Archive for the ‘Serena’s rap album’ Category

Serena, wrap this up!

In Serena Williams, Serena's rap album on June 17, 2012 at 11:33 pm

This posting was contributed by a Realz Fanz who wishes to remain anonymous! Realz edited the piece.

The Serenanator! I got mad skillz on the court

Readers of this esteemed e-zine know that the Serenanator is a force to be reckoned with on the tennis court. The Serenanator is constantly searching it seems to conquer other arenas than tennis. We are all even more aware of her many off court forays including fashion design, “acting”, professional team owner and more recently cosmetology (though one might have to call this cosmotology as some of her style choices are out of this world…but we aren’t here for that). Now, it appears the Serenanator has entered the rap game! She has put down her tennis racquet of sorts to pick up the microphone. Yes, XL S Jameka Beat Diamond (a possible  rap name according to based on The Serenanator’s full name, which is Serena Jameka Williams) is in the house! I mean, she has appeared in rap videos as a video vixen and last year released a most outlandish clip of her getting down and dirty in her hotel room at the US Open!

However, this is no lark! Serena is really trying to create a presence in the rap game and has released or leaked…I daresay, served up a small snippet of her spitting some rhymes. Unfortunately, I have to say that this is no ace. Serenanator, you are over reaching and missed the overhead terribly here. I suspect that her one time boo, Common, had something to do with this unforced error as I fear that he showed no love for his ex-boo if he was coaching her on this latest endeavor. Common, a well-known, well regarded and acclaimed socially conscious rapper, dated the Serenanator for two years and must have been weak with love or mesmerized by the booty (men have been known to fall for far less) when she asked him what the thought of her rapping skillz.

It might be that he misunderstood her and perhaps thought she meant wrapping skills (i.e. sandwiches and/or gifts) and seeing that he is Common, he did not fathom that she was asking about the rap industry. I mean, he would not dare ask her about his serve.Nonetheless, Common heaped praises and winners upon the Serenanator for her “flow” and look at the flood that is upon us. I do not know if he thought he was being nice to his girl in her telling her that she had talent in this court but she just up and ran with it and now, we have a rap.

In all fairness, the Serenanator, wait I beg your pardon, XL S Jameka Beat Diamond, raps about what she knows, tennis (“I ball hard, no tennis racquet”) and making money but there is something to be said about recognizing your limits (as well as the “lies” that people in committed relationships tell each other).  XL S Jameka Beat Diamond, you are beyond the baseline here. She may hit all the corners one must in a rap song:
1. Money & Fame – “I can see the haters through my Gucci glasses”
2. The Game (sport and life) – I make hits like batting practice… Schooling these rappers they should pay tuition…”
3. Family – “Swag so big, you should call me Venus…”

Sisters who weave together, stay together!!

But, as in tennis, one must do more than simply hit the ball over the net like checking things off on a “to-do” list; you must go for winners! It is not like you’re popping over to the grocery store (speaking of which, she does “cook the track up like a frozen pizza”). Not gonna lie though: the beat is sick. However, the attempt at making words rhyme is quite obvious but the irony is too much when she says, “I ain’t never been a loser.  I am always on top; roofer.” Huh? Let? No! Fault! Double Fault in fact! This is definitely a Code Violation with a point penalty. Judging by her early exit from the French Open, XL S Jameka Beat Diamond should see this as a sign and simply drop the rap, wrap it up, and focus on tennis. Wimbledon is coming up and it is best that you lay this one out to pasture. Pursuing two passions means you simply won’t excel in either. Serena, you are Exhibit A-Z. You cannot rap for your supper but according to Common you sure can wrap for it. We are not hating on you; just keeping it realz!

Yeah that fcuking RealzTenisFanz is hating on me. I am going to shove a fcuking tennis ball down their throats!