Wimbledon 2014: Day 2

Day 2

So here we are with Day 2 at the 2014 Wimbledon Championships. Nearly all matches were completed and most of the big names got through to the 2^nd round. However, there were some upsets mostly on the women’s side. The men seem to be in it for the money; 1^st round money is very good but 2^nd round money is even better.

Divadal finally made it to the 2nd round of a grass court tournament

Divadal (2) won his 1^st round match … well that is to say that he finally won a match on grass. He took out Martin Klizan 4-6 6-3 6-3 6-3. Interestingly enough they met last year at the French Open in the 2^nd round. The scoreline was the same. Klizan had his chances to do much more but he could not execute on the big points. Divadal does not look so smooth but it does not matter. A win is a win. You don’t win a major in the first week but you sure can lose one. Things are even more interesting because guess who Divadal is playing in the 2^nd round …. None other than Lukas Rosol himself; the man who started Divadal’s troubles on grass back in 2012 when he dismissed him at Wimbledon in the 2^nd round. After that loss, Divadal disappeared from tour claiming “The Knees were acting up.” He returned to the tour in February 2013. Divadal did not lose a single match on hard court all of 2013. Now I am not starting any rumours here, I am just stating facts. Rosol took out French hotness Benoit Paire in his opening round match 6-3 3-6 7-6 6-4. It is very very very very unlikely that Rosol will score another upset but non-fanz of Divadal will be ever hopeful that lightening will strike twice.

SHIT! I thought I was going to get that upset today

Anyway we digress, Baby Ali (14) finished up his match against Meltdown by serving it out at love 6-1 3-6 3-6 6-2 6-4. When rain interrupted play on Monday, Baby Ali was up 5-4 in the 5^th. Also finishing up his match was Sam Querrey aka The Grinch. He knocked out fellow American Bradley Klahn 6-7 6-4 6-1 7-5.

Even though he only played one game today, you know we hardly need an excuse to show Baby Ali

Mr. Federer (4) won his match with relative ease 6-1 6-1 6-3. He took out Italian Paolo Lorenzi. Mr. Federer had 9 aces, 40 winners and 20 errors. However, a lot of those errors came about as a result of poor execution. I can’t deal with a sloppy Federror. He needs to do better. His level of play will suffice for the scrubs and lower tiers of the ATP but when he meets the likes Goonie Gulbis, Divadal et al, it will not hold up at all. Nonetheless we move on: Fellow Swiss player, Stan the Man (5) or “Stanimal” as he being called… for me Wawrinka cannot be a “Stanimal” when he is losing regular tour matches to scrubs on a regular basis. When he has multiple majors and master series title, then he’ll be “Stanimal” for now he is just “Stan the Man” who beat Divadal’s @$$ in the Aussie Open final causing Divadal to claim “bad back.” Anyway, Stan the Man took out hotness Joao Sousa 6-3 6-4 6-3. Stan had 18 aces. That’s some big boy serving.

Mr. Federer

Stan the Man

Other seeded players who won include up and coming contenders Milos Raonic aka Dennis the Menace (8), BFG Isner (9), Kei Nishikori (10), Richard Gasquet (13) who needed 5 sets to get rid of his opponent, James Duckworth 6-7 6-3 3-6 6-0 6-1. Jerzy Janowicz (15) also needed 5 sets to get past Somdev Dewarman 4-6 6-3 6-3 3-6 6-3. FeFe Lopez (19) who must be super exhausted having played two weeks of tennis coming into this tournament. Lopez won three tiebreaker sets to move through to the 2^nd round. Philipp Kohlschreiber (22) won in straight sets as did Beetlejuice (24). Tommy Robredo (22) won his 1^st round match in 4 sets.

I gotta say that one arm bit looks really cool on Dennis the Menace Raonic

Several players of interest also won today including Nick Kyrgios of Australia (a hottie, if you like that thickish of Greek and Malay heritage) and fellow Aussie Llyeton Hewitt. Gilles Muller who took out Andy Roddick in 2005 1^st round also won as did American Jock Sock, Lukas Kubot, quarterfinalist here last year, Jarrko Nieminen and Mikhail Kukushkin. There were several upsets including unseeded Alejandro Falla who did well on the grass leading up to Wimbledon; he lost in straight sets to Ante Pavic of Croatia. Guillermo Garcia-Lopez (28) lost to Dusan Lajovic in 5 sets; Ivo Karlovic (29) lost in straight sets to Franck Dancevic and Dimitri Tursunov (32) lost to Denis Istomin. So that’s about it for the men’s.

BFG Isner will now be known as the Troll

Oh I just want to point you to a story regarding John Isner aka BFG … (See link below) http://trollandgarros.tumblr.com/post/89253044033/isner-puts-his-white-privilege-on-display-says-the  It is a really good read. See I really have an issue with Isner’s comments. First off, I do not know why or how he felt he had the necessary “credentials” to weigh in on this matter. However, I like the fact that the author of this piece served up some “truth tea detox” Second since I am in FULL agreement … well let me know say full but I am with the author on many of his salient points AND also somewhat dismayed by Isner’s ensuing comments when others tried to enlighten him; I am going to change Isner’s name. From henceforth, BFG which means Big Friendly Giant will just still be “Troll” or perhaps “Mountain Troll” I would really like to hear from you on this matter. I do not understand how people can think “Redskins” is okay to be calling a professional football time. I mean I do not even know why the sport is even called “football” but we not even going to touch that one.

BFG is now a Troll

On the women’s side: The Serenanator (1) is looking good. She had a tough opening service game which took her 10 minutes to complete. She later said that she played well but the girl was hitting some good shots. Anyway, the demons did not come out because the Serenanator was all over Ana Tatishivili as she took her out 6-1 6-2. She had 31 winners of which 16 were aces and 13 unforced errors. Those are some healthy numbers; very very healthy and positive. Hopefully she keeps this up because the road ahead is going to be intense and there can be no letting up of the focus and intensity.

The Serenanator is ready to do battle at Wimbledon

Simona Halep (3) who I swear looks like the Koolaid Juice Jug (I know it is wrong but I swear it is what comes to mind every single time) also had a quick affair on the court. She moved through in straight sets as did Bratzwanska (4), Shriekapova (5) who is supposedly looking good 6-1 6-0 but judging by the numbers, 13 winners, 9 errors, 3 aces and 5 double faults, 43% on 2^nd serve, I am going to say “meh.” This is Shriekapova just handling the Lady planktons with her usual ruthless flair. Carebear Kerber (9) took out lil sis Radwanska in straight sets also. Ivanovic The Terrible (11) was almost in trouble against Francesco Schiabone. However, it seemed as though Schiabone had other ideas in mind than winning the big points. Maybe it was the longer hair or the slight attempt to feminize herself that was mucking up her game. Who knows and who cares? Anyway, Ana won in straight sets. 2013 finalist Sabine Losicki (19) also won in straight sets. The German took out Israeli Julia Glushko 6-2 6-1.

I think Shriekapova is going to a picnic or something with that much bags

Other seeded players who came through include Genie Bouchard (13), Carlo Suarez-Navarro (15), Danish Biscuit Wozniacki (16), Kristopher Flipkens (24) last year’s semifinalist, Cornemort (25) and Klara Koukalova (31) who took out American Taylor Townsend in straight sets 7-5 6-2. Other winners of interest are Jie Zheng, Madison Keys who took out another young hopeful Monica Puig in straight sets, Varvane Lepchenko who dismissed Tsetvana Pironkova (Granny Vee thanks you Lepchenko), Heather Watson of England, Belinda Bencic of Switzerland and Camila Giorgi of Italy.

Bye Gurl Pironkova! Bye!

There were several key upsets on the ladies side biggest of which was Fivehand Jungle Witch Jankovic (7) who was dismantled by Kaia Kanepi, quarterfinalist here last year. Kanepi took care of business 6-3 6-2. Fattychunkova (26) lost in 3 sets to American Alison Riske as did fellow Russian Kuzi Rex (28) who lost to Michelle Larcher De Brito. Roberta Vinci (21) and doubles partner Sara ETranni (14) will be concentrating solely on doubles this Wimbledon as they were both booted out of the singles draw in three sets. Vinci lost to Donna Vekic 4-6 6-4 4-6 and ETranni lost to Caroline Garcia 6-2 6-7 5-7. Sorana Cirstea (29) was also sent packing when she lost to American qualifier Victoria Duval 4-6 6-3 1-6. American Christina McHale was also dismissed.

I was this close to winning the match!

Kuzi-Rex what a disappointment!!

Anyway, that’s all folks … Day 3 action will feature Lochness Monster, Djoker, Granny Vee, GHW Kvitova, Tampomic, Maria’s hangbag Dimitrov, Bratzwanska, Berdshite and many others… So PLEASE check us out. DO NOT FORGET TO COMMENT even if just about the pictures…

So Bartoli showed up on Centre Court and she was all teary eye … I too got all teary eye watching this hideous outfit unfold (White and off white lace combination and the necklace #icant)

Now I don’t want to hate but really gurl? Really? Those shoes? I think they are to hide her infamous cankles but still

Even Lisicki is like WTF?? Gurl what happened? Those shoes honey are just You look…you look… you look so plentiful. Eating well in retirement I see”  Meanwhile, what is that stain on the bottom of that “dress” ? Actually, I don’t wanna know

Joao Sousa from Portugal

Martin Klizan, you might be a loser in the 1st round but you’re a winner in our hearts here at Realz… and we have a “special prize” for you

You lost on the tennis court today Daniela but you’re definitely winning in fashion court

Veteran hottie around these parts is looking a bit weathered but he can still get it

We don’t even know his name and we’re not even trying to find out either….What we need to know is where he’s staying

Lisicki looking cute as ever … we’re gonna ignore the snaggletooth

Beetlejuice… gurl.. this is definitely not cute even by your standards

Beetlejuice got himself cornrows … Definitely has not improved his look but to be honest, it doesn’t hurt it either

Of course you we gotta talk about Carlo

Francisco is trying to give us femme realness

I’ve fallen….

And I can’t get up

Gurl, why you acting like a heifer eating the grass? We don’t behave like that at Wimbledon

Don’t you wish you had a sexy coach like me

Tiann, I think Danish Biscuit is saying hello to you …. and she’s being a bit insensitive about the matter

Hewitt is going all out to stay in the game

Mrs. Hewitt keeping tabs on her “investment” This mofo better not get injured again

Is Patrick M going to sing an aria?

He is channeling some soprano realness here

Cornemort had a nose bleed on court … blood magic I say … blood magic!!

Now we have discussed “Gayneisa” here before; where “straight” guys blame their homosexual tendencies on liquor. “I got really wasted with the guys again and then one thing (my pants) lead to another (their pants) and then another (the undies) and next thing you know, his penis was in my mouth and mine was in his. I don’t know why that keep happening. I sobered up and was like Broooo we are never doing this again”

Gaynesia is not to be confused with just being “gay” BIG DIFFERENCE

This is gaynesia. See the different? Good

 Now we have a new Realz term for you: “Gaylusion” this is where straight women cannot seem to see they’re a fag hag. I mean look at this scene. Holla if you believe there is a straight couple in the midst wearing a yellow shirt .. those two girls to the side in those short shorts may have just realized that this just might not be where they need to be at “Gurl, I don’t think any of these guys are our types. Really? Why you say that? Gurl look at the front row, it’s a men’s chorale up in here. Look at that soprano in the green shorts! We need to go.” Lady in the red cap, she definitely knows the dealio. Girls, these boys are strictly dickly! 

Meanwhile, YESSS I finally won a match on grass

Now check out my pocketbook. Isn’t it just FABULOUS

Simona Halep

The Koolaide Jug … enough said

 

Australian Open 2014

Every major, when I’m trying to rearrange my life to get in as much tennis in as possible, I always contemplate whether to post a preview bit. Now mind you, all the major publications do so in an effort to drum up some interest and frankly so that they can talk. However, with the current state of both the men and women’s tours, matters have long been decided. For the past three years now, it’s been the same gang at the top. There’s nothing new to say. I am sure the same notes from the preview to the French, Wimbledon and the US Open 2012 and 2013 will apply for this Australian Open 2014. I dare someone to say otherwise.

However, I figured that RealzTenisFanz cannot be so far out of the main stream though we are hardly the type of prestigious publication to follow trends blindly. Nonetheless, I figured why not revive the blog for 2014 with a lil something for the Fanz.

From Realz!!

While we are on this subject Fanz, I think 2014 will see us going on quite a bit so I want to thank you all for your continued support. Happy New Tennis Year ! I know many of you are dying to tell about your Christmas and New Years affairs. However, we aren’t here for that. We will get into personal gossips later on. Furthermore, our lives aren’t nearly as interesting as the pro players so we will ignore our mundane madness for the sake of their more scintillating sagas.

So let us have the realz score on this one now

But let us not digress…. Wait, I’m not sure if I actually confirmed this but I regret to inform you that it’s really true that Petra Kvitova and Radek Stepanek are in fact a couple. I don’t think my brain has fully grasp this ugly concept. In fact whenever I think of them as a couple, my mind’s defense system kicks in and automatically blurs Shark Boy’s face.

Homewrecker??? Nicole and Radek on their wedding day. Right, Petra in her version of a black dress

PeekaBoos!!

Can’t deal with that much beastliness in one thought. I know people will label Petra a homewrecker seeing as Shark Boy is still married to former top ten Nicole Vaidisova. However, in my humble opinion, it was a hideous home. It ain’t for looks or charms so it has to be he drops his shorts and you silly school of girls just lose your bloody minds as well as your panties.

Wait what do you mean I have to share you??

This was Petra’s old boo but she don’t want no small fry anymore… she’s looking for big fish

So Nickie girl, you get yourself some new dick though I am guessing that Shark Boy is hung like a sperm whale because too many decent looking girls are getting bitten by this predator. I bet he be munching on their seabed like it the last plankton in all of the Red Sea. Sushi is on the menu girls and you are the catch of the day! Ladies I advised you all to invest in a decent toy and if not get yourself a good “buddy” with ironclad contractual terms, safe play because no one deserves to be caught up in the cult that is Radek Stepanek. He’ll kill your joy and your career. Ask Martina Hingis and Nicole. At this point in Petra’s career, she doesn’t know where she’s going but most certainly sure that she’s coming and coming very regular. So I guess I should be happy for her?

And she found it with Shark Boy

To the real tennis newz :

Divadal before his make up!

On the men’s side, the number one seed, Rafael Nadal aka Lord Clay aka Divadal aka Lord Clay and hardcourt Divadal (She lost only two clay court matches last year and didn’t lose on hardcourt whilst picking up his 8th French Open title and 2nd US Open crown), has a draw of death. It’s just traps all over the place. First off he has to deal with Bernard Tampomic and frankly I know the Spanish Diva is going to handle this mess in 3 straight kleenex sets but no one wants to deal with the Aussie crowds fully supporting their man and the added misfortunes of having to endure Bernard’s on court bullshit. You know this latent case is going to be showing her dirty knickers all over the place when those Divadal forehands be coming from all corners of the court. It’s going to be a mess I’m sure of it.

Yeah I am a douche… so what?? Am I the biggest douche down under?? Hmmm

No I am the biggest douche down under

What’s even worst for the number one seed is that he has to deal with not one Aussie Asshole but two; Lleyton Hewitt is also on this section. Hewitt’s career got a resurrection of sorts when he beat Mr. Federer in Brisbane last week in 3 sets. So look out this possible 4th round clash.

I am ready for all these douche bags. Bring them on!!

Wait did you say Xisca is coming on court?? I need to get out of her.

Beetlejuice is lurking for Divadal in this section for a possible 3rd round match up that’s if Beetlejuice shows up in Melbourne to play tennis and not to pay clown.  Divadal has to also contend with Beast Boy who is definitely poised this year to make some real major noise again. Del Potro wants another major and he will get it soon enough in my humble and often awesome opinion. But all in all its unlikely he is losing early unless Rosol and Darcis had a baby together.

I don’t know which Beetlejuice will show up

Ahh the maladies of Murray have already begun and he hasn’t even played a match yet

On the other side of the top half is Lochness Monster who has had a rather dismal year since winning Wimbledon last year. This creature might be stumbling since his magical 2012. Murray has been featured in three Aussie Open finals now I think and winning a total of 1 set of the ten that he played. I’m sure he thinks that the 4th time is the charm. However you know this is of no concern to me because Mr. Federer (6) is in this quarter and that’s my main man. However, Mr. Federer has two French men in his realm, Baby Ali et Chicken leg Simon. They both come lethal and with historic wins over the greatest thing since slice in my tennis world.

I don’t know what is going on with me anymore. I am going senile on the tennis courts it seems.

The Scotsman has to deal with the likes of BFG John Isner and Chin Cilic. This is just tough half all over. Just potential problems all over the place for everyone. No match is an easy round.

Despite all this, I think Divadal is coming through this half. Mr Federer might get to the semis but he doesn’t have the stamina to deal with the hard court beast that is Divadal plus Mr. Federer has far more pressing issues before he gets to semis…. And that’s if he even gets there. My man is no longer a safe bet especially as the 6th seed. He’s working with Stefan Edberg but I’m not sure this will help. Federer needs a nutritionist to help him gain muscle mass. No Bueno! I almost forgot the gossip, Mirka is pregnant again. I couldn’t really tell because she always look with child. However, Mr. Federer made the announcement on Facebook and I have to take his word for it on these matters.

Mommy and granny holding the girls… possibly brother(s) on the way??

David Ferrer’s quarter…. Is this even a legitimate expression? However the numbers don’t lie, he’s the 3rd ranked player and gets his own section. However this prize hasn’t brought him much gifts because he has to deal with a lot of bigger men, Tommy Haas Mikhail Youzhny, Tomasz Berdshite and Jerzy Janowicz. It’s going to be tough and of course he has the 3 time defending champion Djoker Harlequeen on his side.

I am gonna be passing out some chocolate because I have a sweet sweet draw

Now I have seen easy bake oven draws in the past but I think this quarter for Novak is a new model where we might as well had just give Novak byes all the way to the finals or at least the semis to make it interesting. There’s no one in this section to trouble the man. No one! Ernst Gulbis? Richard Gasquet? Marcos Baghdatis? Ain’t he married? This must be sketch comedy because I know Djoker is laughing his ass off. The only possible hiccup is Stan Wawrinka and we all know how messy this girl can be. She got handled at the US Open and that must still be hurting.

Anyway, I think Divadal and Djoker are the two contenders here though I do not look forward to a possible finals between these two as I would like to not waste 7 hours of my life with these two for one of them to finally take the title.

It is just me, myself and I out there. No one comes close to me.

On the ladies’ draw I mean what more can one say other than the Serenantor (1) is here to win this title and try yet again for the one thing that her career does not have: a true Grand Slam. She is going for it this year full steam ahead. She is not going to let herself be deterred. Every year since 2010 she is becoming more and more mentally focused and her hard work is paying off. Since that ugly defeat in 2012 at the French Open, she has been looking stupendous. Her shots are cleaner, crisper and she is staying in shape. No one has seen this kinda of focus from Serena for a long time…if not ever. It seems that everything is looking up for her now. However, we all know it is at these times when she looks unstoppable, she then lets her bad self get in the way and implodes on court. Hopefully, this sorta thing is not going to happen because I think Serena has worked hard enough and deserves the calender slam. I would also really like to see her in the 20s with major titles. She is really that good of a player!!

Yeah you forgot about me??

Yeah there are competitors to consider, Vickie (2), Maria (3) and LiNaLi (4) but do they even stand a chance? I mean Vickie is the ONLY one who does not get routine bagels and/or breadsticks from the American. Vickie can play the Serenanator but when it comes to the final stages of the match where fitness is a factor, Serena has her younger adversary beat. Maria simply does not possess the skill set to deal with Serena. I don’t think she ever will. And also her biggest problem is trying to stay positive throughout the match. It is very difficult to do as she is constantly trying to figure out what kinda diet is Serena working on that day. Is she carb counting and thus handing out bagels and breadsticks sets or is she on a gluten free diet and feels more generous in allowing an extra game here or there. Look at any of the matches these two play. Serena is almost breaking Maria at will and dispensing baked goods to the Russian like a Pillsbury. However, I would admit that last match a week ago, Maria got to a tiebreaker. However, I think Serena was just trying to be generous..Happy New Year’s Gurl….Here’s a Christmas gift; a respectable scoreline.

Now why you had to go bring up my record against the Serenanator again for?

Anyway these two can only meet in the finals. Maria and Vickie are on the same half (bottom) of the draw and Serena has to contend with LiNaLi on her half (top). Will be interesting to see what the new year brings for Li and her Cheating Coach Carlos. Serena’s quarter is rather tricky as she has some ticklish players lurking about like Tsetvana Pironkova who just won her first WTA title beating Petra Kvitova GHW (she had penis on the brain) along the way. There is also the huge serving Eugenie Bouchard (30) of Canada, tenacious Jie Zheng, Ana Ivanovic (14) the Terrible and also Sara Errani (7) but really and truly we are not exactly counting her in the mix. Serena eats Sara for a light snack. There is also local home hopeful Sam Stosur who has beaten the American twice at the majors in key matches. However, Sam does not have a great record in her home country but she won several matches this past week so this might be a turn around for her.

Do we know which LiNaLi will be on court or will Carlos continue to signal to her telling her know who she should be?

LiNaLi (4) also has a tricky set of client with GHW Kvitova (6) aka Mistress Stepanek, Sabine Lisicki (15) who it seems is now working with Martina Hingis (I don’t know why this woman just won’t go away and stay there. Can’t she find more men to beat up? She really does not contribute much to game at this time. She is fighting so hard to be relevant but she barely has a point except on pencil. And she should just erase herself with the other end. She was a great student of the game but hardly is she selfless enough to be a decent teacher.) Carebear Kerber (9) is also around in these parts. I almost forgot to mention that resident veteran Venus Williams is also on board at this Open. She will open her campaign against crazy lefty Ekaterina Makarova (22) who has been known as a very dangerous floater. She has some good scalps in her career including Serena and 5th seed here Radwanska. So Makarova is not to be dismissed lightly.

You don’t worry about my draw and/or drawers okay. Just how I like it… easy, breezy

Sometimes when I look at Maria’s draw at majors, I often wonder if the committees are confused about the concept of “draw” It might be that they are thinking more “drawers” than “draw” because Maria always getting some easy sexy cute draws. There is absolutely no one of consequence in her section of the draw. Not one. You know who Maria is opening up against, Bethanie Mattek-Sands and one noted sports writer claimed Carlo Suarez-Navarro is the dark horse pick and figured she will get to the semis. I think he means, she is going to buy a ticket to watch the match. Most certainly she is not going to be winning 5 singles matches and earn her place. I mean seriously now? Dark Horse pick… This is more likely a Black Unicorn pick. So because of this it means that Jelena Jankovic aka Fivehead Jungle Witch (8) v Maria really going to be the big matchup of this section. I would rather vomit.

I hope you all didn’t forget about me now

Vickie has a relatively okay section with several of her favourite punching bags Slaone Stephens (13), Danish Biscuit Wozniacki (10) and off course her best pigeon Agniezska Radwanska (5). Vickie couldn’t ask for a better route to the semis.

All in all I don’t think she is retaining her title this year. This is the Serenanator’s title for the taking.

FASHION FORWARD???

Serena gurl, you need to better cage that tiger of yours… I can see claws coming out…

Vee gurl… WTF with that weave…We need to hook you up….that front is a hotmess

Apparently LiNaLi moonlights as a clown after hours.

It is not great but it is not bad and for Maria, this is all good

This is very good from Sabine

Who knew the German was also a succubus?

Daniela showing all the itches how you step it up! Gorgeous! Giving them Farrah Fawcett hair tease realness!!! YES M’AM

Apparently, men and women went to different functions because David look like he just got off from practice. UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Even with ugly New Balances, the ratty t-shirt and the buzz cut, this Spanish flame is still burning hot

US Open 2013: Day 3

The rains ruled the day on Day 3 of the US Open 2013

So it’s raining… what to do? Get a drink

 

Oh what a day! My head is still reeling from yesterday’s events. I am not even sure how to deal fully. Venus Ebony Starr Williams, you have done it yet again. You have inexplicably pulled me into your matches and have my emotions run high. Every single time I promise myself that I would get wrapped up into your matches because I know how much I get worked up afterwards. Yet I still go all in. You know, truth be told, Venus, you are not the crackhead, it is I. I am an addict and I am addicted to you and the pain/torture of watching your matches. Needless to say fanz that Venus lost yesterday to the likes of Jie Zheng 3-6 6-2 6-7 (7). I do not care what people want to say about how Jie Zheng got to two major semifinals (Australian Open 2009 and Wimbledon 2010 if I am not mistaken) The thing is that Zheng barely makes a squeak on the WTA tour and then all of sudden she is always trying to muck up the Serenanator and Venus Williams’ plans. I think what made yesterday’s loss even more difficult was the fact that Venus kept trying to stay alive  but in the end gave away the match with two careless errors. It was bad…real bad.

 

Oh Venus… you slay me every time

 

Anyone who has followed this blog knows how much drama Venus Williams has caused Realz. On this blog forum, she has been buried, resurrected, renamed, I think shunned and at some point redeemed. It is tough being a Venus Williams fan. Very very tough. She never makes anything easy. I understand about the disease and everything, however, for her fans, what we see out on court is really a lack of effort. Maybe things might be hurting but we do not care. We want Venus to do well and to do doing well, very well. Honestly, I cannot be too mad at Venus. Actually, as I am writing this now, I am already over her lost. This is sports. Venus is a wounded animal and all her opponents know this. They already feel that they have a 65% shot of winning the match anyway and with Venus’s ability to hit errors/double faults/wayward shots in quick and repeated succession, their winning chances increase to almost 80%.

With that 6 heads of yours, you couldn’t come up with a way to win that match? SMH

However, when I get into these dark places (and I mean dark dark places in my mind. You do not know how I was going in on Venus last night in my head. I was ripping her new one; the hair, the nails, the clothes. I didn’t hold back) with Venus Williams, I go back to time when I was calmer and more rational. I remember when in 2010, she lost to Kim in the semis and my ensuing reaction to write the following. This was a year before it was announced that she had Sjogren’s Syndrome. I think much of what is being said below here still applies. And since 2010, Venus has done a lot to be proud of.

A pixie took out a giant

In Act 4, Scene 1 of the opera Aida by Giuseppe Verdi, Amneris, the Egyptian princess, is at world’s end. She has just lost her best friend Aida whose whereabouts are unknown and the man that she loves, Radames, former head of the Egyptian guards, awaits death for committing treason. Radames adamantly rejects Amneris’s offer for clemency as he refuses to renounce his love for Aida and marry Amneris. As Radames walks away in the clutches of priests to his pending execution, Amneris realized that all is lost and sinks to the ground…..She laments “Ohimè! Morir mi sento” (Oh how I feel like dying)  By Saturday evening, I almost sank to the floor of my apartment and felt very much the same way as Amneris. My pain was so great; my thoughts reverted to Italian opera verse. Roger Federer and Venus Williams, my picks to win the single titles, did not make it out of the semifinals. They both went the distance but came up short.

Venus Ebony Starr Williams has done me in once more. Yes, I have referred to her by her given name. I know not what else to do. After winning the first set 6-4, Venus was down in the second set 3-5. Mommie Dearest served for the set but was broken by the ever-resilient Venus. For those who are familiar with the Williams sisters, they know that they are made of Teflon and are the type of fighters you want on your side during a battle. They seemingly never gave up. There was joy in my heart. Venus leveled the set at 5-5 and held serve again whilst Mommie Dearest did so as well. They moved to a tiebreaker. My heart caught a fire for I know Venus is often fabulous in tiebreakers. She would never let this opportunity to close out the match in straight sets be wasted. I almost fell off the treadmill, as Venus did not win a single point on her serve. How could this be? The woman with the fastest serves on tour, double faults as if it were the object of the game.

She lost the second set. I figured that she would make it back. There was no way she would give up this opportunity easily but alas, I was wrong, as I have been all year long about Venus Williams. She lost the third set 4-6 after getting broken early in the set, breaking back to even things at 4-4 games and getting broken again. It was not so much so that she lost the match that nearly killed me but it is the fact that Venus failed to show any of the tools she had employed in her winning the previous 11 sets of tennis she played. Her serve was on, the forehand was on, she was coming to net, her second serve was not vulnerable and her deadly backhand was as solid as ever. Her killer instinct was on full displayed as she was not being rattled by the crowd or an inexplicable loose service game. Yet in the last two sets against Kim on Friday, she simply went away.  

Where is the resilience and strength of the Venus of old who saved 11 match points against Jennifer Capriati? Where is she? It was heart breaking to see Mommie Dearest be on her way for a third US Open title at the expense of Venus. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE HAS WON THIS TITLE, VENUS HAS HAD KIM ON THE ROPES ONLY TO RELINQUISH HER HOLD. It is simply devastating to continue to watch. I tried to be brave in the end and watch the match but I almost had my chest cracked open as the 110 barbell nearly slipped out of my hand as I was bench pressing. I do not know what else to say about Venus.

This lost caused sheer panic and hysteria for Venus Williams Fans. One fan, Mr. Brown, a faithful subscriber to this publication went onto Venus Williams’ facebook page and lambasted her. He stated that she should retire, go play doubles and get a sports psychiatrist to deal with her mental crackish ways. However, I have had much time and trauma to think about the enigma that is Venus Williams and I have to say that I am now at peace with the situation. The problem is that fans of Venus Williams live vicariously through her more so than they do other tennis players. See, backing Venus Williams is not some trivial gesture or some effort to always be on the winning side but it is a wholehearted commitment. Venus Williams represents the awkwardness and triumphs of all her fans.

Here you have a 6’1” skinny black girl from the “projects” making it big. Now, this Cinderella story is hardly one that I decry but understand that the attraction to Venus Williams is not a mere love for rags to riches. See Venus is that awkward stage all of us experienced throughout school…always being teased for standing out because of physical attributes…always being told you do not measure up to the accepted standard….never fitting in…never being allowed to fit in or be included. Yet, she rose above all of that to become top tennis player, triple Olympic gold medalist, 7 time major champion, entrepreneur, fashionista, activist, and philanthropist. Venus Williams makes the case for dancing to a different beat even though others think you look stupid. And where are the boys and girls who were hating on her in the past…who knows and who cares, unless they are the one serving at the local DMV. Fans adore the manner in which Venus carries herself across the court….there is a certain strut, poise, elegance, command of attention as if to say, “I am here now…deal with it.”

For her fanz, Venus Williams is not the ultimate rags to riches story but the ultimate ugly duckling turning to the beautiful swan. (Now don’t get all technical on me saying that an ugly duckling cannot grow up to be a swan as they are two different species. I bet many of you never thought of that) This comparison can easily be applicable to Serena but somehow, one can never see Serena as ever being shy. No it is Venus who appears more vulnerable, requiring more care and thus elicits more sympathy and admiration from her fanz. In the story of the Ugly Duckling, the narrator never tells us what happens after this wonderful transfiguration (a duckling to swan is no mere transformation, it has to be a transfiguration and Professor McGonagal is in on it [Harry Potter reference])but we are left to assume that everything is happily ever after.

However, we know too well that in real life that no such thing exists. The fans of Venus Williams are experiencing the life after the transfiguration. They have come to expect sheer brilliance from the Swan each and every time she takes to the “pond.” They would accept nothing short of this for her triumphs are their triumphs and conversely, her failures are their failures. What is more devastating for her fans is the fact that Venus is apparently very complacent with her “poor performances” For the fans this is the ultimate slap in the face for they feel almost personally insulted. People lose matches everyday and it not possible for her to win every time she plays, but her fans expect nothing but victory. Never has Venus lost a match and her fans accept it as a mere lost. For them her losses are epic, disastrous and should not have happened in the first place.

Leontyne Price, the great and glorious American opera singer, once commented about her fans. She said (I am paraphrasing here) that the voice is such a unique thing, individualized to us all. It is such a wonderful thing as well that it causes certain emotions and reactions unique to each person and as such, people may claim “ownership” of sorts to another voice. So strong is this sense of ownership that people are personally affronted if “the voice” that they hold in high regard does anything which is not to their liking. It is this same sense of proprietorship that Venus Williams fanz has and it is what has driven us to sheer madness and emotional lows.

However, in retrospect, there is much to be proud about with Venus. She has been on the tour since 1994/1995 and still at the top of her game. She made it to the US Open semifinals and was very much in the thick of things without any match play since early July at Wimbledon. She has kept  her nose clean…there are no scandalous photos or tapes of Ms. Williams around…she has not been involved in any sort of drugs and despite all the injuries she has suffered, she is soldiers on for the sport of tennis. Yet we are disappointed when she does not win. She made it to the Round of 16 or better in every tournament she played this year….as a matter of fact, other than the French Open where she lost in the Round of 16, she has made the quarterfinals or better and she did it all being an old gal at 29/30. Serena, Kim, Maria, Justine, Carolina cannot make this boast. So perhaps we should not be so harsh on Venus anymore. Perhaps we need to make her life not our perspiration but our inspiration. We should not act as if it is us who is out on court working each point (I assure you watching her matches, I feel every single stroke, points won and/or lost) but use it to fuel us towards our own pursuit of excellence.

I know people talk about the fact that she has not won a major outside of Wimbledon since 2001…but Nadal has 9 majors, five of which are from the French….NO ONE GETS IN HIS FACE about that. As for Kim, all the potential she has, she has only won at the US Open and she has choked at so many majors, they are too numerous to count. Therefore, we here at RTFN would like to resurrect Venus Williams…bring her back from the dead…reinstate her true name and wish her continued success on the tour as long as she wishes to play. (I know it is mighty big of me but I tell you, I have ran out of hateration for her so I might as well show some love.)

 

Anyway, we shall move on to other news. The rain seriously affected play and this is why I think the US Open should really adopt the French Open policy of play on the 1st Sunday. This way, all 1st round matches would be wrapped up by the end of Tuesday’s play. Now today is the 4th day and ladies’ 2nd round matches yet to be completed and Men’s matches have not started. Andy Murray was slated on Ashe to play is 1st round match on Wednesday night. WTF?? Anywho, I guess we might as well deal with the other ladies matches. Of course because of the rain, most of the matches were not completed. Aga Radwanska made easy work of her opponent as did LiNaLi. The results were as followed:

Slaone Stephens was just sticking… as in breadsticking it to Urszula Radwanska… she could barely see straight

Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (32) def. Ashleigh Barty 6-4, 6-0;
Li Na (5) def. Sofia Arvidsson 6-1, 6-1;
Carla Suarez Navarro (18) def. CoCo Vandeweghe 6-3, 6-4;
Agnieszka Radwanska (3) def. Maria-Teresa Torro-Flor 6-0, 7-5;
Laura Robson (30) def. Caroline Garcia 6-4, 7-6 (5);
Zheng Jie def. Venus Williams 6-3, 2-6, 7-6 (5).
Sloane Stephens (15) def. Urszula Radwanska 6-1 6-1

LiNaLi is looking quite confident at these championships

On the men’s side, I think all of the 1st round matches were completed. There were no real surprises were for that matter expect I guess from two Americans. That Rajeev Ram (who I think is perhaps one of the most unprettiest man on tour….I am not being a real hater here) beat Fabio Fognini, the 16th seed, in straight sets and in such a convincing manner was totally unexpected. It was a breadstick and two two-piece meals. The other American was James Blake. Now James Blake is set to retire after this US Open. To be honest, I have not always been a great fan of his. I met him once and thought he was kinda cocky and rather cold. That is okay. However, the thing was that his on court antics were very much brattish at times. I know he has been plagued with injuries but for the most part, he, I felt, was very lazy. He became that typical American male player with that sense of unjustified entitlement. He had a lot to learn if he wanted to really succeed and he learnt very little. Also he grew up in a tennis era when the likes of Mr. Federer, Divadal, Djoker and Lochness Monster are/were at their peak.  So he is not the only player who has not had major success. Anyway, James was up 2 sets on Ivo Karlovic and then lost the match. WTF? WTMFF?? In the final two sets, they played tiebreakers and James only won 4 points altogether. Come on James!!

Goodbye James, I am not sure if you would be missed. Meanwhile, Mary-Jo what the hell are you wearing?

Meanwhile, 3rd seed Lochness Monster knocked out Michael Llodra 6-2 6-4 6-3 and begins his title defense. In other results:

Marcos Baghdatis def. Go Soeda 6-4, 6-3, 6-1;
Alexandr Dolgopolov def. David Goffin 6-2, 6-4, 6-4;
Kevin Anderson (17) def. Daniel Brands 7-5, 4-6, 6-2, 6-3;
Mikhail Youzhny (21) def. Nicolas Mahut 6-4, 6-4, 7-6 (4);
Somdev Devvarman def. Lukas Lacko 4-6, 6-1, 6-2, 4-6, 6-4;
Tim Smyczek def. James Duckworth 3-6, 6-2, 6-4, 6-1;
Andreas Seppi (20) def. Xavier Malisse 6-3, 3-6, 7-5, 7-5;
Peter Gojowczyk def. Igor Sijsling 7-6 (7), 2-6, 6-4, 6-1;
Juan Martin del Potro (6) def. Guillermo Garcia-Lopez 6-3, 6-7 (5), 6-4, 7-6 (7);
Lleyton Hewitt def. Brian Baker 6-3, 4-6, 6-3, 6-4;
Stanislas Wawrinka (9) def. Radek Stepanek 7-6 (2), 6-3, 6-2;
Evgeny Donskoy def. Jurgen Melzer (29) 7-5, 6-3, 7-6 (3);
Leonardo Mayer def. Victor Hanescu 7-6 (4), 6-4, 3-6, 7-6 (4);
Marcel Granollers def. Jurgen Zopp 6-1, 3-6, 1-6, 6-3, 6-4;
Rajeev Ram def. Fabio Fognini (16) 6-1, 6-2, 6-2.

Juan Martin Del Potro is my dark horse to win this if Mr. Federer cannot

Look who is back and lurking around in these parts… Marcos Fatdatis

As I look out the window right now, the sky is overcasted with those grey smoggy looking clouds so I am not sure how much play might get on its way today. Anyway, I hope you all have enjoyed this entry. Do not forget to COMMENT PLEASE (Good, bad and ugly. Just not offensive/racist/illogical) and SPREAD the word.

Utter nonsense!

I do not understand why the USTA do not invest in tarp to cover the courts when it rains. I mean this is ridiculous. It will cut down the drying time significantly and get play on its way quicker

Oh lookie, it’s Lochness Monster. The tennis bag looks cool. (I am trying to accentuate his positives)

What did you say Judy? I said stop hogging the camera you gold digging trifling tart.

I think Dani’ Lochness Monster’s hitting partner is kinda cute and he can definitely get it BUT it won’t work out because I do not like his employer

Can we just look at this one more time? I mean I swear this skirt is a one of Red Foo’s boxers that she removed the crotch.

Yes, go up further…the cramp is definitely further up…. yeahhhhhh that feels real nice.

 

Wimbledon 2013: Day 5

For Day 5 of Wimbledon, the rains wreaked havoc on the schedule, hampering much of the day’s play. With the weather being so unpredictable, only 1 of the 18 courts were in operation; Centre Court where play begins at 1:00 p.m. Meanwhile, regular scheduled play starts at 11:30 p.m. Added to all of this is the fact that men’s doubles matches are best of 5 sets. Did I mention that Wimbledon does not play tennis on the middle Sunday? And they wonder why things are always so backed up each year. Utter madness if you ask me. The English hold onto traditions despite the overwhelming evidence that not only are they archaic but also inefficient.  Anyway, when the rains did let up, they were able to complete all of the suspended and postponed matches that were carrying over from yesterday.

Oh all rightey then… I am not sure how to even approach this one. It’s June/July in England right? Just checking

There were only three ladies 2^nd round matches to be completed and 2 of them were fought amongst unseeded players. Young British hopeful, Laura Robson is through to the 3^rd round with a convincing victory over her Venezuelan opponent, 6-4 6-1. This was her 1^st win on Centre Court according to the pundits. I am sure she has not had that much visits to the arena in the 1^st place for it to be a mentionable stat but I am not even gonna check them on that. Bratzwanska’s sister Urszula Radwanska looked poised to get to the 2^nd week on Wimbledon but she as per the norm lost her mind on court and went down in 3 sets to American Alison Riske 6-4 3-6 4-6. In the lone upset of the day, Kaia Kanepi knocked out 7^th seed Angelina Carebear Kerber in 3 sets. Kanepi always makes a good showing of herself at both the French Open and Wimbledon and yesterday was no different. Kanepi looked to be down and out in the 1set set but she came back in the tiebreaker and totally dominated the 3^rd set. Kanepi is through to the 3^rd round 3-6 7-6 6-3.

Laura Robson: Have you seen the muffin man? The muffin man? The muffin man? Have you seen the muffin man who lives on Centre Court Lane?

Carebear Kerber was feeling no love yesterday from Kanepi

I am not about niceness…I’m a gonna punch you in the face itch!

On the men’s side, five 2^nd round matches were to be completed. 29^th seed Grigor Dimitrov was facing sudden death against his opponent Greg Zemlja being down 8-9. Dimitrov had to stave off 4/5 match points in his opening serving game for the day and though he was able to save himself then. His erratic/inconsistent style of play let him down and he was sent bouncing 9-11 in the 5^th set. With this 2^nd round loss, it proves how perfect coupling he and Shriekapova are; a matching pair of 2^nd round losers. Anyway, 13^th seed Tommy Haas won his match against Taipei’s Wang 6-3 6-2 7-5. 26^th seed Dolgopolov aka BWLLAGWLLAB finished off his Colombian opponent Giraldo 6-4 7-5 6-3. Fiery Ferrer (4) and Jeremy Chardy (28) had to get through their matches in 4 sets. All these players were had to complete their 2^nd round matches yesterday will play again today for a place in the Round of 16 matches on Monday.

Au revoir Grigor

I got all dolled up for an epic 5th set match up and this mofo lost it in 3 games. WTF? Let me get out of here before someone notices me.

Of the 8 scheduled men’s matches, only 4 were completed and the trend of upsetter getting knocked out in the next round continued as both Dustin Brown who took out Hewitt and Sergiy Stakhovsky who took out Mr. Federer, were sent packing by their opponents. Brown lost in straight sets to Adrian Mannarino 4-6 2-6 5-7 and Stakhovsky lost in 4 to Jurgen Meltdown 2-6 6-2 5-7 3-6. The felix felicis potion that both Brown and Stakhovsky took in their previous round most definitely wore off and they looked their usual mediocre selves on court.

WTF? The magic potion wore off already?? SHITE

I beat Mr. Federer and I am still a loser…I can’t take this anymore

Andy Murray the 2^nd seed had to face 32^nd seed Tommy Robredo which potentially could have been a tricky match for the Scotsman. However, he dealt with it quite decisively as he dominated nearly all areas of the match 6-2 6-4 7-5. He has a very easy draw with Divadal, Tsonga and Mr. Federer being out already from the tournament. The stars could not have aligned themselves more perfectly for Lochness Monster to get to his 2^nd consecutive Wimbledon final. Jerzy Janowicz (24) who is fast becoming a fan favourite is through to this 1^st Round of 16 at a major if I am not mistaken. He took on Nicolas Almagro (15) who was unable to win a set as the Pole showed consistent and brilliant plays to win the match 7-6 6-3 6-4. The other 4 matches were postponed for today’s schedule. I guess now it makes sense for the players to have this middle Sunday off. The most interesting matchup of the quartet is Gulbis v Verdasco.

Lochness Monster as always looking unpretty

Janowicz is let’s say very very strong in the face. He looks like Iron Man while in the suit

I think this might Jerzy’s daddy

On the ladies’ side, only 5 of the 8 matches were completed with the other three being suspended. Flavia Pennetta knocked out the 29^th seed Alize Cornet 0-6 7-6 6-2. Michelle Larcher d Brito who took out Maria Sharapova was knocked out herself when her Italian opponent Knapp snapped her in two 7-5 6-2. Marian Bartoli (15) aka la petite grosse is still hanging around and can prove to be a dangerous floating as this half of the draw is now wide open. Bartoli exacted revenge of sorts for Cornet by beating another Italian Giorgi 6-4 7-5. The 19^th and 20^th seeds, Carlo Suarez-Navarro and Kris Flipkens both won their matches in straight sets to progress to the 2^nd week.

Oh Carlo

Oh Martian Bartoli

Stephens (17) and Cetkovska will begin the 3^rd set today after splitting the first two. Stephens got bagelled in the 2^nd set. Monica Puig who upset Errani on the 1^st day of the Championships dropped the 1^st set against her opponent and will resume play down 1-2 in the 2^nd. Petra Kvitova aka Grand High Witch, 2011 Wimbledon champion needs to get GPS on her broom or something because she is always losing her way in matches. The 8^th seed is the highest remaining seed in the bottom half of the draw and face the ever dangerous floater Ekaterina Makarova (25). You would remember that Makarova in 2012 knocked out the Serenanator out of the Aussie Open. Anyway, GHW won the 1^st set 6-3 then dropped the 2^nd 2-6. She is currently down 1-2 in the 3^rd set. I really do not know what to say about Kvitova anymore. I mean there is potential there but certainly is neither fitness nor mental fortitude there.

Petra is petrified to win these days

I don’t know where I put my book of spells

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The Serenanator and Lochness Monster have allegedly agreed to a Battle of the Sexes exhibition match up

I for one do not agree to this sorta thing because clearly the Serenantor outclasses Nessie

No m’am you are not going to find a real sense of style there either.

I guess there are two muffin men running around Wimbledon

Motherfcuker that’s just uncouth. You’re fixing your freaking dentures in the royal box on Centre Court. I can’t take your @$$ anywhere

Front: Grigor’s “girlfriend” Behind Zemlja’s “boyfriend” Sweetheart, you couldn’t do something about that mug… Really? It’s like someone dragged you away from the home depot to watch the match. It would need more than a little makeup to do you wonders

What is she doing here? I thought you said she does not come to your matches. I didn’t know she was going to be here. She lost early so she said she’ll pop in as she had all this free time. But this was suppose to be out time… I know… I’m sorry

 

And here we have Divadal in the Swimsuit category: He has chosen to accessorize the true blue trunks with some crime scene tape on the left knee. The irony: We all know it is criminal how Divadal be using that “knee” as an excuse for all his failures in life.

First off gurl, this is tennis court not Night court so you can’t wear negligee on this court and second, you’re making me hard and that’s very distracting right now to call this match.

French Open 2013: Jour 1

The 2013 French Open is on and in full effect

So the French Open begun today and the French in an effort to promote this Sunday start brought out some of the big guns to play. The Williams Sister, Mr. Federer, Fiery Ferrer, Sara Errani, Simon and Ivanovic were all up for play. Overall it was a nice mix. However, because so many of the players I like to watch were player, I missed the gym. No merci.

Let us start with the ladies. Sara Errani (5), 2012 French Open finalist was the 1st player through to the 2nd round at these championships. She took out an inconsistent but dangerous player in the form of Aranxta Rus of Netherlands 6-1 6-2. Rus you would remember took out Kim Clijster aka Mommie Dearest/Princess Fiona in the 2010 French Open if I am not mistaken and Rus also had a nice run at the French last year. However, she has done little to match that sorta form as of late and will her rankings plummet even farther. Ana Ivanovic (14) also won, the 2008 French Open champion. However, it was more Ivanovic the Terrible out on court. This girl cannot get her life together. It took her 3 sets to deal with her opponent who was nothing special out there. It is as though Ana is afraid to be winning because no sooner is she up in a match then she decides that keeping the ball in play is not what she is supposed to do on court. Granted that her overall game has some serious flaws and I really hate her fist pump motion, she is so much better than her current ranking.

The Serenanator in full in destroying mode

The overwhelming favourite at these championships, the Serenanator (1) put all fears aside by dismantling Ana Tatishvili of Georgia 6-0 6-1. There is no questioning the Serenanator’s form on clay these days and she looked as ever impressive. However, I just wish people will lay off the Serenanator and last year’s early round lost against Virginie Razzano. Razzano lost the next round and needed a wild card to get into this event. Putting that little fact aside, since that 1st round lost, the American as lost I think a total of 3-4 times since. Last summer, she won two Olympic gold medals, Wimbledon and the US Open; took Istanbul in convincing fashion in the fall. That lost was an anomaly, a tiny blip in the radar that will not show up again. I know it was a strange loss but the Serenanator has definitely reprogrammed herself and is all about the business of winning. She is looking really good. It is hard to describe fully her play since then. She is really on it.

Someone get Nadia a GPS to find her game. Every time you think she’s found her way, she gets lost again

Other winners include Sabine Lisicki (32), Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (19) who is working with Martina Hingis as her coach. I know right. Hingis was unable to win the French despite her clay court prowess. She made it to two finals and lost them badly especially that 1999 meltdown against Steffi Graff. I have to admit though that she was right about the call. Anyway, Frenchwomen Caroline Garcia and Razzano also won as well as Soriana Cirstea (26). Nadia Petrova (11) lost to Monica Puig of Puerto Rico in 3 sets. I do not know how Nadia got to be the 11th seed and clearly nor does she.
I have to deal with Venus Williams in her own paragraph because to be honest, I am not sure what else I can say about this woman.

My Venus Ebony Starr Williams. Gurl you know I loving the au naturel hairdo #nomoreweavedramainyourlife

Venus is my favourite player of all time though my emotional connection to her is quite problematic. For her to rise to the top of my favourite list is really hard since I heart Monica, Mr. Federer and Pete Sampras not mention all my crushes Dimitrov, Brands etc etc. Anyway, Venus played Urszula Radwanska, the little sister of Aggie Radwanska aka Bratzwanska and fanz it was a messy match. Venus was a source of oxymorons today. She played well and yet did not play well. She was hitting great shots but yet they were not great shots. Her serve was on but it was well off the mark. I do not know how to describe the events today fully other than to say she lost 6-7 7-6 6-4 and is out of the French Open.

The agony of hard work not paying off

I am always very critical of Venus Williams because in many ways, I feel like her triumphs are my triumphs and conversely, her failures/losses are mine. I scream, I shout, I tweet whenever she is out on court failing to win. I am always a mess with her matches. Take today for example, Venus was HORRID at the net. I do not care what people say, Venus needs to learn how to volley. She rarely is able to put away the ball at the net. Her shots always land high and her opponents get to tee off. She is at the net and cannot stop the passing shots and is very susceptible to being lobbed. She got up to the net today and it was a disaster. I kept shouting at my computer and it was all to no avail. It hurt so badly but yet Venus kept rushing the net like gangbusters and at times she was very successful but for me that made her lose the match. I think hurt the most was the tremendous effort Venus was putting out on court and it was not paying dividend. In her press conference, she spoke about how her serving is being affected by her back. I was a mess yesterday!

Urszula knocked out my Venus. I wanna hate on her so badly but she deserved the win

I have to give Urszula credit because her defensive skills were pretty good. It was like she had the password to Venus’s brain and knew where she was going with every shot. She got some game but if she is struggling this mightily against a player like Venus who will be 33 next June and is plagued with a debilitating disease as well as a bad back, gurl this match is more a minus than a plus. You could have easily have lost this match just the same. All in all I have to say I am really proud of Venus for still fighting. You can see the effort out there. It is tremendous but it hurts when you are not seeing the results. I know there is another slam in you.

Oh Urszula, the Serenanator is planning your destruction as we speak!

Easy, breezy and beautiful Mr. Federer

On the men’s side of the draw, things were rather routine. Mr. Federer dispatched a young Spanish player Pablo Carreno Busta in straight sets. This Spanish player definitely has a bright future ahead of him.

Pablo Carreno Busta of Spain. I am claiming this Caliente hotness as my own right now so you other itches just back up!!!

Other winners include David Ferrer (4), Milos Raonic (14) in 4 sets, Andreas Seppi who almost dispatched Djoker last year at this tournament, won in 5 sets. American Sam Querry, aka The Grinch, he is also through to the 2nd round. IN the batter of losers, Troicki managed to beat James Blake in straight sets. For one brief moment, it looked like James Blake might make something happen but it was only a glimmer and it soon faded. Gilles Simon found himself down 2 sets to love against veteran Hewitt. However, he soon righted his ship and steered for home with a 5 set win over the Aussie.

Chicken legs Simon got to running because they almost got bounced in straight sets

Fefe Lopez has to finish his match against country man Granollers. They are tied 2 sets a piece. The more Fefe we see the better

That is pretty much of it for mentionable matches for Day 1. Day 2 has a lot of interesting match ups in particular the Berdshite v Beetlejuice match. LiNaLi will be in action tomorrow as well as Divadal, Shriekapova, Bratzwanska, Baby Ali Tsonga, Gasquet, Danish Biscuit, Carebear Kerber, Kuzi Rex, Slaone Stephens and Juan Monaco.

The Mama Lioness was not amused by this Radwanska the lesser dealing with her baby on court