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All Hail the D’Joker Harlequeen of the Wimbledon Court

In Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Sports Blog, Tennis, Wimbledon on July 3, 2011 at 1:18 pm

That right itches...I am #1 and Wimbledon is mine

Well I called it as soon as the match was called and the match did not disappoint in the least. Novak Djokovic, more popularly known as D’Joker Harlequeen in these parts has shown himself to be the most dominant player on tour this year. He literally owns Rafael Nadal aka Divadal’s @$$. This is the 5th straight finals they have met and D’Joker just simply destroyed him on court with a 6-4 6-1 1-6 6-3 victory at Wimbledon. Divadal has to go back to the drawing board because he has no real game plan for the Serb. D’joker has now solidly taken himself out from behind the shadows of two of the best the game has ever seen and whether you hate D’Joker, you have to given him MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR Props for the effort he has put in this year. This is his first Wimbledon and he showed himself to be more than ready for any challenge thrown at him. It is now July and the man has only lost one match he is 48-1

Divadal was losing more than points out there... I think he was losing his hair as well

The match started out and it seemed that Divadal was in every point. He was playing extremely aggressive and put the D’Joker on the defense for the first part of the 1st set. However, D’Joker was coming up with the money shots when needed and he raced to a 5-4 lead with Divadal serving to stay in the set. For a minute, it looked like things were going to go to a possible tie breaker as Divadal was up 30-0. D’Joker showing a deft hand and amazing pickpocketing skill as the criminal he is, stole the game winning 4 straight points and earned himself the set 6-4.

It was a bad hair day for Mr. Divadal amongst other things

Things did not improve in the 2nd set as he went down an early break and was broken again at 4-1 to see D’Joker serve for the set, winning it 6-1. He took that set in 33 minutes. Surely the Spaniard was not going to go so quietly into the night. It had been 2 sets of tennis had he had zero break point chances and was unable to even take any of D’Joker’s service game to deuce. Divadal was being outplayed, outmatched and outwitted on court.

D'Joker was handing out a royal punishment to the Divadal

Oh yes people, D’Joker was ready for his coronation on court. He was on like a boil corn and Divadal was blowing in the winds. He was being dismantled. But this is Divadal we are talking about and he was not going to go off this court he has made his home quite so easily. He has made it to 5 straight finals here at Wimbledon 06, 07, 08, 10, and 11 and there is a reason why that was the case. He came roaring back with some magnificent play and D’Joker was looking like Batman had showed up courtside. He was all out of sorts. He was donating break points and break chances to the Spaniard and soon saw the 3rd set gone 1-6. We knew it was not going to be easy for the Serb and we knew that Divadal is a dangerous player. Like a shark in the ocean, any hint of blood and he moves in for the kill.

We are taking this one to a 5th set

D’Joker sensing that things will soon be unraveling for him, broke the Spaniard early but was broken again to be on serve. Divadal was pressing the issue but D’Joker seemed to be biding his time. In the 7th game, he held serve at love and was up 4-3 and Divadal winked. He second guessed himself and D’Joker was all over that 8th game like white on rice with triple break points. Despite being able to save one, D’Joker was now up 5-3 and serving for the match. It was 30-15 and Divadal made it 30-30. It was pressure beyond belief. D’Joker was two points from the match and then he came up with a lovely serve and volley play to earn himself Championship point. Then Divadal hit the ball long and wide and D’Joker had his first Wimbledon and over the reigning champion as well. 6-4 6-1 1-6 6-3, making it 5 straight finals he has demolished the Spaniard and all in convincing fashion.

The ever popular fall to the court diva move...though very unqueen-like but dramatically effective

WTF?? You eating the grass too?? Now that is a bit much for winner's delight. Not with you there with this one at all

It has been a long time since Divadal has been given a runner up trophy at a major and he is not pleased

All hail the Queen...D'Joker Harlequeen. Congratulations Novak! You have done extremely well

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So its a Diva vs a Queen

In Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Sports Blog, Tennis, Wimbledon on July 2, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Divadal vs Harlequeen

So it may seems that the men’s finals came down to the Diva against  D’Queen; Rafael Nadal vs Novak Djokovic (Those names seem so foreign to me as I hardly ever use them). There had been much talk about who will end up in the Wimbledon finals and for a while it seemed that it was almost anyone’s game. True, no one really suspected that a finalist would be someone other than the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse (Divadal, D’Joker, Mr. Federer and Lochness Monster) but the real question was who would it be. Nevertheless, the top two seeds battle their way into the final and does it ever promise to be a great great match. And right now, all other bylines prior to this match up regarding the men’s game seemed mere distractions for if we were being totally honest with ourselves, this was the finalz we really wanted to see. (I know I do love me some Mr. Federer but him winning titles is not a guarantee these days. Big match play seems to be beyond his limit right now but anyway, we not here for that at all.) Make no mistake, this match is not about ranking points and positions because come Monday morning, whatever the result of the final, D’Joker Harlequeen will see himself as the Number 1 player in the world; only the 1st person to surpass either Divadal or Mr. Federer in like 7 or so years. This match is about bragging rights. Will Divadal get to say, “You may be #1 but I just owned your @$$, deal with that!” or will D’Joker shout,  “I took your ranking, your title, your fame and if you don’t watch yourself, I will take your gurl!”

The tale of the tape. Divadal has a 16-11 edge over D'Joker BUT

NADAL v DJOKOVIC HEAD-TO-HEAD IN 2011
World Tour Masters Indian Wells:DJOKOVIC 4-6, 6-3, 6-2
ATP World Tour Masters Miami:DJOKOVIC 4-6, 6-3, 7-6(4)
ATP World Tour Masters Madrid:DJOKOVIC 7-5, 6-4
ATP World Tour Masters Rome:DJOKOVIC 6-4, 6-4

All year long, Divadal has been runner up and the Queen has been more than able to perform her duties

It is these last four matches that has really spoken volumes and has taken tomorrow match up to fever pitch intensity. They have not met in a grand slam final since last year US Open when Divadal won his first title in Flushing Meadows in 4 sets. D’Joker was tired after a tough match against Mr. Federer. However, if there is one thing we have seen about D”Joker is that he corrects his mistakes. Remember in 2007 US Open final, Mr. Federer beat his @$$, well come January in Melbourne, D’Joker stopped the Mr. Federer streak to the major finals and went on to win his first major title. Divadal fans can say whatever they want, I am picking the Harlequeen because he will not let this opportunity slip. The pressure of being unbeatable is off when he lost to Mr. Federer in Paris last month, but he has remained in the zone. His defensive skills are incredible and he is not allowing himself to get too flustered on the court. Yes there are his usual antics of smashing racquets but that just seem to fuel him as he figures what he needs to do to win on the court and get it done.

I am 1 and don't you forget it

However, make no mistake about it, I am not writing off Mr. Divadal. He is an incredible player. He has surpassed expectations and set new limits. He has raised the level of the game itself even higher than the standards that Mr. Federer has set. Mr. Divadal has shown that winning the match is far more important than pretty shots. He is almost invincible at majors and he never ever ever goes quietly into the night. He makes little errors and one can never afford to waste break opportunities against him. Just ask Mr. Federer, had he taken half of those chances he had against Mr. Divadal, he would have been at 23 majors for sure by now. Divadal has won 20 straight matches here at Wimbledon and looking for a three-peat of sorts. D’Joker has to come with an A+ game that must hold up through the entire match. Any signs of waiver, Divadal will pounce and be all over that like a fat gurl at a BBQ.

Divadal is ready to jump for joy for a 3rd Wimbledon title

I am not going to lie, you know I want D’Joker Harlequeen to win, if for nothing else but to shut up the Divadal fans contingents. They get on my bloody nerves all the time. They make all manner of excuses for the Divadal whenever he loses but I know this match if and hopefully when he loses, they will have to shut their mouth. And you know how much Divadal gets on my nerves with his fake injuries. He better not try any of that shite on Center Court tomorrow because I will be demanding an inquiry into that by the ATP. I am happy that D’Joker Harlequeen is coming along nice on the tour just at the right time when Mr. Federer is getting ready for a grand exit. Not to worry I am not jumping on the D’Joker bandwagon. I am very loyal to my peeps. However, you know that I always hate judiciously and right now, D’Joker Harlequeen deserves a lil less hateration from me. Anyway, there is no need for hateration from my fanz and for us to be fighting over tennis because at the end of the day, the players all go back to the locker room together for a lil off court action and we are never invited much to my chagrin 🙂

Endless love on the ATP

The ladies trading beauty secret tips. Gurl, I like to put on two coats of mascara to make my eyes pop. Don't that make your eyes look huge...Nah not at all...your eyes are on fire...

The Witch obliterates the Banshee

In Caroline Wozniacki, Maria Sharapova, Petra Kvitova, Vera Zvonareva, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on July 2, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Well in this magical finals the Witch was up against the ever screaming Banshee and did the witch ever overcome that obstacle. I know people thought I was being crazy but I knew that Petra Kvitova (was told that it is suppose to be  pronounced kuh-VIT-uh-vuh) would be winning her first major this year over Maria Shriekapova at Wimbledon. And The Grand High Witch did so in fine style. Petra took out Maria 6-3 6-4 with her fat jelly belly roll and all. Kvitova now stands in the land of giants with other great Czech players Martina Navratilova and Jana Navotna who won 9 and 1 Wimbledon titles respectively.

Wimbledon 2011 Ladies Champion Petra Kvitova (Grand High Witch) of Czech Republic

The match started out and Shriekapova not known for her serve elected to let the Czech serve first. It was a wise move as Kvitova was broken. It seemed that Maria was on her way to a steamroller. However, in the next game, Maria’s major weakness was apparent for all the world to see as Petra broke back. I have to say that I watched the warmup before the match and Petra was moving her feet around, staying loose. However, Maria was a stiff as a board. She was not moving lithely at all and I knew then that she was move than beatable; she was “dismantable” Kvitova held serve her next service game and would later break in the 6th game to go up 4-2. This almost had the same feel of Shriekapova vs the Serenanator in 2004 with the Russian being the young upstart. However, back then Serenanator was not in the best of shape as she had just come off injury. Anyway, Shriekapova was on the defense for the rest of the set and lost it 3-6 as Kvitova took a 1-set to love lead.

Have to catch her breath...Shriekapova looked all out of sorts

The first set in the bag, half way to banishing this banshee. Maria was not ready for this jelly at all

The second set was more of the same as Maria could not hold serve as she double faulted on break point. It is her achilles tendon and she has yet to work on this problem. I was happy hear that her fans have stopped using the shoulder surgery as excuse because the real issue is that Shriekapova’s toss is way too high, upsetting her timing, she has poor technique and it mostly seem like a hope and a prayer in the night to get it in. The Witch was merely picking her spots as to where she wanted to cast her spells.

Sasha Vujacic trying to cheer his ladyfriend on...That's what every girl needs and some type of guys too, a HOT man in their corner

Banshee will not go quietly into the night

However, this is Shriekapova we are talking about and she will not go down without a fight. She will scream and screech her way to a win and for a moment it seemed that she was on her way to doing this. Shriekapova had not dropped a set throughout the tournament unlike her opponent and everyone felt that with her experience and her tenacity, she was going to put up a fight and in the end, she would be the victress. The witch had other ideas though. Shriekapova broke back and was level at 3-3 all in the 2nd set but GHW broke back immediately to go up 4-3. She held serve and was up 5-3. She was just a game away from her first Wimbledon title, from her first major win and for the first time in over 3 years, a young gal under 26 winning Wimbledon. Kvitova allowed the Banshee to show herself but not winning a point off her serve. Shriekapova held serve at love but was still down 4-5. Interestingly enough she got quiet around this time.

Sorry, that was not me screaming out a while ago...I would never do such a thing...hair flip

With two massive lefty forehand, a serve into the body and an ACE in her FACE, Kvitova had won Wimbledon 6-3 6-4 making her only the 3rd person since 2000 whose last name was not Williams to have taken the grass court title.

Holding up the Venus Dishwater Trophy

Itch you need to step back, you trying to steal my shine...I banish you. I am not joking. Does it look like I am joking?

Thank you very much you noisy nuisance

Hopefully Kvitova can start contending for majors. Who would have thought that Kvitova would be winning her first major over the likes of Fivehead (Jankovic), Danish Biscuit (Wozniacki) and CVera Zvonareva. Good luck for the rest of the year Kvitova, just don’t get any ideas in your head about stopping the Williams Sisters from shining because they need to be back in winner’s row. However, I congratulate you on doing an absolutely tremendous job. I knew you had it in you. Wonderful that you held your nerves and played a really great match. You beat my girl AzaRANKa but you stepped up to the plate and took your chances. Congratulations again from RTFN.

Wimbledon Weekend 2011

In Andy Murray, Bernard Tomic, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Maria Sharapova, Novak Djokovic, Petra Kvitova, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, Sabine Lisicki, Victoria Azarenka, Wimbledon on July 1, 2011 at 8:20 am

What a weekend this promises to be. I am so happy that there is a holiday this Monday because I might not be fit for duty after this weekend. Wimbledon is whining down and to say that there have been surprises would woefully understating matters. This is more a real quick update because I have not filled you in on matters. It was not out of shame and embarrassment because you knowz I keeps it realz with you all. Anyhow let us get to the Realz Newz. I have this feeling that I have forgotten to tell you all something. Hmmmm…I guess it might come to be later.

Are we at Wimbledon?? It's the Weekend and no Williams sister and/or Mr. Federer? This is a dream right?

The ladies: Well the finalz for the ladies have been set and it will be Maria Shriekapova vs Petra Kvitova (Kay-vit-o-va) aka The Grand High Witch… look I am not trying to be mean to the gurl bbut you know I keeps it realz and I dare anyone to tell me that Petra is not channeling Anjelica Houston from The Witches. I am sure she is a nice gurl.

Shriekapova showing she is more than a banshee

The Grand High Witch

Anyway both these ladies dismantled their opponents though GHW had a lil hiccup against Azarenka who again gave another underwhelming performance at a major. I think I am going to call her Victoria AzaRANKa as in a rank smell because she is plain ole stink. I really thought she could have really contend for a major this time around but alas…not the best of monikers but it will do for now. Shriekapova on the other hand, was masterclass on court as the German Lisicki did not stand a chance.

Victoria AzaRanka...yeah you are smelling your own shitty play on court

As for who I favor in the finalz, well a banshee vs a witch, I think I will go with the witch. It is not that I do not like Shriekapova, there is no denying that. However, the thing is that the WTA really need to have young people winning majors. These old itches have been winning the thing since 2008 Wimbledon. Since then, it has been the veteran players who been contending for majors and it is high time some new young blood get in there. Also I really do think that GHW can beat Maria. She has a lefty serve, big groundstrokes and though she is not fit, she does not have to worry because Shriekapova is not the best mover at all. It will be sweet justice to see a young upstart upset Maria as she upset the Serenanator in 2004. Yes I know Kvitova is not glamourous material and will not be selling make up or fancy dresses. However, if Madison Avenue does not want her perhaps Spielberg, Wes Craven or John Carpenter can feature her in their up coming films or she can even get a walk in role on TruBlood. See I believe there is something for everyone.

Mr. Shriekapova...this is Maria fiance. He plays for the Lakers I think and his name escapes me. He's also Russian too. I am not going to lie, he is not bad looking and they are both tall. They'll have huge goodlooking babies for sure

Anyway to the menz….it is lil secret now that Mr. Federer was sent packing in one of his own boxes and that resident hottie on our blog Baby Ali is through to his first Wimbledon semi finals. I believe I let you know that D’Joker took out Tomic is what proved to be a much tougher match than either he or I expected. However, I neglected to tell you that Mr. Divadal took out Mardy Fish former Whale in 4 sets. Mr. Divadal came out swinging and the F Whale was hardly able to breath….oh I am going to call Mardy Fish former Whale, Mardy Flipper because he has brought himself down to a slender sleek size. Anyways, it was only Lochness Monster of the Top 4 aka the Four horsemen of Apocalypse who had a very easy time. He took out FeFe in straight sets.

So today, which is the men’s semis will see Baby Ali vs. D’Joker Harlequeen and Lochness Monster vs Mr. Divadal. See this is really a toss up.

Baby Ali....this one is for you Kimmie

Harlequeen, you know that bag is going into the nook of his arm right...you can just see it already

OMG! OMG! Did you just see that? It's the Lochness Monster....They said it was not real! Oh my god! Take a picture so that I can upload it to facebook!

Mr. Divadal practicing for this next fake "injury" Oh my...I got a toothache...can the trainer come out and bring a bottle of Momentum Killer for my opponent over there cause he is not going to beat me today.

So as for my take on the menz…well I will really love it for Tsonga to win it all. I mean he is a complete outsider and it will be really great for the game to have someone way out of left field win it. Beast Boy was not so much a surprise because before his wrist injury he had been awfully close to that level and his match against Mr. Divadal showed that he is almost there on that level again. Anyway, in order for Baby Ali to get to the top, he has to beat 3 of the top 4 players in the world and that is a TALL GRANDE, GINORMOUS task. He has beaten all those players and as a matter of fact he has a 5-2 record against D’Joker so it might not be so over for him as many would like to think. France need a major winner as they last had one in in 1983 I think. In regards to Lochness Monster vs Mr. Divadal. Nessie has played progressively well throughout this tournament and Mr. Divadal has been the one to drop sets here and there. So I will give the slight edge to Nessie especially since the crowd will be favoring him. However, this is Mr. Divadal we are talking about and not some low level player. Divadal has not lost a match here since 2007 winning the titles in 2008 and 2010. He is not going anywhere quietly. It will not be fair for me to predict because they are all equally matched. I will only say who I want to win and again that is Baby Ali. So don’t forget to tune into NBC and watch tennis “Breakfast at Wimbledon” though the matches are actually played at around 2:00 p.m. British time, at 9:00 a.m. our time on both Saturday and Sunday for the matches.

Anyway, for the longest, we have not had a hottie section…well it will allegedly be a scorcher this weekend and I am going to heat things up with our hottie of the day. Someone accused me of making scathing comments about Baby Ali…(How dare they?) and I know there is one special gal out there loving them some Baby Ali so here it is, our Resident Hottie

If the body is the temple of the Lord, I want to be worshipping here come Sunday...RTF is fully behind you Baby Ali and I mean fully behind you.

Hmmm oh la la la la

Baby Ali's baby brother Enzo Tsonga (he is legal. I checked 21 and he plays with balls too. On the French junior basketball team) However, what I really want to know is if it is still considered incest if they are not touching each other but only touching me and I'm touching them? It isn't right?

Oh yes... I will be sitting on the first pew front row, so that I can catch the entire sermon and of course for bible study when one gets to study the word up close and in depth

Well I can hardly be bias and not show some other bodies

Bernard Tomic ....you know we never ever hate on the skinny itches but it just does not compare to Baby Ali

D'Joker is no oversized queen at all

Tyler Hamilton (L) Formula 1 racer... and don't know who the other guy is but I am sure no one objects to a second helping of chocolate ice scream

Definitely deserves two scoops

How does one really become an ATP trainer??

Okay is not really a hottie moment and I am not seething over the Mr. Federer loss. However, I want to draw your eyes a lil wayz down... is Mr. Federer being lude? I mean I am not going to lie he is carrying a big package in this delivery but come on brother, a proper jock strap? I can literally see where it begins and ends.