Realz

Archive for the ‘Janko Tipsarevic’ Category

US Open 2013: Day 8

In Flavia Pennetta, Janko Tipsarevic, Milos Raonic, Philipp Kohlschreiber, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roberta Vinci, Roger Federer, Tommy Robredo, US Open, Victoria Azarenka on September 6, 2013 at 7:33 am

2013+US+Open+Day+8+gJm0rTe9PLCl

It never seems to fail that I always run into trouble with my favourites on the 2nd Monday of a major. And this Monday was no different. First off, the rains came. It was near Monsoon at Flushing Meadows. It was though the rain was making up for the days that it was supposed to come but did not. It delayed play for about 4 -5 hours. As a matter of fact, only one match was completed before it poured buckets.

2013+US+Open+Day+8+Oq4cb96m7e1l

Finally after the delay, Mr. Federer took to the court against one of his pigeons, Tommy Robredo. Now Mr. Federer has dismantled Robredo in their 10 previous meetings. Robredo was barely able to win a set. However, from the jump of their 11th meeting, Mr. Federer was well off the plot. He got broken and Robredo was up 2-0. Mr. Federer was able to break back and get ahead 3-2. However, his entire style of play was baffling. Mr. Federer had a terrible Spring/Summer. He was only able to win 1 title for the year and then switched racquets but quickly went back to his old stick having lost to two players who were ranked in the 100s. Now against one of his favourite whipping boy he was struggling and struggling mightily.

Nobody beats Robredo 11 times in a row

Nobody beats Robredo 11 times in a row

It was beyond belief. Mr. Federer lost the match in straight sets 6-7 3-6 4-6. It was not as if he got blown off the court by a younger harder hitting opponent. Robredo is only 31 to Mr. Federer’s 32 years on this earth. Mr. Federer had 16 break point chances and only converted 2. He was 0-12 in sets 2 and 3. It was ridiculous. It was though he was working to lose. He constantly made the wrong shot, very uncharacteristic errors and not once did he impose himself on Robredo. It was as though Robredo was Mr. Federer and Mr. Federer was Robredo. I knew very early on that Mr. Federer was going to be bounced and for the first time since 2002 if I am not mistaken, Mr. Federer was dumped out of the US Open before the quarters. There is a lot more to say of Mr. Federer but I think it is best if I make a special post for Mr. Federer. He deserves that.

The hair was an uncharacteristic mess. Looking like Divadal's head

The hair was an uncharacteristic mess. Looking like Divadal’s head

Interestingly enough, of all the men’s matches played on that day, Robredo had the easiest time. Divadal was up against Philipp Kohlschreiber of Germany who can be a dangerous floater at times. He has taken out Djoker and Lochness Monster out of majors before if I am not mistaken. Anyway, he took the 1st set against Divadal but succumbed to an early break in the 2nd set and that was all it took for Divadal to impose his physical prowess on the German. Any notion of a possible upset were dismissed with disdain as Divadal took the next three sets 6-4 6-3 6-1 to continue his unbelievable run on hardcourt this year. He has not lost a single match on hardcourt if I am not mistaken. Hopefully that would change at this tournament.

Divadal has been a demon on hardcourt this year

Divadal has been a demon on hardcourt this year

Nadal’s countryman David Ferrer also found it difficult to get past Janko Tipsarevic. Janko was leading in all the sets if I am not mistaken but could not pull it off when it mattered losing it 6-7 6-3 5-7 6-7. Ferrer has done well at this tournament in the past, if I am not mistaken getting to 2 semifinals. However, his particular style does not lend itself to getting cheap ones. He always has to be on the defensive. Nonetheless, he is the quarterfinals of yet another major. Richard Gasquet had battle on his hand against the young Canadian Milos Raonic. Every set was competitive and it was a nice change up to see these two battle but in the end, Gasquet came through in 5 sets to make another quarters at a major. If I am not mistaken, his record in Round of 16 sucks big time. However, I am happy to see him through. He has always been a player whose talent I have long admired.

Gasquet through to the quarters

Gasquet through to the quarters

2 R. Nadal 6 6 6 6
22 P. Kohlschreiber 7 4 3 1
8 R. Gasquet 6 7 2 7 7
10 M. Raonic 7 6 6 6 5
7 R. Federer 6 3 4
19 T. Robredo 7 6 6  
4 D. Ferrer 7 3 7 7
18 J. Tipsarevic 6 6 5 6
Allison Riske looked to make a comeback in her match

Allison Riske looked to make a comeback in her match

The rain seriously hampered the ladies schedule as when it came down, only Roberta Vinci was able to complete her match and the Vickie v Ivanovic match was reschedule for the next day. Vinci took out her countrywoman Camilla Giorgi in straight sets 6-4 6-2. At this time the rain began pouring just as Simona Halep had set point to try and force her match against Pennetta to a 3rd set and Alison Riske had just broken Daniela Huntuchova in the 2nd set thus keeping her chances alive to get to the next round. However, when play was resumed, Halep found that she could not close things out and the more experience Pennetta took the 2nd set and the match in the tiebreaker 6-2 7-6. Hantuchova dropped the 2nd set and for many of us, we saw signs that the old Daniela was going to come back out on court. However, she kept her mind together and showed that experience can win out over youth. She took apart Riske who had the crowd firmly behind her 6-3 5-7 6-3.

I am playing so well at this tournament that it scares me

I am playing so well at this tournament that it scares me

10 R. Vinci 6 6  
C. Giorgi 4 2
A. Riske 3 7 2
D. Hantuchova 6 5 6
21 S. Halep 2 6
F. Pennetta 6 7  
Flooding at the US Open

Flooding at the US Open

The USTA talking about building a roof when they can't get proper drains installed

The USTA talking about building a roof when they can’t get proper drains installed

This is one of the more comical scenes in all of tennis. Why don't they just cover the courts when it rains?

This is one of the more comical scenes in all of tennis. Why don’t they just cover the courts when it rains?

I bet it is some contractual obligation or nepotism at work here why this scene plays out

I bet it is some contractual obligation or nepotism at work here why this scene plays out

No Federer v Nadal at the US Open... ah well I guess I have to try and carry on without him

No Federer v Nadal at the US Open… ah well I guess I have to try and carry on without him

Advertisements

US Open 2013: Day 6

In Alize Cornet, Ana Ivanovic, Carla Suarez Narravo, Caroline Wozniacki, Christina McHale, Daniel Evans, David Ferrer, Feliciano Lopez, Janko Tipsarevic, John Isner, Kaia Kanepi, Maria Kirilenko, Mikhail Kukushkin, Milos Raonic, Petra Kvitova, Philipp Kohlschreiber, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roger Federer, US Open, Victoria Azarenka on September 6, 2013 at 7:24 am
Adios Kirilenko..Just one of the string of upset defeats

Adios Kirilenko..Just one of the string of upset defeats

Day 6 at the Open was a bit of a shocker in some respect. A lot of the top ladies found themselves in some serious trouble. Several of the top seeds were bounced out of the tournament like some gypsy ball (I wonder if any of the Realz Fanz will know what a gypsy ball is). Alize Cornet, that unpredictable Frenchwoman almost gave Vickie a run for her money. Cornet took the 1st set but then showed her true self on court losing quite easily in the next two. However, this was the 1st time Vickie has come close to dropping a set in the tournament. She is a fighter though and very very feisty on court.

Though I love me some Kuzi this outfit has got to go!!

Though I love me some Kuzi this outfit has got to go!!

However, it was not Vickie’s near miss that was the shocker but the relative easy by which Maria Kirilenko, Svetlana Kuznetsova and Petra Kvitova were disposed of in the 3rd round of a major. I mean Kuzi showed herself much better than Maria and Petra but still Kuzi, a former champ here back in 2004 should not have been downed by the likes of Flavia Pennetta 5-7 1-6. Kuzi almost snatched away the French Open title from the Serenanator in the May and here she is acting like some newcomer to the tour. Nonetheless, very good on Flavia for bagging this win. She has done well here at the Open in the past and is looking to continue this success. Maria and Petra on the other hand, I do not even know what to say. Between the two of them, they won a combined ZERO sets and only 4 games. They both enjoyed a final set bagel. Simona Halep of Romania who has been having a fabulous summer this year, just simply dismantled the Russian; a breadstick and a bagel 6-1 6-0. Why is Kirilenko getting such a trashing from Halep, I do not know.

Simona Halep of Romania is looking to make a name for herself on tour

Simona Halep of Romania is looking to make a name for herself on tour

As for Petra, she won 3 games against Allison Riske who is looking to make a name for herself at this year’s open 6-3 6-0. Petra spoke of not being well. I do not know Petra, it seems like you making your own life difficult. And unfortunately, I have to report, the rumours of her and Radek Stepanek being an item is no rumour; they have been confirmed. How many more brilliant female players do Radek Stepanek has to ruin before something is done about this social pariah. I mean, I am not one to get all Christian conservative but he is a married man. Nicole Vaidisova, you best come get your man because you throw away your career for this beast, do not let another brilliant talent go the same route.

Petra and this belly of hers. Maybe we should call her a Petra-belly Pig....That's not right! I am not right...just foul I am

Petra and this belly of hers. Maybe we should call her a Petra-belly Pig….That’s not right! I am not right…just foul I am

Camila Giorgi crushed the Danish Biscuit

Camila Giorgi crushed the Danish Biscuit

In other news Caroline Wozniacki also got bounced but this is really no surprise other than the fact than an unheralded Italian Camilla Giorgi pounded her to the ground. From the jump, Giorgi was all over Woziniacki’s patty cake shots and only by the skin of her teeth was Woz able to bag the 1st set. She was messy as always. It goes without saying that Wozniacki is not up to par with the challenges of really being a top tier player. She has talent but she has no gifts. There is not one element of her game that her opponents fear. She is non-factor for the most part. She is not even intimidating in her on court manner particularly looking at her ridiculous kit compliments La Stella McCartney.  Anyway, Giorgi smelled the opportunity to get the upset and took it. She knocked Caro out in three sets 4-6 6-4 6-3 and everyone who saw this match knew that Caro was soundly beaten.

Goodbye to Woz and this awful dress

Goodbye to Woz and this awful dress

I should mention that Roberta Vinci and Daniela Hantuchova won their matches also though Daniela made a mess of it against an Israeli player I have never heard of before.

6 C. Wozniacki 6 4 3
C. Giorgi 4 6 6
10 R. Vinci 6 6  
K. Knapp 4 3
2 V. Azarenka 6 6 6
26 A. Cornet 7 3 2
J. Glushko 6 5 6
D. Hantuchova 3 7 7
14 M. Kirilenko 1 0
21 S. Halep 6 6  
13 A. Ivanovic 4 7 6
C. McHale 6 5 4
27 S. Kuznetsova 5 1
F. Pennetta 7 6
7 P. Kvitova 3 0
A. Riske 6 6  

On the men’s side, the usual suspects were in fine form. Mr. Federer and Divadal are likely heading for their umpteenth encounter on tour though surprisingly, they have never met at the US Open. Mr. Federer dismantled the cutie Frenchman Adrian Mannarino whereas Divadal took apart Ivan Dodig also in straight sets.

Mr. Federer is looking supreme right about now... the calm before the storm I suspect

Mr. Federer is looking supreme right about now… the calm before the storm I suspect

Tommy Robredo halted the hot young Briton Daniel Evans in his tracks. Robredo, 31, who is enjoying perhaps the best season of his career put paid on Evans’ remarkable run here in NYC. Evans had two set points to take the match to a decisive 5th set. However, his inexperience got in the way and Robredo set himself up for his 11th meeting with Mr. Federer. Hopefully he has a better time on his 11th meeting. He has yet to win a match and has only won 3-24 sets if I am not mistaken on this stat. Mr. Federer looks ready to end this year on a decent note at the majors and Robredo

Robredo happy to be finding his good tennis again especially at majors

Robredo happy to be finding his good tennis again especially at majors

Robredo joins his fellow Spaniard David Ferrer who had a tough match up with Mikhail Kukushkin but coming through in 4 set. Their compatriot FeFe Lopez lost to Milos Raonic of Canada. It is time that Raonic start making some noise at majors. Americans did not fare so well last night John Isner, the highest ranked American was bounced by Philipp Kohlschreiber and Jock Sock got bagged by Janko Tipsarevic. I am not a fan of Janko but good on him to be making some noise at a major. He has had a most dismal year. I do not think he had any good runs for the year. I think the lone American man on deck is Tim Smyczek who I doubt will go further than he has already. The press is all complaining about the poor showing of the Americans. Mind you American men have failed to get past the 4th round this year at any of the majors and they expect them to pull off something special here. Meanwhile, Richard Gasquet is through to the 4th round when Dmitri Tursunov retired in the 4th set.

2 R. Nadal 6 6 6
I. Dodig 4 3 3
7 R. Federer 6 6 6  
A. Mannarino 3 0 3
13 J. Isner 4 6 5 6
22 P. Kohlschreiber 6 3 7 7
19 T. Robredo 7 6 4 7  
D. Evans 6 1 6 5
M. Kukushkin 4 3 6 4
4 D. Ferrer 6 6 4 6  
J. Sock 6 6 1 2
18 J. Tipsarevic 3 7 6 6  
23 F. Lopez 7 4 3 4
10 M. Raonic 6 6 6 6  
8 R. Gasquet 6 2 6 4  
32 D. Tursunov (Ret) 3 6 4 2
Guess who this is?? You might have to defend yourself

Guess who this is?? You might have to defend yourself

Hide your purses!

Hide your purses!

Her neck is very stiff

Her neck is very stiff

Talk about a flat stomach..

Talk about a flat stomach..

Though he is a douche, he definitely has a nice body. Give me some liquor and I would be all over it... I will feign gaynesia in the morning

Though he is a douche, he definitely has a nice body. Give me some liquor and I would be all over it… I will feign gaynesia in the morning

FeFe Lopez giving us the Spanish Scruff and Me le gusto

FeFe Lopez giving us the Spanish Scruff and Me le gusto

Mannarino... my dar is definitely pinging here

Mannarino… my dar is definitely pinging here

Hmmm Let me think about it... I am gonna have agree with you

Hmmm Let me think about it… I am gonna have agree with you

Carlo is being so nice to the kiddies... Be careful, she bites

Carlo is being so nice to the kiddies… Be careful, she bites

I do not even know where to begin with these shirts but needless to say

I do not even know where to begin with these shirts but needless to say

WTF? Daniel Evans is wearing a microbra?? What the hell is going on here peeps? Help Realz understand what's really the deal here

WTF? My boo Daniel Evans is wearing a microbra?? What the hell is going on here peeps? Help Realz understand what’s really the deal here

US Open 2013: Day 4

In Ana Ivanovic, Angelique Kerber, Bernard Tomic, Carla Suarez Narravo, Christina McHale, Daniel Evans, Feliciano Lopez, Flavia Pennetta, Gael Monfils, James Blake, Janko Tipsarevic, John Isner, Kaia Kanepi, Maria Kirilenko, Milos Raonic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roger Federer, Sabine Lisicki, Sara Errani, Serena Williams, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Victoria Duval, Yaroslava Shevedova on August 30, 2013 at 8:58 am
Michelle Obama at the Open last Saturday... on fashion point as ALWAYS

Michelle Obama at the Open last Saturday… on fashion point as ALWAYS

So Day 4 at the US Open was a successful one. Despite it looking like the heavens were going to burst open, no rain fell to affect any scheduled play. As far as singles’ action go, I believe that all matches were played and completed. Also unlike the last major, Wimbledon, there have been very few retirements. I guess players are scrambling for the last stop to make big bucks, big points and also celebrity status. The US Open has as of late, perhaps because it is held in New York City, take on the feel of something akin the Grammys etc. Where tons of celebrities are floating around, lots of sponsors too and that unmistakable feel of entertainment energy,

 

Katie Couric, WTF is this hot mess pants. Are you kidding me? Did you ask some preschooler to design this bit for you?

This is Katie Couric, celebrity. See the problem here isn’t so much that she is wearing these pants as it is that she’s wearing these pants and wearing them in full confidence that they are the best thing ever. Boo, here’s a news flash…THEY’RE NOT!!! Stop having your children design your clothing

Before I move onto the real deal tennis, I just want to say WELCOME to any new FANZ who may be reading this blog. I hope you peruse at your leisure. Do understand that this blog does focus mainly on tennis but yet we cover so much more. It is structure (at least it is my intent) to capture tennis fans and non-tennis fans alike to reach that common goal of being a REALZ TENIS FANZ, which quite frankly is the best thing out there. DO NOT be intimidated if you are not a tennis fan because if you scroll through, you will be sure to find something that interests you in some form. There is also a Facebook Page, which I think would be more “user-friendly” as the blog might be a bit too “in-depth” for the non tennis fanz. There are tons of photos on it for your enjoyment. ALSO for the Realz fanz out there, PLEASE COMMENT and spread the word about this blog!!! You know how I am always begging for attention.

Divadal looking in his usual form

Divadal looking in his usual form

Anywho, on the men’s side, there were no upsets of note though Douchsarevic got through to the 3rd round much to my chagrin. Yeah I know, I said it. American Jock Sock who seems to go into hiding all year long only to come out for the US Open is also through to the 3rd round. I mean seriously, has this guy even won two matches on tour this year much more two in the same tournament? However, he will be getting a nice chunk of change for his effort though it could have been more. James Blake and Sock lost in the 1st round of doubles. I mean James, you could not even muster up some courage and had yourself a nice run here. WOW, sometimes, I think you suck badly out of spite. However, we are not here to discuss James Blake, he is gone. Au revoir.

Mr. Federer and Divadal Nadal moved through quite comfortably to the 3rd round. Divadal was showing all his gonads on court and Mr. Federer was looking impressively clean. They are on both side of the draw and scheduled to meet in the quarters if neither loses before then. Mr. Federer has not beaten Divadal in a major since 2007 if I am not mistaken and in the kind of form he is showing as of late, I doubt if 2013 will change that statistic. Needless to say, I am very unhappy about this prospect. Nonetheless, you know I love me some Mr. Federer and I will be waving his flag on his bandwagon until the very end and thereafter.

Daniel Evans through to the 3rd round... yeahhhh

Daniel Evans through to the 3rd round… yeahhhh

Other usual suspects came through including Canadian Milos Raonic, Frenchman Richard Gasquet, Spaniards Tommy Robredo, resident hotties FeFe Lopez and Fiery Ferrer. I have also give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my new boo Daniel Evans for disposing for the trash in the form of Bernard Tomic aka Tampomic. Evans who scored an upset in the 1st round when he ousted the 11th seed Kei Nishikori, is showing himself as a non-one hit wonder in beating Tampomic. Evans is playing his 5th consecutive match as he came through 3 rounds of qualifying to get to the main draw. Anyway, Evans is set to play Tommy Robredo in the 3rd and possibly Mr. Federer in the Round of 16 if both win their next scheduled match. So you know what that means Evanie boo….You have my complete support until you face Mr. Federer, at which point, I will be cheering for your utter destruction on court. Sorry boo but Mr. Federer was there way before you came. However, you can come anytime you like for me 🙂

Arghhhhhhhhhhh Beetlejuice in full effect

Arghhhhhhhhhhh Beetlejuice in full effect

Anyway, the last match up of the day was BFG (John Isner) vs Beetlejuice (Gael Monfils). Now, I have never really been a fan of Monfils. I am sure he is great person off the court and if you love to party, he is definitely the guy to hang with. Though you should never be totally inebriated with him because he is the kinda guy that will cause the police to show up and though he is even more shit faced than you, he will still be able to talk the cops out of arresting him and there you are being carted off to jail and he is laughing his ass off. He also looks like a crazy prankster. Anyway we are so digressing right now. So I was saying that I have never been a huge fan of Monfils. However, last year, he earned my respect at the Aussie Open. Monfils showed a level of maturity I thought was way beyond him. I even complimented him on his 1st round match and commented on how mature he was in delving out a swift death to his opponent. But it seems as though no good deeds goes unpunished.

Fcuking crowd cheering on this French tool

Fcuking crowd cheering on this French tool

Monfils’ behaviour in his match up against Isner was utterly RIDONCULOUS. What was even worst was that the American crowd was cheering on Monfils over their player. (There is a lot I want to say about this but I do not think this is the time to focus on such matters) Monfils was throwing himself all over the place as though the match was being placed on the beach. And that his classic clownfcukery was in full display. Yes it can be entertaining but when it comes to major play, Monfils needs to be more focus. He has shown himself to be quite capable of possibly contending for majors. However, his potential is being stifled by his immaturity on court. It was a virtual shitshow last night. He practically gifted the first 2 sets to Isner and then later on tried to show some of his real tennis. However, Isner was playing such a complete match. He was firing on all cylinders and took out Monfils in 4 sets. Thank you Isner, I could not stand to see such nonsense for too long. Hopefully Isner finds his stride again here at the Open and could… I so hope and pray….knock out Divadal in their possible 4th round encounter. Actually I do not care who takes out Divadal, just take him out of here.

In America, we say goodbye. So get outta here

In America, we say goodbye. So get outta here

Anyway, check out the men’s score line below.

Sela D. (Isr) 4 4 1
Tipsarevic   J. (Srb) 6 6 6
Rufin G. (Fra) Ret. 6 1
Tursunov D. (Rus) 7 1
Gasquet R. (Fra) 6 7 7
Robert   S. (Fra) 3 5 5
Bautista-Agut R. (Esp) 3 7 1 2
Ferrer D. (Esp) 6 6 6 6  
Gonzalez M. (Arg) 6 6 5 2
Sock J. (Usa) 7 1 7 6  
Haider-Maurer A. (Aut) 4 4 5
Kukushkin M. (Kaz) 6 6 7
Tomic B. (Aus) 6 3 6 3
Evans D. (Gbr) 1 6 7 6  
Federer R. (Sui) 6 6 6
Berlocq C. (Arg) 3 2 1
Mannarino A. (Fra) 7 7 6 6  
Querrey S. (Usa) 6 6 7 4
Dodig I. (Cro) 6 6 6
Davydenko N. (Rus) 1 4 4
Roger-Vasselin E. (Fra) 3 2 7 2
Kohlschreiber P. (Ger) 6 6 5 6  
Robredo T. (Esp) 6 6 6  
Dancevic F. (Can) 4 4 1
Lopez F. (Esp) 6 7 4 7  
Klahn B. (Usa) 4 6 6 5
Andujar-Alba P. (Esp) 1 2 4
Raonic M. (Can) 6 6 6  
Silva D. R. (Bra) 2 1 0
Nadal R. (Esp) 6 6 6  
Isner J. (Usa) 7 6 4 7  
Monfils G. (Fra) 5 2 6 6
I'm just gonna take a lil nap and give this girl a slight chance to beat me

I’m just gonna take a lil nap and give this girl a slight chance to beat me

On the women’s side of the draw, things have been virtually quiet. But then again, 4th seed Sara Errani was howling on court in her defeat at the hands of her countrywoman Flavia Pennetta. Pennetta just dismantled Errani 6-3 6-1 I am not sure if I mentioned this earlier but Errani and her doubles partnership with Roberta Vinci might be in jeopardy as the two are fighting. Errani in her lost was crying that she did not want to be on court etc etc etc. Whatever Errani, you have it too good perhaps. I mean you have been able to make it to several major semis plus get to the finals of the French Open….something which considering your talent is actually beyond you. Yet you are complaining and trying to mess up the most successful thing you got. I am not interested in your tears. Save that drama for your mama but for the court.

It was not a good day for the Italian yesterday at all. She also will drop in rankings as she cannot defend her semifinal points from last year

It was not a good day for the Italian yesterday at all. She also will drop in rankings as she cannot defend her semifinal points from last year

Anyway, Carebear Kerber took out Bouchard of Canada who I think might be a talent to watch in the near future. She is pretty good and as you can see, she is not afraid of top players as she fought Serenanator in Montreal and now gave Kerber a big fight. American Christina McHale also won her match against Elena Svitolina but her countrywoman Victoria Duval who caused quite a buzz at the open when she knocked out Sam Stosur, succumbed to the pressure and was beaten by Daniela Huntuchova 6-2 6-3. In both sets, Duval was up a break but could not sustain her lead. It is also good to see that Daniela can win two matches back to back. She never fully realized her potential I think.

Duval was split in two yesterday by a seemingly in form Huntuchova

Duval was split in two yesterday by a seemingly in form Huntuchova

The Serenanator overcame a slow start to bagel her opponent in the 2nd set 6-3 6-0 meanwhile other notables such as Ana Ivanovic as well as her countrywoman Jelena Jankovic (Fivehead Jungle Witch), Kuznetsova, Kaia Kanepi, Petra Kvitova (surprise! surprise!), Sabine Lisicki, Roberta Vinci and Yaroslava Shvedova also came through in their matches. Shvedova faces the Serenanator in the next round. Should be an interesting match up. Maria Kirilenko took out the Portuguese player Maria Larcher de Brito 6-3 6-1. This is the same de Brito who took out the other Russian Maria, Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon. However, Kirilenko aka Krazilenko was sticking around for a possible upset. She just rolled out that final set breadstick like it was rushhour at Olive Garden. In other news, the Williams sisters are back playing doubles at this major. Yeah give Venus something to do. They won their 1st round match (6-7 6-0 6-3) against a Spanish duo which included Carla Suarez-Navarro who would have been Venus’s next opponent had she beaten Jie Zheng like she was suppose to have done. However, I am kinda glad that Venus lost now because I do not think she could have beaten Carla by herself and I could not deal with another Venus lost at the hands of his Lady Hobbit after the 2009 Australian Open 2nd round lost. I swear I had to lay Venus to rest in order to deal. She nearly killed me with that lost. Anyway, all the ladies’ score, after the jump.

Good Lord, the dress comes in different colours too..

Good Lord, the dress comes in different colours too..

Bouchard E. (Can) 4 6 3
Kerber A.   (Ger) 6 2 6
McHale C. (Usa) 6 3 7
Svitolina E. (Ukr) 4 6 5
Kanepi K. (Est) 6 6
Schmiedlová A. K. (Svk) 4 1
Kuznetsova S. (Rus) 6 4 6
Peng S. (Chn) 1 6 4
Makarova E. (Rus) 6 6
Mattek-Sands B. (Usa) 4 4
Nara K. (Jpn) 7 6
Cirstea S. (Rou) 5 1
Ormaechea P. (Arg) 2 3
Lisicki S. (Ger) 6 6
Safarova L. (Cze) 6 1 2
Vinci R. (Ita) 4 6 6
Shvedova Y. (Kaz) 6 6  
Mayr-Achleitner P. (Aut) 2 3
Jankovic J. (Srb) 6 6  
Kleybanova A. (Rus) 3 2
Pennetta F. (Ita) 6 6
Errani S. (Ita) 3 1
Cornet A. (Fra) 6 6  
Tomljanovic A. (Cro) 2 2
Vesnina E. (Rus) 1 4
Knapp K. (Ita) 6 6  
Williams S. (Usa) 6 6  
Voskoboeva G. (Kaz) 3 0
Ivanovic A. (Srb) 6 6  
Dulgheru A. (Rou) 2 1
Vekic D. (Cro) 2 1
Halep S. (Rou) 6 6  
Kvitova P. (Cze) 6 6  
Jovanovski B. (Srb) 2 4
Riske A. (Usa) 6 6  
Barthel M. (Ger) 4 2
Glushko J. (Isr) 7 6
Vickery S. (Usa) 5 3
Kirilenko M. (Rus) 6 6  
Larcher de Brito M. (Por) 3 1
Wozniak A. (Can) 3 1
Azarenka V. (Blr) 6 6  
Giorgi C. (Ita) 6 7  
Hsieh S-W. (Tpe) 4 6
Wozniacki C. (Den) 6 6
Scheepers C. (Rsa) 1 2
Hantuchova D. (Svk) 6 6  
Duval V. (Usa) 2 3
Look who showed up to watch "her man" at the Open... It's Xisca

Look who showed up to watch “her man” at the Open… It’s Xisca

And look who is happy to see her?

And look who is happy to see her?

Look the camera...

Look the camera…

Everyone fake laugh....

Everyone fake laugh….

Kuznetsova, what the hell is this tragedy? I thought we were making progressing in the fashion department

Kuznetsova, what the hell is this tragedy? I thought we were making progressing in the fashion department

Vickie why are you still wearing this ridiculous outfit?

Vickie why are you still wearing this ridiculous outfit?

Can someone explain to me this madness?

Can someone explain to me this madness?

Kvitova, you are determined to cart around this muffin top no matter what right?

Kvitova, you are determined to cart around this muffin top no matter what right?

 

Ana why even though you're flat chested, your boobs look lopsided?

Ana why even though you’re flat chested, your boobs look lopsided?

Helloooooo? Is anything in there??? It sounds so hallow..

Helloooooo? Is anything in there??? It sounds so hallow..

 

I wonder if my booty is bigger than the Serenanator's?

I wonder if my booty is bigger than the Serenanator’s?

Excuse you? You really wanna know?

Excuse you? You really wanna know?

 

HELLZ NOOOO

HELLZ NOOOO

I am

I am

A stinker...

A stinker…

a douche... a tampomic

a douche… a tampomic

and a tool

and a tool

US Open 2013: Day 1

In Agnes Radwanska, Feliciano Lopez, Francesca Schiavone, Janko Tipsarevic, Jelena Jankovic, Kei Nishikori, Li Na, Maria Sharapova, Marian Bartoli, Na Li, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Slaone Stephens, Tennis, Tommy Robredo, US Open, Venus Williams, Victoria Azarenka on August 28, 2013 at 6:28 am
US Open 2013 Arthur Ashe Stadium

US Open 2013 Arthur Ashe Stadium

So the US Open 2013 has started and of course, RealzTenisFanz is behind the times. I am not even going to offer up any sort of excuses as to why this blog is not more regularly updated. The truth is that I am not really committed to the cause. As time consuming as this is, if I really want it to go somewhere, I really have to put in the effort and work at it. I should have been working on this ages ago and have it down to a science. There is no doubt that I love tennis and even more so love discussing its issues. However, writing about tennis, even salacious commentary, is very time consuming. I am thinking perhaps I should just have a daily live show. However, you would be able to see my face and that would make me an easy target for these players and we cannot have now, can we? Perhaps I can do puppetry or something like that. All in due time.

Maria Shriekapova Sugapova Sharapova

Maria Shriekapova Sugapova Sharapova

So the US Open begun and I guess the biggest news was that Shriekapova was not going to be at this year’s Open. She pulled out citing the ever reliable excuse “shoulder injury.” She has had a most horrible year if one were looking at this year in terms of mental strength. She got torn apart in the Aussie Open semis by LiNaLi then won Indian Wells I think. However, she got dismantled by the Serenanator in Miami and the hits kept on coming. She has yet to beat the Serenanator since 2004 or even come close to beating her and that Miami final was crushing. She lost 10 straight games after being up 6-4 and serving for a 4-2 lead. She made her way back to the French Open final and was merely at the mercy of the Serenanator. At Wimbledon, she showed herself to be a gossip monger and all that backfired when she lost in the 2nd round to some virtual no name Portuguese player.

So I don't know what's going on in my life but I think my problems are close at hand

So what had happened was that I was up in the match and then I woke up eating a bagel in the 3rd set. I completely blacked out. So no I do not remember the Miami incident

The summer thereafter was not so kind. Talk of her being “mentally unstable” ensued in the tennis blogosphere (I for one do not question her sanity. I just question her life choices) and she parted with her coach. She picked up a new one, Jimmy Connors….yeah that Jimmy Connors. Now I heard one BBC commentator put it something like this, “I didn’t think Jimmy knew anything about the women’s game other than perhaps dating Chrissie [Chris Evert].” This partnership did not last longer than “Ms. Janey’s fire” (My mother always say this. I don’t know who Ms. Janey is but apparently, her fires never stay lit.) Maria and Jimmy parted ways after she lost in 3 sets to Sloane Stephens in the 2nd round of Cincinnati. Yep, she won one match this summer. Poor Maria! And on top of all this, she wanted to change her name to Sugapova for the Open. Maria, in the words of the Sassy Gay Friend, “Look at your life! Look at your choices!”

2013 Wimbledon Champ Marian Bartoli

2013 Wimbledon Champ Marian Bartoli

Anyway, Shriekapova is not here (the ESPN tea is beside themselves because who are they going to talk about) and then before all this, Marian Bartoli 28 years old, 2013 Wimbledon champion claimed to have retired from tennis after being bounced early in Montreal I think it was. She said that her body hurt. I mean, I am not trying to be mean here but are we really surprised by this announcement? Look at Bartoli’s body coupled with those insane training regiments that Walter had her doing; I am surprised that she has not had far more serious injuries. However, not the take is that she might not have actually retired because she has not asked the WTA/ITF (International Tennis Federation) to remove her from the rankings. I think she is trying to avoid the pressure one gets having won their maiden major a la Petra Kvitova, Francesca Schiavone, Ana Ivanovic, LiNaLi and others. Anyway, we are not really checking for Marian and whether she is present or not, it does not change the price of eggs because the major will play on.

This is Bartoli at her athletic peak.

This is Bartoli at her athletic peak.

I am not going to take a pick and say who will because things can be very topsy-turvy in the women’s game. I mean, Marian Bartoli won Wimbledon convincingly. Nonetheless, all of the other players are here, Venus and Serena, Vickie Azarenka, Aga Radwanska, Sam Stosur, Petra Kvitova (in body, big as it is, though we question if her spirit is still around) and the other lot of ladies trying to win this million dollar plus purse.

The Serenanator is all dressed for business out here

The Serenanator is all dressed for business out here

The Serenanator is again looking in fine form. Since 2011, she has been coming into the Open in tip top shape and she has an amazing record for the year, 50 and 4 losses. Since working with Patrick M (I cannot spell his last name and I am too lazy to copy and paste it right now), She has had 99 wins and 5 losses in just over a year. Now forgive me for sounding rather crude here but if the rumours are true and they are in fact a couple, Serena gurl, give this man whatever he wants in the bedroom…front and back. The price of your “P” off court is small compared to the payout you have been getting on court.  And I have to say that the Serenanator’s game has really matured. She has better court coverage, MORE patient, better groundstrokes including that forehand wing and just overall a more effective game. Patrick M has yet to teach her how to do a drop shot but that is okay, we cannot have it all.

The Serenanator is ready for these championships

The Serenanator is ready for these championships

Coming off a disappointing Wimbledon, she lost once and to Vickie. This is her 2nd lost to the Belarusian on hardcourt this season and the last one came after she dominated the 1st set and also served for the match in the 3rd. It was a repeat of the 2012 US Open final but only this time, Vickie came out on top. However, this takes the pressure off the American and hopefully “Laquanda” does not show up. Interestingly enough, the Serenanator has not really found her stride with her serving this summer. It is very alarming because she is still dominating but she will need it for this championship. The hardcourts of New York can be very brutal and cheap points are needed.

My perennial fav Venus Ebony Starr Williams

My perennial fav Venus Ebony Starr Williams giving you grandmother upholstery realness

So enough with all this silly talk: What went on yesterday? Well you know my perennial favourite, Venus Williams was in action against the 12th seed Kirsten Flipkens, 2012 Wimbledon semi-finalist. Flipkens beat Venus several weeks ago in Montreal in what basically ruined my birthday. However, yesterday, there was no mucking about from the American over the Belgian. 6-1 6-2. She was on her like white on rice. Aga Radwanska also had a similar scoreline against her opponent. The Serenanator was beyond clinical yesterday, she was surgical. She was really going after Schiavone, 2010 French Open champ, in an attempt at a double bagel. In the first point of the match, the American just flicked her racquet and that ball was arrivederci. She is not mucking about here because Schiavone can be a very tricky player especially when given an inch and she has the stamina of a racehorse. However, yesterday, she was decimated on the court. She had to solicit a hug from one of the ballpeople. Fanz, it was a brutal beatdown for the Italian, one she is unlikely to forget.

Say a lil prayer me! I need love love...

Say a lil prayer me! I need love love…

Thanks Frankie for the nice evening warm up. Gurl you know I had to finish you off quickly because this hair cannot get wet

Thanks Frankie for the nice evening warm up. Gurl you know I had to finish you off quickly because this hair cannot get wet

Sloane Stephens came through a tough 3 setter with a final set tiebreak. She has already put it out there that she does not have much faith in her doing well at the open. 8th seed Angelique Kerber won as did 9th seed Jankovic. Check out the ladies results below to see whether your favourites are through to the next round. The US Open is having 3 days of 1st round matches with a couple of 2nd round match ups being played on Wednesday. Do not ask me the logic for this madness. I do not know why they just do not play on the 1st Sunday.

 

 

E.   Makarova

6

   6
P.   Hercog

2

4

8

A.   Kerber

6

 

6

L.   Hradecka

1

1

M.   Johansson

3

1

B.   Mattek-Sands

6

 

6

1

S.   Williams

6

 

6

F.   Schiavone

0

1

K.   Pliskova

6

4

5

E.   Bouchard

4

 

6

7

G.   Voskoboeva

6

 

6

M.   Niculescu

4

3

9

J.   Jankovic

6

 

6

M. Keys

3

4

E.   Cabeza Candela

1

4

A.   Barty

6

 

6

K. Nara

6

 

6

A.   Cadantu

2

2

P.   Ormaechea

6

 

79

K.   Date-Krumm

3

67

M. Puig

4

 

6

5

A.   Kleybanova

6

3

7

 

 

 

K.   Mladenovic

6

1

6

A.   Medina Garrigues

1

 

6

1

15

S.   Stephens

4

 

6

77

M.   Minella

6

3

65

I. Begu

1

3

U.   Radwanska

6

 

6

K.   Bertens

1

3

J.   Zheng

6

 

6

32

A. Pavlyuchenkova

7

 

6

V.   Razzano

5

0

You are gone Nishikori and yeah you have been forgotten. Ain't nobody was checking for you

You are gone Nishikori and yeah you have been forgotten. Ain’t nobody was checking for you

On the men’s side, things were also pretty routine with the only upset of Kei Nishikori, the 11th seed, to British Dan Evans. But truth of the matter, we were not even checking on Nishikori though a 1st round exit was totally unexpected. I guess we can also call the 27th seed, Fernando Verdasco’s loss to Ivan Dodig another upset. However, considering how he has been playing for the past couple of years, we are gonna withhold the use of that word. It goes without saying that Divadal has been unstoppable at the hardcourt tournaments this year. He has risen back up to No 2 and the knee is still going strong. Other than that inexplicable 1st round exit at Wimbledon, he has made it to all of his tournament finals and only lost two of them. He has 9 titles already this year including a historic 8th French Open title. As always, he comes back from “injury” and just goes on a tear. No one is questioning these remarkable “comebacks” It is all being put down to great genetics etc. Divadal has not had any kinda surgery for this “tender knee” yet he goes back on court and does the same exact thing that allegedly got him and his knee in trouble. It is not my implication that the Spaniard is on drugs. It is just my assertion that the information provided from the Nadal camp does not add up in the least. Nonetheless, the Spaniard is coasting right now because he has no points to defend from last year. He is merely collecting free points at this stage of the game. Anyhow, he totally dominated Ryan Harrison today making that boy look like amateur hour. There will be a couple of those shots that I am sure made it into the highlight reel on ESPN today.

There is "Kneedal" at it again

There is “Kneedal” at it again

Other winners include Fiery Ferrer, Tommy Robredo, Tipsarevic and Davydenko. Mr. Federer’s match was postponed because of rain and the USTA decided to have an hour long pageantry in lieu of playing tennis. These people are the worst organizers ever. They pay more attention to the huge sponsors than to the needs of the players. Anyway, check out the men’s scoreline below. I do apologize for the late affair but PLEASE DO NOT FORGET TO SUPPORT RealzTenisFanz

So before we had any tennis on Monday night, we had to do this...

So before we had any tennis on Monday night, we had to do this…

Then this... He's still making music?? Why??

Then this… He’s still making music?? Why??

And all this too

And all this too

And then finally this... WAY WAY WAY TOO MUCH USTA... How about we have this on Saturday night.. Before the open starts

And then finally this… WAY WAY WAY TOO MUCH USTA… How about we have this on Saturday night.. Before the open starts

S. Giraldo

3

6

78

C. Berlocq

6

3

66

 

19

T. Robredo

6

66

6

M. Matosevic

3

78

3

 

R. Dutra Silva

4

3

711

V. Pospisil

6

6

69

 

 

4

D. Ferrer

7

6

6

N. Kyrgios

5

3

2

R. Haase

65

6

5

F. Dancevic

77

3

7

 R. Bautista Agut

6

6

6

T. Bellucci

3

2

2

A. Kuznetsov

62

3

77

4

D. Sela

77

6

62

6

 

 

 

 

18

J. Tipsarevic

6

65

6

P. Cuevas

3

77

3

2

R. Nadal

6

6

6

R. Harrison

4

2

2

27

F. Verdasco

3

5

6

3

I. Dodig

6

7

1

6

 

 

 

 

R. Williams

3

6

6

0

N. Davydenko

6

4

1

6

 

 

 

30

E. Gulbis

6

2

6

4

A. Haider-Maurer

3

6

1

6

 

 

 

K. De Schepper

77

2

60

B. Klahn

65

6

77

M. Kukushkin

6

77

7

A. Martin

4

62

5

 S. Robert

6

6

6

A. Olivetti

3

3

4

THE BIG PICTURE SHOW

From a nottie...

From a nottie…

To a hottie.. I cannot get over how much wonders make up can achieve!!!

To a hottie.. I cannot get over how much wonders make up can achieve!!!

How this concept

How this concept

Turned into this tragedy is beyond me... Venus take this crap out pronto!!!

Turned into this tragedy is beyond me… Venus take this crap out pronto!!!

What the hell is this??

What the hell is this??

And you went all out with these nails too?? Is this your version of a lady's mid life crisis?

And you went all out with these nails too?? Is this your version of a lady’s mid life crisis?

Sloane is giving you Stepford Wives face right now

Sloane is giving you Stepford Wives face right now

Yes Jesus you continue to guide Dan Evans at these championships... guide him to my home as well Lord.

Yes Jesus you continue to guide Dan Evans at these championships… guide him to my home as well Lord.

And FeFe Lopez you can bend over for me any time you want

And FeFe Lopez you can bend over for me any time you want

Is the fashion world going to convict Stella McCartney for fashion atrocities or do I have to get the World Fashion Court involved? What the flying fercuque is this getup? Why is the Danish Biscuit allowing herself to be dressed like a girl clown?

Is the fashion world going to convict Stella McCartney for fashion atrocities or do I have to get the World Fashion Court involved? What the flying fercuque is this getup? Why is the Danish Biscuit allowing herself to be dressed like a girl clown?

French Open 2013: Jour 7

In Alize Cornet, Grigor Dimitrov, Janko Tipsarevic, Jerzy Janowicz, John Isner, Kei Nishikori, Maria Sharapova, Marion Bartoli, Mikhail Youzhny, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Sam Stosur, Slaone Stephens, Stanislav Wawrinka, Tennis, Tommy Haas, Victoria Azarenka on June 2, 2013 at 8:46 am

Day 7 at the French Open saw the weather cooperating mightily with the French Tennis Federation as the weather was beautiful and so was the tennis. Well at least on the men’s side.

Let’s deal with the ladies: Francesco Schiavone did the world a favour by taking out Marion Bartoli (13) out of these championships. I was tired of seeing her. Usually I am not a big big hater of the Frenchwoman but as of late, she bugs me. I cannot deal with the messiness she brings on court. Schiabone was playing around as she recaptured her 2010/2011 French Open form and dispatched Fatoli 6-2 6-1. There were no heroics from her today and she just had to accept the 2 piece and breadstick with scathing humility.

Schiabone was laying into Bartoli like she was a Christmas ham

Schiabone was laying into Bartoli like she was a Christmas ham. Poor Fatoli could barely stand

Meanwhile, it was not a good day for the other Frenchwoman in the draw, Alize Cornet. Cornet came out strong against Vickie and for a while, she looked like she was about to do it. Ordinarily, Vickie’s serve is not her greatest strength but yesterday, it was providing to be her greatest weakness. She was double faulting like Elena Dementieva aka The Demented One. It was not a pretty sight. Cornet took the 1st set and for half a set it looked like she was really going to cause this upset. However, a cat will always be a cat even when trying to be a dog. You knew it was only a matter of time before she started to act like a French player. Choking, erratic shots, poor serving going for impossible shots and Vickie just jumped all over that one. Cornet was bounced before she knew it 4-6 6-3 6-1 Vickie.

Cornet lost her way half through the match and couldn't find a lifeline for nothing

Cornet lost her way half through the match and couldn’t find a lifeline for nothing

Maria Krazilenko and her compatriot Shriekapova were both tested in their matches but pulled through in the end in straight sets. Krazilenko beat Stephanie Voegele 7-6 7-5 and Shriekapova beat Jie Zheng 6-1 7-5. Krazilenko and Shriekapova will face Bethanie Mattek-Sands and fellow American Slaone Stephens in the Round of 16. Both Americans held it together beautifully to get through their 3rd round opponents. At one point it looked like they might choke it all away but they got their shit together. Mattek-Sands knocked out Paula Ormaechea 4-6 6-1 6-3 and Stephens beat Marina Erakovic of New Zealand 6-4 6-7 6-3 Nice to see the American women stepping it up.

Kvitova is just having a rough time since winning 2011 Wimbledon

Kvitova is just having a rough time since winning 2011 Wimbledon and here comes the waterworks

And speaking of American ladies, Jaime Hampton had one of the biggest wins of her career when she knocked out GHW Kvitova in straight sets no less. I have pointed out that Kvitova is on the walkabout these days. Since her 2011 Wimbledon victory she has been to the moon and deep outer space of tennis badlands. This head witch hardly knows where her head is most matches as she can barely put together a decent match of tennis. Lately her serve is her greatest liability after her head. Hampton capitalised on it all to win 6-1 7-6

American Jaime Hampton

American Jaime Hampton

In other news of upset Sam D’Stove Stosur just got herself bounced from the French after showing such great form. She got dispatched by none other than Fivehead JungleWitch Jankovic. I mean Samantha what the hell? You’re killing Aussi fans with the bullshite. I can’t with you losing 6-3 3-6 4-6 to the likes of Fivehead JungleWitch Jankovic.

Just sucks to be me right now!!

Just sucks to be me right now!!

Fivehead JungleWitch Jankovic is finding herself back

Fivehead JungleWitch Jankovic is finding herself back

On the men’s side, Djoker Harlequeen came out hard against Dimitrov. Whatever notion the Bulgarian was harbouring of causing some kinda improbable win over the Serb as he did in Madrid was quickly dismissed when Djoker dropped that first two piece on his plate. Grigor knew then that Novak was not skylarking with him. This is the majors boo and we do not give out free match wins. No girl, the only thing that is going to be upset out here is your stomach. 6-2 6-2 6-3.

Yeah thanks for coming but I think you need lay off the Sugarpova before you can beat me again

Yeah thanks for coming but I think you need lay off the Sugarpova before you can beat me again

Kohlschreiber was similarly brutal in his match against Hanescu. Bagel and breadstick were toasting in the oven. It was all Hanescu could do in the 2nd set to force a tiebreaker. 6-0 7-6 6-1 Kohlschreiber. Richard Gasquet and Wawrinka both had relatively easy time in their respective encounters. Gasquet took out veteran Davydenko in straight sets 6-4 6-4 6-3 and Wawrinka dismissed up and coming Janowicz in 4 sets 6-3 6-7 6-3 6-3.

BFG Big Friendly Giant was trying to squeak out a 2nd consecutive 5 setter

BFG Big Friendly Giant was trying to squeak out a 2nd consecutive 5 setter. Don’t make that face again

Tommy Haas is having himself a wonderful year this year as he finds himself in the Round of 16 of another major. It has been a while since we have seen Haas in form and seeing as he is 33/34, might not see him on tour for much longer. He took on the hard hitting American BFG. It was a highly competitive match. Haas won the 1st 2 sets followed by Isner winning the next 2. They went all the way in the 5th set. Haas came out on top 7-5 7-6 4-6 6-7 10-8. This was the 2nd 5-setter Isner played and though he does not have the greatest record in these matches, he played valiantly. You have earned Realz Respect, which in these parts means a lot.

Youzhny is a head case. Can he keep it together in the next round vs Haas??

Youzhny is a head case. Can he keep it together in the next round vs Haas??

The Douche got placed in the outhouse!!

The Douche got placed in the outhouse!!

Haas will face Mikhail Youzhny who can be such an inconsistent player (most Russians are) but today he is definitely consistent. He took out Doucharevic in straight sets. I have to say that I am very surprised that Douchie got this far because his form coming into this tournament was very suspect. However, he managed to squeak out two wins in the first two rounds and found himself outplayed by the Russian. Youzhny 6-4 6-4 6-3.

Kei Nishikori. This picture is posted special for fanz who is all about getting on this Kei Fish

Kei Nishikori. This picture is posted special for fanz who is all about getting on this Kei Fish

Kei Nishikori played the Beautiful Benoit who has been playing relatively well these few days. However, Nishikori was all over him throughout the match and though Benoit won the 2nd set, tiebreaker, he played miserably for much of the match particularly in the last two sets. It was though he was erratic on purpose. It is just as well because had he won the match, he would have been facing Divadal. Nishikori 6-3 6-7 6-4 6-1.

Benoit looking like he about to take a dump was most definitely playing shite out on court for much of the match

Benoit looking like he about to take a dump was most definitely playing shite out on court for much of the match

Divadal has looked particularly vulnerable throughout these championships. His serve is breakable, his shots missing and hardly imposing as has been the case through his 7 French Open titles. It might just be that he is at his A- level. However, he is somewhat struggling against mediocre players. He won his match over Fognini in straight sets 7-6 6-4 6-4 but it was hardly a convincing victory. I mean it hard to bet against Divadal at the French; the  man played here for 8 consecutive years and lost only 1 match during the 8 years: IMPRESSIVE. However, never have I seen him look so vulnerable as he has this year. I am not sure what he is going through but if he continues to look this way, someone else might just pull off the upset.

She is pumped and charged to claim her 8th French Open title in 9 years

She is pumped and charged to claim her 8th French Open title in 9 years

A diva is never complete without the proper attire and the right accessories! #divagear

A diva is never complete without the proper attire and the right accessories! #divagear

Oh Fognini what do we have here? How do I see the rest of it?

Oh Fognini what do we have here? How do I see the rest of it?

WTF? Why the hell are you trying to grab my ass? I do not know you like that!

WTF? Why the hell are you trying to grab my ass? I do not know you like that!

Wimbledon 2012: Day 3

In Ana Ivanovic, Andy Roddick, Arantxa Rus, Caroline Wozniacki, David Ferrer, Dominika Cibulkova, Janko Tipsarevic, Kim Clijsters, Klara Zakopolova, Li Na, Maria Sharapova, Milos Raonic, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Sorana Cirstea, Wimbledon on June 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

By the end of the 3rd day today, Wimbledon is severely behind schedule. They barely completed all of the 1st round matches day and there is still 2nd round matches to be completed when a fair amount of the athletes are already in the 3rd round. They spent all that money and only put roof on one court bearing in mind that of all the playing surfaces at majors, this is the only one where play cannot even continue for a point when the first drops of rain fall. However, it is not for me to question the rationale of Wimbledon. I am merely fanz; what do I know? Anyway let’s get to the results…

We might need some refreshments soon!

Mr. Federer came out in most splendid form against the Italian Fognini and I almost want to believe that Mr. Federer can take this crown. It has been three years since he has won Wimbledon and over year since he been to a major final or over 2 years since he won one. This might be ripe for the picking. The Swiss dispatched Fognini 6-1 6-3 6-2 in about an hour and 12 minutes. The world’s number one, playing the last match of the day because of the rain, seemingly struggled against American Ryan Harrison 6-4 6-4 6-4. I do not know about anyone else but the Serb is looking less and less invincible these days. He is making his effort look like work whereas in Lord Dirt Divadal and Mr. Federer’s days of glory, they were crushing lesser men like ants beneath their feet. He, on the other hand is all over the place. His year has not been stellar and though he is winning match, he is definitely going about it the long way and might lose his top ranking should Mr. Federer win the title. However, we are far off from the finals. There are a lot of matches to be played.

He even falls gracefully!

Janko Tipsarevic who I commonly refer to as Sexarevic might be getting a name change. I have been informed by a fanz no less, that he is not a fan of the gays. Oh No Janko! No bueno indeed. I sorta think this is rather rich of Mr. Tipsarevic especially since he is always hanging off D’Joker d!*% but you did not hear that from me. Anyway, he won his match in 4 sets. He is really trying to be a permanent feature of the top ten but I fear that that is far as he will go. This Serb does not have what it takes to get to the top 6 much more really be a contender for majors  Also winning in 4 sets were Juan Monaco and Nicolas Almagro.Richard Gasquet won his match and will join his countryman Julien Benneteau in the 3rd round.

Ruben Bemelsman from Belgium lost to Gasquet… let’s take a moment to ponder on this phyne specimen and look upon his name because I sure would be his man any day of the week

In uncompleted 1st round matches, David Ferrer took out Dustin Brown of German in straight sets 7-6 6-4 6-4. Now I do not have anything against Mr. Brown…as a matter of fact, I follow him on Twitter and this is the source of my grievance. Now, after his lost, he took to Twitter as if he were spreading the gospel. I got to know everything he was about to do. He felt good that he lost in straight sets he said and then began retweeting all the nonsensical tweets from others. I figured he had won a set or something….really Dustin. You can do better than that. You lost in the first round of the tournament. I guess he is happy that this was an actual tour level tournament and not some challenger or satellite event. He is moving on to doubles where I am sure he will also lose in the 1st round. Anywho, I digress. Milos Raonic aka Dennis the Menace also won as did Jurgen Meltdown Melzer who took out Swiss’s Stanislav Wawrinka in 5 sets 8-6 in the 5th. Ivo Karlovic moved on to the 2nd round as Victor Troicki found himself in yet another 5set match and was again able to win it to move on to the 3rd round. Ernests Gulbis who upset the 7th seed Tomas Berdych lost in the 2nd round 7-9 in the 5th set to Jerzy Janowicz of Poland. There goes that potential unfulfilled like I figured.

boo, you didn’t win. So stop tweeting about losing!

On the women’s side, the biggest “shocker” of the day was Danish Biscuit crumbling yet again early in a major when Tamira Paszek won 5-7 7-6 6-4. Coming into the grass court season which in essence started two weeks ago, Paszek had won two matches for the year. Yep 2 as in the number after 1 and before 3. Now, she picked up the Eastbourne title beating Fatoli in the final and in the 2nd round of Wimbledon after knocking out the 7th seed. Danish Biscuit said in her press conference that Paszek got “lucky” and of course the press let that go. Had it been one of the Williams sisters to have used that word in the press conference, the story would have been different.

Gosh darn it. She got lucky to save two match points. Lady Luck you sure not playing nice tonight

But anyway, it is laughable that the Dane is speaking of luck in such low regard because the fact of the matter is that she is the one who was lucky. Her style of play though paltry, allowed her to rise to number one in the world. She has not one single weapon of worth in her arsenal and this year has been struggling mightily. She said her disgustingly public relationship with Rory Mcilory is not to be blamed for this “slump.” Meanwhile he has failed to make the final cut in 4 of his last 5 tournaments. Yes, you are right Danish Biscuit, it is not to be blamed in the least. Do not forget that he already has a major and you do not. I am so over the Danish Biscuit and her camp nonsense. They continue to be blind to her weaknesses but they shall soon learn that the tour has no use for weaklings and very soon Danish Biscuit will be struggling to stay in the top 20 and float around with the likes of Fivehead Jungle Witch Jankovic.

Lucky you lost. You can go meet Rory to wish him luck at his next tournament

Clijsters aka Mommie Dearest is looking to be in form or at least her “health” is holding up thus far. She moves through to the 3rd round with a straight sets victory. Joining her would be Krazilenko, Sara Errani (through to the 2nd round) and Vera Zvonavera. Other winners included Heather Watson of Britain (who will not play Olympic singles but doubles…really England?) as she took out American Jaime Lee Hampton, Bratzwanska over Vesnina and Julia Georges over Shahar Peer. They all won in straight sets. Camila Giorgi who took out Flavia Penne Pasta in the 1st round, made great opportunity of her win and moved through to the 3rd round, also in straight sets. Sloane Stephens also through to the 3rd round as is Sabine Lisicki. Ivanovic The Terrible won her 1st round match though she made sloppy work of it playing Maria Jose Martinez-Sanchez or as a fanz is so quick to refer to her as, “Dirty Sanchez” My word…these fanz can be quite vicious when given half a chance.

Yeah Ivanovic the Terrible won a match!

Someone called the repairman because this stove is broken

There were several upsets though in truth one might see them quite differently. Sam Stosur aka D’Stove made another early exit from a major. The 5th seed lost to Aranxta Rus 2-6 6-0 4-6 as she felt the disdain that the Dutch has for current US Open winner a la 2010 when Rus just dismantled Mommie Dearest in the 2nd round of the French. Rus is really finding her stride as of late.

Pretty perfect today!

LiNaLi, the 11th seed lost again early, this time to Soriana Cirstea aka Draculetta 6-3 6-4. The Chinese has really lost the plot since her 2011 French Open title. Very disappointing if I do say so myself. 2012 French Open quarterfinalist, Dominika Cibuttkova, the 13th seed, lost to perhaps another rising star Klara Zakopalova (the only person to take a set off Shriekapova at the French) 6-4 6-1. For loyal fanz, Granny Goodness Date-Krumm lost her 1st round match as well.

I left my game back in China.

Draculetta sunk into LiNaLi and drained her on court

Your highness and bitchress this way please! M’am mind you don’t trip over your sagging sacks. Might I suggest a different brasserie? One that actually lifts and separates?

Are you a Negress? I have never been this close to a person of colour. How absolutely fascinating.

And you say you look like this because you work out at the gym? Oh Charley poo…Boo, you gonna get you some of those P90X videos or mamma might be leaving for a buff man.

Yeah, we have been getting complaints. We want you to shut your bloody pie hole you screaming banshie!!

Realz you can talk smack all you want….my manz be blinging me out…what do you have? Just like I thought…nothing… Don’t hate the playa because this fat gurl can werq it.

I am rarely ever impressed with most tennis players shirtless pic… Exhibit A

Exhibit B. You better put that shirt back on

Now these are BODIES… Aussie swim team…at least some of them but that’s more than enough for me. They’re giving me Olympic fever!!!!

Yes m’am you werq the shore! Werq! Werq! Show us those water pumps!

Wimbledon 2012: Day 1

In Agnes Radwanska, Angelique Kerber, Arantxa Rus, Carla Suarez Narravo, Fernando Verdasco, Flavia Pennetta, Janko Tipsarevic, Jelena Jankovic, John Isner, Juan Monaco, Kim Clijsters, Melanie Oudin, Na Li, Novak Djokovic, Richard Gasquet, Roger Federer, Sam Stosur, Slaone Stephens, Tomas Berdych, Tsvetana Pironkova, Venus Williams, Wimbledon on June 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Well the 1st day of Wimbledon 2012 has been completed and in an effort to not get behind, we will get right to the action. I am not sure if there is anything that needs to be mention other than. Check out RealzTenisFanz on Twitter, Facebook as well as COMMENT on the blog! Yes spread the word. I am also looking for a logo/design or some insignia. The only sort of art I can create usually end up looking like fart. Nonetheless, I really think we could do with a cool design. So if you know anyone, I welcome submissions. Of course, I cannot pay you but you will be featured forever on the website.

Yeah gurl for realz! They need a logo so if you know someone who knows someone who knows someone, let them know and send submissions. Might make a contest out of it!

So to the tennis:
Let’s start off with the men’s

Don’t hate me cause I got the walk that everyone talks about!

Defending Champion D’Joker Harlequeen got things off against Juan Carlos Ferrero, 2003 French Open Champion and 2003 US Open runner-up. When last we saw the Serb, he was reeling from that French Open loss to Lord Dirt Divadal. Now, in that final, his serve failed him miserably. It was almost appalling to think that he had got that far with such little effort. However, at the start of these championships, he looked rather stellar in the serving department. Now, JC Ferrero aka Ferrero Rocher, as aptly named by one of the fanz, is a mere shadow of his former self and grass was never his favourite surface. I secretly think that Ferrero Rocher’s problem is that he felt that he was the original Spanish Diva until that usurper in Lord Dirt Divadal came along. His career took a dive because of his inner struggles with envious demons but that is just me. Do not go spreading this around. Ferrero Rocher was a major talent back in the days and he was one of the first Spanish guys who were willing to learn to play on other surfaces other than clay. Anyhow, we are digressing and we are already behind. Anyway, D’Joker did not waste much time in dispatching him 6-3 6-3 6-1.

6 feet of Spanish chocolate with nut all over it 🙂 Mmm Mmm good! Ferrero Rocher

Mr. Federer was looking like every bit the 6 time Wimbledon champion that he is with a 6-1 6-1 6-1 victory over Spanish lefty Albert Ramos. If only Mr. Federer dismissed all Spanish lefty in this manner. These championships, I think will be very monumental in Mr. Federer’s legacy. I am afraid this might be the only legitimate chance he has of winning another major crown. He is a strong number 3 in the world; a very formidable opponent. However, he is getting old and his match skills are not as pristine as they were in the past. He commits far too many unforced errors. Nonetheless, if Mr. Federer were to win these championships, he gets back his number one ranking and surpasses Pete Sampras for most weeks at number one. There is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Federer is going for it all this year. He might talk of playing on till 2016 but I doubt that. He should be home with his daughters and so that Mirka can have time to get back to the gym and work out. Perhaps she might consider coming back on the WTA.

Swinging through his match

Anyway, other winners include Richard Gasquet, Xavier Malisse aka X-tra Large, Mikhail Youzhny over American Donald Young, Tabasco Verdasco and Janko Sexarevic who took out David Nalbandian in straight sets. He will join his countryman Troicki who won 8-6 in the 5th set in his first round encounter. Shark Boy Stepanek also won as did Baby Jesus Juan Manaco or should I say, Mrs. Nadalaco. Frenchman Gilles Simon moved on to the 2nd round when his fellow Frenchman Paul-Henri Mathieu pulled out after being down 3-6 4-5. Now, Simon in his press conference had nothing to talk about it seems, so instead of showing off his chicken legs, he showed off his bird brains. He spoke of the fact that he did not think that men and women should be paid the same amount during slams as men are required to play best of 5 sets as oppose to women playing 3.

Oooo brain fart!

Now, I would have given his stance more credence if he himself had completed at least 2 sets to move into the 2nd round. Am I to ask for my money back or halve his prize money because he did not win 3 sets? We are not even going to deal with that right now. What I do not understand is why people are still talking about this. Why at this stage in tennis era is the likes of Simon who is not even a major factor on tour, will chose this sorta forum to talk about this matter. Now, mind you, the ATP has issues that he is ignoring and could be talking about in press conference but instead, he shows himself to be a sexist half-witted tennis player. What is even worse is that even if they were to offer a trillion dollars to the men, Simon is not seeing any of that money. He is as likely to win a major as I am to sprout a vagina. Really I went there.

Pardon me as I say something stupid

If Simon did not have anything intelligent to say, why not just shut his mouth and moved on? Talk about the Olympics etc? I wish the journalist would have shut him up right then and there. However, this is “news” in their mind and they will run with it for the next two weeks. I assure you Simon, news of Shriekapova winning her 4th slam several weeks ago made more headlines than Divadal picking up his 7th French Open title. So, perhaps you should shut your rass and actually learn to play on grass. See this is why people say shite about the French but he is lucky I am not one of those because I know a few choice mots en français for the Frenchman.

Lurch Berdshyte crashes out of a major again in spectacular fashion

Anyway, in an effort to not digress, I will finish giving you the newz. So several big losers were shown on the 1st day including two giants; Tomas Berdych aka Lurch Berdshyte and John Isner aka BFG (Big Friendly Giant). They were both sent packing having come into these championships with some buzz behind them. Lurch lost in straight sets, 3 tiebreakers no less, to Ernests Gulbis, whereas BFG lost to Alejandro Falla who almost knocked Mr. Federer out in the 1st round of Wimbledon in 2010. Falla won 6-4 6-7 3-6 7-6 7-5. Again I am going to say it; BFG needs to learn how to break serve. I am tired of seeing him losing matches in this effort. He has a wonderful serve that much is true. However, his inability to be more aggressive on his return game is really hampering him. I guess the fact that Isner lost, it does not make the fact that James Blake lost as well look so bad. I think this might be the final year for the American. His struggles have been long and arduous. He should bring this one to a close. It is a shame the US are not giving him a spot on the Olympic team when he came so close to winning a medal in Beijing if that cheating skank Fernando Gonzalez had owned up to his folly.

As with those locks, so you should cut off your professional tennis career. Bid it adieu. They were only cute for a minute.

On the ladies side, I guess the biggest news was really that Venus aka Russ Troll lost against Elena Vesnina 1-6 3-6. Now, I am not going to make any excuses for the American who herself said that she is satisfied with her performance though she admitted that she came back too soon. She congratulated the Russian on her victory and got in reporters face when they claimed she was struggling. Russ Troll was not having any of that negativity in her press conference. Anyway, she gets a second chance at life as the US just announced the Olympic team and she and her sister will be entered in both the singles and doubles event.

At least I get free towels.

Shriekapova, fresh off her French Open victory, got through her opponent 6-2 6-3 as did British hopeful Heather Watson. Other winners include Sam Stosur, D’Stove who just dismantled Spaniard Carla Suarez-Navarro. While we are on the subject of Carla, cannot anyone really do something about this child? I have long suggested that they make her grow her hair out as well as add some bows, ribbons and girlish clips to it. However, no one is taking heed. It is really sad to look upon this child. Spain should be ashamed of itself having the men looking far better cared for than its women.

Lady Hobbit

One of the more interesting match ups of the tournament was Mommie Dearest aka Princess Fiona aka Kim Clijsters vs Five Head Jungle Witch Jankovic. Fivehead is struggling to get at least one head in the game as her tennis woos continue. The 18th seed is out and Mommie Dearest goes on to the 2nd round in her quest for her 1st Wimbledon title. She is set to retire once more. This will be her “last” Wimbledon she claims. However, she is still plagued with “injuries”

Mommie Dearest and Fivehead Jungle Witch

Anyway, other winners were Losicki, Krazilenko, Carebear Kerber, Fatrova, Creature Rus, Sloane Stephens, LiNaLi, Pironkova and Draculetta Cirstea. Americans Vania King and Melanie Oudin were knocked out as was 16th seed Flavia Pennetta. Jaime Lee Hampton of the US knocked out Daniella Hepburnova 6-4 7-6. There might be some depth to the American ladies in the next coming years. I almost forgot, Bratzwanska won her match and would have face Russ Troll had she won.

It is a shame you won’t be around Russ Troll because I rather liked this outfit!

 

French Open 2012: Round of 16 Update Days 8 and 9

In Andreas Seppi, Angelique Kerber, Arantxa Rus, David Ferrer, David Goffin, Dominika Cibulkova, French Open, Janko Tipsarevic, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Juan Martin Del Potro, Kaia Kanepi, Klara Zakopolova, Li Na, Marcel Granollers, Maria Sharapova, Na Li, Nicolas Almagro, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Roger Federer, Sara Errani, Serena Williams, Slaone Stephens, Sports Blog, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Tennis, Tomas Berdych, Varvara Lepchenko, Victoria Azarenka, Yaroslava Shevedova on June 5, 2012 at 7:39 am

In an effort to get our lives together and up to date, there will not be a full edition posting for the Round of 16 results. Very unfortunate I know.

You got peaches and creamed out here!

World no.1 Vickie Azarenka decided to hire Amelie Mauresmo to prepare for the French Open. I do not know who told her that this was a bright idea. I do not know if she wanted a tour guide or a translator or something because it was not the ideal of partnership. Anyway, Vickie lost in the Round of 16 and would inevitably lose her number 1 ranking. Dominika Cilbulkova was just on fire from the beginning of the match and rightfully took the match 6-2 7-6. Cilbukova has twice been in the winning position against Vickie and both matches as recent as Miami this year. However, she held her own and got her life right on the big stage here at Roland Garros. In an interview, she all but said that she was not afraid of the Vickie serve. Vickie, I told you that that shite would not get it done out here. And the competition at Wimbledon is only going to get tougher!

Finally I did it when it really counted!

American Slaone Stephens did not fair well against D’Stove. She served for the 1st set but failed to close it out only to have the Aussie come back roaring. The Aussie found herself unable to close out the match on her own serve but broke the American to move into another quarterfinals at Roland Garros. She is a dangerous floater. 7-5 6-4!

Easy workout! Now I can relax and watch some L word on tv as well as check out what’s on sale at Home Depot!

Sara Errani with her massive cranium is playing smart tennis!

Kuzi_Rex was a complete let down. Absolutely abysmal in her play but then again she is Russian. She lost to Italian Sara Errani 6-0 7-5! Words cannot describe how I felt about this result at all. Anyway, congrats to the Italian for moving into another quarterfinals in a major. She will play Angelique Kerber who took out Croat Petra Matic 6-3 7-5!

I became extinct out on court!

Carebear Kerber! Does this colour make me look like a girl?

She flopped like a chicken wing!

LiNaLi should be punished severely. I am all for corporal punishment…at the very least, someone should go all Bruce Lee on her @$$. She just has these complete meltdown on court and throws away matches. I do not know why you could not have suffered such fates at the 2008 Olympics and the 2009 Australian Open when you played Ebony Starr. Just digusting. She was up against Shevedova 6-3 and then only won 2 more games for the rest of the match. 3-6 6-2 6-0. Congrats to Shevedova but LiNaLi I will never root for you again.

The Chinese wall crumbles and I take over

World No. 4 GHW silently overcame her opponent Varvara Lepchenko 6-2 6-1 ending the American dream run at the French. Incidentally, Lepchenko sealed an Olympic spot as she just moved ahead of Stephens.

Winning can be an ugly and unfashionable business!

Kaia Kanepi representing Sesame Street

Kaia Kanepi followed up her upset of the Danish Biscuit by moving passed Arantxa Rus 6-1 4-6 6-0 and is definitely showing excellent form in that latter stages of this tournament. Let’s see if she hold on to this form because I believe she can beat Shriekapova who got by a tougher showing than expected from Klara Zakapalova 6-4 6-7 6-2! However, Kanepi will face shots with more pace though she will be able to tee off some very easy serves and free points from the Russian’s double faults.

Itch you point that finger out one more time for my shots, I am going to get all Serenanantor on you in a minute! Don’t fcuk with me out here!

On the men’s side. The top half made a mess of their draw but the usual suspect came through in the end.

Can’t stop me now!

D’Joker struggled past Seppi though I will admit that he never for a moment looked panicky on court. He looked as fresh as a daisy as he walked on by 4-6 6-7 6-3 7-5 6-3! There goes my theory about his fitness level being in question. Maybe, he really is saving himself for this tournament because he wants this one badly and so does Divadal, Mr. Federer and Lochness Monster.

Thanks for the workout and the free feel you nice Italian beefcake. You gonna let me have a sip of your Seppi later on?

Yeah go jog! You need the exercise more than I do.

It took Baby Ali two days to get past Fatanka and for a while I did not think he was going to get the job done. He was up two sets 6-4 7-6 but allowed the Swiss to get back into the match and take the next two 3-6 3-6. Leading 4-2 before the called the end of play for the day, Baby Ali was broken early resumption of play. However, I do not know whether Fatanka got too cute for school but the frigger was feeling himself a lil bit too much. Perhaps he thought he was Mr. Federer but he became playing silly shots and lost the match 4-6 in the 5th set. Now, word to the French, you all should not put so much pressure on the athletes. It can be a bit too much playing in front of your home country, family, friends and the president of the Federation. I mean relax a bit. Baby Ali only has to play D’Juggernaut for a place in the semis. That is pressure enough.

See back at the locker room!

Big boys do cry!

Meanwhile, Mr. Federer was just all over the place against the Hobbit who I swear gives me the willies. He looks a lil stalkerish. Talking about how he got Mr. Federer’s poster up on his wall in his bedroom. Ewwww Ewww. We do not share such things in public. He was even wearing Mr. Federer’s shoes and for a while, it looked like he was Mr. Federer as the real one was off shopping in his mind or something. He has dropped a set in his last three matches. However, he did enough to get the job done 5-7 7-5 6-2 6-4

Watch your back Mr. Federer! Single white male up in here! I like his hair… looks so fresh and clean.

Beast Boy vs Lurch promised to be a really exciting match up and in the beginning it was. They were very even stevens though Lurch had many break points opportunities, which he failed to convert. In the end, Beast Boy took the 1st set 7-6. Then he began complaining about his knee though he was whacking away at it in frustration with his racquet. No bueno senor! Anyway, Lurch took the 2nd set 6-1 and he began playing birdshite out there. I mean it is remarkable just how talented the Czech is but yet fails to be more success on tour. The match was suspended after Beast Boy won the 3rd set 6-3 and next day, the Argentine was still roaring with a 4-2 lead. However, though birdshite got things back on serve again, he got the willies and lost the match 5-7 in the 4th set.

The Big Bird is through to another French Open quarterfinals!

Fiery Ferrer was just blazing with his hot self

Three Spanish men are left in the draw Divadal, Nicolas Almagro and Fiery Ferrer and they remain the only players left in the draw who has not dropped a set. Fiery Ferrer just burnt up his countryman Crunch Granola 6-3 6-2 6-0 where as Almagro, though wearing yellow was not afraid of the black clad Sexsarevic 6-4 6-4 6-4. However, Almagro will face Divadal yet again in the quarters of the French. Divadal just @$$ fcuked Baby Jesus on court without any lube 6-2 6-0 6-0. It was utterly embarrassing if you ask me. The press would be all over this if this were women’s tennis. Anyway, Divadal could not have asked for a better present than having his boytoy for his Round of 16 opponent. Juan Monaco, if you continue to play these types of matches against top player, I would have to reconsider seriously any prospects of there being a future for you and I. I do not mingle with punks or OPP (other people’s property) Taking Divadal’s sloppy seconds is one thing I can deal with but us dating and you are still his itch! No, I will not have the Spanish diva holding that one over my head. I do not care if you lose but just do so with effort. If you ask me, it was a definite tank out there and you should be fined for lack of effort.

Haappy Birthday to me! And I send out 2 Love and Love to my Juanny M

It was like Easter all over again. He got crucified only this time, he did not rise again!

And this red sea for parted!

Gasquet vs Lochness Monster promised to be an epic match but I know the French and I do not trust the French in sports to say the least. Several years ago, Gasquet had a 2 set and a break lead over the Scot at Wimbledon, only to relinquish it. So when he won the 1st set 6-1 and looked like he was the better player, I knew not to get my hopes up. He was 4-4 in the 2nd set when the Frenchman saw it fit to lose the next 7 games in a row. He only won three more games for the match. Lochness Monster comes through 1-6 6-4 6-1 6-2! It is times like this that I really appreciate Baby Ali because though he might not be the most talented Frenchman out there, he will continue to be the most successful because of his mental fortitude and knowing that you always bring your A game to the big matches and NEVER EVER be afraid of the Big 4!

Gotcha! Think you were going to walk all over me! I’m a motherfcuking monster!!!

So on Day 10 the match ups are on the ladies: Cilbuttkova vs D’Stove and Sara Errani (aka Alien vs Predator head) taking on Carebear Kerber. I see Kerber moving on but a tough match up between Cibuttkova and D’Stove. If Dominika plays her game, she wins but D’Stove is a very dangerous opponent and she is now becoming a regular feature in the latter parts of majors. She was suppose to win in 2010 so perhaps she is coming to claim what was suppose to be hers ages ago.

On the men’s side. D’Joker Harlequeen vs Baby Ali: D’Joker without a doubt and its Mr. Federer vs Beast Boy. Mr. Federer has beaten the Argentine like 4-5 times this year already. However, Mr. Federer is looking as sloppy as Andy Roddick so I would not be surprise if there is an upset here! This will clearly be the match up of the day!

Beast Boy vs Mr. Federer in a major part trois. (I might be wrong about this)

So we are on schedule back again! Look out later on for a special posting from a guest contributor about the extracurricular of the one and only Serenanator!

2012 French Open: The Fifth Day

In Agnes Radwanska, Andy Murray, Arantxa Rus, Bernard Tomic, David Ferrer, David Goffin, Francesca Schiavone, Grigor Dimitrov, Janko Tipsarevic, Jelena Jankovic, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, John Isner, Klara Zakopolova, Li Na, Maria Sharapova, Na Li, Paul-Henri Mathieu, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Virginie Razzano on June 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

So we are barely in the 2nd round and there are no Williams sisters: Hmmm. This might be the beginning of the end for the sisters. However, I am not going to count them out. They are still more than capable of playing the type of tennis that can win majors and get their fan base excited again. Are other American ladies going to step up to the plate now? Nonetheless, there were 128 ladies who started this tournament so there are a lot of other girls to talk about.

I have been brewing up some spells for this one and I intend to cast them at this tournament

Petra Kvitova aka GHW is showing good form thus far and might be able to do something here if she gets her act together. She is capable doing great walkabouts in matches. She would be a point from victory and then inexplicable start making errors as if that were the original game plan. The WTA really needs to rethink their policy about no juniors on tour because like I have said, these young guns are mostly shooting blanks. Anyway, she took on Urszula Radwanska the younger and I daresay better looking sister of Bratzwanska. Unfortunately, Urszula plays like a sea urchin. She has nowhere near the talent or court skills of her sister. She should hang with big sister more often though. Anyway, GHW was all Bellatrix on court as she just blasted the Pole 6-1 6-3.

The Radwanska sisters

Schiabone also came through though in 3 sets. For almost a set and a half, Pironkova (Ebony Starr’s kryptonite) looked like she was going to put a stop to Schiabone’s French Open success but you know the Italian loves the heroics. She won comfortable in the end 2-6 6-3 6-1. Her backhand is most deadly on clay and she is a great mover with great court sense. As much as I am not a fan of the Italian bambino, she is definitely confident about her game.

Schiabone might be on her way to a third successive French Open final

Other winners include, defending champion LiNaLi who just dispatched French opponent 6-0 6-2, showing the world how is it that she won a major and might quite possibly win again. Arantxa Rus (pronounced Rue if I am not mistaken) from the Netherlands created some stir her last year when she just blasted the Belgian Mommie Dearest from the court. Kim was serving for the match I think up 5-2 when all of a sudden she had a brain diarrhea and allowed the Dutch to get back into the match and take the match. I know one of Kimmie’s biggest fanz was not pleased with this result. He refers to her as that “Rus creature” I have to agree to a certain extent because last year she looked like somewhat anorexic. Anyway, it seems that she was filled out this year and found her stride again at the French Open. She took on Virginie Razzano who took out the Serenanator couple of days ago. Rus having been given a draw without a Serenanator, took full advantage and dismissed Razzano like the low ranked player she is. She did not mess around. She stayed focus and played her game, which looked rather impressive at times 6-3 7-6. However, consistency is the name of the game on the WTA and few players are that these days. Julia Goerges (25) beat British Heather Watson and joins her countrywoman Carebear Kerber (10) in the 3rd round.

2011 French Open Champion

American Christina McHale beat fellow American Lauren Davis and is through to the 3rd round of the French for the 1st time. Also through were Kaia Kanepi (23) and Anastasia Pavlyunchenkova aka Fattychunkova (22). By way of upsets, Maria Krazilenko (16) is out as is the 19th seed Fivehead Jungle Witch. I cannot tell the last time this girl won two matches in a row. She might want to find new coaching or something. She most definitely is out of it as of late. She lost to the American Varvara Lepchenko who just played well within herself and kept cool on pressure. Very impressive win by my standard. Anyway, enough of the ladies to the menz:

Fiveheads and not one of them can help me win 2 matches back to back

Now I am not going to lie, I am not an Andy Murray aka Lochness Monster fan. I do not like his vibe. I think he is cocky piece of work who really and truly has a weiner. Anyway, as much as I admire his tennis talents, (amazing backhand especially down the line, his fitness and his deft hands at net) I cannot stand his on court attitude. He is always spluttering around like a child, cursing and irritable as hell. In short, I really think he is just immature and cannot hang with the top 3. Hence, why he is miles away from them in the rankings. Anyway, in his 2nd round match, he played Jarkko Nieminen of Finland and Jarkko came out blazing, hitting the corners and playing aggressively on the big points and it was all playing dividend. The Finn went up 4-0. Now, Lochness Monster called for the trainer for his back before the changeover. I do not understand how the umpire allowed this to happen. Of course, this is because it is one of the big boys on tour. Anyway, this broke, Nieminen’s concentration and he was broken 4-1. Now comes the changeover and another massage on court for the Scot. This is some bullshite. Anyway, the Finn won the set 6-1 but you know this good fortune was about to run out. Lochness Monster came roaring back to win the match 1-6 6-4 6-1 6-2. Now mind you that Nieminen had his chances especially in the 2nd set, I really cannot get over how Nessie just pulled that sorta bullshite in the 1st set. He always go for these types of histrionics at majors to speak of his physical prowess but when it comes to the big matches, he is as weak as water. The wanker! Anyway, Nieminen is not that good of a player to beat the Scot on a good day but still he did not deserve that sort of underhand play. Furthermore, Lochness Monster was roaring all the time and no one called a hindrance against him. Can I get a sexist? Can I get an Amen?

We take care of the menz out here! He needs a back rub, he needs a back rub.

Anyway, Baby Ali came through in 4 sets to remain France’s strongest hope of winning a major, as did Richard Gasquet as he defeated hottie Delicious Dimitrov. Dimitrov won the 1st set but could not sustain the high level of play needed to defeat a skilled player as Gasquet. Divadal was impressive as ever as he took out Denis Istomin 6-2 6-2 6-0. Divadal is looking as confident as ever on his forte surface. He is playing like the D’Juggernaut out here. Seemingly unstoppable. I really cannot imagine anyone winning three sets off him at this tournament yet I do not think his 7th French Open title is a foregone conclusion. However, my feelings around things are just feelings and not foregone conclusions themselves. So we shall see at the end of next weekend. Other winners included Fiery Ferrer (6), Tipsarevic (5)aka Sexsarevic, Almagro (12), Youzhny (27), the young up and coming Milos Raonic from Canada (19) and Baby Jesus Juan Monaco (13). There were no real upsets on the men’s per se other than Viktor Troicki (28) lost to Fabio Fognini but I am not upset by this because Fognini is a hottie and Troicki ain’t all that. I rather watch the Italian than the Serb…..though I confess that this is not always the case. Anywho that concludes all of day 5 action…

Apparently you picking up where D’Joker left off with these stupid tacky designs? Good thing you are Sexsarevic

Wait a minute. I cannot believe that I almost concluded this edition and not mention the biggest match of the tournament if not the longest match. John Isner aka BFG (Big Friendly Giant) found himself in yet another marathon match with a Frenchman, Paul-Henri Mathieu. BFG has played his way up to number 10 in the world and shows himself to be apt to big boy status. He is working tremendously hard on his game and I admire him for that. However, he is not supposed to be in these long protracted matches. He is taking a play out of Mr. Brooklyn Decker’s book; ie, worry only about your serve and do not worry so much about the return. The law of average states that one cannot hit monster serves every single time. There are bound to be misses. That is what happens when one builds his game only on serves. They do not know how to return and get to break points. Mathieu on the other hand kept plugging away and sure enough if you keep at it, you will hit. BFG took the 1st in a tiebreak but lost sets 2 and 3 to the Frenchman 4-6 4-6. BFG showed some stuff in set 4 and won 6-3.

BFG in full monster swing!

Listen mofos, I am not sitting my fat @$$ on that chair for days to watch you all play shite tennis for days. There will be no Wimbledon here. So you better take your pregnant looking yellow and blue ass and finish this match today.

Now it is in set 5 that things got really interesting. Mathieu served first, which gave him the advantage if he always hold serve because once at 5-4, Isner will be under pressure to serve to stay in the match. He did so nearly 14 times if my calculations are correct, saving several match points along the way. However, he started to look tired and near cramping. He also never really put in much effort to breaking the Mathieu. I am not sure what it was that he expected to happen if he was not trying to make something happen. In the end however, the Frenchman proved to be stronger both mentally and physically. He got the set 18-16. BFG would do well to work on both his fitness and return game because to do so would see his ranking rise.

Holla back babe. One for the French

You didn’t look so tall from the other end!

BIG PICTURE SHOW

Hotties

Arantxa Rus. I think Ken got Barbie high in Holland and she left the love child over there.

If you are in fact a creature… you are without a doubt a very lovely creature

Klara Zakopalova is clearly beautiful

How many licks to get to the center of my tootsie pop?

Though a bit of a butter face, we never hate on the skinny itches especially those with washboard stomach (You might want to stay out in the sun more often without a shirt)

Notties

Look like a man and think like a lady! I’m telling you, it is the secret to my success.

Just in time for theatrical release this Belgian tennis star is..

Bringing classic literature to the big screen…David Goffin is

Mixed Bag

There have been a lot of questionable outfits on tour but I think one might have to be called an enigma..

I am all for equal rights to the disable and everything but I mean if you are blind can you really play tennis?

Girl I could have sworn I put that tampon in here. Well you better hurry up because clay isn’t going to be the only thing red around here!

This is Laura Flessel. She is an Olympic Fencer and will be the flag bearer for France at the London Games and decided to catch a lil tennis. So Laura gurl, the shoes is a bit much but what is even more egregious is that you wearing sandals and you didn’t lotion those paws! Come on gurl..we know better. No Bueno!

I wonder if he would give me his number after the match!

RE-JECTED!

SEXY TIME WITH LOCHNESS MONSTER

Foreplay

Stretching the back? Or so it seems. Now you see the hands

Now you don’t see one of the hands…skills!

Finish it off here!

BABY ALI not to be OUTDONE

Yes M’am! My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!

Shake that thing! Ms. Annabella shake that thing!

 

 

2012 French Open: Day 3

In Andy Murray, Angelique Kerber, Caroline Wozniacki, Christina McHale, David Ferrer, Donald Young, Francesca Schiavone, French Open, Janko Tipsarevic, Maria Sharapova, Mikhail Youzhny, Milos Raonic, Nicolas Mahut, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Richard Gasquet, Serena Williams, Tennis, Virginie Razzano on May 30, 2012 at 7:55 am

And the Serenanator’s batteries are draining!

What a day! What a day! O What a day! Who would have thought or even predicted this outcome. The Serenanator was knocked out of the 1st round of a major by the likes of Virginie Razzano? Really? 6-4 6-7 3-6! The Serenanator was 2 points from victory and let it slip away. I knew the demons might resurface despite her coming into the French with excellent preparation. But I did not think they would appear so early. Unfortunately, this frantic-form Serenanator is becoming all too common place in majors. 2012 Australian Open, 2011 US Open, 2011 Wimbledon and 2009 US Open. It is almost like an alien force takes over and the Serenanator is making errors left, right and center. At times, it looks like some cruel puppetmaster took over discombobulating the 13-time major champion.

Like I know what the fcuk went on out there! You saw the match, you tell me? And wouldn’t you know who was there?

Frigging Eva Asderaki. I’m about to get a restraining order because this is getting ridiculous now. Eva: Let’s see who is ugly on the inside now?

This is definitely not the Serenanator that the world has come to respect. Nevertheless, the Serenanator should not feel any shame in this loss. All of the greats have suffered surprising first round defeats (Steffi, Navratilova, Hewitt, Federer, Hingis even her sister Ebony Starr). However, Serenanator, I do offer you this bit of advice, you need to talk to a sports psychologist about this issue. What I am seeing on court is totally a psychological issue and not a physical one. I am not sure if anger is making you lose focus or perhaps you are choking on the big stage (as improbable as that may seem) or your layoff from that injury created bigger self-doubt that we could imagine. Whatever the issue, you are a brilliant tennis player and there are majors left within you. So please, get this bit sorted out quickly. I know how disheartening this is for you because you wanted this so badly. Nothing in life is guaranteed though. Simply play tennis and find the joy for still being in the game.

An ecstatic Virginie Razzano. Congratulations on your win!

Anyway in other results, Francisco Schiabone (14) is back at her favourite tournament, the French Open. The 2010 champ faced off against another “old foot” Kimiko Date-Krumm aka Granny Goodness. In some respects, I was hoping that this match would be interesting but it really was not. The Italian came through 6-3 6-1. Schiabone is coming off a recent tournament win in Strasbourg and is certainly playing herself into form.

Can she make it to her 3rd consecutive French Open final?

Another major winner, reigning Wimbledon champ Kvitova aka GHW (Grand High Witch) looked to have found herself as she dismissed her opponent 6-1 6-2. GHW seemed to have been under a spell as of late, losing inexplicably in tournaments and despite being Number 4 in the world, she has not been in a single final for the year. Also looking impressive was Shriekapova whose odds of winning this thing increased ten folds with the Serenanator gone. She just ripped her opponent 6-0 6-0. Danish Biscuit looked solid as well as she moved through to the 2ndround just dropping a game. Krazilenko (16) won as did Kaia Kanepi aka Telly Monster’s sister, Heather Watson of Great Britain (I really hope she can build her game up to be a contender in the future), the German Julia Goerges (25) and Anastasia Fattychunkova (22) of Russia.

Au revoir Serenanator!

Now while I have a few moments here, I just want to single out a loser here at the French, that being Anna Keothavong of Great Britain. Now, for diehard tennis fanz, the name Keothavong may sound familiar to you because you are thinking of James Keothavong who incidentally is Anna’s big brother. Now Anna has been a regular feature on TV. Mind you, we are spared full coverage of her matches but interestingly enough, she is always mentioned in highlight reels. I think it has more to do with her looks than say her tennis.

Chair Umpire James Keothavong

Anna Keothavong

Anna has played in 20 major main draws and won a total of 6 singles matches. Unfortunately, this was not 6 matches in a row and she has only won two matches in a row ONCE! She gets a wild card into Wimbledon for over a decade if I am mistake and I has won something like 3 matches there. In doubles, she has played 15 doubles tournament at majors and won two matches but I am not even going to judge her on that because she had help being sucky at tennis. The reason why I am talking about Anna is because I want her to stop playing tennis. Really! Rarely do I tell people to give up your passion. I want to make an exception here and beg Ms. Keothavong to consider a career change. See, the thing is that it is not like she does well on the tour and perhaps just choke at majors. Nope! The truth is, she has been most successful at majors because she makes more money there. It is just that Anna Keothavong sucks at tennis. Well actually no, I suck at tennis. Anna Keothavong sucks at professional tennis. Wimbledon some years ago decided that they were not going to give her a wildcard into the tournament. They cited her lack of success at the tournament and felt that they had extended more than enough consideration to Ms. Keothavong in hopes that she can win some matches at the tournament. However, since she was not winning anything, they wanted to give it to someone else. Of course, Ms. Keothavong got mad and I believe in the end, she got it. She lost 1st round if I am not mistaken. If I am wrong though, she did not win more than a match that year. My real point is that Anna Keothavong just need to get her life together and either decide if she is going to be committed to the sport and make a last charge for self-respect, or just get the hell off the tour to allow a new crop of players to come throu. It is just ridiculous. Granny Goodness Krumm is doing a lot better than Ms. Keothavong. And what gets to me the most is that every major after she is just dispatched, she gives this sick puppy smile as if to say, “I tried my best.” NO you did not. You are wasting people’s time here. Maybe you should follow in your brother’s footsteps. Anyway enough about this loser.

Just pack your shite and go! Looking like a bloody canary!

On the men’s side, Divadal came out blazing! The three clay court tournaments he won this season really kicked up his energy level as he is firing on all cylinders in Paris. He took out his Italian opponent 6-2 6-2 6-1 and the truth is that he has looked the most impressive of the top 4! None of them look as in form as the Spaniard and if the finals were to be played today, Divadal will beat the other top players back to back to back.

Divadal is just slaying opponents on court

Anyway, speaking of top players, Lochness Monster took out his opponent quite easily 6-1 7-5 6-0. Other winners include Richard Gasquet (17), Baby Jesus Juan Monaco (13), Sexsarevic (8) aka Janko Tipsaveric, Fiery Ferrer (6) and Mikhail Youzhny (27) who took out James Blake in straight sets (I was not aware that Loser Blake was still playing tennis. I assumed that he had quietly retired from the sport).

I didn’t even know he was still around!

Some interesting results. Grigor Delicious Dimitrov took on Delicio Young. This was a tough one for me to route for as I think they are both delectable. Anyway, Delicious Dimitrov took out Young in straight sets 7-6 6-1 6-1. Young really needs to get his game up to the next level and real fast too. He can be delightful to watch. Anywho BWLLAGWLLAB (16) lost to his countryman Sergiy Stakhovsky in 5 sets. Meanwhile, Ivo Karlovic who statistically has the best serve in the history of tennis, lost to Eduardo Schwank of Argentina. Now it is not the fact that he lost but the fact that there was no tie break her in any of the sets and got bagelled. 4-6 0-6 3-6! Anyway, this concludes Day 3 action. I mean my head is still reeling after the fact that the Serenanator is gone! WTF? This might prove an ominous sign for this French Open for sure.

RTF BIG PICTURE SHOW!

Hotties

Don’t need a translator to say that this is just hotness! Sexsarevic!

Yummy Young!

Delicious Dimitrov

Krazilenko might not be all there but she is krazy hot

Oh Bolelli you have bowled me over

Notties

And someone just unleashed with the ugly stick on this one…Look away look away

It’s a good thing you cannot see her face completely. It is not a sight for sore eyes

What a handsome girl

You think you are hot but you are not. Stop saying what I say. You’re ugly! Stop it! You’re son/boyfriend a douche! Bitch!

Mixed Bag

I am about to beat a itch down out here! (Serenanantor, I don’t want to upset you anymore than you already are but the I’m not feeling the outfit. You look like a Girl’s Scout chocolate mint cookie. Just one of the many things that wasn’t working for you out there.)

You all can just kiss my @$$

Siblings?? Razzano

And Marcos Fatdatis

Get your balls out of my face

Tweety bird!

Skeet! Skeet! I make it rain

All Divadal fans be talking about this ass more so than his tennis leads me to believe that we can conclude that this is indicative of his personality, No?