The boyz are in London!! Now I don’t know why Horsikori up front and center with those chompers
So it seems that we are very near the end of another tennis year and boy was it an interesting one. There were so many plot twists, devices and developments that one is not sure whether it was tennis or some sport-version of a soap opera; As the Tennis World Turns or Days of Our Tennis Lives. 2014 was a year that had everything and then some for anyone and everyone who has any kinda inkling for tennis. I mean it was near too much at times even for veteran fanz like moi but this posting is not about to be a 2014 in review. No we do not have time for that and that might happen in another posting. (Do not hold me to that promise at all) However, the reason for this bit is regarding the upcoming … well current ATP Year-Ending Championships better known as Barclays ATP World Tour Finals.
If you are any kinda fanz of the sport you hardly need to be told that Barclays ATP World Tour Finals is where the top 8 ranked men for that calendar year though strictly speaking this does not necessarily mean the top 8 ranked men in the last 52-weeks which extend beyond the calendar year. It might seem confusing but it all really makes sense. This 8-man field, barring absence for “legitimate” reasons, must include any and all major winners of that year even if said person is not within the top 8 but within the top 20. Now this rule has hardly ever needed enacting since typically the major winners have always done due diligence and found themselves within the normal cut-off point. If I am not mistaken, the last time that this rule was put into effect was back in 2001 for Goran Ivanisevic when he won Wimbledon but was just barely in the top 20. Ironically, this “by-law” caused a recent stink because Ivanisevic’s new charge, Marin Cilic aka Chin Cilic was floating just outside the top 8 but still set to qualify for the event.
British fans found themselves in parts of the world they didn’t even know exist following their main man Lochness Murray
Meanwhile, Lochness Monster aka Andy Murray began playing a “Scrub Schedule” because he was lurking outside of the top 8 and he had to ensure that he qualified higher than 8th because there was the strong likelihood that he would have been bounced for Cilic who was hardly bothered by his ranking at the tournament because he knew he had already punched that ticket for London since September in NYC. (NB A scrub schedule is playing tournaments in the ATP 250 level tournaments and you are not getting paid for one’s presence) Now I for one would not have missed Lochness Monster in the least had he not made it but many “pundits” took up this cause as Nessie began to grumble and complain as is his customary stance, citing it being “unfair” because he was working hard and it might not pay off. I mean Sweet Jojoba, gurl get a life. It is only one tournament and this has been the rule since long time and you never complained once before but now you are more pressed than a fresh shirt from the cleaners.
Nessie even went so far as to call out Stanley (Stanislas Wawrinka) and Chin Cilic saying that they might not be in the top 8 but yet could still go the London over him. Clearly the Monster has left the lakes of Scotland for the Egyptian River of De-Nile or perhaps he dozed off counting sheep in the highlands because he is missing the obvious. Stanley and Chin Cilic won a major in 2014, something he has not accomplished for the year. We are not even going to mention that embarrassing outing versus Divadal at the French semifinals. Divadal was brutal in Paris. It was like watching two players going at it in Mortal Kombat video game and the other player’s controller was stuck and thus barely able to register a blow to his opponent. It was savage, vicious and bloody; definitely not for children under 17. I near shouted out to the screen, “Fatality! Finish Him!” I am not trying to take anything away from Nessie’s year because he made the quarters or better at all four 4 majors. Djoker was the only other person to do so if I am not mistaken.
Like always, I paid Lochness no mind because you ignored him long enough, he will stop. And true to form, he STFU and got his life together. He played everything possible and won like 3 titles in the fall. I am sure, though it cannot be confirmed in the slightest, he was willing to sign up for a tournament in your backyard if there were a couple of points to be had so badly he wanted to be in London. It was like watching a crackhead in full fury trying to get his next hit; it reeked of desperation. All in all he made it to the event on his own terms ranked 5.
So back the field. Technically, it is the men who are in the top 9 that are present at the event because Divadal pulled out to deal with her “appendix”. Now there is just so much to be said on this “appendectomy” that I am not sure whether I should deal with it now or perhaps in a separate post. I mean the details of Divadal, his doctors and his dramatic diagnoses have always been sordid tales on the ATP tour. Divadal has provided us with various sensational sicknesses including the Mysterious Melbourne Maladie, the lingering effects of the Wimbledon Whooping Coughs, the Whimsical Wrist and of course the infamous “Klandestine Knees”. However, I think this most recent “Medical Melodrama” re-wrote all the rules of engagement. The “Abnormal Appendicitis” was epic and I am not merely exaggerating or being hyperbolic. David Lynch would be proud of how it all unfolded. This was truly a medical marvel. So with all that, I think it is best to leave this matter for another piece soon to be posted after this tournament (Again do not hold me to this). I will not have Divadal trying to steal the thunder from the other players.
Ladies and Gents, here are top 8 men for these championships (I think Berdshite blew a big one)
So let us discuss the matter at hand. So the 8 men present for this event are as follows:
- Djoker Harlequeen (Novak Djokovic; Serbia)
- Mr. Federer/Federror (Roger Federer; Switzerland)
- Stanley (Stanislas Wawrinka; Switzerland)
- Horsikori aka Gumby (Kei Nishikori; Japan)
- Lochness Monster/Murray (Andy Murray; Scotland/Great Britain)
- Berdshite aka Lurch (Tomas Berdych; Czech Republic)
- Dennis the Menace (Milos Raonic; Canada)
- Chin Cilic (Marin Cilic; Croatia)
These men are divided into groups: Group A and Group B which are as follows:
| GROUP A |
GROUP B |
| 1. Djoker Harlequeen |
2. Mr. Federer |
| 3. Stanley |
4. Horsikori |
| 6. Berdshite |
5. Lochness Monster |
| 8. Chin Cilic |
7. Raonic |
Now the format of the tournament is that each group plays a Round-Robin system so each player within the group play a series of 3 matches against the other players. By the end of the week, the top 2 players from each group advance to the semifinal stage where is it back to the normal knock-out format. The winner of each group plays the 2nd qualifier of the other group. I hope this makes sense for it is hardly complicated though many reporters on the subject make it sound like Quantum Physics. This I must admit is partly due to the specific nature of the Round-Robin system which rewards not only quantity but also quality of match played. That is to say, to win/lose a match is not all that matters but more importantly how you won/lose said match as consideration is given to number of games/sets won/lost when determining the ranking within a group. However, if you win or lose all three of your matches you will not need to consult the charts to see your future because it is quite clear even to the undead. You win your three matches, you move on without a bother. You lose all three matches you move on out as you were not a bother but you take home a nice cheque for $85,000 USD.
Anyway, I have been reading up a lot of reports on this event and to be honest I was not going to write anything but I was moved to do so because of the downright fcukery I was reading on the byways and highways of the Neverland of the Internet. Some of it was just downright reckless. It was as though people were in a Warped Wonderland of tennis where Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum were running the place. Since I am no Alice, I figured before I got all murderous on their Jabberwocky asses, I should check my blood pressure and “pen” my own piece on the subject for parity sake. I really cannot deal with the high bullshitery people be serving up as tennis analysis. It drives me insane.
Gurl ain’t nobody checking for you!
So here we go with clearing up some of the madness I have read: First off: The event does not need nor does it miss Divadal. He really is not relevant to the cause here. He has never done well here and his efforts when he does decide to grace us with his presence, is hardly ever noteworthy. The quick indoor courts are not suited for his game/playing style at all. Of course the event has tried to amend matters slightly because of both his and Uncle Toné’s constant complaints. However, things have not “improved” to their advantage and they have accepted, one hopes, that this might very well be a place where their skullduggery would not work. So Divadal is right where he needs to be; seated. Preferably while he is having several seats, he is sipping on some Truth Tea Detox but again one is only being hopeful.
I mean Professora X says it best
Second: The players who qualified are quite adequate to put on a really great event. This year, more so than any other in recent memory, has seen a far greater level of “parity” on the ATP tour. You had 4 different major winners including two maiden winners, Stanley in Australia and Chin Cilic in NYC. In fact it was both Stanley and Chinny’s first trip to a major final and they showed themselves to be capable of accepting the challenge of dethroning the usual suspects, Djoker, Divadal and Mr. Federer. They both had a fabulous tournament and a relatively great year. Added to this you have rising stars in the form of Horsikori and Dennis the Menace who are both tapped as the “Next Generation” on tour. We need not forget that there is the ubiquitous presence of Mr. Federer, Djoker and Lochness Monster. Added to this we also have the possibility of Mr. Federer regaining the No. 1 ranking depending on how things go here in London and later on in Davis Cup finals against France. So we have a stacked field of heavy hitters both in name and game and some possible intriguing subplots. We need not point out how far more interesting this event is going to be than the WTA Finals though that did turn out to be intriguing in some regard.
We also have Berdshite but we are not going to talk much about this enigma; the less said, the better. Let us just be thankful that we do not have any Spaniards in the field. Now I do not hate Spaniards in the least. However, when it comes to Spanish tennis players, they are mostly just “scrubs”. Divadal being the exception, the likes of Fake Fire Ferrer (David Ferrer) and Tommy Nobraino (Tommy Robredo) are just too weak hearted to be muddling up this field. Do not misunderstand me, I do think the “Spanish Armada” is a talented lot but historically like their namesake, when put to the real test and meant to show their true grit, they sink and/or scurry back to their port of call beaten and battered. They just seem imposing but in reality they are mostly impotent (That’s not a read; just being Realz). And like Sweet Brown said, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
Some more please sir. The more, the better
Third: If there is anything about this event that I would have loved to see is perhaps several other players making it in. Grigor Dimitrov aka Maria’s Bluebeard, Baby Ali (Jo-Wilfried Tsonga) Ernests Gulbis and perhaps Beetlejuice (Gael Monfils) would have all been welcomed here. I need not explain that Dimitrov and Baby Ali are always nice to look at no matter the circumstances. Now I know how to count and this would mean 12 players and Beetlejuice is not even in the top 12 but I am thinking of including these players in the tournament to make it more interesting especially for fans who seem to love to cheer a lot of these players. That is not to say that the 8 players who qualified are not fan favourites but you really see people getting crazy excited for Berdych, Raonic and/or Nishikori unless they are Czech, Canadian and Japanese respectively? I only want to include Gulbis because he is always good for saying something stupid and besides, Berdshite needs someone on his level to talk to. I’m just saying.
Anyway, I am happy with the 8 who are present though I would have loved for Lochness Monster to have not made it so that some of these British commentators can actually do some real work instead of “riding Murray’s dick” all tournament long. It is ridiculous how they are “sweating” the man and constantly talking him up EVEN when he is not playing. They make all manner of excuses for him and worse still, they swear he is the best thing in tennis right now. Now that is some mystic level bullshit that my low-level mind has not yet achieved the power to unlock and fully comprehend its true meaning. In fact, I am sure my mind would never be able to see this “truth” but I am just glad I am not drinking that koolaide.
Me don’t like no koolaide
So let us get into the real dynamics of the Groups: The biggest pile of rubbish I have read thus far about this tournament is that Group A is the “tough” group because it boasts three major winners. Now fanz, this is lie straight for the pits of tennis hell. Do not be tempted to believe this as truth. You hear someone utter this fabrication, you rebuke them in the name of Tennis Jojoba and tell them to “Go in peace and say it no more!”. This falsehood is near the magnitude of the talk of Serena Williams and Martha Shriekapova having a tennis rivalry. I mean seriously, Serena is 16-2 lifetime v the Russian of which you have 15 straight victories stretching as far back as 2005. I do not know how in anyone’s mind this is a rivalry unless the word’s definition has now changed to mean the very opposite of rivalry. Martha is competing against Serena, that much is clear but Serena is out there slaying and filleting that fish like she is an outdoors woman. This matchup is many things but most certainly none of it is a rivalry. But we digress. Without question, Group B is the tougher group.
Now in Group A, as I have pointed out, has Djoker, Stanley, Berdshite and Chin Cilic. First off, we have Berdych in that group and I am going to let him have the floor on this matter.
This is all coming directly from him and we need not look further to see where this hot mess is going. I mean we are talking about Berdshite who lost a final to Carlos Berlocq earlier this year after leading by a mile and was near being double bagelled in China by Djoker last month. So I am finding it hard to see Berdshite being any kinda threat. Secondly, we have Stanley in this mix. I mean Stanley had a great year. That is not up for debate. However, Stanley’s year ended in April after he beat Mr. Federer to take his first Masters 1000 title in Monte Carlo. This victory came on the heels of the utterly brilliant performance in Melbourne where he defeated Djoker and Divadal to take the major title. Nevertheless, it seemed as though Stanley was content with these few accolades and outside these magnificent performances, he has turned up quite mediocre for tournaments. He lost 1st round at the French, punked out at Wimbledon (though I am not mad he did because Mr. Federer benefitted greatly as a result) and he capitulated in New York v Horsikori. Needless to say at the other tour events it was mostly piss poor play. I mean he is capable of doing something serious but I am not gonna believe this unless I see it. Nothing about Stanley’s behaviour since April indicates that he is really serious about his tennis and thus I am not serious about him.
Chin Cilic at the US Open
I cannot forget Chin Cilic and although he had a great US Open, this is hardly saying much because he has not before that event or even after showed himself capable of winning big tournaments. However, I will give him the benefit of the doubt but I will not give him this inane sense of grandeur that these pundits want to bestow upon him and the rest of the group. Group A is really just Djoker and a pack of scrubs. They might be able to do some damage but there is just no guarantee of anything explosive happening and they are mostly risky bets. We all know Djoker be a BEAST come the Fall and he is ruthless at these events. He lost his Beijing crown to Mr. Federer and you know he is looking to reclaim some leverage. Added to all this, he will want to retain his number 1 crown to be a Number 1 Dad and the World’s Number 1. He is not going down at the O2 arena without a bloody fight. He is the only “sure thing” in that group.
Berdshite and Djoker. Here is a bottle of champagne to congratulate you on your son and my defeat
Now that we have tucked that Group A bullshit to bed. The grownups can have a real discussion about Group B. This B in Group B should be for Bomb or Bombastic because things are bound to be explosive from the very start. Lochness Monster is playing in front of his homecrowd and he is up against Horsikori who is definitely coming into his own as of late. Horsikori is a deceptive player. He moves well and you never know how he is going to attack you. That backhand of his is a deadly weapon. Lochness Monster might be tired after his epic schedule this fall but he will definitely be spurred on by his compatriots hoping for the beast to move on. Then it is Mr. Federer v Raonic who beat Mr. Federer in straight sets just a couple weeks ago in Paris. Raonic’s 1st serve is MASSIVE and if it is on, then he is on. I do have to say that his 2nd serve is as effective as Venus Williams’. Now that is a read.
The Granny Vee serve is as precarious as highwire act
If Mr. Federer gets through this matchup, he has to also play Horsikori who has several quality wins over him and then Lochness Monster who has never been an easy opponent for him. So in essence in Group B, you have the number 2 player potentially losing all 3 of his matches and not because he is a bad player but because the quality of the group. This also goes for each of the other players. Lochness Monster will have to fight hard for every match if he wants to get out. There are no easy matches here as he is 1-3 vs Raonic and 11-11 vs Mr. Federer. His 3-0 record vs Nishikori will hardly matter on this stage.
The Question Mark is squarely over his head
The only real question mark is Dennis the Menace because he does not have the killer instinct and steely confidence that the other players possess. Perhaps in time he will get that but this tournament does not take too kindly to wanderers and fiddlers. You have to come out hard and strong for every match. The Canadian’s game is two-dimensional so very vulnerable to attack but make no mistake when those two-dimensions are working, they dwarf just about anybody’s game out there. He best be careful because his countrywoman Genie Bouchard got crushed at the WTA Finals 0-3 in her debut. Horsikori can take on anyone and I am certain he did not come to London to play tourist. He is looking for a big title to his name and he will be fighting as hard as his lil broken body can to make waves here in London. So you see, Group B is really where all the action is going to be. Group A is all about which scrub will rise to the top to take the 2nd spot for the semifinals.
I did not come here to play tourist, I am here to snatch wigs and trophy
A Prediction: Now you know how I loathe making such things. However, I would admit that I think Djoker is really the man to beat. He morphs into a different player,Djuggernaut, after the US Open. He is clearly dealing with the bitterness of not making the US Open final and winning the title. He is definitely on a confidence wave having a new baby boy, Stefan, with his new wife. So he is definitely the perennial favourite to win. I favour Mr. Federer next but it is a tough road to this title. He is desperately trying to be number 1 again and even though he did not win a major this year, winning a 7th YEC title will be the next best closest thing and Mr. Federer will take it in a heartbeat. The surface does favour him though early reports indicate that it is rather slow. I gave Nishikori an outside shot to win this title and I would be happy if he does take it in the event of Mr. Federer’s “absence”. I imagine a Chin Cilic will try to secure this title because he definitely wants to silence critics who think his major win was a “fluke”. He is also arriving here in London rested as he did not play Paris. The other players, well if they are able to win this title, I think we can record this 2014 officially as a watershed moment in tennis history but I highly doubt that eventuality. Anyway, this is about all there really is to say about this subject. I hope you all fans enjoyed the “Return of Realz”. Please COMMENT BELOW!!
It might be a 3rd straight victory for Djoker who is usually in Djuggernaut mood here at the ATP Finals
Also let us not forget that the Top 8 Doubles teams are also present.
There is always something magical about a man in a suit!
Realz Tenis Fanz 