Wimbledon 2014: Day 2

Day 2

So here we are with Day 2 at the 2014 Wimbledon Championships. Nearly all matches were completed and most of the big names got through to the 2^nd round. However, there were some upsets mostly on the women’s side. The men seem to be in it for the money; 1^st round money is very good but 2^nd round money is even better.

Divadal finally made it to the 2nd round of a grass court tournament

Divadal (2) won his 1^st round match … well that is to say that he finally won a match on grass. He took out Martin Klizan 4-6 6-3 6-3 6-3. Interestingly enough they met last year at the French Open in the 2^nd round. The scoreline was the same. Klizan had his chances to do much more but he could not execute on the big points. Divadal does not look so smooth but it does not matter. A win is a win. You don’t win a major in the first week but you sure can lose one. Things are even more interesting because guess who Divadal is playing in the 2^nd round …. None other than Lukas Rosol himself; the man who started Divadal’s troubles on grass back in 2012 when he dismissed him at Wimbledon in the 2^nd round. After that loss, Divadal disappeared from tour claiming “The Knees were acting up.” He returned to the tour in February 2013. Divadal did not lose a single match on hard court all of 2013. Now I am not starting any rumours here, I am just stating facts. Rosol took out French hotness Benoit Paire in his opening round match 6-3 3-6 7-6 6-4. It is very very very very unlikely that Rosol will score another upset but non-fanz of Divadal will be ever hopeful that lightening will strike twice.

SHIT! I thought I was going to get that upset today

Anyway we digress, Baby Ali (14) finished up his match against Meltdown by serving it out at love 6-1 3-6 3-6 6-2 6-4. When rain interrupted play on Monday, Baby Ali was up 5-4 in the 5^th. Also finishing up his match was Sam Querrey aka The Grinch. He knocked out fellow American Bradley Klahn 6-7 6-4 6-1 7-5.

Even though he only played one game today, you know we hardly need an excuse to show Baby Ali

Mr. Federer (4) won his match with relative ease 6-1 6-1 6-3. He took out Italian Paolo Lorenzi. Mr. Federer had 9 aces, 40 winners and 20 errors. However, a lot of those errors came about as a result of poor execution. I can’t deal with a sloppy Federror. He needs to do better. His level of play will suffice for the scrubs and lower tiers of the ATP but when he meets the likes Goonie Gulbis, Divadal et al, it will not hold up at all. Nonetheless we move on: Fellow Swiss player, Stan the Man (5) or “Stanimal” as he being called… for me Wawrinka cannot be a “Stanimal” when he is losing regular tour matches to scrubs on a regular basis. When he has multiple majors and master series title, then he’ll be “Stanimal” for now he is just “Stan the Man” who beat Divadal’s @$$ in the Aussie Open final causing Divadal to claim “bad back.” Anyway, Stan the Man took out hotness Joao Sousa 6-3 6-4 6-3. Stan had 18 aces. That’s some big boy serving.

Mr. Federer

Stan the Man

Other seeded players who won include up and coming contenders Milos Raonic aka Dennis the Menace (8), BFG Isner (9), Kei Nishikori (10), Richard Gasquet (13) who needed 5 sets to get rid of his opponent, James Duckworth 6-7 6-3 3-6 6-0 6-1. Jerzy Janowicz (15) also needed 5 sets to get past Somdev Dewarman 4-6 6-3 6-3 3-6 6-3. FeFe Lopez (19) who must be super exhausted having played two weeks of tennis coming into this tournament. Lopez won three tiebreaker sets to move through to the 2^nd round. Philipp Kohlschreiber (22) won in straight sets as did Beetlejuice (24). Tommy Robredo (22) won his 1^st round match in 4 sets.

I gotta say that one arm bit looks really cool on Dennis the Menace Raonic

Several players of interest also won today including Nick Kyrgios of Australia (a hottie, if you like that thickish of Greek and Malay heritage) and fellow Aussie Llyeton Hewitt. Gilles Muller who took out Andy Roddick in 2005 1^st round also won as did American Jock Sock, Lukas Kubot, quarterfinalist here last year, Jarrko Nieminen and Mikhail Kukushkin. There were several upsets including unseeded Alejandro Falla who did well on the grass leading up to Wimbledon; he lost in straight sets to Ante Pavic of Croatia. Guillermo Garcia-Lopez (28) lost to Dusan Lajovic in 5 sets; Ivo Karlovic (29) lost in straight sets to Franck Dancevic and Dimitri Tursunov (32) lost to Denis Istomin. So that’s about it for the men’s.

BFG Isner will now be known as the Troll

Oh I just want to point you to a story regarding John Isner aka BFG … (See link below) http://trollandgarros.tumblr.com/post/89253044033/isner-puts-his-white-privilege-on-display-says-the  It is a really good read. See I really have an issue with Isner’s comments. First off, I do not know why or how he felt he had the necessary “credentials” to weigh in on this matter. However, I like the fact that the author of this piece served up some “truth tea detox” Second since I am in FULL agreement … well let me know say full but I am with the author on many of his salient points AND also somewhat dismayed by Isner’s ensuing comments when others tried to enlighten him; I am going to change Isner’s name. From henceforth, BFG which means Big Friendly Giant will just still be “Troll” or perhaps “Mountain Troll” I would really like to hear from you on this matter. I do not understand how people can think “Redskins” is okay to be calling a professional football time. I mean I do not even know why the sport is even called “football” but we not even going to touch that one.

BFG is now a Troll

On the women’s side: The Serenanator (1) is looking good. She had a tough opening service game which took her 10 minutes to complete. She later said that she played well but the girl was hitting some good shots. Anyway, the demons did not come out because the Serenanator was all over Ana Tatishivili as she took her out 6-1 6-2. She had 31 winners of which 16 were aces and 13 unforced errors. Those are some healthy numbers; very very healthy and positive. Hopefully she keeps this up because the road ahead is going to be intense and there can be no letting up of the focus and intensity.

The Serenanator is ready to do battle at Wimbledon

Simona Halep (3) who I swear looks like the Koolaid Juice Jug (I know it is wrong but I swear it is what comes to mind every single time) also had a quick affair on the court. She moved through in straight sets as did Bratzwanska (4), Shriekapova (5) who is supposedly looking good 6-1 6-0 but judging by the numbers, 13 winners, 9 errors, 3 aces and 5 double faults, 43% on 2^nd serve, I am going to say “meh.” This is Shriekapova just handling the Lady planktons with her usual ruthless flair. Carebear Kerber (9) took out lil sis Radwanska in straight sets also. Ivanovic The Terrible (11) was almost in trouble against Francesco Schiabone. However, it seemed as though Schiabone had other ideas in mind than winning the big points. Maybe it was the longer hair or the slight attempt to feminize herself that was mucking up her game. Who knows and who cares? Anyway, Ana won in straight sets. 2013 finalist Sabine Losicki (19) also won in straight sets. The German took out Israeli Julia Glushko 6-2 6-1.

I think Shriekapova is going to a picnic or something with that much bags

Other seeded players who came through include Genie Bouchard (13), Carlo Suarez-Navarro (15), Danish Biscuit Wozniacki (16), Kristopher Flipkens (24) last year’s semifinalist, Cornemort (25) and Klara Koukalova (31) who took out American Taylor Townsend in straight sets 7-5 6-2. Other winners of interest are Jie Zheng, Madison Keys who took out another young hopeful Monica Puig in straight sets, Varvane Lepchenko who dismissed Tsetvana Pironkova (Granny Vee thanks you Lepchenko), Heather Watson of England, Belinda Bencic of Switzerland and Camila Giorgi of Italy.

Bye Gurl Pironkova! Bye!

There were several key upsets on the ladies side biggest of which was Fivehand Jungle Witch Jankovic (7) who was dismantled by Kaia Kanepi, quarterfinalist here last year. Kanepi took care of business 6-3 6-2. Fattychunkova (26) lost in 3 sets to American Alison Riske as did fellow Russian Kuzi Rex (28) who lost to Michelle Larcher De Brito. Roberta Vinci (21) and doubles partner Sara ETranni (14) will be concentrating solely on doubles this Wimbledon as they were both booted out of the singles draw in three sets. Vinci lost to Donna Vekic 4-6 6-4 4-6 and ETranni lost to Caroline Garcia 6-2 6-7 5-7. Sorana Cirstea (29) was also sent packing when she lost to American qualifier Victoria Duval 4-6 6-3 1-6. American Christina McHale was also dismissed.

I was this close to winning the match!

Kuzi-Rex what a disappointment!!

Anyway, that’s all folks … Day 3 action will feature Lochness Monster, Djoker, Granny Vee, GHW Kvitova, Tampomic, Maria’s hangbag Dimitrov, Bratzwanska, Berdshite and many others… So PLEASE check us out. DO NOT FORGET TO COMMENT even if just about the pictures…

So Bartoli showed up on Centre Court and she was all teary eye … I too got all teary eye watching this hideous outfit unfold (White and off white lace combination and the necklace #icant)

Now I don’t want to hate but really gurl? Really? Those shoes? I think they are to hide her infamous cankles but still

Even Lisicki is like WTF?? Gurl what happened? Those shoes honey are just You look…you look… you look so plentiful. Eating well in retirement I see”  Meanwhile, what is that stain on the bottom of that “dress” ? Actually, I don’t wanna know

Joao Sousa from Portugal

Martin Klizan, you might be a loser in the 1st round but you’re a winner in our hearts here at Realz… and we have a “special prize” for you

You lost on the tennis court today Daniela but you’re definitely winning in fashion court

Veteran hottie around these parts is looking a bit weathered but he can still get it

We don’t even know his name and we’re not even trying to find out either….What we need to know is where he’s staying

Lisicki looking cute as ever … we’re gonna ignore the snaggletooth

Beetlejuice… gurl.. this is definitely not cute even by your standards

Beetlejuice got himself cornrows … Definitely has not improved his look but to be honest, it doesn’t hurt it either

Of course you we gotta talk about Carlo

Francisco is trying to give us femme realness

I’ve fallen….

And I can’t get up

Gurl, why you acting like a heifer eating the grass? We don’t behave like that at Wimbledon

Don’t you wish you had a sexy coach like me

Tiann, I think Danish Biscuit is saying hello to you …. and she’s being a bit insensitive about the matter

Hewitt is going all out to stay in the game

Mrs. Hewitt keeping tabs on her “investment” This mofo better not get injured again

Is Patrick M going to sing an aria?

He is channeling some soprano realness here

Cornemort had a nose bleed on court … blood magic I say … blood magic!!

Now we have discussed “Gayneisa” here before; where “straight” guys blame their homosexual tendencies on liquor. “I got really wasted with the guys again and then one thing (my pants) lead to another (their pants) and then another (the undies) and next thing you know, his penis was in my mouth and mine was in his. I don’t know why that keep happening. I sobered up and was like Broooo we are never doing this again”

Gaynesia is not to be confused with just being “gay” BIG DIFFERENCE

This is gaynesia. See the different? Good

 Now we have a new Realz term for you: “Gaylusion” this is where straight women cannot seem to see they’re a fag hag. I mean look at this scene. Holla if you believe there is a straight couple in the midst wearing a yellow shirt .. those two girls to the side in those short shorts may have just realized that this just might not be where they need to be at “Gurl, I don’t think any of these guys are our types. Really? Why you say that? Gurl look at the front row, it’s a men’s chorale up in here. Look at that soprano in the green shorts! We need to go.” Lady in the red cap, she definitely knows the dealio. Girls, these boys are strictly dickly! 

Meanwhile, YESSS I finally won a match on grass

Now check out my pocketbook. Isn’t it just FABULOUS

Simona Halep

The Koolaide Jug … enough said

 

Wimbledon 2014 Preview Part II: The Ladies

So the ladies are set for the major of all the majors, Wimbledon. Very few ladies enjoy this tournament because this is the place where “pushing” and “looping” the ball around do not count. Those pushers and loopers die early out there. You have to have some power in your arsenal as well as deadly kill shots if you intend to do well. Even if you sneak into the final, your opponent will just crush you for days. Ask Vera Zvonavera (2010) and Bratzwanska (2012).  Therefore look for the “big girls” to do well; Serenanator, Shriekapova, Ebony Starr (one is hoping and praying), Losicki, Grand High Witch Kvitova etc etc. They are the ones who if they keep their head cool and their game tight, will be the ones in the final. Anyway, I do not have much to say about the ladies because they haven’t done much of consequence lately.

Last year’s finalists Bartoli and Losicki

Just like the men, the draw of 128 has been broken down into the Top Half (Serenanator and Halep) and the Bottom Half (LiNaLi and Bratzwanska). Each half was then further broken down into Quarters. Again, I am not going to make any real predictions but give a likely scenario and speak of possible interesting matchups. We need not make a fool of ourselves by speaking of prediction because we saw how that turned out last time at the French. I mean seriously, Serenanator lost to Muguruza in the 2^nd round. Venus losing to some Schmediova. Really gurl? Really? By the end of the first week, nearly the entire top 10 was out of the competition. You do not even need to ask but you know I was not handling this Shriekapova victory well at all. I couldn’t deal!

Anyway, the lead up tournaments to Wimbledon were all won by unlikely candidates; Ivanovic the Terrible got her life together and brought Ana to the court to win her first grass court title in Birmingham, Coco Vandeweghe…yeah that Coco Vandeweghe won ‘s-Hertogenbosch which is in Holland I think if I am not mistaken and another American Madison Keys won Eastbourne. These winners are not known for their grass court prowess but it will be interesting to see what happens to them at Wimbledon. Speaking of Wimbledon, unlike for the men, the committee decided not to touch the women’s seedings. The top 32 ranked players were seeded as such. They didn’t even move up Shriekapova (5) or Ebony Starr (30). I mean if you are going to bump up the likes of Andreas Seppi from 34^th in the world to 25^th seed Tabasco Verdasco from 23^rd to 18^th seed and Jerzy Janowicz from 24^th to the 15^th seed then demote Stan W who is 3^rd in the world to 5^th seed and put World’s number one Divadal who won only a single match in 2 years at Wimbledon as the number 2 seed, you might as well apply some of this inane logic to the ladies. I am just saying that Cibulkova doesn’t deserve to be 10^th seed and who are we kidding with LiNaLi being the number 2 seed and D’Stove Stosur as the 17^th seed. Anyway, I digress..

TOP HALF

Quarter 1: Serenanator [1] v Shriekapova [5]

So the Serenanator has been having issues at the majors. She has been a mess as of late by her own standards. However, Wimbledon is her favourite place to play and she is looking for her 6^th Wimbledon crown. If she is set her year right, Wimbledon is definitely the place to begin. She has a somewhat tough draw, possibly facing fellow American Christina McHale aka McFail in the 2^nd round, then in the 3^rd round Alize Cornet aka Cornemort (23) who beat her in Dubai semifinal this year and a very hot Genie Bouchard (13) in the Round of 16. Then on top of all of that, she can face Shriekapova (5) in the quarterfinals which would the 10^th anniversary of their meeting in the 2004 final when Shriekapova simply crushed the Serenanator. Ironically, it has been nearly 10 years since Shriekapova last beat the Serenanatnor. Andreas Petkovic (20) is also in this section of the draw as a possible 3^rd round opponent for the American.

As of late S in Serenanator has come to mean, S for Struggle

Things are not so easy for reigning French Open champion Shriekapova either. She not only have to factor in that if she wants to win Wimbledon she will need to solve her Serenanator problem in the quarterfinals but first there is also Anastasia Pavlychenkova (26) aka Fattychunkova or Camila Giorgi in the 3^rd round and Carebear Kerber (9) in the Round of 16. Now these ladies, Fattychunkova, Giorgi and Kerber aren’t really worthy opponents for Shriekapova but they have shown in the past that they can beat her and they will be looking for win here if for nothing else but to shut her up. She has really grown quite full of herself as of late. Shriekapova will be looking for the French Open/Wimbledon double which has not been done on the ladies side since the Serenanator in 2002.

Shriekapova getting that practice in

Quarter 2: Halep [3] v Fivehead Jungle Witch Jankovic [7]

The 2014 French Open finalist, Halep (3) should have an easy enough time getting to the Round of 16 which she would possibly face the winner of the Ivanovic the Terrible (11) or Sabine Losicki (19) 3^rd round match. Ivanovic the Terrible will have to get past Francesco Schiabone in the 1^st round. Fivehead Jankovic (7) might be facing Halep in the quarters but there is Yaroslava Shvedova lurking in the 2^nd round. There is an interesting 1^st round matchup of Madison Keys v Monica Puig. This is worth watching. This section is about as easy a section as one can be. So watch out for a breakthrough star/unknown to come out of this region.

Halep trying to win her 1st major

BOTTOM HALF

Quarter 3: Bratzwanska [4] v Vickie [8]

I am so happy that Vickie is back on the tour. She is a delight to watch and I know she would spare me from some of the silliness I have seen on the tour during her absence. I am happy that she is back. She lost in her first round encounter in Eastbourne last week but I am sure she will get better at this tournament. Last year she had to pull out in the 2^nd round I think due to injury but in 2012 she made the semis and also won an Olympic bronze medal. So she can play on the stuff. She is an unpredictable factor in this section of the draw. She also has to with Garbine Muguruza (27) or Coco Vandeweghe in the 3^rd round and the winner of the 3^rd round matchup of Cibuttkova (10) and Lucie Safarova (23) aka Lady Gollum in the Round of 16.

Vickie is eager to get back on the court of another major

Bratzwanska (4) did not have the French Open that she would have preferred. She didn’t even make it past the 3^rd round if I am not mistaken. She has to deal with Kuzi-Rex (28) in the 3^rd round. Tsvetana Pironkova and Varvarne Lepchenko who play each other in the 1^st round could be a possible 4^th round opponent. There is also Sara Errani (14) in this section of the draw. Alien v Predator (Errani) has to get past France’s Caroline Garcia.

Quarter 4: LiNaLi (2) v GHW Kvitova (6)

GHW showing off her magic works

2011 Champion Kvitova (6) is looking to recapture the magic here. She has been a sorta no-show for most tournaments since that historic win several years ago. She also found herself in scandal when she recently started dating Shark Boy Radek Stapenek. However, she dumped the ugly troll recently and might be more focused on her tennis. Ebony Starr aka Venus Williams (30) is in this section of the draw and could face Kvitova in the 3^rd round. Seriously, Venus is capable of getting to the finals. HONESTLY she can do this. However, we are talking about Venus here and relying on her to do good things is like quitting your job and banking on winning the lottery to support yourself. #foolish #uttermadness. Nonetheless, on a personal note, I feel this is my best option right now in life since I am unemployed. So do not count Venus out. Slowe Stephens (18) who has shown a propensity to play well at majors is also in this section of the draw. However, she has Maria Krazilenko in the 1^st round. This might be a tough draw for the American especially since Krazilenko, 2012 quarterfinalist, can really play on this stuff.

This is Venus’s look for this year’s Wimbledon… I am a mehh for this one. Not the best but certainly not the worst

The sisters are playing doubles this year

LiNaLi should make the quarters; emphasis on SHOULD. This section is not loaded as other sections. There are Danish Biscuit Wozniacki (16) and Sam D’Stove Stosur (17) lurking about in these parts. Neither player has shown herself to be competent on grass. Albeit that LiNaLi isn’t known for her fine play on grass. However, Danish Biscuit and D’Stove have “somewhat tough” opening round matches. Danish Biscuit plays Shahar Peer and D’Stove plays Yanina Wickmayer.

LiNaLi is trying to create some energy behind her name here at Wimbledon. She has basically flatlined since Melbourne

Can someone tell me why Judy Murray is outside in pjs.

This concludes the ladies’ draw. Now who do you think will emerge as champion and why? Comment below!

I know many of you might not think the Preview’s are Realz’s usual realzness. However, there is a Part III looking at the WTA cocktail event. Be sure to tune in.

French Open 2013: Jour 7

Day 7 at the French Open saw the weather cooperating mightily with the French Tennis Federation as the weather was beautiful and so was the tennis. Well at least on the men’s side.

Let’s deal with the ladies: Francesco Schiavone did the world a favour by taking out Marion Bartoli (13) out of these championships. I was tired of seeing her. Usually I am not a big big hater of the Frenchwoman but as of late, she bugs me. I cannot deal with the messiness she brings on court. Schiabone was playing around as she recaptured her 2010/2011 French Open form and dispatched Fatoli 6-2 6-1. There were no heroics from her today and she just had to accept the 2 piece and breadstick with scathing humility.

Schiabone was laying into Bartoli like she was a Christmas ham. Poor Fatoli could barely stand

Meanwhile, it was not a good day for the other Frenchwoman in the draw, Alize Cornet. Cornet came out strong against Vickie and for a while, she looked like she was about to do it. Ordinarily, Vickie’s serve is not her greatest strength but yesterday, it was providing to be her greatest weakness. She was double faulting like Elena Dementieva aka The Demented One. It was not a pretty sight. Cornet took the 1st set and for half a set it looked like she was really going to cause this upset. However, a cat will always be a cat even when trying to be a dog. You knew it was only a matter of time before she started to act like a French player. Choking, erratic shots, poor serving going for impossible shots and Vickie just jumped all over that one. Cornet was bounced before she knew it 4-6 6-3 6-1 Vickie.

Cornet lost her way half through the match and couldn’t find a lifeline for nothing

Maria Krazilenko and her compatriot Shriekapova were both tested in their matches but pulled through in the end in straight sets. Krazilenko beat Stephanie Voegele 7-6 7-5 and Shriekapova beat Jie Zheng 6-1 7-5. Krazilenko and Shriekapova will face Bethanie Mattek-Sands and fellow American Slaone Stephens in the Round of 16. Both Americans held it together beautifully to get through their 3rd round opponents. At one point it looked like they might choke it all away but they got their shit together. Mattek-Sands knocked out Paula Ormaechea 4-6 6-1 6-3 and Stephens beat Marina Erakovic of New Zealand 6-4 6-7 6-3 Nice to see the American women stepping it up.

Kvitova is just having a rough time since winning 2011 Wimbledon and here comes the waterworks

And speaking of American ladies, Jaime Hampton had one of the biggest wins of her career when she knocked out GHW Kvitova in straight sets no less. I have pointed out that Kvitova is on the walkabout these days. Since her 2011 Wimbledon victory she has been to the moon and deep outer space of tennis badlands. This head witch hardly knows where her head is most matches as she can barely put together a decent match of tennis. Lately her serve is her greatest liability after her head. Hampton capitalised on it all to win 6-1 7-6

American Jaime Hampton

In other news of upset Sam D’Stove Stosur just got herself bounced from the French after showing such great form. She got dispatched by none other than Fivehead JungleWitch Jankovic. I mean Samantha what the hell? You’re killing Aussi fans with the bullshite. I can’t with you losing 6-3 3-6 4-6 to the likes of Fivehead JungleWitch Jankovic.

Just sucks to be me right now!!

Fivehead JungleWitch Jankovic is finding herself back

On the men’s side, Djoker Harlequeen came out hard against Dimitrov. Whatever notion the Bulgarian was harbouring of causing some kinda improbable win over the Serb as he did in Madrid was quickly dismissed when Djoker dropped that first two piece on his plate. Grigor knew then that Novak was not skylarking with him. This is the majors boo and we do not give out free match wins. No girl, the only thing that is going to be upset out here is your stomach. 6-2 6-2 6-3.

Yeah thanks for coming but I think you need lay off the Sugarpova before you can beat me again

Kohlschreiber was similarly brutal in his match against Hanescu. Bagel and breadstick were toasting in the oven. It was all Hanescu could do in the 2nd set to force a tiebreaker. 6-0 7-6 6-1 Kohlschreiber. Richard Gasquet and Wawrinka both had relatively easy time in their respective encounters. Gasquet took out veteran Davydenko in straight sets 6-4 6-4 6-3 and Wawrinka dismissed up and coming Janowicz in 4 sets 6-3 6-7 6-3 6-3.

BFG Big Friendly Giant was trying to squeak out a 2nd consecutive 5 setter. Don’t make that face again

Tommy Haas is having himself a wonderful year this year as he finds himself in the Round of 16 of another major. It has been a while since we have seen Haas in form and seeing as he is 33/34, might not see him on tour for much longer. He took on the hard hitting American BFG. It was a highly competitive match. Haas won the 1^st 2 sets followed by Isner winning the next 2. They went all the way in the 5^th set. Haas came out on top 7-5 7-6 4-6 6-7 10-8. This was the 2^nd 5-setter Isner played and though he does not have the greatest record in these matches, he played valiantly. You have earned Realz Respect, which in these parts means a lot.

Youzhny is a head case. Can he keep it together in the next round vs Haas??

The Douche got placed in the outhouse!!

Haas will face Mikhail Youzhny who can be such an inconsistent player (most Russians are) but today he is definitely consistent. He took out Doucharevic in straight sets. I have to say that I am very surprised that Douchie got this far because his form coming into this tournament was very suspect. However, he managed to squeak out two wins in the first two rounds and found himself outplayed by the Russian. Youzhny 6-4 6-4 6-3.

Kei Nishikori. This picture is posted special for fanz who is all about getting on this Kei Fish

Kei Nishikori played the Beautiful Benoit who has been playing relatively well these few days. However, Nishikori was all over him throughout the match and though Benoit won the 2^nd set, tiebreaker, he played miserably for much of the match particularly in the last two sets. It was though he was erratic on purpose. It is just as well because had he won the match, he would have been facing Divadal. Nishikori 6-3 6-7 6-4 6-1.

Benoit looking like he about to take a dump was most definitely playing shite out on court for much of the match

Divadal has looked particularly vulnerable throughout these championships. His serve is breakable, his shots missing and hardly imposing as has been the case through his 7 French Open titles. It might just be that he is at his A- level. However, he is somewhat struggling against mediocre players. He won his match over Fognini in straight sets 7-6 6-4 6-4 but it was hardly a convincing victory. I mean it hard to bet against Divadal at the French; the  man played here for 8 consecutive years and lost only 1 match during the 8 years: IMPRESSIVE. However, never have I seen him look so vulnerable as he has this year. I am not sure what he is going through but if he continues to look this way, someone else might just pull off the upset.

She is pumped and charged to claim her 8th French Open title in 9 years

A diva is never complete without the proper attire and the right accessories! #divagear

Oh Fognini what do we have here? How do I see the rest of it?

WTF? Why the hell are you trying to grab my ass? I do not know you like that!

French Open 2013: Jour 6

Day 6 at the French Open saw organizers trying to get back on schedule because of the almost washout of play on Day 5. Matches were played back to back and of course Divadal had some complaining to do. However, we will deal with that mess in another paragraph. Right now, let us get with the ladies.

I mean look at this mess! Is she serious??

Marion Bartoli had another tough match but this time around she did not drop a set. She overcame her opponent who just could not close out a set. It was horrible because Bartoli is not playing well in the least but she is competing well enough. I for one am not a fan of her style of play because it is far too inconsistent to be admiring it for it is “uniqueness.” I dare not use the word that comes to mind to describe Bartoli’s on court antics. In other newz, Shriekapova was able to finish off her match against her Canadian opponent, moving through to the 3^rd round in straight sets.

Destruction in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…..

Both the Serenanator and Sara Errani were in complete control of their matches handing out fresh baked bagels on their way to the round of 16. Maria Kirilenko aka Krazilenko has also looked very impressive in her matches as she has yet to drop a set and is really looking like she might cause trouble in this draw. 2010 champ and 2011 finalist, Francesco Schiabone is also finding her groove/form at this tournament. The Italian has been thrown back to the wilderness obscurity and does not like it. She is playing well here at this tournament and looks to regain some of her fame. She took out another manish poser Flipkens of Belgium in 3 sets. Stephanie Voegele took out Kaia Kanepi in 3 sets as well. Meanwhile, Kuzi-Rex 2009 champion took out one of my peeps, Bojana Jovanovski in straight sets. Hopefully, we will see more of Jovanovski. Roberta Vinci will also be in the Round of 16.

Francesco Schiabone is all pumped up for the French and clearly that’s not the only thing pumped out there

Carla Suarez-Navarro seems to have found her kinetic energy after displaying all that raw potential in the past. She has quietly moved through to the 4^th round. Also moving quietly is the 2009 Champion Ana Ivanovic the Terrible. It seems like she has conquered some of her demons as she knocked out Virginie Razzano. Angelique Carebear Kerber took out American Lepchenko in 3 sets. Very difficult match for the German has she had failed to beat the American in their 3 previous meeting.

Thank you for coming but the Federer express is leaving you at this stop

On the men’s side of the draw: Mr. Federer faces some tough obstacles ahead of him if he wishes to take his 2^nd French Open title. He has to deal with more than just the French crowd but also the host nation’s top players. First up is Julien Benneteau who beat him their last match up in Miami if I am not mistaken. However, overcoming an early break (and the fact that I put the fear of God into him for dropping his serve in the opening set), Mr. Federer just paved through the Frenchman in straight sets. Baby Ali Tsonga had to deal with his fellow Frenchman Jeremy Chardy but Ali KO’ed him in straight sets as well. Gasquet also looked comfortable against his opponent and took him out in straight sets. Gilles Simon almost looked down for the count but he overcame the challenge that is the Grinch, Sam Querry. Simon had to close out the match in 5 sets.

The Grinch may have stole Christmas but Simon stole this match from him

Things were not so great for his flashy countryman, Gael Monfils aka Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice had veteran Tommy Robredo pinned the corner and took a 2 sets to love lead. However, the Spaniard is fighting to reclaim his top form of several years ago. He came back roaring taking the match in 5 sets. It was a very entertaining match and very good on Robredo to stick to the sport and fight for his life. He was playing qualifiers recently. Now he is seeded 32^nd and in the 4^th round of a major!!! YEAHHHHHH Also I hope that Monfils keep up this level of maturity and confident style of play. He is capable of being heavily featured in the Top 10 especially when the likes of Tipsarevic is a solid No 8 in the world. Really!!

Is it over? I am just going to take a nap right here on the clay!

Speaking of Spanish players, Fiery Ferrer took out his countryman Fefe Lopez in straight sets. Fellow Spaniard Almagro got through to the 4^th round. However, Tabasco Verdasco could not mount enough reserve energy to knock out the 8^th seed, Janko Tipsarevic aka Doucharevic. Janko won in 5 sets. Janko has got further than I thought he would have had him and so has fellow Serbian Victor Troicki who beat the 10^th seed Marin Cilic in straight sets. I was most certainly not pleased with this result since I love me some Chin Cilic.

Chin Cilic never gets his life together at majors.

BFG, John Isner had to overcome fellow American Ryan Harrison. It was a tough match for both players already dealing with the lagging schedule and neither has a good record in 5 set matches. However, BFG held it together better and won the match 8-6 in the 5th. BFG came back from being down 2 sets to love. BFG is not the only big guy to have won on this big. Jerzy Janowicz won in 4 sets. He will join Kevin Anderson who beat Milos Raonic while Wawrinka is showing some strength at this major as he too made it to the Round of 16.

Big head Jerzy getting to his 1st 3rd round of a major

Klizan almost killed Divadal out there but got caught up in the moment and lost it all

I cannot believe I almost closed up this posting and did not deal with Divadal. Now home gurl was a mess yet again in her match. The Spanish Rose was playing Martin Klizan of Slovak Republic. Now, I hardly ever heard of this player before in my life but here he was making big noise against the legendary Divadal. Klizan took the 1st set and for a moment almost seemed like he was going to take a 2nd but the Divadal reigned it in and re-grouped. She just laid into him there after to win the match 4-6 6-3 6-3 6-3. This is rather surprising behaviour from Divadal as she usually crush these no-namers, Challenge Circuit Hall of Famers for breakfast. However, I am not really here to talk about this particular hurdle for Divadal but it is what she went on about in the press conference.

Now, this is not pure hateration though I know a lot of people will accuse me of this. Divadal is no light bulb. He a quintessential jock and owning to the aristocratic history of tennis, he cleans up well and dons this pseudo nice boy act. However, Divadal got into the press conference after his 2nd round win and started to complain about the scheduling saying that women’s and doubles players were being given priority over him. That the scheduling was not favouring because his next round opponent finished, Fognini finished yesterday. I do not understand why Divadal is complaining. What were the organizers to do? Demand that the heavens cease pouring down so that Divadal could complete him match? It was not Fognini’s fault that you decide to monkey around with Klizan and not get an easy victory. You are a tennis player, if you do not want weather to affect you, pick up an indoor sport. This boy needs to shut his mouth because never have I ever heard him say anything of substance and/or relevance. I have had it on good authority that his English is not the problem because he acts the same way in Spanish. I think the organizers should send him out to play on Court 17 so that he could finish up his match early. I swear she complains for everything especially when conditions are not in his favourite. Watch if he were to lose he start talking about how the scheduling affected his play. He is such an immature git.

These lil itches be trying to come for me. They must not know bout me. Lord Clay Divadal!! GURL, Your hair is a MESS

Tomorrow will see the completion of all the 3rd round matches. Anyway, I will close on this note. I kinda feel like I have forgotten to note results of other matches but at this point, I can hardly see the point.

And the word is L: Schiabone giving you fem boy realness

The boys of the WTA

Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

You think it is right I have to look at this ugliness all match long?

What you itches looking at?

Oh gard, the Serenanator’s beatdown is giving me a headache

Oh good lord, he’s hung like donkey kong!!!

Oh Harrison, WTF with these pants?

Virginie….WTMFF? You are wearing a dress over a gorilla suit?

You think those mofos are over there talking about us? I know that skank ain’t saying shit about me.

Wait I think those fcukers are talking about us! Really? Hold me back because I am about to punch one of them in the face