent, Kumuri Nara. Now, Granny Vee was behind nearly every stage of the match; down 0-3 in the 1st set then 1-4 in the tiebreaker and finally down a break 0-1 in the 2nd set. However, the very experienced lady got her life together or perhaps she realized that I was reading her for filth on RealzTenisFanz the Facebook edition as well as on Twitter. Whatever the case, she began to play the type of tennis that brought her 7 major titles. She will need to play way way way better than this to take out GHW who has a 3-1 record over the American. Actually I do not care how Granny Vee wins, just as so long as it is legal and she wins.

Granny Vee look to be her old self

Granny Vee look to be her old self

Other winners include Cibuttkova (10) who rallied from 2-5 down in the 3rd set to get past some Belgian Alison Van Uytvanck I think it is, 3-6 6-3 8-6. Danish Biscuit (16), Lady Gollum Safarova (23) and Ekaterina Makarova (22) all won in straight sets. Former Wimbledon finalist back in 2010, Vera Zvonareva beat British hopeful Tara Moore I think it is 6-4 6-7 9-7. Zvonareva twice had to fight for her life as Moore served for the match up 5-3 and 6-5 in the 3rd set. Seems like Zvonareva finally found some backbone as she did not wither away on court. You know usually the court would be flooded with tears in these tough situations.

Tear free is Zvonareva

Tear free is Zvonareva

By way of upsets, we saw Vickie (8) being dismissed by Bojana Jovanovski 3-6 6-3 5-7. Vickie fought her way back from 1-4 in the 3rd set but that iffy serve of her could not help her sustain the momentum. I really hope Jovanovski makes some noise and not just screaming her throat out on court. I have long liked the look of this girl, Jovanovski I mean. I really hope that she makes much of this win and not get upset in the 3rd round because she does favour being a BBB (Basic Ball Basher). Penne Pasta Pennetta (12) also got dismissed by American Lauren Davis in straight sets, 4-6 6-7. Elena Vesnina (32) who beat Granny Vee in 2012 in the 1st round also got sent home. You know I am all smiles about this. Other interesting losers, Coco Vandeweghe, Varvane Lepchenko, Maria Krazilenko and Yanina Wickmayer all scored upsets in the 1st round and all got dismissed in the 2nd round. “Gurls Bye!”

I mean Professora X says it best

I mean Professora X says it best

Maria's clutch Dimitrov giving you that "European scruff look" as well as a treasure trail

Maria’s clutch Dimitrov giving you that “European scruff look” as well as a treasure trail

Yeah even I applaud myself

Yeah even I applaud myself

Chin Cilic giving you more scruff

Chin Cilic giving you more scruff

Baby Ali

Baby Ali

Even more chest ... but something tells me the treasure not up top

Even more chest … but something tells me the treasure not up top

Yeah you should hang your head in shame. We need to work on the tummy some more

Yeah you should hang your head in shame. We need to work on the tummy some more

Tomic showing his paper thin chest

Tomic showing his paper thin chest

Fiery Ferrer is always good for shirtless pics

Fiery Ferrer is always good for shirtless pics

The ladies trying to get into the action

The ladies trying to get into the action

Hanging low

Hanging low

Hmm ... Hmm .. I don't know what to say. I swear I didn't photoshop this picture. This is Tara Moore of Great Britain. All I can said gurl is that you have way more than others

Hmm … Hmm .. I don’t know what to say. I swear I didn’t photoshop this picture. This is Tara Moore of Great Britain. All I can said gurl is that you have way more than others

Why you here??

Why you here??

fe2d0a9e6861cdba1a307d252f3384ee9253de0c0f51b37c8f8aae7b3b3f6fcc

Shark Boy

Shark Boy

If you look closely you can see the marks on his face left by a savage attack from the ugly stick

If you look closely you can see the marks on his face left by a savage attack from the ugly stick

Moaning Mona, I thought we talk about you more Pro Activ about that face. Gurl is like you got beaten with a meat tenderizer

Moaning Mona, I thought we talk about you more Pro Activ about that face. Gurl is like you got beaten with a meat tenderizer

Honey gurl! A pink ball? I mean you didn't have to be this obvious trying to hit on the man

Honey gurl! A pink ball? I mean you didn’t have to be this obvious trying to hit on the man

asdasda

Camilla throwing shade to basic bitches!

I'm having a great time here drinking ... I feel so comfortable with you. I'm gonna let you in on a lil secret

I’m having a great time here drinking … I feel so comfortable with you. I’m gonna let you in on a lil secret

What gurl? Dish it

What gurl? Dish it

I totally just farted and it is one of those silent deadly ones. WTF bitch? You foul gurl!

I totally just farted and it is one of those silent deadly ones. WTF bitch? You foul gurl!

Huh? You heard me ... I said  it is my upper back that's hurting not my ass

Huh? You heard me … I said it is my upper back that’s hurting not my ass

I'm gonna stick my finger up your ass. Let me know when I've gone too far. TOO FAR! WAY TOO FAR

I’m gonna stick my finger up your ass. Let me know when I’ve gone too far. TOO FAR! WAY TOO FAR

Wimbledon 2014: Day 1

In Agnes Radwanska, Andy Murray, Bernard Tomic, Caroline Wozniacki, Daniel Evans, David Ferrer, David Goffin, Dominika Cibulkova, Donald Young, Dustin Brown, Ekaterina Makarova, Fernando Verdasco, Flavia Pennetta, Gilles Simon, Grigor Dimitrov, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Li Na, Marcos Baghdatis, Maria Kirilenko, Mikhail Youzhny, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Radek Stepanek, Robin Haase, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Sara Errani, Slaone Stephens, Tomas Berdych, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on June 24, 2014 at 12:27 am
What do you mean we can't get in? WTF??

What do you mean we can’t get in? WTF??

Well Wimbledon 2014 started without any major news aka gossip to spread beforehand. Everything seemed to be perfect other than the fact that there were more tickets for Day 1 than there were places available. People had to be turned away from the grounds. Or so they said. Anyway, let us get right to the results because I am pressed for time. PLEASE DO NOT FORGET TO CHECK OUT http://www.ubitennis.com/english/?refresh_ce AND http://www.ubitennis.com/english/author/hackshaw/  for a more realistic coverage. However, never forget to stay tuned to RealzTenisFanz for your coverage. We’re on TWITTER and FACEBOOK too. PLEASE COMMENT BELOW and provide feedback.

So the men’s

Lochness Monster is looking to continue his winning ways at Wimbledon

Lochness Monster is looking to continue his winning ways at Wimbledon

Lochness Monster (3) who was first up on Centre Court, won his opening round match against the lil Goblin David Goffin 6-1 6-4 7-5. The Goblin can be a lil tricky but Nessie handled him efficiently. Clearly Nessie is under a lot of pressure to do well in his home tournament since he hired a Frenchwoman, Amelie Mauresmo to help him deal with his lack of major major success. You do realize that Nessie has been the last 3 “Wimbledon” finals (2 majors and 1 Olympic) So homegurl is really looking to extend this trend. Anyway, Djoker Harlequeen (1) was feeling himself as he totally dismantled Andrey Golubev 6-0 6-1 6-4. Golubev nearly went down 6-0 6-0 but spurred on by the crowds was able to win himself 5 games to make it a respectable scoreline.

Djoker isn't trying to muck around. He has not won a major since 2013 Aussie Open and lost 4 of the last 4 major finals. NO BUENO

Djoker isn’t trying to muck around. He has not won a major since 2013 Aussie Open and lost 4 of the last 4 major finals. NO BUENO. He is coming for this Wimbledon crown

Berdshite (6) overcame a slow start against Victor Hanescu to move through to the 2nd round 6-7 6-1 6-3 6-2. Of the 153 total points Berdshite won in the match, 75 of them were winners. That’s staggering as that is nearly 50% of his points. Excellent job. Will be interesting to see if the bird brain can keep this up. Anyway, Fake Fire Ferrer (7) also won in 4 sets over fellow Spaniard Pable Carreno-Busta 6-0 6-7 6-1 6-1. Sharapova’s clutch Dimitrov (11) won in straight sets over American Ryan Harrison 7-6 6-3 6-2. A pair of Russians, Mikhail Youzhny (17) and Andrey Kuznetsov, former Wimbledon Junior champion, took out a pair of young British hopefuls, Jamie Ward and Daniel Evans respectively. Youzhny won in straights 6-2 6-2 6-1 and Kuznetsov in 4 sets 6-1 7-5 3-6 7-6.

Are you calling me a douche? No I am calling you Goonie Gulbis

Are you calling me a douche? No I am calling you Goonie Gulbis

Other seeded players who won include Ernest Goonie Gulbis (12) in 3 tough sets over Jurgen Zopp, Fabio “Mr. Pignini” Fognini (16) over American Alex Kuznetsov in 5 sets, Kevin Anderson (20), BWLLAGWLLAB Dolgopolov (21) and Chin Cilic (26). Baby Ali Tsonga (14) has to complete his match against Jurgen Meltdown. They are locked in the 5th set. Tsonga looked to have this match on lockdown as he won the 1st set 6-1 and had early break points in the 2nd set. However, he lost his way and soon found himself down 1-2 sets. He found his way and took the 4th set and now they are in a 5th set. Tsonga up 5-4 and will serve for the match when play resumes.

I need to come back tomorrow?? WTF??

I need to come back tomorrow?? WTF??

Other notable winners were Roberto Bautista-Agut who won last week’s grass court warmup in Holland, Benjamin Becker who took out American hopeful Donald Young in straight sets 6-4 6-3 6-4, Shark Boy Stepanek who will take on Djoker in the 2nd round, Marcos Fatdatis who dismissed Dustin Brown aka Dreddy Tennis aka the man who beat Divadal at Halle two weeks ago. Hottie Dominic Thiem aka Steam Thiem fizzled out as he was knocked by another youngster, Austrialian qualifier Luke Saville in 4 sets. Fellow Aussie Bernard Tampomic is also through to the 2nd round. The man who beat Mr. Federer last year in the 2nd round, Ukrainian Sergei Stakhovsky won in straight sets over Carlos Berloq 6-3 6-3 6-3. Not to worry Mr. Federer’s fanz, Stakhovsky is on the other side of the draw far far far away from Mr. Federer. They can only meet in the final and we all know that is very unlikely to happen. Frenchmen Gilles Simon and Jeremy Chardy are also through to the 2nd round.

Tabasco Verdasco played like ketchup today

Tabasco Verdasco played like ketchup today

By way of upsets, we have Tabasco Verdasco (18) going out to the likes of Marinko Matosevic 4-6 6-4 4-6 2-6. Matosevic is the douche who had this to say about Lochness Monster hiring Mauresmo as his coach “It’s all equal rights these days. Got to be politically correct. So, yeah, someone has to give it a go. I couldn’t do it, though, since I don’t think that highly of the women’s game.” I really expected Verdasco to shut this fool up with a straight sets beatdown but I guess way too much gel in his hair addled his brains or something. Andreas Seppi (25) also went out in 5 sets to Leonardo Mayer 3-6 6-2 6-4 6-7 4-6. Vasek Pospisil (31) was sent packing by Robin Haase in 4 sets. Well these are not real upsets… I guess I should really say, seeded players got “dispersed” and no one really cares.

I wasn't ready!!!

I wasn’t ready!!!

The Ladies,

Kvitova giving me Grand High Witch face

Kvitova giving me Grand High Witch face

Things were far more routine on the ladies’s side. LiNaLi (2) of course complicated her life against a qualifier but she pulled through in the end in straight sets 7-5 6-2 over Paula Kania. GHW Kvitova (6) also came through in straight sets over Andrea Hlavakova 6-3 6-0. Other straight sets winners included Vickie (8) 6-3 7-5 over Marijana Lucic-Baroni, Dominika Cibuttkova (10), Flavia Penne Pasta Pennetta (12), Lady Gollum Safarova (23) over Julia Georges 7-6 7-6, Elena Vesnina (32), Moaning Mona Barthel and Bjona Jovanovski. I have to say again that I am happy at Vickie is back. However, that serve of hers will be the death of her. She was a mess out there today against Lucic-Baroni. She is lucky that girl…well woman since Lucic-Baroni is 32 was not someone of a higher ranking because they would have been all over those measly serves.

Vickie is back in her pum pum shorts

Vickie is back in her pum pum shorts

Granny Vee who just turned 34 last week won her match in 3 sets and before people get on her case saying that she was being messy, I have to say that she was actually playing some decent tennis. Her stats were on point: she got 65% of her 1st serves in, winning 89% of the points (41/46) and 64% on the 2nd serve. She was up at net 20 times and won the point 18 of those times. She was 3/3 on break points with 41 winners including 11 aces and 16 errors. I mean those are some healthy numbers. Usually those are some ridiculous numbers like 1/8 on break points etc etc. Hopefully she keeps this up. And speaking of grandmothers, Granny Goodness Date Krumm was coasting against Ekaterina Makarova (22) but then got lost. She was up 5-0 in the 1st set but could not close it out initially. She won the set 6-3. She dropped the 2nd 4-6 and was up 2-0 in the 3rd but unable to maintain the lead. Makarove took the match 3-6 6-4 7-5 and sent Granny Goodness home.

This ugly Spanish itch was trying to come for me!!

This ugly Spanish itch was trying to come for me!!

I mean seriously Granny Goodness is looking sexy out here... but that knee needs to be replaced

I mean seriously Granny Goodness is looking sexy out here… but that knee needs to be replaced

By way of upsets, we have Sam D’Stove Stosur (17) and Slowe Stephens (18). They were both ousted today to provide the tournament’s first upsets. D’Stove has yet to figure out the courts of Wimbledon despite nearly all pundits saying that her game is suited for the grass. She was knocked out in straight sets but Yanina Wickmayer 6-3 6-4. Slowe Stephens who has made decent runs in the draw at the last 6 majors was dismissed by Maria Kirilenko 6-2 7-6. This should not be of no real surprise since Stephens plays pretty poorly on tour. She was expecting her luck to carry her through to the latter stages but it was not to be the case this yr. Another upset came in the form of Coco Vandeweghe who recently won the grass court warm up tournament in Holland. She took out Garbine Muguruza (27) Serena Slayer at the French Open. Muguruza was dismissed from Wimbledon 3-6 6-3 5-7. And speaking of upsets… well more so upset stomach, Vania King aka Sailor Moon aka Saw Clown. This gurl was up 5-0 in the 1st set only to lose then next….wait for it… the next 12 games to be down 5-7 0-5. She by the grace of God no less took the next three games but unable to deny her opponent Yvonne Meusburger the win 7-5 6-3.

You best take off those sunglasses and try to find yourself a backhand gurl

You best take off those sunglasses and try to find yourself a backhand gurl

WTF is happening? This is a major. I don't lose 1st round...

WTF is happening? This is a major. I don’t lose in the 1st round…

Well that is it for the notable winners on Day 1. Do note that four women’s matches scheduled for today were not completed: Bratzwanska (4), Danish Biscuit (16), Alien v Predator Errani (14) and Kuzi-Rex (28) all have to finish up tomorrow. Tomorrow will also see Divadal, Serenanator, Mr. Federer, the conclusion of Baby Ali’s match, Radwanska matches etc etc.. Hope you enjoyed this posting…

BIG PICTURE SHOW

Definitely some of the Hottest pictures we have had on RealzTenisFanz ever..

Definitely some of the Hottest pictures we have had on RealzTenisFanz ever..

Even Berdshite is surprised he looks so good

Even Berdshite is surprised he looks so good

Wait Realz you were talking about my hair... No I was talking about the weave not your hair..

Wait Realz you were talking about my hair…
No I was talking about the weave not your hair..

Venus giving us Ebony Starr Goddess here!

Venus giving us Ebony Starr Goddess here!

Look at this Ginger cookie.. I want to eat every crumb

Look at this Ginger cookie.. I want to eat every crumb

And his name is Cox I swear!!

And his name is Cox I swear!!

His name is Pospisil but I like to call him Popsicle.. and we know why..

His name is Pospisil but I like to call him Popsicle.. and we know why..

Firey Ferrer at his best

Firey Ferrer at his best

In a certain light and made pliable with some liquor.. Jurgen Meltdown could definitely get it

In a certain light and made pliable with some liquor.. Jurgen Meltdown could definitely get it

Andreas Seppi... would love a sip of this fine Italian win

Andreas Seppi… would love a sip of this fine Italian win

Pablo Carrena-Busta... I mean the nose aside... he could definitely get it

Pablo Carrena-Busta… I mean the nose aside… he could definitely get it

Robin Haase is a YES

Robin Haase is a YES

Russian Evgeny Donskoy I mean come on... how can we not say DA to this

Russian Evgeny Donskoy I mean come on… how can we not say DA to this

He's a lil frustrated man but definitely a hottie

He’s a lil frustrated man but definitely a hottie

I don't know what that finger is for but it is certainly not for number 1 ranked tennis player. Anyway, as always Vickie is a HOTTIE and a lil tongue action, what more can a boy who is into girls want

I don’t know what that finger is for but it is certainly not for number 1 ranked tennis player. Anyway, as always Vickie is a HOTTIE and a lil tongue action, what more can a boy who is into girls want

Kirilenko is serving up fish!! AMAZING

Kirilenko is serving up fish!! AMAZING

Look at Granny Goodness.. she looks really amazing

Look at Granny Goodness.. she looks really amazing

Moaning Mona, what is your excuse

Moaning Mona, what is your excuse

She looks like a carrot that has been eaten by a horse..

She looks like a carrot that has been eaten by a horse..

I must end on Mr. Federer of course

I must end on Mr. Federer of course

Meanwhile Shaq is as lost as ever..

Meanwhile Shaq is as lost as ever..

 

Australian Open 2014: Day 5

In Ana Ivanovic, Andy Murray, Angelique Kerber, Australian Open, David Ferrer, Donald Young, Dustin Brown, Feliciano Lopez, Fernando Verdasco, Flavia Pennetta, Gael Monfils, Jerzy Janowicz, Jie Zheng, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kei Nishikori, Li Na, Novak Djokovic, Richard Gasquet, Tomas Berdych on January 17, 2014 at 7:03 pm
It hot as Hades down under

It is hot as Hades down under

So it is still hot as hell in Melbourne but play still continues. It seems that Melbourne is experiencing the extremes of weather conditions; wicked sun during the day and rains/lightening/thunder at nights. Hopefully cooler weather prevails because the schedule is kinda backed up (particularly for the doubles events) and also these conditions are TERRIBLE.

Are they using Berdshite's H&M shirts to clean up... I rightly agree with this one

Are they using Berdshite’s H&M shirts to clean up… I rightly agree with this one

Anyway before we go any further, we should clear up some matches from Day 4 which were not necessarily covered…well they were not completed at the time of the publication of Day 4.

I wonder if Realz is going to give me some respect this year

I wonder if Realz is going to give me some respect this year

33rd seed Bojana Jovanovski is simply a mess. I am never backing this girl again. She is not ready for the big league. She could have barely held herself together after winning the 1st set (which was messy) against Yvonne Meusburger from Austria. The Serb went down in 3 sets 6-3 3-6 2-6. If there are fans waiting for this potential star to shine, they should cast their telescopes elsewhere. This “star” has faded. Meanwhile, on the men’s side, Andy Murray is through to the 3rd round. No real surprise there. However, what was surprising was the fact that his opponent Vincent Millot of France got to a 5-1 lead in the 3rd set. This was an incredible achievement on his part considering he is only like 5’8” To say that Millot fizzled at this point is an understatement. Millot just rolled over and let Lochness Monster @$$ raped him on court. Lochness Murray won 23 consecutive points. Now who does this? Really Millot, you could not even make it interesting on your own serve? WTF? I can’t. Lochness won 6 consecutive games to take the set and the match 6-2 6-2 7-5. Millot on the other hand should go eat shite and die. This is just utterly unacceptable. Had this been on the WTA, the papers would have been all over this madness but of course it is the ATP, so furor over this as far as I am aware. AND I am sure it is part of the highlights reels.

I don't know what had happened...I lost in the 2nd round. No me gusta

I don’t know what had happened…I lost in the 2nd round. No me gusta

Anyway, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Del Potro (5) and Verdasco (31) decided that it was more important to lose than win their 2nd round matches in 5 sets. I mean Delpo, you lost to some journeyman Spaniard, Roberto Bautista Agut. Who is he?? You went out 6-4 3-6 7-5 4-6 5-7 to him? This is not the Spaniard who was supposed to give you issues. I can’t with nonsense from these top players. I am no longer factoring Delpo to win another major. Beast Boy has turned into some mere shadow of himself. He dare not say it is the wrist injury. It is high time he makes some serious decision about his game and put in the work to get back into major contention. Losing in 2nd rounds of majors is not going to help at all. Verdasco..well not like he has been doing much as of late but he has had success here Down Under…he  lost to Gabashvilli who I thought had retired from tennis. Anyway, let us get to Day 5 results because Day 4 is making me mad.

I am winning this here match today!!

I am winning this here match today!!

I almost forgot, there was also the late matchup of the 28th seed Benoit Paire (my paramour) and Nick Kyrgios of Australia by way of Greece. Anyway, Kyrgios won the first 2 sets 7-6 7-6 and homeboy started to feel himself. As old people would say where I am from originally, “He started to smell his own balls” and thus felt he was the man. And of course the crowd was giving him all that energy. But I guess they forgot that Paire could play tennis and I am sure better tennis than Kyrgios who got a WC to enter the tournament. Boo Boo Benoit got his life together and beat that cocky stance from Kyrgios as he took the match in 5 sets 6-7 6-7 6-4 6-2 6-2.

My paramour Benoit

My paramour Benoit showing these young upstarts who is the boss…at least in the 2nd round

So the Serenanator (1), Carebear Kerber (9) and Penne Pasta Pennetta (28) all made quick work of their opponents. The sun was brutal though less so than the day before. However, no one is trying to be outside for more than they need to at this point. ReRe subsequently defaulted from her 1R doubles match. Well the official reason is because Venus had some kinda thigh issue but we all know the real reason is the sun and ReRe needs to focus her singles tournament. I should mention that Serena Williams now has the all time record for singles victory at the Aussie Open getting to 61 moving past the great Margaret Court who in her era basically owned this tournament. By the way Margaret Court is on my shite list for her very public views on gays and gay marriage. This is a very nice accomplishment for the American. ReRe 6-3 6-3 over Daniela Hepburnova; Carebear Kerber 6-3 6-4 v Alison Riske of the US and Penne Pasta Pennetta 6-1 7-5 against Moaning Mona Barthel.

The Serenanator is trying to deal with this heat and through to the next round

The Serenanator is trying to deal with this heat and through to the next round

Ekaterina Makarova (22) who took out Venus Williams in the opening round is showing herself to be in good form at this year’s open when she took out Monica Niculescu in straight sets 6-4 6-4. Meanwhile, Canadian Eugenie Bouchard (30) is showing great potential as serious contender as she confidently took out American Lauren Davis 6-2 6-2. And speaking of potential future stars, Aussie Casey Dellacqua beat Jie Zheng in straight sets 6-2 6-4. Zheng was definitely feeling the heat today. Dellacqua moves through to the Round of 16.

Lady Gollum was on it at the beginning of the match

Lady Gollum was on it at the beginning of the match

There were two big key match ups yesterday LiNaLi v Lady Gollum Safarova and Ivanovic the Terrible v D’Stove Stosur. First up was LiNaLi v Lady Gollum Safarova. Li started poorly or perhaps it was just that Safarova started very well but the 4th seed found herself down a set and struggling to hold serve in the 2nd. So it was no surprise that Lucie was serving for the match 5-3 in the 2nd. However, Safarova blinked and that was all LiNaLi needed to get her life together. She even saved match point as Safarova became a little too cocky on her groundstrokes, going for broke on every shot. LiNaLi got the 2nd set to a tiebreaker and dominated to take it to a 3rd set. Safarova started well enough 2-0 but only won 1 more games of the next 7 played. LiNaLi lived to fight another day 1-6 7-6 6-3. Lucie will feel this loss as it is her 7th consecutive loss to the Chinese player. Lady Gollum you had your chances for this precious win but you dropped it and lost it. I am sure it did not help matters that her ex Tomas Berdshite was the next match up on court and his model girl was in the stands.

LiNaLi survives another day

LiNaLi survives another day

Tomasz only likes winners like me..

Tomasz only likes winners like me..

In the other big match up Stosur v Ana, this one I figured was going to be really interesting because the winner faces the Serenanator but more importantly, these two former 1 time major winner, are both struggling for some resurgence in their careers. They are both languishing in the lower half of the top 20. They have yet to reclaim that form that guided them to 2 major finals and 1 major win. So I figured that this would be a real contest and for the most part it was. Rain did not help matters but as per the norm, Stosur disappointed. She took the 1st set but in the 2nd set, allowed her “backwardhand” to be overplayed. Her kick serve is not so effective against a player of Ana’s height and comparing forehand to forehand (the main arsenal in both of these players’ games) Ana’s is the better. However, we all know the major issue with Ana is whether Ivanovic the Terrible will show up on court and spoil matters especially since the crowd will be fiercely for Sam.

Big match up... battle of the forehands

Big match up… battle of the forehands

Sam served for the 1st set 5-4 but was broken which led matters to the tiebreaker where Sam took it. Rain came and halted play. When things got under way in the 2nd set, Ana looked to be the more aggressive and took the set 6-4. In the 3rd set, Ana found her range and exploited that backwardhand of Sam to the fullest and took the set and the match 6-7 6-4 6-2.

So the Round of 16 in the top women’s half has been set..
ReRe (1) v Ivanovic the Terrible (14)
LiNaLi (4) v Makarova (22)
Carebear Kerber (9) v Penne Pasta Pennetta (28)
Bouchard (30) v Dellacqua

It is HOTTT

It is HOTTT

On the men’s side of the draw, things were mostly routine.  David Fiery Ferrer (3) took on Jeremy Chardy (29). Things started relatively simply for the Spaniard as he took the 1st set 6-2 but then Chardy broke in the 2nd set and serve for the set. However, the Frenchmen did a spectacular job of choking to give Ferrer back the upper hand in the match. Ferrer did not relinquish his hold and took the match 6-2 7-6 6-2.

Berdshite also won in straight sets knocking out a qualifier. He is playing nicely enough and might be a contender here but we all know what happens when you put pressure on this Czech… he falls apart like a dainty flower. Other straight set winners were Florian Mayer who easily dispatched of the 20th seed Jerzy Janowicz. I did not realize that Jerzy was dealing with a broken foot… well recently healed broken foot and was advised to not play the tournament. He was unprepared something he freely admitted. He went against it and look at the result. Mayer won 7-5 6-2 6-2. In the end Mayer was merely conserving energy because Jerzy was no contender. I wonder what sparked this mad decision because athletes have to know that their bodies are not indestructible no matter how invincible they feel. What Jerzy did was totally reckless in my opinion and his team should be admonished for this. With his limited mobility and the desert heat, I hope he does not do some irreparable damage to his physical body. It is obvious that there is brain damage by this foolish act. Was this decision driven by money?? Who knows…

Yeah I feel the choke coming up from my stomach

Yeah I feel the choke coming up from my stomach

And speaking of madness, Frenchman Eduardo Roger-Vasselin let go of a 2-0 sets lead over 19th seed Kevin Anderson. Roger-Vasselin was up 6-3 6-4 against the hard serving South African but it seems after that, Vasselin was more like vagisil because his game needed a midol. He just capitulated and the South African had his way with the match taking it 3-6 4-6 6-3 7-6 7-5. There are so many talented Frenchmen all of whom just dim in the spotlight. They are usually good and at times brilliant but they are all about showboating. They have no discipline. They are not ready for the big times. Granted that this current era of tennis has seen not one or two great players but THREE as well as a 2nd fiddler who is good enough to be 1st chair violin ever so often. It is hard for those on the outside to break into the top. Of course Roger Vasselin was not the only Frenchman to choke to death out there; Richard Gasquet (9) had to get in on the action. He was up on Robredo (17) in the 1st set 6-2 and you thought that Gasquet was really going to take this match but you know these Frenchies, they are never comfortable with a lead. At times, it seems as though they are allergic to being on top. They only want to be behind and that was where Gasquet found himself as he continually allowed Robredo to dig into the match and get more comfortable. Thus an upset took place and the 17th seed moves to the 2nd week of a major 2-6 7-5 6-4 7-6 over Gasquet.

I am trying to stop the choke from coming out

I am trying to stop the choke from coming out

YESSS I didn't get bageled!!

YESSS I didn’t get bageled!!

Anyway, other winners include Djoker Harlequeen who was quite efficient in his dismissal of Denis Istomin who I think has a bright future ahead of him just so long as he keeps working hard. Nonetheless, his time was not last night as Djoker took him out 6-3 6-3 7-5. A sorta surprising result for me was Fabio Fognini (15) (resident hottie here at RealzTenisFanz) straight sets win over Sam Querry 7-5 6-4 6-4. Yes Fognini is ranked higher but I expected Sam to give a better fight; to be far more competitive. This was a golden opportunity. However, Sam Querry’s performance capsulate in a way what is wrong with American men’s tennis…. Actually American tennis in general; there is just no imagination, no guts and no multi-dimensionality (if I might use that word) to their games. Everyone can spot the strategy from the jump and they know exactly what they are getting from their effort. No surprises in the least. At the US Open there is a little flair in the 1st week but rarely do they make it to or past the Round of 16. This was a winnable match for Querry, yet he went out meekly. Maybe I am being too harsh but anyway, who would have thought that Donald Young would be last American man standing? He takes on Nishikori (16) tomorrow so that should be an interesting matchup and Young legitimately has a chance here but I have no real expectations that he will get the job done.

Fabulous Fognini

Fabulous Fognini

So the Round of 16 matchups for the bottom half are:
Berdshite (7) v Anderson (19)
Mayer v Fiery Ferrer (3)
Wawrinka (8) v Robredo (17) Wawrinka got a bye into the 4R when Vasek Pospisil pulled out.
Djoker Harlequeen (2) v Fognini (15)

Again I have to stress how Easy Bake Oven Harlequeen’s draw is. I mean seriously what is Fognini going to do? Even more pertinent question is whether Fognini will even show up for the match. He has been known to default and just collect the cheque.

Anyway, the rest of these matchups should be delightful enough for even the pedestrian fans.

Yeah it was no competition gurl....

Yeah it was no competition gurl….

Yeah you better put that face on ice gurl because Tomaz don't want you anymore!!

Yeah you better put that face on ice gurl because Tomaz don’t want you anymore!!

A piece of ice just fell between my girls

A piece of ice just fell between my girls

I think I got it

I think I got it

OMG OMFG FeFe Lopez I want this for my birthday, breakfast, lunch and dinner!!!

OMG OMFG FeFe Lopez I want this for my birthday, breakfast, lunch and dinner!!!

Double scoop of chocolate!! I have to say that Beetlejuice don't look so bad next to Dreddy Tennis

Double scoop of chocolate!! I have to say that Beetlejuice don’t look so bad next to Dreddy Tennis

Australian Open 2014: Day 3

In Ana Ivanovic, Andrea Petkovic, Australian Open, Ekaterina Makarova, Feliciano Lopez, Flavia Pennetta, Jerzy Janowicz, Jie Zheng, Li Na, Lleyton Hewitt, Mikhail Youzhny, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Sabine Lisicki, Sam Stosur, Serena Williams, Tomas Berdych on January 15, 2014 at 11:34 pm
CLT+ALT+DEL

CLT+ALT+DEL

Hey Fanz I am so sorry that this posting is coming to you at about the time that Day 4 is set to begin at the Australian Open. Well technically, Day 4 has already begun. I was having extreme technical difficulties. I just found out that the hard drive on my laptop is damaged and that I will loose everything that is on it. This is a bummer and a half. I do not know much about computers. Needless to say that I am hot like the weather in Australia. The only good thing is that the computer is still under warranty. My desktop was not working so well but that was a simple easier fix. So I can post this and the others hopefully.

I think someone is literally being barbequed right now

I think someone is literally being barbequed right now

To the tennis: MY GOD IT IS HOT DOWN UNDER. Everyone is complaining about the heat. I mean we all know that it is hot in Australia at this time but now it is RIDONCULOUS. #Globalwarmingmuch The on court temperatures are hotter than outside temperatures and players are burning up…and not in the good way. It is mainly survival tennis at this time…ie if they can survive the heat to play tennis..

Shade... I must get to the shade...

Shade… I must get to the shade…

But let’s get to the results.

It was a semi-tough day out there for the Chinese but she is through to the 3rd round

It was a semi-tough day out there for the Chinese but she is through to the 3rd round

LiNaLi won her matchup in sorta convincing fashion. LiNaLi won the 1st set in bagel fashion but struggled in the 2nd as Belinda Bencic started to play for real now. However, get valiant effort didn’t pay off as she lost in the tiebreaker. The Swiss is one of the younglings to keep an eye on for the future. The Serenanator was far more routine in her victory 6-1 6-2. Sam D’Stove Stosur is finding her game in Australia again these days as she took out the ever dangerous Pironkova in straight sets 6-2 6-0. Pironkova however had a broken crotch and was clearly hampered by this. Nonetheless, D’Stove will take the win. I believe she’ll face Ana the Terrible for a place in the Round of 16 where the winner will face the Serenanator if current form holds true.

I am ready for these itches...BRING IT ON

I am ready for these itches…BRING IT ON

Several seeded players lost their way to the 3rd round. Lisicki (15) didn’t get the rest of the game plan for the 2nd and 3rd sets from Hingis as after winning the 1st set 6-2 over Niculescu, she basically didn’t even know her way to Sesame Street. Lisicki had a blonde moment that lasted the rest of the match. Meanwhile, Niculescu seized the moment to hold serve and fried up a two piece combo meal for Lisicki. Niculescu 2-6 6-2 6-2
Casey Dellacqua gave Australia much to smile about as she trashed 18th seed Kristen Flipkens 6-3 6-0.

Lisicki in the 1st set!

Lisicki in the 1st set!

Losicki after the 2nd and 3rd sets

Losicki after the 2nd and 3rd sets

Most of the other seeded players came through for the 3rd round including Carebear Kerber (9),Ana the Terrible (14) Makarova (22), Safarova (26) aka Lady Gollum, Flavia Penne Pasta (28),Eugenie Bouchard (30) and Daniela Hepburnova (31) who won 12-10 in the 3rd set.

Eugenie Bouchard of Canada... honey you bought that outfit from a moose in Saskatchewan?

Eugenie Bouchard of Canada… honey you bought that outfit from a moose in Saskatchewan?

One would think that with all these gay fans, she would not be committing these fashion atrocities... But I guess that's how they roll in Canada

One would think that with all these gay fans, she would not be committing these fashion atrocities… But I guess that’s how they roll in Canada

Other notable winners included Americans Laura Davis who dismissed Julia Goerges in 3 sets, Alison Riske who handed out unlimited breadsticks to Yanina Wickmayer 6-1 6-1, Moaning Mona Barthel who is benefitting from the ousting of Petra Kvitova. Jie Zheng former semifinalist here in 2010 also won with a 3 set victory over American Madison Keys.

Djoker is all business with his easy bake oven draw

Djoker is all business with his easy bake oven draw

I'm sorry but Boris Becker looks like an overexuberant butch lesbian soccer mom

I’m sorry but Boris Becker looks like an overexuberant butch lesbian soccer mom

On the men’s side Djoker Harlequeen isn’t wasting time on court as he dismissed his opponent on convincing fashion 6-0 6-4 6-4. Berdshite also won in straight sets. Fiery Ferrer needed 4 sets to get through the 3rd round. He’s randomly dropping sets these days so look for and early round lost from the Spaniard. I don’t see him getting to the latter stages of this major. Sam Querry aka the Grinch took out the 23rd seed Ernst Gulbis in straight sets. I hope no one was betting on Gulbis because he’s never sure money unless you’re betting on his opponent. Gulbis ever remains that enigma. I was actually surprised that he was seeded here and so high. Nonetheless, very good of Sam to try to salvage American mens tennis. They need all the big wins they can get.

The Grinch is trying to steal his way into the latter stages of a major

The Grinch is trying to steal his way into the latter stages of a major

There were two other seeded players who got dispersed but wasn’t really make losses. Youzhny (14) lost to Florian Mayer in 5 sets. I expected more from the Russian but I forgot he’s Russian and meltdown is inevitable. His compatriot 30th seed Dmitry Tursunov fell to Denis Istomin in 4 sets. Istomin is a dangerous floater so watch him. Ivan Dodig (32) had to retire in the 4th set.

I hope you aall didn't forget about me

I hope you aall didn’t forget about me

Things are so bad with Davydenko these days, he got himself a tan.

Things are so bad with Davydenko these days, he got himself a tan.

Despite this, most of the other seeded players played their parts to the hilt and were able to move through to play another day. Gasquet (9) came through in straight sets over Nikolay Davydenko. I expected at least 4 sets from this match but Gasquet is playing smart tennis these days at majors. Good of him. High time now he produces the top level tennis we all hoped he would give. Pity he came win a major unless a plague hits the draw. However he’s not the only one praying for the locusts to fly, Fabio Fognini (15), Tommy Robredo (17), Kevin Anderson (19), Jerzy Janowicz (20), Jeremy Chardy (29) all hope that God would send the floods again to wash the top 6 away because the Red Sea will part again before they win a major whilst the top 6 are alive and well in the draw. They can barely win regular tour tournaments much more hoist a major trophy. When was the last time one of the top 6 didn’t win the master level trophy? Probably like 2011 and that was just one person I think.

Florian Mayer working himself through to the 3rd round

Florian Mayer working himself through to the 3rd round

Anyway in regards to that much anticipated showdown between Matthew Ebden and Vasek Pospisil (28) Pospisil won of course in 4 sets giving the Aussie a breadstick to wave to the crowd in the 4th set 3-6 7-6 7-6 6-1 what a waste!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this posting despite it’s late arrival….

She might not be pretty in pink but she sure is powerful! You know a woman is doing it and doing it right when she got her man carrying the purse! ReRe that lil pouchette is killing me

She might not be pretty in pink but she sure is powerful! You know a woman is doing it and doing it right when she got her man carrying the purse! ReRe that lil pouchette is killing me

I thought Stella was improving... simple, clean, effective and cute

I thought Stella was improving… simple, clean, effective and cute

Then I saw this mess...

Then I saw this mess…

Stella needs to STOP!!! Can't the fashion court step in and issue an injuction against Stella and all her designing ideas??

Stella needs to STOP!!! Why can’t I get a real endorsement deal and be spared from this garbage??

Berdshite is a soccer player now?? I mean seriously H&M can't you do better than this

Berdshite is a soccer player now?? I mean seriously H&M can’t you do better than this

Kuzi, I don't know what got into you and the stars but I need for you to night night to this hideous dress... NO BUENO

Kuzi, I don’t know what got into you and the stars but I need for you to night night to this hideous dress… NO BUENO

Checkmate!! Move this piece off the board IMMEDIATELY

Checkmate!! Move this piece off the board IMMEDIATELY

Keep staring at the wall... You are on punishment for that skirt!!

Keep staring at the wall… You are on punishment for that skirt!!

Hot head!!

Hot head!!

My ears are melting!

My ears are melting!

Sleepytime

Sleepytime

What had happened? What you mean it is not nap time??

What had happened? What you mean it is not nap time??

WTF?? His teeth matches his shirt! I know times are changing and tennis all about colours but we can at least keep our teeth white to pay hommage... that's just FOUL..

WTF?? His teeth matches his shirt! I know times are changing and tennis all about colours but we can at least keep our teeth white to pay hommage… that’s just FOUL..

2014+Australian+Open+Day+3+senb7HNDFi8l

Monica…this face is not okay!! You are scaring the children!!

The best thing about Andy Murray is Daniel Vallverdu

The best thing about Andy Murray is Daniel Vallverdu

My Revlon EverLast lipstick is really working!!

I think so too… he is delish!!

Djoker is showing his "treasure chest"

Djoker is showing his “treasure chest”

I am not impressed

I am not impressed

Berdshite showing off the clean smooth look

Berdshite showing off the clean smooth look

Hmmm I might want a taste of some of that but...

Hmmm I might want a taste of some of that but…

I think I am sexy and I hope you think so too

I think I am sexy and I hope you think so too

It's okay but still

It’s okay but still

A Brazilian and a Spaniard combo

A Brazilian and a Spaniard combo

YES now this is what I am talking about... I am definitely get behind this kinda meal combo

YES now this is what I am talking about… I am definitely get behind this kinda meal combo

Huh?? What are you doing? I told you my wrist is hurting?

Huh?? What are you doing? I told you, it is my wrist that’s hurting

YEAHHHHHHHH TAKE IT LIKE A MAN... TAKE IT

YEAHHHHHHHH TAKE IT LIKE A MAN… TAKE IT I see gaynesia about to happen in 5, 4, 3, 2…

I'm trying...

I’m trying…

Hey Realz, I am talking to you... Stop saying shit about my man Lleyton. Yes I did done stole him from Kim but that's none of your business. She was flexible is true but my mouth made up for it in bed and Lleyton chose me. I will not tolerate any more smack about him. I will hunt you down like a dog if you say one more thing about him. You have been warned!

Hey Realz, I am talking to you… Stop saying shit about my man Lleyton. Yes I did done stole him from Kim but that’s none of your business. She was flexible is true but my mouth made up for it in bed and Lleyton chose me. I will not tolerate any more smack about him. I will hunt you down like a dog if you say one more thing about him. You have been warned!

US Open 2013: Day 10

In Daniela Hantuchova, David Ferrer, Flavia Pennetta, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roberta Vinci, Tennis, Tommy Robredo, US Open, Victoria Azarenka on September 6, 2013 at 7:36 am
Flavia Pennetta is having a most wonderful US Open

Flavia Pennetta is having a most wonderful US Open

So I am finally at Day 10 which only had 4 singles matches. Much of it were easy contests as Flavia Pennetta took out her countrywoman Roberta Vinci in straight sets 6-4 6-1. This was a rather surprising result as I really expected more from Vinci. She tried out there to be fair but everything she tried just was not working and was unable to come up with something more tactical to deal with the game of Pennetta. Pennetta is currently ranked 83rd in the world but is definitely a seasoned player. She was not about to let an opportunity like this go to waste. This is her 1st major semis but has had good results here. She will face Vickie, which is HUGE obstacle to get by.

I am getting frostbite from this hug

I am getting frostbite from this hug

Yes I didn't get bagelled out here

Yes I didn’t get bagelled out here

The Belarusian had a light workout against Daniela Hantuchova who was as always missing in action. The Slovak was able to break Vickie a couple of times but the problem was that she was having great difficulty holding her own serve. She was dismissed in straight sets 2-6 2-6. Vickie is not looking at her best but she is getting the job done. On the other side of the draw is either the Serenanator or LiNaLi. Both those players I am sure will be able to take out Vickie plus they both have that revenge factor going for them. They both lost to Vickie this year on hardcourt. They most certainly will not be entertaining any notion of Vickie leaving NYC with pep in her step. They want to maim her and have her limp off the court.

I am ready for a fight itches! BRING IT ON!

I am ready for a fight itches! BRING IT ON!

On the men’s side, Divadal was expected just ripped apart Tommy Robredo and his game 6-0 6-2 6-2. I suspect the scoreline could have easily been triple bagel but Divadal thought about how it would look bad in the press and gifted his countryman 4 games. Needless to say, we all knew this would be the result.

Thanks for rolling over and dying

Thanks for rolling over and dying

However, I am happy to say that we are spared a 2nd helping of this fools’ meal when Richard Gasquet took out David Ferrer in 5 sets. I am most happy about this result. Not only because we avoid the whole Divadal/Ferrer mess match but because I actually do like Gasquet. Unfortunately, he has no real shot of beating Divadal but one can always hope and you never know. Anyway, Gasquet played an exceptional match in sets 1, 2 and 5. Where the hell he went to in sets 3 and 4 is still a mystery. That beautiful backhand of his was on pointe like a ballerina. It was hitting all corners of the court and the timing of it was magnificent to behold. It is an impressive stroke. It can do no wrong with it is working for the Frenchman. Thus, he found himself up 6-3 6-1.

Yeah I am about to blow a gasquet out here

Yeah I am about to blow a gasquet out here

However, in the 3rd and 4th sets, he became that unstable Frenchman we have known over the years. This was the same Frenchman who blew several 2 sets to love leads in his career. So many of us were already anticipating the beginning of the end for him. Fiery Ferrer is a fighter against everyone save Divadal. He will not give up until the umpire calls Game, Set and Match. He is on it and boy did he come back roaring. He just gave the Frenchman everything he had to take the 3rd and 4th sets 6-4 6-2.

Fiery Ferrer was unstoppable out there in the 3rd and 4th sets

Fiery Ferrer was unstoppable out there in the 3rd and 4th sets

We all expected him to snatch the 5th set and the match. However, Gasquet proved me wrong and I am most happy for this. He seized his 1st break chance opportunities at 3-2 to go up 4-2. He then held his serve to be ahead comfortably 5-2. Ferrer held his serve at 3-5 and forced the Frenchman to serve for the match and his 1st US Open semis. The pressure was squarely on Gasquet’s shoulder but he did not succumb to the pressure. He served it out to take the set 6-3 and thus the match 6-3 6-1 4-6 2-6 6-3. This should be a wonderful confidence booster for him. Hopefully, he can keep the upset streak going and take out Divadal. But alas, I might be asking for too much here. Last time he beat the Spaniard, Gasquet noted was back when they were teenagers in Under 14 tournament. Here’s is to a Gasquet victory!

I am losing to Gasquet. Why won't he choke? Incroyable!

I am losing to Gasquet. Why won’t he choke? Incroyable!

I just had to beat you! I had to save the world from another Spanish match up with Divadal in the mix... NO BUENO

I just had to beat you! I had to save the world from another Spanish match up with Divadal in the mix… NO BUENO

2
R. Nadal
6
6 6
19
T. Robredo
0 2 2
4
D. Ferrer
3
1 6 6 3
8
R. Gasquet
6 6 4 2 6
And in other news, the Williams Sisters are in still in the Doubles draw

And in other news, the Williams Sisters are in still in the Doubles draw

I bet you Realz gonna say shite about my handbag... He's such a hater

I bet you Realz gonna say shite about my handbag… He’s such a hater

I am not gonna lie.. Divadal got some nice legs

I am not gonna lie.. Divadal got some nice legs

This is what happens when the ATP knows that you are never going to win a major. They give you consolation prizes (aka Sportsmanship Award) presented by another non-major winner.

This is what happens when the ATP knows that you are never going to win a major. They give you consolation prizes (aka Sportsmanship Award) presented by another non-major winner.

The best I have ever seen Murray look

The best I have ever seen Murray look

There is a cold front coming from Anna Wintour as always (Gurl time to change up that look...)

There is a cold front coming from Anna Wintour as always (Gurl time to change up that look…)

The was suppose to be all about Dakota Fanning and her man...but I can't help but look at the woman behind who looks like she just jumped out of a Hitchcock film

The was suppose to be all about Dakota Fanning and her man…but I can’t help but look at the woman behind who looks like she just jumped out of a Hitchcock film

Michael Strahan and his.... friend....hmmmm

Michael Strahan and his…. friend….hmmmm

Ain't that his boyf..... Shut your mouth. I told you that in confidence

Ain’t that his boyf….. Shut your mouth. I told you that in confidence

asdsdsadas

US Open 2013: Day 8

In Flavia Pennetta, Janko Tipsarevic, Milos Raonic, Philipp Kohlschreiber, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roberta Vinci, Roger Federer, Tommy Robredo, US Open, Victoria Azarenka on September 6, 2013 at 7:33 am

2013+US+Open+Day+8+gJm0rTe9PLCl

It never seems to fail that I always run into trouble with my favourites on the 2nd Monday of a major. And this Monday was no different. First off, the rains came. It was near Monsoon at Flushing Meadows. It was though the rain was making up for the days that it was supposed to come but did not. It delayed play for about 4 -5 hours. As a matter of fact, only one match was completed before it poured buckets.

2013+US+Open+Day+8+Oq4cb96m7e1l

Finally after the delay, Mr. Federer took to the court against one of his pigeons, Tommy Robredo. Now Mr. Federer has dismantled Robredo in their 10 previous meetings. Robredo was barely able to win a set. However, from the jump of their 11th meeting, Mr. Federer was well off the plot. He got broken and Robredo was up 2-0. Mr. Federer was able to break back and get ahead 3-2. However, his entire style of play was baffling. Mr. Federer had a terrible Spring/Summer. He was only able to win 1 title for the year and then switched racquets but quickly went back to his old stick having lost to two players who were ranked in the 100s. Now against one of his favourite whipping boy he was struggling and struggling mightily.

Nobody beats Robredo 11 times in a row

Nobody beats Robredo 11 times in a row

It was beyond belief. Mr. Federer lost the match in straight sets 6-7 3-6 4-6. It was not as if he got blown off the court by a younger harder hitting opponent. Robredo is only 31 to Mr. Federer’s 32 years on this earth. Mr. Federer had 16 break point chances and only converted 2. He was 0-12 in sets 2 and 3. It was ridiculous. It was though he was working to lose. He constantly made the wrong shot, very uncharacteristic errors and not once did he impose himself on Robredo. It was as though Robredo was Mr. Federer and Mr. Federer was Robredo. I knew very early on that Mr. Federer was going to be bounced and for the first time since 2002 if I am not mistaken, Mr. Federer was dumped out of the US Open before the quarters. There is a lot more to say of Mr. Federer but I think it is best if I make a special post for Mr. Federer. He deserves that.

The hair was an uncharacteristic mess. Looking like Divadal's head

The hair was an uncharacteristic mess. Looking like Divadal’s head

Interestingly enough, of all the men’s matches played on that day, Robredo had the easiest time. Divadal was up against Philipp Kohlschreiber of Germany who can be a dangerous floater at times. He has taken out Djoker and Lochness Monster out of majors before if I am not mistaken. Anyway, he took the 1st set against Divadal but succumbed to an early break in the 2nd set and that was all it took for Divadal to impose his physical prowess on the German. Any notion of a possible upset were dismissed with disdain as Divadal took the next three sets 6-4 6-3 6-1 to continue his unbelievable run on hardcourt this year. He has not lost a single match on hardcourt if I am not mistaken. Hopefully that would change at this tournament.

Divadal has been a demon on hardcourt this year

Divadal has been a demon on hardcourt this year

Nadal’s countryman David Ferrer also found it difficult to get past Janko Tipsarevic. Janko was leading in all the sets if I am not mistaken but could not pull it off when it mattered losing it 6-7 6-3 5-7 6-7. Ferrer has done well at this tournament in the past, if I am not mistaken getting to 2 semifinals. However, his particular style does not lend itself to getting cheap ones. He always has to be on the defensive. Nonetheless, he is the quarterfinals of yet another major. Richard Gasquet had battle on his hand against the young Canadian Milos Raonic. Every set was competitive and it was a nice change up to see these two battle but in the end, Gasquet came through in 5 sets to make another quarters at a major. If I am not mistaken, his record in Round of 16 sucks big time. However, I am happy to see him through. He has always been a player whose talent I have long admired.

Gasquet through to the quarters

Gasquet through to the quarters

2 R. Nadal 6 6 6 6
22 P. Kohlschreiber 7 4 3 1
8 R. Gasquet 6 7 2 7 7
10 M. Raonic 7 6 6 6 5
7 R. Federer 6 3 4
19 T. Robredo 7 6 6  
4 D. Ferrer 7 3 7 7
18 J. Tipsarevic 6 6 5 6
Allison Riske looked to make a comeback in her match

Allison Riske looked to make a comeback in her match

The rain seriously hampered the ladies schedule as when it came down, only Roberta Vinci was able to complete her match and the Vickie v Ivanovic match was reschedule for the next day. Vinci took out her countrywoman Camilla Giorgi in straight sets 6-4 6-2. At this time the rain began pouring just as Simona Halep had set point to try and force her match against Pennetta to a 3rd set and Alison Riske had just broken Daniela Huntuchova in the 2nd set thus keeping her chances alive to get to the next round. However, when play was resumed, Halep found that she could not close things out and the more experience Pennetta took the 2nd set and the match in the tiebreaker 6-2 7-6. Hantuchova dropped the 2nd set and for many of us, we saw signs that the old Daniela was going to come back out on court. However, she kept her mind together and showed that experience can win out over youth. She took apart Riske who had the crowd firmly behind her 6-3 5-7 6-3.

I am playing so well at this tournament that it scares me

I am playing so well at this tournament that it scares me

10 R. Vinci 6 6  
C. Giorgi 4 2
A. Riske 3 7 2
D. Hantuchova 6 5 6
21 S. Halep 2 6
F. Pennetta 6 7  
Flooding at the US Open

Flooding at the US Open

The USTA talking about building a roof when they can't get proper drains installed

The USTA talking about building a roof when they can’t get proper drains installed

This is one of the more comical scenes in all of tennis. Why don't they just cover the courts when it rains?

This is one of the more comical scenes in all of tennis. Why don’t they just cover the courts when it rains?

I bet it is some contractual obligation or nepotism at work here why this scene plays out

I bet it is some contractual obligation or nepotism at work here why this scene plays out

No Federer v Nadal at the US Open... ah well I guess I have to try and carry on without him

No Federer v Nadal at the US Open… ah well I guess I have to try and carry on without him

US Open 2013: Day 4

In Ana Ivanovic, Angelique Kerber, Bernard Tomic, Carla Suarez Narravo, Christina McHale, Daniel Evans, Feliciano Lopez, Flavia Pennetta, Gael Monfils, James Blake, Janko Tipsarevic, John Isner, Kaia Kanepi, Maria Kirilenko, Milos Raonic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roger Federer, Sabine Lisicki, Sara Errani, Serena Williams, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Victoria Duval, Yaroslava Shevedova on August 30, 2013 at 8:58 am
Michelle Obama at the Open last Saturday... on fashion point as ALWAYS

Michelle Obama at the Open last Saturday… on fashion point as ALWAYS

So Day 4 at the US Open was a successful one. Despite it looking like the heavens were going to burst open, no rain fell to affect any scheduled play. As far as singles’ action go, I believe that all matches were played and completed. Also unlike the last major, Wimbledon, there have been very few retirements. I guess players are scrambling for the last stop to make big bucks, big points and also celebrity status. The US Open has as of late, perhaps because it is held in New York City, take on the feel of something akin the Grammys etc. Where tons of celebrities are floating around, lots of sponsors too and that unmistakable feel of entertainment energy,

 

Katie Couric, WTF is this hot mess pants. Are you kidding me? Did you ask some preschooler to design this bit for you?

This is Katie Couric, celebrity. See the problem here isn’t so much that she is wearing these pants as it is that she’s wearing these pants and wearing them in full confidence that they are the best thing ever. Boo, here’s a news flash…THEY’RE NOT!!! Stop having your children design your clothing

Before I move onto the real deal tennis, I just want to say WELCOME to any new FANZ who may be reading this blog. I hope you peruse at your leisure. Do understand that this blog does focus mainly on tennis but yet we cover so much more. It is structure (at least it is my intent) to capture tennis fans and non-tennis fans alike to reach that common goal of being a REALZ TENIS FANZ, which quite frankly is the best thing out there. DO NOT be intimidated if you are not a tennis fan because if you scroll through, you will be sure to find something that interests you in some form. There is also a Facebook Page, which I think would be more “user-friendly” as the blog might be a bit too “in-depth” for the non tennis fanz. There are tons of photos on it for your enjoyment. ALSO for the Realz fanz out there, PLEASE COMMENT and spread the word about this blog!!! You know how I am always begging for attention.

Divadal looking in his usual form

Divadal looking in his usual form

Anywho, on the men’s side, there were no upsets of note though Douchsarevic got through to the 3rd round much to my chagrin. Yeah I know, I said it. American Jock Sock who seems to go into hiding all year long only to come out for the US Open is also through to the 3rd round. I mean seriously, has this guy even won two matches on tour this year much more two in the same tournament? However, he will be getting a nice chunk of change for his effort though it could have been more. James Blake and Sock lost in the 1st round of doubles. I mean James, you could not even muster up some courage and had yourself a nice run here. WOW, sometimes, I think you suck badly out of spite. However, we are not here to discuss James Blake, he is gone. Au revoir.

Mr. Federer and Divadal Nadal moved through quite comfortably to the 3rd round. Divadal was showing all his gonads on court and Mr. Federer was looking impressively clean. They are on both side of the draw and scheduled to meet in the quarters if neither loses before then. Mr. Federer has not beaten Divadal in a major since 2007 if I am not mistaken and in the kind of form he is showing as of late, I doubt if 2013 will change that statistic. Needless to say, I am very unhappy about this prospect. Nonetheless, you know I love me some Mr. Federer and I will be waving his flag on his bandwagon until the very end and thereafter.

Daniel Evans through to the 3rd round... yeahhhh

Daniel Evans through to the 3rd round… yeahhhh

Other usual suspects came through including Canadian Milos Raonic, Frenchman Richard Gasquet, Spaniards Tommy Robredo, resident hotties FeFe Lopez and Fiery Ferrer. I have also give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my new boo Daniel Evans for disposing for the trash in the form of Bernard Tomic aka Tampomic. Evans who scored an upset in the 1st round when he ousted the 11th seed Kei Nishikori, is showing himself as a non-one hit wonder in beating Tampomic. Evans is playing his 5th consecutive match as he came through 3 rounds of qualifying to get to the main draw. Anyway, Evans is set to play Tommy Robredo in the 3rd and possibly Mr. Federer in the Round of 16 if both win their next scheduled match. So you know what that means Evanie boo….You have my complete support until you face Mr. Federer, at which point, I will be cheering for your utter destruction on court. Sorry boo but Mr. Federer was there way before you came. However, you can come anytime you like for me 🙂

Arghhhhhhhhhhh Beetlejuice in full effect

Arghhhhhhhhhhh Beetlejuice in full effect

Anyway, the last match up of the day was BFG (John Isner) vs Beetlejuice (Gael Monfils). Now, I have never really been a fan of Monfils. I am sure he is great person off the court and if you love to party, he is definitely the guy to hang with. Though you should never be totally inebriated with him because he is the kinda guy that will cause the police to show up and though he is even more shit faced than you, he will still be able to talk the cops out of arresting him and there you are being carted off to jail and he is laughing his ass off. He also looks like a crazy prankster. Anyway we are so digressing right now. So I was saying that I have never been a huge fan of Monfils. However, last year, he earned my respect at the Aussie Open. Monfils showed a level of maturity I thought was way beyond him. I even complimented him on his 1st round match and commented on how mature he was in delving out a swift death to his opponent. But it seems as though no good deeds goes unpunished.

Fcuking crowd cheering on this French tool

Fcuking crowd cheering on this French tool

Monfils’ behaviour in his match up against Isner was utterly RIDONCULOUS. What was even worst was that the American crowd was cheering on Monfils over their player. (There is a lot I want to say about this but I do not think this is the time to focus on such matters) Monfils was throwing himself all over the place as though the match was being placed on the beach. And that his classic clownfcukery was in full display. Yes it can be entertaining but when it comes to major play, Monfils needs to be more focus. He has shown himself to be quite capable of possibly contending for majors. However, his potential is being stifled by his immaturity on court. It was a virtual shitshow last night. He practically gifted the first 2 sets to Isner and then later on tried to show some of his real tennis. However, Isner was playing such a complete match. He was firing on all cylinders and took out Monfils in 4 sets. Thank you Isner, I could not stand to see such nonsense for too long. Hopefully Isner finds his stride again here at the Open and could… I so hope and pray….knock out Divadal in their possible 4th round encounter. Actually I do not care who takes out Divadal, just take him out of here.

In America, we say goodbye. So get outta here

In America, we say goodbye. So get outta here

Anyway, check out the men’s score line below.

Sela D. (Isr) 4 4 1
Tipsarevic   J. (Srb) 6 6 6
Rufin G. (Fra) Ret. 6 1
Tursunov D. (Rus) 7 1
Gasquet R. (Fra) 6 7 7
Robert   S. (Fra) 3 5 5
Bautista-Agut R. (Esp) 3 7 1 2
Ferrer D. (Esp) 6 6 6 6  
Gonzalez M. (Arg) 6 6 5 2
Sock J. (Usa) 7 1 7 6  
Haider-Maurer A. (Aut) 4 4 5
Kukushkin M. (Kaz) 6 6 7
Tomic B. (Aus) 6 3 6 3
Evans D. (Gbr) 1 6 7 6  
Federer R. (Sui) 6 6 6
Berlocq C. (Arg) 3 2 1
Mannarino A. (Fra) 7 7 6 6  
Querrey S. (Usa) 6 6 7 4
Dodig I. (Cro) 6 6 6
Davydenko N. (Rus) 1 4 4
Roger-Vasselin E. (Fra) 3 2 7 2
Kohlschreiber P. (Ger) 6 6 5 6  
Robredo T. (Esp) 6 6 6  
Dancevic F. (Can) 4 4 1
Lopez F. (Esp) 6 7 4 7  
Klahn B. (Usa) 4 6 6 5
Andujar-Alba P. (Esp) 1 2 4
Raonic M. (Can) 6 6 6  
Silva D. R. (Bra) 2 1 0
Nadal R. (Esp) 6 6 6  
Isner J. (Usa) 7 6 4 7  
Monfils G. (Fra) 5 2 6 6
I'm just gonna take a lil nap and give this girl a slight chance to beat me

I’m just gonna take a lil nap and give this girl a slight chance to beat me

On the women’s side of the draw, things have been virtually quiet. But then again, 4th seed Sara Errani was howling on court in her defeat at the hands of her countrywoman Flavia Pennetta. Pennetta just dismantled Errani 6-3 6-1 I am not sure if I mentioned this earlier but Errani and her doubles partnership with Roberta Vinci might be in jeopardy as the two are fighting. Errani in her lost was crying that she did not want to be on court etc etc etc. Whatever Errani, you have it too good perhaps. I mean you have been able to make it to several major semis plus get to the finals of the French Open….something which considering your talent is actually beyond you. Yet you are complaining and trying to mess up the most successful thing you got. I am not interested in your tears. Save that drama for your mama but for the court.

It was not a good day for the Italian yesterday at all. She also will drop in rankings as she cannot defend her semifinal points from last year

It was not a good day for the Italian yesterday at all. She also will drop in rankings as she cannot defend her semifinal points from last year

Anyway, Carebear Kerber took out Bouchard of Canada who I think might be a talent to watch in the near future. She is pretty good and as you can see, she is not afraid of top players as she fought Serenanator in Montreal and now gave Kerber a big fight. American Christina McHale also won her match against Elena Svitolina but her countrywoman Victoria Duval who caused quite a buzz at the open when she knocked out Sam Stosur, succumbed to the pressure and was beaten by Daniela Huntuchova 6-2 6-3. In both sets, Duval was up a break but could not sustain her lead. It is also good to see that Daniela can win two matches back to back. She never fully realized her potential I think.

Duval was split in two yesterday by a seemingly in form Huntuchova

Duval was split in two yesterday by a seemingly in form Huntuchova

The Serenanator overcame a slow start to bagel her opponent in the 2nd set 6-3 6-0 meanwhile other notables such as Ana Ivanovic as well as her countrywoman Jelena Jankovic (Fivehead Jungle Witch), Kuznetsova, Kaia Kanepi, Petra Kvitova (surprise! surprise!), Sabine Lisicki, Roberta Vinci and Yaroslava Shvedova also came through in their matches. Shvedova faces the Serenanator in the next round. Should be an interesting match up. Maria Kirilenko took out the Portuguese player Maria Larcher de Brito 6-3 6-1. This is the same de Brito who took out the other Russian Maria, Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon. However, Kirilenko aka Krazilenko was sticking around for a possible upset. She just rolled out that final set breadstick like it was rushhour at Olive Garden. In other news, the Williams sisters are back playing doubles at this major. Yeah give Venus something to do. They won their 1st round match (6-7 6-0 6-3) against a Spanish duo which included Carla Suarez-Navarro who would have been Venus’s next opponent had she beaten Jie Zheng like she was suppose to have done. However, I am kinda glad that Venus lost now because I do not think she could have beaten Carla by herself and I could not deal with another Venus lost at the hands of his Lady Hobbit after the 2009 Australian Open 2nd round lost. I swear I had to lay Venus to rest in order to deal. She nearly killed me with that lost. Anyway, all the ladies’ score, after the jump.

Good Lord, the dress comes in different colours too..

Good Lord, the dress comes in different colours too..

Bouchard E. (Can) 4 6 3
Kerber A.   (Ger) 6 2 6
McHale C. (Usa) 6 3 7
Svitolina E. (Ukr) 4 6 5
Kanepi K. (Est) 6 6
Schmiedlová A. K. (Svk) 4 1
Kuznetsova S. (Rus) 6 4 6
Peng S. (Chn) 1 6 4
Makarova E. (Rus) 6 6
Mattek-Sands B. (Usa) 4 4
Nara K. (Jpn) 7 6
Cirstea S. (Rou) 5 1
Ormaechea P. (Arg) 2 3
Lisicki S. (Ger) 6 6
Safarova L. (Cze) 6 1 2
Vinci R. (Ita) 4 6 6
Shvedova Y. (Kaz) 6 6  
Mayr-Achleitner P. (Aut) 2 3
Jankovic J. (Srb) 6 6  
Kleybanova A. (Rus) 3 2
Pennetta F. (Ita) 6 6
Errani S. (Ita) 3 1
Cornet A. (Fra) 6 6  
Tomljanovic A. (Cro) 2 2
Vesnina E. (Rus) 1 4
Knapp K. (Ita) 6 6  
Williams S. (Usa) 6 6  
Voskoboeva G. (Kaz) 3 0
Ivanovic A. (Srb) 6 6  
Dulgheru A. (Rou) 2 1
Vekic D. (Cro) 2 1
Halep S. (Rou) 6 6  
Kvitova P. (Cze) 6 6  
Jovanovski B. (Srb) 2 4
Riske A. (Usa) 6 6  
Barthel M. (Ger) 4 2
Glushko J. (Isr) 7 6
Vickery S. (Usa) 5 3
Kirilenko M. (Rus) 6 6  
Larcher de Brito M. (Por) 3 1
Wozniak A. (Can) 3 1
Azarenka V. (Blr) 6 6  
Giorgi C. (Ita) 6 7  
Hsieh S-W. (Tpe) 4 6
Wozniacki C. (Den) 6 6
Scheepers C. (Rsa) 1 2
Hantuchova D. (Svk) 6 6  
Duval V. (Usa) 2 3
Look who showed up to watch "her man" at the Open... It's Xisca

Look who showed up to watch “her man” at the Open… It’s Xisca

And look who is happy to see her?

And look who is happy to see her?

Look the camera...

Look the camera…

Everyone fake laugh....

Everyone fake laugh….

Kuznetsova, what the hell is this tragedy? I thought we were making progressing in the fashion department

Kuznetsova, what the hell is this tragedy? I thought we were making progressing in the fashion department

Vickie why are you still wearing this ridiculous outfit?

Vickie why are you still wearing this ridiculous outfit?

Can someone explain to me this madness?

Can someone explain to me this madness?

Kvitova, you are determined to cart around this muffin top no matter what right?

Kvitova, you are determined to cart around this muffin top no matter what right?

 

Ana why even though you're flat chested, your boobs look lopsided?

Ana why even though you’re flat chested, your boobs look lopsided?

Helloooooo? Is anything in there??? It sounds so hallow..

Helloooooo? Is anything in there??? It sounds so hallow..

 

I wonder if my booty is bigger than the Serenanator's?

I wonder if my booty is bigger than the Serenanator’s?

Excuse you? You really wanna know?

Excuse you? You really wanna know?

 

HELLZ NOOOO

HELLZ NOOOO

I am

I am

A stinker...

A stinker…

a douche... a tampomic

a douche… a tampomic

and a tool

and a tool

US Open 2013: Day 2

In Ana Ivanovic, Andrea Petkovic, Caroline Wozniacki, Daniel Evans, Dominika Cibulkova, Donald Young, Flavia Pennetta, Gael Monfils, Grigor Dimitrov, Jerzy Janowicz, John Isner, Juan Monaco, Milos Raonic, Nadia Petrova, Nicolas Almagro, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Roberta Vinci, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Sara Errani, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Tommy Haas, US Open, Victoria Azarenka, Victoria Duval on August 28, 2013 at 8:09 am
Things are well on their way at the Open. Day 2 was favourable weather

Things are well on their way at the Open. Day 2 was favourable weather

This entry is going to be a very very quick one. I am trying to stay on top of everything out here and really trying to discipline myself to be more focus because I lose a lot of time. So on Day 2 nothing of consequence happened per se. The USTA and the weather allowed all scheduled singles matches to be played including all incomplete matches from Day 1. I am not sure about the doubles event but then again, I hardly check on that end of the tournament. Some interesting results on the men’s side: Americans Jock Sock and Donald Young are through to the 2nd round. Young decimated his opponent, dropping just 2 games in the entire match and Sock was holding his own against an ailing Petzschner and got through when the German finally retired down 2-5 in the 3rd set.

Hold the applause please! I have a lot of catching up to do at this year's open

Hold the applause please! I have a lot of catching up to do at this year’s open

By the way, while I have your attention, let me just say this. Mr. Federer is ranked 7 in the world. Yes 7 as in the number after 6 and before 8. Whenever I hear the number 7 and Mr. Federer in the same sentence, I think they are talking about 17 major titles, or 7 Wimbledon titles or even winning 7 matches at a major to win the title but never 7 and his ATP ranking. You know my heart almost failed. However, Mr. Federer has had a miserable year thus far. I think he may have won 1 title and his 2nd round loss at Wimbledon after being the defending champion coupled with his dismal performance in Europe thereafter to find his confidence. What he found at Gstaad and Hamburg were beatdowns at the hands of players he ordinarily eat up for a snack. He lost to Divadal in 3 sets in Cincinnati. So if there is ever a time Mr. Federer needs a miracle, it is here in NYC at the Open and you know I would be right here praying along with him.

Will it be the Djoker or Djuggernaut who shows up at this year's US Open?

Will it be the Djoker or Djuggernaut who shows up at this year’s US Open?

Lurch

Lurch

Beetlejuice is BACK!!!

Beetlejuice is BACK!!!

The usual suspects on the men’s side came and conquered. Mr. Federer of course, Djoker who was looking as polished as ever, Milos Raonic of Canada even Sam Querry  and John Isner got things going their way. Other winners include Tomas Berdych aka Lurch and Tommy “Head and Shoulders” Haas. Gael Monfils aka Beetlejuice is looking fit as fiddle as he breezed through his match 6-1 6-2 6-0. Hopefully he is fully back on the tour; no injuries and no foolish heroics on the court.

Nicolas Almagro yet another wayward on tour since the dawning of Divadal

Nicolas Almagro yet another wayward on tour since the dawning of Divadal

Undoubtedly there were those who saw it fit to slow the party. Jerzy Janowicz, the 14th seed, who I had high hopes for at these championships was ailing with his back and was dismissed in 3 sets. 28th seed Juan Monaco and 15th seed Nicolas Almagro were also bounced early from these games. Monaco may have been hurt but as for Almagro, this result is simply indicative of the sucky level of play he has been producing for a while now. I do not know what his deal is but he needs to get his life together.

I almost forgot that Mr. Sugapova, Grigor Dimitrov lost in 4 sets to a Portuguese hottie Joao Sousa in 5 sets.

I don't know if it is too much sugar in his diet but Mr. Sugapova needs to his life together. He also needs to burn his shirt because it is giving me a seizure right now

I don’t know if it is too much sugar in his diet but Mr. Sugapova needs to his life together. He also needs to burn his shirt because it is giving me a seizure right now

See Men’s Day 2 results below.

T. Kamke

64

6

79

6

S. Johnson

77

4

67

2

N. Djokovic

6

6

6

R. Berankis

1

2

2

J. Vesely

2

2

78

5

D. Kudla

6

6

66

7

T. Berdych

6

6

6

P. Lorenzi

1

4

1

J. Monaco

4

2

0

F. Mayer

6

6

3

B. Becker

6

3

6

6

L. Rosol

3

6

3

4

D. Young

6

6

6

M. Klizan

1

0

1

N. Almagro

3

1

6

3

D. Istomin

6

6

4

6

T. Haas

6

6

6

P. Mathieu

4

4

1

J. Sock

77

3

5

P. Petzschner

62

6

2

Y. Lu

6

77

6

D. Gimeno-Traver

4

65

3

R. Federer

6

6

7

G. Zemlja

3

2

5

S. Giraldo

3

6

78

4

2

C. Berlocq

6

3

66

6

6

S. Querrey

77

4

6

6

G. Pella

63

6

1

2

R. Dutra Silva

4

3

711

6

712

V. Pospisil

6

6

69

2

610

J. Isner

6

6

6

F. Volandri

0

2

3

On the ladies side, things were also relatively quiet. Of course Petra Kvitova was dropping a set to some no name but she found herself and won in 3 sets. Petra has played 60 matches for the year and literally half of them have been 3 setters. It seems as it is all very true that she and Radek Stepanek are now an item. Petra I am telling you gurl, do not be a stupid itch….Leave that penis alone. It is addling your brains and clearly affecting your game. Soon he will have you barefoot and pregnant.

Oh Petra! Petra! Petra! Gurl get your life together

Oh Petra! Petra! Petra! Gurl get your life together

Vickie just killed her match as she double bagelled her opponent as did Sara Errani. Rumour has it that Errani and her doubles partner Roberta Vinci have a falling out. Leave it to women to always spoil a good partnership over some stupid bullshit. Anyway, there were some interesting match ups on Day 2 including Christina McHale v Julia Georges. The American won in straight sets 6-4 6-3. I think it is time we call off the search party who is looking for Julia to find her way on tour. We can officially call this one a non-factor at this point. Georges simply does not have what it takes to make a big name for herself. She is coming off as mediocre to the nth degree; scarcely worth mentioning these days.

Vickie I do not know who told you this lil number was a good idea but I'm gonna have to correct that let you know, this skirt is an EPIC FAIL. Go back to the pom pom shorts

Vickie I do not know who told you this lil number was a good idea but I’m gonna have to correct that let you know, this skirt is an EPIC FAIL. Go back to the pom pom shorts

Anywho, another interesting match was Bojana Jovanovski v Andrea Petkovic. They both share similar ethnic background who different nationalities. Petkovic is trying to find her game again but she will have to look for it elsewhere because it is not going to be found here at this year’s US Open. Bojana was all over her 6-2 6-4 in this match and Andrea just made far too many unforced errors.

Roberta, we spoke about making these faces outside in public. This is not okay! Look what you did to Daniela

Roberta, we spoke about making these faces outside in public. This is not okay! Look what you did to Daniela

OMG, I'm a gonna throw up

OMG, I’m a gonna throw up

Some other winners of the day included Roberta Vinci, her countrywoman Flavia Pennetta, Daniela Hantucova, Ana Ivanovic who looked surprising not terrible in her 1st round match and also Moaning Mona Barthel. There were several upsets including that of the 20th, 17th and the 11th seed; Nadia Petrova, Dominika Cibulkova and Sam Stosur respectively. Nadia we are not really surprised that she lost and in straight sets too, which perhaps might be the only unexpected bit. However, she has been well off the plot for a long long time. Cibulkova, she can be either very hot or very cold. She knows no mid range and obviously she was very cold at this late summer slam. Sam Stosur on the other hand. Well, I do not even know what to say about her. She has great success here at the Open. She beat the Serenanator in 2011 and convincingly too but these days she is off in the outbacks of her mind. However, this summer, I thought she was getting her life together. She beat Vickie in California and for sure, I said, watch out for Sam at the Open. But you know how Sam is. She does everything to defy all expectations of her.

Victoria Duval in action against Sam Stosur

Victoria Duval in action against Sam Stosur

She played the young and upcoming American Victoria Duval who got her @$$ handed to her by Kim Clijsters in her last win at the Open in 2012. However, this year, Duval made sure she was not going to serve as a prop for Sam’s performance. She found Sam on every single point throughout the match and it paid dividends for her. She showed her “immaturity” at many stages of the match but in the end, she showed a level of steely nerves that I hope will carry her through to bigger and better things. She won 5-7 6-4 6-4. The last couple of games in the match were particularly tough but she held on. I can only hope that the US media does not kill this girl with hype.

This will undoubtedly be one of the memorable moments of this year's championships. Victoria Duval. Now can we all agree to protect her from the crazy US media hype?

This will undoubtedly be one of the memorable moments of this year’s championships. Victoria Duval. Now can we all agree to protect her from the crazy US media hype?

Anyway here are most of the ladies results.

2

V. Azarenka

6

6

 
D. Pfizenmaier

0

0

 
 

21

S. Halep

4

6

6

 
H. Watson

6

4

2

 
 

27

S. Kuznetsova

6

7

 
M. Burdette

3

5

 
 
S. Peng

6

6

 
Y. Meusburger

3

4

 
 
T. Pironkova

3

3

 
A. Riske

6

6

 
 
A. Wozniak

7

77

 
V. Dolonc

5

65

 
 
D. Vekic

77

4

6

 
M. Duque-Marino

65

6

2

 
 

28

M. Barthel

6

6

 
J. Larsson

1

4

 
 

11

S. Stosur

7

4

4

 
V. Duval

5

6

6

 
 

4

S. Errani

6

6

 
O. Rogowska

0

0

 
 

20

N. Petrova

3

4

 
J. Glushko

6

6

 
 
M. Sanchez

5

2

 
D. Hantuchova

7

6

 
 
C. Scheepers

2

6

6

 
C. Simmonds

6

2

1

 
 

17

D. Cibulkova

4

3

 
E. Svitolina

6

6

 
 
M. Lucic-Baroni

4

4

 
S. Vickery

6

6

 
 

26

A. Cornet

6

6

 
M. Koehler

3

2

 

This is how you look when you on court and stuffing your face with a double bagel. (Vickie's 1st round opponent)

This is how you look when you on court and stuffing your face with a double bagel. (Vickie’s 1st round opponent)

See this is how Ivanovic The Terrible and I are always at odds with each other. She should be concentrating on her on court game instead of holding court with these men who have absolutely no interest in tennis and are just thinking about how they can pitch a "group play" session with all 4 of them to her

See this is how Ivanovic The Terrible and I are always at odds with each other. She should be concentrating on her on court game instead of holding court with these men who have absolutely no interest in tennis and are just thinking about how they can pitch a “group play” session with all 4 of them to her

Can we just for a moment talk about this piece? WTF? is that a panty outline/silhouette on this thing? I mean seriously?

Can we just for a moment talk about this piece? WTF? is that a panty outline/silhouette on this thing? I mean seriously?

Rory has to shield his eyes from this filth

Rory has to shield his eyes from this filth

Maybe this is sleep deprivation at work here but I swear, Monfils is looking more put together....less Beetlejuicish here

Maybe this is sleep deprivation at work here but I swear, Monfils is looking more put together….less Beetlejuicish here

Oh yes... Daniel Evans is shirtless... yessssssss

Oh yes… Daniel Evans is shirtless… yessssssss

You know he's thinking about me right here

You know he’s thinking about me right here

See we have a problem here. This bushy tail rat got tickets to the US Open and I don't. WTF??

See we have a problem here. This bushy tail rat got tickets to the US Open and I don’t. WTF??

Wimbledon 2013: Manic Monday

In Agnes Radwanska, Andreas Seppi, Andy Murray, Bernard Tomic, Carla Suarez Narravo, David Ferrer, Fernando Verdasco, Flavia Pennetta, Jerzy Janowicz, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kaia Kanepi, Laura Robson, Li Na, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Mikhail Youzhny, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Sabine Lisicki, Serena Williams, Slaone Stephens, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Tommy Haas, Tsvetana Pironkova, Wimbledon on July 2, 2013 at 7:54 am
Sabine Lisicki, the French Open champion slayer!

Sabine Lisicki, the French Open champion slayer!

Yeah gurl, I am like WTF too??

Yeah gurl, I am like WTF too??

I have always hated Mondays. Since a child, Mondays was the worst day to look forward to. It spoils the freedom of Sunday because of it inevitable arrival the next day. And this end Monday of Wimbledon, where all 16 Round of 16 matches are played for singles, made me hate Mondays even more. I do not even know what to say about this day. I mean the only upset of the day…. the ONLY ONE is the UPSET. I would not have ever imagined that the Serenanator would have gone out like this. I know that Lisicki is a good player…but the Serenanator is clearly better. I am at a lost for words. You know my mood was considerably dampened by this result. It is not just the fact that the Serenanator lost (at least Venus gets to keep one record to herself of 35 win match streak). However, it was the fact that everyone I hold so near and dear to my heart is not here for me to cheer. I have cleared my calender, took time off from work and what do I get, a possible final between Djoker v Lochness Monster or worst, Bratzwanska v Bartoli. Are you fcuking kidding me? What kinda rubbish is the tennis gods pour out from their heavens. This has been an utter mess of a major. I mean even Divadal is out and you know how much I can do without his company.

Maybe they're right. There must be sugar in the grass. Perhaps Sugarpova??

Maybe they’re right. There must be sugar in the grass. Perhaps Sugarpova??

Who me? I did not put any Superpova in the grass. I pinky swear it......Now I am not saying someone else did not put it as per my instructions but I did not pour my diabetes inducing candy on Centre Court.

Who me? I did not put any Superpova in the grass. I pinky swear it……Now I am not saying someone else did not put it as per my instructions but I did not pour my diabetes inducing candy on Centre Court.

 

I guess the tennis gods are perhaps righting some wrong because all of then current French Open champions that Lisicki took out, were all improbable winners. Kuzi, LiNaLi, Shriekapova and now the Serenanator. No one of these players, perhaps with the exception of Kuzi Rex, were ever known for being clay court specialist. However, at the French Open, they totally dominated the surface and could have fooled even the wise observer that clay was a natural part of their game. I guess I should be at peace somewhat but I really cannot deal with this nonsense. I want this thing to be over and for us to pretend that Wimbledon 2013 NEVER HAPPENED at all. Who is with me?

I mean other than the fact that the Serenanator lost yesterday, the higher seed won. There were no other upsets. I could not believe it. I was hoping that perhaps Youzhny would have knock Murray out but the Chernobyl Disaster as per the norm, had a melt down. People Jerzy Janowicz and Lukas Kubot as in the quarters and either one of them will be in the semis of Wimbledon. WTF?? WTMFF?? This cannot be happening.

Anyway, here are the results… I cannot talk anymore

15

M. Bartoli

6

6

K. Knapp

2

3

4

A. Radwanska

4

6

6

T. Pironkova

6

3

3

17

S. Stephens

4

7

6

M. Puig

6

5

1

6

N. Li

6

6

11

R. Vinci

2

0

L. Robson

66

5

K. Kanepi

78

7

1

S. Williams

2

6

4

23

S. Lisicki

6

1

6

20

K. Flipkens

77

6

F. Pennetta

62

3

8

P. Kvitova

77

6

19

C. Suarez Navarro

65

3

1

N. Djokovic

6

6

77

13

T. Haas

1

4

64

7

T. Berdych

77

65

6

6

B. Tomic

64

77

4

4

F. Verdasco

6

6

6

K. De Schepper

4

4

4

8

J. del Potro

6

77

6

23

A. Seppi

4

62

3

2

A. Murray

6

77

6

20

M. Youzhny

4

65

1

4

D. Ferrer

63

78

6

6

I. Dodig

77

66

1

1

L. Kubot

4

6

3

6

6

A. Mannarino

6

3

6

3

4

24

J. Janowicz

3

77

6

4

6

J. Melzer

6

61

4

6

4