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Posts Tagged ‘Maria Sharapova’

Aus Open 2016: Fashion Run Afoul Down Under

In Andreas Seppi, Australian Open on January 17, 2016 at 11:36 pm

Hey all you Realz Fanz, I am sure you are excited about the beginning of the 2016 major season which gets under way with the Australian Open in Melbourne. I am kinda excited though I am not keyed up as I would have been in recent years. I have long accepted the fact that Roger Federer and Venus Williams, my TOP FAVES are not going to win slams … well unlikely to win. However,  I am looking forward to seeing some brilliant and inspiring tennis on court during the next two weeks. 

As always myself and the lovely ladies in Andreen (@A_Gallivant) and Janina (@JLR78) break down both the men and women’s draws. You can take a listen below either on YouTube or on Podbean. 

On Podbean as well

However, the reason for this post is not to discuss tennis per se but to really get into the fashion of the tennis players. Now seriously, I have been following professional tennis for a LONG LONG LONG time and for the life of me, I do not understand how rich young people with amazing bodies commit so many acts of fashion suicide. These young rich folks appear to be have been styled by the Fashion Institute for the Blind or their worst enemy. In my mind, I think at times, it has to be that they are deliberately looking ridiculous so as to piss me off.

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Anyway, the players, a select group I imagine, went to the IMG players’ party and it was a virtual shit show in this fashion. As always, I am right there to hand out grades and constructive criticism. I truly pray that these folks would consult me before going out ever again. 

When it comes to the menz, I really cannot give them a grade. It is so easy for them to be honest. I only give out grades if they are absolutely horrendous. 

I'm done talking about Kei and his teeth. He needs to take a million of that $60+ million from Uniqlo and get them chompers in order. This is UNACCEPTABLE

I’m done talking about Kei and his teeth, or lack there of. He needs to take a million of that $60+ million from Uniqlo and get them chompers in order. This is UNACCEPTABLE

Meanwhile, it seems that Kei is heading to a college frat party

Meanwhile, it seems that Kei is heading to a college frat party

And so is FeFe Lopez

And so is FeFe Lopez

This is a really bad angled photo but it is them jeans that I am having issues with. What the hell is going on with that zipper ... #creepy

This is a really bad angled photo but it is them jeans that I am having issues with. What the hell is going on with that zipper … #creepy

Did they all shop at the same place. I cannot even look at Harrison and them grandfather shoes. No need to ask, we all know Ryan is heading to the same frat party

Did they all shop at the same place. I cannot even look at Harrison and them grandfather shoes. No need to ask, we all know Ryan is heading to the same frat party. By the way Ryan, one bit of advice, “Fitted Jeans”!! 

Apparently, Heather is just one of the guys. I don't understand what's happening here. This has to be the "before picture" and we have to wait for the "after picture" when she is ready.

Apparently, Heather is just one of the guys. I don’t understand what’s happening here. This has to be the “before picture” and we have to wait for the “after picture” when she is ready.

Divadal, your personality is supposed to be whimsical and not your hair. Surely, it is time to talk to your doctors about Rogaine or whatever else is new in the men's hair loss treatment department.

Divadal, your personality is supposed to be whimsical, not your hair. Surely, it is time to talk to your doctors about Rogaine or whatever else is new in the men’s hair loss treatment department.

As per the norm, Divadal looks uncomfortable as fuck! BUT the outfit looks really nice on him. I love the shades of blue

As per the norm, Divadal looks uncomfortable as fuck! BUT the outfit looks really nice on him. I love the shades of blue

I was ready to rip into Kyle here but then I realized that I never see him at these events. Astronauts (players on the satellite and challenger circuits) don't get invited to these premiere events.  So he gets a pass as this was clearly his first time and he surely is the guest of a guest. Kyle, I won't be so kind next time.

I was ready to rip into Kyle here but then I realized that I never see him at these events. Astronauts (players on the satellite and challenger circuits) don’t get invited to these premiere events. So he gets a pass as this was clearly his first time and he surely is the guest of a guest. Kyle, I won’t be so kind next time.

David Ferrer looks all right! He doesn't look bad but it is a very safe choice. I cannot hate on him too much here at all.

David Ferrer looks all right! He doesn’t look bad but it is a very safe choice. I cannot hate on him too much here at all.

Clearly someone did not explain to Seppi that this players' event was not being held in the locker room. And they say Italians have great fashion sense!

Clearly someone did not explain to Seppi that this players’ event was not being held in the locker room. And they say Italians have great fashion sense!

Look at the French showing you how it is done! #HubertforHusband He just exudes absolute charm and quiet sex appeal.

Look at the French showing you how it is done! #HubertforHusband He just exudes absolute charm and quiet sex appeal.

Of course it goes without saying that my main man Samuel Groth knows how to impress at outings. I never let my man go out looking like a mess. Meanwhile that lil hussy Josh Gibson was trying to angle in on my property but I had to let him know that Sam Space is already occupied #backoffbitch

Of course it goes without saying that my main man Samuel Groth knows how to impress at outings. I never let my man go out looking like a mess. Meanwhile that lil hussy Josh Gibson was trying to angle in on my property but I had to let him know that Sam Space is already occupied #backoffbitch

I perhaps never say it often ... in fact, I don't think I have never said it before, Maria is beautiful. Just looking ravishing and radiant in this photo

I perhaps never say it often … in fact, I don’t think I have never said it before, Maria is beautiful. Just looking ravishing and radiant in this photo

For once she isn't accentuating her "manish" shoulders. This outfit I think works very well. The colours, the length, her hair and makeup are #flawless. Maria you get an A+

For once she isn’t accentuating her “manish” shoulders. This outfit I think works very well. The colours, the length, her hair and makeup are #flawless. Maria you get an A+

Meanwhile, is this a silent protest from the Russian again her motherland's draconian homophobic laws. I see her dress and all I am thinking about is marriage equality.

Meanwhile, is this a silent protest from the Russian again her motherland’s draconian homophobic laws. I see her dress and all I am thinking about is marriage equality.

Hmmm I kinda indifferent to Pliskova's look right now. Karo, you get an M for Meh

Hmmm I kinda indifferent to Pliskova’s look right now. Karo, you get an M for Meh

Apparently, in her post career life, LiNaLi is the WTA secretary? Why gurl? WHY?? That red lipstick is too RED, you're looking clownish and you need some powder for your face as it is too shiny or sweaty but I am gonna say "shiny". That skirt length needs to be CHOPPED. Show those legs. Unbutton one of those buttons on the blouse and let that hair down. Those shoes aren't right but I am going to give you a C+ because you are somebody's mother now.

Apparently, in her post career life, LiNaLi is the WTA secretary? Why gurl? WHY?? That red lipstick is too RED, you’re looking clownish and you need some powder for your face as it is too shiny or sweaty but I am gonna say “shiny”. That skirt length needs to be CHOPPED. Show those legs. Unbutton one of those buttons on the blouse and let that hair down. Those shoes aren’t right but I am going to give you a C+ because you are somebody’s mother now.

Genie, why is your hair looking a mess right now? What were you doing before this shot??

Genie, why is your hair looking a mess right now? What were you doing before this shot??

This outfit clearly deserves an A if only we were talking about tennis kit. But as it is an evening wear, I'm gonna have to give this a D-. It fits but it certainly doesn't flatter

This outfit clearly deserves an A if only we were talking about tennis kit. But as it is an evening wear, I’m gonna have to give this a D-. It fits but it certainly doesn’t flatter

Victoria "Vika" Azarenka. What in the name of fashion is this fucking mess? You look RIDICULOUS. I cannot even give you an F. That's too high a grade for this shit.

Victoria “Vika” Azarenka. What in the name of fashion is this fucking mess? You look RIDICULOUS. I cannot even give you an F. That’s too high a grade for this shit.

WTF? WTMFF is this garbage. She looks like she cut up some eccentric nurses' scrubs and added the belt and the shoes thinking the ensemble would look cute. Azarenka, honey, YOU LOOK BAD. You get an H for Horrendous

WTF? WTMFF is this garbage. She looks like she cut up some eccentric nurses’ scrubs and added the belt and the shoes thinking the ensemble would look cute. Azarenka, honey, YOU LOOK BAD. You get an H for Horrendous

I almost think that she looked better her than at this party.

I almost think that she looked better her than at this party.

A funny thing happened to Serena on her way to the players' party. She misheard and thought it was a "dance party". She looks ready to drop it like it's hot. Serena you know I am going to have to get on your for that weave/wig and them eyebushes gurl. We need to do better boo!!

A funny thing happened to Serena on her way to the players’ party. She misheard and thought it was a “dance party”. She looks ready to drop it like it’s hot. Serena you know I am going to have to get on your for that weave/wig and them eyebushes gurl. We need to do better boo!!

Madison apparently is apparently locked up in fashion hell and don't have a clue or keys to get out. This looks so bad, I think Vika looks better. Them shoes are WRONG, murdering her toes and sweety what is going on with the dress? The colour, the form, the fit, your breasts are hanging out. Why? WHY?

Madison apparently is locked up in fashion hell and don’t have a clue or keys to get out. This looks so bad, I think Vika looks better. Them shoes are WRONG, murdering her toes and sweety what is going on with the dress? The colour, the form, the fit, your breasts are hanging out. Why? WHY?

Someone couldn't give you some make up to fix this. How you checked yourself in a mirror and thought it was all okay to go out like this? I have no choice for to give this an F for a fucking fail

Someone couldn’t give you some make up to fix this. How you checked yourself in a mirror and thought it was all okay to go out like this? I have no choice for to give this an F for a fucking fail

So BMS didn't have time to change as practice and just showed up like this after getting off the courts.

So BMS didn’t have time to change as practice and just showed up like this after getting off the courts.

Again another newbie. I wanna say so much but I am hoping that we learns from this experience and do better for Wimbledon.

Again another newbie. I wanna say so much but I am hoping that we learns from this experience and do better for Wimbledon.

Everything is nice but somehow it just does not work for me overall. Her hair is right, dress form its colour and everything are great. However, she just looks off in it altogether like it does not belong to her.

Everything is nice but somehow it just does not work for me overall. Her hair is right, dress form its colour and everything are great. However, she just looks off in it altogether like it does not belong to her. However, I have to give her a solid B+

Pavs looks great here but the pose is all wrong. I mean she looks good for her usual self.

Pavs looks great here but the pose is all wrong. I mean she looks good for her usual self. Body make up boo for those tan lines

This used to be Pavy's usual getup at these events. So we have to give credit where credit is due. She gets a solid C for this.

This used to be Pavy’s usual getup at these events. So we have to give credit where credit is due. She gets a solid C for this.

I am not sure about it. Cute top but those pants do not work. This needed a skirt or a different top. Either way, doesn't really work for me and Svitolina, you get a C-

I am not sure about it. Cute top but those pants do not work. This needed a skirt or a different top. Either way, doesn’t really work for me and Svitolina, you get a C-

I really need someone to explain to me why is it that the Spanish men ALWAYS look right but the ladies ALWAYS look a right mess. Why is Garbine wearing this shit in public? I don't even know where to begin

I really need someone to explain to me why is it that the Spanish men ALWAYS look right but the ladies ALWAYS look a right mess. Why is Garbine wearing this shit in public? I don’t even know where to begin .. First the hair looks like it was just washed with supermarket shampoo; that makeup isn’t flattering; that blouse is for a child not a grown woman: those pants … I think you would find that her grandmother’s couch is missing fabric as it is now her pants: her sandals … #icant

She was doing everything right until she decided to follow her hubby and match him with the white shoes. Why? Why? And I am going to pretend like I am not seeing that purse at all.

She was doing everything right until she decided to follow her hubby and match him with the white shoes. Why? Why? And I am going to pretend like I am not seeing that purse at all.

Thank God for small miracles. Katya baby looks like her and not the daddy# #keepingitrealz

Thank God for small miracles. Katya baby looks like her and not the daddy# #keepingitrealz

They get my vote for the best overall dressed. At least they make no bones about it being all costumes.

They get my vote for the best overall dressed. At least they make no bones about it being all costumes.

Podcast #34: CzechMate and London

In ATP World Tour Finals, Fed Cup on November 16, 2015 at 8:31 am

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Here is the latest podcast from the team

Also check us out on Podbean if Youtube is too much for your bandwidth: RTF Podcast #34

RealzTenisFanz Podcast #24: The Game of US Open Draws

In Podcast on August 30, 2015 at 1:18 pm

We are breaking down the US Open 2015 Draw all the way from Westeros. We have a special guest with us tonight LadyVenom Broke at Love! Remember to pay allegiance to your Houses or you shall be sent to the Wall …. Unfortunately we had a lot of technical difficulties with this episode and our lovely guest was in and out. However, Brooke (@LadyVenoms on Twitter) shall be BACK

You can also find us on SoundCloud 

RealzTenisFanz Podcast #17 will be LIVE: We are taking Wimbledon to Church on Middle Sunday

In Podcast on July 4, 2015 at 2:20 pm

So we have just about completed the first week of Wimbledon and it is time for the Ladies and I to give out grades, hateration, shoutouts and all times provocative about Wimbledon 2015 thus far. I tell you, SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!! This show might have to be a marathon but a Isner-Mahut marathon! Anyway, we decided to do it LIVE just for you to hear comments and field questions from you our loyal and new listeners.

So this Sunday, TOMORROW July 5, 2015 at 12:00 PM EST your favourite commentators of RTF Podcast will be hosting a live event!!! So that means you have Andreen (Soley Tennis Travels), Karen (Bridgepea), Janina and myself (Realz) coming to you LIVE and DIRECT!!! We might even have a Special Guest!! MIGHT, Y’all know we are on a budget and gotta deal with a lot of technical difficulties!!

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This is your chance to be involved in the most complete and controversial tennis podcast in the world!! We will be giving you the Realz BreakDown of the Wimbledon 2015 as only WE CAN!!! We gonna talk about winners, losers, drama and more drama with the Aussie Boyz. We will also get to Divadal of course. You know we gotta talk about Venus’ play and of course Petra’s Piss Poor Performance. And never without our usual critical eye, we are laying down the lay with fashion. As we are in England, we’re definitely spilling the TEA UP IN HERE

THIS TEA GONNA BE SO GOOD

THIS TEA GONNA BE SO GOOD

Official Hashtag #RTFLiveCast! This is a good opportunity to ask questions of the hosts and get to know us! You know we never shy away from the inappropriate or salacious. Just don’t be offensive!!! 

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If you wish to be a part of this event you can still listen to us live on YouTube!!! Check out the RealzTenisFanz YouTube Channel on Sunday afternoon at 12:00 pm EST for the live video to appear. You can also to listen and comment on the previous 16 and half podcasts in the mean time 🙂 …. 

OMGGGGGG

OMGGGGGG OMGGGG Realz Podcast is going LIVE AGAIN

Via Email: Send your questions and comments to rtfanznewzletter@gmail.com
Via Twitter: Karen The Spin (@bridgepea), Andreen (@A_Gallivant), Janina (@JLR78), Realz (@RealzTenisFanz) with the official hashtag #RTFLiveCast 
Via Facebook: Post comments to Soley Tennis Travels or Realz Tenis Fanz
Via WordPress: You can comment below in this post
Via BlogSpot: OverHead Spin

We are going to be OFF THE CHAIN THIS FRIDAY

We are going to be OFF THE CHAIN THIS SUNDAY

Realz Fashion Review: WTA Pre-Wimbledon 2015 Party

In Wimbledon on June 29, 2015 at 1:19 am

I love me some Wimbledon because it is the time of year when the female athletes attempt to dress up and be ladies. Now do not misunderstand me, I am not implying any gender distortion for the women. No, I am just saying that the ladies of WTA always try to be “girly girls” and it ALWAYS give us spectacular results!!! And you know that Realz is here to bring you all the photos with the realz deal. I think most of the ladies would benefit greatly from a gay in their life because their fashion sense is no where near as being en par with their tennis ability at all. 

I cannot believe this but JJ is BEST DRESSED She captures everything right here! Youthful, sexy, maturity, form, fit, hair, makeup, shoes AND no purse because she's so fucking hot, she's not buying any drinks tonight! Drinks will be bought for her!! A+++

I cannot believe this but JJ is BEST DRESSED She captures everything right here! Youthful, sexy, maturity, form, fit, hair, makeup, shoes AND no purse because she’s so fucking hot, she’s not buying any drinks tonight! Drinks will be bought for her!! A+++

This was the mess she wore last year! Such an amazing improvement this year!!

This was the mess she wore last year looking like a Serbian vampire! Such an amazing improvement this year!!

Heather Watson - Grade A: Colour, style work well for her. The hair en pointe and the shoes as well. Slight critique is that the sock tan line and the dress a tad bit too short. However that's me kit picking.

Heather Watson – Grade A: Colour, style work well for her. The hair en pointe and the shoes as well. Slight critique is that the sock tan line and the dress a tad bit too short. However that’s me kit picking.

Genie - Grade: B- I am being very generous here because this dress is TOO LONG and not form fitting enough. What is worse is that Genie swears she is killing it. However, that dress is killing her.

Genie – Grade: B- I am being very generous here because this dress is TOO LONG and not form fitting enough. What is worse is that Genie swears she is killing it. However, that dress is killing her.

Look at it from the back, it is too big for her. It is not draped properly at all

Look at it from the back, it is too big for her. It is not draped properly at all and it makes her look emaciated. 

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I should be thankful she didn’t wear something like this mess again

Ajla and Hana Tomljanovic is doing it well. They get a solid B+ for the double act

Ajla and Hana Tomljanovic is doing it well. They get a solid B+ for the double act

Ajla by herself is killing and well deserve an A-

Ajla by herself is killing and well deserve an A-

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Bringing sexy back …. a lil back makeup/spray tan would have been great though but she’s giving me attitude (NO to the lipstick though)

Angie is really trying to be youthful here but this outfit would look better on an older lady. HOWEVER, she is working all the elements and gets an A-

Angie is really trying to be youthful here but this outfit would look better on an older lady. HOWEVER, she is working all the elements and gets an A-

Now I have a lot to say about Anastasia Pavyluchenkova in this outfit and much it might not be so nice BUT Ana Pav has improved over last year's effort and heeded my advice from last year because I went IN!! So she get's a Solid B! The hair and shoes are en pointe!

Now I have a lot to say about Anastasia Pavyluchenkova in this outfit and much it might not be so nice BUT Ana Pav has improved over last year’s effort and heeded my advice from last year because I went IN!! So she get’s a Solid B! The hair and is en pointe! Gurl  I think those shoes a tad bit small for you. Your toes sweeping the carpet

This is Ana Pav from last year 2014! She was begging for me to unleash the kracken to come her in this hot mess.

This is Ana Pav from last year 2014! She was begging for me to unleash the kracken to come her in this hot mess. I couldn’t even give this one a grade it was just a mess

Lucie Safarova .... Unfortunately the internet cannot see the look of utter disappointment I am giving you right now...

Lucie Safarova …. Unfortunately the internet cannot see the look of utter disappointment I am giving you right now… Those shoes are HORRID and we spoke at length about that lipstick not being for you …But because of the dress you get a B-

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Karolina Pliskova … I give her an E for Effort but she looks like she borrowed a friend’s clothing. The shoes look cute. I am gonna need you to do better

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This is just utterly unacceptable from Serena! You got money and you sell clothing. This shit is just BASIC!!! This looks like something one of the poorer girls would wear to play a tournament. I wouldn’t have mind so much if she had jazz it up with a belt or something but this is SO BORING despite the shoes. Serena I give you an S for Salvation Army because that is where you got this dress. #GurlBye!!

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Carla! Carla! Carla! I guess I should be happy that Carla put into some major effort or more rightly so, someone else put in a lot of effort for her BUT the stockings and kitten heels are just LOW CLASS! She looks like she’s going to Sunday church service and this party was held on a Thursday! NO!! Gurl this ain’t cute at all. Grade C+ for the wonderful dress and hair. I cannot overlook below the knees

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Madison I want you to take this dress and lock it up and through away the keys. A little voice in your head didn’t say NO gurl this is a mess? This would have been so hot if all this black sheer fabric wasn’t on the dress. If you’re going to go sexy go sexy.  You cannot be bi-polar about it. This dress is giving me hot and cold at the same time and therefore you get a C-

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That’s right Urszula, you cannot wow us with your tennis on court so you wow us off court. I get you with that but gurl your feet look like they are in torturous pain. I  really want to dislike the dress as I think it is basic and you could have done better but I have to respect your attempt and give you a B- for you do look good if we are not watching your feet. 

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Simona I wanted to hate this dress but I remember some of your previous efforts so I am happy you stepped up your game but kept it modest just the same. So I going to give you an A- because everything looks nice and tight. However, let me just say spray tan for those feet. Not cute at all 

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Simona’s previous efforts looking like childish

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It is like when Victoria got dressed this night, she thought, “How can I piss off Realz?” Who the hell is her stylist, Helen Keller? This shit is ATROCIOUS!! The only positive I can draw form this is that her hair looks clean and her toes pedicured. Everything else is just horrid. A huge F!!!! Them shoes?? Arghhhh #Icant

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Christina McHale, this is a definite McFail! You look like someone’s mother and how dare you go out with them feet. You don’t even get points for effort because you did not even try here at all. No. You get a Grade G for #GirlBye

Vitalia Diatchenko

Vitalia Diatchenko … I am not feeling the hair looking like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. However, the dress is a nice fit. I am not feeling them shoes though. I’ll give her a B.

Maria

I don’t understand why these rich girls are looking like they shopping at the thrift shops. However, Maria is going a step further. At the French Open, she gave us sailor with the blue and white stripes and keeping this nautical theme going she gives us “Sharapova Sells Seashells by the Seashore!” It is as though one of Ariel’s sisters came ashore for the party. I cannot hate on the them shoes though! They are magnificent. Grade C- for that dress. She can do better!

Zheng Saisai

Zheng Saisai, I want to like this outfit but somehow those white gym socks with the black kitten heel shoes is just too much for me. I am gonna have to give this a D for just being Dumb

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Zarina Diyas is looking very nice in this dress and the hair looks good too. However, those shoes look like throwaways. No bueno!! She gets a B-

Garbine

Those exciting shoes do not go with this very boring red dress and that lipstick again is not for you. The whole ensemble looks like something for a much older woman. You get a C- for this

Sabine

Sabine is posing and working it all. However, I am not feeling this hair but Sabine has that look us … I am about to get TURNED UP!!!

Laura

Laura Robson was stepped her game up! This might seem a tad bit mature for her but she wears it well. The hair and the shoes are EN POINTE. The red dress is stylish and flattering. Meanwhile, not sure what that woman in the background is wearing … those shoes are killing me.

Ana

Ana isn’t carrying a purse this evening … She brought her man. The only lady at the event I think who brought a date … and check out the rock

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Ana gets a solid A!! I am not in love with the shoe style though the colour is right and the mid section of this dress not so flattering … but the hair and make up and her confidence definitely ROCK

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Apparently Petra thought it was appropriate to wear her man’s T-shirt to this event. Those shoes … this is not even worthy of a grade because it is just unacceptable

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I am so disappointed with Daniela right now. Usually she is en pointe but her make up is bad and she’s wearing the hotel’s drapes thinking she looks cute. She look a hot mess as though she was playing dress up with lil kids. She gets a G Grade for Ghastly Garbage. I cannot believe she made my list as my #3

kumi nara

Kurumi Nara looking like she got lost on her way to the office. Went out on a Starbucks coffee run and stumbled across this event. Gurl you get a B for ByeGurl!!

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RealzTenisFanz Livecast #16: Drawing up Wimbledon 2015

In Podcast, Wimbledon on June 28, 2015 at 4:14 am
MY DREAM WIMBLEDON

MY DREAM WIMBLEDON


Find us on Twitter: Realz, @RealzTenisFanz; Karen @bridgepea; Andreen @A_Gallivant and Janina @JLR78!!!
0:02:50 – Men’s Draw (Top and Bottom Halves)
0:52:50 – Women’s Draw (Bottom and Top Halves)
1:48:00 – Wrapping Up

RealzTenisFanz Podcast #14: Lovely Ladies

In Podcast on June 22, 2015 at 8:47 pm

This is an awesome podcast this week as we go down the list of our top 6 ladies!!!! We want to hear from you, who are your top 6 ladies and post it in the comment section!! 

Divadal winning his 1st grass court title since the 2010 Wimbledon final at Stuggart freshly mowed grass courts

Divadal winning his 1st grass court title since the 2010 Wimbledon final at Stuggart freshly mowed grass courts

Ana Konjuh winning Nottingham

Ana Konjuh winning Nottingham

Camila Giorgi winning her 1st WTA title at TopShelf

Camila Giorgi winning her 1st WTA title at TopShelf

Nicolas Mahut on winning TopShelf 2015

Nicolas Mahut on winning TopShelf 2015

0:03:15 – Realz Newz
0:16:10 – Lovely Ladies
0:20:55 – Pick #6
0:29:00 – Pick #5
0:37:05 – Pick #4
0:47:00 – Pick #3
0:55:48 – Pick #2
1:06:15 – Pick #1
1:19:12 – Karen’s #1 Fantasy
1:23:50 – Who didn’t make the list?
1:30:00 – Sexist Tour??
1:41:35 – Wrapping Up

Realz Top 6 

#6 Sania Mirza is simply stunning in the simple red dress showing her lovely figure

#6 Sania Mirza is simply stunning in the simple red dress showing her lovely figure

#5 Kvitova is trying to work it but we can see that experience shining through

#5 Kvitova is trying to work it but we can see that experience shining through

#4 Lisicki is STUNNING

#4 Lisicki is STUNNING

Lisicki is FLAWLESS

Lisicki is FLAWLESS

Lisicki when she's drunk

Lisicki when she’s drunk

#3 Daniela Hantuchova is giving me EVERYTHING right now!!!

#3 Daniela Hantuchova is giving me EVERYTHING right now!!!

Daniela is AMAZING

Daniela is AMAZING

Clearly this photo is after a meal

Clearly this photo is after a meal

#2 Sloane is beautiful with that smile

#2 Sloane is beautiful with that smile

And she is being a fatal beauty

And she is being a fatal beauty

#1 Azarenka with the tennis ball and her pocketbook. Mama knows where she makes her money

#1 Azarenka with the tennis ball and her pocketbook. Mama knows where she makes her money

Azarenka is just killing it right here!!!

Azarenka is just killing it right here!!!

Andreen’s Top 6

#6 Andrea Petkovic giving you face

#6 Andrea Petkovic giving you face

Andrea giving you some skin

Andrea giving you some skin

#5 Camila Giorgi is baby doll pretty

#5 Camila Giorgi is baby doll pretty

Giorgi is working it ...

Giorgi is working it …

#4 Kirsten Flipkens got the tongue to lick

#4 Kirsten Flipkens got the tongue to lick

And also the body to make you flip

And also the body to make you flip

#3 Amelie Mauresmo. Come on over Andreen, I got a spot for you right here

#3 Amelie Mauresmo. Come on over Andreen, I got a spot for you right here

Andreen and Amelie are a couple made in heaven ... they love them some wine

Andreen and Amelie are a couple made in heaven … they love them some wine

Mauresmo isn't always  the best at glamour

Mauresmo isn’t always the best at glamour

#2 Ahhhhh Andreen loves her some Venus

#2 Ahhhhh Andreen loves her some Venus

Yeahh Gurl I am the shit...

Yeahh Gurl I am the shit…

#1 Maria Sharapova

#1 Maria Sharapova

Martha is working it on the sands

Martha is working it on the sands

Janina’s Top 6

#6 Serena Williams

#6 Serena Williams

Serena is giving you BODYYY

Serena is giving you BODYYY

#5 Franny is just stunned that another lady is into her

#5 Franny is just stunned that another lady is into her

#4 Andrea Petkovic is lovely to lick

#4 Andrea Petkovic is lovely to lick

Petkovic is giving you body right here

Petkovic is giving you body right here

#3 Maria Kirilenko is being Mary Mary quite contrary

#3 Maria Kirilenko is being Mary Mary quite contrary

Kiri being all playful

Kiri being all playful

#2 Elena Dementieva is giving you something you can feel

#2 Elena Dementieva is giving you something you can feel

Elena is giving you simple beauty

Elena is giving you simple beauty

#1 Svetlana Kuznetsova that we are use to

#1 Svetlana Kuznetsova that we are use to

But ever so often, Kuzi can be surprisingly glamourous ... giving you athletic chic

But ever so often, Kuzi can be surprisingly glamourous … giving you athletic chic

Flawless makeup ... and the silent and deadly look

Flawless makeup … and the silent and deadly look

And then there is this ... Sveta is giving you REGAL and REFINED

And then there is this … Sveta is giving you REGAL and REFINED

Karen’s Top 6

#6 Victoria Azarenka showing you all her good sides

#6 Victoria Azarenka showing you all her good sides

Here is she showing you her other side

Here is she showing you her other side

#5 Franny Schiavone ... Someone loves me :-)

#5 Franny Schiavone … Someone loves me 🙂

Franny does glam!!

Franny does glam!!

#4 Flavia Pennetta

#4 Flavia Pennetta

Flavia is all smiles

Flavia is all smiles

#3 Slaone Stephens is all business for Karen

#3 Slaone Stephens is all business for Karen

Sexy and powerful

Sexy and powerful

#2 Simona Halep showing you her former portfolio

#2 Simona Halep showing you her former portfolio

Simona's sexy legs

Simona’s sexy legs

#1 Venus Williams .... yeah I am back atop the rankings

#1 Venus Williams …. yeah I am back atop the rankings

Venus giving you strong, powerful, sexy and chic ... THOSE LEGS

Venus giving you strong, powerful, sexy and chic … THOSE LEGS

Venus showing her assets

Venus showing her assets

Karen is weak right now ...

Karen is weak right now …

Hey gurlll

Hey gurlll

RealzTenisFanz Podcast 12.5: Ding Dong Divadal is Done in Paris!!

In Podcast on June 4, 2015 at 2:06 am
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Yes I said!! Divadal lost at the French Open for only the 2nd time in 11 years!!

 


01:30 – Mrs. Ana Ivanovic
08:00 – Ladies’ Report
16:1052:00 – The Men’s Report
16:16 – Federer
21:12 – Stanley
24:10 – Kei
28:10 – Tsonga
29:00 – Divadal v Djoker
49:05 – Murray v Ferrer
52:00 – Wrapping Up
57:06 – Predicitons

French Open 2015 Day 6: The French are everywhere at the French Open!!!

In French Open, Roland Garros on May 30, 2015 at 12:26 pm
YASSSSSSSSSSSSS I'm still here!!

YASSSSSSSSSSSSS I’m still here!!

There were no real surprises on Day 6 unless you count the fact that Ana Ivanovic (7) played an absolutely stellar match. I mean from start to finish Ana was in fine form against Donna Vekic, the alleged “Other Woman” to the soon to be dissolved Wawrinkas. This kinda form from the Serbian was what netted her the title here in Paris back in 2008 after making her 1st major final earlier in the year in Melbourne. Ivanovic dismantled Vekis 6-0 6-3. One is hardly sure what to make of this level of play as she was struggling in her first 2 rounds. Anyway, very few picked her to get out of the 1st round but here she is in the Round of 16. This is the first time she has been to the 2nd week of Roland Garros since 2008 when she won the title. 

You don't feel like kiss right now do you?

You don’t feel like kiss right now do you?

She will take on Ekaterina Makarova (9) who knocked out her fellow countrywoman and also longtime doubles partner, Elena Vesnina 6-2 6-4. Makarova has been showing herself to be a “major contender” as she in the 2nd week of a major for the 4th consecutive major. She has made the quarterfinal or semifinal of the last 3 majors. Yet she has never been to a final and in the semifinal she was far from competitive. Anyway, she will take the ranking points as well the prize money.

Martha is the Russian Supreme

Martha is the Russian Supreme

Speaking of Russian, the Queen M herself was in action. Maria Sharapova (2) faced Sam Stosur (26) and many thought that this was going to an interesting match but it was only interesting for health reasons and not the actual tennis. Sharapova dispatched Stosur with relative ease 6-3 6-4. Sam was hardly ever competitive and mostly seemed timid to take charge of the match. However, Sharapova is battling a cold/cough/infection. She does not sound the same and looks rather ill. Nevertheless, she is quite determined to take this trophy for a 3rd time.

She needs all the fluids she can get

She needs all the fluids she can get

Looking like warmed over death

Looking like warmed over death

Sharapova will take on Lucie Safarova (13) who knocked out Sabine Lisicki (20) 6-3 7-6. Surprise! Surprise! Lisicki was up 5-3 in the 2nd set before doing her usual going bonkers in a match and simply gifting the match to Lucie. As we are on the subject of gifting matches, one cannot forget that Mirjana Lucic-Baroni was playing. She took on Alize Cornet (29) for a place in the Round of 16. Despite having the momentum, Lucic-Baroni felt it prudent to piss away the match. This is why I do not understand how it is that Halep did not win a set at least. Anyway, it comes as no surprise that Cornet could not serve out the match initially but Lucic-Baroni just allowed herself to be broken and Cornet was able to take it 4-6 6-3 7-5. Cornet will face Elina Svitolina (19) in the 4th round. Svitolina took out Annika Beck 6-3 2-6 6-4.

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Elina Svitolina has a chance of making it to the latter stages of this tournament

 

There were two “upsets” on the ladies side today, Flavia Pennetta (28) knocked out Carla Suarez-Navarro (8) in straight sets 6-3 6-4. Many felt that Carla was going to make some noise here in Paris as she has played so well all year long. However, as have been pointed out so many times by “The Spin/BridgePea” for all the talk about Carla for years now, she has only won 1 title. That is to say, when the tough get going, Carla gets gone. She does not handle pressure well and it is bad enough she hardly has a kill shot in her repertoire. Anyway, Carla’s real problem of the day was that she could not hold serve to save her life. For the match, she served 9 times and on each occasion but for 2. She was a hot mess. Flavia was no better really but she was the one show more proactive stance and who appeared to be most keen on taking the match. Flavia took it 6-3 6-4. The other upset was Garbine Muguruza (21) taking out Angelique Kerber (11) 4-6 6-2 6-2. Kerber just could not live with the power from Muguruza especially on the serve.  So it will be Pennetta v Muguruza for a place in the quarterfinals.  

Poor Carla has tumbled out of this tournament

Poor Carla has tumbled out of this tournament

So it will be the following in the Round of 16s for the Bottom Half

Ana (6) v Makarova (9)
Svitolina (19) v Cornet (29)
Flavia (28) v Muguruza (21)
Maria (2) v Lucie (13)

Mr. Federer seems to be a solid form

Mr. Federer seems to be a solid form

On the men’s side of things, it seems as though we will have a repeat of the Davis Cup Finals as two Frenchmen will take on two Swiss. Mr. Federer (2) will take on Beetlejuice aka Gael Monfils (13) in the Round of 16, a highly anticipated encounter that many predicted would be an absolutely thrilling encounter ever since the draw came out as Federer has lost his last 2 encounters with Monfils. Mr. Federer earned the right to play Monfils when he took out Damir Dzumhur in straight sets 6-4 6-3 6-2. It was a very solid performance from the former champion as Dzumhur played some fairly decent tennis. He displayed a fearless attitude throughout and it would interesting to see where he is in a couple of years. His game is attractive and he has potential to be top 50 at the very least and with some ambition and luck, top 20.

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice

Monfils was his usual messy self against Pablo Cuevas (21) who I have to say is a bonafide scrub! Cuevas has a really nice game and very capable of being a permanent feature of the top 20. He showed as much against Monfils as he got to a 2-1 sets lead. However, in the 4th set, up 4-1 with the double break and serving for a 5-1 lead, Cuevas decided it was time to choke. When I say Pablo choke, I mean Pablo choked so badly I was near calling doctors to perform the Heimlich maneuver to help save him. The crowd did not need any incentive to get behind Monfils who won 5 straight games to take the 4th set 6-4. In the 5th, Cuevas opened up with a break but got broken immediately barely winning points on serve. In the end, he made the scoreline look cute as he lost the set 3-5. Monfils 4-6 7-6 3-6 6-4 6-3.

Don't worry Pablo I always throw away matches. You'll get over it

Don’t worry Pablo I always throw away matches. You’ll get over it

Stanley (8) will take on Simon (12) as they both won on the day. Stanley had a very easy day at the office as American Steve Johnson was just not ready for the high level of play from the top tier guys. Johnson has an excellent game but it is will need work if he wishes to get to the upper echelon of the sport. There were moments when he displayed brilliant tennis but it was hardly constant as Stanley was dogged about winning here. Stanley through 6-4 6-3 6-2. Simon on the other hand had a tough battle against his countryman Nicolas Mahut. Mahut looked like he was going to make a quick exit from the match after losing the 1st set 2-6 but he fought hard in the 2nd and 3rd sets to win the breakers. However, Simon was not about to be denied this opportunity, he stepped up his game and won the 4th and 5th sets comfortably; Simon 6-2 6-7 6-7 6-3 6-1.

Gilles Simon

Gilles Simon giving you that Old Hollywood Glam

In the other matches, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (14) added to the celebration of the French as he knocked out Pablo Andujar in straight sets 7-6  6-4 6-3. Tsonga will play Tomas Berdych who took out another Frenchman Benoit Paire in the 3rd round. Now Tomas is seeded 4th here and he seems rather uncomfortable with this distinction because all three of his matches thus far this tournament have been very sloppy. None of them he showed any signs of being the supreme player. He was very messy more so than magnificent v Paire who had he been more than a scrub, surely Berdych would have been sent home. Berdych won nonetheless 6-1 6-7 6-3 6-4.

Baby Ali

Baby Ali definitely loves Oral

afsad

I am not sure if Tsonga’s tongue action is stimulating his girlfriend (sitting next to Mrs. Tsonga) or his “boyfriend” behind her

Mrs. Berdych to be checking on her investment

Mrs. Berdych to be checking on her investment

Berdych hasn't look very comfortable this tournament at all. Be interesting to see him in Week 2

Berdych hasn’t look very comfortable this tournament at all. Be interesting to see him in Week 2

Richard Gasquet (20) was able to finish off Carlos Berlocq in the 5th set after their match was suspended due to poor light the day before; Gasquet 3-6 6-3 6-1 4-6 6-1. As noted before, Kei Nishikori (5) is already through to the Round of 16 as Benjamin Becker defaulted from the tournament. Kei will play Teymuraz Gabashvili who knocked out Lukas Rosol 6-4 6-4 6-4. Seems like Rosol has no higher ambition than to collect the 3rd round pay cheque at a major. This was certainly a winnable match for him.  

Dzumhur looks Delicious

Dzumhur looks Delicious

So in the Bottom Half of the men’s draw, this is how the Round of 16s shape up

Kei (5) v Gabashvili
Tsonga (14) v Berdych (4)
Stanley (8) v Simon (12)
Mr. Federer (2) v Monfils (13)

OMG I WON!!! MON DIEU J'AI GAGNE

OMG I WON!!! MON DIEU J’AI GAGNE

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YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

2015+French+Open+Day+Six+qA_nb-vYH1ol

Un moment … I just won my 3rd round match. There’s no trophy. I still have to win 4 more matches for that ….. FUCK ..

 

RG 2015 Day 4: What the hell Halep??

In French Open, Grand Slam, Roland Garros on May 28, 2015 at 9:54 pm
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Why are you going the other way? My bandwagon is this way!!

Simona! Simona! SIMONA! Gurl, I do not know what to do with you. It is a good thing, I never really got on your bandwagon. There have been times, when I walked alongside it and cheered with your fellow Romanians as well as your stans/fans. However, I never got on. I have been watching you long enough to know that you are not comfortable with the limelight. When the pressure mounts, you melt. I saw it at the US Open, in Melbourne and recently in Rome. Your performance here in Paris, has definitely sealed the deal for me. I am not getting on your bandwagon. No m’am. I am going to save my ticket for someone else who look like they really want to go to a winning destination.

Lucic-Baroni

Lucic-Baroni

I guess by now y’all heard that Simona Halep (3) was dismissed YET AGAIN by the likes of Mirjana Lucic-Baroni in straight sets no less. Now, Lucic-Baroni beat Halep last year at the US Open but no one really thought that such a thing was likely occur if they were to meet again. However, it seemed as though Simona choked or lost her way to Sesame Street because this was an easy ABC winnable match for her and yet she could not even get close to win it. Lucic-Baroni is the type of player who make so many errors per match you are left wondering if the point of tennis is not to push the ball wide, long and/or into the net. Last week, I saw Lucic-Baroni play Madison Keys and it was one of the most horrendous matches I have ever seen in all my tennis watching years. I assure you, this is not a hyperbolic statement in the least. Lucic-Baroni up 5-0 in the 2nd, served for the match 4 times and failed spectacularly each time. In the 2nd set tiebreaker, I do not recall her winning a point. Keys was not playing any better but she won merely because she was less sloppy than Lucic-Baroni.

Struggling to stay mentally consistent is Halep.

Struggling to stay mentally consistent is Halep.

Nonetheless, Halep came out here a hot mess. She showed no fight and basically was out there relying on Lucic-Baroni to make the error. Well that would have been a good strategy had Lucic-Baroni not able to keep on breaking Halep. Lucic-Baroni predictably got broken serving for the set at 5-4. You would think that at 5-5 Halep would get her life together and push through! NOPE she decided to get broken yet again and ask Lucic-Baroni whether she would love to serve it out again. Of course, Lucic-Baroni took this gift and the serve it out 7-5. In the 2nd set, Simona had ZERO FUCKS to give. She went down 0-5 like it was the thing to do out here. She saved face to get on scoreboard and take the breadstick as Lucic-Baroni served it out 7-5 6-1. So this is the 2nd time in three majors that Halep is bringing Lucic-Baroni back into relevance because, ain’t no one be checking for her.

Martha is wearing a "clean" outfit but it looks like a nurse's uniform. Very safe colours. Or very much something the old ladies at the country clubs would be wearing.

Martha is wearing a “clean” outfit but it looks like a nurse’s uniform. Very safe colours. Or very much something the old ladies at the country clubs would be wearing.

Better yet, every time I see her I keep waiting for her to break out in dance:

In other news, Maria Sharapova (2) made very light work out of countrywoman Vitalia Diatchenko 6-3 6-1. Sharapova will face Sam Stosur (26) who was absolutely ruthless in her win over a French qualifier 6-0 6-1. It should be an interesting match come Friday. Stosur was up a set and a break on Maria last year but then decided winning was not in the cards for her. She got bageled in the 3rd set. Carla Suarez-Navarro (8) another darkhorse pick here got a relatively easy passage into the 3rd round as Virgine Razzano retired from the match down a set a set. Another retirement which was indeed unfortunate was that of Daria Gavrilova who had to give up against Sabine Lisicki (20).

Sam Stosur. Can she beat Maria this year?

Sam Stosur. Can she beat Maria this year?

There were no more real upsets on the day though there were several struggle fests as Ana Ivanovic (7) continues to complete her life struggling against Misaki Doi but pulled through in 3 sets as did Ekaterina Makara (9) and Elena Svitolina (19) who had to really dig deep get by Yulia Putinseva 9-7 in the 3rd set. Alize Cornet (29) trying to do something for the home crowd got through in straight sets but almost had to go to a third if only Aleksandra Dulgheru had figured out how to close out a set and not get broken.

I ain't bothered!!

I ain’t bothered!!

Other winners include Angelique Kerber (11), Flavia Pennetta (28), Garbine Muguruza (21), Lucie Safarova (13) and Annika Beck who backed up her upset win over Aga Radwanska (14) in the 1st round. Donna Vekic who knocked out Caroline Garcia (31) in the 1st round, also won and she will play Ivanovic in the 3rd round. All of these women won their matches in straight sets.

Mr. Federer through to the 3rd round

Mr. Federer through to the 3rd round

On the menz side of the draw, there were no real upsets to speak of though some very interesting developments on court. In difference to the fact that Mr. Federer (2) moved through in straight sets over Marcel Granollers in straight sets 6-2 7-6(1) 6-3, it must be first noted that the Frenchmen are having a SUPER (pronounced su-pear, the French way) tournament. So many of their players will be collecting a 3rd round cheque this event. Tsonga (14) totally destroyed Dudi Sela 6-4 6-1 6-1. Gael Monfils (13) did what he does best, struggle in a 5-setter in the early rounds of a major. This time around he was playing Diego Schwartzman. Monfils is lucky that Diego was not stronger because he really had no business winning this in 5 sets. Anyhow, he moves through 4-6 6-4 4-6 6-2 6-3. He will join Benoit Paire who upset, and I use this word lightly, Fabio Fognini (28) 6-1 6-3 7-5. Nicolas Mahut also had an upset win over Ernests Gulbis (24) 3-6 6-3 7-5 6-3 and again I use the word “upset” very very lightly. As a result of this loss, Gulbis’s ranking will now be in the 80s. That is what happens when you barely win a match all season long and we are in May/June.

I wonder what unfinished business Tsonga thinks he has here in Paris. He means the business of him winning a major would be unfinished

I wonder what unfinished business Tsonga thinks he has here in Paris. He means the business of him winning a major would be unfinished

Kei Nishikori (5) had his hands full against Brazilian Thomaz Bellucci. Though the Japanese won the match in straight sets, it was far from routine. Bellucci really gave his all and there was not a hint of “Scrubbishness” on court. He hung tough but ultimately, Nishikori was the superior athlete both physically and mentally and thus won the match 7-5 6-4 6-4. Tomas Berdych (4) also had a difficult 2nd round matchup as he faced his fellow countryman Radek Stepanek. Berdych has had a very dodgy tournament so far and hopefully he is playing himself into this tournament and saving his major suckiness for a possible quarterfinals matchup against Mr. Federer IF both progress to that point. Berdych dropped the 2nd set but got his act together to take it in 4 sets 6-3 6-7 6-3 6-3.

Kei Nishikori

Kei Nishikori

A couple of seeded players went by the way and frankly they would not be missed … at least I won’t be. Roberto Bautista-Agut (19) and Fernando Verdasco (32) were both sent packing to Spain. Lukas Rosol surprising did not lose a set if I am not mistaken as he took out Roberto but Verdasco, he takes the prize of “Scrub of the Day”. He was leading Benjamin Becker 5-3 in the 4th set and served for it but apparently he did not know how to close out a match. Becker broke and took the 4th set 7-5 to force it to a decisive 5th set where he again proved to be the more focused and dogged of the two. Becker won the match 6-4 0-6 1-6 7-5 10-8. Meanwhile, Divadal on/off again boo, Juan Monaco has been sent home losing in straight sets to Teymurez Gabashvili. Gilles Muller was able to finish off Paolo Lorenzi in the 5th set and Damir Dzumhir took out Marcos Baghdatis in 4 sets to set up a meeting with Mr. Federer in the 3rd round.

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Verdasco … not sure what’s going on with the hair and your tennis but they both suck

 

American Steve Johnson took out Sergiy Stakhovsky in 4 sets though Stakhovsky had many chances in the world to take hold of his match but excellent job from Johnson to get himself in the 3rd round of a major. He will play Stanley Wawrinka for a place in the Round of 16. Wawrinka struggled past Dusan Lajovic in 4 sets. Dominic Thiem gave it his all but Pablo Cuevas was just too much for him. Uruguayan took the match in 4 sets. So that is it for results I think. I believe I mentioned everyone. Oh I guess I should say that Kei Nishikori is already through to the Round of 16 as Benjamin Becker defaulted from the tournament. He broke his stomach I think.

American Steve Johnson. Frankly my dear, as an athlete, no one really cares how big your biceps are; easiest muscle to work. They are mostly interested in how big your dick is. #justsaying

American Steve Johnson. Frankly my dear, as an athlete, no one really cares how big your biceps are; easiest muscle to work. They are mostly interested in how big your dick is. #justsaying