Wimbledon 2014: Day 2

Day 2

So here we are with Day 2 at the 2014 Wimbledon Championships. Nearly all matches were completed and most of the big names got through to the 2^nd round. However, there were some upsets mostly on the women’s side. The men seem to be in it for the money; 1^st round money is very good but 2^nd round money is even better.

Divadal finally made it to the 2nd round of a grass court tournament

Divadal (2) won his 1^st round match … well that is to say that he finally won a match on grass. He took out Martin Klizan 4-6 6-3 6-3 6-3. Interestingly enough they met last year at the French Open in the 2^nd round. The scoreline was the same. Klizan had his chances to do much more but he could not execute on the big points. Divadal does not look so smooth but it does not matter. A win is a win. You don’t win a major in the first week but you sure can lose one. Things are even more interesting because guess who Divadal is playing in the 2^nd round …. None other than Lukas Rosol himself; the man who started Divadal’s troubles on grass back in 2012 when he dismissed him at Wimbledon in the 2^nd round. After that loss, Divadal disappeared from tour claiming “The Knees were acting up.” He returned to the tour in February 2013. Divadal did not lose a single match on hard court all of 2013. Now I am not starting any rumours here, I am just stating facts. Rosol took out French hotness Benoit Paire in his opening round match 6-3 3-6 7-6 6-4. It is very very very very unlikely that Rosol will score another upset but non-fanz of Divadal will be ever hopeful that lightening will strike twice.

SHIT! I thought I was going to get that upset today

Anyway we digress, Baby Ali (14) finished up his match against Meltdown by serving it out at love 6-1 3-6 3-6 6-2 6-4. When rain interrupted play on Monday, Baby Ali was up 5-4 in the 5^th. Also finishing up his match was Sam Querrey aka The Grinch. He knocked out fellow American Bradley Klahn 6-7 6-4 6-1 7-5.

Even though he only played one game today, you know we hardly need an excuse to show Baby Ali

Mr. Federer (4) won his match with relative ease 6-1 6-1 6-3. He took out Italian Paolo Lorenzi. Mr. Federer had 9 aces, 40 winners and 20 errors. However, a lot of those errors came about as a result of poor execution. I can’t deal with a sloppy Federror. He needs to do better. His level of play will suffice for the scrubs and lower tiers of the ATP but when he meets the likes Goonie Gulbis, Divadal et al, it will not hold up at all. Nonetheless we move on: Fellow Swiss player, Stan the Man (5) or “Stanimal” as he being called… for me Wawrinka cannot be a “Stanimal” when he is losing regular tour matches to scrubs on a regular basis. When he has multiple majors and master series title, then he’ll be “Stanimal” for now he is just “Stan the Man” who beat Divadal’s @$$ in the Aussie Open final causing Divadal to claim “bad back.” Anyway, Stan the Man took out hotness Joao Sousa 6-3 6-4 6-3. Stan had 18 aces. That’s some big boy serving.

Mr. Federer

Stan the Man

Other seeded players who won include up and coming contenders Milos Raonic aka Dennis the Menace (8), BFG Isner (9), Kei Nishikori (10), Richard Gasquet (13) who needed 5 sets to get rid of his opponent, James Duckworth 6-7 6-3 3-6 6-0 6-1. Jerzy Janowicz (15) also needed 5 sets to get past Somdev Dewarman 4-6 6-3 6-3 3-6 6-3. FeFe Lopez (19) who must be super exhausted having played two weeks of tennis coming into this tournament. Lopez won three tiebreaker sets to move through to the 2^nd round. Philipp Kohlschreiber (22) won in straight sets as did Beetlejuice (24). Tommy Robredo (22) won his 1^st round match in 4 sets.

I gotta say that one arm bit looks really cool on Dennis the Menace Raonic

Several players of interest also won today including Nick Kyrgios of Australia (a hottie, if you like that thickish of Greek and Malay heritage) and fellow Aussie Llyeton Hewitt. Gilles Muller who took out Andy Roddick in 2005 1^st round also won as did American Jock Sock, Lukas Kubot, quarterfinalist here last year, Jarrko Nieminen and Mikhail Kukushkin. There were several upsets including unseeded Alejandro Falla who did well on the grass leading up to Wimbledon; he lost in straight sets to Ante Pavic of Croatia. Guillermo Garcia-Lopez (28) lost to Dusan Lajovic in 5 sets; Ivo Karlovic (29) lost in straight sets to Franck Dancevic and Dimitri Tursunov (32) lost to Denis Istomin. So that’s about it for the men’s.

BFG Isner will now be known as the Troll

Oh I just want to point you to a story regarding John Isner aka BFG … (See link below) http://trollandgarros.tumblr.com/post/89253044033/isner-puts-his-white-privilege-on-display-says-the  It is a really good read. See I really have an issue with Isner’s comments. First off, I do not know why or how he felt he had the necessary “credentials” to weigh in on this matter. However, I like the fact that the author of this piece served up some “truth tea detox” Second since I am in FULL agreement … well let me know say full but I am with the author on many of his salient points AND also somewhat dismayed by Isner’s ensuing comments when others tried to enlighten him; I am going to change Isner’s name. From henceforth, BFG which means Big Friendly Giant will just still be “Troll” or perhaps “Mountain Troll” I would really like to hear from you on this matter. I do not understand how people can think “Redskins” is okay to be calling a professional football time. I mean I do not even know why the sport is even called “football” but we not even going to touch that one.

BFG is now a Troll

On the women’s side: The Serenanator (1) is looking good. She had a tough opening service game which took her 10 minutes to complete. She later said that she played well but the girl was hitting some good shots. Anyway, the demons did not come out because the Serenanator was all over Ana Tatishivili as she took her out 6-1 6-2. She had 31 winners of which 16 were aces and 13 unforced errors. Those are some healthy numbers; very very healthy and positive. Hopefully she keeps this up because the road ahead is going to be intense and there can be no letting up of the focus and intensity.

The Serenanator is ready to do battle at Wimbledon

Simona Halep (3) who I swear looks like the Koolaid Juice Jug (I know it is wrong but I swear it is what comes to mind every single time) also had a quick affair on the court. She moved through in straight sets as did Bratzwanska (4), Shriekapova (5) who is supposedly looking good 6-1 6-0 but judging by the numbers, 13 winners, 9 errors, 3 aces and 5 double faults, 43% on 2^nd serve, I am going to say “meh.” This is Shriekapova just handling the Lady planktons with her usual ruthless flair. Carebear Kerber (9) took out lil sis Radwanska in straight sets also. Ivanovic The Terrible (11) was almost in trouble against Francesco Schiabone. However, it seemed as though Schiabone had other ideas in mind than winning the big points. Maybe it was the longer hair or the slight attempt to feminize herself that was mucking up her game. Who knows and who cares? Anyway, Ana won in straight sets. 2013 finalist Sabine Losicki (19) also won in straight sets. The German took out Israeli Julia Glushko 6-2 6-1.

I think Shriekapova is going to a picnic or something with that much bags

Other seeded players who came through include Genie Bouchard (13), Carlo Suarez-Navarro (15), Danish Biscuit Wozniacki (16), Kristopher Flipkens (24) last year’s semifinalist, Cornemort (25) and Klara Koukalova (31) who took out American Taylor Townsend in straight sets 7-5 6-2. Other winners of interest are Jie Zheng, Madison Keys who took out another young hopeful Monica Puig in straight sets, Varvane Lepchenko who dismissed Tsetvana Pironkova (Granny Vee thanks you Lepchenko), Heather Watson of England, Belinda Bencic of Switzerland and Camila Giorgi of Italy.

Bye Gurl Pironkova! Bye!

There were several key upsets on the ladies side biggest of which was Fivehand Jungle Witch Jankovic (7) who was dismantled by Kaia Kanepi, quarterfinalist here last year. Kanepi took care of business 6-3 6-2. Fattychunkova (26) lost in 3 sets to American Alison Riske as did fellow Russian Kuzi Rex (28) who lost to Michelle Larcher De Brito. Roberta Vinci (21) and doubles partner Sara ETranni (14) will be concentrating solely on doubles this Wimbledon as they were both booted out of the singles draw in three sets. Vinci lost to Donna Vekic 4-6 6-4 4-6 and ETranni lost to Caroline Garcia 6-2 6-7 5-7. Sorana Cirstea (29) was also sent packing when she lost to American qualifier Victoria Duval 4-6 6-3 1-6. American Christina McHale was also dismissed.

I was this close to winning the match!

Kuzi-Rex what a disappointment!!

Anyway, that’s all folks … Day 3 action will feature Lochness Monster, Djoker, Granny Vee, GHW Kvitova, Tampomic, Maria’s hangbag Dimitrov, Bratzwanska, Berdshite and many others… So PLEASE check us out. DO NOT FORGET TO COMMENT even if just about the pictures…

So Bartoli showed up on Centre Court and she was all teary eye … I too got all teary eye watching this hideous outfit unfold (White and off white lace combination and the necklace #icant)

Now I don’t want to hate but really gurl? Really? Those shoes? I think they are to hide her infamous cankles but still

Even Lisicki is like WTF?? Gurl what happened? Those shoes honey are just You look…you look… you look so plentiful. Eating well in retirement I see”  Meanwhile, what is that stain on the bottom of that “dress” ? Actually, I don’t wanna know

Joao Sousa from Portugal

Martin Klizan, you might be a loser in the 1st round but you’re a winner in our hearts here at Realz… and we have a “special prize” for you

You lost on the tennis court today Daniela but you’re definitely winning in fashion court

Veteran hottie around these parts is looking a bit weathered but he can still get it

We don’t even know his name and we’re not even trying to find out either….What we need to know is where he’s staying

Lisicki looking cute as ever … we’re gonna ignore the snaggletooth

Beetlejuice… gurl.. this is definitely not cute even by your standards

Beetlejuice got himself cornrows … Definitely has not improved his look but to be honest, it doesn’t hurt it either

Of course you we gotta talk about Carlo

Francisco is trying to give us femme realness

I’ve fallen….

And I can’t get up

Gurl, why you acting like a heifer eating the grass? We don’t behave like that at Wimbledon

Don’t you wish you had a sexy coach like me

Tiann, I think Danish Biscuit is saying hello to you …. and she’s being a bit insensitive about the matter

Hewitt is going all out to stay in the game

Mrs. Hewitt keeping tabs on her “investment” This mofo better not get injured again

Is Patrick M going to sing an aria?

He is channeling some soprano realness here

Cornemort had a nose bleed on court … blood magic I say … blood magic!!

Now we have discussed “Gayneisa” here before; where “straight” guys blame their homosexual tendencies on liquor. “I got really wasted with the guys again and then one thing (my pants) lead to another (their pants) and then another (the undies) and next thing you know, his penis was in my mouth and mine was in his. I don’t know why that keep happening. I sobered up and was like Broooo we are never doing this again”

Gaynesia is not to be confused with just being “gay” BIG DIFFERENCE

This is gaynesia. See the different? Good

 Now we have a new Realz term for you: “Gaylusion” this is where straight women cannot seem to see they’re a fag hag. I mean look at this scene. Holla if you believe there is a straight couple in the midst wearing a yellow shirt .. those two girls to the side in those short shorts may have just realized that this just might not be where they need to be at “Gurl, I don’t think any of these guys are our types. Really? Why you say that? Gurl look at the front row, it’s a men’s chorale up in here. Look at that soprano in the green shorts! We need to go.” Lady in the red cap, she definitely knows the dealio. Girls, these boys are strictly dickly! 

Meanwhile, YESSS I finally won a match on grass

Now check out my pocketbook. Isn’t it just FABULOUS

Simona Halep

The Koolaide Jug … enough said

 

Australian Open 2014: Day 1

Let me in!! Let me in!!

Now that Day 1 is over, I do not think that any of the results came as a HUGE surprise. I mean there were upsets and of course disappointments but all in all, the results mostly reflected what has been trending for a while.

On the ladies, side, the Serenanator (1) wasted little time dispatching her Aussie opponent as she in barely an hour, took the match 6-2 6-1. Ashleigh Barty had some good shots here and there but it was not enough to stop the American.

I know you are ready for your opponents ReRe but I am not ready for this outfit! BURN IT!!!

LiNaLi (4) also looked impressive as she dumped her opponent 6-2 6-0. The 9th seed, Kerber had a lil problem with Jarmila Gajdosova but came through in 3 sets 6-3 0-6 6-2. Ivanovic the Terrible (14) came through comfortably in straight sets as did Sabine Lisicki (15) Monica Niculescu, Tsetvana Pironkova, Moaning Mona Barthel, Yanina Wickmayer and Monica Puig. 18th seed Kristen Flipkens took out British Laura Robson 6-3 6-0. Robson needs to get her life together if she wants to make a decent living on the tour and not be another Anne Keothavong. Meanwhile, Robson’s countrywoman Heather Watson also lost though she made her match a bit more competitive v Daniela Hanthucova (31) 5-7 6-3 3-6.

LiNaLi showing off that sliced backhand

Some interesting results on the ladies side…. Well first off you know I am smarting because Venus Williams set me up again!! I can’t with this woman. She was bossing Ekaterina Makarova (22) around for a set and a half 6-2 4-4 but all of sudden, Venus double faulted 3 times in a row to hand the game and basically the set to Makarova. In the 3rd set, Venus was up 3-0! Then she lost the next 6 of 7 games. I was beside myself. She was playing so well. The groundstrokes were popping and she was moving forward. However, she just decided to hurt my feelings and mess up my entire evening. Makarova moves to the 2nd round having taken out another Williams Sister 2-6 6-4 6-4.

Venus angst!!!

Makarova is making it a habit of taking out Williamses in Australia

There were several other interesting results: Like I said of Petra Kvitova, she is going into fast decline and that showed up in her lost to Luksika Kimkhum (I wish I were making up this name). Kvitova (6) got bounced 2-6 6-1 6-4 to some unknown Thai player. She was not the only top seed to said bye bye to Melbourne, the doubles team of Roberta Vinci (12) and Sara Errani (7) were both dismissed from the singles event. Vinci going down in straights to former semifinalist Jie Zheng and Errani leaving thanks to Julia Goerges.

Wearing pepto bismal pink, playing like diarrhea, game and ranking slipping and dating Stepanek. Yes, Stepanek curse in full effect

I see boobs but I am not sure… this is very feMALE indeed

Of course I was very excited when I saw the draw and it was Kvitova I was playing. She is still dating Stepanek right? So I knew I had more than a shot! I had a winning shot

I should also mention that Stosur avenged her recent lost to Klara Zakopalova by beating her in straight sets 6-3 6-4. Also Granny Goodness Date-Krumm lost to perhaps the youngest girl in the field Belinda Bencic of Switzerland in straight sets.

Thank you very much for coming. Nice warm up

On the men’s side, things were more routine. Ferrer (3) and Djoker Harlequeen (2) wasted no time getting rid of their opponents in straight sets. There is no point in sticking around on court for more time than you need to. Stan Wawrinka (8) got even less time when his opponent reitred in the 2nd set. Fabio Fognini (15) also benefitted from a retirement when Alex Bogomolov went out injured. Bershite (7) also is through in straight sets as well as Richard Gasquet (9), Mikhail Youzhny (14), Jeremy Chardy (29) and Dmitri Tursanov (30).

Oh wait she is not one of the guys…

Jerzy Janowicz (20) perhaps love work because he was out there for 5 sets for no apparent reason but he is through to the 2nd round. Other 5 set winners include Tommy Robredo (17), Kevin Anderson (19) Julian Benneteau and Nikolay Davydenko.

Glittering Gulbis

Munchable Monaco

23rd seed Ernest Gulbis beat Juan Monaco in 4 sets. This is a sad result because they are both such PHYNE specimen but Monaco has not been so well since the break up with a certain top Diva. That Gulbis is even seeded and Monaco is not, shows how much the Argentine is hurting from that dismissal. Marcos Baghdatis, known for his on court heroics, had a major fail in front of this very Cypriot crowd when Uzbekistani Denis Istomin knocked him out in straight sets and did so in fine style. Ivan Dodig (32) knocked out monster server Ivo Karlovic in straight sets also.

Divadal was only fcuking with your head. You know that. Realz loves you not Divadal!

Tomorrow, both bottom halves will be playing and we are set to see Divadal, Mr. Federer, Lochness Monster, Baby Ali, Beetlejuice, Vickie, Fivehead Jungle Witch, Bratzwanska and Shriekapova all on court.

Let us take a break and just watch

Don’t forget to spread the word about REALZTENISFANZ!!!

Venus I do not even know what to say about this head!!! ratchet!!

Robson you look like someone’s runaway bridesmaid. WTF is this dress about??

I need to get me a sip of Andreas Seppi indeed

Oh Patty Rafter… you’re turning into Fatty Rafter these days

Spanish Armada!!… At least part of the fleet

I am best amongst my fellow menz

Did someone fart?? I am smelling shite….Oh Hey Tomic…..

So you gonna come by my room later right. I will leave the door open

Mister, I can see your penis and that’s not okay at this time

They say I was going to get groupies but I didn’t want these old bitches..

Wimbledon 2013: Manic Monday

Sabine Lisicki, the French Open champion slayer!

Yeah gurl, I am like WTF too??

I have always hated Mondays. Since a child, Mondays was the worst day to look forward to. It spoils the freedom of Sunday because of it inevitable arrival the next day. And this end Monday of Wimbledon, where all 16 Round of 16 matches are played for singles, made me hate Mondays even more. I do not even know what to say about this day. I mean the only upset of the day…. the ONLY ONE is the UPSET. I would not have ever imagined that the Serenanator would have gone out like this. I know that Lisicki is a good player…but the Serenanator is clearly better. I am at a lost for words. You know my mood was considerably dampened by this result. It is not just the fact that the Serenanator lost (at least Venus gets to keep one record to herself of 35 win match streak). However, it was the fact that everyone I hold so near and dear to my heart is not here for me to cheer. I have cleared my calender, took time off from work and what do I get, a possible final between Djoker v Lochness Monster or worst, Bratzwanska v Bartoli. Are you fcuking kidding me? What kinda rubbish is the tennis gods pour out from their heavens. This has been an utter mess of a major. I mean even Divadal is out and you know how much I can do without his company.

Maybe they’re right. There must be sugar in the grass. Perhaps Sugarpova??

Who me? I did not put any Superpova in the grass. I pinky swear it……Now I am not saying someone else did not put it as per my instructions but I did not pour my diabetes inducing candy on Centre Court.

 

I guess the tennis gods are perhaps righting some wrong because all of then current French Open champions that Lisicki took out, were all improbable winners. Kuzi, LiNaLi, Shriekapova and now the Serenanator. No one of these players, perhaps with the exception of Kuzi Rex, were ever known for being clay court specialist. However, at the French Open, they totally dominated the surface and could have fooled even the wise observer that clay was a natural part of their game. I guess I should be at peace somewhat but I really cannot deal with this nonsense. I want this thing to be over and for us to pretend that Wimbledon 2013 NEVER HAPPENED at all. Who is with me?

I mean other than the fact that the Serenanator lost yesterday, the higher seed won. There were no other upsets. I could not believe it. I was hoping that perhaps Youzhny would have knock Murray out but the Chernobyl Disaster as per the norm, had a melt down. People Jerzy Janowicz and Lukas Kubot as in the quarters and either one of them will be in the semis of Wimbledon. WTF?? WTMFF?? This cannot be happening.

Anyway, here are the results… I cannot talk anymore

15		M. Bartoli	6	6
		K. Knapp	2	3
4		A. Radwanska	4	6	6
		T. Pironkova	6	3	3
17		S. Stephens	4	7	6
		M. Puig	6	5	1
6		N. Li	6	6
11		R. Vinci	2	0
		L. Robson	66	5
		K. Kanepi	78	7
1		S. Williams	2	6	4
23		S. Lisicki	6	1	6
20		K. Flipkens	77	6
		F. Pennetta	62	3
8		P. Kvitova	77	6
19		C. Suarez Navarro	65	3

1		N. Djokovic	6	6	77
13		T. Haas	1	4	64
7		T. Berdych	77	65	6	6
		B. Tomic	64	77	4	4
		F. Verdasco	6	6	6
		K. De Schepper	4	4	4
8		J. del Potro	6	77	6
23		A. Seppi	4	62	3
2		A. Murray	6	77	6
20		M. Youzhny	4	65	1
4		D. Ferrer	63	78	6	6
		I. Dodig	77	66	1	1
		L. Kubot	4	6	3	6	6
		A. Mannarino	6	3	6	3	4
24		J. Janowicz	3	77	6	4	6
		J. Melzer	6	61	4	6	4

Wimbledon 2013 Day 6

 

YEAHHHHH I’m going to the 2nd week of Wimbledon

So Day 6 of Wimbledon is always exciting because it determines the last set of players to make it to 2^nd Monday when all 16 4^th round matches are played. It is one of the biggest days in tennis. Typically or I should say for the other 3 majors, the matches are always staggered by halves of the respective draws until the semifinals. Anyway, there were several matches to be finished which were carried over from Day 5. So let us deal with those first. I guess the good thing about no play on the Middle Sunday is that players whose matches were carried over from Friday have at least one day’s rest and should be recharged for Monday’s main event. I kinda feel like I am forgetting to tell you something but I am not entirely sure what it is. Perhaps my brain is all fried at this point. I lack sleep and right now I am so hungry but I do not want to spoil my diet and have a meal at this hour. It is the summer and one cannot hide under the layers of coats and sweaters.

Kvitova is getting her life together. With a smile like this, it is hard to see why I call her GHW

Anywho, let us get to the tennis. On the ladies side, Petra Kvitova got her life together when her match resumed on Saturday. She quickly dealt with Makarova who as we all know can be a dangerous floater. Kvitova is through to the Round of 16 for the 4 straight years at least I think. She always seems to have a good run at Wimbledon despite sucking everywhere else. GHW Kvitova 6-3 2-6 6-3. Now before we go on, I was informed by one of my fanz that there is this very very vicious rumour going around that Kvitova dumped her lil boyfriend and might be cuddling up with Radek Stepanek….I just vomited a lil in my mouth. I mean seriously… I am not substantiating this rumour or anything but WTF?? WTMFF?? Who the hell is this guy? I mean, he is one of the ugliest things on tour….oh okay, perhaps I am not supposed to say that he is ugly as we are all God’s creatures…But good heavens is this guy unpretty? How is it that he is bagging these ladies? Nicole Viadisova, Martina Hingis and now possibly Petra Kvitova? Hold up! Hold up! I mean clearly drugs are involved. Martina Hingis…hello…The thing is, if any of this is true about Petra and Shark Boy, is that Radek is a married man. He is married to Nicole who inexplicably gave up her career to be a housewife. It should be noted that whenever Radek gets with a lady on tour, her tennis suffers tremendously as a result.

Stephens again having a nice run at the majors

Anyway, Sloane Stephens (17) finished off Petra Cetkovska in the 3^rd set 6-4. Stephens who had dropped the 2^nd set 0-6, showed some guts which she only seem to display at majors this year. Anyway, she is through to her 1^st Round of 16 at Wimbledon. Pironkova, another player who seem to come alive at majors, in particular this major, is also through to the Round of 16. She beat Petra Martic 6-1 4-6 6-2. Pironkova is through to her 3^rd Round of 16 at Wimbledon if I am not mistaken. Monica Puig has extended her run of good fortunes at this major as she made it to the 2^nd week. She took out Birnerova 4-6 6-3 6-4. I am really happy for the Puerto Rican. 14^th Sam Stosur looked poised to have a good run at Wimbledon but you know Sam and how anti-success she can be. With a game tailor made for the grass, she always has better luck on the clay than grass. Anyway, she won the 1^st set 6-4 but then lost her way as Sabine Lisicki who seems to love the grass, came back blazing 6-2 6-1. Losicki is in another round of 16 at Wimbledon. Last year, she won over Shriekapova.

Sabine in sweet form at these Championships

Other winners include Laura Robson who has finally given the British crowd something to cheer about on the ladies side. She took out Marina Erakovic of New Zealand who if I am not mistaken, served for the match. However, Robson came back to take the whole thing in 3 sets. Robson 1-6 7-5 6-3. Last year’s finalist Aggie Radwanska (4) has been quietly moving through the draw without much fanfare and this is just the way she likes it. She took on American Madison Keys who I was hoping would have caused the upset but Bratzwanska proved to be too much for the teenager and Radwanska is through to the 4^th round 7-5 4-6 6-3. Kaia Kanepi took out another American teenager Riske in straight sets 6-2 6-3. Meanwhile Roberta Vinci (11) is also through to the Round of 16 as she took out 18^th seed Dominika Cibulkova in straight sets 6-1 6-4. This is a somewhat surprising result because Vinci has not really shown much prowess to do much on grass and Cibulkova is a player with a lot of potential. However, Cibulkova loves pace and Vinci can give you a lot of “junk” and most definitely is not about power play.

Thanks for coming Granny Goodness… Now go bake me up cookies. The tennis court is not place for a lady like you

The two remaining 3^rd round match ups saw the Serenanator and LiNaLi getting through to the 4^th round. The Serenanator took out Granny Goodness Date-Krumm 6-2 6-0. This really was no contest but Granny did well to get to this round. LiNaLi was another story. I would have loved for Klara Zakopalova to get through to the next round but LiNaLi got her life together. Klara (32) took the 1^st set 6-4 but got bagelled in the 2^nd 0-6. In the 3^rd set they played 14 games and Li came out on top 8-6. I think Klara is capable of being a real contender on tour but as always these young ones always seem to lose their way to the top.

All of my greatest threats have been bounced. I am in it to win it

On the men’s side, matters were more or less routine. Djoker (1) dispatched of Chardy (28) in straight sets 6-3 6-2 6-2. Meanwhile, Fiery Ferrer (4) was a bit cold against Dolgopolov (28) but pulled through in 5 sets 6-7 7-6 2-6 6-1 6-2. Dolgopolov would do well to work on his game and his focus his energy on career. He has such potential. A fanz explained to me that Dolgopolov loves the drink and once for certain showed up for a match drunk. The fanz was providing 1^st hand information but rehashed gossip  (as is so frequently published on blogs….of course no such rehashed rubbish is ever posted on this prestigious publication)

Tommy Haas is all excited that he is through to the 4th round of Wimbledon. Unfortunately, he faces Djoker

13^th seed Tommy Haas took out FeFe Lopez in 4 sets 4-6 6-2 7-5 6-4. I expected a bigger fight from Lopez but I guess in the end he had other issues to worry about seeing as his X Divadal is out vacationing and guess who just lost, yep Juan Monaco. Monaco (22) inexplicably lost to Kevin De Schepper from France 4-6 6-7 4-6. I do not know what the hell is going on in Monaco’s life but he has been well off the plot this year.

FeFe Lopez got bounced by the German

His mind is elsewhere

This is what has his mind all over the place

Juan Martin Del Potro (8) won over Greg Zemlja 7-5 7-6 6-0 and 7^th seed Berdshite also won over lengthy Kevin Anderson (27) 3-6 6-3 6-4 7-5. In perhaps the only major upset of the day, Richard Gasquet (9) was bounced from the tournament 6-7 7-5 5-7 6-7 to Bernard Tampomic. This is quite shocking because none of the seeded Frenchmen are around, which means that Benoit Paire (25) lost to Lukas Kubot in straight sets 1-6 3-6 4-6. There was another retirement as Dodig moved through to the 4^th round when his opponent Sijsling retired after being down 0-6 1-6 0-1. Other winners include 5 set king Andreas Seppi (23) who knocked out Nishikori 3-6 6-2 6-7 6-1 6-4. Seppi seems to love playing 5 set matches. Mikhail Youzhny (20) and Fernando Tabasco Verdasco are both through to the 4^th round. They have a lot in common. They have a lot of potential but mainly try to suck at tennis so badly you find it impossible to believe that they were ever in the top 10 at one point in their career. Youzhny took out Troicki in straight sets as did Verdasco when he bounced Ernest Gulbis (talk about another wasted talent).

Had you shown this level of tenacity on court, perhaps you might have done better

Bonehead Benoit. He lost the match and now going to lose his money

There will I hope be a preview issue for the round of 16 match up where I will try to give some sorta insights into the Monday Madness as well as my predictions. Do not get to Follow this blog and also COMMENT!

Yes I won two games. Thank the tennis gods for small miracles

And weave is flowing… This lion definitely needs taming

For you Tiann

Which one of you motherfcukers farted in the royal box? I don’t smell anything

Gurl do me now. Remember not too much red on this side… it does not bring out my eyes

Bernard being a bad bad bad boy

So he’s on his knees and there’s balls out in the open…..all of the elements are there but why isn’t this picture right?

Wimbledon 2012: The epic 4th Day

Gurl, Centre Court was on fire! I was having volcano flashes up in there

Had they told me before the match begun, I would have called them a liar, a fool and a down right tennis dunce. However, like we always say here at RealzTenisFanz, the game is won and lost on the field and not on paper. That Lukas Rosol had even a sliver of a chance to beat Lord Clay Divadal (I think I rather call him Lord Clay Divadal instead of Lord Dirt Divadal) was improbable if not impossible. Nonetheless, anyone who bet on Rosol yesterday, though initially seen as a mad man, he left the evening a very rich man. This was the 2^nd round of Wimbledon and Divadal is not going to be in the 3^rd round as Lukas Rosol simply dismantled him on the court 6-7 6-4 6-4 2-6 6-4. Yes it was 5 sets but nothing about that match was a contest for Divadal. Rosol had a game plan and he executed it to perfection. This is monumental, this was an epic match and instantly will become a classic for the ages. Hard to imagine that one of the top 4 and even more surprising, the top 2 will not be in the 2^nd week of a major. Rosol, ranked 100^th, came onto Centre Court to face a tennis god but showed that he was a titan. His nerves were steely, his forehand rock solid and that serve, it was simply a precious gem. Divadal had never been treated with such disrespect in his life. At no point in the match did it occur to Rosol to lay down and die as so many men on tour are apt to do when facing one of the Fourhorse Men of Apocalypse. To be fair though, the top 4 are really that good.

This is not happening right now! When I count to 3, I am going to disappear!

In the 1^st set, Divadal broke early to go up 3-2 but Rosol broke back immediately and perhaps then, we knew the Czech meant business. They held serve to go into a tiebreaker, which in and of itself was epic but Divadal was able to close it out 11-9 and bag the 1^st set. One felt like this was going to turn into another Thomaz Bellucci match where the player has a good start but cannot sustain the momentum and then gets whitewashed.

In your face mofo!!

However, Rosol broke Divadal at love in the very first game back as Divadal double faulted on break point. Rosol would hold serve for the rest of the set NEVER facing break point taking it 6-4. What is remarkable is the fact that he did a similar thing in the 3^rd set; break early and hold serve  to close out the set 6-4. Divadal never had a break point…I doubt he even got any games to deuce. Fans at home watching or following on twitter or even following on RealzTenisFanz facebook page were at a standstill. I mean the Lochness Monster vs Ivo the Giant provided a lot of tension and drama already added to that that there were several other men’s matches that were proving to be watch worthy because NO ONE imagined that Rosol could really pull this off. Beat Lord Clay Divadal, 2 time Wimbledon champ in the 2^nd round? NEVER. Divadal was mad, she was angry, she damn near had a BF (bitch fit) on court. Who the fcuk do you think you are Rosol? She rolled on the ground, she complained to the chair umpire that Rosol was being noisy and making distracting movements.

She was a hot mess out there. Divadal you flexible! Gurl, we do not carry on like this on Centre Court. Look at that face….you know them legs be up like antennas when Mrs. Monadal comes around!

There is a pain, in my brain…why won’t it rain because I am going down the drain

She gritted and grunted…she even bumped into Rosol a la Irina Spirlea at the 97 US Open versus our own Russ Troll Venus Williams and we all know how that ended. Ebony Starr crushed that skank and moved on to her 1^st US Open final. Divadal was losing dirty. No bueno for a Lady of your standing Divadal. No muy bueno. Nevertheless, in the end, Divadal was down 2-1 sets and she had to get it to a 5 setters in order to move on. I think what was even more disastrous in her mind was the fact that she almost lost in straight sets. But Divadal is a Dragon and is not easily slayed.

I’m sorry…Bitch!
Spanish Skank!

In the 4^th set, Divadal was on fire. Snapped popped and crackled her way to break Rosol 2 times, something he had not done since the 1^st set. She had the 4^th 6-2 and they play in the 5^th. And then, the organizers decided to close the roof and put the Diva in a box. Oh no…no no no no no….. the diva got mad but she dared not get bad because men are walking a very thin line right about now because of silly Nalbandian’s crazy behaviour couple of weeks ago. She had to simmer and stew out there as there was a near half an hour delay to close the roof and get the AC on…you know how Europeans are kinda anti anti-perspirant. I jest! I jest! Anyway, it would have been hotter than a mofo up in there so they had to get the air on. Divadal was not liking that. Anyway, they got things on the way again. I sat with bated breath because I thought for sure, the Divadal Dragon was going to take the nuclear option and just blaze his way through to the end.

Divadal the Dragon rose up

However, it was not to be. Rosol went back to the original scripts of the 2^nd and 3^rd set; break Divadal early and hold serve. And that he did. In the very 1^st game, Divadal was broke and she was fuming. She had committed no errors in the 4^th and now things were back where they were early in the match; Rosol was dictating play. Divadal got things to 4-5 and one though…NO WAY that Rosol can close this one out… the Choker express will soon be boarding and Rosol will be chief engineer but at 5-4! Rosol got things underway with a BOMB of an Ace in Divadal’s face. 15-0. He missed his 1^st serve but found his 2^nd serve and went with a ferocious forehand to go 30-0. The crowd was out of control and commentators were at a lost to find words to describe this moment. It was near pandemonium when Rosol aced Divadal again and was at 40-0; triple match point! Then Rosol ACED Divadal for the 22^nd time and take the match. All hell broke loose! This was good… this was very very good.

This is not happening!

i am FABULOUS bitches!!!

Take your handbag and get outta here! A Diva Dejected

Now understand I am not excited because Divadal lost and I am not his greatest fan. I am happy because it broke up the monotony of the same players coming into the semifinals. It may be that one of the other three might win this thing but at least, the chances of the other players winning a major has increased. Adios Divadal. Now you can go back home and watch Spain take on Italy in Euro final. Also you have a 2^nd chance as the Olympics are coming to Wimbledon in three weeks’ time. You will be all right. Humble pie can be delicious with a nice cup of calming tea and you would be all right.

Lochness Monster clawed his way into the 3rd

Anyway, this is not even the only match that was played. Things are very hot and heated right now between Ivo the Giant aka Ivo Karlovic of Croatia and Wimbledon. He played their favoured son Lochness Monster and got called for 11 double faults. Now, Ivo is a serving monster. This mofo can serve for his motherfcuking life. He pays his rent with the number of aces he get per match/per tournament. Now, Ivo claims that whenever he held the advantage, they would call a foot fault and many, the calls were very suspect. Ivo lost 5-7 7-6 2-6 6-7 and Lochness Monster moves on and is heavily favoured to make it to the finals since Divadal got bounced out of the tournament. Now, I want to say this and I have been saying this since US Open 2009. The tennis organizers need to have cameras on court so that players can challenge foot faults. It is ridiculous to think that you can have the balls being questioned and not whether your foot crossed the line. The umpire is hardly looking at their feet and once that foot fault call has been made, the players are screwed. It cannot be challenged and you are at a disadvantage.

WTF?? WTMFF?? Do I need to bring my club to these matches

When the Serenanator when into her court rage at the linesjudge, she was right. She did not foot fault and what is even worse, the linesjudge did not lose their job. In FIFA (football or soccer head body) if the officials are fcuking up, they are sent home. No questions asked. It is high time tennis gets it act together. The same chair umpires are circulating and they have been many many many egregious officiating and nothing is done about the matter. People ignore them and claim that the bad calls even out throughout the match…BULLSHIT in the highest degree. The game should be played fairly and squarely. You win what you earned. The winner is decided by a point…the match point and tennis is a high mental sport. Bad calls change the players’ attitude on court. They feel slightest and stop relying on muscle memory to focus on every aspect of their game which often times, severely throw them off their original game play. ITF/WTA/ATP, cameras for freaking cheap. Stop this shite show. Get the challenge system on every court that is being used for the tournament and also get challenge system for foot fault. STOP with this guidelines bullshit and get actual rules including for time violations.

Prince Ali, fabulous he…

All for you babe

Anyway, other winners include Jo-Willi Tsonga aka Baby Ali who had to get it done in 4 sets as did Del Potro who apparently took a mental stroll in the 3^rd set but closed it out against Go Soeda of Japan. Fiery Ferrer also won his match as did Kei Nishikori, American Brian Baker who is showing himself to be a reliable American male player, Frodo Goffin, Mardy former Whale Fish who dropped the ball big time in the 4^th set but was able to pull it out in the 5^th against British hopeful James Ward 6-3. Malisse did the world a favour by knocking out Gilles Simon in straight sets 6-4 6-4 7-6. Simon has made himself a target with his recent comments about men should be paid higher than women. I have an interesting take on this subject but right now, I cannot discuss as I am way behind again. Tabasco Verdasco is finding success here on grass unlike his recent clay court season. He moves onto the 3^rd round as is Marin Cilic, Philipp Kohlschreiber who will play Rosol in the 3^rd round and Alejandro Fall who again played another 5^th set to move to the 3^rd round. American Andy Roddick aka Mr. Brooklyn Decker 3 time Wimbledon finalist (2004-2005, 2009) also won in straight sets. He is a very dangerous floater. This might be his last Wimbledon in case you did not know and he would love to go out with a Wimbledon trophy. Unfortunately, my boo Delicitrov pulled out yet again of a tournament giving former Wimbledon semifinalist in 2006 if I am not mistaken, Fatdatis a chance to equal that performance.

You poor sweet thing… I will give you a rub down and you’ll be happy in the end

Undoubtedly, the ladies could not provide anywhere near this sort of excitement that the men produced. Shriekapova who had to finish up her 2^nd round match, dropped the 2^nd set 6-7 and you thought that Pironkova was going to make things interesting in the 3^rd. However, the only thing that was interesting was what she was going to have on her bagel. Shriekapova moved on 7-6 6-7 6-0. I do not know why she even bothered to waste the Russian’s time by taking the 2^nd set. Anyway, Kvitova won her match knocking out Elena Baltacha of England 6-0 6-4.

GWH is lurking in the dark ready to cast a spell on anyone in her path

Heather Watson remains the only British gal in the draw by making the 3^rd round and she is not going to the Olympics. The Serenanator sunk Melanie Czink as did Lucic who took out Fatoli in straight sets. Carebear Kerber and fellow German Julia Goerges also won. Vickie who has been relatively quiet this tournament also won her match. Shvedova, Wickmayer, Zakopalova, Ivanovic the Terrible, Sara Alien v Predator Head, Schiabone, Fatrova and Paszek also moved on. Former Wimbledon semifinalist Zheng Jie also moves on as did Roberta Vinci and Christina McHale and fellow American Varvara Lepchenko.

Gurl your make up is fabulous! Who put it on, Bozo the clown?

Some very interesting matches coming up…The conclusion of the Raonic vs Querry match…ACES GALORE! Mommie Dearest vs Vera Zvonareva, Bratzwanska vs Heather Watson, Almagro vs Gasquet (battle of the one handed backhand) Carebear vs McHale, Stephens vs Lisicki and Troicki vs Mrs. Monadal.  DON’T FORGET TO SPREAD THE WORLD ABOUT REALZ!!!

WTF??

Hey gurl meet my boy toy! Rrrrrrr

Next time I have to bring my clutch…I can’t handle these handles on this murse!

This went from this…

To this… hmmmm how you doing?

To this… and we all know what’s going to happen next… gaynesia

Wimbledon 2012: Day 1

Well the 1^st day of Wimbledon 2012 has been completed and in an effort to not get behind, we will get right to the action. I am not sure if there is anything that needs to be mention other than. Check out RealzTenisFanz on Twitter, Facebook as well as COMMENT on the blog! Yes spread the word. I am also looking for a logo/design or some insignia. The only sort of art I can create usually end up looking like fart. Nonetheless, I really think we could do with a cool design. So if you know anyone, I welcome submissions. Of course, I cannot pay you but you will be featured forever on the website.

Yeah gurl for realz! They need a logo so if you know someone who knows someone who knows someone, let them know and send submissions. Might make a contest out of it!

So to the tennis:
Let’s start off with the men’s

Don’t hate me cause I got the walk that everyone talks about!

Defending Champion D’Joker Harlequeen got things off against Juan Carlos Ferrero, 2003 French Open Champion and 2003 US Open runner-up. When last we saw the Serb, he was reeling from that French Open loss to Lord Dirt Divadal. Now, in that final, his serve failed him miserably. It was almost appalling to think that he had got that far with such little effort. However, at the start of these championships, he looked rather stellar in the serving department. Now, JC Ferrero aka Ferrero Rocher, as aptly named by one of the fanz, is a mere shadow of his former self and grass was never his favourite surface. I secretly think that Ferrero Rocher’s problem is that he felt that he was the original Spanish Diva until that usurper in Lord Dirt Divadal came along. His career took a dive because of his inner struggles with envious demons but that is just me. Do not go spreading this around. Ferrero Rocher was a major talent back in the days and he was one of the first Spanish guys who were willing to learn to play on other surfaces other than clay. Anyhow, we are digressing and we are already behind. Anyway, D’Joker did not waste much time in dispatching him 6-3 6-3 6-1.

6 feet of Spanish chocolate with nut all over it 🙂 Mmm Mmm good! Ferrero Rocher

Mr. Federer was looking like every bit the 6 time Wimbledon champion that he is with a 6-1 6-1 6-1 victory over Spanish lefty Albert Ramos. If only Mr. Federer dismissed all Spanish lefty in this manner. These championships, I think will be very monumental in Mr. Federer’s legacy. I am afraid this might be the only legitimate chance he has of winning another major crown. He is a strong number 3 in the world; a very formidable opponent. However, he is getting old and his match skills are not as pristine as they were in the past. He commits far too many unforced errors. Nonetheless, if Mr. Federer were to win these championships, he gets back his number one ranking and surpasses Pete Sampras for most weeks at number one. There is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Federer is going for it all this year. He might talk of playing on till 2016 but I doubt that. He should be home with his daughters and so that Mirka can have time to get back to the gym and work out. Perhaps she might consider coming back on the WTA.

Swinging through his match

Anyway, other winners include Richard Gasquet, Xavier Malisse aka X-tra Large, Mikhail Youzhny over American Donald Young, Tabasco Verdasco and Janko Sexarevic who took out David Nalbandian in straight sets. He will join his countryman Troicki who won 8-6 in the 5^th set in his first round encounter. Shark Boy Stepanek also won as did Baby Jesus Juan Manaco or should I say, Mrs. Nadalaco. Frenchman Gilles Simon moved on to the 2^nd round when his fellow Frenchman Paul-Henri Mathieu pulled out after being down 3-6 4-5. Now, Simon in his press conference had nothing to talk about it seems, so instead of showing off his chicken legs, he showed off his bird brains. He spoke of the fact that he did not think that men and women should be paid the same amount during slams as men are required to play best of 5 sets as oppose to women playing 3.

Oooo brain fart!

Now, I would have given his stance more credence if he himself had completed at least 2 sets to move into the 2^nd round. Am I to ask for my money back or halve his prize money because he did not win 3 sets? We are not even going to deal with that right now. What I do not understand is why people are still talking about this. Why at this stage in tennis era is the likes of Simon who is not even a major factor on tour, will chose this sorta forum to talk about this matter. Now, mind you, the ATP has issues that he is ignoring and could be talking about in press conference but instead, he shows himself to be a sexist half-witted tennis player. What is even worse is that even if they were to offer a trillion dollars to the men, Simon is not seeing any of that money. He is as likely to win a major as I am to sprout a vagina. Really I went there.

Pardon me as I say something stupid

If Simon did not have anything intelligent to say, why not just shut his mouth and moved on? Talk about the Olympics etc? I wish the journalist would have shut him up right then and there. However, this is “news” in their mind and they will run with it for the next two weeks. I assure you Simon, news of Shriekapova winning her 4^th slam several weeks ago made more headlines than Divadal picking up his 7^th French Open title. So, perhaps you should shut your rass and actually learn to play on grass. See this is why people say shite about the French but he is lucky I am not one of those because I know a few choice mots en français for the Frenchman.

Lurch Berdshyte crashes out of a major again in spectacular fashion

Anyway, in an effort to not digress, I will finish giving you the newz. So several big losers were shown on the 1^st day including two giants; Tomas Berdych aka Lurch Berdshyte and John Isner aka BFG (Big Friendly Giant). They were both sent packing having come into these championships with some buzz behind them. Lurch lost in straight sets, 3 tiebreakers no less, to Ernests Gulbis, whereas BFG lost to Alejandro Falla who almost knocked Mr. Federer out in the 1^st round of Wimbledon in 2010. Falla won 6-4 6-7 3-6 7-6 7-5. Again I am going to say it; BFG needs to learn how to break serve. I am tired of seeing him losing matches in this effort. He has a wonderful serve that much is true. However, his inability to be more aggressive on his return game is really hampering him. I guess the fact that Isner lost, it does not make the fact that James Blake lost as well look so bad. I think this might be the final year for the American. His struggles have been long and arduous. He should bring this one to a close. It is a shame the US are not giving him a spot on the Olympic team when he came so close to winning a medal in Beijing if that cheating skank Fernando Gonzalez had owned up to his folly.

As with those locks, so you should cut off your professional tennis career. Bid it adieu. They were only cute for a minute.

On the ladies side, I guess the biggest news was really that Venus aka Russ Troll lost against Elena Vesnina 1-6 3-6. Now, I am not going to make any excuses for the American who herself said that she is satisfied with her performance though she admitted that she came back too soon. She congratulated the Russian on her victory and got in reporters face when they claimed she was struggling. Russ Troll was not having any of that negativity in her press conference. Anyway, she gets a second chance at life as the US just announced the Olympic team and she and her sister will be entered in both the singles and doubles event.

At least I get free towels.

Shriekapova, fresh off her French Open victory, got through her opponent 6-2 6-3 as did British hopeful Heather Watson. Other winners include Sam Stosur, D’Stove who just dismantled Spaniard Carla Suarez-Navarro. While we are on the subject of Carla, cannot anyone really do something about this child? I have long suggested that they make her grow her hair out as well as add some bows, ribbons and girlish clips to it. However, no one is taking heed. It is really sad to look upon this child. Spain should be ashamed of itself having the men looking far better cared for than its women.

Lady Hobbit

One of the more interesting match ups of the tournament was Mommie Dearest aka Princess Fiona aka Kim Clijsters vs Five Head Jungle Witch Jankovic. Fivehead is struggling to get at least one head in the game as her tennis woos continue. The 18^th seed is out and Mommie Dearest goes on to the 2^nd round in her quest for her 1^st Wimbledon title. She is set to retire once more. This will be her “last” Wimbledon she claims. However, she is still plagued with “injuries”

Mommie Dearest and Fivehead Jungle Witch

Anyway, other winners were Losicki, Krazilenko, Carebear Kerber, Fatrova, Creature Rus, Sloane Stephens, LiNaLi, Pironkova and Draculetta Cirstea. Americans Vania King and Melanie Oudin were knocked out as was 16^th seed Flavia Pennetta. Jaime Lee Hampton of the US knocked out Daniella Hepburnova 6-4 7-6. There might be some depth to the American ladies in the next coming years. I almost forgot, Bratzwanska won her match and would have face Russ Troll had she won.

It is a shame you won’t be around Russ Troll because I rather liked this outfit!

 

Wimbledon 2011: Update

Oh I have left you all out in the wilderness to be getting your tennis updates from unsavory sources. I am sincerely sorry. I have been exhausted for the past few days. Whenever I come home from work and I look at my computer, it is not what I want to deal with at the moment. For those of you who do not check the website, I did post something for the Round of 16 action and it was a hot day on Monday…a very very very hot day

It was a scorcher out there

My predictions and you know I was almost right on all accounts. I had noted for the Men’s action:

Mr. Federer, we hope you go all the way

• Lochness Monster plays Richard Gasquet (This might be a tough match for Nessie) Nessie won of course in straight sets
• Mr. Divadal against Beast Boy (HUGE MATCH either one can win) Mr. Divadal called out the trainer when things were not going his way to slow down Beasty momentum. Mr. Divadal won in 4 sets. 
• D’Joker plays Michael Llodra (D’Joker) D’Joker was merely warming up on court against the Frenchman. Harlequeen won in straights. 
• Mr. Federer plays Mikhail Youzhny (Mr. Federer of course) Mr. Federer lost the first set in a tiebreaker but cleaned up his game and took it in 4 sets. 
• Mardy Fish former Whale takes on Lurch (I think Fish can make the upset) Fish did make the upset and in straight sets too. Lurch is going to tumble out of the rankings because he lost first round at the French having made the semis last year and he did not get to the finals of the Wimbeldon. 
• Lukasz Kubot against FeFe (Interesting match up but I think FeFe might pull it off) Kubot was up 2 sets to love before he allowed FeFe to get his way back into the match. FeFe won in 5 sets.

Aussie Tomic...might as well get a glimpse of him now as you might not see him again

• Bernard Tomic vs. XXX Man (Tomic is playing really good tennis plus XXX is too large) Tomic of course won. He will face D’Joker but he will be too tired. He has played 7 straight matches already but great for Aussie tennis and men’s tennis that this lil upstart is making some noise on the tour. 
• Fiery Ferrer vs. Baby Ali (A toss up but I think Baby Ali might pull it off) Baby Ali did pull it off and in straight sets too. 

FeFe made it through

Nessie can you handle all of FeFe??

For the ladies, these were my pick,

• The Serenanator takes on Gloria the Hippo (Serenanator of course) I was wrong about this because you know there is no shame in my game that I favour the Williams sisters. The Serenanator looked like an old model on court as the Hippo kept bouncing her around. Hippo went through to the quarters. 
• Ebony Starr will play Pironkova (Oh Pironkova has her number but I think ES can put her in her place this time around) As if caught in a Groundhog Day nightmare, Ebony Starr was as dull as dishwater on court. She got smacked around again by this lil Bulgarian B(shut your mouth). Anyway, shame is that neither Pironkova or Fatrolli will make it to the semis, I think the other girls are far more talented.  
• Danish Biscuit plays Cibulkova (Cibulkova because I think she wants it more) I got this one right as well Cibulkova stormed back and took it in 3 sets. 
• Shriekapova vs Shuai Peng (Shriekapova will get this one more than likely. Peng has no power) Like a bat outta hell she dismissed Shuai Peng. Watch out for this Russian. 
• Azarenka takes on Fatrova (Azarenka without a doubt) You know I got this right too. 
• Sabine Lisicki plays Petra Cetkovska (Lisicki is just on a roll) This was a no contest. Lisicki took the match with ease. 
• Yanina Wickmayer vs High Head Witch (Hmm I think Kvitova aka High Head Witch will get the win) High Head Witch was not even playing on court as opposed to casting her prodigious tennis spells around. 
• Tamira Paszek plays Ksenia Pervak (Paszek I think) Paszek won too. 

Someone get her an asthma pump because grandma needs some air

So all in all I got like 14.5 out of 16. I say that is not bad at all.

Azarenka is my girl now

Anyway yesterday, the ladies played their quarterfinals match and true to form, neither Piranhakova and Fatrolli made it through to the semifinals. As a matter of fact, in their very first game, they were broken, something neither Williams’s sisters were able to do. As a matter of fact, I think their serves were broken almost at the wills of Head High Witch and Lisicki. Piranhakova and Fatrolli did manage to win the second sets in a tie breaker but they were dismantled in the third. It was an absolute waste of an upset they had. Anyway, I am backing Azarenka all the way. She took out her opponent late in the night as rain disrupted play once again. Shriekapova looked as though she is ready to claim another Wimbledon title. To be honest, she has been playing increasingly better as the year has gone on. She is most consistent and you know she is a fighter. She crushed Cibulkova on court allowing only two games for the Slovakian. It was most disheartening.

Jubliant Lisicki

So we are left with Shriekapova vs. Lisicki in one semis and Azarenka vs Kvitova. Unfortunately, I will not be back ing Shriekapova to go anywhere. I really want some young blood to win this title. Sorta tired of the old hens taking the title and the WTA really need some french new faces of champions. Also unfortunate is that Kvitova really looks like a witch…but she can do magic on court so I am not really hating. However, I really really like me some Azarenka and I will love for her to face Lisicki because I think she is also playing some really good tennis this fortnight.

Anyways as for the menz…Today they play their quarterfinals

I'm a take me a timeout...my footsie wootsie is hurting so "badly" God do not like ugly Mr. Divadal, he most certainly is against it and you my friend are HIDEOUS. You will soon get your comeuppance

1. Well Mr. Federer will be facing Baby Ali (I give this one to Mr. Federer. Just too much variety and plus we at a major, Wimbledon to be exact. However, Baby Ali is not going out without a fight)
2. Lochness Monster takes on FeFe (Well this is going to be very very interesting. I do not know how much longer FeFe can keep up his grass court game because he played 5 sets recently and Nessie is as fit as a fiddle. However, I think FeFe might just be dismissed. Although I have to say that Nessie has been under the radar and I think he is lacking real confidence. He has had a really bad year thus far.
3. Mr. Divadal “after being cleared to play from his foot MRI” (just a load of utter fcukery) will play Mardy the Fish former whale. I will be foolish to bet against Mr. Divadal but I will love for Fish to make a big splash here. It’s just a wish. So Mr. Divadal will go through.
4. D’Joker Harlequeen takes on Tomic and I swear it will be a massacre on court as the Serbian will complete obliterate the Australian. (An almost straight set rout for the D’Joker)

Will be an easy day at the office for this one today. He most certainly will have time to do his nails and a facial later on.

So I think you are all caught up to speed right now. Don’t forget to tune into tennis this weekend 9:00 a.m. Eastern time on both Saturday and Sunday on NBC.

Too bad we won't be seeing much of you around after today Baby Ali

Magnificent/Monster Monday at Wimbledon 2011

Although Wimbledon does not play tennis on the first Sunday (Middle Sunday) like all other majors, this results in a very unique feature. One the second Monday, all remaining singles players have to play their Round of 16 matches. It is a jam packed schedule and RTF will be there (albeit in spirit) to give you complete and controversial coverage.

Can Mr. Federer reclaim his Wimbledon crown?

On the Men’s side..
Lochness Monster plays Richard Gasquet (This might be a tough match for Nessie)
Mr. Divadal against Beast Boy (HUGE MATCH either one can win)
D’Joker plays Michael Llodra (D’Joker)
Mr. Federer plays Mikhail Youzhny (Mr. Federer of course)
Mardy Fish former Whale takes on Lurch (I think Fish can make the upset)
Lukasz Kubot against FeFe (Interesting match up but I think FeFe might pull it off)
Bernard Tomic vs. XXX Man (Tomic is playing really good tennis plus XXX is too large)
Fiery Ferrer vs. Baby Ali (A toss up but I think Baby Ali might pull it off)

Can she make it a three-peat

On the Women’s side
The Serenanator takes on Gloria the Hippo (Serenanator of course)
Ebony Starr will play Pironkova (Oh Pironkova has her number but I think ES can put her in her place this time around)
Danish Biscuit plays Cibulkova (Cibulkova because I think she wants it more)
Shriekapova vs Shuai Peng (Shriekapova will get this one more than likely. Peng has no power)
Azarenka takes on Fatrova (Azarenka without a doubt)
Sabine Lisicki plays Petra Cetkovska (Lisicki is just on a roll)
Yanina Wickmayer vs High Head Witch (Hmm I think Kvitova aka High Head Witch will get the win)
Tamira Paszek plays Ksenia Pervak (Paszek I think)

Wetter Wimbledon 2011: Day 5

Day 5 again brought the rain and play was again halted and eventually suspended. Nonetheless there was action on the courts and much of it was magnificent indeed. For the ladies, Victoria Azarenka was sloppy in her win over Daniela Hantuchova who had seemed poised to do well here as she had good results in the very short grass court season prior to the start of Wimbledon. However, we all know she is a big ole flop and never worth betting on. Maria Shriekapova had another local favourite challenger in the form of Laura Robson of Great Britain who seemed on her way to an upset as she raced to a 4-1 lead in the first set but again she faltered and was sent packing as the Russian Banshee won in straight sets.

That's not a relax look on Shriekapova's face. She's clueless as she is about to play up at net. She's not even watching the ball.

Ebony Starr Williams was twinkling in her match against Spain’s Maria Jose Martinez-Sanchez. Ebony Starr came out blistering as she surrendered only 2 games 6-0 6-2. However, she next faces Tsetvana Pironkova who has twice knocked her out of a major including last year’s Wimbledon. Pironkova ranked in the top 30’s is a mostly C level player but ever so often she can come up with some brilliant and bothersome tennis. She is left handed so she can give you a lot of junk ball. She already dismantled the #2 seed in Vera Zvonereva in straight sets 6-2 6-3. Vera is going to lose all those points she won last year having made it to the finals.

Ebony, how about we put this outfit in a fitted plastic bag and never let it out again?

I am sorry this thing is just atrocious. It's an old lady's pant suit. You know it is made of lace right. I mean it looks like someone cut up a bloody tablecloth and sewn together by animals a la Cinderella.

Meanwhile Danish Biscuit, raced to the 3^rd round as her match was delayed due to rain and Marion Bartoli aka Gloria the Hippo aka La Petite Grosse and I am also liking Fatoli or even Fatrolli or BarTROLLi (I am really sorry I am not really trying to be very mean but every time I look at Bartoli she just never give me the sense she washes up)…I think that is too much even for the Hippo to carry. Anyway, the point of me mentioning her is that she won her 2^nd round match. She took out Dominguez of Spain in 3 sets. Gloria is a big gurl and she is a hard worker. So she might be making some noise in London. Let’s not forget that she made it to the finals in 2007 knocking out…demolishing the then in great form Justine Cheating Henin. However, she met Ebony Starr Williams in the finals and well ES won her 4^th Wimbledon crown.

Well slap me silly and call me Suzie, here is Gloria looking all cleaned up! Well I am going to say it, you look very nice indeed. You could have chosen a different dress to bring out the girls a bit more but I understand your effort to be modest.

Yanina Wickmayer of Belgium is trying to carry the flag for her country as Mommie Dearest was forced to pull out of Wimbledon with ankle injury. So Yanina who I swears looks more like a Yannick took out another androgynous being in the like of Svetlana Kuznetsova aka Boynetsova aka Kuzi-Rex…I rather like Kuzi-Rex.

Tell me she doesn't look like a dinosaur? Kuzi-Rex

Andrea Petkovic another ladyboy, lost which can be seen as somewhat of an upset. She is one of those young guns who everyone predicts can win a major soon or at least contend. I, on the other hand, just find her bloody annoying especially with that stupid dance she does when she wins a match. I am always happy when someone takes her out so as I do not have to see her moving around on court like some goobling turkey. She lost in straight sets to another up and coming Russian Ksenia Pervak or something like that. Never heard of her before but I guess I have now. Anyhow, quietly moving through the draw is another Russian, Nadia Fatrova. She can be problematic when she wants to but mostly she loses when the stakes are high. I think that is about it for the ladies….Oh yeah… Schiabone was locked in a battle against Austrian Tamira Paszek. It seems that it is not a major unless Schiabone finds herself in some long arduous match. Apparently she forgets that she is old. She does have this ability to pull out a win in these matches, which fuels her for the rest of the tournament and she is slowly making herself a name to contend with at majors. However, I think this luck will soon run out because I really hate to hear her make those ridiculous grunting sounds on court as if she is suffering from TB; this weird wheezing rattling sound. Nonetheless, if it gets here through the point, let her do it.

By the way, there has been much talk about the “grunting” in tennis and I have a lot to say about it but not going to go into all that right now. However, I will say that I do not give a flying fcuk about what they are doing on court. They can grunt as long and hard as they want to. It really is not that serious. This whole new talk of talking about the “grunting in tennis” is rather sexist and ridiculous. The argument is largely skewed to one side; the women.

Men grunt all the time. Mr. Divadal, Harlequeen, Gustavo Kuerten etc. They are always grunting but whenever the talk of grunting comes up, they are always citing female players. It is rather ridiculous. Wimbledon is talking about banning grunting altogether. Let them try. I swear I will organize a boycott.

See, I did not want to go on about it just now but it really infuriates me every time I hear the topic come up for discussion. It is stupid. Humans always make noise/sounds whenever exerting great effort. I think part of the issue has to do with sex, not in terms of gender but in terms of intercourse. Notice whenever the topic of grunting comes up it is mostly men who are talking of banning it and they point to women especially ladies like Victoria Azarenka and Maria Shriekapova. The thing is that they are imagining sexual intercourse because it is during that activity that women make “these ridiculous” sounds (So I have heard and seen on television) The idea of women’s sexual liberation frightens most men. They hate to think that a woman is getting off without them. Hence why they really hate lesbians especially the Rosie O’Donnell kind and constantly say stupid shite like “Portia di Rossi just needs a stiff c….wait a minute, this blog has a mostly PG13 rating. Don’t want to step it up just now.) Notice that “straight” porn always has a lesbian scene and the sex is orchestrated by men for the enjoyment of men. The implication is always given that the “lesbians” are not munching on carpets or as my mama says “licking swallow plate” because they want to, it is because they are “made” to. There are never any gay male scenes in “straight porn” despite the fact that a lot allegedly straight men engage in some type of homosexual behavior (THEY DO) AND a lot of “gay porn stars” are in fact “straight” with wives and everything; gay for pay they call it….I always thought that you were a hooker when you are being paid for sex hmmm…(Meanwhile stupid fools like me, doing it for free) The ladies who are “grunting” are sounding very sexual indeed and they are being aggressive, take charge and getting it on. They are also very very stylish, in fashion and revered as sexual idols but they always in full control of their own “orgasms.” This is driving men and by that I mean “heterosexual men” crazy it seems. No one dares tell Lebron James to “shut the fcuk up” when he is on court. I heard one critic cite Roger Federer as being the example for players who do not “grunt.” First off Mr. Federer does make sounds on court and secondly, there is a lot of things Mr. Federer “does do” that others do not, par example, he does not sweat and his hair is never ever EVER out of place. It is almost as if he can command the winds. Anyway, I think I have said enough about the subject for now. All I want to say is let the women be. If it is wasting energy, it is their energy. If you find it annoying, either just deal or go home and watch the match on a muted television. I mean seriously, I swear some people really need to add more fiber or perhaps add laxative to their diet because they are back up and shit just flowing upwards to their mouths instead of out their @$$; verbal diarrhea. But then again, I really think there are people whose @$$holes are below their noses.

Fancy Free FeFe Lopez.

Anyway to the menz’s action on Day 5. Feliciano Lopez ex boyfriend of Mr. Divadal took out Mr. Brooklyn Decker in straight sets 7-6 7-6 7-4. It was a rather clean match between the two with a combination of 23 errors, Lopez only making 7 throughout the entire match. However, I think that is mostly because both players are big servers and win a lot of points on serve. Anyway, I have to say that I am thoroughly disappointed with Mr. Brooklyn Decker because I am sick and tired of seeing him bouncing out early at majors. Since his runner up at Wimbledon in 2009 (An absolutely epic match), he has played 7 majors and only made it past the 4^th round once and that was only to the quarterfinals where he lost. Besides the French Open, Mr. Brooklyn Decker’s game is well suited for all the other surfaces and has made it to at least the semis to each of them on several occasions. His service is rock solid and yet he finds himself in tie breaks and losing the set. (He only won 4 points during the tie breaks in his lost to Lopez).

Another dejected Mr. Brooklyn Decker. There is something odd about this picture... Can someone tell me why?

I swear Andy is a jock of the worst kind. This is the same nonsense that happened to him last year at Wimbledon when he went out to Lu of Taiwan. When will he learn that he needs to be more aggressive on his return game. He can afford to take chances then especially since he is virtually guaranteed to hold his own serve. Andy when I say take chances, I do not mean to rush to net because we know how disastrous those efforts have been for you in the past. If you keep chipping away at your opponents’ game, eventually you will get that break, which is exactly what Lopez did to you. There were only 3 breaks of serves in the match, two of which were neutralized as they came in the 1^st, there was none in the 2^nd set and Lopez had the lone crucial break in the 3^rd. I know I am always hating on Mr. Decker but you know I only hate judiciously and I really do think that he is far from being the model of mediocrity that he has lately taken up with being.

Rumour has it that Judy Murray, Mama Lochness Monster calls the Spaniard Deliciano Lopez; that ole cougar! But gurl, we ain't mad at you at all. You got taste but we are going to call him FeFe here okay. Deliciano sounds like a stripper name and well we are classy here in these parts and don't consort with strippers. Nevertheless, they say the proof is tasting and I am not going to lie, I would take me a bite of this any day.

There's the Cougar...Cougy Judy

Anyway, Lochness Monster had some issues with Ivan Ljubicic a dangerous floater from Croatia but pulled through in 4 sets. He was very much on the brink of going into a 5^th set but pulled it out. In other wins, Bernard Tomic of Australia took out Igor Andreev, boyfriend of Maria Kirilenko in 5 sets. Tomic was down 2 sets to love and pulled it out. It should be noted that Tomic is a qualifier. Jurgen Melzer of Austria took out Dmitry Tursanov, the Russian American in 4 sets in a carried over match. I really do think Wimbledon have to figure out a way to deal with the rain delays because it is really hard especially on the men to have to play one match over several days and then come back the next day to play the next round. They have to play best of 5 sets. That’s really difficult on bodies and minds. Richard Gasquet took out Italian Simone Bolleli who saw his luck ran out.

Lochness Monster lurking out in the deep

Anyway, these were for the most part, the only matches completed as rain came pouring down. Lurch who was in full control of the match against American Alex Bogomolove Jr, saw his match delayed as did Mr. Divadal who had just won the first set in a tie break against Gilles Muller, the last person whose name is not Mr. Federer to beat him here. In 2005, lefty Muller handled Divadal in the 2^nd round. Since then, however, Muller was been forgotten and Divadal has made it to the finals or better at Wimbledon. Beetlejuice is also locked in a battle with Lukas Kubot of Poland I think (too lazy to check…it’s either Poland or Czech Republic…I have to check…yeah, he is from Poland) Anyway, they are all tied at a set a piece, 3 games all deuce!. LOL I say they both have an equal chance of winning on Day 6. Anyway, that’s it for Day 5. I wanted to make a combination of Days 5 and 6 but it seems I really went on a tangent so I have to split them up I think.

Mrs. Lochness Monster, though slimmer than Mrs. Federer, I say Mirka got the fashion thing down better than this one. Where did she get this frock from and is that curtain drapes lace trimming? And seriously, you need to stuff that frock into that bag and stuff that into a garbage. You get a big E for Egregious!

Is that Ronald Weasley?? He looks really dirty. Tergeo! Should do the trick

She not serious right? I mean I understand wanting to hide that ridiculously ugly top looking like someone attacked her with a bouquet of flowers but she does she have a winter coat on in June?

Anyone care for a meal? A side of ham?

How about some sushi?

How about some dessert? A banana split with a cherry on top

I am almost choking myself as I clutch my "pearls" at how beyond common this is; just simply base level. I think the Indians call them "Untouchables" I am so happy they at least have the decency to hide their faces

AND JUST IN TIME FOR GAY PRIDE

Wurk it!

My My, I think we have a tranny on tour

Ladyboy

WOW you have a lot of cheek and nerves to be exposing your ballz like that

Ah young love.

My endless love

Ah sorry... there's no sex on the Center Court room okay.....Mr. Divadal fix your face. You're in mixed company

Wet Wimbledon 2011: Days 3 and 4

Rain again disrupted play and all eyes was focused on Center Court as 5-time champion Venus Williams take on Kimiko Date-Krumm. They are two of the veterans on tour with the American just turned 31last Friday and Date-Krumm looking towards her 41^st birthday.

The Senior ladies Tour??

The match was the only one being played as Center Court is the only court with a retractable roof. Now you have to understand that when there is a retractable roof, the game changes as you are no longer outdoor with the conditions of the weather to aid and/or annoy you but playing indoor in a stilled air, cavernous chamber. Venus came out very lackluster and soon found herself down 1-5. Date-Krumm was on fire. It seemed that she was ready for the upset.

Being stretched to the limit

Venus has never lost to anyone on Center Court but the Serenanator and it looked like Date-Krumm was going to change that. However, they don’t call her Ebony Starr for nothing as she reeled off 5 straight games to go up 6-5. She had set point on Date-Krumm’s serve but the Japanese was not having that and took it to a tie-break. Again it was the same story, DK was out 6-2 when the American came back and leveled it 6-6 but she will go on to lose the next two points and the first set. The crowd was buzzing as it seemed that the Grass Court Queen was going to go out to a granny.

Itch this is my house!!! You have Alzheimer's? Do you know who I am?

Venus kept her composure and soon the 2^nd set and an early break in the 3^rd set were in her hand. But we are talking about Venus here and no one loves to play tight rope tennis like the American, so you know she gave back the break. The match stayed on serve and soon it was 7-6 to the American. Being the true champion that she is, Venus decided enough was enough and broke DK for the victory 6-7 6-3 8-6. This was easily the best match of the tournament so far. I have to say that the quality of the match was really good and very entertaining all around.

Ebony Starr in she granny pants suit

So finally the rain let up and play began on the outer courts. Petra Kvitova aka “Grand High Witch” beat ever British hopeful Anne Keothavong in straight sets. Keothavong’s brother is also an ATP/WTA chair umpire. If you ever see an Asian looking guy with a British accent, that’s Anne’s big brother. Anyway, Zvonareva beat her sometimes doubles partner, Elena Vesnina in straight sets. However, she is not looking sharp at all for someone who has made it to last year’s final. Other winners include Andrea Petkovic, Agnes Radwanska, Sabine Lisicki, Julia Georges, Dominika Cibulkova (former gf of Beetlejuice…EHhhhhh I know), Victoria Azarenka, Daniela Huntochova and Tsetvana Pironkova who took out Venus last year in the quarters and could face her again in the Round of 16 if she can beat Zvaonareva and Venus gets past her Spanish opponent. American Bethanie Mattek-Sands, (seeded 32 or 30…I more so think she is seeded 30) who created all that nonsense publicity with “Gaga Tennis outfit” lost in the first round. Are we surprised? I don’t think so.

Mattek-Sands in her tennis outfit. If there is any justice on court, they would allow me to go on court and just beat she with this jacket until I am weary. Can you believe this shite?

Day 4 for the ladies was catch-up time as some players had to play two days straight. The talk of the town was whether the Serenanator was ready for Wimbledon as she has been off for nearly a year. She had an emotional win in the first round against French woman Avarane Rezai and now face another upstart Romanian Simona Halep. Halep came out on first and she was pushing the Serenanator around on court like a rag doll. However, the Serenanator who came out with a ponytail put her hair in a bun because she was ready for a fight. She lost the first set 3-6 and said, “Ok! You showed me what you can do. Now let me show you what I can do!” Halep won only three more games, losing the match 3-6 6-2 6-1. Now so face watching the championships in regards to the arrival of Venus and Serena back on tour, I have to say that I noticed a calmer demeanor from them both. They are not making a big fuss when things go wrong and also they are correcting their errors. However, they are very tentative at times and are not playing the aggressive style we are use to but it is still early and a lot more tennis to come.

The Serenanator showing backbone?!!

A “major” upset took place yesterday as NaLiNa 3^rd seed lost to Sabine Lisicki of Germany (Ms. Lisicki is a 1^st generation Polish). After recent success on the red stuff, NaLiNa (I have to say that I am getting tired with the name bit. I really want to call her Chun Li but that might be offensive…Don’t you think? I think I am going to call her Chun Li until someone says otherwise.) Anyway Chun Li had recent success on the red stuff and now had to make the adjustment on grass. Chun Li is a competent player and looking at the match yesterday, she had that match in the bag. Though she lost the first set, she was all over that ball in the 2^nd set, which she won and in the 3^rd, at least in the earlier part of the set. She had two match points and served for the match but seemed to have lost her way. Earlier this month, Lisicki was so overcome with nerves when she had Vera Zvonareva on the ropes at the French Open, that she had to be removed by stretcher off the court. She was a howling hot mess! It was Chun Li who was all jubilant at the French but here at Wimbledon, things reverse. It was Chun Li who the hot mess as she became upset over a bad call in the last few games on the match, had to replay a point she had won before the call, and now, is probably on some stretcher in a psyche ward wondering how she lost a match that was in her hand.

Lisicki with tears of joy at this major

Two other seeded players lost as well Radwanska (13) and Lucie Safarova (31).  Other winners include Melinda Czink who took out Sam “D’Stove” Stosur is still alive and so is Ana Ivanovic who is usually out of majors at this time. She is through to the 3^rd round as is Schiabone, Fatrova, Wickmayer, Kuzi-Rex, Maria Kirilenko who will face the Serenanator.

Anyway, we are running out of time so I will get to the menz..

Day 3’s limited action saw Mr. Divadal, Mr. Brooklyn Decker, D’Joker Harlequeen, Tomas Berdych aka Lurch and Lochness Monster handling their business. They all won in straight sets and look rather comfortable though I have to put an asterisk next to Lochness Monster. Something tells me he is going to be bounced before the quarters. There is something off about him this year. I have to give the American men a shout out because they have been showing some good stuff as of late. Mardy Fish former Whale also won in straight set as did Alex Bogomolov Jr (a semi veteran and journeyman…usually playing challengers..think minor league of tennis) Bogo took out the 25^th seed Juan Ignacio Chin-Chela.

Ginger Snap! Here is a picture of Bogo. Unlikely you might see him again in these parts of a major

Milos Raonic, a favourite here in these parts, crashed and burned as he injured himself in the first set of his match and had to retire. Fernando “Tabasco Verdasco” Verdasco (21), resident hottie here, was looking more like ketchup as he lost in 4 sets. I do not know what the hell is up with him but this year has been rather dismal. His level of play is so poor it is almost as if he wants to lose each match.

Tabasco Verdasco is turning into more of a sour condiment these days. Nonetheless, he still a hottie and superficiality never ever goes amiss here at RTF.

Meanwhile his countryman Feliciano Lopez and Frenchmen Richard Gasquet and Beetlejuice won their matches to move through to the 3^rd round. Another upset was Stanislav Wawrinka who will not heed my advice and get his fat @$$ to a gym. He lost to lucky loser (you lost in final round of qualifying but got placed in the main draw because a main draw entrant pulled out) Simone Bolleli. Bolleli it seems is making a business of this LL bit as he was a LL at the French and made headways in the draw. Now he is in the 3^rd round of Wimbledon when he did not even qualify to be here. It’s like a gate crasher upstaging the birthday boy!” Funny business indeed. Unfortunate newz for a special fanz who likes to keep up with the Israeli tennis happenings, Shahar Peer who lost early here will have company as Dudi Sela lost in straight sets to Frenchman Gilles Simon 7-6 6-4 7-5.

Ehummm. Another day!

On Day 4, which again saw limited action. However, there was an epic match on Center Court as Robin Hood took on Dingo Dog Llyton Hewitt. Hewitt, champion here in 2002 and the last non-Federer/non-Nadal winner of these championships was up 2 sets and a break. It seemed for all the world that the Swede was about to be bounced out of the hood. However, real hood don’t go out like a punk and Hood held his own and took the 3^rd set 7-5.

Things were about to fade to black for this gangsta

The rest of the match was very high quality not that it wasn’t before and the Aussie was done in again by his lack of serving ability. He lost the 4^th and 5^th sets 4-6 4-6. I know a lot has been spoken about Hewitt recent fall from grace and much is said about his “slowness” on court now that he is older. However, I think the real problem for Hewitt is his serve. He never had a good serve and his first service percentage is abysmal. Against the big hitters who dominate the top 10 and as well as throughout the entire field, they simply snack away on his 2^nd serve as though rice cakes. Anyway, I give him 2 more years on tour if not one because I think Becky Cathwraight or whatever his wife’s name is, she is going to be putting a stamp on all the traveling and demand that he stay home. Look for Hewitt in 2-3 years to be fat, balding with a ton of kids at his ankles and his wife up and went off with some other guy. She is biding her time.

Adios mate...

Anyway, D’Joker Harlequeen and Mr. Federer were absolutely stellar in their matches though Mr. Federer had to play well into the English night as the Soderling/Hewitt match and Chun Li/Lisicki match all went the distance. Why Wimbledon start play at 1 p.m. is beyond me?

Flying through his matches

It's more like a warm up session than an actual match you know

Beast Boy aka Juan Martin Del Potro who lost the first set on Day 3 but match was suspended till Day 4 came out like a beast against the diminutive Oliver Rochus. Rochus took the first set on Day 7-6 but on Day 4, Beast Boy gnawed him up like a piece of beef bone only surrendering 5 games 6-7 6-1 6-0 6-4.

Seriously?? Seriously?? He doesn't even get to his shoulder. I guess in the rematch David got his @$$ handed to him by Goliath.

Meanwhile Fiery Ferrer is locked in a battle with American Ryan Harrison. The Spaniard has to win in 5 set as he is down 1-2 sets. However, he has a break in the 4^th. Can the American upset the 7^th seed. Marcos Fatdatis former semifinalist is through to the 3^rd round as is another former semifinalist here XXX-Man aka Xavier Malisse. Fernando Gonzalez of Chile is back on tour after being out for a significant portion of last year into this year. He is also through to the 3^rd round as is David Nalbandian a former finalist (he lost to Hewitt in 2002). Nalbandian will face Mr. Federer in the 3^rd round. Unfortunately John Isner aka BFG lost to Nicolas Almagro. I was really hoping that BFG made something of these championships but alas, I hope in vain.

A refreshing moment...ahhhhhhh

(Can't talk right now!)

A lot of matches were suspended because of delays caused by the rain. Nevertheless, you are all caught up now. Day 5 will see Mr. Divadal, Lochness Monster, Venus (I don’t have the heart to call her Russ Troll as she got the hair together and I don’t want to call her Crackhead anymore. So it is Venus for now. Wait I am going to call her Ebony Starr…those are her middle names)

BIG PICTURE SHOW

I always knew he could dip it low. Ah..I would like to point that I think Harlequeen is sorta missing the point here.

Sometimes you just can't find the right hole.

Oh that's why they call it a Vee

Ebony Starr gurl... I think you are being extra with this now.

You do the hokey pokey and shake it all about

Is she homeless or something? Why is she wearing so much clothing? Or is the extra coat for Mr. Federer?

Seems like Brooklyn reads our lil publication because she has cleaned up very nicely indeed

What is he doing on court with Baby Ali? Do I have to go cut a motherfcuker now?

Security fail!

Frustration fail

Skanks fail!

Speaking of skanks..Camilla Parker Boyles now The Duchess of Cornwall and Patron Living Saint and Inspiration for all the "Mistress/Other Woman" there are in the world

And this is just fail... I mean WTF is he doing? Why am I seeing his pubes?

See you tomorrow. Hopefully there is no rain!